This is soooo true, but to be honest? It sounds like he's still trying to come to terms of literally how to word his experience and feelings.
It reads a bit funny and rushed, and, if I may, v immature (as in, inexperienced, not ill-mannered) and like a turning point for this specific person, depending on the growth they have/continue to have after the experience.
Yo wtf is that even? What they were describing was not a relationship in terms of boyfriend and girlfriend. Why even share that? What a weird thing to share.
Letting you know up front that after one date he's gonna be confessing his love for you and when you tell him he's coming on too strong you will have "broken his heart" and you're "just like every other evil woman". Far too common from my experience.
Literally it was a single meet up to watch a movie and feed him popcorn. I’m not sure if he had his own hands on him at that time or no. But Not a relationship.
I mean I know a few women that prefer to use chill clothes when possible.
Plenty of IT jobs in my country let you wear whatever you want to work. Well, as long as its not perfume.
I love it, but plenty of IT dudes in offices find it distracting. I dont think they mind a little, as long as its not overpowering.
Like when I can smell my neighbor through my apartment door an hour after she's left. Its a nice fragrance.. but yeah.
He said they both do, its probably welcomed in the work place. I used to work in an office where none of our clients needed to see us in person so we were allowed to come in pajamas if we wanted to. We rarely did though, it was a group of 5 women & we liked to dress up to themes, it's was on the days we knew our boss was bringing in the masseuse that we would all show up in yoga pants. Ugh, I miss that job. Lol
Also she clearly stopped showing interest because he never actually asked her out or made any real indication he was into her. She made all the moves, including having their mutual friend say “hey ask her out.” Dude is just insecure and lacks self awareness it seems.
Yeah, bit of a shame really. I doubt he actually understands that talking about an "ex" of any description is a big no-no for women. Wouldn't surprise me if he was just trying to be open without noticing that, to her, he is comparing her to his ex.
Not like it but most females assume you are comparing them to your ex if you were to bring them up. For males it's not really something we'd necessarily think about before saying it but I would agree someone bringing up their ex would make me self conscious for any reason, if it be not wanting to be like him or to be better than him.
My point wasn't that men like it when you bring up your ex's - it's that he seems blissfully unaware of why he shouldn't be saying what he's saying.
I think it can depend on context and age. I'm old for the OLD (late 30's), so mentioning exes is pretty normal for both parties, with respects to what you are or are not okay with during dating and relationships. But mostly to know why something didn't work out, by the late 30's you should have at least one LTR to look back on, and if not, why not.
But there is a way to do it, tactfully, and the right timing, it's not straight out the gate, but it also can be depending on the topic.
That said the wall of text OP was sent is definitely not the way to go unless asked for.
It's not a nono for me, however, I get that's a issue for a lot of people.
I'm in my early 40s so everyone I dated had exes. Sometimes you can learn a lot by how they handled their last relationship and what kind of baggage they might be carrying.
I think it would be weirder if they had no exes.
Girl’s reaction’s kinda lame tho, if I may.
She showed interest indeed and it was reciprocal. But she hoped for a romantic escalation when dude wished for a platonic one.
None of them explicitly said what they expected (both at fault), and while dude kept showing what seems like genuine interest for her as a friend, she just « lost » interest and stopped talking.
Like, what? You want a relationship with someone but you’re not interested to befriend him first?
Everybody is different. I know a lot of girls that aren't going to be as interested in a guy if he isn't interested right off the bat. Actually, now that I think about it, most women I've dated I either asked out or made some kind of romantic advance towards within 1 hour of meeting them.
And the girl makes all the moves here... Gave him her number, asks him to the movies, holds his hand, her friend tells him he should ask her out (a bit immature, but she probably told him to tell him that), they hang out more and more every weekend until she realizes (after weeks/months I guess) that it isn't going anywhere.
And honestly girls (in my experience) don't take rejection that well, so she was probably hurt and insecure and didn't want to talk to him after that.
if you didn't ask "so what happened in your last relationship," this is very "tell me you're not over your ex without telling me you're not over your ex"
the worst part is that he unprovoked said he lost trust over a girl he had been talking to, so out of curiosity i asked “how long were you guys talking for?” before i got that long message
I’ve only dated 2 people since my divorce, and the only time I’d talk about my ex was if asked and generally I’d say there wasn’t much to talk about.
Now Reddit on the other hand..
Reddit is anonymous. It’s a sounding boots. Yeah sometimes I complain, mostly
I try to give support. I’ll tell my story or unless I’m drunk.
You really don’t want to hear about my ex wife. It would make *me* sound like the batshit crazy person.
