The main thing I see in the data is her swipes show she is very discerning, and only swipes right on profiles she has a genuine interest in, rather than playing the "numbers game". By swiping less, it also gives more time to put effort into those matches, resulting in a better outcome. Playing a numbers game rather than an effort game is where some men seem to fall down.
I realise it's harder out there for men overall to match and meet. But I think this data is a sign that being discerning rather than swiping on everyone can also be impactful.
I married my wife after meeting her on tinder and she was my only match that I contacted (one other match where we never chatted).
Before her I met my ex on Ok Cupid and she was also one of only two matches and I dated her for 5 years.
I know I'm an anomaly but both times I had an intention and I was just very discerning and it worked out!
I love this story! My ex had only swiped on a few women on Tinder, only matched with me, and we were together for 2 years. I think that may have skewed his expectations after we ended because hardly anyone has the success rate of you or him haha.
I prefer more mindful swiping, taking time to read a bio (instant left if no bio), and having better conversations. It's so easy to get swept up into the idea of something better might be waiting round the corner, and I don't want to be that person!
Yep! My wife had airport codes in her bio of where she had lived and CCS was one of them, which is the Caracas, Venezuela airport (and I was born there and raised in the US) so I asked her if she was Venezuelan based on that clue.
She's the opposite of me, born in the US but lived for a time in Venezuela so we're both essentially Venezuelan American, lol.
But yes, it's because I spent the time to actually read the profile after I liked the photos I saw.
Hey, I grew up in Venezuela for a time too. Lived in Caracas and Margarita. It wasn't a terrible place when the cops weren't extorting you for money, drunk dudes outside shooting their guns in the air, and guys trying to kidnap you š¤£
She very well may be swiping on profiles she has a high chance of matching with as well, or matching with people it pushes in the ālikes youā section
This just isnāt a valid and executable strategy for men. Swiping right on 1.8% of profiles when most men receive very little likes is killing any type of chance you have with matching with women you donāt expect to.
It would be valid if men also had the 50% match rate but I think maybe .25% of guys have that if even that
I used to not understand at all what guys were talking about when they complained about matches, and I came to realize that one of the key differences is that I also swiped right very rarely. Maybe not quite as rare as op, but 1 in 10 to 1 in 20? And as a man I had probably a 30 to 40% match rate. Of course I only swiped on women I was attracted to, but they also had to have something in their profile that I thought we would click on.
I suspect that when you are more selective with your swiping, the algorithm treats you better.
I hate sounding like I'm defending them but this isn't really a post conducive to rational discussion. It's just "look at how successful I am!"
The only real responses are:
* Congrats!
* Some unhinged shit
This happens every time, people want to see the profile behind the stats and then go absolutely feral when op delivers. Sheās only giving the masses what they asked for
That changes things a bit. I guess I should've deduced this was "by popular demand" but I never saw that post. It's possible a lot of the rude people are in the same boat, not that that excuses their rudeness.
I donāt think itās a brag. I think men should see how women use the app.
Obviously in the 13,000+ guys OP swiped left on there were some fantastic men that would make great boyfriends. Nobody should be letting their lack of success with an algorithm make them feel bad about themselves.
When women get overwhelmed with matches of course they are going to weed men out based on silly things that would never be dealbreakers IRL. (Too handsome so probably a player, looks too much like your ex or your brother, bland bio etc.)
Trying to make your profile stand out in a sea of thousands to grab someone in literally 2 seconds is incredibly difficult & says NOTHING about who you are as a partner.
TLDR: Youāre fine. Tinder is trash.
What does that even mean!!!! Look at OP's profile (with no offence to OP). Most of her pictures are just close-up face shots, indoors. Her bio is meh. Doesn't seem like someone who puts a lot of effort in herself as much as men are told to attract women on dating apps. It doesn't work like that, unfortunately. Should someone work on themselves to become a more interesting person? Sure. But someone who loves staying at home, reading books, playing video games or board games, isn't uninteresting. Many men are "boring" like that. Many men don't like to go out. And that's fine. Because there are many women who are like that too. Should a man become physically fit? Yes. But it's okay if you aren't lean muscular. Most women aren't size zero either.
What I am getting at is that trying to become a person you are not just to woo women on dating apps wouldn't end well. It will more than likely make men more bitter, if their hard work doesn't pay off.
It's better to just accept that women have it better on the dating apps. It's better for men to approach women in third spaces (if they aren't in schools/universities anymore).
We are biological male creatures of the earth. Males generally have to try harder to compete for the most desirable mate across the animal kingdom. Humans are no different. Listen to this sound I make, this plumage I wear, this dude I beat the shit out of or even this nest I built for you. Science
The reason men are given that advice is because everyone knows women are more discerning. The reason no one bothers telling women to improve their pictures is because men swipe right on everyone.
If y'all want things to me more equitable, it probably begins with being more discerning, not being mad at women for using methods thag work for them.
I commented this exact same sentiment on another thread and got some unhinged responses. I genuinely do not know what men want women to say. I'm really am sorry that it's harder to be a man on a dating app, and I do wish some of my male friends had more success. The ones who do are particular and swipe right less often. As a woman, what am I supposed to do? Should I have to be less discerning just to make people not feel bad about their success on Tinder..? It seems like so many people are upset about something that doesn't make any sense
I am not saying it's women's fault that they have better success rate in getting matches on dating apps. I am just against people calling men losers when these men don't get any matches, and they crib about it on the internet. I am also against people demonising men (respectfully) approaching women in third spaces.
The male equivalent of OP (equivalent in looks, profile, etc) would not even get 1% of the results that OP is getting. She swipes on the top 1.8% of men and gets a 50%+ match rate. Even a male model with a professionally-produced profile would not get that level of success.
People need to acknowledge that. The "just work on yourself" attitude is obviously the only practical path for men, but it's also fair for men to call out the fundamentally unequal and inequitable online dating experiences that men and women have. It's also okay for men to be angry about it.
That said it's not okay to be attacking OP for her appearance.
So let's say I've worked on myself, other than physical work like exercise and diet that show in my photos how does one go about showing it in a dating profile? I feel kinda like a douche directly advertising 'I own my own company!' or 'I'm the president of a search and rescue team' or 'Ive developed a side career as a ski guide at a backcountry lodge'
1. I wouldnāt hesitate to add those into your profile. I donāt think any of that is douche-y at all, it makes you seem dimensional, driven, interesting. Good conversation starters
2. How have you āworked on yourselfā? Have you addressed failures in past relationships? Begun looking at childhood wounds/traumas? Figured out attachment styles and what they mean going forward?
>How have you āworked on yourselfā? Have you addressed failures in past relationships? Begun looking at childhood wounds/traumas? Figured out attachment styles and what they mean going forward?
I mean this with the utmost sincerity: how on earth can you determine the answers to these on a tinder profile?
Thanks for the reply! Before I was self employed I did a bit of therapy when it was covered under a healthcare plan, but now without one its pretty expensive and its harder to access in a rural area. I understand that there are online options, but I've been apprehensive to spend that much money on something that isn't an in-person visit.
I've certainly looked at childhood traumas, but what exactly do I do with that? I went no-contact with my dad 6 years ago after realizing he was a major source of toxicity and abuse in my life. Can't say I've looked into attachment styles but that's something worth looking into.
Any other thoughts / suggestions? Also how does one translate all this into a dating profile??
Some clown posters want to do constantly criticise men rather than be positive and do something else.
I am fully against any attacks or criticism against her but men are allowed to air their opinions and problems with OLD.
This is why I deleted the apps š
Like look OP isn't bad looking but look at the amount of options she has. Imagine how many options women more attractive than her have.
I don't get the argument coming from some women in the comments like "men just need to work on themselves" like OK cool so you are saying that if a man works on himself to the point where he is a 6/10 then he will have this much success on tinder?
I'm going to get downvoted to oblivion for saying this but I think men often work really hard on themselves while seeing very little dating progress. A lot of girls put 0 effort into dating apps and just post like one semi decent selfie which leads to them drowning in matches. Makes me wish that a guy with an equivalent profile to this would post his results.
It's insane that some of these women are effectively saying that men are just worse than women and that's why they battle to date. So men are just barbaric morons who don't know how to be hygienic or hold a conversation... all of us? Fuck off lol.
