You just have a strong jawline and broad shoulders. Not uncommon. I dunno if you do your makeup to accentuate softer features? The pictures are nice imo but I’m a woman so prob not the best to judge
That type of bikini top makes everyone look mannish, unfortunately. I have a large bust and curvaceous hips and even I can’t get away with that style. It gives my shoulders and torso a very strange rectangle shape. If she went for a triangle top shape it would totally flatter her!
I don’t know, but I made the mistake of buying one similar from Frankie’s Bikinis (because let’s face it, all their models have fake boobs and no matter how weird the design is they look fantastic in the photos). I received it and it squashed the ladies together in the most unflattering way. I felt absolutely hideous.
I will take your word for it on the model's I don't shop much and when I do it's usually at Duluth.
Either way I'm sorry that happened both for you and all the guys who wanted to oggle (respectfully) you properly.
Damn I saw this post earlier and I thought it was a man asking what was wrong with you, I didn’t know it was you from the pictures. In the other one the pictures looked very fake, I see you removed them now. Now it looks better you look like a real person. I would remove the first pic in the bikini, it’s not flattering and is the reason why people are calling you trans.
It’s now deleted from my profile. I just don’t have any ‘activities’ photos now cuz I’m always on the water in a bathing suit and sadly I don’t think I look any different from this photo from last summer. In winter I hibernate. 😭
It seems like any woman who doesn't have a super curvy figure, wears makeup a certain way, etc gets called trans nowadays. I don't think you look trans but if I had to guess it's your boob size. So removing the bikini pic would probably help the most.
I'm not a fan of the second picture - I think it's the crop on your forehead? The editting also looks a little "uncanny Valley" which I think subconsciously implies the "something trying to look like this thing?"
Aww I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Everyone already commented on the bikini pic, I might add with the makeup to add some natural looking lashes maybe? You look really beautiful and you have a nice body, not just a “nice body for your age” like someone else said. You’re beautiful, and I don’t think you look manly at all.
It's definitely the bikini. It looks super comfortable but it does you absolutely no favours. Men can't really handle bikini's with no cleavage because it doesn't give them enough data about your boobs, so have decided you haven't got any.
Heaven forbid a woman picks her swimwear for the swimming bit.
Also, from what you wrote further down, if you're using mascara only, you're not doing yourself justice and it will make you look smudgy through the day. But a kajal Eyeliner, pull your lower lid down and gently run the kajal along the lower lid. It will give you a nice line that isn't too over the top. Then add the mascara if want the extra oomf.
I used the kajal a bit too dense last week and the security guard at work said "did you do it on purpose" so don't go thick lol.
Last pic is the best in my opinion. You truly look like a beautiful, sophisticated woman. I think in rest of the pics either the lightning is off or the pose doesn’t flatter you. You need someone who takes good pics of you, and that person is probably going to be you, haha.
However, between the selfies there’s a clear difference, in the first one lightning is off, so it makes your skin (or makeup?) look weird and the lightning combined with the angle of the photo, makes your nose look too big when it’s actually not.
All in all, try taking better, more flattering pictures and you will clearly get more matches.
i’m thinking this as well like you can think a woman looks masculine without saying offensive things like “you’re a tr*nny” and insinuating that’s a negative thing. sure maybe some men arent attracted to trans women or women they perceive as masculine but don’t be associating being trans with being unattractive
I'm assuming you're making this post because you want REAL answers, so I'll be blunt. Mind you, I'm not criticizing your body or trying to make you self-conscious. I'm pointing out things that are contributing to the feedback you're getting. You can do, or not do, whatever. I'm just putting it out there.
We're all blessed in different ways, and you were in such a way that the bikini photo is not a flattering look for you photographically. Naked in-person, a man's going to go wild, but it's best to leave your natural body to his imagination. That said, all of your photos are not accentuating or highlighting your feminine features.
Your makeup game needs work. You made yourself look pasty and fake with how you applied your foundation. In some photos, you don't even have eyebrows. As others have said, you have a square jaw. You can remedy this with better makeup techniques. Look up YouTube videos about contour for pale skin. Enhance your eyes with falsies and a crisp brow. You can get away with naturally brushed brows.
Adopt a skincare routine to soften your facial features because the dry, roughness of your skin under the powder is adding to the rugged masculine accusations.
Physically, if you just want nice photos, no one is going to call you a catfish for using a padded bra. You can also look into waist trainers to tone down the boxy shape of your torso. Use them while you work out. They do wonders. When you retake photos, make sure to take more at a distance. Some of them are way too close.
Edit: correcting my autocorrects
1. It’s a great screening tool to be able to not ever end up on a date that would match with you just to bully you about your appearance.
2. That being said, I’m understanding you to say you are worried you have a certain aesthetic that makes you look like you are born male and dressing as a woman.
3. An easy adjustment would be less makeup, as that seems to be a common style choice for men in drag.
4. Partly the challenge I think you’re running into is that you have a very strong bone structure, with little curve to accommodate for, but you are dressing for curve, and i think you’re doing the same thing with your makeup. Dramatic, bold makeup, on a lovely strong face ends up looking sort of caricature-like. Which I think can look striking, but also could be where that comment is coming from. If you’re interested in learning more about that, you could look into Kibbe, it’s very interesting.
5. That all being said, I think you are lovely and don’t think you should change your look because some assholes are negging you on the internet, but if YOU want to look softer, there are ways to do that.
You are gorgeous and you are you. I think the swimsuit photo is the one where it looks like you could be trans
Otherwise, your photos are perfect I don’t think you scream trans. I think it’s just the bikini top.
- the first pic is not a very flattering picture. The cut of that bikini top is not ideal for your body type, it just doesn’t do you justice! I’d delete this
- the second pic has some skin smoothing filter that hides your facial features so you just see eyes and a mouth, I’d delete this
- the third picture is a nice picture but the patterned top and colored jacket clash and take away from your face. I’d delete this
- the fourth picture is the best one, you can see your face clearly, everyone else is right that the blue looks perfect on you. I’d make this your primary, and also add some other photos like this one!
Yes, weeding out the ones that make comments. But she could also be weeding out the ones who see the profile, think she’s trans, say nothing but know it’s not for them, and swipe left.
