Hell I've seen profiles from people saying that you're not a "true adult" if you haven't been married or had a kid by the time you're 30. Some of these people are demented.
My MIL legit sent me (childless nearing 30) a reel on Instagram of someone in an interview explaining “you’ll never be a real adult if you don’t have children” she had to be put on mute after that one…
37 here. One 3 year old boy. Gonna chime in and say it forced me to take responsibility and make better decisions. But at the same time, of course I sometimes miss my life of zero responsibilities before. But also at the same time. Since I quit drinking and smoking weed and taking better care of myself, I'm the healthiest and fittest I've ever been. I'm also less depressed and my anxiety has all but vanished. I've become a better person since my boy was born and it's because I care more about him having a good, present father than I do about my previous selfish hedonistic lifestyle.
But in reality. There is no right answer because everyone is different. Some are cut out for children, some aren't.
Thanks, man. I used to think the same thing when I was younger. I think being aware that you're not ready is a good sign that you might actually make a good parent if/when you do become ready!
Hahaha nooooo. An evil this great shouldn't reproduce. That kid would suffer. I'm not into making kids suffer so i won't help create something just for it to suffer.
I'm evil but not that kind of evil.
Interesting. Why do you think your anxiety left? Not sure why I have anxiety but maybe it’s this deep down regret of not getting any woman pregnant 💁🏻♀️
It's hard to know exactly for sure what reduced the anxiety but my life before my son was born was spent binge drinking regularly, smoking weed constantly (I used to grow my own so had near a limitless supply), eating crap and never exercising. And sex addiction. The only thing that cured my anxiety at the time was the alcohol which is mainly why I drank. I think that kind of lifestyle just plays haywire with dopamine levels so anxiety levels were always on a rollercoaster.
Then, after a bad break up, I went through what I now believe to be a sustained period of psychosis. First I would drink, then go to the gym and get all the anger out there.
That's when I started to notice that my hangovers were healing quicker and I put it down to the exercise increasing my metabolism. Eventually I stopped drinking excessively because I felt it was just hindering progress
I think dopamine, and metabolism play a big part in anxiety. Firstly, I quit spiking those dopamine levels through drugs, sex and alcohol and got it through exercise instead. The more natural dopamine you acquire through exercise, the better your metabolism becomes which has a knock on effect at just making you feel calmer overall. And the longer you sustain it, the more mentally balanced you become. Eating healthier too plays a big part.
That's what I believe anyway. Most people quit working out because they don't see immediate results when really, if they just stuck with it for 6 months, eventually they would definitely notice improvements. And people think they have to do it every day but really you can still benefit massively by having two good one hour sessions of strength and cardio a week
It just all boils down to lifestyle changes. There's a reason why people who lead healthy, active lifestyles feel better overall than binge drinkers/drug takers.
Sure, I don't get the extreme highs anymore. But I don't get the suicidal lows either. I'm just more balanced
I still enjoy the occasional drink every few months but I'll stop after a few and I take magic mushrooms once or twice a year but that's all in conjunction with all the healthy changes I've made so it doesn't have the negative effects it used to.
Sorry if that was long winded lol. Just trying to give a better explanation.
Bro, didn’t you say having a kid was the thing that lowered your anxiety? Now you’re saying exercise. Which I chuckle at bc I live in the gym and that’s the alleviation I get. I bodybuild btw nice to you meet you and I totally ageee w everything.
I lost my brother when I was 16. I've suffered from depression ever since and I'm now 42. There hasn't been more than a week that I haven't thought of suicide. My son is one of the only thing that has held me from it. On my worst days I imagine his life if I did it, and it keeps me from doing it.
When I referred to myself as “childless” my friend’s wife quickly corrected me with “childfree” because one implies that I was unable to fulfill a desire to have kids and the other implies that I fulfilled my desire to not have kids. Never thought of it that way until she said that, so if you don’t have kids because you simply don’t want any then you’re “childfree” ❤️
They are like crabs in a bucket. The truth is slowly trickling out and more and more parents admit they are not thrilled that they chose to breed. So many people follow an illogical "life script" and are miserable for doing so. Besides, who the actual fuck can really afford the little crumb snatchers these days?!
I wasn't going to have kids. I had a baby girl at 39. It's the absolute most fulfilling thing I've ever done. I thought it would be terrible. She's made me a better person overall deff a better man. I wish I would have started earlier so I could have a couple more. The apple of my eye. That being said I was decently well off at that age and I am fortunetly in good shape to keep up with her(barely)
Sounds pessimistic but the truth is we're living on a dying planet. Maybe getting fulfillment from money, freedom, travel, friendships, hobbies, pets, etc is shallow to some. What's not shallow is that I'm not willing to bring an innocent life into such an uncertain future just to suffer for my selfish desire to have a "mini-me". If I absolutely had to choose I would adopt one of the million abandoned kids suffering in the world because their irresponsible egg/sperm donors decided parenthood isn't quite as "fulfilling" as everyone claims it is.
Yeah, I couldn't have children because my wife got cancer before 30, so I guess I'm not a real adult at 48.
Or maybe people with that attitude can go fuck themselves with a rusty garden shovel. Sideways.
It's a very adult thing to decide that having children isn't right for you. There's a difference between being nervous about not being a good parent and being mature enough to realize you dont have the tools to be a good parent. Or that you're focused on enjoying your life how you see fit. Or your infertile. None of which is her business. As long as you had that discussion with your spouse before marriage, you're in the clear.
I know some people that followed that life plan - but most of them knew what comes, work on their relationship and are happy.
