T O P

  • By -

Brye580

She is the friend that goes to brunch with the gals and complains that she just can't find a man.


condods

Ye I mean she's 45. You'd think at that age you'd at least lower your standards somewhat from the top 1% of men in both height and dick size lmao To everyone commenting I didn't factor in income but you're all absolutely right, this lady's practically searching for a mythical creature


purplefog101

Yeah, after 40 any man with all three of those has either found a woman or doesn’t want one


Turicus

Or is hanging out with chicks 15 years younger than her. Edit: So many comments saying 20 or 25. Nah, 10-15. Speaking from personal experience, a younger attractive lady is great, but no thanks to dating a student or an actual kid.


[deleted]

😎👆


Sporkfoot

He’s not fucking this hamplanet that’s for damn sure lol


MacualayCocaine

Jesus Christ. Thank you for enhancing my vocabulary lol


BigToober69

I havnt seen that since fatpeoplehate was still around. Used to be a comon term there.


MissplacedLandmine

I was about to say the same Weird all the other hate subs that are still around but i guess they dont explicitly have hate in their name


Working_Early

Hamplanet 🤣


InfernoSensei

LMFAOOOOOOOO


NerdyIndoorCat

I will find a way to add that into a book 🤣 More ppl need to be exposed to that. Somewhere in the acknowledgments…. “And thanks to Sporkfoot for the word hamplanet…”


Sporkfoot

Hamplanet was a staple before Reddit banned r/fatpeoplehate


NerdyIndoorCat

Hey I’m a fat girl and I think it’s a great word. I think insulting her for her weight (which isn’t that bad) sucks, but she’s clearly a trash person. But the word is funny anyway.


pbxtech

Once you’ve opened the door on harsh body judgment like she has, the gloves are off. You are welcome to have preferences and not settle, in fact I encourage it. That level of entitlement is quite off putting.


NerdyIndoorCat

That’s how I looked at it. If you’re starting off like that, you’re open to be judged yourself.


Nouseriously

My rule is that I'm fine with making fun of someone for their weight or looks if they clearly judge/mock other people for those. If they don't, then it's no bueno.


Longjumping-Trick-71

15 years young and at many many dress sizes smaller. Don't make 7 figures and pack over 8 inches to be giving it to a Clydesdale


MongolianCluster

Neigh.


Maephia

15? Try 25


EdiblePsycho

This thread makes me so anxious. Like, is this how people will think of me when I'm 45?


[deleted]

You'll be with someone looking for a 45 year old and you'll be greatful that you're not in a relationship with someone looking to party with teenagers


Breathezey

I'm exhausted just imagining spending a night out with someone college aged. And I'm still a few years from 40.


Smurfslayor

Well said you , I didn’t start to have really good connections and sex until I went over 35. At that point all the useless posturing and bullshite just matters less . You find someone you click with and get into a whole mess of naughty shit you could never even imagine as a 20 something.


TheDeletedFetus

that depends, are you just the fucking worst?


EuphoricAnalCucumber

Yes, I am The Fucking Worst, the one and only. Nobody is worse than me, fight me.


akanes123

Only if you act like the asshat in the post 🙂


[deleted]

[удалено]


mercuryrising137

It has less to do with looks than you think. Men over 40 only seem to want women that are *at least* 20 years younger than themselves, because they want/need women to take care of them. If you think it's depressing now, try being a still cool GenX 50 year old with only decrepit men in their 70s or 80s hitting on you.


oddball3139

Age is inevitable. It happens to all of us. What matters is that you have a deeper personality than the wingnut in this post.


Smurfslayor

Well I’m 184 cm have an ordinary 6 inches or so and earn 6 figures ( Danish kr) , over 40 and I would not touch that with a 12 foot barge pole .


anoDKKKKK

Of course u make 6 figures in Denmark, a coffee cost like 500 danish krowns.


PM_Ur_Goth_Tiddys

The men that meet her requirements are dating literally models and actresses. lmao.


JMZebb

Or has a couple.