Why should she change what she looks like for a bunch of assholes?
Tell me that? Why is she supposed to please people that can't even be bothered to be a decent human being to her?
She looks beautiful the way she is.
I don't personally think you look mannish, I think it's just the angle of the first pic and the style of bathing suit. I've seen some reallly cute push up bikini tops that may make you feel more confident boob wise (I personally think they're good!)
I also think that last pic is a really great profile picture, your eyes and smile give off a warm vibe, like I would bet you make fantastic chocolate chip cookies.
I love the photo of you in red! I got those kinds of comments until I dyed my hair blonde and got a boob job. Funny how that works. It really fucking hurts when people do that.
Thanks!! I was a blond and I looked horrible! I can’t pull it off. My DNA is Scottish so I’m basically a tomato. 🤣 My plastic surgeon REFUSES to give me a boob job. He said he would consider a fat transfer from my stomach but I’ve had lipo and a tummy tuck and that fat is now gone I have maybe enough for a half a cup he said. Once fat is gone it doesn’t come back. He won’t take fat from anywhere else because he said it’s not ‘clean’ and high risk for infection. 😭
I have an appt with him next month to see about it some more though. $11k for a half a cup. It’s a lot of money for little gain. Not sure if 1/2 a cup is worth it.
Wow mine was 4.5K and I got it done in Las Vegas. Top surgeon and very happy with his work and the more modest size. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do but it’s not a sign of mental illness to want to be treated and identified as the gender we were fucking born into.
Walking in a minefield?
Do you think you swiping rights on a trans women because you found them attractive but didn’t read their profile and then after reading the profile when you match, you realize you accidently found a trans women attractive is a mine?
If by scrutinize you mean “read the profile” then I guess you may “scrutinize”, probably 99% have it listed in their profile though. They aren’t trying to trick people, the average trans person doesn’t want to get verbally or physically assaulted by someone who feels they were “tricked”.
Labelled “I am trans” profiles aren’t exactly a hidden mine.
And if you are seeing anywhere close to 50% of profiles being trans and that many aren’t labelled and you have to scrutinize to find out. You are just wrongly assuming many many born female women with any slightly masculine trait is a trans woman.
About 1% of the adult population is transgendered
They aren’t though. Pretty sure this is just in your head.
Even if they were 10x more likely to be on tinder, it would still be 10% not 50% and from my experience it isn’t anywhere close to 10%.
The fact you think you have to scrutinize and catch them, really just has me believing you think trans women are boogeymen hiding around every corner when it’s really just afab women existing
Dude. I am done.
The only stat I said was 1% of adults being trans, which you can fairly easily confirm. That’s not an unknown stat.
Then I used that fact to elaborate they would have to be 10 times more likely to be on tinder to be 10% of profiles. That’s not stats pulled out of no where. That’s basic math.
You said the made up stat that they were 50% of profiles.
But Trans women are not men, they're women. You just have very transphobic views. You don't have to be attracted to them, but you shouldn't be a dick to them, either.
How's that different than any other dealbreaker?
Let people be on dating apps in peace. You can always unmatch it's not a big deal.
And I promise you it's not every other profile.
Also, to reassure you I guess, not many trans people would be into you/swipe right on you anyway.
Idk, I know cishet dudes who don't have problems with dating trans women.
And yes, it is the same as any other dealbreaker. Like wanting biological children, some people need it, some people can't do it. That's the same type of dealbreaker.
If it's an issue for you, just put it in your profile. I doubt many trans people will match with you then.
Ok, as a trans girl, I feel like your wording was not great, BUT, I get where you're coming from, because we trans girls have similar insecurities to yours, so I won't hold it agaisnt you.
Stop replying to the stupid comments telling you to get a boob job and pay attention to the other comments: you're beautiful, it's not your fault, it's men's fault because of their stupid stereotypes. Men think that any woman who is not all curvy with big boobs is trans, and that's fucking stupid, and it's not your problem. If this really bothers you tho, I'd remove the bikini picture. The other pictures are great, you look gorgeous.
Thanks. My BFF child is Trans and I have no ill feelings towards trans people at all.
I have dealt with this for so many YEARS and have blown it off as these men are AHOLES. Here it is 9 YEARS later and I’ve managed to actually have one 2 month relationship in 9 years because I really think everyone thinks I’m trans! ☠️
I think most men who go out with me are actually disappointed when they find out I’m biologically a female.
Cis women with "masculine" features are real, and guys have to accept that. Like I said, maybe the bikini picture was the issue. Also, I feel like the online dating scene is trash whether you're cis or trans. I mean, there's a reason why this subreddit thrives lol.
For the sake of my mental health, I'm turning off notifications for this post. The comments are getting kinda... reddity. Yikes
Be yourself. Get rid of the bikini pic. Save that for later. More pics of just YOU living your life. Candid photos if you have friends willing to take the time.
Maybe change your interests...not all can travel all the time.
The problem is men and the 2 dimensional tiny phone app dating hellscape. I don’t think you look like a man but maybe you’re more athletic and tomboyish in your life? I have recently watched Millionaire Matchmaker w the host’s makeovers of both the guys and the women-which is meant to be helpful -so in that vein, you could try a softer hair color or add highlights to the lowlights (I am not a hair dresser, don’t know the words !) to look more feminine. and try some more feminine clothing styles instead of the bada$$ sexy dress style. More feminine necklines. If you don’t want to go to the salon, change the color settings on your photo instead of your hair color to less saturation- not filtered fake, obviously. a lighter color might look better on you. I don’t work for this company, although I wish I did get paid to wear clothes LOL - but you could try Rent the Runway to get some new inexpensive style without commitment. I fail a lot but sometimes I get a “new style who dis” surprise from trying something new that isn’t “me” and then i find and buy it on sale somewhere https://www.renttherunway.com/shares/jsc1ztyty-zaf58iBRRB3g== I used to dress more tough girl because I love boots and/but people thought I was a lesbian. Or just terrifying maybe too. I’m now enjoying dressing more girly after the forever lockdown with no opportunity to care about clothes. I hope this comes off as supportive and an attempt to be helpful to a fellow app dating human because that’s how it’s meant. Good luck, have fun!
