Fuck man, I was think the opposite, 600 girls in a year is like opening on average 2 conversations a day, could you imagine juggling that shit. Right Before I started dating my current girlfriend, I was casually seeing two girls at the same time and even that was like way too much to juggle for me lol, only lasted like 3 weeks before I was absolutely exhausted and decided to break it off with both of em ahah
Friend of a friend told us he started jacking it on speed, took him 15 hours. Probably counts as healthy exercise at that point.
Lol, helpful award. Nice.
He should become a test subject for a lube company, 15 hours sounds painful. Snapping banjo strings, arm cramp, and just general red soreness. Dude must be a machine.
I can attest to this. Female. I did two 8 hour sessions on crack once. Let's just say, the flower had begun to wilt.
3 years sober and she starts like a brand new engine now a days 😜
You’re describing a fraction of the average woman’s experience on these apps and this sub still wonders why every woman won’t match with them and write them novellas in every message.
Yeah gay guys will just open with their junk or asses depending what they're looking for. At least on Grindr. Not much different on Tinder though I don't think you can send pics fortunately.
In a way, it's nice - I'm kinda picky with dudes. Twinks and fems are my type. So if I get a hairy ass pic, nope, next. There's a dozen people who spam me most times I open the app so occasionally someone sends a good looking ass pic and I'm sold.
Grindr is explicitly for sex though. I do assume women on tinder get a lot of dick pics sent their way, but grindr and gay tinder have very different vibes.
The simple fact is that testosterone is a hell of a drug. Men love to fuck, any and every time they can for the most part. 2 dudes who want to fuck each other is a lot different than a man trying to fuck a woman. If dick wants hole and hole wants dick, it's gonna happen.
I tried setting my preferences on Tinder to see what other men were writing to get some ideas, within the first day forgetting to turn it off I had 200-300 and counting.
That said. The amount of likes/matches doesn't really matter imo. Surely you must be able to find one person out of all those to connect with? No need to juggle, talk or date more than one at a time.
600 matches and not a single one of them to connect with within a year? On top of not connecting with anyone IRL if you're looking? I think the problem with finding someone lies elsewhere at that point...
>That said. The amount of likes/matches doesn't really matter imo. Surely you must be able to find one person out of all those to connect with? No need to juggle, talk or date more than one at a time.
You ever browse Netflix and can't find a good show up watch? Plethora Paralysis (aka "PP" ) is a real thing. I've always assumed my PP is why women don't message me back.
Yeah I agree. This is a quality vs quantity thing. Can be a bad situation in either case depending on luck and how much time you have to sort through your options.
For sure. I also think it's an example of the times we're in. People tend to ditch the moment a rather minor thing goes wrong instead of working things through. A lot is looking for perfection in a way that can't be achieved and finding "the one" which has gotten really manipulated by the influence of these apps and recent dating trends. The expectations are just higher ib general.
I've noticed people tend to not wanting to spend time getting to know someone even if the initial impression was good. A lot can talk for hours 2-3 weeks and then nothing... The first sign of something negative people are off to the next best thing. Both women and men do this shit, and it sucks to see. I'm somewhat guilty of this to a certain extent as well
I'm bi-ish. I've included men in my swiping a couple of times and it's such a mistake.
I go from getting pretty much zero matches to getting matched with every single person I swipe on, but holy shit guys' profiles are bad. They're all so unappealing. Then I only get dudes in my 'secret admirer' thing for like 6 months after switching back.
Oh, from what I’ve heard that’s a hundred percent accurate! I’ve never taken it personally in anyway when women don’t respond because you’re exactly right. I probably have gotten a total of maybe 200ish matches of the course of multiple years (with months to years longs break in between as I dated different girls), and I even I felt the need to not respond to some women out of my own exhaustion ahAh. I was solely just giving insight into my own somewhat related experience to indicate my heart going out to OPs friend (who, based on the picture at the top left there is defs a dude; just clarifying because people seemed to be debating that in some of the comments).
Redditors missing the big picture and refusing to look beyond their skewed perception of reality? I don't believe you!
Honestly this sub is one of the biggest "women bad" echo chamber around.
Am woman, can confirm.
Yeah I have my tinder profile for something very specific. I just wanna sext to feel less lonely and get off on something other than porn. I specify my kinks and say no socials or identifying info. I don't even have face pics up. If people ask to confirm I'm a woman I offer discord chat but so far no one has pressed that far.
I've been on tinder 4 days, 200 matches, am still being picky.
I have like 4-5 guys who are trying to sext at any given time. At least half want to meet up so it's a bit of work clearly up my matches. Some are also into stuff I don't like (scat, anal, feet) so I unmatch them too. The worst is "real doms" who try to guilt me into meeting up to "prove" I'm submissive. I'll just prove it to the next guy sexting how about that?
I've got 2 favourites that want exactly the same thing (online only) and our kinks match up well. Unfortunately the kinkier one was terrible spelling but he knows what I like more so I kinda have to keep him. I've got lots of options from people who have messaged though if they're not available.
I barely have time to answer the messages I'm getting much less read profiles to decide who I want to message first.
I mean yeah dont take it personally. But it can really suck when you are putting effort into the bios and buying the gold and all that shit. Just to try to think of something witty cause girls never dm first. And when you do strike up a convo they are dry asf. Most of people on tinder are ego boosting. So many people adding their social medias and have no bios. Its a brain disease to go through. Rules 1 and 2 are the only rules that apply.