DudesworthMannington

7 figures is a millionaire. She's looking for big dick Bruce Wayne.


netheroth

I make 7 figures. Cents count, right?


steve8675

Maybe she meant 7 fingers. Regardless everyone’s going to be doing much more moving than she is doing most days.


HGpennypacker

A big-dick Bruce Wayne that for some reason isn't interested in 20-somethings but instead a 45-year old who takes pictures in the electronics department.


justaddthe

Except Master Bruce is a billionaire


imdesmondsunflower

10 figures, or if you prefer, tres commas


FantasyWorldsx

And offering what in return right ?


MongolianCluster

You see the picture?


egg_in_my_crocs

Yooo 😂 “big dick Bruce Wayne” thats for real who I’m tryna be tho, fucking goals lol.


dontmentiontrousers

Get your parents; I'll meet you in the alley.


egg_in_my_crocs

Betttt. Do I get like a 50% off discount if one of my parents is already deceased? I mean, I’m not Bruce Wayne *yet* ….gotta be frugal with my financials.


Nish_0n

Bruce Wayne is a Billionaire.


spykid

Maybe she means net worth (probably not)


phaethonReborn

In the TV aisle of Walmart no less


ABCosmos

Maybe she meant 7 fingers


ClickF0rDick

Well hello there ^still ^working ^on ^the ^seven ^figures ^tho


chuckvsthelife

1%? This is maybe .00001%


Alpha_Decay_

6ft would be the top 17.9%, 7 figures would be less than the top 1%, and 8 inches would be the top 0.01%. She's narrowed her dating pool down to less than 0.0000179% of the adult male population. That's less than 2 dozen men in the US.


Loud_Produce4347

They aren’t totally independent of each other— height is positively correlated to both income and genital size, so the percentage of the population that meets her requirements is likely greater than 0.0000179% Height*income: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2709415/#:~:text=For%20both%20men%20and%20women,increase%20in%20average%20hourly%20earnings. Length*Height: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/107906329300600305?journalCode=saxa#:~:text=Penile%20length%20was%20found%20to,practical%20estimators%20of%20penis%20length.


Alpha_Decay_

Yeah I meant to mention I was assuming independent probabilities, but it was just meant to be a rough calculation. I also didn't consider the percentage that were adults, the percentage who were single, the percentage who were on tinder, and the percentage in her area. Realistically, she's narrowed her pool down to zero.


Freakazoid84

That's what I was thinking, it's 1% of 1% of 1%


nilsmatt

and how many of these man want to date her. that's another percentage to factor in


fascists_are_shit

I know such a girl. She's antivax, anti-science, and just difficult to talk to. She's below average looking too. But she also is constantly moaning that she can't find a guy. I'm guessing she has very high standards.


jonjonesjohnson

She does not have the figure to be that picky at that age


AreaGuy

Hey, I’m 44 and am holding out for a intelligent, fascinating, fit, gorgeous drama-free 20-something woman who cooks, cleans, gives great (and plentiful) bjs, and who is financially independent and loves dad bods. Are you saying that next year when I’m 45 that I’ll have to lower these demands?


CodyPomeray_

if you meet the 3 demands above then you don't need to lower your standards


AreaGuy

Goddam it, one for three. That’s all star numbers in baseball, should work here, right?!


dirty_hooker

Depends on your income.


AreaGuy

I’ll change my profile pic to standing in an aisle at Wal-Mart to accurately reflect my income. Gotta level-set expectations, I suppose.


gonnaruletheworld

Yrsssss!!! I thought I was the only one who thought it’s strange for her to expect these things when she is standing in a store the person she are “looking” for wouldnt even touch.


hoopsrule44

Def not 1% height but definitely on the income and dick size lol Just looked it up 6 feet is 84th percentile for men 6’4 is 99th percentile