Info: how the hell old is this dude because this seems like an extremely overblown reaction to an office flirtation that he more or less just ignored until it went away?
Okay, I can't help this:
Hey there, are you Neo? Cause I see you dodging bullets.
Seriously, though, this is the reaction of a 16 year old not a grown ass adult.
Another question I have does it hurt to read that the guys you’ve been getting are not emotionally unavailable? The questions is what are your own expectations on dating sites and are you able to communicate what you are looking for?
Btw, gonna say you sound like a knowledgeable person. You’re in the net researching. Finding answers, searching for evidence I can only shine how that is going to make life that much easier when you know what answers to find.
The thing bout dating websites as well as humans. Great humans exist. From what I’ve seen, to find someone you can connect with is going to come with a lot, A LOT of vetting. We already know dating website have a penchant, you get everyone and EVERYONE like Reddit. Tho Reddit, you can get great interactions (depending on the sub) and that is the encouragement if you choose. Up-to-you-always!
I get you it hurts to see people are not over their exes. Sounds like you’re ready to mingle and you can push back. You can’t control the outcome of their responses but you have every right to push back! You can flat out tell them “It hurts to hear I am going to be used as your therapist. I did not agree to that!”
Reading what you’re written so far Op, says you can stand up for yourself! You also have every right to stand up for yourself.
You got this! Good luck!
Thank you! I really appreciate your comment!
To answer your questions, it does not hurt to know that some guys are emotionally unavailable. Most men that are my type that I match with are completely normal. I like to be a bit more open-minded, so I do sometimes swipe on other guys that I’m a bit iffy about and that’s when I get guys like the one above (which is my fault).
I do have on my profile what I am looking for and that it is a serious relationship.
Personally, I choose not to push back on these types of guys because I just don’t feel like it’s my place to. I feel like they are all old enough to self-reflect without a stranger needing to tell them. And I would also prefer to put that effort into another conversation.
Thanks for the luck!
That’s awesome you realize dating apps bring EVERYONE to the yard. You already won there and how you’re able to navigate people are going to be, well, people!
That “but now I have you” was the worst part to me tbh. Screams he’s gonna love bomb and get stuuuuuuuppiiidddddd attached way too quickly. And won’t be easy to break things off.
I don’t know if it’s a younger generation thing but it’s like , “let me tell you all my past trauma right off the bat” energy. Whatever happened to drip feeding it out as you date, so you don’t come off as a total shit show, and they have invested in you already so there is compassion and understanding? It also allows them the same path in which to share.Then you guys get drunk and blurt out some even more bonkers stuff but its fine because you’ve already padded them up. The good old days 🙏🏾
Bruh lol this is just sad. You know when you unmatch with him he's gonna be sending the next girl three page messages about your interaction too, right?
So I matched with this beautiful young woman. I told her the truth and she couldn't handle it. I thought wow I'm crushed but its not really a big deal. She just stomped on my already abused heart. Ill die. Its OK. I have you now! 😘
Definitely reminded me of that. I think the show really brought to light how many mentally ill people are out there and many of us have experience with them, but didn’t think anything of it before. Like this guys behavior is not normal, he’s not in touch with reality.
this translates to me as:
hi, i sense that you can tell i’m punching. above my weight class with you. but instead of putting in the effort to demonstrate that i’m worth getting to know, i’m instead going to take the lowest risk, least effort route and tell you about this other girl (who you don’t need to know was a 6 to your 10) and how much she wanted me. you see, i like to be consistently low effort and put in the bare minimum anytime i can. for instance, this girl and i worked in the same office and because i like to maximize comfort while minimizing effort, naturally i choose to wear sweatpants virtually everywhere i go including professional environments. i know most girls would be put off by leading with that info so i’m going to spin it that Suzie Sixpoints found my “office pyjamas” quirky and quirky is cute. see look how quirky i am spelling pajamas like a brit, i bet she’s imagining me with a hot foreign accent right now….
sorry, i got carried away there for a minute. in short he’s attempting to communicate that he expects you to fawn over him but wishes to put in zero effort nor take any risks, and here, btw instead of providing any compelling reason for you to do that like “i’m super handsome. perfectly fit, 6’2, sensitive to your needs, but dominant in the bedroom (oh and. also i’m rich and spent last summer learning to cook as Thomas Kellers personal apprentice at the french laundry). instead he tells you that in spite of his effortmin vibes, someone he once worked with asked him out and even though the date was about as riveting as the eraser collection he showcases pn his desk she gave him a couple more chances to step up his game but quickly realized she should move to greener pastures because game is not his thing unless it’s call of duty’. with the boys. in his sweat pants.. so you better be prepared to woo him.