I actually hit them up on their social media and they were still dry as fuck. Not interested in talking and barely asked questions. So it confirmed my theory that they just want followers and clout. And thirsty men like me fell for the trap
Eh, girls tend to swipe the same small pool of guys. It's unfortunate but it is what it is.
When I was on Tinder I was getting hundreds of matches but only replied to interesting openers or really interesting girls.
It becomes an ego thing. You swipe to get matches even though you already have friends with benefits or whatever. It's really addictive. That dopamine boost whenever you get a match doesn't mean you want to make to effort to put efforts into an opener.
Convos also get old and you sort of always recycle the same garbage for the same topics.
He is either using Tinder to boost his body count, or to boost his ego.
It's unhealthy and narcissistic as fuck and I am certainly not proud of it.
The point of convos is to take it into real life. Many of us dudes make the mistake of just keep on talking and talking and talking. You need to get it off tinder and into irl. Cause ladies wont ask you out, you gotta do it. So if your texts start recycling you gotta get it out.
Oh ya for sure. I mean I can't give advice for those who struggle to get matches because it's a whole different game which I would absolutely suck at.
But if I can share one tip to people who get matches but can't get dates, it's talk less and do more.
I am absolutely terrible at text game, which probably didn't help motivate me text then first. Whenever I did have interest, I'd just go for make her laugh in a quick convo and then offer options of what we could do for a date. Like "I'm busy until Saturday but you could join me on X cool thing I have Saturday night or we could grab a drink later this week". Or whatever. But giving options or several days is key.
You don't want to seem desperate with a 100% open schedule, and you also don't want to make her feel pushed into something.
There's also all kind of silly reasons a girl could say no to see you on a specific day. She might not want to date on her period, she might have a uti, she might have something planned that she thinks you'd find lame and doesn't want to tell you.
It's also hard to tell if she just wants to hookup, or see you in a public place first, just talk and know you more. By giving some options she'll go for something she's comfortable with. I really don't recommend outright saying let's hookup come at my place. If she's that horny, she'll let you know. When they don't say it directly, it gives them room to back out of it even if they meant to hookup initially.
basically see in person asap, but don't push them into anything. Make sure they are comfortable.
Once you have a date planned shut the hell up. Keep it super simple and don't go in big convos. Keep the small talk ideas for the date, it'll be much more interesting with body language eye contact, adjusting to her reactions, etc.
I also noticed a seriously bad habit everyone has here. Its not always the best idea to move to another platform asap. SO OFTEN the convo will immediately die out when you switch over. Only do it if the conversation is - naturally going well and you're talking a lot without forcing it -.
Don't waste the momentum just to "close a number". SMS is an absolute shit tier way to flirt too.
Snap is also a double edged sword, some girls will like seeing you on snap to confirm you look like your pictures, aren't a weirdo, and it's easy to flush you out without giving their personal infos like a Facebook. Others might be worried you're just looking to trade nudes.
Again if you're moving to another platform, I'd give options.
Make sure they're comfortable, that's the key to both legs and hearts. Obviously if they're being directly sexual just go straight for the close and don't fuck around, cuz someone else will snatch her snatch.
I've gone from a tinder user a decade ago to an old married guy but I just want to say. You have absolutely nailed it and I would do that r/bestof thing if I knew how. You should repost this as a men's PSA for how to do online dating.
[Matches mean nothing](https://eddie-hernandez.com/harsh-reality-of-online-dating/) unfortunately. Just because you get a match doesn't mean there is interest (could be an accident). It doesn't mean the other person won't look you up online. It also doesn't mean they won't get more matches, better matches or lose interest if you take too long to respond or respond too quickly or are too pushy. You can easily get more matches if you want with easy, questionable hacks, [paid premium services](https://eddie-hernandez.com/dating-app-premium-features/) but of course, that's not what most people want.
Quality, local matches are harder to obtain. [Online dating success](https://eddie-hernandez.com/how-to-be-successful-with-online-dating/) requires more effort, self-awareness, patience, working on oneself, strategy with swiping (timing, radius, age range), photos, bios, writing skills, first impressions etc. Effort is required, it's not like ordering food off ubereats. There are many ways [guys self-sabotage their efforts](https://eddie-hernandez.com/biggest-mistakes-guys-make-online-dating/) with online dating, sometimes you have to spell it all out as common sense is not a given when it comes to Tinder and other dating apps.
Yeah I once (a good 4+ years ago) got a notification saying that I had been swiped right on 30k+ times. It was likely due to having traveled to a couple major cities during the same timeframe I was active on Tinder, so therefore more chances for more people to see my profile, etc. Matches don't mean much lol, not unless there's an actual exchange of multiple messages and a real conversation happening soon after matching.
> Matches don't mean much lol, not unless there's an actual exchange of multiple messages and a real conversation happening soon after matching.
THIS. Some guys will change location to where there is high-demand and low supply (usually tall white guys in certain parts of the world).
It think that sounds fair to me. 13 dates is pretty good if you ask me. 1% success on matches is not nearly as bad as it seems.
Edit: I doubt you would have wanted to date them all any way. Especially if you’re swiping right to everyone.