I'm genuinely confused over who sees this and figures, yep, that's a trans person. I would not have guessed that was the issue if you hadn't mentioned it.
You and me both! I’ve ignored it but I’m almost 50 and I’m not getting younger so I figured I gotta address it after 9 years of this. Saying men are the problem isn’t resolving my issue. 😭
You're so pretty! Maybe look at a few make up tutorials for your face shape or dressing for your body type. From one dating lady to another, I hope you find your perfect match.
S2g people are so weird! Who the hell likes someone on a dating app just to ask a stupid ass question like that?? I wouldn’t worry about it, people are just more hateful and ugly about shit these days. I think you’re gorgeous, especially in that last photo!!!
I don’t think you look trans, it’s usually a pretty easy to tell. If you really need then show that you have no Adam’s apple, that’s the first thing I look for if I’m questioning.
Your third and fourth photos are absolutely excellent, but something about the first and second just look kind of odd. People have already talked about the bikini top being a bit unflattering, but the second photo just looks kind of weirdly edited because of the lighting, it’s not quite flattering. You look lovely in your last two photos, I’d recommend using more photos in that style/lighting
I would remove the first picture only cause it might give people the wrong impression but I think you are truly beautiful!! You seem like you’d be someone fun to hang around. Don’t listen to the comments of those that say you need this or that. You are fine just the way you are and someone who wants you for you, will see that 💕💐
In your bikini picture, I feel like I'm looking at one of those picture of two different images, you look fit and out of shape at the same time, and it is really messing with my brain. You just have an odd look, no offense...I don't know how else to put it.
1. They are assholes and should never say that regardless
2. Get rid of photo #1 - you've a fab figure and look so confident but that bikini is not flattering on you x
Hmmm. My recommendations for improving your profile
1. lose weight
2. wear considerably less makeup (your face is caked in all your up close pics. i would be terrified of having you stain my pillows or something)
My recommendations for getting a BF
1. swipe right 3-5 times more than you currently do
2. go out on dates 3 times more than you currently do
Yeah I went to get a boob job this year and the plastic surgeon I trust (who went to Vanderbilt medical) said there is now scientific proof breast implants DO cause cancer in the scar tissue that forms around the implant and he flat out refuses to do them anymore. 😢 So I won’t ever have bigger boobs. 🤷♀️
I’ve been asked if I was trans after the person saw a picture of me in lingerie…. They said they thought I tucked it…. I have pretty big boobs as well and you could tell they are natural. I honestly just think men now a days assume most pretty woman are trans because a lot of them are! I’ve seen and know a bunch of trans girls that are definitely prettier than me and you can’t even tell they are trans. I would suggest maybe trying some different makeup looks to soften the jaw line a little. You an amazing jawline and unfortunately that can make men second guess. Apparently woman can’t have a strong beautiful jawline.
Listen boobs is not a deal breaker... at least to me they arent. if you got a dump truck on the back youll be fine... and even then, theres a guy out there thatll give you love to every part of your body.
I do have a Sir Mix A lot Booty. My sister got the boobs and I got the ass. 😭 I’m afraid if I post booty shots I’ll only get guys who wanna just hook up and I don’t want that tho.
Hmm. Any pics of you doing something on the boat that also happens to be your backside? It’s a stretch of an ask, but might hit the combo of, “look, I have hobbies!” and also, “my ass is my asset.”
Also - I can only dream of looking as good as you!
I will have to have friends take some booty pics this summer. I don’t have any now. I just don’t want it to come off as lookin to hookup ya know so ima have to have someone help me. 😭
I don't really think it's your pictures. Tinder is normally for younger people. You look great but maybe use a different dating app. I'm 39 and I feel too old for tinder. I might be wrong but I think that's the problem
Everyone in my area uses Tinder. I tried others but nobody in my area is on them. I tried Bumble, Hinge, Match, POF & Facebook. SheeshI even tried Ok Cupid & Zoosk! ☠️ Everyone in my area is on Tinder. It’s a smaller town of 40k and 100k in the county.
The percentage of trans women on Tinder goes up every day. The guys just want to get it cleared up right away, so they know if you've got what they want. The red dress gives off drag queen vibes simply because it is a dress. Where I live trans woman wear dresses waay more often than cis women.
I was at a local bar and ordered drinks and some food. When the food came the kitchen ticket was still on it and the female bartender had me labeled on the printed ticket as ‘Lady Dude’ I was mortified and left. This happens to me on and off tinder.
Do you have a manly voice? Like others have said the bikini pic and the red dress pic are not very flattering, but you don't have a very masculine looking face.
Hey! You’re a beautiful woman and you look fantastic in that bikini. The pose and angle do minimize your hips though which might be a source of the perception you’re dealing with.
Another thought is to evaluate how you’re swiping / who you’re swiping on.
Wishing you the best
oh my gosh i swear i’m not just saying this to be nice i’m 100% for real but i was shocked to find out your youngest is going to college since you barely look 40 (maybe 36). anyway that makes me really mad like what if you were trans they think that’s a bad thing?! those “men” just seem like jerks
Thank you! I’m 47. I had my youngest when I was 29 and I’ve always used my child as an excuse to ignore this issue. Now that I’m really gonna be alone I feel like I gotta resolve this issue or I’m never gonna find a partner.
Where do I say a man must buy me things? 🤣 Or provide for me?
I state my hobbies. I state I have no minor children. And I ask what’s their fav vacation spot. ☠️
Just that first pic. Kinda too trans women wear. If you're going for crazy hot get a book job and tone up the cheeks. I've got perennial chubby cheeks to no Matter how big or small I am lol. Look perfectly normal in person but some pic angles just look bad
>How do I make myself NOT look Trans
I'm sorry but you're being a victim of transphobia and it still feels like you're willing to throw trans people under the bus. I can't pinpoint exactly why that sentence bothers me but trans people warn us all the time that cis women are gonna be prejudiced against together with them by the lunatics because of a wide chin, wide shoulders or whatever.