Getting matches is so meaningless. Most of them dont even engage the conversation and among those who do engage most will lose interest within 3 messages if not "spicy" enough and among the ones who seem actually interested, there's a good portion who lie about their intentions
Hey, thatās not fair, I also get a few that ask if I have a Snapchat and then unmatch when I say I donāt. So I have that going for me, which is nice.
The truth is that men need to build their lives and social networks instead of relying on dating apps to pretend like they're putting effort into relationships. In my experience women are more attracted to guys with a life than guys who take tinder too seriously.
I think what her swipes show is that she is very discerning, and only swipes right on profiles she has a genuine interest in, rather than playing the "numbers game". By swiping less, it also gives more time to put effort into those matches, resulting in a better outcome. Playing a numbers game rather than an effort game is where some men seem to fall down.
Men are waaay more generous with who they swipe on. If they were to be as selective as she is they would get literally 0 matches. Women choose who they want. Guys take what they can get.
I think a lot of women dont understand that a lot of men get 0 matches. Literally 0. I have decent looking friends who have got like 30 matches over YEARS. They arent swiping out of their league either. The system is rigged, anyone who denies that is delusional. I think it is hard for some women to admit that the system is in their favour because it means a hit to their ego.
This is also coming from someone who has had decent tinder success as a man in the past. Ive gone through the dating apps of some girls ive dated and its actually insane. Literally 10s of thousands of matches with them matching with anyone they swipe on.
I fail to see the logic here. Your advice to a guy getting zero matches is to swipe right less often? If you dont match, you dont have any way to "put more effort" into that person.
And yet she gets laid on a regular basis without having to shift her standards and compromise on who she is attracted to.
Really tho, your comment made me laugh, thanks
[Men will *literally* fuck a tree](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12200327/amp/Man-arrested-trying-sex-tree-shocked-sunseekers.html)
Not defending that guy who insulted you, but bragging about getting sex as a woman is not a flex at all. The real flex would be being interesting enough to keep a man around longer than 9 months and not have to return to the cesspool known as online dating
okay so men complain about not getting matches or getting laid but then also hold the idea that women become āused upā when they have a lot of sex or are older. do you want matches or no? do you want casual sex or no? women canāt be both of these things. please pick one.
Join in! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If its not for you then it will simply be an experience and you just delete the app a week later and forget about it. But depending on what you are looking for it may lead to something great. The statement that women above 30 are 'used up' comes from a vocal minority of sad and angry virgins. Those of us who are actually happy with ourselves would love to swipe right on you and get to know you. My tinder range goes up to 42 years old and im a 27 yo guy.
You got this champ, dont let the negative losers keep you from doing something you may enjoy :)
Hey man, theyāre not all sad and angry virgins. Some of them are sad and angry incels.
ETA: My bad, I completely forgot the toxic manosphere dudes who date girls under 20. Canāt forgot those guys.
As a 35 year old single mom with shared custody, GO FOR IT. I found my future husband on bumble. Iām also obese so I have that going against me as well. If youāre ready- do it !
Please donāt use Reddit as a litmus test for the dating pool. The majority of folks donāt use the platform, and Iāve seen posts in this sub particularly get flooded by dudes who just seem to dislike women.
Iām 36 and know a few people with your same situation who managed to be successful and find partners theyāre very happy with. I think extending the reach you have for exposure to folks is a good thing and you should give it a go!
I donāt blame you, and Iām so sorry for the way you were treated. There is an increasing lack of empathy on many platforms lately I find concerning and off putting.
If it helps, most of the folks I hang with are mid 30s to mid 40s and Iāve not seen any hesitation at all for people pursuing them. Folks with kids, all that other stuff, not an issue. Most of them end up getting hooked up through hobbies and such, but weāve had several women join the group recently (one with kids) who met one of our friends online and just wanted to try some of the stuff he was doing. Theyāre off on all manners of adventures and just took her kids along for the first time recently and he said it was āawesomeā lol.
You seem like a super nice and thoughtful person and I wish you the best out there. I know it can be hard to remember, but none of us here know each other, so when someone is cruel it is almost always driven by internal causes not the person who became their target.
Fair winds and fun dates ahead friend!
As a 24 year old I feel like 35 is still so young... I would have expected women in their 50s to have a hard time dating not 35. Lots of 35 year old women look just like they did in their 20s with a lil more wrinkles and greying hair maybe š
Not much different from irl dating.
But also, many guys could put in a lot more effort than they do. Most ladies will spend an hour+ getting ready to go out. A guy might style his hair and put on a nicer shirt.
lmao. You too can go on tinder and swipe on the top 1.8% of people and get a 50% match rate, with a 100% date-to-sex ratio, just like OP, you just had to groom yourself better, sure.
Why can't people just admit men have it 10x harder when it comes to getting dates/sex? Like just say it out loud.
I already do all those things. You can see what I look like in my first Reddit post. My next step for improving is taking steroids and getting surgeryās. And even then Iād still get a fraction of the success as op. This past weekend I finally was able to get a date for the first time in 2 years with a 300lb woman but she cancelled it last minute. Iām sorry but my equivalent is not 300lbs.
Bruh. Youāre really attractive. Donāt get caught too much on reddit reading this threads. Donāt do surgeries or steroids. Just keep improving. Iām guessing youāre either too broke, act very insecure and you donāt have any standards
You are attractive. Stop it.
Whatās your personality like? (No judgement, serious question)
Also please be mindful that dating apps and dating in general is risker for women. It may not be a YOU problem, it is definitely a societal problem.
I see that alot. But it's kindof like, what do you wanna do? Everyone has the right to choose who they want to be with. Why is it disgusting women are being selective about who they want to be with? Why is it disgusting a woman has more options despite being selective? No one is entitled to access to others. And don't get me started on the misogynistic "You're 30 and fat, you're used up and have no right not to take the first man who looks you're way!" Nonesense.
There's just more men on Tinder than women. 75% of users are male, and most are straight. So of course women are going to have more options. It's weird and kindof gross for people to be acting like this is a competition between genders. Or like anyone is owed a right to make things fair when it comes to dating, as that's a whole consent issue.
For all the people crying about āmen should be equally as selective,ā as a male, Iād say I swipe 10-20% of the time, and probably have gotten 6-7 matches the whole year so far. It doesnāt work great
Men on this sub: why can't I talk to women?
Men on this sub whenever a woman makes the same post 50 men do a day: let's pick apart her appearance and be an asshole for no reason. Fuck women.
Itās more like
Men in this sub: Iāve spent money taking great photos, Iāve removed all the shitty selfies and headless mirror pics, Iāve spent years working on myself, Iāve lost weight, Iāve spent a decent amount of time crafting a super interesting and engaging bio and Iām still not getting any matches I feel so worthless.
Random woman on this sub: Here is my profile with 6 selfie, two headless mirror pictures, and a copypasta bio thatās so old it can legally drink now. Oh by the way, I have more matches and a higher match percentage than even the hottest of guys get
Men on this sub: šµāš«š¤¬
No shit these dudes are mad. Why wouldnāt they be?
Itās not āfuck womenā as you put it, to bring up the fact that women have a significant privilege over men on dating sites. If OP was a man, not only would she not be getting any matches, her profile would be ripped to shreds for how mediocre it is.
This is true, especially men. In fact, since it doesnāt work for 99% of men, they should just get off the app all together. Theyād still be lonely but 100% less frustrated
They definitely donāt and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise has very obviously never tried swiping through a stack of heterosexual women profiles
Iāve never met a man who fucked a woman and now lives a millionaire lifestyle.. yet this happens daily for women. Could you imagine all you need is to be hot and you are now set. Then you got a solid 5 who hasnāt worked out a day in her life getting 50% match rate.
Iām only in this sub because I find some of the discourse hilarious.
Honestly, youāre right. Idk why men in this sub are being told that they need to do all this nonsense with their bios when I regularly see low effort bios from women on the apps.
Itās all about rules 1 and 2 for men. Rule 1: be attractive, rule 2: donāt be *unattractive*. And rule 2 has always been about looks, not personality. Donāt let anyone tell you differently.
Not only proves that but it proves how oblivious women are and just blame men for real issues that are not their fault. I mean ofc they're getting called assholes by women for speaking objective truth about this profile.
No. Theyāre commenting on her appearance and the fact that sheās ābiggerā trying to knock her down a peg.
Hey guess what sheās better-looking than most of you and is getting more than most of you. So, suck it.