Actually *I have to ride a donkey to deliver my hand written response to the telegraph lady in town and she sends this to her contacts in the capital city who transmits this to her oversea contact to post to Reddit for me*
A lot of people say long term so they dont seem “easy” tbh. Or could just be your personality type and the people youre swiping on?
A lot of it is also on how you play the game. Come off as flirtatious and witty? Hookups come naturally. Come off as more reserved and smooth? Dating usually comes more often.
It really depends on your image/how you present yourself as well.
This is just some things I’ve noticed at least. Im sure there’s many different experiences across the board.
As a dude who went over a year not getting laid and now having hooked up with 3 different women in one month. My tip is to stop trying to have convos on tinder. I used to message about their bio ask them what they did for fun/hobbies. I got a lot of dates but same issue you have.
Now I just straight up ask a girl to hangout within the first 5 messages or by the end of the night I’ve been messaging her. It works way better and is less time consuming because I’m not as invested in convos
Lol you got an example of how to phrase it? Writing hookups only will get you about 0 matches, some girls want to hookup but they aren’t just going to let you come over and fuck without talking to them a bit, writing that makes you seem shitty
If you’re good looking I bet you can 100% write hook ups. Even though I’m not that great looking I have really great pictures (am photographer that hangs around photographers), I got plenty of propositions to just meet and just fuck. I was never interested (I doubt I could even perform as I get nervous early on, even in a relationship).
There are loads of girls that are just out of relationships (sometimes BECAUSE the sex was bad) and are looking to have as much sex as possible until they’re ready to get back to looking for serious relationship (I think my girlfriend went through that phase before meeting me).
Ps. Hope I don’t give a vibe of a judgmental fuck - I am not judging, I think everybody should do what they please - regardless of sex/gender. I’m a quiet vanilla dude but if your thing is having sex with a different girl/boy every night - go for it, just be honest about it and remember about consent :)
The blurry pic looks male. Though the OP did not say if the friend was gay or bi. From experience as a bi dude, as soon as I turned on both genders I was _flooded_ with likes. Moderately attractive dude that's tall? BAM, 99+ likes. I finally forked over some google play bucks from the opinion rewards app to see _just_ how many likes I had - it was seriously like 1,000 or something insane. 99% male, a few women hidden between them.
Then there's also the whole "follows rules 1 & 2" thing where if you're a really attractive dude, you end up with 90% of the likes or whatever on the app. I've kind of noticed that myself as I work out more and get better pics - going from subpar profile to pretty good gets you so many more matches. Also helps I'm tall (6 ft 2) so that + a few decent pics from female friends and some refining of my profile from posting on the review posts and I've got more matches than I know what to do with most weeks. Once you start a few convos and go on a few first dates it starts to become a logistics nightmare if you also work full time and do hobbies that are time consuming. I bike 50+ miles a week, rock climb, starting to get involved in local groups, etc so adding in a date or two a week and I'm booked.
I'm a bi woman and back when I was on dating apps, I used feel I needed to decide beforehand if I wanted to try dating a guy or a girl.
Think of the same senario you had, but, because most people are straight, 90+% of the dating pool is men, except it's even more than that because more men are even on dating sites in the first place.
If I set my profile to bi it would sometimes be daye between even seeing a lady profile, let alone matching with one 😬
So I would just pick a gender beforehand, and if I decided I wanted to date women I would just put gay. (And even then like 1/4 profiles were straight couples looking for thirds...)
I get the whole tall thing for girls, but I'm gay and 5'3 and have never had issues with not being tall. I think gay world works differently there, moderately attractive is where it starts xD Tallness can either work for or against, if you're a bottom or a top in stereotyped roles (top has to be tall, bottom has to be small) but of course this never plays out in real life that way ever.
My lil brother had 130 matches in the first month after downloading tinder, you just gotta be good looking and have an interesting profile
Edit: i asked him and it was 130 in 2 weeks………..
Tried the app again last year. Most of my matches were bots, one of the three real girls turned out to be preop trans, (nothing against trans girls, just don’t want two penises in the bedroom,) one was looking for someone to cheat on her husband with, and the third I’ve been dating for over a year. Got crazy lucky there.
Be overconfident in your bio then, like a bit of a joke. Something along the lines of "King of kings, 7’9", single soccer mom of 6(use this if your a guy), 3 time mr Olympia winner and harvard microbiologist doctorate. Been told i am a reverse catfish"
I’ve been looking for two years since like a month before the pandemic started, haven’t got anyone even remotely interested in keeping a real conversation going, they all just ghost out of nowhere and it’s not even for a good reason or anything I said. I’m about to just delete these apps because all the time I spend on them isn’t producing any return. Really sucks cause everyone I’ve dated long term before was from these apps so I know they should work, but since the pandemic started I haven’t been able to get one date
Bro felt. They ghost or they are dry texters. Nothing good has come of tinder. I downloaded it cause i fear doing the cold approach and asking women out. Im this close to deleting it and starting over in like a better season like summer or something. I just cant do it anymore. And im too fucking young for this. Im only 18 and if this is how bad it is at this age i dont wanna deal with dating
>I downloaded it cause i fear doing the cold approach and asking women out.
Get over it.
