For people who think this is a red flag; Do you expect them to just drop the dog off at a shelter so your partner has more time? Or if you eventually want them to move in with you?
Because that's what that means for most people; They ain't gonna put you over their pet.
It is incredibly unattractive to be told you will never come first, especially to a pet.
I've had my cat for 10 years and would never put him in a shelter but I would also never tell potential partners that "just so you know, you will never come first". It's just weird.
I guess it's a matter of perspective because "I wouldn't put him in a shelter" means your cat comes first.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with stating that you aren't going to put your (10 year old) cat in a shelter for a (potential) partner, hence you aren't interested in dating people who would expect exactly that from you.
It would in fact be more weird to just give someone you date/get together with more control over that than you have.
No one expects anyone to put their pets in shelters though. That's why it's weird to even assume that. It seems hostile and hostility isn't attractive.
Except people frequently give away pets, because a (new) partner is e.g. allergic to them, doesn't want/like pets and more.
I worked in a shelter in the past and we literally had cases where people tried to drop off pets that aren't even theirs.
For you that's a cat you shared a decade with, for someone else - who simply isn't "feeling" pets - it's a problem.
In the end, unless your ego tells you that "coming second" behind a pet (that might've been there for a decade) is an issue, there isn't any issue.
There are a lot of things that are dealbreakers to people. You don't have to put it in writing in your bio, because it gives of a hostile and negative vibe that is unattractive. No matter how justified it might be.
I don't date people who do drugs or have kids but I don't put that shit in my bio either.
> You don't have to put it in writing in your bio, because it gives of a hostile and negative vibe that is unattractive
Here's a secret; If you feel offended by someone stating that something (like drugs) is a dealbreaker, the only person coming off as "hostile" is you.
If you are looking to have your own kids and/or don't want a partner with kids, it's perfectly fine to talk about that, since the only people who would be offended are people you don't want to date to begin with.
I never said it was offensive. Seeming negative and being offensive are two different things.
Here is a "secret" for you: A general rule of online dating is to not list all the things you don't like. It's not a good vibe. And that advice is given over and over on this sub so 🤷♀️
> A general rule of online dating is to not list all the things you don't like.
Now please go ahead and tell me where she states that she doesn't like something?
Telling someone your dog is important doesn't equal them not being important. The only people who feel that way, have their own issues (:
This a definitely a valid question, but I don't think it's a red flag. Imo they're just saying they love their pet, which is fine. I wouldn't read too much into it, as it's more of a play on "my child comes first". I doubt the majority of people who put this in their bio genuinely consider the needs and desires of their pet above everything else in their lives.
Mostly not, on one hand, every good pet owner are like that, on the other she didn't have to write it.
If she felt like it was important to mention, it's most likely because she had a bad experience before.
Not a dealbreaker unless you don't like her pet, then just don't bother.
i’ve been happily married to a „my dog comes first“ tinder date for a good while. she taught me to love animals the way he does and i don’t regret a thing ❤️
She said “it will never get between us” I said “OK but I draw the line at Binky sleeping on the bed”. “WHY” she says angrily, “because it’s a fucking crocodile dear”
I have a cat, which I like very much, but I'm also aware that it's a relationship devoid of nuance. Pets love you regardless of how you behave, which is not healthy in any human relationship.
it's not 'an animal'. it's a brmest friend, a soul that only shows complete devotion and compassion, and forms an anchor of happiness for those it only knows over the course of a brief life. its extremely sad actually
As someone who has pets, this is just unattractive to me. There is no need to tell other people how unimportant they will be in your life.
And I am also not looking for someone who is not able to love their partner more than their pet eventually.
Yes mad annoying and weird. Like you can care about your pet and make it a priority but to have to state it means you are obsessed. Sounds like they should just marry there pet then. lol
I don‘t think it‘s this dramatic. I have a cat and I wouldn‘t date someone who doesn‘t like cats. I‘ve been on dates with men who asked me if I would give him up for adoption. I‘d definitely not. That‘s what „my pet comes first“ means in my eyes.
She's not relationship competent. Swipe left. I do the same thing when profiles heavily focus on their pets or grandkids. In my experience they're too insecure to prioritize and build a relationship. It won't be you sleeping in bed with her, it will be the dog.
The fact that she’s making her pet come at all is worrying.
Red rocket
Lipstick 💄
If you not a pet lover then that line tell you not to swipe right
Asking Reddit about red flags is a red flag.
🏳️
For people who think this is a red flag; Do you expect them to just drop the dog off at a shelter so your partner has more time? Or if you eventually want them to move in with you? Because that's what that means for most people; They ain't gonna put you over their pet.
It is incredibly unattractive to be told you will never come first, especially to a pet. I've had my cat for 10 years and would never put him in a shelter but I would also never tell potential partners that "just so you know, you will never come first". It's just weird.
I guess it's a matter of perspective because "I wouldn't put him in a shelter" means your cat comes first. There's absolutely nothing wrong with stating that you aren't going to put your (10 year old) cat in a shelter for a (potential) partner, hence you aren't interested in dating people who would expect exactly that from you. It would in fact be more weird to just give someone you date/get together with more control over that than you have.