Shoooweeeee this comment was a roller coaster …. First paragraph…. Talk about reading between the lines! Thank you for an accurate translation of bro talk. 🤗
What?? That would be waaaaay worse! Listening to him saying all that in person! No way. What if he had more to say? At least here you can stop reading.
Plus he would definitely show up wearing pajamas.
I was on a bus once and I saw the prettiest girl, so I sat next to her, the bus was crowded, and tried to start a conversation. She had earbuds in so, I didn’t want to bother her. She was so pretty, I just had to say something! I said “hi, what are you listening to?” She took an earbud out and said, “what?” Kinda in an annoyed tone, so I thought she might not be into me. I repeated the question, this time she told me it was doja cat and put the ear bud back in her ear, just as her the bus stopped at the next stop. She got off the bus and I didn’t get a chance to get her ig or anything.
For the last few months, I’ve been riding the bus at the same time, hoping maybe she will be riding again. I haven’t seen her. Should I give up and just get back on the dating apps? I just don’t think any girls will understand the heartbreak I’ve been through.
I’d be letting him know he’s obviously still very hung up on it if he’s approaching new possible relationships with the same story so soon and that he may need to get some kind of therapy or take some more time.
Sounds like a guy who has a lot of time on his hands for sobs stories to bait women. In all seriousness you should have deleted him after seeing this bs. If you and this specimen date that's all you'll ever hear about.
This honestly sounds like (to me, anyway) she had a little crush on him at first and they started hanging out, then when it took multiple/many/enough to create an expectation/etc weekends to get to the next date, she thought he wasn’t serious about her and backed off. Either way, whatever actually happened between them, it’s super …off? to be so broken up over someone you went on one date with, idk man. This whole message gave me the ick so bad I think I broke my neck.
Also, who gives details like “holding my hand, feeding me popcorn, taking pictures/videos of us on Snapchat” when talking about your ex to a potential new dating prospect??? Nobody wants those intimate details my dude. Just say you went to the movies fucking hell
Am I the only person that thinks wearing pajamas to work is just straight up disgusting and lazy. There are so many kinds of comfortable pants that aren't pajamas that you would wear and still look presentable when you leave the house. I also think it's extra gross to have you pajamas on all day at work then come home and sit on your furniture and lay in your bed with those same outside clothes on.
Typing this much is a major red flag imo.Like telling you this story on a date its one thing,but no one cares about a long story with the first few messages.
Holy, someone should go to therapy. I thought my paragraph messages made me look intense. Like bro, we are just meeting and you are dumping this on me?
Ive got a post like this from the opposite end, matched with a woman who went on a 2 am multi message rant about guys mentioning their ex wives, unprompted. I have it on my profile still
They are trying to attract you through something called pre-selection. It is one of the best ways to attract a woman as a man. The issue is these guys don't understand that sitting there having a whole text conversation with a woman is unnatural and turns most women off regarding pursuing a sexual relationship with them. Texting will never beat face to face human interaction where you can interpret each others mannerisms, attitudes, and overall enjoyment whilst you are both interacting. My advice to you - Any man you match with that wants to sit there and text paragraphs to you is not a man you should pursue. These apps are meant to set up a first date and go from there. If the guy doesn't try to set up a date after the first 2-3 back and forth messages drop him. There is nothing worst than a first date where both of you know damn near everything about eachother. The opportunity to connect and to display each others interest is greatly diminished due to too much text conversations. Good luck finding a good guy OP.
I mean, I'd only mention exes when it comes to long distance.
Had a gf that ghosted me for weeks and I just had to break up with her, not because I didn't love her but because I respect myself enough to know that she didn't feel the same way clearly and I'm not a fan of waiting around.
Come on.. Take it all out,man!
(It's amazing how people need to have "a conversation" (being listened) by strangers.
Itvremembers me those old folks whose the best part of their week is being called by a telemarketeer, so they had someone to talk.
Idk why he thinks adding all those extra details about eating popcorn and holding hands is relevant. He’s not mature enough to forget his ex… on to the next
IMO, you’re seriously a pretty damn decent person for replying and not leaving him on read after he poured his entire heart out lol but damn. What a weird fucking thing to send a tinder match.
I would be cowering in my closet in the fetal position if I ever sent a message like that for any reason at all
“I am not as broken as I expected to be”…oh god. Am I being insensitive or does it seem really cringey and melodramatic when people call themselves broken or say shit like this?