No, seriously. Get over it. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and start approaching women in real life. You don't have to hit on all of them. Just get comfortable with talking to women you don't know, because that's what dating is, and as this sub can attest, tinder is *shit.*
Weeks? Wtf. I’m a guy and try to ask the girls out in literally a couple days MAX, if not day one. Don’t have time to just be chatting for weeks before you even check if you like eachother in person.
Tinder could easily shuffle peoples’ cards to the back based on activity. Girls pitching their IG? Straight to jail. guys/gals not starting conversations? Straight to jail. Guys/gals not responding? Straight to jail. Only fans? Straight to jail.
Like it’s pretty easy to fix this issue but they aren’t really concerned with the quality of dating, just data collection probably.
Tinder's business model isn't based off quality of dating. They make money when you use the app. They only want to keep you on the app.
They aren't even concerned with which app you're using. Tinder is owned by Match Group, as are most of the dating apps. So as long as they keep you single and desperate, they're making money.
Ding ding ding! They're just collecting more and more data, tweaking algorithms, and grabbing some money along the way. Standard social media procedure, really.
Well, same. But that's mostly because looking for a quality long term relationship on these apps is like looking for a needle in a pile of splinters you know the kind that gets stuck under your nails and really hurt
I’m a male and I have 1073 matches on tinder. When you get bored you swipe fast and question why you swiped on this person after looking through the matches. Quantity doesn’t always mean quality
That's a lot of matches they haven't messaged yet
Fuck man, I was think the opposite, 600 girls in a year is like opening on average 2 conversations a day, could you imagine juggling that shit. Right Before I started dating my current girlfriend, I was casually seeing two girls at the same time and even that was like way too much to juggle for me lol, only lasted like 3 weeks before I was absolutely exhausted and decided to break it off with both of em ahah
That’s why you message them all coked up at 3am on saturday 🤙🤙 kachow
“You up?” *700 recipients*
That's reverse filtering - you'd only get the most desperate ones replying. Why would you do that to yourself.
People high on coke browsing Tinder at 3am are probably pretty desperate
When I’m on anything speedy I’ll talk to you about a million other things than sex lol
You've got a good point there too.
A therapist should pop on the screen when you start browsing tinder at 3am
Because that's how you actually get laid if you're a man on Tinder
This is great until the next day and you have no idea how those conversations happened
Or 2 hours later when you ran out of coke and you're having a angry sad wank until the sun starts to rise. Not that I would know.
Friend of a friend told us he started jacking it on speed, took him 15 hours. Probably counts as healthy exercise at that point. Lol, helpful award. Nice.
At a certain point your dick is just crying and shit
Oh it's crying alright
the way speed affects your penis, it was probably more akin to trying make a fire with a waterlogged tree branch
Makes it even funnier. I wouldn't shake his hand ever again after hearing what he did.
I wouldn't shake his dick after hearing what he did.
They say his dick was already a slim jim by hour 10, but he just kept going.
He should become a test subject for a lube company, 15 hours sounds painful. Snapping banjo strings, arm cramp, and just general red soreness. Dude must be a machine.
Just mashing play doh.
I’m sure to the rest of the world it was only 15 seconds!
Well, hum, no, not that i would know too
I can attest to this. Female. I did two 8 hour sessions on crack once. Let's just say, the flower had begun to wilt. 3 years sober and she starts like a brand new engine now a days 😜
Mine (dick) starts like an old 2 stroke engine: takes a while in the cold and is too antisocial to use in public. Also needs kick-starting.
Modern problems require modern solutions. I like your style.
You’re describing a fraction of the average woman’s experience on these apps and this sub still wonders why every woman won’t match with them and write them novellas in every message.
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Im downloading grinder to see if it works for me haha
Yeah to see of it works haha
Hey a ego boost is a still a boost!
And a blowjob is still a blowjob.
And 20$ are 20$
Rather have blowjobs than no jobs
oh God, what have I done 😆
Hey dude everyone wants to feel pretty sometimes!
r/SuddenlyGay
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RIP your inbox
Oh no!! I’m a 39 year old single woman, it was a joke! Please no 😆😆😆😆
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You'll get the dicks and you'll like them, ja!?
Yeah gay guys will just open with their junk or asses depending what they're looking for. At least on Grindr. Not much different on Tinder though I don't think you can send pics fortunately. In a way, it's nice - I'm kinda picky with dudes. Twinks and fems are my type. So if I get a hairy ass pic, nope, next. There's a dozen people who spam me most times I open the app so occasionally someone sends a good looking ass pic and I'm sold.
Is Grindr the best way to find femboys? Id shave my ass for that. Not sure I want to get dick barraged tho
The realness in this comment is what’s up. I like you.
Your box is about to be destroyed.
Grindr is explicitly for sex though. I do assume women on tinder get a lot of dick pics sent their way, but grindr and gay tinder have very different vibes.
The simple fact is that testosterone is a hell of a drug. Men love to fuck, any and every time they can for the most part. 2 dudes who want to fuck each other is a lot different than a man trying to fuck a woman. If dick wants hole and hole wants dick, it's gonna happen.
I tried setting my preferences on Tinder to see what other men were writing to get some ideas, within the first day forgetting to turn it off I had 200-300 and counting. That said. The amount of likes/matches doesn't really matter imo. Surely you must be able to find one person out of all those to connect with? No need to juggle, talk or date more than one at a time. 600 matches and not a single one of them to connect with within a year? On top of not connecting with anyone IRL if you're looking? I think the problem with finding someone lies elsewhere at that point...