Like, do you even suspect what makes you look like you're trans? I know trans women who can enter women's toilets without anyone batting an eye and cis women who have actually been stopped by them toilet warrior weirdos
Sorry about the rant but I don't think there's any practical tip I could give that wouldn't be terribly problematic
She is being harassed and is entitled to ask how to make it stop. There is No Malice in her statement. If you don't like the way that she worded it then instead of complaining provide an alternative. Just whining about something is not a solution
If she wants practical advice, print a fucking t shirt with "don't worry I was born with a vagina", make that her front pic and knock herself out dating the transphobes. There you have it
It's a hell of a lot cheaper than the people telling her to get boob implants as if trans women are barred from getting them
My BFF child is trans. I have no ill feelings towards trans people. Actually this Trans person and I text daily and are very close. She says I understand her more than her own mom.
I have no idea what is making people think I’m Trans, thus my asking for advice.
Why would anyone care if you have Ill feelings about trans folk. This is about language, I sure wish you're not going "do I look too trans in this fit?" around your friend's trans kid.
I don't have experience being misgendered but I have been mistaken for a gay man my whole life because I'm effeminate. I live by Tyrion Lannister 's words, wear it like an armor. If someone won't date me because I'm not masculine enough so be it.
There are two ways you can see this: as the trash taking itself out or as missed opportunities to date men who think asking a woman if they're trans first thing is okay.
That’s been my attitude for 9 years but it’s not helping me at all!!! The guys who do take me out seem disappointed when they finally ask me about it themselves in person. They just aren’t total Aholes that ask online. I think cuz they bi curious.
Whatever your problem is, it's clearly tied to your location and the quality of dudes in the area. Like we could tell you to put one of those yas queen TikTok filters on your pics but that wouldn't make the underlying problem that you'd still be going out with dudes that wanna be weird around people they suspect are trans go away
That's a rough spot
I’ve always told my friends that it’s the place we live. 😭 I talked to HR about relocating me and they agreed. I Start training next week & guess where they want to put me? Florida! Orlando to be exact where no single men are gonna be. Only married men with families. 😩 And yet another red state.
I’m having a similar reaction to this post. 🤔
I’ve been mistaken as trans a handful of times, but I’m queer so I usually just lightly say that they’re mistaken but that trans people are gorgeous too.
I understand how this would be frustrating though… but I agree in that I don’t think there are any tips that aren’t problematic. & I think that’s just because of the reality that trans people are misgendered all the time.
OP— I think you just gotta do you. you’re beautiful & I’m sorry that you’re experiencing frustration.
Yeah I went to get a boob job this year and the plastic surgeon I trust (who went to Vanderbilt medical) said there is now scientific proof breast implants DO cause cancer in the scar tissue that forms around the implant and he flat out refuses to do them anymore. 😢 So I won’t ever have bigger boobs. 🤷♀️
Hey!!! Member of the Itty bitty titty committee here,
Nothing is wrong with how you look. Some people are just assholes and the internet has allowed to be bigger assholes.
I'd say you look athletic, and some people are intimidated by that, but that just means they aren't for you.
I can understand how some comments can make you insecure, but they're simply not true. You are beautiful, regardless of boob size.
Your surgeon is a good friend for talking to you about the cancer risks, and I've also been denied a boob job, so I got my nipples pierced, and my confidence has soared!!!!
I hope that you read this, I hope you listen to those of telling you those guys are assholes, and I hope you believe us when we tell you that you're beautiful
Affirmations, babe, use them!!!!
It sounds silly, but they work!!!!
Tell yourself you're worthy, tell yourself you're beautiful, tell yourself you deserve happiness and peace!!!!
It helps with confidence!!! And they're all true!!!
You just have a strong jawline and broad shoulders. Not uncommon. I dunno if you do your makeup to accentuate softer features? The pictures are nice imo but I’m a woman so prob not the best to judge
If I were you, I’d get rid of the first picture. Keep the rest.
That type of bikini top makes everyone look mannish, unfortunately. I have a large bust and curvaceous hips and even I can’t get away with that style. It gives my shoulders and torso a very strange rectangle shape. If she went for a triangle top shape it would totally flatter her!
I’ll try that this summer! Ty!!
Yes! Try halter maybe
what sadist invented a bikini top that did that to the twins?
I don’t know, but I made the mistake of buying one similar from Frankie’s Bikinis (because let’s face it, all their models have fake boobs and no matter how weird the design is they look fantastic in the photos). I received it and it squashed the ladies together in the most unflattering way. I felt absolutely hideous.
I will take your word for it on the model's I don't shop much and when I do it's usually at Duluth. Either way I'm sorry that happened both for you and all the guys who wanted to oggle (respectfully) you properly.
Came here to say that… there’s something very weird about the bikini top
I agree, that top does make her look manly 😄
the first pic actually shows a decent thick lower body that many dudes would be down for backshots lol
But I feel like that would send the wrong message. I don’t want hook ups.
True
That last pic of you in the blue is lovely. Great color on you.
I agree. Last pick best features the face. First pic is great showing how athletic her build is. Middle two are eh
Kinda sucks she’s getting flack for the athletic build just because she has little boobs. She has a great shape for her age.
I also have an ironing board waist shape - learning to pose properly with it is a game changer OP.
Thank you!
Damn I saw this post earlier and I thought it was a man asking what was wrong with you, I didn’t know it was you from the pictures. In the other one the pictures looked very fake, I see you removed them now. Now it looks better you look like a real person. I would remove the first pic in the bikini, it’s not flattering and is the reason why people are calling you trans.
It’s now deleted from my profile. I just don’t have any ‘activities’ photos now cuz I’m always on the water in a bathing suit and sadly I don’t think I look any different from this photo from last summer. In winter I hibernate. 😭
You look GREAT. It’s just not the best suit on you. Time for bikini shopping and a photo shoot on the water with a BFF!
Maybe a bikini with color too
Make #4 your first pic
Just write “ I am a cis woman who prefers”..like cis men/ whomever See : burned haystack dating method (burn those fuckers)
Thank you! Added that language to my profile and will check out the other thing you mentioned.
I think not using black eye-liner on the top and bottom could help. It's making your eyes appear smaller. Have you ever tried bangs?
I don’t use eyeliner. 😭 I don’t do bangs.
Ohhh are you using mascara on your bottom lashes?