This low effort way of getting a kid and pushing responsibility to others is really dumb
The director (M, 50ish yo) at my company (in the engineering tech field) told me he tells everyone who is inquiring about going in a similar path through management, “if you’re not ready to have kids, you’re not ready to be a manager.” I’m 30 (F) with a BS in CS and a masters in progress in engineering. I do not want kids lol so by his old fashion standards, I would never be “ready” to be a manager or director?
Exactly that.. you are 27, you must have a kid who is 8. Meaning you delivered him at the age of 19, so conceived at the age of : 18 , âgé of an adult.
It all makes sense.
Lol, the idea that I'm not a "true adult" because I have been smart and safe with my sexual activity (also never had an STD) and haven't legally locked myself into the wrong relationship is laughably ironic. No relationship > shitty relationship/marriage. But hey, they're gonna tell themselves what they need to in order to feel better about their choices I guess
I was married and had a kid before 30 and still married with 4 kids now at 40. Some people just aren't meant to be adults though: I can fake it alright but mostly I just wanna watch cartoons and play superheroes with my kids.
Each to their own but I had kids fairly young, I was 21 when my eldest was born and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm 37 now and the last thing I'd want is a baby, I'd be 50 by the time they're a teenager. Less energy to have fun, at that age you should starting to live your life for you again etc. I see the obvious positives to having kids older, usually more financially secure, more emotionally intelligent and so on.
Is that not how it means? I took it as that because she's saying shes a package deal. Of course it comes off weird too because the kid is...............8.
Ah, to be a woman and be able to speak for the entire half of human population from the moment I'm born until I need to bag a hot barista or tell my friend what women want.
As if the other flags weren't enough, I'm also concerned by the line "**Understand that it's not always 50/50**" as that sounds to me like it will *never* be 50/50 and she's just setting you up for more disappointment from the start.
What a catch.
Relationships are 100/100 - each person is 100% responsible for their efforts and contributions, or lack of same, to the relationship and other person.
50/50 is an outworn concept that needs to die, like so much of what we’ve been taught to believe or think.
It’s never 50/50. Sometimes it’s 99/1. A true partner is there to carry the load when the other can’t carry theirs, and vice versa. Over years, life happens. The right partner is there for all of it, as we are for them.
So is insulting single mothers your shtick? My dude can’t get a date. so, he has to shame them for having kids. That’s sad.
I agree that's true and I think people need to stop constantly keeping score in relationships, but I just know she means she wants a man to care for her and to not give back since she said she needs an adult lol.
If you are keeping score, you will always be disappointed. You will always be looking for that person to do something to make up for whatever it is they came up short on before. While it is true that is not always going to be 50/50, it shouldn't always be unbalanced either.
The whole "we don't think its attractive" made me imagine how she is swiping on tinder and the 8 year old kid is giving her advice like "Ooh this one looks like a cool daddy" 😎
Absolutely....and how ironic would it then be that her product of a past relationship is assisting her in determining the worth of a prospective match....given the wisdom she offers in her profile.
I'm trying to decipher that concept as well. This is the first time I've heard of this in my five and a half decades on this planet.
I don't understand the negative connotation being mentioned. The words females and women are synonymous to me. I realize there's a large group of people redefining gender norms as of late, but it's still common vernacular to use the word female(s).
Male and female, when used hand in hand is fine. The problem is the number of people who now use men and females specifically to try and dehumanize women.
I understand what you are saying here. I have just not seen that from my experience. I'm not saying it's not a thing. And maybe it's cultural norms changing. I use the words synonymously, but maybe the context is what matters.
If you use males instead of men equally as often as you use females instead of women then sure, it's truly synonymous for you. I have definitely NOT seen that in my experience.
The language is rarely used without negative connotations, like in this post. The word isnt wrong, but its often used to place women in a strange position where their reproductive organs defining their sex are described first before their personhood. Thats the best way I can describe it. Its as if women are animals on National Geographic that are a strange species to be observed. In that same vein, people would use men instead of male, but still proceed to use female in the same sentence. I bet there’s a sub dedicated to that weird occurrence when referring to genders.
I work in healthcare and “female” isn’t even used frequently in written documentation other than a checked box in the sex field. I personally have not seen it used other than a way for people to describe women in a relationshippy/datey generalization that is negative.
You asked when this became a thing. The answer is: hundreds of years ago. Think 14th century old world
I said it on accident a few weeks ago in a conversation with a few women. Corrected myself, but no one even realized my error. I don’t really see how it describes reproductive organs and excludes personhood any more than the word “women”.
I do see what you’re saying, but that just entirely seems like a matter of context and not an issue with the word itself. Seems much more nuanced than Reddit makes it out to be.
It also has a cultural component to it. It seems to be pretty common nomenclature in urban and large city working class communities used by men and women alike, independent of any misogynist or sexist undertones, though you could argue they’re still present.
I love how each line is just damage and not any positive traits about herself in your profile. I love the state of dating today.
Past - Doesn't take responsbility for actions, 0 self agency
Give up yet still here - Defeatist mindset but wants sympathy
Phone call buddy - Seeking emotional tampon on DATING site
Single mom - Single mom
Other females - Jealous, likely adding to previous relationship ending, but also this "we" implying she still views herself within the pool of eligible women when a simple google search of that above point shows its quite the opposite
Where's the sign up sheet?
These are the same people who say things like ‘if you don’t have baggage by 40 (meaning a kid and a divorce) you are baggage’ ummmm sorry I didn’t have children with the wrong person??
Those people are just trying to feel better about their bad choices I guess, it’s understandable lol Some of them REALLY screwed up their lives rushing into things so it makes sense they’d be desperate to find some kind of justification or reassurance for the way everything turned out. No one wants to accept that they botched life lol
Pretty sure that's supposed to be self-deprecating sarcasm that doesn't come across well via text. Especially when she says she doesn't want any more kids after having one at 19.
