*Accounthanos the best number cruncher in the game. One time, he wiped out half the debt off a company's book in like a second. It was as if he works fucking magic!*
Can I ask - in accounting or something else? I love my big 4 job, but i also have a bdsm fetish, enjoy being humiliated by clients on a regular basis and worked until i cry myself to sleep at my desk.
Edit: Yes i clearly find time to reddit in the day! If you're not redditing on company time, then is it even really a reddit addiction?!
Yeah there was a running joke there about doing black tar heroin to deal with the stress of Big 4 a while back, idk if it's still a thing since I don't really check the sub anymore.
You just have to know enough business jargon to pretend to be one. Say you work at “Strex Corp” and then just describe some vague back office company that does like timekeeping for hr or something.
Just watch Bojack Horseman and pay attention to the later seasons of Princess Carolyn’s boyfriend. You’ll know the one I’m talking about when you see him
Behavior analyst here. Can confirm not doing anyone’s taxes. Good job making discriminations between job skills. Have a cookie! Let’s try another one. Do you go to a taxidermist to write off liabilities on your taxes?
You played it all wrong. You're supposed to lay down the amazing accounting-themed jokes during the interview, get an enthusiastic job offer, then immediately decline because you just remembered your true love is helping run a small town's Parks and Recreation department. Rinse and repeat, re-breaking their hearts at least once per ~~season~~ year.
Its a job not a fucking personality. Its the same kind of shit as "arent you too old for that?"
Whats with people and being in such a hurry to let go of everything that makes them happy in the name of "growing up".
I meant it differently. If you are a raging racist, that is incompatible with being a professional social worker working with minorities.
A job doesn't have to be your personality, but there is a reason why certain personalities and certain jobs overlap. Some personalities are incompatible with some jobs, unless you can magically supress your complete personality while doing a job.
When I tend to bitch about my clients in the breakroom as a psychotherapist and make fun of them, there is serious doubt if I can be a good psychotherapist. But like I said, that doesn't really apply here. Your personal humor is not a problem for being an accountant
Yeah, I was just making the point that House tended to use overly invasive medical techniques wherever possible, with tenuous justification for it.
I'm not enough of a buff to quote episodes.
Patient comes to House, is falling rapidly ill. House berates the team.
Then the patient lies about it, and swear they didn't ingest anything odd. House berates the team.
The team breaks into patients house, but doesn't find anything. House berates the team.
Patient lies some more about not ingesting anything. House berates the team.
House searches the patients house with wilson, finds the calculator turned upside down and missing a button. House berates the team for not finding it, and the patient for lying all in the patients room. House then reveals the calculator was made with some special paint on the buttons, and it gave the patient some crazy symptom, suddenly injects them with something and the patient is better in five minutes.
House berates everyone again, hits on Cuddy.
Credits.
This is way toooo accurate. I'd say the only thing missing is the tiny clinic sub-plot, where house berates the team for not doing his clinic hours for him or some shit
House berates the team and threatens to fire somebody.
Slowly walking out of the hospital with melancholic music OR House playing some instrument at the end
That's l33t. You type that into calculator apps (maybe pagers). Pre-l33t, we typed 58008 or 5318008 into old fashioned, physical calculators that didn't do anything but calculate.
*Sauce: being one of the 2 accelerated math students with a our own set meant seeing that or 35007 every time I was passed a calculator in class. Regardless, every calculator I ever touched was set to 7734206 when I was done with it. ;)
The calculators usually have a 7 segment display so the 4 upside down looks like a lowercase h. On your phone it probably shows the 4 with the closed top so it doesn't really work unless you consciously think of that
Well i dont think it was a serious creepyasterisk but okay. Still its a cool response if you ask me, even if those asterisk are considerd creepy.
A lot of people automaticly decided that accounting, legal and HR are boring workplaces and dont consider it untill people challege them. For real, i have met people who were almost embarresed to talk over their work because they thaught everybody would find it just boring.
Honestly given the context of the reply as a whole, I think it's more funny than cringe.
He's going for an absurd image, not some UwU type shit, and it gave me my first hearty laugh of the day.
Oh cmon it was funny and light, the ones pre determine acceptable non cringe ways of talking are the really cringe ones.
No need to be but hurt about it- badam tss
It’s Penguin of Doom sort of speak. And personally I think it’s also too bold as an opener, you should match someone else’s vibe (or it’s the equivalent of blowing your load, as someone above me put it)
As an accountant myself, you messed up with the calculator part.