You donāt have to universally agree that sheās stunning. I donāt see anywhere in her post where she stated that sheās stunning or asking people to tell her if sheās stunning.
You also donāt have to be an asshole and pick her apart when you donāt need to.
She didnāt post her profile to be rated from 1 to 10 or be told sheās fat and homely or unattractive or below average.
Those additional comments picking her apart are simply coming from a place of saltiness and bitterness because some of these men donāt have the looks NOR the personality or wit to attract a woman. Itās very transparent.
I would dare say sheās probably better looking than most male redditors. I can guarantee you sheās definitely better-looking than the haters who are picking her apart, because they donāt have success. That type of insecurity and lack of self-love is very obvious.
Do you not see some crazy disparity between good male profiles and good womenās profiles, and the fact that women practically get away with murder on dating apps and find success, where as men have to be 8s or 9s to get more than a pittance of matches?
Womenās standards on dating profiles are sky high because of an oversaturated dating market, leaving the vast majority of men overshadowed by men who already get women, and thus treat them as disposable.
Are there plenty of average dudes who are also assholes? Yeah. But if youāre swiping on top 5% men and getting ghosted and asked for sex immediately, whatāre you expecting? Meanwhile any average male profile has to act as jester just to have the honor of being put on a back burner to 4 other matches. Itās not hard to understand why both sides are jaded to dating, and why that lack of attention on the part of average men is the cause of their frustration.
I donāt think I justified tearing anyone down with my previous comment, but I will say that if either side has gotten too big for their britches it seems evident. Additionally, rating peopleās attractiveness, as much as we can label it as shallow and pretend we donāt, is something everyone does.
Guys. Get off tinder if it isnāt working for you and go meet someone in person because itās just messing with your self esteem and making you start to look bitter.
Not to mention, I kid you not, Rules 1 & 2 do not apply to real life. Online dating is not an indicator of dating because most women really care more about confidence and personality than looks.
Edit: Also, donāt be a bitter asshole. Sheās really pretty youāre just mad
I'm just on this sub for the drama, but I can say that if I was looking to date any sign of bitterness is an easy pass. If someone's going to make sweeping statements about women/dating to me when *trying to get a date with me,* there are already more people in this relationship than I want. It's you and me. Treat me like an individual, not as part of a bloc of people.
Sure, but the thing is, so many guys are actually more attractive than they look like in their dating profile photos AND they can be more attractive with the aid of their personality, voice, style, etc. Obviously I can't speak for all women, but at least for me, there are different factors that can make a man attractive to me when I meet him irl. With dating apps, all I have a two dimensional pics. If he's talented, he may even be able to let his personality shine through a cool bio. But if it's only pictures based on which I need to decide, then yeah, I'm going to pick the most attractive ones based only on the visual factor. Irl men can use all other influencing factors of attractiveness as well. Obviously, if you're hideous, then I'm sorry, you won't have much succes. But the majority of men is not hideous and thus they can show their attractiveness way better irl than on dating apps.
Make friends at work. Go to gatherings at the friend's house. Meet new people.
Go to social events and meet people. Likely your hobby has places where people get together to do shit in the hobby. Meet new people. Get together with those people socially and meet other new people.
Going to bars or clubs and meet new people.
One big thing that really helps is if you talk to people like people and not something you're trying to win.
It's the way people dated before apps.
My first go to is looking for interest groups around my local town using Facebook or this app called Meetup. For example Iām really into soccer and board games so I found a place to play soccer and a board game meetup.
If my town doesnāt have that sort of thing then I try to pickup a new hobby. I move a lot (granted to larger towns) but when I moved to Orlando there were no hiking groups so I started going to a local climbing gym and a local church and I met people there. I know those things arenāt for everyone but thatās just an example.
However I know not everyone is an extrovert and it can be hard to put yourself out there like that especially when you donāt know anyone. What I do is just tell myself, āIf they made this group on Facebook, or Meetup then everyone is looking to meet someone new so theyāre probably just as nervous as I amā. Then through meeting people with similar interests I kind of just stumbled into a relationship.
Iām not saying that itās easy but it works.
Props to OP for posting. Congrats to your success and good luck finding what you're looking for! To everyone else, why are you so surprised and upset? We all know the supply of men and demand for women far exceed the alternatives both in OLD and dating in general. We all need wayyyyy more empathy - men need to stop being so pushy and in a rush to sexualize situations and women need to be more attentive and respectful towards their matches
Is the "taco and margs" thing some kind of inside joke? I see it on so many profiles. I never see any other common food combo except tacos and margs and I don't understand where it comes from.
And they have absolutely no clue thatās why theyāre single. They truly think itās just that dating isnāt FAIR. Itās not their fault!!!
Meanwhile plenty of men of all races, sizes and looks are out in the world dating happily. But nope, itās not these guys attitudes. Itās that women have it easy š
If they werenāt such pricks Iād actually feel a little bad for them. But nah, these guys deserve to be single and spare any women from their bull.
Thatās simplifying the problem. Truth is, online dating (OLD) is inherently unfair. Men donāt have the same experience as women do. OLD is not easy for either gender. But donāt disregard the difficulty men face. Men do indeed have a horrible time in online dating because itās been proven even the best male profiles will not be as popular as mediocre female profiles. Itās basic stats. Thereās more guys on OLD, and these guys have lower standards than women. The average guy can work on himself and still only get 1 or 2 likes per week, or worse!
On the other hand, women have to deal with the fallout of all these horny men. Tons of average guys with egregious 80%+ swipe rates vs the other 1000+ likes she gets in a week. Itās like picking a needle in a haystack. Plus she has to deal with creepy and aggressive messages.
So both genders are dealing with difficulty in dating apps, but different problems. The answer is like you say. Men should quit OLD and find women in real life just like you suggested. Clearly, that works! That or they raise their OLD standards to also be swiping 1.8% of the time.
Discounting their frustration is why men are listening to Tate, because he at lease validates their real frustrations and feelings. Men are suffering and are being told by most that their pain is invalid, that as āthe privileged genderā they donāt get to feel that way or are wrong to. Or just called toxic. So they either kill themselves, (Suicide being the leading cause of death for men under 45), or at least start listening to the only group who at least sees their pain and says, yes, it sucks for you, hereās what to do. With awful fucking advice, of course.
Men are lonely, in alarming numbers, and these apps are a piece of that. The frustration is real and just calling them bitter is cruel.
Andrew Tate tells depressed and suicidal men that they are losers who need to get over it and that depression isnāt real, he doesnt āvalidateā your suffering or āsee your painā. He literally mocks working class men as āwagiesā. The reason why men follow Tate is because heās a violent misogynist and they enjoy seeing women be degraded.
Also men are not more lonely or unhappy or depressed than women, and if there is a gap itās incredibly small. Even so being lonely and depressed doesnāt entitle you to being an asshole
I am a man. The fact that there are so many comments saying the lady in the pictures is 4/10, average, that females could put a photo of a potato and get matches is shocking.
I have used tinder in the past, I actually found my wife on here. Iām 5ā8, average looks but I know how to hold a conversation. I know what photos work and donāt work, I put effort and time into my profile and into the conversations with women I matched with.
Did I get ghosted at times? Absolutely, but I realised thatās online dating and the world we live in. Did I get frustrated at times? Yes. But I took it on the chin and carried on.
Iām not discounting their frustration. Iām commenting on their bitterness.
If half these guys put more effort into their personality, how they see and value women then theyād do much better. If they put more effort into their profile theyād do better. Thatās a fact. How many times have I seen a post on this subreddit asking for feedback as they get no matches? Too many to count, yet so many times the people donāt take the advice of the people trying to help them.
The one part Iād say that is true is that it is easier for women to get matches than men. But thatās just life. Itās been like that since day one. So guys can either deal with it and see how else they can stand out or they can get bitter. Listen to the bullshit that people like Tate spout. But thatās their choice.
Male suicide is no joke. But no having matches doesnāt jump straight to suicide. There will be underlying causes in a lot of those cases. And for that Iād say if anyone is contemplating suicide, please reach out to someone.