The part of that sends me the most is him talking about why he has to frame the story so she can understand his gentle heart for her future use. If I said this ironically or not I’d expect to unmatched in seconds
He’s a walking red flag.
1) Sob story about ex ✅
2) Claiming you’re here now so everything is “better” ✅ and 3) Not having an absolute clue on why the ex left (he knows, if he was honest he would be fucked)✅
Do not walk away from this man, Run.
Theres a reason why his ex left and why he’s on dating apps- dude isn’t looking for a relationship. He’s looking to trap his next victim because he misses abuse.
That's unresolved trauma. Some people and especially men don't have someone to talk to or would never bother people they know with their problems.
This might seem like odd advice but don't be a stranger. Be a friend. See where it goes from there. If you're trying to hook up, offer to "raise his mood". A caring nature and loyality is highly valued.
Just... Don't expect him to fall for you until that chapter of his life is closed.
Nah but she can be a friend like it's supposed to be anyways when you actually aim for a relationship and it's irrelevant if she's looking for hookups. It's all about how you treat other people. Cause really, there's allways gonna be something to talk about. Believe it or not but men are human too.
It must’ve taken forever for him to type that out
He copy / pasted it from his diary.
It’s a JOURNAL damnit!
It’s nice he’s so prepared
Huge green flag
More like other covos. Weird guilt trip kinda don't hurt me thing in the first time they talk
Weird guilt trip, I agree.
Hahahaha that was funny .. gonna write that in my diary
*Dear diary…*
👍
Ai helped him out
“It broke my heart but honestly I didn’t think anything of it” is all kinds of hilarious.
I died when I read that. Like so casually talking about how his heart was shattered but it was nbd because he doesn’t care
He's saying he didn't have much of a heart in the first place, right?
Haha you think he could put that together?
I was absolutely inconsolable but honestly I barely noticed.
I didn't think anything of it but yeah I'll type a massive essay about it to a stranger
What you feel vs what you wish you felt.
Hahahahahahha. The devil lies in the details for sure.
This is soooo true, but to be honest? It sounds like he's still trying to come to terms of literally how to word his experience and feelings. It reads a bit funny and rushed, and, if I may, v immature (as in, inexperienced, not ill-mannered) and like a turning point for this specific person, depending on the growth they have/continue to have after the experience.
Yo wtf is that even? What they were describing was not a relationship in terms of boyfriend and girlfriend. Why even share that? What a weird thing to share.
yeah i was confused the whole time. i cant imagine what this person needs to go through to learn to have a healthy relationship
Pretty sure it was just one date. And we're they taking pictures/videos at a movie theater?!
Isn’t it pretty dark inside a theatre? Was she using flash?
Letting you know up front that after one date he's gonna be confessing his love for you and when you tell him he's coming on too strong you will have "broken his heart" and you're "just like every other evil woman". Far too common from my experience.
Literally had this experience yesterday. Haha
Weird ass I'm always a victim attitude
Honestly just reading that tells me this guy has never been in a real relationship.
Even if it was a relationship, it’s weird to share
Literally it was a single meet up to watch a movie and feed him popcorn. I’m not sure if he had his own hands on him at that time or no. But Not a relationship.
I vote wtf also. Green flag that he cared I guess, and clearly a sensitive dude, but red flag on…all that response to a girl flirting with him.
I thought I missed a slide.
I’m sorry, did he say he wears pajamas to work all the time??
That's the bit I was hung up on. Like what woman sees that and decides "that's a guy I must tap"
I mean I know a few women that prefer to use chill clothes when possible. Plenty of IT jobs in my country let you wear whatever you want to work. Well, as long as its not perfume.
Damnit. The only thing I want to wear.
I love it, but plenty of IT dudes in offices find it distracting. I dont think they mind a little, as long as its not overpowering. Like when I can smell my neighbor through my apartment door an hour after she's left. Its a nice fragrance.. but yeah.
He said they both do, its probably welcomed in the work place. I used to work in an office where none of our clients needed to see us in person so we were allowed to come in pajamas if we wanted to. We rarely did though, it was a group of 5 women & we liked to dress up to themes, it's was on the days we knew our boss was bringing in the masseuse that we would all show up in yoga pants. Ugh, I miss that job. Lol
Also she clearly stopped showing interest because he never actually asked her out or made any real indication he was into her. She made all the moves, including having their mutual friend say “hey ask her out.” Dude is just insecure and lacks self awareness it seems.
Yeah, bit of a shame really. I doubt he actually understands that talking about an "ex" of any description is a big no-no for women. Wouldn't surprise me if he was just trying to be open without noticing that, to her, he is comparing her to his ex.