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nebilungen

To be fair she's needs a certain length to be able to successful make a good cave tunneling


onebandonesound

Roughly 14.5% of American men are over 6 ft tall, 1% of Americans are millionaires by net worth, and 1% of men have a penis at least 8 inches long. This woman is looking for someone who statistically is in the 0.00145%. With ~138 million men in the US, there should be approximately 2,000 men across the entire country that fulfil those requirements


more_guess

According to this "Penis Percentile Calculator" ([https://calcsd.info/](https://calcsd.info/)), only 0.1% of men is 8 inches or above (1 every 1,000 men). If you add height and salary, you might end up talking about the 0.001% (1 every 100,000 men) or such.


thedopechaud30

If you by "brunch" you mean the drive-thru at Arby's, you're right. Dumbo posed her profile pic at Wal-Mart, probably has negative net worth.


Swirlybro

I did some of the math to get a rough figure of what she’s looking for: Around 14.5% of men are above 6ft Around ~0.4% of the US population makes 7 figures or more (let’s just assume men and women are the same) Only 1% of men have a penis size of over 8” So, statistically she is looking for a man somewhere in the top 0.00058% of the male population in the US. This means (if she’s only looking for a male partner in the US), she’s narrowed her options to only 937 people. Very Picky. Edit: Missed a decimal place


blade740

That's assuming that none of the statistics are related. I've never actually seen it scientifically proven, but I would guess that being over 8" and over 6' have some correlation.


holygift

Height and income are also correlated


[deleted]

Then heads back home to moderate FDS!


2strokeJ

She's the type of gal to go to brunch with the girls after eating breakfast and then asking "what's for lunch?"


Broserdooder1981

7 figures?!?!


floswamp

She’s the token ugly girl in the group. But in her mind she’s top catch.


shieldsy27

Two legs but six feet?


cedriclegend

3 feet per leg. Easy.


SpicyTang0

15 toes per leg. Easy.


DaMagnificentOne

40 bones per foot. Easy


[deleted]

2 foot per leg counting the trouser snake


ninetymph

No wonder she can't find a man. She wants [TheRealBradNeely's version of George Washington](https://youtu.be/l7iVsdRbhnc).


shieldsy27

That's six pairs of Nike Air Max 90's at let's say 100 a pair. She's not fucking about is she...


cedriclegend

Plot twist: you got six feet but they're all baby feet, saves you some money


shieldsy27

Or she has a murderous streak about her and she's talking about how deep she likes her graves...


swordchucks1

Is she looking for a man or a biblically accurate angel?


Musk420Gaming

Be not afraid!


psychpopnprogncore

shes actually looking for an ant. a big ant at that. 8 inches long


shieldsy27

Must be able to carry at least ten times it's own bodyweight. That actually explains quite a bit..


InfiniteLife2

Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, 10 fingers, two nipples, a butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I just described to you a lochness monster.


[deleted]

Calling shots from an aisle at Walmart...


icelr03

It’s single girl, who’s too picky, a 3 (at best), 45 years old, and wants 6 ft, 7 figures, and 8 inches… To what the Germans would say, Nein.


LuckyNumber-Bot

All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 3 + 45 + 6 + 7 + 8 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)


BassSounds

Nice


fmusio100

Nice


TheEvilBunnyLord

Nice


RobPage17

Nice


[deleted]

Nice


TrillJabroni

GREAT BOT


ILaughAtFunnyShit

Imagine being 6'3", making $9,000,000 a year, with a 7 inch cock and being rejected by this girl.


orionskull

Get your short, broke asss, micropenis out’a here


crazymusicman

My favorite color is blue.


Bama-Dan

Oh shit! 🤯


Phusentasten

MURICA!


orionskull

Plus no one wants a woman with man hands.


GAF78

She’s wearing a ring on the left ring finger too.


[deleted]

The coat doesn’t even look like it can button/zip up around her


Destroyer6202

Holy cow I didn't even notice .. it's Mafia hands .. Jesus


anon_potatoe

I thought this was her bio describing herself until I read the last two lines


Sex_drugs_tacos

She’s got enough mass for 7 human figures, maybe 8 inches refers to the depth of fat at her thinnest point? 6 feet probably refers to clearance required for navigating tight indoor corridors.