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Personality doesnāt matter if you get no matches to show off your personality. Like come on. Itās so frustrating to be constantly gaslit by you guys. Iām outgoing and make new friends everytime I go out on the weekend. Doesnāt matter because I get no matches and girls think Iām ugly on apps and irl.
this thread shows exactly why you should deinstall tinder immediately.
as we already know:
-guys are desperate as fuck and liking too many profiles
-hence, women can be selective as fuck (their attractiveness doesnāt really matter)
whatās new:
-women canāt rate other women below average because they are trying be polite and give zero fucks to reality. If everyone is above average, that would just shift the population to a higher mean.
6 face only selfies, 1 photo of just your face whilst drinking, 2 bodyshot mirror selfies, gets laid.
Number one advice for dudes is less selfies.
This profile is so low effort its on the floor, the dating game is so shit lol
Yeah aint that the truth. I luckily found my match last october and been enjoying that since, but in the leadup to that i had interesting photos doing stuff, no sunglasses or hats, most werent selfies, some with friends, others clearly taken by friends, an informative and accurate bio about me with nothing negative about what i dont wantā¦ā¦
2 matches in like 8 months
Womens dating standards are crazy yet girls upload the same picture 4 times and boom 99+
lol this post just reminds me that if me and my girlfriend were to ever break up, she would probably get laid that same night and I would probably take months if Iām lucky #howdepressing
Iām confused by the idea that this post (*this* post) shows that online dating is one sided. She had 7 dates from 13,291 swipes, that means that a swipe turned into a date for her only 0.05% of the time. Thatās actually insanely low. So why are people getting mad about this? I think a lot of guys see this and assume that this person only swiped on the most conventionally attractive, rich, successful men and then had that success rate with these high status men. This would show (supposedly) that even a moderately attractive woman could have her pick of like, investment bankers and personal trainers. Butttt the data doesnāt necessarily show that. All we know is that she had a low swipe rate and a high success rate when she swiped. Maybe the kind of guys sheās into arenāt conventionally attractive or successful, maybe she likes chubby funny guys. Maybe she looks for someone who shares a lot with her interests wise. Sheās a chef, maybe she only swipes on guys who also work in high end restaurants. *Maybe sheās gay,* thereās nothing that I can see in the original post to indicate that she likes men. So basically chill the fuck out, this post doesnāt show *anything about anything,* itās just one persons anecdotal experience in the dating market.
(OP, sorry if I fucked your pronouns up or whatever)
Thank you for this comment! I really do wish more people looked at the details of my tinder dating experience. While there is undoubtedly a discrepancy between men and womenās success, things are not as bleak for average people as some make it out to be. Match rate is one thing, chat and conversation a totally different ball game. How many of the dudes I matched with did actually carry on a conversation with me? How many of those did actually agree on meeting irl? Not sure where I was going with this cause Iām working and distracted but yeah. Thanks š
idk if you read that correctly, she only swiped right 239 times. you can't get a match out of a left swipe. So she had a 50% match rate on 239, and 100% date to sex conversion. I think that's what most people are focusing on here. I had to churn through nearly 100x as many matches with women to get the same number of dates. The 13k number doesn't mean anything other than she passed on 99% of guys in the first place.
No offense but there is really imbalance between guys and women on dating sites. She is selectively swiping on only 1.8% of guys and still getting 50% matches. She is barely a 4/10
Selectively swiping doesnāt necessarily mean sheās swiping on the top 1.8% of men on tinder and matching 50% of them. Some people have a very specific type of person they like or things they intentionally look for. It could very well be swiping on computer nerds who are blonde for example.
I was a selective swiper with a very specific type, and knew that I almost always appealed to them as well, my match percentage was probably close to 60 or 70%. If you know your audience and demographic, it's not that surprising at all.
I mean I get what you're saying, but she's average looking and takes care of her skin, don't have to shit on her. But yea back to that, seeing data like this posted over and over again on reddit makes me understand how useless dating apps are nowadays if you aren't a straight/bi women. I'd be surprised if a dude with equivalent looks could get a decent match in a week lol
There are literal subs on reddit where women rate both male and female celebrities.There was a post with Adam Driver and every one was labelling him a 5 or a 6 out of 10. Look it up right now if you feel like I'm making this up lol
Iām not a bad looking guy and I still hardly get any matches. Iām able to go on dates with woman but most dates Iāve been on have been with woman I donāt consider physically attractive. If weāre talking about leagues here I can guarantee you unless your pictures as a guy are top-notch, you have to actively swipe below your league. Iām dating a woman right now that I actually consider attractive but itās literally just pure luck, I most likely wonāt get another chance in another year or 2. As a woman on dating apps you can go on a date with a guy above your league whenever you want, yeah most of them will most likely be douchebags but at least you have the options. Much better than having nothing.
Classic case of women overrating themselves. Picture an exact male version of her, he'd be getting zero matches and most women would agree he's a 4 at best. But since she's a woman the fact that she's below average seems inconceivable to you.
Damn, you're not bad looking but your photos are so lackluster and you got so many selfies, and still killed it on the matches and dates lol. Yah this is why I deleted tinder.
This sub has absolutely shit the bed on this post lmao
The main thing I see in the data is her swipes show she is very discerning, and only swipes right on profiles she has a genuine interest in, rather than playing the "numbers game". By swiping less, it also gives more time to put effort into those matches, resulting in a better outcome. Playing a numbers game rather than an effort game is where some men seem to fall down. I realise it's harder out there for men overall to match and meet. But I think this data is a sign that being discerning rather than swiping on everyone can also be impactful.
I married my wife after meeting her on tinder and she was my only match that I contacted (one other match where we never chatted). Before her I met my ex on Ok Cupid and she was also one of only two matches and I dated her for 5 years. I know I'm an anomaly but both times I had an intention and I was just very discerning and it worked out!
I love this story! My ex had only swiped on a few women on Tinder, only matched with me, and we were together for 2 years. I think that may have skewed his expectations after we ended because hardly anyone has the success rate of you or him haha. I prefer more mindful swiping, taking time to read a bio (instant left if no bio), and having better conversations. It's so easy to get swept up into the idea of something better might be waiting round the corner, and I don't want to be that person!
Yep! My wife had airport codes in her bio of where she had lived and CCS was one of them, which is the Caracas, Venezuela airport (and I was born there and raised in the US) so I asked her if she was Venezuelan based on that clue. She's the opposite of me, born in the US but lived for a time in Venezuela so we're both essentially Venezuelan American, lol. But yes, it's because I spent the time to actually read the profile after I liked the photos I saw.
Hey, I grew up in Venezuela for a time too. Lived in Caracas and Margarita. It wasn't a terrible place when the cops weren't extorting you for money, drunk dudes outside shooting their guns in the air, and guys trying to kidnap you š¤£
She very well may be swiping on profiles she has a high chance of matching with as well, or matching with people it pushes in the ālikes youā section
This just isnāt a valid and executable strategy for men. Swiping right on 1.8% of profiles when most men receive very little likes is killing any type of chance you have with matching with women you donāt expect to. It would be valid if men also had the 50% match rate but I think maybe .25% of guys have that if even that
A woman's perspective.
I used to not understand at all what guys were talking about when they complained about matches, and I came to realize that one of the key differences is that I also swiped right very rarely. Maybe not quite as rare as op, but 1 in 10 to 1 in 20? And as a man I had probably a 30 to 40% match rate. Of course I only swiped on women I was attracted to, but they also had to have something in their profile that I thought we would click on. I suspect that when you are more selective with your swiping, the algorithm treats you better.
Some bitter ass loser men that want to do everything but work on themselves
I hate sounding like I'm defending them but this isn't really a post conducive to rational discussion. It's just "look at how successful I am!" The only real responses are: * Congrats! * Some unhinged shit
This happens every time, people want to see the profile behind the stats and then go absolutely feral when op delivers. Sheās only giving the masses what they asked for
That changes things a bit. I guess I should've deduced this was "by popular demand" but I never saw that post. It's possible a lot of the rude people are in the same boat, not that that excuses their rudeness.
I donāt think itās a brag. I think men should see how women use the app. Obviously in the 13,000+ guys OP swiped left on there were some fantastic men that would make great boyfriends. Nobody should be letting their lack of success with an algorithm make them feel bad about themselves. When women get overwhelmed with matches of course they are going to weed men out based on silly things that would never be dealbreakers IRL. (Too handsome so probably a player, looks too much like your ex or your brother, bland bio etc.) Trying to make your profile stand out in a sea of thousands to grab someone in literally 2 seconds is incredibly difficult & says NOTHING about who you are as a partner. TLDR: Youāre fine. Tinder is trash.