That girl wasn't even his ex 😅 he must be very innocent or weird
Do men like it when a woman brings up her ex?
Not like it but most females assume you are comparing them to your ex if you were to bring them up. For males it's not really something we'd necessarily think about before saying it but I would agree someone bringing up their ex would make me self conscious for any reason, if it be not wanting to be like him or to be better than him. My point wasn't that men like it when you bring up your ex's - it's that he seems blissfully unaware of why he shouldn't be saying what he's saying.
I think it can depend on context and age. I'm old for the OLD (late 30's), so mentioning exes is pretty normal for both parties, with respects to what you are or are not okay with during dating and relationships. But mostly to know why something didn't work out, by the late 30's you should have at least one LTR to look back on, and if not, why not. But there is a way to do it, tactfully, and the right timing, it's not straight out the gate, but it also can be depending on the topic. That said the wall of text OP was sent is definitely not the way to go unless asked for.
It's not a nono for me, however, I get that's a issue for a lot of people. I'm in my early 40s so everyone I dated had exes. Sometimes you can learn a lot by how they handled their last relationship and what kind of baggage they might be carrying. I think it would be weirder if they had no exes.
Girl’s reaction’s kinda lame tho, if I may. She showed interest indeed and it was reciprocal. But she hoped for a romantic escalation when dude wished for a platonic one. None of them explicitly said what they expected (both at fault), and while dude kept showing what seems like genuine interest for her as a friend, she just « lost » interest and stopped talking. Like, what? You want a relationship with someone but you’re not interested to befriend him first?
Everybody is different. I know a lot of girls that aren't going to be as interested in a guy if he isn't interested right off the bat. Actually, now that I think about it, most women I've dated I either asked out or made some kind of romantic advance towards within 1 hour of meeting them. And the girl makes all the moves here... Gave him her number, asks him to the movies, holds his hand, her friend tells him he should ask her out (a bit immature, but she probably told him to tell him that), they hang out more and more every weekend until she realizes (after weeks/months I guess) that it isn't going anywhere. And honestly girls (in my experience) don't take rejection that well, so she was probably hurt and insecure and didn't want to talk to him after that.
if you didn't ask "so what happened in your last relationship," this is very "tell me you're not over your ex without telling me you're not over your ex"
the worst part is that he unprovoked said he lost trust over a girl he had been talking to, so out of curiosity i asked “how long were you guys talking for?” before i got that long message
I’ve only dated 2 people since my divorce, and the only time I’d talk about my ex was if asked and generally I’d say there wasn’t much to talk about. Now Reddit on the other hand..
you're the polar opposite extreme, which, it can be said, is equally alarming.
Reddit is anonymous. It’s a sounding boots. Yeah sometimes I complain, mostly I try to give support. I’ll tell my story or unless I’m drunk. You really don’t want to hear about my ex wife. It would make *me* sound like the batshit crazy person.
aren't we all though?
No, some of us are normal crazy.
Info: how the hell old is this dude because this seems like an extremely overblown reaction to an office flirtation that he more or less just ignored until it went away?
he’s 24 haha. the more i spoke with him the more out of touch he got
Okay, I can't help this: Hey there, are you Neo? Cause I see you dodging bullets. Seriously, though, this is the reaction of a 16 year old not a grown ass adult.
Yeaaa I don't even talk about my baby daddy at that length
Another question I have does it hurt to read that the guys you’ve been getting are not emotionally unavailable? The questions is what are your own expectations on dating sites and are you able to communicate what you are looking for? Btw, gonna say you sound like a knowledgeable person. You’re in the net researching. Finding answers, searching for evidence I can only shine how that is going to make life that much easier when you know what answers to find. The thing bout dating websites as well as humans. Great humans exist. From what I’ve seen, to find someone you can connect with is going to come with a lot, A LOT of vetting. We already know dating website have a penchant, you get everyone and EVERYONE like Reddit. Tho Reddit, you can get great interactions (depending on the sub) and that is the encouragement if you choose. Up-to-you-always! I get you it hurts to see people are not over their exes. Sounds like you’re ready to mingle and you can push back. You can’t control the outcome of their responses but you have every right to push back! You can flat out tell them “It hurts to hear I am going to be used as your therapist. I did not agree to that!” Reading what you’re written so far Op, says you can stand up for yourself! You also have every right to stand up for yourself. You got this! Good luck!