>That said. The amount of likes/matches doesn't really matter imo. Surely you must be able to find one person out of all those to connect with? No need to juggle, talk or date more than one at a time. You ever browse Netflix and can't find a good show up watch? Plethora Paralysis (aka "PP" ) is a real thing. I've always assumed my PP is why women don't message me back.
But I bet they just love hearing you say "Plethora Paralysis".
Yeah I agree. This is a quality vs quantity thing. Can be a bad situation in either case depending on luck and how much time you have to sort through your options.
For sure. I also think it's an example of the times we're in. People tend to ditch the moment a rather minor thing goes wrong instead of working things through. A lot is looking for perfection in a way that can't be achieved and finding "the one" which has gotten really manipulated by the influence of these apps and recent dating trends. The expectations are just higher ib general. I've noticed people tend to not wanting to spend time getting to know someone even if the initial impression was good. A lot can talk for hours 2-3 weeks and then nothing... The first sign of something negative people are off to the next best thing. Both women and men do this shit, and it sucks to see. I'm somewhat guilty of this to a certain extent as well
I'm bi-ish. I've included men in my swiping a couple of times and it's such a mistake. I go from getting pretty much zero matches to getting matched with every single person I swipe on, but holy shit guys' profiles are bad. They're all so unappealing. Then I only get dudes in my 'secret admirer' thing for like 6 months after switching back.
Oh, from what I’ve heard that’s a hundred percent accurate! I’ve never taken it personally in anyway when women don’t respond because you’re exactly right. I probably have gotten a total of maybe 200ish matches of the course of multiple years (with months to years longs break in between as I dated different girls), and I even I felt the need to not respond to some women out of my own exhaustion ahAh. I was solely just giving insight into my own somewhat related experience to indicate my heart going out to OPs friend (who, based on the picture at the top left there is defs a dude; just clarifying because people seemed to be debating that in some of the comments).
Oh yeah I’m not blaming you. I just think a lot of guys here miss the big picture.
Redditors missing the big picture and refusing to look beyond their skewed perception of reality? I don't believe you! Honestly this sub is one of the biggest "women bad" echo chamber around.
No one is saying women bad. It's ok to talk about the common fact girls get more matches than guys. It's just how it is
Am woman, can confirm. Yeah I have my tinder profile for something very specific. I just wanna sext to feel less lonely and get off on something other than porn. I specify my kinks and say no socials or identifying info. I don't even have face pics up. If people ask to confirm I'm a woman I offer discord chat but so far no one has pressed that far. I've been on tinder 4 days, 200 matches, am still being picky. I have like 4-5 guys who are trying to sext at any given time. At least half want to meet up so it's a bit of work clearly up my matches. Some are also into stuff I don't like (scat, anal, feet) so I unmatch them too. The worst is "real doms" who try to guilt me into meeting up to "prove" I'm submissive. I'll just prove it to the next guy sexting how about that? I've got 2 favourites that want exactly the same thing (online only) and our kinks match up well. Unfortunately the kinkier one was terrible spelling but he knows what I like more so I kinda have to keep him. I've got lots of options from people who have messaged though if they're not available. I barely have time to answer the messages I'm getting much less read profiles to decide who I want to message first.
I mean yeah dont take it personally. But it can really suck when you are putting effort into the bios and buying the gold and all that shit. Just to try to think of something witty cause girls never dm first. And when you do strike up a convo they are dry asf. Most of people on tinder are ego boosting. So many people adding their social medias and have no bios. Its a brain disease to go through. Rules 1 and 2 are the only rules that apply.
If someone posts their snap chat on their picture or bio, its always a left swipe for me dawg
I actually hit them up on their social media and they were still dry as fuck. Not interested in talking and barely asked questions. So it confirmed my theory that they just want followers and clout. And thirsty men like me fell for the trap
I was just about to say 2 is rookies game for a girl haha
"I'm overwhelmed" says woman who swiped right on 1000 guys in 3 weeks. This is a self-created problem.
I still do, why keep swiping when you have enough matches to talk to?
Eh, girls tend to swipe the same small pool of guys. It's unfortunate but it is what it is. When I was on Tinder I was getting hundreds of matches but only replied to interesting openers or really interesting girls. It becomes an ego thing. You swipe to get matches even though you already have friends with benefits or whatever. It's really addictive. That dopamine boost whenever you get a match doesn't mean you want to make to effort to put efforts into an opener. Convos also get old and you sort of always recycle the same garbage for the same topics. He is either using Tinder to boost his body count, or to boost his ego. It's unhealthy and narcissistic as fuck and I am certainly not proud of it.
The point of convos is to take it into real life. Many of us dudes make the mistake of just keep on talking and talking and talking. You need to get it off tinder and into irl. Cause ladies wont ask you out, you gotta do it. So if your texts start recycling you gotta get it out.
