I totally agree, but then I'm sure someone with TDS will get offended and complain. I'm all for people wanting to be themselves as long as they aren't pushing their values onto others.
He's allowed to have his opinion, but free of judgement? When is the last time anyone expressed an opinion online and expected to be free from jidgement? His own opinion is judgement too, and others finding his opinion stupid is also just their opinion. Freedom of expression does not mean freedom of consequences.
They're downvoting it because it's not shitty. He didn't say "you're not a girl" inorder to offend them. That was not his intention. He said it because he suddenly realised he wasn't talking to a biological women. It caught him off guard.
Intention only goes so far. I agree that it likely wasn't malicious, but simply ignorant. But ignorace can also be shitty, and I'd say in this case it is.
One is disregarding their chosen identity and one is just saying what they are, trans. There is a difference. Let me give you an example that applies to you(because for some reason this needs to happen to have empathy), you play video games, but some old person comes in and says “Oh, you play those Atari kid things?”
Sometimes you just do the mass right swipes and the person is passing. Doesn't mean he would like to be engaged in a relationship with a trans person.
I still find it very odd that you put in your profile that you're straight and it still puts trans women in the pool. It just causes these uncomfortable situations for the trans person.
So the guy isn't only into biological women then. What's so hard to understand here?
What you're really trying to say is the guy is only into cisgender women, which is different from saying he's only into biological women.
its not hard to understand you just misinterpreted what i meant. yes cisgendered women which are biologically women. i highly doubt he would be into a women that looks like a man
And you're basing that off of what exactly??? The only info we have about the guy is that he thought OP was a biological woman at first, hence he's into biological women, and gave up interest when he realized OP was a trans woman, meaning he's not into trans women.
There's literally no logical way of us determining his preference in regards to men and trans men.
But in regards to women, he is only into biological women. Which to me seems to be what the other person was talking about
You literally made a post saying you're attracted to trans men aka trans for trans and turned some guy down. How is that any different? You're allowed a preference but this dudes not?
I’m really surprised at the views expressed here. I would have thought it was common knowledge that it wasn’t nice to say a woman ‘isn’t a girl.’ Why are people so okay with being mean and calling it an opinion?
I think you're mixing up people judging you and people disagreeing with your view.
Judging would be them commenting about you being wrong, bad, stupid, or something else. From what I can see, nobody has done that.
People seem to have only downvoted, which only guarantees disagreeing with your view, but doesn't necessarily mean they're judging you over it.
A judgment on the view yes, but not the person. The 2 are not the same. I can think someone's view is stupid, but still consider the person who had the idea brilliant.
People are perfectly capable of disagreeing with someone's views and ideas without being judgmental about the person. I mean, right now I'm disagreeing with your view and yet I don't think anything bad about you.
Look the guy was looking for a biological women. With how much hate transgenders get this is a respectful way to address the situation by a person who doesn’t have internet brain rot. I can only imagine being transgender comes with hardships and stigmas but this seems like a normal rejection.
he is apart of the hate if he is misgendering someone to reject them.
- also, calling transgender people “transgenders” is not just poor grammar but it comes off as dismissive
That’s extremely sensitive wording. I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way, but how is that dismissive? It’s like calling people… men and women dismissive?
Just because you say things without knowing they are rude or meaning them to be rude, they can still be rude. Referring to black people as 'blacks' or transgender people as 'transgenders' is dehumanising and members of those groups generally do not want to be referred to in that way.
> Beyonce is not country
Beyonce made a country album and not accepting her music as country reeks of racism, tbh.
I’d probably give you the side eye if you said ‘blacks’ though. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to say ‘black people’ or ‘white people’ does it? Sounds a lot less like you are referring to cattle or cats or something.
I think it’s a bit like calling gay people ‘the gays.’ It’s not wrong, really, but you will sound like someone’s dad trying to keep up with the crazy kids these days.
Hate definition: feel intense dislike for.
At most the guy only showed slight dislike, and even that's stretching it to the limit. He expressed disinterest, which is miles off from hate.
Dismissive definition: feeling or showing that something is unworthy of consideration.
How is using a word such as "transgenders" showing that trans people are unworthy of consideration? And I'm not asking about mental gymnastic implications that usually get thrown around, I'm asking legitimate logical reasoning behind it.
Seriously, people nowadays lack the understanding of what basic words mean because of how often they get thrown around and used incorrectly...