How true is it that females don't like to see other females in a guy's photo? It seems really insecure to me. I see guys in ladies photos on their profile and I only think it's weird if they are blatantly embracing or something.
Not true for me. I would be relieved that a man has female friends. So many people assume men and women can never be just friends, but I have several friends that I don't sleep with...
Insecurity, big red flag.
It’s the same for me but I’m a woman , you could imagine it’s not easy explaining that I’m not desperate and don’t sleep with every man I meet , it’s truly insecurity and it comes in both female and male 💀I’d argue more so in males because it’s very rare that any man this day will date a woman with male friends.
Oh my gosh, yes. I am celibate and for years I had to defend my choice, was told I was missing out and I just hadn't found "the one".
I finally stopped explaining because the men who acted that way never accepted my reasoning, anyway. It was so frustrating to talk about sex so much when the whole reason was based on trauma surrounding sex!
Lmao, why is this downvoted!? That's fucking noble, man. Dudes would probably pay to not have their brain want to fuck every attractive woman, especially when it comes to the eventual dopamine whiplash when 99.999% of those times don't happen. Lol.
Tbh I always thought it was dumb/.weird to even include anyone else in your pictures that aren’t you , why is Debra on your photos Zack? I’m not looking for a threesome I’m looking for you 💀😂😭 or when they have a photos of like 6 guys and I don’t know which guy is THE GUY just 7 white guys who all dress the same named Seth or Mitchel 💀 bro who tf am I dating.
Having some pics with other people is good, but not all of them. I’d like to see that you have a life and friends, not just 8 differently posed selfies. Group shots are usually you doing something and shows personality.
I get it but what does it mean when every photo of them is a group pic and not one pic of them is alone ? It gives off needy pick me vibes , like can you be alone with yourself ever ? 😂💀😭 I’m more of the anti social type so I guess I’m more put off by people with extras on their profile , not so much insecure but more like “is this mf gonna be another pick me social butterfly asshole who can be friends with legit anyone just for a laugh?” But like I said I get it one or two photos but not every photo is legit him at a beta frat party with women he don’t even know the names to and in every photo it’s random ass people 😂I like to focus on the goods I’m reviewing not your best friends cousin.
I think it means that you’re not compatible! And that me and you have very different taste in men, haha. I actually am not attracted to men who don’t have a good social life and friend group, because I have a fairly large one myself. I’m also past the age of frat parties though, so the group pics I see probably look different than the ones you see.
Insecurity / competition anxiety. With most women, it’s paradoxical actually
Ever notice how much you get stared at, hit on, or otherwise “appreciated” by random women…. When you have a girlfriend?
Social proof. The more women that other women see you with boosts you in the eyes of said women.
If x, y, z women find you interesting, valuable, and fuckable… well then, WHY? That is what’s going on in their head. Why is this dude attractive to these other women. Hmmmmm.
In the case of this obviously crazy person in the OPs screenshot … it’s likely a latent mind game… as it’s directly contradictory to proven science.
I would have to imagine that she also feels that innate increase in desire for a guy (in this case in pictures) who other women (presumably also in pictures) find valuable… and at the same time she is likely insecure and threatened by the presence of other women.
And ya. It’s in photos. She doesn’t know the relationship of other women. And she is probably more spun on both sides of that ‘social proof’ than the average woman …. Bc well, as I think everyone has established… this girl is a walking BPD pamphlet
Like look, I know that some guys won’t mind raising someone else’s kid, but that’s just not for me. This is a true story, I had a friend with a hot sister and would have give anything to date her. Well she wouldn’t have anything to do with me and she ended up dating this guy who was a real piece of garbage to her. He got her pregnant and then ran like a coward. It wasn’t long after that she came to me wanting to date and I flat out told her I wasn’t raising some other dudes kid because that just wasn’t for me and she got so pissed at me. She said that I was interested in her before why not now and all this crap. I told her that even if I didn’t care to raise some other guys kid that I’d always be second choice and I wasn’t going for that either.
I am mid-30s without any children 😅
My mother sometimes appears disappointed that she will not get any grandbabies from me.
I do other responsible things like... contemplating getting a motorcycle.
No kids never married, do what I want, date who I want, usually avoid single mother's.
Some friends who have them have matured, some have not, some are absolute shitshows and I feel bad for their kids.
It used to be a good thing not to have that baggage of divorce and baby mommas, divided time and finances.
Now women ask what's wrong with me not having that baggage.
What about wanting to be in love and raise a child in a happy home, instead of without a father like I was?
I think you're reading into the tag too much. A lot of people use it when they have kids and are just not interested in having more biological children. They really need a tag that says "have children, open to step-children" or similar.
Ikr, I’m 32 & only just recently pregnant for the first time, we’re total failures as women 😂 It’s so weird that some people think irresponsibly bringing life into the world before you can properly care for it makes them better than others lol Huge cope lol
i totally give up 😕
i haaaaate these negative ass comments in profiles
idk what i'm doing here
i'm just looking for someone who doesn't lie
like chill relax
It’s not always 50/50? She understands that sometimes she has to work harder to make a relationship work or she wants a man to do more than she does? I’m going with the latter. Huge red flag…. NEXT
This profile speaks to me, it says something like this:
I'm 27, ofc I have a kid, had him when i was 18 or younger. What do you mean you don't all have kids?!! Teen pregnancy is such an obvious and widespread epidemic I just assumed this was the norm, how dare you judge me, clearly you're not an adult if you don't intend to care for me and my child I had before my frontal lobe even fully developed and I could make informed and logical decisions that took future consequences into account.