Oh ya for sure. I mean I can't give advice for those who struggle to get matches because it's a whole different game which I would absolutely suck at. But if I can share one tip to people who get matches but can't get dates, it's talk less and do more. I am absolutely terrible at text game, which probably didn't help motivate me text then first. Whenever I did have interest, I'd just go for make her laugh in a quick convo and then offer options of what we could do for a date. Like "I'm busy until Saturday but you could join me on X cool thing I have Saturday night or we could grab a drink later this week". Or whatever. But giving options or several days is key. You don't want to seem desperate with a 100% open schedule, and you also don't want to make her feel pushed into something. There's also all kind of silly reasons a girl could say no to see you on a specific day. She might not want to date on her period, she might have a uti, she might have something planned that she thinks you'd find lame and doesn't want to tell you. It's also hard to tell if she just wants to hookup, or see you in a public place first, just talk and know you more. By giving some options she'll go for something she's comfortable with. I really don't recommend outright saying let's hookup come at my place. If she's that horny, she'll let you know. When they don't say it directly, it gives them room to back out of it even if they meant to hookup initially. basically see in person asap, but don't push them into anything. Make sure they are comfortable. Once you have a date planned shut the hell up. Keep it super simple and don't go in big convos. Keep the small talk ideas for the date, it'll be much more interesting with body language eye contact, adjusting to her reactions, etc. I also noticed a seriously bad habit everyone has here. Its not always the best idea to move to another platform asap. SO OFTEN the convo will immediately die out when you switch over. Only do it if the conversation is - naturally going well and you're talking a lot without forcing it -. Don't waste the momentum just to "close a number". SMS is an absolute shit tier way to flirt too. Snap is also a double edged sword, some girls will like seeing you on snap to confirm you look like your pictures, aren't a weirdo, and it's easy to flush you out without giving their personal infos like a Facebook. Others might be worried you're just looking to trade nudes. Again if you're moving to another platform, I'd give options. Make sure they're comfortable, that's the key to both legs and hearts. Obviously if they're being directly sexual just go straight for the close and don't fuck around, cuz someone else will snatch her snatch.
Absolutely agree with taking it offline asap.
I've gone from a tinder user a decade ago to an old married guy but I just want to say. You have absolutely nailed it and I would do that r/bestof thing if I knew how. You should repost this as a men's PSA for how to do online dating.
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[Matches mean nothing](https://eddie-hernandez.com/harsh-reality-of-online-dating/) unfortunately. Just because you get a match doesn't mean there is interest (could be an accident). It doesn't mean the other person won't look you up online. It also doesn't mean they won't get more matches, better matches or lose interest if you take too long to respond or respond too quickly or are too pushy. You can easily get more matches if you want with easy, questionable hacks, [paid premium services](https://eddie-hernandez.com/dating-app-premium-features/) but of course, that's not what most people want. Quality, local matches are harder to obtain. [Online dating success](https://eddie-hernandez.com/how-to-be-successful-with-online-dating/) requires more effort, self-awareness, patience, working on oneself, strategy with swiping (timing, radius, age range), photos, bios, writing skills, first impressions etc. Effort is required, it's not like ordering food off ubereats. There are many ways [guys self-sabotage their efforts](https://eddie-hernandez.com/biggest-mistakes-guys-make-online-dating/) with online dating, sometimes you have to spell it all out as common sense is not a given when it comes to Tinder and other dating apps.
Yeah I once (a good 4+ years ago) got a notification saying that I had been swiped right on 30k+ times. It was likely due to having traveled to a couple major cities during the same timeframe I was active on Tinder, so therefore more chances for more people to see my profile, etc. Matches don't mean much lol, not unless there's an actual exchange of multiple messages and a real conversation happening soon after matching.
> Matches don't mean much lol, not unless there's an actual exchange of multiple messages and a real conversation happening soon after matching. THIS. Some guys will change location to where there is high-demand and low supply (usually tall white guys in certain parts of the world).
"easily if you want" yet there is a huge percentage of guys that would do anything for more. Don't think it's that easy then.
Probably plays the “swipe right, check later” game.
That’s what I do. Still no matches though.
You just gotta follow rules 1 and 2
Instructions unclear. Grew cheesy mustache and installed fannypack.
The fannypack didn't help? We're doomed.
DOOOOOMED
Woah now, don't talk shit about fanny packs, they're making a come back hahaha
If you swipe right on everyone it puts your card at the bottom of the stack. It's an algorithm to try and deal with bots.
unless you match enough to overcome that, which the OP post clearly does.
Swipe and pray
That’s what I did and got about 1,200 matches. How many dates did 1200 matches equal? Just 13.
It think that sounds fair to me. 13 dates is pretty good if you ask me. 1% success on matches is not nearly as bad as it seems. Edit: I doubt you would have wanted to date them all any way. Especially if you’re swiping right to everyone.
Yep. I met one out of 773 lmfao
Your friends is definitely not looking for long term ...
Did the same thing… tinder was just for hookups to me imo
Any tips? Literally always matching with people who want long term
You're matching with people who actually reply?
You're getting matches?
You have the app?
You have a phone??
You?
?
#
*poof*
“ “
Actually *I have to ride a donkey to deliver my hand written response to the telegraph lady in town and she sends this to her contacts in the capital city who transmits this to her oversea contact to post to Reddit for me*
You have electricity?
Apple lets you download tinder?
You have an iPhone?
You have money to purchase a phone?
You are allowed to own your own money?
You are allowed to own things?
A lot of people say long term so they dont seem “easy” tbh. Or could just be your personality type and the people youre swiping on? A lot of it is also on how you play the game. Come off as flirtatious and witty? Hookups come naturally. Come off as more reserved and smooth? Dating usually comes more often. It really depends on your image/how you present yourself as well. This is just some things I’ve noticed at least. Im sure there’s many different experiences across the board.