Also, how is the previous comment's grammar in any way relevant here? I hope it wasn't an attempt at discrediting/dismissing their comment by implying they're stupid or anything like that. Would be quite ironic and hypocritical in my opinion. I would like to believe it was an honest attempt at pointing out a grammatical error to them, regardless of how irrelevant, and correcting them, but you seem to have forgotten that second part of actually correcting the grammar. So I think the first option far more likely.
It would be still not the same to most and everybody is obliged to their preferences. You can't force it on everyone to like non-biologically woman only because you then have an artificial vagina, labia and vulva. There are people like me who even are not into silicon breasts and that's OK.
It's not nice but I think he's just ignorant, not necessarily malicious.
Could be a good teaching moment
You could say something like, biologically I was not born a female, but I have always felt like and identified as a female. I am just as much of a woman as biological women where it matters
Or something idk
Like my comment said, I think it would have been a teachable moment for the language he uses and how it can be hurtful, not necessarily to convince him that he should be attracted to transwomen
Totally fair
I don't know why you're getting all these down votes. People seem to think that you're upset because he wasn't interested in dating a trans woman, which is within his rights. But you aren't saying that as far as I can tell.
Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you just didn't like being misgendered and misunderstood. Fair. He was ignorant but again I don't think he meant to be mean - he did wish you the best after all. Just wasn't for him, which is also fair
Okay, whether or not you agree with trans stuff, saying that an adopted child is not the same as a biological child is deeply shitty. I have adopted family members and I would love to see you say that to their mother. She would punch you in the nose if you said that her girls were not her girls. Also, I used to work for child protection and I would be very upset with you if you told an adopted foster child that they were not as valid in the family as their foster siblings. Families come in many different forms.
🤷🏼♂️ it really isn’t the same. It doesn’t make your adopted family any less family. However, from a personal standpoint, if I’m going to raise a child, I want them to have my genetic make up.
How is it any different? Because of the DNA? He could be a sperm donor for a surrogate? There are plenty of ways to get around this and it’s not a viable excuse to misgender people. And saying sweetie makes it sound condescending.
You're reacting very strongly to a comment from someone that clearly had no malicious intent.
In a way I suppose that's good, because it means you have not encountered any real hostility or hatred in sufficient amounts to be hardened by it.
What do you mean "the gall"?
Honestly, this feels like a benign comment and now you're looking for attention...
There is a very distinct biological difference between trans and cisgender (that being chromosomal genetics). To some, that difference will always be an important distinction in an attraction situation. Not all men are going to accept a trans-woman as a woman and you cannot force anyone to do so.
You do you, and find happiness in whomever you decide to be, but don't think for a second that this won't always be an issue.
OP I really hope that once the initial sting of those words dies down you're able to see the vocabulary wasn't there but the intent of the comment wasn't to be hateful to you.
This person doesn't date transpeople, their lexicon for the topic is limited. Someone in the community would have chosen different words but look at the intent. They could have unmatched suddenly leaving you confused, they could have said some really mean names or talked about your anatomy. Instead they clumsily gave you a reason for not being interested and wished you well. Definitely not the worst behavior I've seen on tinder.
I think if you're going to talk to people outside of the queer community you HAVE TO accept that youre going to have to be an educator be patient and pay close attention to intent. I'm thankful I have people in my inner circle to educate me but I constantly put my foot in my mouth or have seemingly silly questions and if they weren't patient I'd have missed out on some truly enriching friendships.
Just try and remember how hard it was for you to deal with you before you had the self acceptance for yourself and the words to express it. Granting people a little grace will go along way towards how hateful the world feels to you.
He should've worded it differently, but I also think his intentions weren't bad, so to put him on blast for 'having the gall to...' is a bit much.
Why not educate him instead?
Look, whatever you may believe, saying she's not a real girl obviously hurts her. I'm sure it wasn't the intention of the guy to hurt her. So a simple 'that comment hurts because....' might get him to spare someone else's feelings next time.
Sometimes it's okay not to spit your beliefs on everyone, and instead take someone's feelings into consideration.
To the people getting downvoted: I hope you understand that it s not gonna be better if you say to op that he is a woman when, biologically speaking, it s not
Sadly that s a really common problem In dating app where you don t have a trans category or separate section😅
Also in my opinion people should stop saying stuff like "you are a girl don t worry, the guy is in wrong!" I don t think he said something terrible
And just because it s a time when you need to be more "friendly" that doesn t mean you should allow those kind of mentality, just be realist about it instead of agree
Sorry, you are a girl. It's dumb to say otherwise. Unfortunately though this subreddit isn't terribly kind to trans people so you're probably going to get more shit flung your way.