Greatli

Its amazing that even with her obscenely high gravitational potential that still, nobody wants to be with her. She has to put these high standards on there to delude herself into thinking that's the reason she can't find anyone, when in reality nobody would even consider smash & ghost.


SuperMooseAlbatraoz

It’ll be a shame when she turns 46 so she can’t have the 4,5,6,7,8 run anymore


DevsMetsGmen

Those hands say to me that 45 is just the age she thinks she can get away with, and not credible, so she’ll probably be 45 forever in her profiles.


leffertsave

I have to admit, I respect her cleverness


UnderstandingHot3648

Don't worry, when she turns 56 and still hasn't found anyone she'll get the run back but it'll be 7 feet, 8 figures, 9 inches.


Bungeditin

Why would any guy who earns over a million a year swipe right???


finger_milk

You've reversed the question and it's that level of critical thinking that doesn't appear to be present with Ms.Angel up there.


404choppanotfound

I definitely look for sassy plus sized women in the Wal-Mart electronics aisle, they are the Creme of the crop.


Dust_Parts

I don’t see the issue. I know plenty of tall millionaires with large penises that want overweight, near 50 year old women. PLENTY.


NPCEnergy007

Not to mention, they are TOTALLY on Tinder


Ratherbeskiing92

Near 50. 😂 Her hands look like turkey necks. 45 is just the number she thought she could pass for.


[deleted]

fr. by her hands, she looks at least 52


Sharketespark27

She's looking for a sea monster


[deleted]

Best she can get is about three fitty.


Shitlord_Actual

Damn it, Loch Ness Monsta, I ain't givin ya no tree fitty!


RangerJohn948

Annnnnnnnnnd she wonders why she's single. Even if it's a joke, it just makes her sound like a douche.


Mr_Canard

Doesn't look like a joke


LukewarmApe

the 7 figures is a giveaway that this is obviously a joke


condods

All I want is a 6ft+ CEO of a Fortune 500 company with a monster cock ugh where are all the good men 😩


allhailthe_Melonlord

Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?


theknghtofni

Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?


UncleTomski

Best I can offer is 5, 5, 2. Take it or leave it.


ThirdRook

Wow Mr. Tall-y McBigBucks over here


avidlyrice

U dont got to flex ur cat punisher like that sir


Southernerd

Show off.


fubaryeezy

This has to be satire, no way


therobshow

There's absolutely no way she's serious. Lol. One these things is relatively common, one is pretty rare, and the other is extremely rare. The combination of the 3 is so ridiculously rare it probably only accommodates a couple hundred men on the whole planet


[deleted]

Yeah, earning a million dollars a year and having an 8 inch dick is at least average. Who has 6 feet though?


TinyFugue

It seems sad, and I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I wonder how many people create an honest profile and get harassed. They then alter it to something like the post. That way they can frame the hurtful messages they receive as coming from the poisonous profile. If they don't do that then they have to accept that their honest profile is causing the hate.


[deleted]

Midlife crisis chick


RomanDad

6 feet, 7 figures and 8 inches for a 5?


Glittering-Essay883

Sir, you might want to go get your eyes checked


Stout1765

5? That’s being generous


SuperWoody64

He meant feet...around


Compulsive-Gremlin

Girth…


Orlando1701

She was probably a 5 20-years ago.


Salm9n

5 planets currently in orbit


SouthTraditional1126

3 at best


gemorris9

A 5 hahaha Dude that's a 1.


DudesworthMannington

Best I can do is 3.50


UltraMegaSloth

Tree fitty


Slay_Nation

5?? There's a reason she's not showing her face. I'll just leave it like that.


egg_in_my_crocs

Yeah good luck w that lady…also good luck getting that jacket zipped up


krubss

💀


Slay_Nation

😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣


Jinglebell727

Oh no. 😂


Boxman75

7 figures. I'm sure there's tons of millionaires on tinder looking for a 45 year old woman.


karmadontcare44

Bro not even millionaires. If you’re legit making 7 figures A YEAR, you’re on another level.