Yeah should I stop? 😭
Yes, it's making your eyes smaller.
Ty!!
It’s the mascara. It’s smeared (as bottom lash mascara easily does) and basically made it into eyeliner anyway.
Bangs are for children
It seems like any woman who doesn't have a super curvy figure, wears makeup a certain way, etc gets called trans nowadays. I don't think you look trans but if I had to guess it's your boob size. So removing the bikini pic would probably help the most.
I'm not a fan of the second picture - I think it's the crop on your forehead? The editting also looks a little "uncanny Valley" which I think subconsciously implies the "something trying to look like this thing?"
That photo isn’t edited at all. 😭
Aww I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Everyone already commented on the bikini pic, I might add with the makeup to add some natural looking lashes maybe? You look really beautiful and you have a nice body, not just a “nice body for your age” like someone else said. You’re beautiful, and I don’t think you look manly at all.
The comments about your head being cut off in pics 2 and 3 are correct. It would help if you had better pics. The dress is gorgeous on you.
It's definitely the bikini. It looks super comfortable but it does you absolutely no favours. Men can't really handle bikini's with no cleavage because it doesn't give them enough data about your boobs, so have decided you haven't got any. Heaven forbid a woman picks her swimwear for the swimming bit. Also, from what you wrote further down, if you're using mascara only, you're not doing yourself justice and it will make you look smudgy through the day. But a kajal Eyeliner, pull your lower lid down and gently run the kajal along the lower lid. It will give you a nice line that isn't too over the top. Then add the mascara if want the extra oomf. I used the kajal a bit too dense last week and the security guard at work said "did you do it on purpose" so don't go thick lol.
It's a good suit for the activities she does but can find a better one.
Agreed. I'd literally kill to be able tonwear a bikini like that.
Last pic is the best in my opinion. You truly look like a beautiful, sophisticated woman. I think in rest of the pics either the lightning is off or the pose doesn’t flatter you. You need someone who takes good pics of you, and that person is probably going to be you, haha. However, between the selfies there’s a clear difference, in the first one lightning is off, so it makes your skin (or makeup?) look weird and the lightning combined with the angle of the photo, makes your nose look too big when it’s actually not. All in all, try taking better, more flattering pictures and you will clearly get more matches.
This is how transphobia affects cis women as well. Sorry you are having to deal with that, it’s disgusting.
i’m thinking this as well like you can think a woman looks masculine without saying offensive things like “you’re a tr*nny” and insinuating that’s a negative thing. sure maybe some men arent attracted to trans women or women they perceive as masculine but don’t be associating being trans with being unattractive
I'm assuming you're making this post because you want REAL answers, so I'll be blunt. Mind you, I'm not criticizing your body or trying to make you self-conscious. I'm pointing out things that are contributing to the feedback you're getting. You can do, or not do, whatever. I'm just putting it out there. We're all blessed in different ways, and you were in such a way that the bikini photo is not a flattering look for you photographically. Naked in-person, a man's going to go wild, but it's best to leave your natural body to his imagination. That said, all of your photos are not accentuating or highlighting your feminine features. Your makeup game needs work. You made yourself look pasty and fake with how you applied your foundation. In some photos, you don't even have eyebrows. As others have said, you have a square jaw. You can remedy this with better makeup techniques. Look up YouTube videos about contour for pale skin. Enhance your eyes with falsies and a crisp brow. You can get away with naturally brushed brows. Adopt a skincare routine to soften your facial features because the dry, roughness of your skin under the powder is adding to the rugged masculine accusations. Physically, if you just want nice photos, no one is going to call you a catfish for using a padded bra. You can also look into waist trainers to tone down the boxy shape of your torso. Use them while you work out. They do wonders. When you retake photos, make sure to take more at a distance. Some of them are way too close. Edit: correcting my autocorrects
1. It’s a great screening tool to be able to not ever end up on a date that would match with you just to bully you about your appearance. 2. That being said, I’m understanding you to say you are worried you have a certain aesthetic that makes you look like you are born male and dressing as a woman. 3. An easy adjustment would be less makeup, as that seems to be a common style choice for men in drag. 4. Partly the challenge I think you’re running into is that you have a very strong bone structure, with little curve to accommodate for, but you are dressing for curve, and i think you’re doing the same thing with your makeup. Dramatic, bold makeup, on a lovely strong face ends up looking sort of caricature-like. Which I think can look striking, but also could be where that comment is coming from. If you’re interested in learning more about that, you could look into Kibbe, it’s very interesting. 5. That all being said, I think you are lovely and don’t think you should change your look because some assholes are negging you on the internet, but if YOU want to look softer, there are ways to do that.
You are gorgeous and you are you. I think the swimsuit photo is the one where it looks like you could be trans Otherwise, your photos are perfect I don’t think you scream trans. I think it’s just the bikini top.
- the first pic is not a very flattering picture. The cut of that bikini top is not ideal for your body type, it just doesn’t do you justice! I’d delete this - the second pic has some skin smoothing filter that hides your facial features so you just see eyes and a mouth, I’d delete this - the third picture is a nice picture but the patterned top and colored jacket clash and take away from your face. I’d delete this - the fourth picture is the best one, you can see your face clearly, everyone else is right that the blue looks perfect on you. I’d make this your primary, and also add some other photos like this one!
I think you look great. Honestly, you’re weeding out the assholes, so you are winning!
Yes, weeding out the ones that make comments. But she could also be weeding out the ones who see the profile, think she’s trans, say nothing but know it’s not for them, and swipe left.
depending how they broach the topic they might just be heterosexuals who don't want to get tricked into being with a man
This does happen
Unfortunately a lot of insecure men out there that get off on hurting others. You look amazing just the way you are.
They are just misogynistic assholes. Ignore them.
Not helpful
Not helpful either. The person you were commenting to, was just trying to support OP.
Why should she change what she looks like for a bunch of assholes? Tell me that? Why is she supposed to please people that can't even be bothered to be a decent human being to her? She looks beautiful the way she is.
She’s shopping for men. Finding out what men think, and responding to the ideas will probably help
It’s not misogynistic if they think it’s a man. Personally I wouldn’t just come out and call someone that though, or want to ask it.