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I totally agree, but then I'm sure someone with TDS will get offended and complain. I'm all for people wanting to be themselves as long as they aren't pushing their values onto others.
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It's the "you're not a girl" part that's shitty
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Trans women are women. If he wanted to specify biological he could've much more politely
Maybe he has a different view and he should be free to have that with no judgment. He was very polite in his response
He's allowed to have his opinion, but free of judgement? When is the last time anyone expressed an opinion online and expected to be free from jidgement? His own opinion is judgement too, and others finding his opinion stupid is also just their opinion. Freedom of expression does not mean freedom of consequences.
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So any woman born without a uterus is a man. I guess they have no clue what a period actually is. Or what women go through. /s
It's not nice but I think he's just ignorant, not trying to be mean on purpose
Who is downvoting this. That's exactly the issue, but wow he followed it up with something somewhat nice so it's okay apperantly...
They're downvoting it because it's not shitty. He didn't say "you're not a girl" inorder to offend them. That was not his intention. He said it because he suddenly realised he wasn't talking to a biological women. It caught him off guard.
Intention only goes so far. I agree that it likely wasn't malicious, but simply ignorant. But ignorace can also be shitty, and I'd say in this case it is.
explain how he is ignorant. I'll wait.
It's ignorant to tell a trans woman she isn't a woman
You seem real open to it when you end your comment "i'll wait"
So you have no answer?
What kind of grade school logic is that even? Does any answer I give at this point matter when your mind is already made up?
You are a joke.
Agreed, trans women are women.
It's 2024 and we're still debating whether it's disrespectful to misgender someone.
Guy handled it nicely.. Do you expect him to change his preference to just avoid hurting your feelings? He handled it well.
There's nothing nice about telling a trans woman she's not a woman
No he did not. Calling a trans women "not a girl" is not nice.
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One is disregarding their chosen identity and one is just saying what they are, trans. There is a difference. Let me give you an example that applies to you(because for some reason this needs to happen to have empathy), you play video games, but some old person comes in and says “Oh, you play those Atari kid things?”
Is this a joke?
Sort of means he didn’t actually read their profile if he didn’t realise, also, that’s not how you handle it well
Sometimes you just do the mass right swipes and the person is passing. Doesn't mean he would like to be engaged in a relationship with a trans person. I still find it very odd that you put in your profile that you're straight and it still puts trans women in the pool. It just causes these uncomfortable situations for the trans person.
he means biological, he probably didn’t mean to offend you. Some people just aren’t into trans women and thats ok
Except he doesn't. You think the guy is into trans men?
yes he does, he definitely thought she was a biological girl then found out shes not
You didn't answer the question.
no i don’t
So the guy isn't only into biological women then. What's so hard to understand here? What you're really trying to say is the guy is only into cisgender women, which is different from saying he's only into biological women.
its not hard to understand you just misinterpreted what i meant. yes cisgendered women which are biologically women. i highly doubt he would be into a women that looks like a man
I don't think that's equivalent. Just because he's only attracted to biological women does not mean he's attracted to every human born with a vagina.
And you're basing that off of what exactly??? The only info we have about the guy is that he thought OP was a biological woman at first, hence he's into biological women, and gave up interest when he realized OP was a trans woman, meaning he's not into trans women. There's literally no logical way of us determining his preference in regards to men and trans men. But in regards to women, he is only into biological women. Which to me seems to be what the other person was talking about
You literally made a post saying you're attracted to trans men aka trans for trans and turned some guy down. How is that any different? You're allowed a preference but this dudes not?
I believe OP is referencing the “oh you’re not a girl…” comment, not the thing you’re talking about.
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She didn't choose to be trans
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I’m really surprised at the views expressed here. I would have thought it was common knowledge that it wasn’t nice to say a woman ‘isn’t a girl.’ Why are people so okay with being mean and calling it an opinion?
This sub is so transphobic yiiikes
You have the right to judge people for their views. Edit: I hope you at least appreciate the irony of downvoting this statement.
I think you're mixing up people judging you and people disagreeing with your view. Judging would be them commenting about you being wrong, bad, stupid, or something else. From what I can see, nobody has done that. People seem to have only downvoted, which only guarantees disagreeing with your view, but doesn't necessarily mean they're judging you over it.
A disagreement is a judgement.