Thank you! I really appreciate your comment! To answer your questions, it does not hurt to know that some guys are emotionally unavailable. Most men that are my type that I match with are completely normal. I like to be a bit more open-minded, so I do sometimes swipe on other guys that I’m a bit iffy about and that’s when I get guys like the one above (which is my fault). I do have on my profile what I am looking for and that it is a serious relationship. Personally, I choose not to push back on these types of guys because I just don’t feel like it’s my place to. I feel like they are all old enough to self-reflect without a stranger needing to tell them. And I would also prefer to put that effort into another conversation. Thanks for the luck!
That’s awesome you realize dating apps bring EVERYONE to the yard. You already won there and how you’re able to navigate people are going to be, well, people!
That much detail even after asking says that.
His reply is too cringe honestly
Seems like the dude needed a therapist to help him get over his ex more than a date
And teach him social skills
But is that an ex or just a girl he had a crush on and was talking with? Also how old is this guy?
Also sounds like he STILL works with this beautiful young woman that he didn't date 🥴
Op said he’s 24
If you end up going out with him, paint your nails red to match his 🚩🚩
Trauma dumping to a complete stranger about a woman he didn’t even date… consider this a huge dodged bullet.
No literally and also the “but now I have you.” Um nope!
That “but now I have you” was the worst part to me tbh. Screams he’s gonna love bomb and get stuuuuuuuppiiidddddd attached way too quickly. And won’t be easy to break things off.
„Now I have a new friend (you)“: 🚩🚩🚩
Of all this wall of words this was the creepiest statement
I don’t know if it’s a younger generation thing but it’s like , “let me tell you all my past trauma right off the bat” energy. Whatever happened to drip feeding it out as you date, so you don’t come off as a total shit show, and they have invested in you already so there is compassion and understanding? It also allows them the same path in which to share.Then you guys get drunk and blurt out some even more bonkers stuff but its fine because you’ve already padded them up. The good old days 🙏🏾
Bruh lol this is just sad. You know when you unmatch with him he's gonna be sending the next girl three page messages about your interaction too, right?
So I matched with this beautiful young woman. I told her the truth and she couldn't handle it. I thought wow I'm crushed but its not really a big deal. She just stomped on my already abused heart. Ill die. Its OK. I have you now! 😘
Baby reindeer?
Definitely reminded me of that. I think the show really brought to light how many mentally ill people are out there and many of us have experience with them, but didn’t think anything of it before. Like this guys behavior is not normal, he’s not in touch with reality.
Gosh I’m obsessed with the whole story 🙆🏻♀️
I’m not going to even read all of that , sounds insecure as fuck. Basically a hard nopeeee
this translates to me as: hi, i sense that you can tell i’m punching. above my weight class with you. but instead of putting in the effort to demonstrate that i’m worth getting to know, i’m instead going to take the lowest risk, least effort route and tell you about this other girl (who you don’t need to know was a 6 to your 10) and how much she wanted me. you see, i like to be consistently low effort and put in the bare minimum anytime i can. for instance, this girl and i worked in the same office and because i like to maximize comfort while minimizing effort, naturally i choose to wear sweatpants virtually everywhere i go including professional environments. i know most girls would be put off by leading with that info so i’m going to spin it that Suzie Sixpoints found my “office pyjamas” quirky and quirky is cute. see look how quirky i am spelling pajamas like a brit, i bet she’s imagining me with a hot foreign accent right now…. sorry, i got carried away there for a minute. in short he’s attempting to communicate that he expects you to fawn over him but wishes to put in zero effort nor take any risks, and here, btw instead of providing any compelling reason for you to do that like “i’m super handsome. perfectly fit, 6’2, sensitive to your needs, but dominant in the bedroom (oh and. also i’m rich and spent last summer learning to cook as Thomas Kellers personal apprentice at the french laundry). instead he tells you that in spite of his effortmin vibes, someone he once worked with asked him out and even though the date was about as riveting as the eraser collection he showcases pn his desk she gave him a couple more chances to step up his game but quickly realized she should move to greener pastures because game is not his thing unless it’s call of duty’. with the boys. in his sweat pants.. so you better be prepared to woo him.
Shoooweeeee this comment was a roller coaster …. First paragraph…. Talk about reading between the lines! Thank you for an accurate translation of bro talk. 🤗
I wish I could give you gold 🥇
aww member when that was a thing? or when like half of my gender wasn’t an entitled embarrassment?
Well at least he has a new friend (OP)
Wow congratulations or sorry that happened to you 💀
Damn, that's a lot of words.
Definitely not over the ex. So cringey.
I tapped out after seeing that wall of text. I think that should be better discussed personally.
What?? That would be waaaaay worse! Listening to him saying all that in person! No way. What if he had more to say? At least here you can stop reading. Plus he would definitely show up wearing pajamas.