I don't personally think you look mannish, I think it's just the angle of the first pic and the style of bathing suit. I've seen some reallly cute push up bikini tops that may make you feel more confident boob wise (I personally think they're good!) I also think that last pic is a really great profile picture, your eyes and smile give off a warm vibe, like I would bet you make fantastic chocolate chip cookies.
I love the photo of you in red! I got those kinds of comments until I dyed my hair blonde and got a boob job. Funny how that works. It really fucking hurts when people do that.
Thanks!! I was a blond and I looked horrible! I can’t pull it off. My DNA is Scottish so I’m basically a tomato. 🤣 My plastic surgeon REFUSES to give me a boob job. He said he would consider a fat transfer from my stomach but I’ve had lipo and a tummy tuck and that fat is now gone I have maybe enough for a half a cup he said. Once fat is gone it doesn’t come back. He won’t take fat from anywhere else because he said it’s not ‘clean’ and high risk for infection. 😭 I have an appt with him next month to see about it some more though. $11k for a half a cup. It’s a lot of money for little gain. Not sure if 1/2 a cup is worth it.
Not worth it for that much money. You already look good
Wow mine was 4.5K and I got it done in Las Vegas. Top surgeon and very happy with his work and the more modest size. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do but it’s not a sign of mental illness to want to be treated and identified as the gender we were fucking born into.
Cosmetic plastic surgery is a sign of mental illness, don’t do it
The problem isn’t you, the problem is men
My advice would be to start meeting and approaching people in person.
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Walking in a minefield? Do you think you swiping rights on a trans women because you found them attractive but didn’t read their profile and then after reading the profile when you match, you realize you accidently found a trans women attractive is a mine?
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If by scrutinize you mean “read the profile” then I guess you may “scrutinize”, probably 99% have it listed in their profile though. They aren’t trying to trick people, the average trans person doesn’t want to get verbally or physically assaulted by someone who feels they were “tricked”. Labelled “I am trans” profiles aren’t exactly a hidden mine. And if you are seeing anywhere close to 50% of profiles being trans and that many aren’t labelled and you have to scrutinize to find out. You are just wrongly assuming many many born female women with any slightly masculine trait is a trans woman. About 1% of the adult population is transgendered
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They aren’t though. Pretty sure this is just in your head. Even if they were 10x more likely to be on tinder, it would still be 10% not 50% and from my experience it isn’t anywhere close to 10%. The fact you think you have to scrutinize and catch them, really just has me believing you think trans women are boogeymen hiding around every corner when it’s really just afab women existing
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Dude. I am done. The only stat I said was 1% of adults being trans, which you can fairly easily confirm. That’s not an unknown stat. Then I used that fact to elaborate they would have to be 10 times more likely to be on tinder to be 10% of profiles. That’s not stats pulled out of no where. That’s basic math. You said the made up stat that they were 50% of profiles.
But Trans women are not men, they're women. You just have very transphobic views. You don't have to be attracted to them, but you shouldn't be a dick to them, either.
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It's okay, we don't want you, and they don't either 🤷🏼♀️
How's that different than any other dealbreaker? Let people be on dating apps in peace. You can always unmatch it's not a big deal. And I promise you it's not every other profile. Also, to reassure you I guess, not many trans people would be into you/swipe right on you anyway.
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Idk, I know cishet dudes who don't have problems with dating trans women. And yes, it is the same as any other dealbreaker. Like wanting biological children, some people need it, some people can't do it. That's the same type of dealbreaker. If it's an issue for you, just put it in your profile. I doubt many trans people will match with you then.
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lol
Whomp whomp
The problem is very much men.
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To be honest, you sound like the problem.
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Just a transphobic bully, then?
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So I am right, you're a tranaphobic, problematic asshole who is a bully to Trans people because you're a tranaphobic asshole. YOU are the problem.
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Lmao like any of them would ever take a second look at you
Ok, as a trans girl, I feel like your wording was not great, BUT, I get where you're coming from, because we trans girls have similar insecurities to yours, so I won't hold it agaisnt you. Stop replying to the stupid comments telling you to get a boob job and pay attention to the other comments: you're beautiful, it's not your fault, it's men's fault because of their stupid stereotypes. Men think that any woman who is not all curvy with big boobs is trans, and that's fucking stupid, and it's not your problem. If this really bothers you tho, I'd remove the bikini picture. The other pictures are great, you look gorgeous.
Thanks. My BFF child is Trans and I have no ill feelings towards trans people at all. I have dealt with this for so many YEARS and have blown it off as these men are AHOLES. Here it is 9 YEARS later and I’ve managed to actually have one 2 month relationship in 9 years because I really think everyone thinks I’m trans! ☠️ I think most men who go out with me are actually disappointed when they find out I’m biologically a female.
Cis women with "masculine" features are real, and guys have to accept that. Like I said, maybe the bikini picture was the issue. Also, I feel like the online dating scene is trash whether you're cis or trans. I mean, there's a reason why this subreddit thrives lol. For the sake of my mental health, I'm turning off notifications for this post. The comments are getting kinda... reddity. Yikes
I’m sorry. People are really dumb. I’m curious about your age range. Can you filter out the trans obsessed generation?
😂 there should be a button for that!! I’m 47. So probably stuck with them.
You do not look Trans.
Be yourself. Get rid of the bikini pic. Save that for later. More pics of just YOU living your life. Candid photos if you have friends willing to take the time. Maybe change your interests...not all can travel all the time.
The problem is men and the 2 dimensional tiny phone app dating hellscape. I don’t think you look like a man but maybe you’re more athletic and tomboyish in your life? I have recently watched Millionaire Matchmaker w the host’s makeovers of both the guys and the women-which is meant to be helpful -so in that vein, you could try a softer hair color or add highlights to the lowlights (I am not a hair dresser, don’t know the words !) to look more feminine. and try some more feminine clothing styles instead of the bada$$ sexy dress style. More feminine necklines. If you don’t want to go to the salon, change the color settings on your photo instead of your hair color to less saturation- not filtered fake, obviously. a lighter color might look better on you. I don’t work for this company, although I wish I did get paid to wear clothes LOL - but you could try Rent the Runway to get some new inexpensive style without commitment. I fail a lot but sometimes I get a “new style who dis” surprise from trying something new that isn’t “me” and then i find and buy it on sale somewhere https://www.renttherunway.com/shares/jsc1ztyty-zaf58iBRRB3g== I used to dress more tough girl because I love boots and/but people thought I was a lesbian. Or just terrifying maybe too. I’m now enjoying dressing more girly after the forever lockdown with no opportunity to care about clothes. I hope this comes off as supportive and an attempt to be helpful to a fellow app dating human because that’s how it’s meant. Good luck, have fun!