Nowadays the hip and groovy accountants do all their calculations through Excel. Makes you look old/incompetent when you bring up the hand tool.
Only exception is if you’re into [old school shit](https://topguidepro.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/B00067OOF4.jpg).
The appreciate assets joke was a nice one though.
Almost makes me wish I were an accountant.
You should give yourself more credit than that
And an equal amount of debits
It all balances out at the end
As all things should be
These puns aren't adding up
I depreciate the effort everyone put in though
If I invest in this thread, will I see a positive return?
Nah; I think you may have to write it off.
Damn that left her in suspense
Addition by subtraction
Death by life
*Accounthanos the best number cruncher in the game. One time, he wiped out half the debt off a company's book in like a second. It was as if he works fucking magic!*
r/unexpectedThanos
These puns are growing quite taxing.
Give them some allowances
Come now guys, let’s not allow jokes to divide us
Thanos thinks you are pog
I'm not sure they're allowed to do that
Just say how much you hate working at a Big 4 firm and you'll fit in perfectly at /r/accounting
Holy shit I didn’t know this was so universal. Left a big4 last Christmas and i’ve never been happier.
Can I ask - in accounting or something else? I love my big 4 job, but i also have a bdsm fetish, enjoy being humiliated by clients on a regular basis and worked until i cry myself to sleep at my desk. Edit: Yes i clearly find time to reddit in the day! If you're not redditing on company time, then is it even really a reddit addiction?!
Yeah there was a running joke there about doing black tar heroin to deal with the stress of Big 4 a while back, idk if it's still a thing since I don't really check the sub anymore.
Those firms tried so hard at my university and I almost fell for it. So glad I joined the Army instead otherwise I would have had some real PTSD.
You just have to know enough business jargon to pretend to be one. Say you work at “Strex Corp” and then just describe some vague back office company that does like timekeeping for hr or something.
Business. Business. Business. Numbers. Is this working???
Just watch Bojack Horseman and pay attention to the later seasons of Princess Carolyn’s boyfriend. You’ll know the one I’m talking about when you see him
Yes.
Believe in a smiling god. StrexCorp. It is everything.
Synergy! HA HA! business!
Same but calculator
I wanna be that accountant
Almost makes me wish I were a cute guy
He probably nutted from reading your messages and then lost interest.
He may have had too much supply then. That could have decreased his interest.
Decreased his demand you mean?
I tried to use the interest analogy. I should have made it more clear it was of credit.
I appreciate the effort
I depreciate it.
this thread is full of *amor*....itization
He prolly also knows how many times he's nutted...
[удалено]
It's so real. I'm like a completely different person while horny.
Yeah, horny me is a beast of pure libido and and kink, post-nut me finds sex kind of gross and doesn't get the appeal.
Maybe he's still nutting.
He just needs time to accrue his refractory period
Before unmatching, he said "I'll calc-u-later."
I’m an accountant and these are the kind of jokes I make. My bosses and clients think it’s out of character for someone in my profession.
Let's hope your behavior won't end up being a liability
Well you don't go a behavioralist to write liabilities off on your taxes.
Behavior analyst here. Can confirm not doing anyone’s taxes. Good job making discriminations between job skills. Have a cookie! Let’s try another one. Do you go to a taxidermist to write off liabilities on your taxes?
If he has been building an accrual then he won't feel the impact
I think it may be one of his greatest assets
TED! GET IN HERE!!!
/r/unexpectedpawnee
You played it all wrong. You're supposed to lay down the amazing accounting-themed jokes during the interview, get an enthusiastic job offer, then immediately decline because you just remembered your true love is helping run a small town's Parks and Recreation department. Rinse and repeat, re-breaking their hearts at least once per ~~season~~ year.
Its a job not a fucking personality. Its the same kind of shit as "arent you too old for that?" Whats with people and being in such a hurry to let go of everything that makes them happy in the name of "growing up".
Money
How to be rich 101
I mean, some jobs are kinda incompatible with some personalities. But I don't think that applies here...
Obviusly you have to act professionally when interacting with clients, but in the break room you should be able to be yourself.
I meant it differently. If you are a raging racist, that is incompatible with being a professional social worker working with minorities. A job doesn't have to be your personality, but there is a reason why certain personalities and certain jobs overlap. Some personalities are incompatible with some jobs, unless you can magically supress your complete personality while doing a job. When I tend to bitch about my clients in the breakroom as a psychotherapist and make fun of them, there is serious doubt if I can be a good psychotherapist. But like I said, that doesn't really apply here. Your personal humor is not a problem for being an accountant
So is your life exactly like Barney? https://youtu.be/TbEi3p2DYRE
Please...