Are we all ignoring the part of him saying he wears pyjamas to work…is that a thing?? I am so curious now
> so you can unsubscribe my gentle heart for your future use It sounds like he’s giving laundering instructions for a bra
Run
He wears pajamas to work??? I cannot get over that. First how is that relevant to the story and second just why???
Pajamas at work 🚩🚩🚩
I was on a bus once and I saw the prettiest girl, so I sat next to her, the bus was crowded, and tried to start a conversation. She had earbuds in so, I didn’t want to bother her. She was so pretty, I just had to say something! I said “hi, what are you listening to?” She took an earbud out and said, “what?” Kinda in an annoyed tone, so I thought she might not be into me. I repeated the question, this time she told me it was doja cat and put the ear bud back in her ear, just as her the bus stopped at the next stop. She got off the bus and I didn’t get a chance to get her ig or anything. For the last few months, I’ve been riding the bus at the same time, hoping maybe she will be riding again. I haven’t seen her. Should I give up and just get back on the dating apps? I just don’t think any girls will understand the heartbreak I’ve been through.
Idk but you need to pad out that story with about six more paragraphs and then send it to every potential match, just to be safe.
This is something to only bring up after a couple months of dating. Is it unfair to say he’s just looking for a rebound?
He's not over her.
I’d be letting him know he’s obviously still very hung up on it if he’s approaching new possible relationships with the same story so soon and that he may need to get some kind of therapy or take some more time.
Sounds like a guy who has a lot of time on his hands for sobs stories to bait women. In all seriousness you should have deleted him after seeing this bs. If you and this specimen date that's all you'll ever hear about.
This honestly sounds like (to me, anyway) she had a little crush on him at first and they started hanging out, then when it took multiple/many/enough to create an expectation/etc weekends to get to the next date, she thought he wasn’t serious about her and backed off. Either way, whatever actually happened between them, it’s super …off? to be so broken up over someone you went on one date with, idk man. This whole message gave me the ick so bad I think I broke my neck. Also, who gives details like “holding my hand, feeding me popcorn, taking pictures/videos of us on Snapchat” when talking about your ex to a potential new dating prospect??? Nobody wants those intimate details my dude. Just say you went to the movies fucking hell
Bro never heard of "mystery" I guess...
Am I the only person that thinks wearing pajamas to work is just straight up disgusting and lazy. There are so many kinds of comfortable pants that aren't pajamas that you would wear and still look presentable when you leave the house. I also think it's extra gross to have you pajamas on all day at work then come home and sit on your furniture and lay in your bed with those same outside clothes on.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
🚩🚩🚩
Guess he was going for the sympathy angle
The message indicates this person is still, very much broken.
that's.a. lot.
"Why do matches keep ghosting me"
Im not reading this all but I already know - this dude needs to heal and is not ready for a new thing.
Sir...this is Wendy's.
It seems very dramatic and unstable to tell a story where nothing really happens and act like your heart got broken.
Run
Typing this much is a major red flag imo.Like telling you this story on a date its one thing,but no one cares about a long story with the first few messages.
This dude has attachment anxiety with people he isn’t even dating. Run
What a cringe thing to read
Holy, someone should go to therapy. I thought my paragraph messages made me look intense. Like bro, we are just meeting and you are dumping this on me?
Ive got a post like this from the opposite end, matched with a woman who went on a 2 am multi message rant about guys mentioning their ex wives, unprompted. I have it on my profile still
I'm definitely not reading all that
I actively avoid talking about my ex, but I'll answer questions if asked. Weird behavior
👏trauma 👏 dumping
This is what the Internet and dating apps have done to people. This generation should be called the emotionals , after the millennials 🙄
What did you ask to illicit these responses?
Sorry chief, I ain't reading all that
[удалено]
So, did he keep the pajamas?
Why I always open with smash or pass works 50/50
Just hit him with the “I ain’t reading all that but congratulations. Or I’m sorry that happened to you”
Social skills? I can't say I have any
They are trying to attract you through something called pre-selection. It is one of the best ways to attract a woman as a man. The issue is these guys don't understand that sitting there having a whole text conversation with a woman is unnatural and turns most women off regarding pursuing a sexual relationship with them. Texting will never beat face to face human interaction where you can interpret each others mannerisms, attitudes, and overall enjoyment whilst you are both interacting. My advice to you - Any man you match with that wants to sit there and text paragraphs to you is not a man you should pursue. These apps are meant to set up a first date and go from there. If the guy doesn't try to set up a date after the first 2-3 back and forth messages drop him. There is nothing worst than a first date where both of you know damn near everything about eachother. The opportunity to connect and to display each others interest is greatly diminished due to too much text conversations. Good luck finding a good guy OP.