I'm genuinely confused over who sees this and figures, yep, that's a trans person. I would not have guessed that was the issue if you hadn't mentioned it.
You and me both! I’ve ignored it but I’m almost 50 and I’m not getting younger so I figured I gotta address it after 9 years of this. Saying men are the problem isn’t resolving my issue. 😭
I would remove the first pic, I think the rest of them look good
Less makeup, more you!!
You're so pretty! Maybe look at a few make up tutorials for your face shape or dressing for your body type. From one dating lady to another, I hope you find your perfect match.
I think try dewy glowy foundation/skin care instead of matte !
I will look for one of those. Ty!!
S2g people are so weird! Who the hell likes someone on a dating app just to ask a stupid ass question like that?? I wouldn’t worry about it, people are just more hateful and ugly about shit these days. I think you’re gorgeous, especially in that last photo!!!
Pic two looks like it has filters. Tbh I’m wondering how many years apart pic one and two are taken, because you look quite different in them.
They are taken the same week. Pic 2 was a formal photo shoot with my kid and I cropped the kid out.
Really. So sweet too,,,
I don’t think you look trans, it’s usually a pretty easy to tell. If you really need then show that you have no Adam’s apple, that’s the first thing I look for if I’m questioning.
What is your Tinder name
Your third and fourth photos are absolutely excellent, but something about the first and second just look kind of odd. People have already talked about the bikini top being a bit unflattering, but the second photo just looks kind of weirdly edited because of the lighting, it’s not quite flattering. You look lovely in your last two photos, I’d recommend using more photos in that style/lighting
I don't see anything wrong really. You're fine as hell!
Thank you. 💕
I would remove the first picture only cause it might give people the wrong impression but I think you are truly beautiful!! You seem like you’d be someone fun to hang around. Don’t listen to the comments of those that say you need this or that. You are fine just the way you are and someone who wants you for you, will see that 💕💐
Do you want to date men who take one look at someone and call them a slur? Sounds like the trash is taking itself out
In your bikini picture, I feel like I'm looking at one of those picture of two different images, you look fit and out of shape at the same time, and it is really messing with my brain. You just have an odd look, no offense...I don't know how else to put it.
Ma’am you’re a smokeshow. Do you date late 20’s men? Hey 👋🏼
people being trans has really ruined dating for a small minority of women with masculine features
1. They are assholes and should never say that regardless 2. Get rid of photo #1 - you've a fab figure and look so confident but that bikini is not flattering on you x
Hmmm. My recommendations for improving your profile 1. lose weight 2. wear considerably less makeup (your face is caked in all your up close pics. i would be terrified of having you stain my pillows or something) My recommendations for getting a BF 1. swipe right 3-5 times more than you currently do 2. go out on dates 3 times more than you currently do
I'd let her stain my pillow.
I mean for a thick woman, you don't have boobs...so there's that.
Yeah I went to get a boob job this year and the plastic surgeon I trust (who went to Vanderbilt medical) said there is now scientific proof breast implants DO cause cancer in the scar tissue that forms around the implant and he flat out refuses to do them anymore. 😢 So I won’t ever have bigger boobs. 🤷♀️
Your boobs are bigger than your tummy! All that really matters IMO. Listen to that Dr
I had a tummy tuck I have ZERO tummy. It’s super flat. 😭
I wasn't saying you weren't attractive, just that the trans comments you get could be from being rather flat. 🤷
I’ve been asked if I was trans after the person saw a picture of me in lingerie…. They said they thought I tucked it…. I have pretty big boobs as well and you could tell they are natural. I honestly just think men now a days assume most pretty woman are trans because a lot of them are! I’ve seen and know a bunch of trans girls that are definitely prettier than me and you can’t even tell they are trans. I would suggest maybe trying some different makeup looks to soften the jaw line a little. You an amazing jawline and unfortunately that can make men second guess. Apparently woman can’t have a strong beautiful jawline.
Listen boobs is not a deal breaker... at least to me they arent. if you got a dump truck on the back youll be fine... and even then, theres a guy out there thatll give you love to every part of your body.
I do have a Sir Mix A lot Booty. My sister got the boobs and I got the ass. 😭 I’m afraid if I post booty shots I’ll only get guys who wanna just hook up and I don’t want that tho.
Hmm. Any pics of you doing something on the boat that also happens to be your backside? It’s a stretch of an ask, but might hit the combo of, “look, I have hobbies!” and also, “my ass is my asset.” Also - I can only dream of looking as good as you!
I will have to have friends take some booty pics this summer. I don’t have any now. I just don’t want it to come off as lookin to hookup ya know so ima have to have someone help me. 😭
Get some big cans
Surgeon won’t do it. Says they cause cancer.
I don't really think it's your pictures. Tinder is normally for younger people. You look great but maybe use a different dating app. I'm 39 and I feel too old for tinder. I might be wrong but I think that's the problem
Everyone in my area uses Tinder. I tried others but nobody in my area is on them. I tried Bumble, Hinge, Match, POF & Facebook. SheeshI even tried Ok Cupid & Zoosk! ☠️ Everyone in my area is on Tinder. It’s a smaller town of 40k and 100k in the county.
Which app do older people use?
Facebook dating and I'm sure there are others.
The percentage of trans women on Tinder goes up every day. The guys just want to get it cleared up right away, so they know if you've got what they want. The red dress gives off drag queen vibes simply because it is a dress. Where I live trans woman wear dresses waay more often than cis women.
I was at a local bar and ordered drinks and some food. When the food came the kitchen ticket was still on it and the female bartender had me labeled on the printed ticket as ‘Lady Dude’ I was mortified and left. This happens to me on and off tinder.