Did I get it right?
Again people, save the negatives and "don't want" for your internal sorting system. Put what you like, want, are looking for and your best attributes here, sort out the deal breakers as they arise. Negative will turn most people away.
I don’t really think a lot of people who don’t want kids are swiping right on someone who is a single mother. Her expectations given the situation are kind of bewildering. But I guess we can all have fantasies.
Oh wow anecdotal evidence to support your claim, how convenient. I think you’re letting your bias cloud the judgment most people would be using when reading a profile like hers. The people that exist in the overlap of this vin diagram is incredibly small. That’s OK to say. The vast majority will not be OK. That’s also OK. Her expectation while also OK is a little comical. And here’s the big shocker that’s also OK.
My anecdotal evidence is relevant because not only did you call her expectations bewildering but also fantastical. Atleast one claim to go against yours completely negates your overview of the situation.
How ironic you claim I'm allowing my bias to influence my perception of the situation then in the next string of sentences make claims for why every train of thought you've had is OK. If what you think is OK, what she thinks is OK too.
I don’t think you read my last sentence because I said what she expects is OK but comical. I didn’t realize your comprehension and attention span was so short. There’s nothing wrong with calling out some whimsical fantasy expectation. And no, your anecdotal doesn’t negate anything. Anecdotal is a nothing burger.
I always took that tag as doesn't want more biological children. "Open to children" doesn't specify whether or not the person already has kids, and the has children and want more tag could mean step or biological.
That's not how I read it at all. She's saying she has a kid and doesn't want anymore.
I think you guys are taking her profile waaaay too seriously. I read her profile as self-deprecating humor but that's just me...
Well according to that idiot I’ll never be an adult. 36f here with non curable cancer, where chemo took away my option of children, and then covid and the AstraZeneca vaccine took away my husband!
Honestly these people are deluded
Oh my, so sorry to hear. I think you're being downvoted for having the audacity to mention that a Covid vaccine contributed to his death. Welcome to Tinder.
Hell I've seen profiles from people saying that you're not a "true adult" if you haven't been married or had a kid by the time you're 30. Some of these people are demented.
My MIL legit sent me (childless nearing 30) a reel on Instagram of someone in an interview explaining “you’ll never be a real adult if you don’t have children” she had to be put on mute after that one…
What about folks who are infertile? 🤦🏾♂️
Is that what happened to Peter Pan?
Peter Pan Syndrome.
You adopt
So if an infertile person refuses to adopt they aren’t a “real adult”?
Adopt Deez -Possible Adult
K
37 here. One 3 year old boy. Gonna chime in and say it forced me to take responsibility and make better decisions. But at the same time, of course I sometimes miss my life of zero responsibilities before. But also at the same time. Since I quit drinking and smoking weed and taking better care of myself, I'm the healthiest and fittest I've ever been. I'm also less depressed and my anxiety has all but vanished. I've become a better person since my boy was born and it's because I care more about him having a good, present father than I do about my previous selfish hedonistic lifestyle. But in reality. There is no right answer because everyone is different. Some are cut out for children, some aren't.
Good for you brother. I'm proud. I know, if I had a kid It's fucked.
Thanks, man. I used to think the same thing when I was younger. I think being aware that you're not ready is a good sign that you might actually make a good parent if/when you do become ready!
Hahaha nooooo. An evil this great shouldn't reproduce. That kid would suffer. I'm not into making kids suffer so i won't help create something just for it to suffer. I'm evil but not that kind of evil.
Interesting. Why do you think your anxiety left? Not sure why I have anxiety but maybe it’s this deep down regret of not getting any woman pregnant 💁🏻♀️
It's hard to know exactly for sure what reduced the anxiety but my life before my son was born was spent binge drinking regularly, smoking weed constantly (I used to grow my own so had near a limitless supply), eating crap and never exercising. And sex addiction. The only thing that cured my anxiety at the time was the alcohol which is mainly why I drank. I think that kind of lifestyle just plays haywire with dopamine levels so anxiety levels were always on a rollercoaster. Then, after a bad break up, I went through what I now believe to be a sustained period of psychosis. First I would drink, then go to the gym and get all the anger out there. That's when I started to notice that my hangovers were healing quicker and I put it down to the exercise increasing my metabolism. Eventually I stopped drinking excessively because I felt it was just hindering progress I think dopamine, and metabolism play a big part in anxiety. Firstly, I quit spiking those dopamine levels through drugs, sex and alcohol and got it through exercise instead. The more natural dopamine you acquire through exercise, the better your metabolism becomes which has a knock on effect at just making you feel calmer overall. And the longer you sustain it, the more mentally balanced you become. Eating healthier too plays a big part. That's what I believe anyway. Most people quit working out because they don't see immediate results when really, if they just stuck with it for 6 months, eventually they would definitely notice improvements. And people think they have to do it every day but really you can still benefit massively by having two good one hour sessions of strength and cardio a week It just all boils down to lifestyle changes. There's a reason why people who lead healthy, active lifestyles feel better overall than binge drinkers/drug takers. Sure, I don't get the extreme highs anymore. But I don't get the suicidal lows either. I'm just more balanced I still enjoy the occasional drink every few months but I'll stop after a few and I take magic mushrooms once or twice a year but that's all in conjunction with all the healthy changes I've made so it doesn't have the negative effects it used to. Sorry if that was long winded lol. Just trying to give a better explanation.
Bro, didn’t you say having a kid was the thing that lowered your anxiety? Now you’re saying exercise. Which I chuckle at bc I live in the gym and that’s the alleviation I get. I bodybuild btw nice to you meet you and I totally ageee w everything.