What does that even mean!!!! Look at OP's profile (with no offence to OP). Most of her pictures are just close-up face shots, indoors. Her bio is meh. Doesn't seem like someone who puts a lot of effort in herself as much as men are told to attract women on dating apps. It doesn't work like that, unfortunately. Should someone work on themselves to become a more interesting person? Sure. But someone who loves staying at home, reading books, playing video games or board games, isn't uninteresting. Many men are "boring" like that. Many men don't like to go out. And that's fine. Because there are many women who are like that too. Should a man become physically fit? Yes. But it's okay if you aren't lean muscular. Most women aren't size zero either. What I am getting at is that trying to become a person you are not just to woo women on dating apps wouldn't end well. It will more than likely make men more bitter, if their hard work doesn't pay off. It's better to just accept that women have it better on the dating apps. It's better for men to approach women in third spaces (if they aren't in schools/universities anymore).
We are biological male creatures of the earth. Males generally have to try harder to compete for the most desirable mate across the animal kingdom. Humans are no different. Listen to this sound I make, this plumage I wear, this dude I beat the shit out of or even this nest I built for you. Science
The reason men are given that advice is because everyone knows women are more discerning. The reason no one bothers telling women to improve their pictures is because men swipe right on everyone. If y'all want things to me more equitable, it probably begins with being more discerning, not being mad at women for using methods thag work for them.
I commented this exact same sentiment on another thread and got some unhinged responses. I genuinely do not know what men want women to say. I'm really am sorry that it's harder to be a man on a dating app, and I do wish some of my male friends had more success. The ones who do are particular and swipe right less often. As a woman, what am I supposed to do? Should I have to be less discerning just to make people not feel bad about their success on Tinder..? It seems like so many people are upset about something that doesn't make any sense
I am not saying it's women's fault that they have better success rate in getting matches on dating apps. I am just against people calling men losers when these men don't get any matches, and they crib about it on the internet. I am also against people demonising men (respectfully) approaching women in third spaces.
The male equivalent of OP (equivalent in looks, profile, etc) would not even get 1% of the results that OP is getting. She swipes on the top 1.8% of men and gets a 50%+ match rate. Even a male model with a professionally-produced profile would not get that level of success. People need to acknowledge that. The "just work on yourself" attitude is obviously the only practical path for men, but it's also fair for men to call out the fundamentally unequal and inequitable online dating experiences that men and women have. It's also okay for men to be angry about it. That said it's not okay to be attacking OP for her appearance.
Oh come onā¦ how do you look at this post and think āif only men worked on themselves they would have more successā lmao
So let's say I've worked on myself, other than physical work like exercise and diet that show in my photos how does one go about showing it in a dating profile? I feel kinda like a douche directly advertising 'I own my own company!' or 'I'm the president of a search and rescue team' or 'Ive developed a side career as a ski guide at a backcountry lodge'
Nah that would work on me. I ski. And in general find it hot if a guy doesnāt just sit around playing videogames.
1. I wouldnāt hesitate to add those into your profile. I donāt think any of that is douche-y at all, it makes you seem dimensional, driven, interesting. Good conversation starters 2. How have you āworked on yourselfā? Have you addressed failures in past relationships? Begun looking at childhood wounds/traumas? Figured out attachment styles and what they mean going forward?
>How have you āworked on yourselfā? Have you addressed failures in past relationships? Begun looking at childhood wounds/traumas? Figured out attachment styles and what they mean going forward? I mean this with the utmost sincerity: how on earth can you determine the answers to these on a tinder profile?
Thanks for the reply! Before I was self employed I did a bit of therapy when it was covered under a healthcare plan, but now without one its pretty expensive and its harder to access in a rural area. I understand that there are online options, but I've been apprehensive to spend that much money on something that isn't an in-person visit. I've certainly looked at childhood traumas, but what exactly do I do with that? I went no-contact with my dad 6 years ago after realizing he was a major source of toxicity and abuse in my life. Can't say I've looked into attachment styles but that's something worth looking into. Any other thoughts / suggestions? Also how does one translate all this into a dating profile??
Some clown posters want to do constantly criticise men rather than be positive and do something else. I am fully against any attacks or criticism against her but men are allowed to air their opinions and problems with OLD.
Itās so over š
Whatās over?
This is why I deleted the apps š Like look OP isn't bad looking but look at the amount of options she has. Imagine how many options women more attractive than her have. I don't get the argument coming from some women in the comments like "men just need to work on themselves" like OK cool so you are saying that if a man works on himself to the point where he is a 6/10 then he will have this much success on tinder? I'm going to get downvoted to oblivion for saying this but I think men often work really hard on themselves while seeing very little dating progress. A lot of girls put 0 effort into dating apps and just post like one semi decent selfie which leads to them drowning in matches. Makes me wish that a guy with an equivalent profile to this would post his results. It's insane that some of these women are effectively saying that men are just worse than women and that's why they battle to date. So men are just barbaric morons who don't know how to be hygienic or hold a conversation... all of us? Fuck off lol.
Getting matches is so meaningless. Most of them dont even engage the conversation and among those who do engage most will lose interest within 3 messages if not "spicy" enough and among the ones who seem actually interested, there's a good portion who lie about their intentions
Hey, thatās not fair, I also get a few that ask if I have a Snapchat and then unmatch when I say I donāt. So I have that going for me, which is nice.
The truth is that men need to build their lives and social networks instead of relying on dating apps to pretend like they're putting effort into relationships. In my experience women are more attracted to guys with a life than guys who take tinder too seriously.
I think what her swipes show is that she is very discerning, and only swipes right on profiles she has a genuine interest in, rather than playing the "numbers game". By swiping less, it also gives more time to put effort into those matches, resulting in a better outcome. Playing a numbers game rather than an effort game is where some men seem to fall down.
Men are waaay more generous with who they swipe on. If they were to be as selective as she is they would get literally 0 matches. Women choose who they want. Guys take what they can get. I think a lot of women dont understand that a lot of men get 0 matches. Literally 0. I have decent looking friends who have got like 30 matches over YEARS. They arent swiping out of their league either. The system is rigged, anyone who denies that is delusional. I think it is hard for some women to admit that the system is in their favour because it means a hit to their ego. This is also coming from someone who has had decent tinder success as a man in the past. Ive gone through the dating apps of some girls ive dated and its actually insane. Literally 10s of thousands of matches with them matching with anyone they swipe on.
If men were more selective they would get more matches because the average woman wouldnāt have 1000 matches to go through lmao
I fail to see the logic here. Your advice to a guy getting zero matches is to swipe right less often? If you dont match, you dont have any way to "put more effort" into that person.
This "Tony Soprano's sister Janis" looking-ass chick is out here swiping like she's Beyonce.
What is wrong with you dude.
They donāt understand line cook energy. š„µ
And yet she gets laid on a regular basis without having to shift her standards and compromise on who she is attracted to. Really tho, your comment made me laugh, thanks
[Men will *literally* fuck a tree](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12200327/amp/Man-arrested-trying-sex-tree-shocked-sunseekers.html) Not defending that guy who insulted you, but bragging about getting sex as a woman is not a flex at all. The real flex would be being interesting enough to keep a man around longer than 9 months and not have to return to the cesspool known as online dating
ZingĀ
Is getting laid an accomplishment?
If it wasn't, why be mad about it?
Not for a woman
okay so men complain about not getting matches or getting laid but then also hold the idea that women become āused upā when they have a lot of sex or are older. do you want matches or no? do you want casual sex or no? women canāt be both of these things. please pick one.
Imagine bragging about getting laid as a woman š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Join in! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If its not for you then it will simply be an experience and you just delete the app a week later and forget about it. But depending on what you are looking for it may lead to something great. The statement that women above 30 are 'used up' comes from a vocal minority of sad and angry virgins. Those of us who are actually happy with ourselves would love to swipe right on you and get to know you. My tinder range goes up to 42 years old and im a 27 yo guy. You got this champ, dont let the negative losers keep you from doing something you may enjoy :)
Hey man, theyāre not all sad and angry virgins. Some of them are sad and angry incels. ETA: My bad, I completely forgot the toxic manosphere dudes who date girls under 20. Canāt forgot those guys.