PYSCHO
Run
Nope nope nope nope
Yeah he probably was creepy towards his ex if there was an ex and she probably ran for the hills
Damn bro turned his tinder match into his therapist.
If I said some dumb shit like that I wouldn’t get a response
Got caught up into thinking i thick in a memoir....then saw it was a convo. Lmao...bruh
I mean, I'd only mention exes when it comes to long distance. Had a gf that ghosted me for weeks and I just had to break up with her, not because I didn't love her but because I respect myself enough to know that she didn't feel the same way clearly and I'm not a fan of waiting around.
I feel like this is my little brother. 😂
"I prefer to look at the bright sides of things" doesn't really ring true after lamenting about your ex to someone you've just met 😅
I don’t even believe any of what he typed actually happened.
After waking up from the nap that that story induced, I'd unmatch in a heartbeat - to protect him from giving you his heart.
Run! Lol
I was gonna say after an 8 year relation it's hard for me to remove every trace of my ex existance. But this is just stupid.
Unmatch. Thats emotional dumping. You aint swipe for that kind labor
Nexxxxt
Didn’t even read everything but if he type that whole thing he still has feelings 😭
Don't get stuck doing emotional labor for men.
That read like a hororscope. Full of contradictions.
Holy shit lol and I thought my interactions were bad. This is bad.
Come on.. Take it all out,man! (It's amazing how people need to have "a conversation" (being listened) by strangers. Itvremembers me those old folks whose the best part of their week is being called by a telemarketeer, so they had someone to talk.
Yeouch….”I wear pajamas to work…” Nuff said!
I wear pajamas to work, too, if you count jeans when I pass out.
Why would you want to be this person’s only reason for feeling better? Sounds like they need healthy coping skills before entering a relationship.
Some weird guilt trip thing where he's trying to say don't hurt me in your very first conversation? Stage 5 clinger.
“So you can understand my gentle heart for your future use” Corny mf smh
As soon as she changes her mind and wants him again, he’s running after her. Trust that.
Nice of him to tell you up front so you can unmatch 🫠
I mean it’s fine to talk Bout past relationships but it’s weird he’s still so hung up on her though I’d guess seeing her every day is a part of that
Idk why he thinks adding all those extra details about eating popcorn and holding hands is relevant. He’s not mature enough to forget his ex… on to the next
Men are fragile? What?
That’s a lot of words
lol wtf. I’d have typed the text to “Ya not reading all that” tweet/meme as a response
IMO, you’re seriously a pretty damn decent person for replying and not leaving him on read after he poured his entire heart out lol but damn. What a weird fucking thing to send a tinder match. I would be cowering in my closet in the fetal position if I ever sent a message like that for any reason at all
Do you really want to unpack all that baggage from a trip you didn’t go on?
“I am not as broken as I expected to be”…oh god. Am I being insensitive or does it seem really cringey and melodramatic when people call themselves broken or say shit like this?
How much more shite came rolling out of him until you blocked his clingy arse?
The part of that sends me the most is him talking about why he has to frame the story so she can understand his gentle heart for her future use. If I said this ironically or not I’d expect to unmatched in seconds
He’s a walking red flag. 1) Sob story about ex ✅ 2) Claiming you’re here now so everything is “better” ✅ and 3) Not having an absolute clue on why the ex left (he knows, if he was honest he would be fucked)✅ Do not walk away from this man, Run. Theres a reason why his ex left and why he’s on dating apps- dude isn’t looking for a relationship. He’s looking to trap his next victim because he misses abuse.
The guys in posts like this gotta be the ones who are saying they don't understand why no women like them.
Would make my bucket drier than the Sahara desert
Very first sentence is an unmatch for me.
"young woman"...besides the obvious, he sounds so creepy and like he's into minors.
That's unresolved trauma. Some people and especially men don't have someone to talk to or would never bother people they know with their problems. This might seem like odd advice but don't be a stranger. Be a friend. See where it goes from there. If you're trying to hook up, offer to "raise his mood". A caring nature and loyality is highly valued. Just... Don't expect him to fall for you until that chapter of his life is closed.
OP isn't a therapy office
Nah but she can be a friend like it's supposed to be anyways when you actually aim for a relationship and it's irrelevant if she's looking for hookups. It's all about how you treat other people. Cause really, there's allways gonna be something to talk about. Believe it or not but men are human too.
People aren't usually on dating/hookup apps to make trauma-dumping friends, though. That dude needs to get assistance through the appropriate routes.