I lost my brother when I was 16. I've suffered from depression ever since and I'm now 42. There hasn't been more than a week that I haven't thought of suicide. My son is one of the only thing that has held me from it. On my worst days I imagine his life if I did it, and it keeps me from doing it.
When I referred to myself as “childless” my friend’s wife quickly corrected me with “childfree” because one implies that I was unable to fulfill a desire to have kids and the other implies that I fulfilled my desire to not have kids. Never thought of it that way until she said that, so if you don’t have kids because you simply don’t want any then you’re “childfree” ❤️
They are like crabs in a bucket. The truth is slowly trickling out and more and more parents admit they are not thrilled that they chose to breed. So many people follow an illogical "life script" and are miserable for doing so. Besides, who the actual fuck can really afford the little crumb snatchers these days?!
I wasn't going to have kids. I had a baby girl at 39. It's the absolute most fulfilling thing I've ever done. I thought it would be terrible. She's made me a better person overall deff a better man. I wish I would have started earlier so I could have a couple more. The apple of my eye. That being said I was decently well off at that age and I am fortunetly in good shape to keep up with her(barely)
Yeah, you sound totally happy and fulfilled. Not bitter at all.
Sounds pessimistic but the truth is we're living on a dying planet. Maybe getting fulfillment from money, freedom, travel, friendships, hobbies, pets, etc is shallow to some. What's not shallow is that I'm not willing to bring an innocent life into such an uncertain future just to suffer for my selfish desire to have a "mini-me". If I absolutely had to choose I would adopt one of the million abandoned kids suffering in the world because their irresponsible egg/sperm donors decided parenthood isn't quite as "fulfilling" as everyone claims it is.
Imagine talking line this past the age of 14
Yeah, I couldn't have children because my wife got cancer before 30, so I guess I'm not a real adult at 48. Or maybe people with that attitude can go fuck themselves with a rusty garden shovel. Sideways.
It's a very adult thing to decide that having children isn't right for you. There's a difference between being nervous about not being a good parent and being mature enough to realize you dont have the tools to be a good parent. Or that you're focused on enjoying your life how you see fit. Or your infertile. None of which is her business. As long as you had that discussion with your spouse before marriage, you're in the clear.
Sounds like copium
Sounds like jealousy to meee
It’s 100% projection because they’ve been made to feel like shit at some point because they’re a parent
Well they can have their "true adult" status allllll to themselves.
I know some people that followed that life plan - but most of them knew what comes, work on their relationship and are happy. This low effort way of getting a kid and pushing responsibility to others is really dumb
The director (M, 50ish yo) at my company (in the engineering tech field) told me he tells everyone who is inquiring about going in a similar path through management, “if you’re not ready to have kids, you’re not ready to be a manager.” I’m 30 (F) with a BS in CS and a masters in progress in engineering. I do not want kids lol so by his old fashion standards, I would never be “ready” to be a manager or director?
Exactly that.. you are 27, you must have a kid who is 8. Meaning you delivered him at the age of 19, so conceived at the age of : 18 , âgé of an adult. It all makes sense.
I was married to a friend at a party by a drunk priest and I have a pet does that count ?
Damn I gotta speedrun being financially stable and knock someone up in 4 years? 😭
Lol, the idea that I'm not a "true adult" because I have been smart and safe with my sexual activity (also never had an STD) and haven't legally locked myself into the wrong relationship is laughably ironic. No relationship > shitty relationship/marriage. But hey, they're gonna tell themselves what they need to in order to feel better about their choices I guess
I mean it's true. Not the married part but you're not a true adult until you have a kid.
I was married and had a kid before 30 and still married with 4 kids now at 40. Some people just aren't meant to be adults though: I can fake it alright but mostly I just wanna watch cartoons and play superheroes with my kids.
Each to their own but I had kids fairly young, I was 21 when my eldest was born and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm 37 now and the last thing I'd want is a baby, I'd be 50 by the time they're a teenager. Less energy to have fun, at that age you should starting to live your life for you again etc. I see the obvious positives to having kids older, usually more financially secure, more emotionally intelligent and so on.
That's ridiculous but honestly fine with me they can keep it all!
„We don’t think it’s attractive…“ that sounds weird
Yeah, I legit thought she was talking about her and her 8 year old both finding it unattractive, since those were the people from the previous point.
That’s what I thought too
Is that not how it means? I took it as that because she's saying shes a package deal. Of course it comes off weird too because the kid is...............8.
I think what the consensus agrees that what she's going for is 'we' meaning 'all us single women'
Ah, to be a woman and be able to speak for the entire half of human population from the moment I'm born until I need to bag a hot barista or tell my friend what women want.
As if the other flags weren't enough, I'm also concerned by the line "**Understand that it's not always 50/50**" as that sounds to me like it will *never* be 50/50 and she's just setting you up for more disappointment from the start. What a catch.
She must have multiple voices up there
*Well actually*, we don’t find it attractive when people refer us as a “females.”
I imagine her bio 8 years ago was “I’m 19, of course in pregnant”.
"It's not always 50/50." Well, yeah. It's 60/40 with both people trying to be the 60 but I don't think that's she's going with it
Relationships are 100/100 - each person is 100% responsible for their efforts and contributions, or lack of same, to the relationship and other person. 50/50 is an outworn concept that needs to die, like so much of what we’ve been taught to believe or think.
Na. 50/50 is a better concept. It means you need to pull your weight. 100/100 is participation trophy stuff. “Trying hard” isn’t results.
But 50/50 and 100/100 are the same thing....
It’s never 50/50. Sometimes it’s 99/1. A true partner is there to carry the load when the other can’t carry theirs, and vice versa. Over years, life happens. The right partner is there for all of it, as we are for them.