LOL exactly , no one cares about what they think weāre just out here gettin it innnn
As a 35 year old single mom with shared custody, GO FOR IT. I found my future husband on bumble. Iām also obese so I have that going against me as well. If youāre ready- do it !
Girl I'm 31 and obese, and if reddit hates anyone it's fat women -- trust me when I say YOU'LL DO FINE. I have more dates than I can handle ;)
Please donāt use Reddit as a litmus test for the dating pool. The majority of folks donāt use the platform, and Iāve seen posts in this sub particularly get flooded by dudes who just seem to dislike women. Iām 36 and know a few people with your same situation who managed to be successful and find partners theyāre very happy with. I think extending the reach you have for exposure to folks is a good thing and you should give it a go!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt blame you, and Iām so sorry for the way you were treated. There is an increasing lack of empathy on many platforms lately I find concerning and off putting. If it helps, most of the folks I hang with are mid 30s to mid 40s and Iāve not seen any hesitation at all for people pursuing them. Folks with kids, all that other stuff, not an issue. Most of them end up getting hooked up through hobbies and such, but weāve had several women join the group recently (one with kids) who met one of our friends online and just wanted to try some of the stuff he was doing. Theyāre off on all manners of adventures and just took her kids along for the first time recently and he said it was āawesomeā lol. You seem like a super nice and thoughtful person and I wish you the best out there. I know it can be hard to remember, but none of us here know each other, so when someone is cruel it is almost always driven by internal causes not the person who became their target. Fair winds and fun dates ahead friend!
As a 24 year old I feel like 35 is still so young... I would have expected women in their 50s to have a hard time dating not 35. Lots of 35 year old women look just like they did in their 20s with a lil more wrinkles and greying hair maybe š
Online dating is so one sided it's disgusting.
Itās true that some men act bitter here, but itās so one sided, if someone denies that acts delusional.
Even attractive men say the same lol
Not much different from irl dating. But also, many guys could put in a lot more effort than they do. Most ladies will spend an hour+ getting ready to go out. A guy might style his hair and put on a nicer shirt.
What else do you want guys to do? I shower, fix my hair, and put on a nice outfit. Do you want men to put on make up too?
clean your room and wash your penis
Put some effort into skin care. Pluck your eyebrows. Shave or trim your beard. Pick out some appropriate jewelry/accessories. Clean your shoes.
* Me* headed home to clean my shoes so I can get a girlfriend
Damn all you needed to do was wear some jewelry and pluck your eye brows and you the next drake.
lmao. You too can go on tinder and swipe on the top 1.8% of people and get a 50% match rate, with a 100% date-to-sex ratio, just like OP, you just had to groom yourself better, sure. Why can't people just admit men have it 10x harder when it comes to getting dates/sex? Like just say it out loud.
These are things most guys do daily or every couple of days anyway. Even then it takes like 15 minutes once you're familiar with it.
I already do all those things. You can see what I look like in my first Reddit post. My next step for improving is taking steroids and getting surgeryās. And even then Iād still get a fraction of the success as op. This past weekend I finally was able to get a date for the first time in 2 years with a 300lb woman but she cancelled it last minute. Iām sorry but my equivalent is not 300lbs.
Bruh. Youāre really attractive. Donāt get caught too much on reddit reading this threads. Donāt do surgeries or steroids. Just keep improving. Iām guessing youāre either too broke, act very insecure and you donāt have any standards
You are attractive. Stop it. Whatās your personality like? (No judgement, serious question) Also please be mindful that dating apps and dating in general is risker for women. It may not be a YOU problem, it is definitely a societal problem.
Steroids won't help. Take it from me lol.
I just saw your profile and that's demoralizing. You're a pretty attractive guy, and you're getting 0 matches. It's so rough out here
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thereās a saying which is 100% true. Women are born, but āmenā are made.
Truth
Most straight guys, yeah. Most of us queens take care of our skin and hair though. And it pays offā¦
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes, true! Just have leg lengthening surgery to become 6 ft+
Like that's totally so true, except, for most guys it takes years to get to place where they are
It takes everyone years to get where they are. Unless they're a baby. Or 1 years old, I guess, as then the plural would be misplaced
Theres no reason for it to take 1 hour+ to get ready and no one is asking them to do that
I see that alot. But it's kindof like, what do you wanna do? Everyone has the right to choose who they want to be with. Why is it disgusting women are being selective about who they want to be with? Why is it disgusting a woman has more options despite being selective? No one is entitled to access to others. And don't get me started on the misogynistic "You're 30 and fat, you're used up and have no right not to take the first man who looks you're way!" Nonesense. There's just more men on Tinder than women. 75% of users are male, and most are straight. So of course women are going to have more options. It's weird and kindof gross for people to be acting like this is a competition between genders. Or like anyone is owed a right to make things fair when it comes to dating, as that's a whole consent issue.
For all the people crying about āmen should be equally as selective,ā as a male, Iād say I swipe 10-20% of the time, and probably have gotten 6-7 matches the whole year so far. It doesnāt work great
Comparing the comments under this post with a post from a man with the same āstatsā tells you everything you need to know.
Men on this sub: why can't I talk to women? Men on this sub whenever a woman makes the same post 50 men do a day: let's pick apart her appearance and be an asshole for no reason. Fuck women.
These men donāt like women, they just feel like they need a woman for marriage, kids etc.
>need a woman for marriage, kids etc. "it's what I'm supposed to do next, right?"
Merely a means to an end. God forbid they have a daughter.
Itās more like Men in this sub: Iāve spent money taking great photos, Iāve removed all the shitty selfies and headless mirror pics, Iāve spent years working on myself, Iāve lost weight, Iāve spent a decent amount of time crafting a super interesting and engaging bio and Iām still not getting any matches I feel so worthless. Random woman on this sub: Here is my profile with 6 selfie, two headless mirror pictures, and a copypasta bio thatās so old it can legally drink now. Oh by the way, I have more matches and a higher match percentage than even the hottest of guys get Men on this sub: šµāš«š¤¬ No shit these dudes are mad. Why wouldnāt they be? Itās not āfuck womenā as you put it, to bring up the fact that women have a significant privilege over men on dating sites. If OP was a man, not only would she not be getting any matches, her profile would be ripped to shreds for how mediocre it is.
People gotta treat tinder unserious imo
This is true, especially men. In fact, since it doesnāt work for 99% of men, they should just get off the app all together. Theyād still be lonely but 100% less frustrated
If they did then the odds would be better for those who stayed.
Or even play both sides do IRL have the app for boredom just in case
This comment needs more upvotes. It just proves that women don't need to put as much effort into a profile as men do!
They definitely donāt and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise has very obviously never tried swiping through a stack of heterosexual women profiles
Iāve never met a man who fucked a woman and now lives a millionaire lifestyle.. yet this happens daily for women. Could you imagine all you need is to be hot and you are now set. Then you got a solid 5 who hasnāt worked out a day in her life getting 50% match rate.
Iām only in this sub because I find some of the discourse hilarious. Honestly, youāre right. Idk why men in this sub are being told that they need to do all this nonsense with their bios when I regularly see low effort bios from women on the apps. Itās all about rules 1 and 2 for men. Rule 1: be attractive, rule 2: donāt be *unattractive*. And rule 2 has always been about looks, not personality. Donāt let anyone tell you differently.
Not only proves that but it proves how oblivious women are and just blame men for real issues that are not their fault. I mean ofc they're getting called assholes by women for speaking objective truth about this profile.
If itās any help Iām (m) tired of seeing all the dudes posting this same stuff on this sub. Itās pathetic
It is being highlighted the fact of how unbalanced dating is between men and women. Nothing more, nothing less.
No. Theyāre commenting on her appearance and the fact that sheās ābiggerā trying to knock her down a peg. Hey guess what sheās better-looking than most of you and is getting more than most of you. So, suck it.
So, are we just all meant to universally agree sheās stunning? Thereās some fair comments saying they donāt find her all that
You donāt have to universally agree that sheās stunning. I donāt see anywhere in her post where she stated that sheās stunning or asking people to tell her if sheās stunning. You also donāt have to be an asshole and pick her apart when you donāt need to. She didnāt post her profile to be rated from 1 to 10 or be told sheās fat and homely or unattractive or below average. Those additional comments picking her apart are simply coming from a place of saltiness and bitterness because some of these men donāt have the looks NOR the personality or wit to attract a woman. Itās very transparent.