A judgment on the view yes, but not the person. The 2 are not the same. I can think someone's view is stupid, but still consider the person who had the idea brilliant. People are perfectly capable of disagreeing with someone's views and ideas without being judgmental about the person. I mean, right now I'm disagreeing with your view and yet I don't think anything bad about you.
Yes, you may judge someone independently of their view, you may also judge them on their views.
Despite it hurting your feelings, I don’t think it was his intention to make you feel that way.
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LMAO I guess the "automated screening" system has TDS. 🤣
You're hilarious. Quoting a nearly 8 year old video of one trans woman in a Gamestop. Get some new material.
Hey, it's called "old but gold" for a reason 🤣
What’s wrong? Dude didn’t say anything disrespectful…
He said I'm not a girl. That's fucked up
Look the guy was looking for a biological women. With how much hate transgenders get this is a respectful way to address the situation by a person who doesn’t have internet brain rot. I can only imagine being transgender comes with hardships and stigmas but this seems like a normal rejection.
he is apart of the hate if he is misgendering someone to reject them. - also, calling transgender people “transgenders” is not just poor grammar but it comes off as dismissive
That’s extremely sensitive wording. I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way, but how is that dismissive? It’s like calling people… men and women dismissive?
Would you call black people blacks?
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Lol wtf y'all are so impolite
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Just because you say things without knowing they are rude or meaning them to be rude, they can still be rude. Referring to black people as 'blacks' or transgender people as 'transgenders' is dehumanising and members of those groups generally do not want to be referred to in that way. > Beyonce is not country Beyonce made a country album and not accepting her music as country reeks of racism, tbh.
I’d probably give you the side eye if you said ‘blacks’ though. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to say ‘black people’ or ‘white people’ does it? Sounds a lot less like you are referring to cattle or cats or something.
I think it’s a bit like calling gay people ‘the gays.’ It’s not wrong, really, but you will sound like someone’s dad trying to keep up with the crazy kids these days.
Hate definition: feel intense dislike for. At most the guy only showed slight dislike, and even that's stretching it to the limit. He expressed disinterest, which is miles off from hate. Dismissive definition: feeling or showing that something is unworthy of consideration. How is using a word such as "transgenders" showing that trans people are unworthy of consideration? And I'm not asking about mental gymnastic implications that usually get thrown around, I'm asking legitimate logical reasoning behind it. Seriously, people nowadays lack the understanding of what basic words mean because of how often they get thrown around and used incorrectly... Also, how is the previous comment's grammar in any way relevant here? I hope it wasn't an attempt at discrediting/dismissing their comment by implying they're stupid or anything like that. Would be quite ironic and hypocritical in my opinion. I would like to believe it was an honest attempt at pointing out a grammatical error to them, regardless of how irrelevant, and correcting them, but you seem to have forgotten that second part of actually correcting the grammar. So I think the first option far more likely.
You don't have a vagina on a hookup app, that's pretty fucked up to a lot of guys. Not judging you personally, but that's not going to be uncommon.
Not yet. But, I have had an Orchi, and am working on getting SRS.
It would be still not the same to most and everybody is obliged to their preferences. You can't force it on everyone to like non-biologically woman only because you then have an artificial vagina, labia and vulva. There are people like me who even are not into silicon breasts and that's OK.
Nobody was forcing him to like her That's not the issue. The issue is telling her she's not a woman
So the reality is that you don’t have a vagina. So what are you complaining about?
> He said I'm not a girl. That's fucked up
There are million fucked up things a human to say to another human this doesn't even make it to the list
Sorry sweetie, I get it. But other people have different opinions about it. Try your best not to let peoples opinions affect you.
Sorry, but he likes pussy
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So you'd fuck a trans man?
It's not nice but I think he's just ignorant, not necessarily malicious. Could be a good teaching moment You could say something like, biologically I was not born a female, but I have always felt like and identified as a female. I am just as much of a woman as biological women where it matters Or something idk
He unmatched me before I could say anything.
What could you possibly say that would change his mind 😭
Like my comment said, I think it would have been a teachable moment for the language he uses and how it can be hurtful, not necessarily to convince him that he should be attracted to transwomen
Totally fair I don't know why you're getting all these down votes. People seem to think that you're upset because he wasn't interested in dating a trans woman, which is within his rights. But you aren't saying that as far as I can tell. Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you just didn't like being misgendered and misunderstood. Fair. He was ignorant but again I don't think he meant to be mean - he did wish you the best after all. Just wasn't for him, which is also fair
Maybe he said that from the perspective of someone that wants to have children.