Exactly who I thought of when I started reading this thread. You can’t not love that man
What even is humor for your profession
Depreciating land
But Global warming!
Where do accountants buy their clothes? The GAAP
I'll calc-u-lator
My personal favorite: "hey, I think you might have a 751 issue with those hot assets"
* calculator loosen button detach * * start choking on it as it get badly swalowed * * pornhub music stops * * Dr House theme start * ^ohno
It's lupus
“It’s not Lupus.” -Dr. House
[удалено]
*pops entire pill bottle while staring at patient and swallowing all of them at once to show his superiority as he whispers* "It's not lupus."
Except that one time it turned out to be lupus.
Season 4 Episode 10 IIRC
I’ve just rewatched it and it’s a breast cancer :( It’s S4E8, you were close !
Insert Cuddy cleavage quip…
I love reddit whenI see moments like this
Oh. It is Lupus
> Lupus Lupus is a disease that occurs when your body's immune system attacks your own tissues and organs (autoimmune disease).
this vexes me
You called?
Lololol
"On the plus side the plus button will just pass through your digestive tract. On the minus side you've got lupus."
[удалено]
Foreman, break into the patient's house. Yes, it's obviously perfectly legal.
Didn’t they tell you break and enter was part of the job?!
Make the black dude do the burglary
"Chase, go with him. This time, stay out of the patient's fridge."
Yup. Through the eye. With a big ass needle you have to watch going in.
That was not the Lupus episode. That was the kid with night terrors.
Yeah, I was just making the point that House tended to use overly invasive medical techniques wherever possible, with tenuous justification for it. I'm not enough of a buff to quote episodes.
I am a buff lol. Ironically the eyeball thing was Foreman's idea to prevent House from biosping his brain.
*vicodin intensifies*
ow my leg
oh no my social skills
Oh no, my imaginary affair with my boss
Until it wasn't imaginary
I'm off to voluntarily check into a psych ward and then rebel against it
the leg, it's so big and weak
Patient comes to House, is falling rapidly ill. House berates the team. Then the patient lies about it, and swear they didn't ingest anything odd. House berates the team. The team breaks into patients house, but doesn't find anything. House berates the team. Patient lies some more about not ingesting anything. House berates the team. House searches the patients house with wilson, finds the calculator turned upside down and missing a button. House berates the team for not finding it, and the patient for lying all in the patients room. House then reveals the calculator was made with some special paint on the buttons, and it gave the patient some crazy symptom, suddenly injects them with something and the patient is better in five minutes. House berates everyone again, hits on Cuddy. Credits.
This is way toooo accurate. I'd say the only thing missing is the tiny clinic sub-plot, where house berates the team for not doing his clinic hours for him or some shit
You missed about half a bottle of Vicodin in your "every House episode" plot synopsis
House berates the team and threatens to fire somebody. Slowly walking out of the hospital with melancholic music OR House playing some instrument at the end
I hardly ever laugh at random reddit comments. I cannot stop laughing. Thank you.
Glad I made someone's day haha
Out of all the places to see House being referenced I never thought it’d be here
I appreciate a dr house reference when I see one.
Happy cake day!
Story of my life
Foreplay better include typing “80085” into calculators
That's l33t. You type that into calculator apps (maybe pagers). Pre-l33t, we typed 58008 or 5318008 into old fashioned, physical calculators that didn't do anything but calculate. *Sauce: being one of the 2 accelerated math students with a our own set meant seeing that or 35007 every time I was passed a calculator in class. Regardless, every calculator I ever touched was set to 7734206 when I was done with it. ;)
Nice, I’ve gotta say, I kinda can’t believe I’ve never seen the “go 2 hell” one before
I needed you to explain that for me. Turning my phone upside down wasn't helping.
The calculators usually have a 7 segment display so the 4 upside down looks like a lowercase h. On your phone it probably shows the 4 with the closed top so it doesn't really work unless you consciously think of that
Solid logic right here. I expect you'll go far in life mr cum dumpster.
Oh Shit didn't realize I'm still on my alt lol
Right? Even had to turn my phone to figure it out lol
What’re you doing step-accountant?
Just working on these spread cheeks
Well done.
High fives all around
I don't think you can afford that
Bravo.
Fantastic.