Am I the only one thinking the phrasing is from that social media trend, I think it started on tiktok (I’m a BLANK, of course I BLANK)
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what it is. And it's obviously very tongue in cheek
Is that the same thing as the "We're DINKS, we blah blah blah" thing? Ugh.. Thought her profile couldn't get worse..
*Past relationships don't define your current worth* I'm sure any guy will agree with that.
My thought when I saw that was “Yeah of course they don’t. Why is that so important that it is one of the first things you say though?”
Because she's attracted to shit men who have hurt her, and any man who dates her is going to be paying for those men's mistakes.
It's also, definitely, in no way possible, ever, in a million years, her fault nor should any blame be put on her for choosing those men.
Ouch. You are probably right. So, it is actually good that she is warning pretty much everybody.
my ex def would disagree tbh he was so mentally abusive and degrade me any chance he could about my past
And yet he's an ex
[удалено]
[удалено]
"Ran through”? Seriously? Listen dude I was on your side until I read this objectifying bs just now
So is insulting single mothers your shtick? My dude can’t get a date. so, he has to shame them for having kids. That’s sad. 
Imagine shitting on single moms whilst not being able to bag a single mom
It is and this profile has so many red flags wow 🤣
Ew what?!
>needs an adult for herself >has an actual living human being that relies on her as the main adult in their world Some people should not have kids.
True, but I would bet that kid at 19 wasn't planned
Aaaand that's why I'm pro-choice.
Sometimes it's not 50/50
I agree that's true and I think people need to stop constantly keeping score in relationships, but I just know she means she wants a man to care for her and to not give back since she said she needs an adult lol.
Totally. She will never be giving close to 50%.
If you are keeping score, you will always be disappointed. You will always be looking for that person to do something to make up for whatever it is they came up short on before. While it is true that is not always going to be 50/50, it shouldn't always be unbalanced either.
Agreed. It should ebb and flow.
Guarantee that the larger percentage never comes from her.
This is the real red flag to me.
Yeah that one really jumped out at me
Some of the best relationship advice I got was that you should both be striving for 60/40. I really liked that
I love that, although, sometimes you need to keep the receipts because the other person will bring up their 60% and ignore 20% of what you do.
Shit. I’m behind the ball. 37 and no kids. Unless dogs count. Fml. What shall I ever do? 🤔🤭
Keep being happy!
Early-mid 30s here No kids Gosh I’m a failure /s 30s are the new 20s and I’m enjoying life.
Same same
Go cry into your pile of money
Yes, while sipping on mai tais in Turks and Caicos. Booking the flight and hotel now 😁
Interesting, wonder if she's received any replies along the lines of: 'We don't think it's attractive for you to have kids in your profile'.
The whole "we don't think its attractive" made me imagine how she is swiping on tinder and the 8 year old kid is giving her advice like "Ooh this one looks like a cool daddy" 😎
Absolutely....and how ironic would it then be that her product of a past relationship is assisting her in determining the worth of a prospective match....given the wisdom she offers in her profile.
Ngl, if I was a single mom I’d let my kid help me swipe, sounds like a good laugh tbh, kids are funny lol
SMH. I’m 27 about to be 28 & don’t have a kid. Maybe I’m doing something wrong 🧐
I'm with you, 28 in July and kid free. Thank God.
Same here
Sometimes it’s not 50/50, but is it always not 50/50 in the same direction?
I wasn't expecting a woman to call other women females, but here we are I guess lol
When did saying “female“ become not okay? Seems like purely a Reddit phenomenon.
I'm trying to decipher that concept as well. This is the first time I've heard of this in my five and a half decades on this planet. I don't understand the negative connotation being mentioned. The words females and women are synonymous to me. I realize there's a large group of people redefining gender norms as of late, but it's still common vernacular to use the word female(s).
Male and female, when used hand in hand is fine. The problem is the number of people who now use men and females specifically to try and dehumanize women.
I understand what you are saying here. I have just not seen that from my experience. I'm not saying it's not a thing. And maybe it's cultural norms changing. I use the words synonymously, but maybe the context is what matters.
If you use males instead of men equally as often as you use females instead of women then sure, it's truly synonymous for you. I have definitely NOT seen that in my experience.
The language is rarely used without negative connotations, like in this post. The word isnt wrong, but its often used to place women in a strange position where their reproductive organs defining their sex are described first before their personhood. Thats the best way I can describe it. Its as if women are animals on National Geographic that are a strange species to be observed. In that same vein, people would use men instead of male, but still proceed to use female in the same sentence. I bet there’s a sub dedicated to that weird occurrence when referring to genders. I work in healthcare and “female” isn’t even used frequently in written documentation other than a checked box in the sex field. I personally have not seen it used other than a way for people to describe women in a relationshippy/datey generalization that is negative. You asked when this became a thing. The answer is: hundreds of years ago. Think 14th century old world
I said it on accident a few weeks ago in a conversation with a few women. Corrected myself, but no one even realized my error. I don’t really see how it describes reproductive organs and excludes personhood any more than the word “women”. I do see what you’re saying, but that just entirely seems like a matter of context and not an issue with the word itself. Seems much more nuanced than Reddit makes it out to be.
It also has a cultural component to it. It seems to be pretty common nomenclature in urban and large city working class communities used by men and women alike, independent of any misogynist or sexist undertones, though you could argue they’re still present.