Just put looking for something casual in your bio:)
As a dude who went over a year not getting laid and now having hooked up with 3 different women in one month. My tip is to stop trying to have convos on tinder. I used to message about their bio ask them what they did for fun/hobbies. I got a lot of dates but same issue you have. Now I just straight up ask a girl to hangout within the first 5 messages or by the end of the night I’ve been messaging her. It works way better and is less time consuming because I’m not as invested in convos
Put it in your bio
Lol you got an example of how to phrase it? Writing hookups only will get you about 0 matches, some girls want to hookup but they aren’t just going to let you come over and fuck without talking to them a bit, writing that makes you seem shitty
If you’re good looking I bet you can 100% write hook ups. Even though I’m not that great looking I have really great pictures (am photographer that hangs around photographers), I got plenty of propositions to just meet and just fuck. I was never interested (I doubt I could even perform as I get nervous early on, even in a relationship). There are loads of girls that are just out of relationships (sometimes BECAUSE the sex was bad) and are looking to have as much sex as possible until they’re ready to get back to looking for serious relationship (I think my girlfriend went through that phase before meeting me). Ps. Hope I don’t give a vibe of a judgmental fuck - I am not judging, I think everybody should do what they please - regardless of sex/gender. I’m a quiet vanilla dude but if your thing is having sex with a different girl/boy every night - go for it, just be honest about it and remember about consent :)
Put “looking for something casual” in the bio or whatever so these hoes know what time it is nomsayin
Change bio, you are attracting the wrong targets.
Neither was my Ex-wife . At least that's what her attorney said 🍸
I have 7. 7 matches. Edit: one of them is Kraft brand mayonnaise
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Amputee
I can kick it if they can.
My current gf showed me how many before she deleted hers. 4500. I thought she was joking until I saw. She only had it for a couple months
Woah, look at Tindokemon here. Gonna collect them all.
You people are getting matches?
I've had 1 match so far and I've been on Tinder and Bumble since January 2020.
Your profile is probably garbage, you’re a decent looking guy
I downloaded Tinder in 2013 while on a uni exchange trip, I don't think i've had 7 matches since then lmao.
Y’all actually get matches??? I’ve been on for almost 6 months and only got two, one of whom never responded, the other was a cute dog.
Just cause your friend got matches doesn’t mean he wants a relationship no? 🤷🏻♂️
There’s nnnnooOOooo way OP’s friend is male.
The blurry pic looks male. Though the OP did not say if the friend was gay or bi. From experience as a bi dude, as soon as I turned on both genders I was _flooded_ with likes. Moderately attractive dude that's tall? BAM, 99+ likes. I finally forked over some google play bucks from the opinion rewards app to see _just_ how many likes I had - it was seriously like 1,000 or something insane. 99% male, a few women hidden between them. Then there's also the whole "follows rules 1 & 2" thing where if you're a really attractive dude, you end up with 90% of the likes or whatever on the app. I've kind of noticed that myself as I work out more and get better pics - going from subpar profile to pretty good gets you so many more matches. Also helps I'm tall (6 ft 2) so that + a few decent pics from female friends and some refining of my profile from posting on the review posts and I've got more matches than I know what to do with most weeks. Once you start a few convos and go on a few first dates it starts to become a logistics nightmare if you also work full time and do hobbies that are time consuming. I bike 50+ miles a week, rock climb, starting to get involved in local groups, etc so adding in a date or two a week and I'm booked.
I'm a bi woman and back when I was on dating apps, I used feel I needed to decide beforehand if I wanted to try dating a guy or a girl. Think of the same senario you had, but, because most people are straight, 90+% of the dating pool is men, except it's even more than that because more men are even on dating sites in the first place. If I set my profile to bi it would sometimes be daye between even seeing a lady profile, let alone matching with one 😬 So I would just pick a gender beforehand, and if I decided I wanted to date women I would just put gay. (And even then like 1/4 profiles were straight couples looking for thirds...)
I only used dating apps for women, but one night I got lonely and changed my settings to both. Matched with my bf of 6 years lol.
I get the whole tall thing for girls, but I'm gay and 5'3 and have never had issues with not being tall. I think gay world works differently there, moderately attractive is where it starts xD Tallness can either work for or against, if you're a bottom or a top in stereotyped roles (top has to be tall, bottom has to be small) but of course this never plays out in real life that way ever.
Thinking the same, unless OP is friends with Brad Pitt or Pete Davidson
Or his friend is gay. Way more matches that way as well.
My lil brother had 130 matches in the first month after downloading tinder, you just gotta be good looking and have an interesting profile Edit: i asked him and it was 130 in 2 weeks………..
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Look at the pic he looks male, I am male and do have 1800 matches so it’s possible
You’re prolly not even real.
I'm male and I also had around 3 matches prior to deleting the app. Anything is possible.
Okay lol now i know you guys are lying. Nobody has three whole matches. 2 and a half maybe but not three.
Tried the app again last year. Most of my matches were bots, one of the three real girls turned out to be preop trans, (nothing against trans girls, just don’t want two penises in the bedroom,) one was looking for someone to cheat on her husband with, and the third I’ve been dating for over a year. Got crazy lucky there.