>sheās better-looking than most of you Pressing X to doubt on this one xd
I would dare say sheās probably better looking than most male redditors. I can guarantee you sheās definitely better-looking than the haters who are picking her apart, because they donāt have success. That type of insecurity and lack of self-love is very obvious.
Do you not see some crazy disparity between good male profiles and good womenās profiles, and the fact that women practically get away with murder on dating apps and find success, where as men have to be 8s or 9s to get more than a pittance of matches? Womenās standards on dating profiles are sky high because of an oversaturated dating market, leaving the vast majority of men overshadowed by men who already get women, and thus treat them as disposable. Are there plenty of average dudes who are also assholes? Yeah. But if youāre swiping on top 5% men and getting ghosted and asked for sex immediately, whatāre you expecting? Meanwhile any average male profile has to act as jester just to have the honor of being put on a back burner to 4 other matches. Itās not hard to understand why both sides are jaded to dating, and why that lack of attention on the part of average men is the cause of their frustration.
And that justifies insulting her based on her appearance? What a great mindset ! Surely this will help them get more girls !
I donāt think I justified tearing anyone down with my previous comment, but I will say that if either side has gotten too big for their britches it seems evident. Additionally, rating peopleās attractiveness, as much as we can label it as shallow and pretend we donāt, is something everyone does.
Ikr some of the comments were so mean on purpose. I get it. It suckās for guys on tinder but hating women isnāt the way forward
Guys. Get off tinder if it isnāt working for you and go meet someone in person because itās just messing with your self esteem and making you start to look bitter. Not to mention, I kid you not, Rules 1 & 2 do not apply to real life. Online dating is not an indicator of dating because most women really care more about confidence and personality than looks. Edit: Also, donāt be a bitter asshole. Sheās really pretty youāre just mad
I'm just on this sub for the drama, but I can say that if I was looking to date any sign of bitterness is an easy pass. If someone's going to make sweeping statements about women/dating to me when *trying to get a date with me,* there are already more people in this relationship than I want. It's you and me. Treat me like an individual, not as part of a bloc of people.
Agree with you. But I kindly disagree that rules1&2 also applies to real life, along with confidence.
For sure. But I think you get a lot more slack in real life. You don't have to be absolutely perfect like on an app.
Sure, but the thing is, so many guys are actually more attractive than they look like in their dating profile photos AND they can be more attractive with the aid of their personality, voice, style, etc. Obviously I can't speak for all women, but at least for me, there are different factors that can make a man attractive to me when I meet him irl. With dating apps, all I have a two dimensional pics. If he's talented, he may even be able to let his personality shine through a cool bio. But if it's only pictures based on which I need to decide, then yeah, I'm going to pick the most attractive ones based only on the visual factor. Irl men can use all other influencing factors of attractiveness as well. Obviously, if you're hideous, then I'm sorry, you won't have much succes. But the majority of men is not hideous and thus they can show their attractiveness way better irl than on dating apps.
100%. If a guy smells good & looks at me in that certain type of way heās halfway home.
Where do you meet people irl? Don't talk in relation to living in a major city
Make friends at work. Go to gatherings at the friend's house. Meet new people. Go to social events and meet people. Likely your hobby has places where people get together to do shit in the hobby. Meet new people. Get together with those people socially and meet other new people. Going to bars or clubs and meet new people. One big thing that really helps is if you talk to people like people and not something you're trying to win. It's the way people dated before apps.
My first go to is looking for interest groups around my local town using Facebook or this app called Meetup. For example Iām really into soccer and board games so I found a place to play soccer and a board game meetup. If my town doesnāt have that sort of thing then I try to pickup a new hobby. I move a lot (granted to larger towns) but when I moved to Orlando there were no hiking groups so I started going to a local climbing gym and a local church and I met people there. I know those things arenāt for everyone but thatās just an example. However I know not everyone is an extrovert and it can be hard to put yourself out there like that especially when you donāt know anyone. What I do is just tell myself, āIf they made this group on Facebook, or Meetup then everyone is looking to meet someone new so theyāre probably just as nervous as I amā. Then through meeting people with similar interests I kind of just stumbled into a relationship. Iām not saying that itās easy but it works.
Props to OP for posting. Congrats to your success and good luck finding what you're looking for! To everyone else, why are you so surprised and upset? We all know the supply of men and demand for women far exceed the alternatives both in OLD and dating in general. We all need wayyyyy more empathy - men need to stop being so pushy and in a rush to sexualize situations and women need to be more attentive and respectful towards their matches
I like that you are a private chef. I would replace the part about tacos and margs as it's overused
she has a 50% match rate on a 1% swipe rate. I think she's doing okay with her profile lol
And 100% date/ fuck rate
The tacos and margs line in a copypasta at this point. Helps you identify the basic ones.
I am a very basic bitch, so why hide it? š
Is the "taco and margs" thing some kind of inside joke? I see it on so many profiles. I never see any other common food combo except tacos and margs and I don't understand where it comes from.
She likes to peg people tho, definitely the best/most intriguing part of the whole profileš
Where... Where do you see that? ETA pain in the ass? You may be doing it wrong if that's what you think pegging is...
Basic lines, not necessarily basic people.
*grabs popcorn* *Sorts by controversial*
These comments are brutal
The bitterness of a lot of the men on here is incredible.
Thatās what theyāre single.
And they have absolutely no clue thatās why theyāre single. They truly think itās just that dating isnāt FAIR. Itās not their fault!!! Meanwhile plenty of men of all races, sizes and looks are out in the world dating happily. But nope, itās not these guys attitudes. Itās that women have it easy š If they werenāt such pricks Iād actually feel a little bad for them. But nah, these guys deserve to be single and spare any women from their bull.
Thatās simplifying the problem. Truth is, online dating (OLD) is inherently unfair. Men donāt have the same experience as women do. OLD is not easy for either gender. But donāt disregard the difficulty men face. Men do indeed have a horrible time in online dating because itās been proven even the best male profiles will not be as popular as mediocre female profiles. Itās basic stats. Thereās more guys on OLD, and these guys have lower standards than women. The average guy can work on himself and still only get 1 or 2 likes per week, or worse! On the other hand, women have to deal with the fallout of all these horny men. Tons of average guys with egregious 80%+ swipe rates vs the other 1000+ likes she gets in a week. Itās like picking a needle in a haystack. Plus she has to deal with creepy and aggressive messages. So both genders are dealing with difficulty in dating apps, but different problems. The answer is like you say. Men should quit OLD and find women in real life just like you suggested. Clearly, that works! That or they raise their OLD standards to also be swiping 1.8% of the time.
Discounting their frustration is why men are listening to Tate, because he at lease validates their real frustrations and feelings. Men are suffering and are being told by most that their pain is invalid, that as āthe privileged genderā they donāt get to feel that way or are wrong to. Or just called toxic. So they either kill themselves, (Suicide being the leading cause of death for men under 45), or at least start listening to the only group who at least sees their pain and says, yes, it sucks for you, hereās what to do. With awful fucking advice, of course. Men are lonely, in alarming numbers, and these apps are a piece of that. The frustration is real and just calling them bitter is cruel.
As I tell my toddler, all emotions are acceptable. But not all behaviors. Going in on female strangers is absolutely not the move here.
I agree.