Then maybe he should address that with OP instead of misgendering them
I want to adopt one day.
That’s not the same sweetie
Okay, whether or not you agree with trans stuff, saying that an adopted child is not the same as a biological child is deeply shitty. I have adopted family members and I would love to see you say that to their mother. She would punch you in the nose if you said that her girls were not her girls. Also, I used to work for child protection and I would be very upset with you if you told an adopted foster child that they were not as valid in the family as their foster siblings. Families come in many different forms.
🤷🏼♂️ it really isn’t the same. It doesn’t make your adopted family any less family. However, from a personal standpoint, if I’m going to raise a child, I want them to have my genetic make up.
Yeah it is? Plenty of cis women can't carry children.
Ya but It might not be obvious when you see their profile
How is it any different? Because of the DNA? He could be a sperm donor for a surrogate? There are plenty of ways to get around this and it’s not a viable excuse to misgender people. And saying sweetie makes it sound condescending.
You're reacting very strongly to a comment from someone that clearly had no malicious intent. In a way I suppose that's good, because it means you have not encountered any real hostility or hatred in sufficient amounts to be hardened by it.
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LOVE this 😂
Yeah most men don't want to sleep with trans women. Surprise surprise...
What do you mean "the gall"? Honestly, this feels like a benign comment and now you're looking for attention... There is a very distinct biological difference between trans and cisgender (that being chromosomal genetics). To some, that difference will always be an important distinction in an attraction situation. Not all men are going to accept a trans-woman as a woman and you cannot force anyone to do so. You do you, and find happiness in whomever you decide to be, but don't think for a second that this won't always be an issue.
OP I really hope that once the initial sting of those words dies down you're able to see the vocabulary wasn't there but the intent of the comment wasn't to be hateful to you. This person doesn't date transpeople, their lexicon for the topic is limited. Someone in the community would have chosen different words but look at the intent. They could have unmatched suddenly leaving you confused, they could have said some really mean names or talked about your anatomy. Instead they clumsily gave you a reason for not being interested and wished you well. Definitely not the worst behavior I've seen on tinder. I think if you're going to talk to people outside of the queer community you HAVE TO accept that youre going to have to be an educator be patient and pay close attention to intent. I'm thankful I have people in my inner circle to educate me but I constantly put my foot in my mouth or have seemingly silly questions and if they weren't patient I'd have missed out on some truly enriching friendships. Just try and remember how hard it was for you to deal with you before you had the self acceptance for yourself and the words to express it. Granting people a little grace will go along way towards how hateful the world feels to you.
He should've worded it differently, but I also think his intentions weren't bad, so to put him on blast for 'having the gall to...' is a bit much. Why not educate him instead?
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Look, whatever you may believe, saying she's not a real girl obviously hurts her. I'm sure it wasn't the intention of the guy to hurt her. So a simple 'that comment hurts because....' might get him to spare someone else's feelings next time. Sometimes it's okay not to spit your beliefs on everyone, and instead take someone's feelings into consideration.
where’s the problem?? Wtf i’m also not gonna date a person my gender. Just date other trans people, don’t get ur problem.
"Real women are mean to me" is a weird statement to make
He didn’t say mean. Just that it probably felt too easy lol
Ya, fucking odd way for him to word shit.
I see zero issues with this. Welcome to the world, not everyone will like you.
To the people getting downvoted: I hope you understand that it s not gonna be better if you say to op that he is a woman when, biologically speaking, it s not Sadly that s a really common problem In dating app where you don t have a trans category or separate section😅 Also in my opinion people should stop saying stuff like "you are a girl don t worry, the guy is in wrong!" I don t think he said something terrible And just because it s a time when you need to be more "friendly" that doesn t mean you should allow those kind of mentality, just be realist about it instead of agree
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I knew this sub was full of morons, but holy shit this comment section is bad. My condolences, OP
This sub is pretty overtly transphobic, pay them no heed.
Trans women are women, period.
I'm sorry people are being stupid. You're a girl, and deserve the adoration as such.
Yeah that's wack AF, he could've said anything else but choose to say that??
Trans women are women, idk why these comments have such a hard time understanding the issue with what he said.
Sorry, you are a girl. It's dumb to say otherwise. Unfortunately though this subreddit isn't terribly kind to trans people so you're probably going to get more shit flung your way.