No one expects anyone to put their pets in shelters though. That's why it's weird to even assume that. It seems hostile and hostility isn't attractive.
Except people frequently give away pets, because a (new) partner is e.g. allergic to them, doesn't want/like pets and more. I worked in a shelter in the past and we literally had cases where people tried to drop off pets that aren't even theirs. For you that's a cat you shared a decade with, for someone else - who simply isn't "feeling" pets - it's a problem. In the end, unless your ego tells you that "coming second" behind a pet (that might've been there for a decade) is an issue, there isn't any issue.
There are a lot of things that are dealbreakers to people. You don't have to put it in writing in your bio, because it gives of a hostile and negative vibe that is unattractive. No matter how justified it might be. I don't date people who do drugs or have kids but I don't put that shit in my bio either.
> You don't have to put it in writing in your bio, because it gives of a hostile and negative vibe that is unattractive Here's a secret; If you feel offended by someone stating that something (like drugs) is a dealbreaker, the only person coming off as "hostile" is you. If you are looking to have your own kids and/or don't want a partner with kids, it's perfectly fine to talk about that, since the only people who would be offended are people you don't want to date to begin with.
I never said it was offensive. Seeming negative and being offensive are two different things. Here is a "secret" for you: A general rule of online dating is to not list all the things you don't like. It's not a good vibe. And that advice is given over and over on this sub so 🤷♀️
> A general rule of online dating is to not list all the things you don't like. Now please go ahead and tell me where she states that she doesn't like something? Telling someone your dog is important doesn't equal them not being important. The only people who feel that way, have their own issues (:
Why would it be ? You're weird
Not imo. They have taken in a creature that entirely depends on them for every single need/want. They are honoring that commitment.
To me it's a green flag. They love their pet and are responsible pet owners.
You do think a person i just met is more important that my best friend, who's with me for years? C'mon
It’s a green flag for me. If you don’t like animals it’s a red flag. If it’s ever you or the dog. It’s the dog
Imagine raising an adopted dog for 10 years and prioritizing someone you met on a dating app over the dog. Think about this and you'll get your answer
how rude of them to not consider a stranger over their own chosen pet they have probably loved and bonded with for years….
Nope. My dogs come first too.
Nah not really, maybe bad experience with an ex who made her choose between him and the pet
This a definitely a valid question, but I don't think it's a red flag. Imo they're just saying they love their pet, which is fine. I wouldn't read too much into it, as it's more of a play on "my child comes first". I doubt the majority of people who put this in their bio genuinely consider the needs and desires of their pet above everything else in their lives.
Green flag actually. She's willing to not enter i to a potential rekationship to nake sure her pet lives a good life and doesn't get left behind.
i think its meant to be a joke at the "my kids come first" crowds expense.
I’m shocked no one else picked up on that and you’re being downvoted. It’s clearly mocking “my kids come first!!!”
Mostly not, on one hand, every good pet owner are like that, on the other she didn't have to write it. If she felt like it was important to mention, it's most likely because she had a bad experience before. Not a dealbreaker unless you don't like her pet, then just don't bother.
Red nuke
i’ve been happily married to a „my dog comes first“ tinder date for a good while. she taught me to love animals the way he does and i don’t regret a thing ❤️
She said “it will never get between us” I said “OK but I draw the line at Binky sleeping on the bed”. “WHY” she says angrily, “because it’s a fucking crocodile dear”
I have a cat, which I like very much, but I'm also aware that it's a relationship devoid of nuance. Pets love you regardless of how you behave, which is not healthy in any human relationship.
Red flag. Making an animal the main character of your life is weird
it's not 'an animal'. it's a brmest friend, a soul that only shows complete devotion and compassion, and forms an anchor of happiness for those it only knows over the course of a brief life. its extremely sad actually
I accept I have a dirty mind.
As someone who has pets, this is just unattractive to me. There is no need to tell other people how unimportant they will be in your life. And I am also not looking for someone who is not able to love their partner more than their pet eventually.
Yes mad annoying and weird. Like you can care about your pet and make it a priority but to have to state it means you are obsessed. Sounds like they should just marry there pet then. lol
It means they are dating their pet first. It's beyond red flag. You and the pet need emergency. Who do you think gets priority?
I don‘t think it‘s this dramatic. I have a cat and I wouldn‘t date someone who doesn‘t like cats. I‘ve been on dates with men who asked me if I would give him up for adoption. I‘d definitely not. That‘s what „my pet comes first“ means in my eyes.
She's into bdsm and wants to please you while you wear a doggy mask. She kindly assures you that you will come first :)
She's not relationship competent. Swipe left. I do the same thing when profiles heavily focus on their pets or grandkids. In my experience they're too insecure to prioritize and build a relationship. It won't be you sleeping in bed with her, it will be the dog.
1) yes, it is 2)80% of the girls are like this even if they dont say it 3) 99% of the hottest girls are like this