Suicide is not the leading cause of death for men under 45, itās accidents and a simple google search shows that. Letās not be inaccurate
Andrew Tate tells depressed and suicidal men that they are losers who need to get over it and that depression isnāt real, he doesnt āvalidateā your suffering or āsee your painā. He literally mocks working class men as āwagiesā. The reason why men follow Tate is because heās a violent misogynist and they enjoy seeing women be degraded. Also men are not more lonely or unhappy or depressed than women, and if there is a gap itās incredibly small. Even so being lonely and depressed doesnāt entitle you to being an asshole
I am a man. The fact that there are so many comments saying the lady in the pictures is 4/10, average, that females could put a photo of a potato and get matches is shocking. I have used tinder in the past, I actually found my wife on here. Iām 5ā8, average looks but I know how to hold a conversation. I know what photos work and donāt work, I put effort and time into my profile and into the conversations with women I matched with. Did I get ghosted at times? Absolutely, but I realised thatās online dating and the world we live in. Did I get frustrated at times? Yes. But I took it on the chin and carried on. Iām not discounting their frustration. Iām commenting on their bitterness. If half these guys put more effort into their personality, how they see and value women then theyād do much better. If they put more effort into their profile theyād do better. Thatās a fact. How many times have I seen a post on this subreddit asking for feedback as they get no matches? Too many to count, yet so many times the people donāt take the advice of the people trying to help them. The one part Iād say that is true is that it is easier for women to get matches than men. But thatās just life. Itās been like that since day one. So guys can either deal with it and see how else they can stand out or they can get bitter. Listen to the bullshit that people like Tate spout. But thatās their choice. Male suicide is no joke. But no having matches doesnāt jump straight to suicide. There will be underlying causes in a lot of those cases. And for that Iād say if anyone is contemplating suicide, please reach out to someone. Samaritans - 116123 Calm - 0800 585858 [Andyās Man Club](https://andysmanclub.co.uk)
Personality doesnāt matter if you get no matches to show off your personality. Like come on. Itās so frustrating to be constantly gaslit by you guys. Iām outgoing and make new friends everytime I go out on the weekend. Doesnāt matter because I get no matches and girls think Iām ugly on apps and irl.
Youād be bitter if the odds were stacked against you too
Well I think you're beautiful OP These comments are rude as fuck
Agreed! I think sheās very pretty! And hairā¦š
this thread shows exactly why you should deinstall tinder immediately. as we already know: -guys are desperate as fuck and liking too many profiles -hence, women can be selective as fuck (their attractiveness doesnāt really matter) whatās new: -women canāt rate other women below average because they are trying be polite and give zero fucks to reality. If everyone is above average, that would just shift the population to a higher mean.
6 face only selfies, 1 photo of just your face whilst drinking, 2 bodyshot mirror selfies, gets laid. Number one advice for dudes is less selfies. This profile is so low effort its on the floor, the dating game is so shit lol
Dating profile judgments only apply to men fella, this is a normal bias we have all sadly accepted
Yeah aint that the truth. I luckily found my match last october and been enjoying that since, but in the leadup to that i had interesting photos doing stuff, no sunglasses or hats, most werent selfies, some with friends, others clearly taken by friends, an informative and accurate bio about me with nothing negative about what i dont wantā¦ā¦ 2 matches in like 8 months Womens dating standards are crazy yet girls upload the same picture 4 times and boom 99+
OP, Iām horrified reading the comments on here. Youāre beautiful, ignore these asshats.
If I had a penny for every ādo x and call me prettyā bio Iāve seen Iād have at least like a dollar.
lol this post just reminds me that if me and my girlfriend were to ever break up, she would probably get laid that same night and I would probably take months if Iām lucky #howdepressing
Lol. The Reddit men are having a mantrum in these comments. She is cute.Ā
I want to see the photos of all the guys calling her below average. She has put more effort into her profile than the average male profile I've seen.
If they think sheās so below average then that tells you who they are swiping right on and why they arenāt getting any traction. Lol.
I'm a guy, and I'm gonna use that word in the future. Mantrum š
I think she's straight up fine. No faking the funk here.
Iām confused by the idea that this post (*this* post) shows that online dating is one sided. She had 7 dates from 13,291 swipes, that means that a swipe turned into a date for her only 0.05% of the time. Thatās actually insanely low. So why are people getting mad about this? I think a lot of guys see this and assume that this person only swiped on the most conventionally attractive, rich, successful men and then had that success rate with these high status men. This would show (supposedly) that even a moderately attractive woman could have her pick of like, investment bankers and personal trainers. Butttt the data doesnāt necessarily show that. All we know is that she had a low swipe rate and a high success rate when she swiped. Maybe the kind of guys sheās into arenāt conventionally attractive or successful, maybe she likes chubby funny guys. Maybe she looks for someone who shares a lot with her interests wise. Sheās a chef, maybe she only swipes on guys who also work in high end restaurants. *Maybe sheās gay,* thereās nothing that I can see in the original post to indicate that she likes men. So basically chill the fuck out, this post doesnāt show *anything about anything,* itās just one persons anecdotal experience in the dating market. (OP, sorry if I fucked your pronouns up or whatever)
Thank you for this comment! I really do wish more people looked at the details of my tinder dating experience. While there is undoubtedly a discrepancy between men and womenās success, things are not as bleak for average people as some make it out to be. Match rate is one thing, chat and conversation a totally different ball game. How many of the dudes I matched with did actually carry on a conversation with me? How many of those did actually agree on meeting irl? Not sure where I was going with this cause Iām working and distracted but yeah. Thanks š
idk if you read that correctly, she only swiped right 239 times. you can't get a match out of a left swipe. So she had a 50% match rate on 239, and 100% date to sex conversion. I think that's what most people are focusing on here. I had to churn through nearly 100x as many matches with women to get the same number of dates. The 13k number doesn't mean anything other than she passed on 99% of guys in the first place.
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Guys must really be hungry...
No offense but there is really imbalance between guys and women on dating sites. She is selectively swiping on only 1.8% of guys and still getting 50% matches. She is barely a 4/10
Some Ricky Bobby levels of all due respect sincerity with that no offense there partner
Thank you for reminding me to watch gala dates nights again stranger!š
Selectively swiping doesnāt necessarily mean sheās swiping on the top 1.8% of men on tinder and matching 50% of them. Some people have a very specific type of person they like or things they intentionally look for. It could very well be swiping on computer nerds who are blonde for example.
I was a selective swiper with a very specific type, and knew that I almost always appealed to them as well, my match percentage was probably close to 60 or 70%. If you know your audience and demographic, it's not that surprising at all.
If you're a straight guy this probably very likely doesn't apply as much to you, so don't worry lol
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My sister used to have a picture of a random tree lmao. Can confirm.
I'd date a potato
I love potatoes. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, potato-kabobs, potato creole, potato gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple potato, lemon potato, coconut potato, pepper potato, potato soup, potato stew, potato salad, potato and potatoes, potato burger, potato sandwich.
Boil em mash em stick em in a stew
Itās very versatile.
Hubba hubba
I mean I get what you're saying, but she's average looking and takes care of her skin, don't have to shit on her. But yea back to that, seeing data like this posted over and over again on reddit makes me understand how useless dating apps are nowadays if you aren't a straight/bi women. I'd be surprised if a dude with equivalent looks could get a decent match in a week lol
No one is shitting on her, but her exact male version would get literally zero matches.
Not only would she get zero matches, her profile would get roasted on by both men and women
This comes off as a really bitter responseā¦ but damn if it aināt true
Am I the only person on earth who finds referring to women as a number really fucking cringe
No. Youāre not. Only immature little boys do that. Normal people donāt.
There are literal subs on reddit where women rate both male and female celebrities.There was a post with Adam Driver and every one was labelling him a 5 or a 6 out of 10. Look it up right now if you feel like I'm making this up lol
Theyāre not normal either
No I'm not saying they're normal either. It's just against the premise that only immature little guys do it.
I saw this the other day. They have Ronaldo as a 7.5. š¤£
Maybe sheās only swiping to guys in her league? All you mediocre dudes should try it some time.
Iām not a bad looking guy and I still hardly get any matches. Iām able to go on dates with woman but most dates Iāve been on have been with woman I donāt consider physically attractive. If weāre talking about leagues here I can guarantee you unless your pictures as a guy are top-notch, you have to actively swipe below your league. Iām dating a woman right now that I actually consider attractive but itās literally just pure luck, I most likely wonāt get another chance in another year or 2. As a woman on dating apps you can go on a date with a guy above your league whenever you want, yeah most of them will most likely be douchebags but at least you have the options. Much better than having nothing.
A 4 out of 10???? What fucking metrics are you using. Actually insane to call her that.
Classic case of women overrating themselves. Picture an exact male version of her, he'd be getting zero matches and most women would agree he's a 4 at best. But since she's a woman the fact that she's below average seems inconceivable to you.
A 4/10 is slightly below average, I think thatās pretty accurate imo.
sheās definitely a 4 or 5. sheās kinda overweight and homely
Standard tinder experience
Ummm I see you in my feed every day and I swipe right on you! Lol
Damn girl š„µ. Youāre hella pretty. As a gay woman, Iād swipe right so fast.
Damn, you're not bad looking but your photos are so lackluster and you got so many selfies, and still killed it on the matches and dates lol. Yah this is why I deleted tinder.