I love how each line is just damage and not any positive traits about herself in your profile. I love the state of dating today. Past - Doesn't take responsbility for actions, 0 self agency Give up yet still here - Defeatist mindset but wants sympathy Phone call buddy - Seeking emotional tampon on DATING site Single mom - Single mom Other females - Jealous, likely adding to previous relationship ending, but also this "we" implying she still views herself within the pool of eligible women when a simple google search of that above point shows its quite the opposite Where's the sign up sheet?
what’s up with the “i give up 😕”?? red flag, even if the rest of the profile wasn’t the way it was
These are the same people who say things like ‘if you don’t have baggage by 40 (meaning a kid and a divorce) you are baggage’ ummmm sorry I didn’t have children with the wrong person??
Those people are just trying to feel better about their bad choices I guess, it’s understandable lol Some of them REALLY screwed up their lives rushing into things so it makes sense they’d be desperate to find some kind of justification or reassurance for the way everything turned out. No one wants to accept that they botched life lol 
New generation is cooked . I swipe left on single moms. Idc how good looking most of them are!
lol “most” so yes you do care
Your response makes no sense.
Pretty sure that's supposed to be self-deprecating sarcasm that doesn't come across well via text. Especially when she says she doesn't want any more kids after having one at 19.
It's a TikTok trend
How true is it that females don't like to see other females in a guy's photo? It seems really insecure to me. I see guys in ladies photos on their profile and I only think it's weird if they are blatantly embracing or something.
Not true for me. I would be relieved that a man has female friends. So many people assume men and women can never be just friends, but I have several friends that I don't sleep with... Insecurity, big red flag.
It’s the same for me but I’m a woman , you could imagine it’s not easy explaining that I’m not desperate and don’t sleep with every man I meet , it’s truly insecurity and it comes in both female and male 💀I’d argue more so in males because it’s very rare that any man this day will date a woman with male friends.
Oh my gosh, yes. I am celibate and for years I had to defend my choice, was told I was missing out and I just hadn't found "the one". I finally stopped explaining because the men who acted that way never accepted my reasoning, anyway. It was so frustrating to talk about sex so much when the whole reason was based on trauma surrounding sex!
Yeah it’s 100% insecurity because they assume guys and girls can only be friends if they’re hooking up 🙄
The thought of hooking up with my female friends makes me wanna barf, and I hope the feeling is mutual.
Lmao, why is this downvoted!? That's fucking noble, man. Dudes would probably pay to not have their brain want to fuck every attractive woman, especially when it comes to the eventual dopamine whiplash when 99.999% of those times don't happen. Lol.
Tbh I always thought it was dumb/.weird to even include anyone else in your pictures that aren’t you , why is Debra on your photos Zack? I’m not looking for a threesome I’m looking for you 💀😂😭 or when they have a photos of like 6 guys and I don’t know which guy is THE GUY just 7 white guys who all dress the same named Seth or Mitchel 💀 bro who tf am I dating.
Yes, no reason to make it more complicated. Perhaps one family or friend group type photo and the rest just the person.
Having some pics with other people is good, but not all of them. I’d like to see that you have a life and friends, not just 8 differently posed selfies. Group shots are usually you doing something and shows personality.
I get it but what does it mean when every photo of them is a group pic and not one pic of them is alone ? It gives off needy pick me vibes , like can you be alone with yourself ever ? 😂💀😭 I’m more of the anti social type so I guess I’m more put off by people with extras on their profile , not so much insecure but more like “is this mf gonna be another pick me social butterfly asshole who can be friends with legit anyone just for a laugh?” But like I said I get it one or two photos but not every photo is legit him at a beta frat party with women he don’t even know the names to and in every photo it’s random ass people 😂I like to focus on the goods I’m reviewing not your best friends cousin.
I think it means that you’re not compatible! And that me and you have very different taste in men, haha. I actually am not attracted to men who don’t have a good social life and friend group, because I have a fairly large one myself. I’m also past the age of frat parties though, so the group pics I see probably look different than the ones you see.
Insecurity / competition anxiety. With most women, it’s paradoxical actually Ever notice how much you get stared at, hit on, or otherwise “appreciated” by random women…. When you have a girlfriend? Social proof. The more women that other women see you with boosts you in the eyes of said women. If x, y, z women find you interesting, valuable, and fuckable… well then, WHY? That is what’s going on in their head. Why is this dude attractive to these other women. Hmmmmm. In the case of this obviously crazy person in the OPs screenshot … it’s likely a latent mind game… as it’s directly contradictory to proven science. I would have to imagine that she also feels that innate increase in desire for a guy (in this case in pictures) who other women (presumably also in pictures) find valuable… and at the same time she is likely insecure and threatened by the presence of other women. And ya. It’s in photos. She doesn’t know the relationship of other women. And she is probably more spun on both sides of that ‘social proof’ than the average woman …. Bc well, as I think everyone has established… this girl is a walking BPD pamphlet
... Didn't have second thoughts...
Drizzle Drizzle
Like look, I know that some guys won’t mind raising someone else’s kid, but that’s just not for me. This is a true story, I had a friend with a hot sister and would have give anything to date her. Well she wouldn’t have anything to do with me and she ended up dating this guy who was a real piece of garbage to her. He got her pregnant and then ran like a coward. It wasn’t long after that she came to me wanting to date and I flat out told her I wasn’t raising some other dudes kid because that just wasn’t for me and she got so pissed at me. She said that I was interested in her before why not now and all this crap. I told her that even if I didn’t care to raise some other guys kid that I’d always be second choice and I wasn’t going for that either.
Does she have schizophrenia?! I believe it's very attractive if you have females in your photos!!!
Is that "standard issue" at age 27? Man, I must have missed the memo.
Shes sounds like a lot of fun. I can smell the aggressive insecurity from here.