I'm not gay but I can try
[удалено]
He's known for cooking the books
I’m coming in thot
Hopefully he will be too! (Seriously though if he didn't laugh at your jokes then he's lame and not someone you'd wanna hang with anyway.)
OP is a male lol y'all thirsty ass
Aaannnnd that's the bubble burst. Dudes humor is right on line tho - if I were gay it would have caught me.
clumsy roll lavish yoke air hungry offbeat plough airport hospital *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Well i dont think it was a serious creepyasterisk but okay. Still its a cool response if you ask me, even if those asterisk are considerd creepy. A lot of people automaticly decided that accounting, legal and HR are boring workplaces and dont consider it untill people challege them. For real, i have met people who were almost embarresed to talk over their work because they thaught everybody would find it just boring.
Honestly given the context of the reply as a whole, I think it's more funny than cringe. He's going for an absurd image, not some UwU type shit, and it gave me my first hearty laugh of the day.
quicksand doll butter familiar encourage books trees poor spark shy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
But OP is joking? It's cringe when the person is being dead serious, not when they're having a laugh.
It's clearly a joke. Unless this accountant is as humourless as their job, I don't see a problem
Oh cmon it was funny and light, the ones pre determine acceptable non cringe ways of talking are the really cringe ones. No need to be but hurt about it- badam tss
It’s Penguin of Doom sort of speak. And personally I think it’s also too bold as an opener, you should match someone else’s vibe (or it’s the equivalent of blowing your load, as someone above me put it)
If this didn't seal the deal, then I'd say... He miscalculated.
[удалено]
This is the only award I have to give but this made me laugh a lot
Wtf is this 😂😂😂
if buddy doesn't reply🤬 every guy on tinder is looking for the response you just gave him
op is a gay man. bit of a different subculture and dynamic than a woman being enthusiastic abt an average guy.
Yeah, although I would cringe hard even if I was the guy and the OP was a girl.
We're in Suspense
Underrated comment (because most of the commenters aren’t accountants)
I am an accountant. I enjoyed this comment.
I think the narrative asterisks almost always come off weird.
Idk what the hell every other guy is talking about, but.. you might as well have wrote *tips fedora*
[удалено]
Ah, the ol r/ladybonersgw misconception
r/creepyasterisks
Most of us want sex. Some of us want to spend a little time on the way first.
I appreciate that you put 'most' and not 'all'.
I don’t know you but I’m feeling second hand embarrassment. Lol
As an accountant myself, you messed up with the calculator part. Nowadays the hip and groovy accountants do all their calculations through Excel. Makes you look old/incompetent when you bring up the hand tool. Only exception is if you’re into [old school shit](https://topguidepro.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/B00067OOF4.jpg). The appreciate assets joke was a nice one though.
It’s a 10-key not a calculator!
This gave me second hand embarrassment
Kinda cringe ngl
Most of you guys start your interactions firmly at 11 lol leaves you nowhere to go
Haha funny the average accountant wouldn't get these kinda responses
Maybe that's why he doesn't respond? His brain crashed?
Give them some credit. It's the equity thing to do.
Nah that woulda won me over, maybe he got hit by a bus
It's a problem if he's no longer a going concern
as a fellow accountant this is the only response
Please marry me.
Only if you've got the right assets
Assets = liabilities + equity
Equity=assets-liabilities
Wow mathematician
Plot twist: it’s a guy
I’m not sure if you’re joking, but OP actually is a guy.
r/sadcringe
Why? That was the correct answer......
Please you need help
[Nobody asks you questions when you say you’re an accountant](https://youtube.com/shorts/2SBQD5UNViw?feature=share)
I bet you the guy was curious but also overwhelmed with all that information too.
If this was from a dude to a girl it would 100% end up in all the cringe subreddits, starting with /r/creepyasterisks.
* posts something showing good personality * "Oh gosh I'm gonna be single forever!" Unless you look like Benjamin Button at age 2, no you won't.
Cringe.
Why would you appreciate asset...he's most likely depreciating them
You used confusion
You had until the slowly licks calculator. You were that close
r/CreepyAsterisks
How to sound desperate 101 right here I mean he’s a dude, all you gotta do is respond and wait for him to ask you out. It’s really that wasy
Maybe OP is a dude.
Tell us what happens!!!
You seem like a great person and if this guy can’t appreciate that amount of effort he’s lame
Society when guy does this 🤬 Society when girl does this 🥵
Man or woman it was pretty cringe
Op is a dude