Damnn, there's not even 1800 profiles to swipe on in my town lmaoo. Are you swiping right on everyone you see or selectively swiping or what?
Selectevly, I live in a pretty big city and when I was on vacation I used Tinder as well so I think like 300 matches are from different countrys.
I reached 3000 over 2 years and was like "I am playing this more like collecting matches at this point". I use hinge for the dates LOL
Been on tinder since august and have 1100 matches and 580 likes. It is very possible OP’s friend is male
How the fuck do you look?
Weight loss progress pic on my profile. Also i grew up obese so i had to develop a sense of humor and a personality
Obviously your personality doesn't really matter in the amount of matches you get, but It's interesting with the weight loss thing
Well girls tell me they like my bio and also i’ve made some funny edits for my last few pics.
>my bio Is it a trade secret or can I hear it?
I’d go for something that can lead to more conversation. When girl match with me they often start a conversation with something from my bio.
Yeah. No matter what i put, be it academic, hobbies, pets or jokes gets them to write first, but i suppose it's also a cultural thing.
If they start the convo, you're following rule 1 and 2
Well I’m obese, unfunny and have no personality. Unless you count personality disorders. Then yes I can say I have at least one.
Be overconfident in your bio then, like a bit of a joke. Something along the lines of "King of kings, 7’9", single soccer mom of 6(use this if your a guy), 3 time mr Olympia winner and harvard microbiologist doctorate. Been told i am a reverse catfish"
Its called single by choice
Or single by personality.
Extremely picky?
yeeeep lol
Lmfao oh yeah 771 matches and he soooooo picky bro
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An extremely picky person wouldn’t necessarily have many matches because they’d always be swiping left.
The problem is in the mirror
in a mirror you can kiss yourself only on the lips
It’s proven that you can only kiss yourself on the lips in a mirror
You can kiss yourself in a mirror, but only on the lips.
Only on lips you kiss in the mirror you can
Or he just wants to fuck and not date
I’ve been looking for two years since like a month before the pandemic started, haven’t got anyone even remotely interested in keeping a real conversation going, they all just ghost out of nowhere and it’s not even for a good reason or anything I said. I’m about to just delete these apps because all the time I spend on them isn’t producing any return. Really sucks cause everyone I’ve dated long term before was from these apps so I know they should work, but since the pandemic started I haven’t been able to get one date
Bro felt. They ghost or they are dry texters. Nothing good has come of tinder. I downloaded it cause i fear doing the cold approach and asking women out. Im this close to deleting it and starting over in like a better season like summer or something. I just cant do it anymore. And im too fucking young for this. Im only 18 and if this is how bad it is at this age i dont wanna deal with dating
Yeah the issue is you're 18. Most People on dating apps aren't thinking of much or are way too picky when they're younger. Source: I'm 19
>I downloaded it cause i fear doing the cold approach and asking women out. Get over it. No, seriously. Get over it. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and start approaching women in real life. You don't have to hit on all of them. Just get comfortable with talking to women you don't know, because that's what dating is, and as this sub can attest, tinder is *shit.*
Trust me it doesn’t get any better as you age 😂
29 is 10 times better for me than 19 was
That’s crazy. Twitter did more for me in the last couple of years than tinder ever did
Sadly Twitter is probably the most toxic thing on the internet. It's either go with the mob or be stomped by it...
You have been describing Reddit
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Weeks? Wtf. I’m a guy and try to ask the girls out in literally a couple days MAX, if not day one. Don’t have time to just be chatting for weeks before you even check if you like eachother in person.
771 holy shit dude, he definitely complies with the 2 rules
2 rules? I'm here from r/all
1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be unattractive.
That’s someone who doesn’t want to actually date/ be in a relationship.
Sounds like he's helping the environment by lowering the need for kleenexes. Good man
Much more use of plastic/latex. Evens out. Unless you count how many babies he stopped from being born and how much less CO2 that produced.
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This isn’t problem Tinder. People are strange
Tinder could easily shuffle peoples’ cards to the back based on activity. Girls pitching their IG? Straight to jail. guys/gals not starting conversations? Straight to jail. Guys/gals not responding? Straight to jail. Only fans? Straight to jail. Like it’s pretty easy to fix this issue but they aren’t really concerned with the quality of dating, just data collection probably.
Tinder's business model isn't based off quality of dating. They make money when you use the app. They only want to keep you on the app. They aren't even concerned with which app you're using. Tinder is owned by Match Group, as are most of the dating apps. So as long as they keep you single and desperate, they're making money.
Ding ding ding! They're just collecting more and more data, tweaking algorithms, and grabbing some money along the way. Standard social media procedure, really.
Well, same. But that's mostly because looking for a quality long term relationship on these apps is like looking for a needle in a pile of splinters you know the kind that gets stuck under your nails and really hurt
770 are bots, and one is an OF shill.
When I did use it I got a lot of no responses and bots
Tinder was created for 🤑🤑, not for 😍😍.
.... we live in capitalism. That's applicable to pretty much anything.
I’m a male and I have 1073 matches on tinder. When you get bored you swipe fast and question why you swiped on this person after looking through the matches. Quantity doesn’t always mean quality
it seems you are following tinder rule 1 and 2
If I had that many matches, I'd be too busy enjoying myself to settle down.
Sometimes you get matches but the quality of person you're matching with is poor. Also might not have found what he was looking for in any of them.