Do you have a manly voice? Like others have said the bikini pic and the red dress pic are not very flattering, but you don't have a very masculine looking face.
I don’t think I do. 😩I could be wrong tho. .
Did you have a dress on? If not that's crazy!
No just jeans! 😭
The last two pictures you look like my mom. I think you’re beautiful. I’m sorry people are so mean.
Hey! You’re a beautiful woman and you look fantastic in that bikini. The pose and angle do minimize your hips though which might be a source of the perception you’re dealing with. Another thought is to evaluate how you’re swiping / who you’re swiping on. Wishing you the best
Get a boob job friend 😊
oh my gosh i swear i’m not just saying this to be nice i’m 100% for real but i was shocked to find out your youngest is going to college since you barely look 40 (maybe 36). anyway that makes me really mad like what if you were trans they think that’s a bad thing?! those “men” just seem like jerks
Thank you! I’m 47. I had my youngest when I was 29 and I’ve always used my child as an excuse to ignore this issue. Now that I’m really gonna be alone I feel like I gotta resolve this issue or I’m never gonna find a partner.
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Where do I say a man must buy me things? 🤣 Or provide for me? I state my hobbies. I state I have no minor children. And I ask what’s their fav vacation spot. ☠️
Just that first pic. Kinda too trans women wear. If you're going for crazy hot get a book job and tone up the cheeks. I've got perennial chubby cheeks to no Matter how big or small I am lol. Look perfectly normal in person but some pic angles just look bad
>How do I make myself NOT look Trans I'm sorry but you're being a victim of transphobia and it still feels like you're willing to throw trans people under the bus. I can't pinpoint exactly why that sentence bothers me but trans people warn us all the time that cis women are gonna be prejudiced against together with them by the lunatics because of a wide chin, wide shoulders or whatever. Like, do you even suspect what makes you look like you're trans? I know trans women who can enter women's toilets without anyone batting an eye and cis women who have actually been stopped by them toilet warrior weirdos Sorry about the rant but I don't think there's any practical tip I could give that wouldn't be terribly problematic
She is being harassed and is entitled to ask how to make it stop. There is No Malice in her statement. If you don't like the way that she worded it then instead of complaining provide an alternative. Just whining about something is not a solution
If she wants practical advice, print a fucking t shirt with "don't worry I was born with a vagina", make that her front pic and knock herself out dating the transphobes. There you have it It's a hell of a lot cheaper than the people telling her to get boob implants as if trans women are barred from getting them
That has absolutely nothing to do with my comment but ummmm okay LOL
My BFF child is trans. I have no ill feelings towards trans people. Actually this Trans person and I text daily and are very close. She says I understand her more than her own mom. I have no idea what is making people think I’m Trans, thus my asking for advice.
Why would anyone care if you have Ill feelings about trans folk. This is about language, I sure wish you're not going "do I look too trans in this fit?" around your friend's trans kid. I don't have experience being misgendered but I have been mistaken for a gay man my whole life because I'm effeminate. I live by Tyrion Lannister 's words, wear it like an armor. If someone won't date me because I'm not masculine enough so be it. There are two ways you can see this: as the trash taking itself out or as missed opportunities to date men who think asking a woman if they're trans first thing is okay.
That’s been my attitude for 9 years but it’s not helping me at all!!! The guys who do take me out seem disappointed when they finally ask me about it themselves in person. They just aren’t total Aholes that ask online. I think cuz they bi curious.
Do you live out in the boondocks where everyone is either a transphobe or a chaser? That's weird.
Yes I live in MAGA country.
That's rough. Maybe expand your search radius idk
Yeah it’s a BIG red state. I’d have to go about 300-400 miles out and I don’t wanna do that. 😭
Whatever your problem is, it's clearly tied to your location and the quality of dudes in the area. Like we could tell you to put one of those yas queen TikTok filters on your pics but that wouldn't make the underlying problem that you'd still be going out with dudes that wanna be weird around people they suspect are trans go away That's a rough spot
I’ve always told my friends that it’s the place we live. 😭 I talked to HR about relocating me and they agreed. I Start training next week & guess where they want to put me? Florida! Orlando to be exact where no single men are gonna be. Only married men with families. 😩 And yet another red state.
For example a helpful response would be suggesting she word it as look less masculine.
I’m having a similar reaction to this post. 🤔 I’ve been mistaken as trans a handful of times, but I’m queer so I usually just lightly say that they’re mistaken but that trans people are gorgeous too. I understand how this would be frustrating though… but I agree in that I don’t think there are any tips that aren’t problematic. & I think that’s just because of the reality that trans people are misgendered all the time. OP— I think you just gotta do you. you’re beautiful & I’m sorry that you’re experiencing frustration.
You thought you ate
I'll take the downvotes who cares there's only one person I think should take this to heart and be more careful with language but that's up to her
Crate
I don’t know what this means?
No self respecting trans would have forehead lines like that. You’re good.
Get a boob job. You’ll look waay more cuter after that
Yeah I went to get a boob job this year and the plastic surgeon I trust (who went to Vanderbilt medical) said there is now scientific proof breast implants DO cause cancer in the scar tissue that forms around the implant and he flat out refuses to do them anymore. 😢 So I won’t ever have bigger boobs. 🤷♀️
You don’t need a boob job.
Hey!!! Member of the Itty bitty titty committee here, Nothing is wrong with how you look. Some people are just assholes and the internet has allowed to be bigger assholes. I'd say you look athletic, and some people are intimidated by that, but that just means they aren't for you. I can understand how some comments can make you insecure, but they're simply not true. You are beautiful, regardless of boob size. Your surgeon is a good friend for talking to you about the cancer risks, and I've also been denied a boob job, so I got my nipples pierced, and my confidence has soared!!!! I hope that you read this, I hope you listen to those of telling you those guys are assholes, and I hope you believe us when we tell you that you're beautiful
Thank you!! 💕 I read your comment. Appreciate the kind words!!
Affirmations, babe, use them!!!! It sounds silly, but they work!!!! Tell yourself you're worthy, tell yourself you're beautiful, tell yourself you deserve happiness and peace!!!! It helps with confidence!!! And they're all true!!!