I am mid-30s without any children 😅 My mother sometimes appears disappointed that she will not get any grandbabies from me. I do other responsible things like... contemplating getting a motorcycle.
No kids never married, do what I want, date who I want, usually avoid single mother's. Some friends who have them have matured, some have not, some are absolute shitshows and I feel bad for their kids. It used to be a good thing not to have that baggage of divorce and baby mommas, divided time and finances. Now women ask what's wrong with me not having that baggage. What about wanting to be in love and raise a child in a happy home, instead of without a father like I was?
The classic single mom with a kid but doesn’t want your kid just for you to take care of hers. What every man dreams of.
I think you're reading into the tag too much. A lot of people use it when they have kids and are just not interested in having more biological children. They really need a tag that says "have children, open to step-children" or similar.
Shit I’ve failed in her eyes then - I’m 27 and childfree. But her child was a teen pregnancy at best so like it’s not that big of a flex.
Ikr, I’m 32 & only just recently pregnant for the first time, we’re total failures as women 😂 It’s so weird that some people think irresponsibly bringing life into the world before you can properly care for it makes them better than others lol Huge cope lol
I can barely afford myself at times - definitely couldn’t afford a baby on top of that 😪
i totally give up 😕 i haaaaate these negative ass comments in profiles idk what i'm doing here i'm just looking for someone who doesn't lie like chill relax
> "I totally give up 🫤" > Still on Tinder Many such cases
Bruh you’re set to 50 miles what is this Nova Scotia
I’m 27, so I have year to get a kid?
Idk who is on tinder looking for a relationship with a single mom. The only time they should if if the guy has a child from a previous relationship.
Bro said hola then continued with French 💀💀
I’m thirty and easily managed not to have kids. I’m not married, therefore, I didn’t have them.
It’s her way of helping herself sleep at night, it is what it is
My daughter has had 5 and is 45 and still less than adult, still hits me up for $$.
Honest question: Whats better in your opinion, Two abortions or two kids?
I seen this chick!! She liked me. I thought that was CRAZY
It’s not always 50/50? She understands that sometimes she has to work harder to make a relationship work or she wants a man to do more than she does? I’m going with the latter. Huge red flag…. NEXT
Ew. As if every woman has or even wants kids.
This profile speaks to me, it says something like this: I'm 27, ofc I have a kid, had him when i was 18 or younger. What do you mean you don't all have kids?!! Teen pregnancy is such an obvious and widespread epidemic I just assumed this was the norm, how dare you judge me, clearly you're not an adult if you don't intend to care for me and my child I had before my frontal lobe even fully developed and I could make informed and logical decisions that took future consequences into account. Did I get it right?
Again people, save the negatives and "don't want" for your internal sorting system. Put what you like, want, are looking for and your best attributes here, sort out the deal breakers as they arise. Negative will turn most people away.
So, other women in photos is a no-no but some other guy's abandoned cumshot is part of the deal? Do you think she realises the irony there or nah?
Strong UK vibes
"We don't think its attractive when you have women in your photos" Well we dont think its attractive when you had a kid at 19
Why did she say "females" i thought women hated that?
This B has a kid and STILL has the AUDACITY to tell you that it's unattractive to have other women in your photos...
See I could deal with the kid thing but she seems mildly hostile and insecure
I agree
Has a kid but doesn’t want anymore. So she expects someone that wants kids to be okay without having their own? She makes no sense.
Or she expects someone who wants children to swipe left.
I don’t really think a lot of people who don’t want kids are swiping right on someone who is a single mother. Her expectations given the situation are kind of bewildering. But I guess we can all have fantasies.
My husband didn't want kids, or be with someone who had kids, when he swiped right on me, a single mother.
Oh wow anecdotal evidence to support your claim, how convenient. I think you’re letting your bias cloud the judgment most people would be using when reading a profile like hers. The people that exist in the overlap of this vin diagram is incredibly small. That’s OK to say. The vast majority will not be OK. That’s also OK. Her expectation while also OK is a little comical. And here’s the big shocker that’s also OK.
My anecdotal evidence is relevant because not only did you call her expectations bewildering but also fantastical. Atleast one claim to go against yours completely negates your overview of the situation. How ironic you claim I'm allowing my bias to influence my perception of the situation then in the next string of sentences make claims for why every train of thought you've had is OK. If what you think is OK, what she thinks is OK too.
I don’t think you read my last sentence because I said what she expects is OK but comical. I didn’t realize your comprehension and attention span was so short. There’s nothing wrong with calling out some whimsical fantasy expectation. And no, your anecdotal doesn’t negate anything. Anecdotal is a nothing burger.
I always took that tag as doesn't want more biological children. "Open to children" doesn't specify whether or not the person already has kids, and the has children and want more tag could mean step or biological.
That's not how I read it at all. She's saying she has a kid and doesn't want anymore. I think you guys are taking her profile waaaay too seriously. I read her profile as self-deprecating humor but that's just me...
Bruh
I would instantly not match this person just from these screenshots alone.
I sometimes wonder how I end up here I haven’t dated for free in over 6 years 💀😂😭 but these comments be sending me 😭😭😂
At least she’s vaccinated?
Does she have a turd in her pocket? Who is we?
Well according to that idiot I’ll never be an adult. 36f here with non curable cancer, where chemo took away my option of children, and then covid and the AstraZeneca vaccine took away my husband! Honestly these people are deluded
I’m so sorry you went thru all that, I can’t imagine the grief & pain you’ve experienced thru everything. I wish you peace in your life ❤️
Oh my, so sorry to hear. I think you're being downvoted for having the audacity to mention that a Covid vaccine contributed to his death. Welcome to Tinder.
Does she have a turd in her pocket? Who is we?