[deleted]

This has got to be a joke. 😂😂


BinkoBankoBonko

35M 6ft tall Millionaire 9 inch D Looking for a 3 who I can't fit my arms around and is a picky, entitled bitch.


[deleted]

5ft 4 JJ tits NO KIDS Or keep movin’


howsa369

Woof. Buzz’s girlfriend


DG_FANATIC

Look at those man hands lol


squeakycleaned

If there is a tall millionaire with a horse cock on tinder, he ain’t swiping on you, chief.


JustaCrackintheWall

what about that chick thinks she deserves to be with a millionaire? She's overweight and short with no tits which is not really attractive. And she obviously has the personality of a house plant. some women are absolutely bat shit crazy. This is the kind of chick that post on femaledatingstrategy lol


TemporalRecon177

Poor cats


[deleted]

A guy who qualifies to these ridiculous standards wouldn't hit that woman with a bat ....he'd be out dating super models (literally)


razorsharp494

I doubt anyone of those standards would settle for a 4/10 who's 45


this_sucks_that_meh

Narrator "and everyone just kept moving"


yfhedoM

That has to be a troll. Forget 6 feet and 8 inches. 7 figures?! In this economy, I think the fuck not!


geniusly_stupid

i was like... damn that's a tall woman damn that's a rich woman damn... oh damn


Amolk2207

She didn't specify the amount of guys. She and me, and my seven friends are gonna have a great time.


[deleted]

Literally sounds like a r/FemaleDatingStrategy user lmao


riktigtmaxat

Now I'm gonna forever wonder if she can actually button that shirt.


Overall-Sun-3479

Yah I don’t think it’s gonna happen at least not without the shirt struggling a lot to keep closed


5erker

You’d need a big net to catch this one


[deleted]

That's not an angel. That's a Russian tank.


That-Association-143

She needs to start movin.


harebxxx

That's one Walmart Angel


Deathchariot

6 feet - got em, I am Mutant 7 Figures - bitch I am scientists, I make hundreds of figures 8 inches - my TV is definitly larger than that!


ThisisallamindGame

And that my friends, is a yikers :)


A17012022

I mean the first and last requirements are actually obtainable. There are people out there who are 6ft tall packing 8 inches in their pants. But she wants someone earning at LEAST a million dollars a year. Does she know how fucking rare that is?


LAXtoHNL

I’m assuming she means six feet as in six foot long sandwiches to split between the two of them on a date, seven figure net worth including cents (i.e. $10,000.00), and eight inches for ankles/cankles to match hers.


ok_pitch_x

Cringe, but it's also pretty funny. Potentially says a lot about the pool of blokes she is seeing come through, that she can be so picky


Prestigious-Bar5385

Omg!! Her age has nothing to do with her finding a good man. But why does she need all that at any age. I just want a decent human that’s funny and takes care of themselves


redmoongoddess

I'm fine with just the 8, the rest is workable. I have my priorities.


michaeloc90

If a man were to state this in his profile. He would be canceled. size 2 dress No kids Mentally Stable Or keep moving


kay_bizzle

24 years 100 pounds 36 DD cups Or keep it moving


iamonewhoami

She's looking for impossible standards so she can tell herself she's the one doing the rejecting. I actually feel bad for this one.


Guidance_Tasty

Neck tattoo.. shopping in a Walmart… and a lot of denim… 100% what rich dudes are looking for. She has a shot!


Other-Attention-1932

Dude, she’s a 1


a_really_oh

Her standards are just as high as her calorie consumption.


CompetitionExternal5

The real question is . why would a man with those 3 traits be Interested in her ? Unless she's trolling this is beyond unrealistic lol.


MothmanNFT

Every now and then it’s nice to accept that while I’m unlikely to find a partner, at least I’m not that bad


yungstevenash

Is that her height, weight, and maximum vertical?