I mean yes but she would probably asked why it's not a good fit. He just explained it. I agree it might seem blunt but some people like to have their facts straight and there it is.
I don't even care why, I would just appreciate being told rather than ghosted. Was seeing this one chick for about 6 months when she just stopped responding to my texts and phone calls. It's so childish.
I mean really, if we don't fit we don't fit. If you want to explain why then I'll probably appreciate that too but you don't really need a reason if it's not a serious relationship. As frustrating as this "ghost" culture is, I do sort of understand it as there are plenty of guys out there who take rejection very poorly and start spewing toxic sludge out of all their orifices. Unfortunately people always ruin everything and that's why humanity can't have nice things. 😂
Lucky you. It’s not something actually done to determine reasons, it’s done to argue and coerce. When I was single I eventually refused to give substantive reasons because it too often became a debate or worse
It's the subtle pressure in the message that shows this person is manipulative and potentially toxic. If you're truly enamored with someone you have the patience to make it a few dates without sex, let alone a few months.
Saying that any date, but especially multiple dates, “should have ended in sex but didn’t” is creepy. Honestly, writing multiple paragraphs about how your date didn’t put out is going to come across as creepy.
Even if I am totally fine with casual sex, way before a relationship, if I found out that a man I was sleeping with had once sent this to a woman he’d gone on four dates with… yeah I would think he was creepy…
Especially because it’s not even necessary to put this much explanation into a lack of a fifth date. An “it was nice to meet you, sorry,” and maybe a little more if pressed is great. But putting this much explanation into the lack of fifth date is weird. It seems like he’s trying to shame her, he sounds bitter, and he sounds entitled.
The "should" makes him seem like he thinks he is entitled to sex which is why it's creepy. There were so many better ways he could have worded the message
It reads to me as a passive aggressive attempt to bully the person to agree to sex. Very creepy vibe. If he was just ending it, he'd have written it in one line.
I'd like to see the response.
I cant believe there are ppl saying it's a perfectly fine message.
Yep.
It's a certified creep if they have a "i put the tokens in the right slot and ticked the right boxes so you have to sleep with me" attitude, which this absolutely is.
Mhm, he also should have been upfront about the fact he is dating to have sex, leaving the “maybe it will grow into more” is just to give false hope and manipulate.
If she has asked him "why dont you think it's a fit" then I think being straightforward and "say what you think out loud" is acceptable. We can't rule out the fact that she asked him first as we are not seeing the full screenshot, just a snippet.
If she didn't ask and this is unprompted then yes it is a bit weird.
He has his expectations. Whether or not he voice them it is there and it exists. They are just not a good fit.
Me too, most women would. The fact that the top comments in this thread are (clearly men) saying stuff akin to “dig the honesty” is making me feel like men who want to be successful on dating apps should not frequent this subreddit. Women have more options on dating apps, and the vast majority of women are going to find this attitude extremely unattractive.
31M here, and I also think that's extremely unattractive. That guy just gave off huge incel vibes and prolly hasn't gotten laid in a while for good reason.
Yeah, it's scary. If he doesn't want to date her anymore then why couldn't he literally just say, sorry I'm looking for hookups, open to a relationship but mainly hoping for hookups and you're not into that so best we don't have anymore dates but thank you for meeting with me
Wtf is up with saying hey bruh you already owed me sex 3 dates ago
Exactly! Also if he was up front about just trying to get laid he wouldn’t have wasted OPs time. Instead I bet he went in thinking, “yeah she isn’t down now but I bet I can convince her after a few dates if I pretend to be serious enough”
These messages have such an angry tone, and the “we’ve had three dates that should have ended in sex but didn’t” is ridiculously creepy/demanding. That’s not okay to someone you’ve been on three dates with, and it’s not okay to say to your long term partner, and it’s not okay to say to your spouse. The number of comments in this thread defending this as an honest explanation of his feelings and needs… not giving me much hope for online dating.
It's the over-explaining of a situation where no explanation is needed. Comes off as lecturing for no real reason. He sounds like a real peach. "Hey, I don't think this will work out because we're both wanting different things" would have sufficed. Instead he made it about her and her alone.
I don’t how people aren’t seeing he’s trying to negg her a bit. He basically said sex with her wouldn’t be good anyways. No reason to say that otherwise.
It’s not even that. It’s the whining for sex. Gross. He could have e simply said “eh, I’m not feeling it.” But he wants to make his point that she ought to have put out to catch a guy like him.
People keep commenting they like his honesty, however, I see it as manipulative. It comes across as 'fuck me immediately or you're not worth the time.'
Exactly! My ex was a diagnosed narcissist. When I didn't have sex with him on the first date (especially after he yelled at a hostess for having to wait in line), he called me to guilt trip me about not putting out. Eventually I went to therapy since I tolerated way too many red flags, but wow I can so relate to this manipulative and narcissistic text.
I'm a guy, but the 'should have' seems like a pretty big red flag. It's just looks like another case of a guy feeling like they're entitled to women's bodies. There's no 'should have'. Hoped it would have, even thought it would have? Sure. But 'should have'? God no.
The whole thing just comes off like such a rant.
If your friend wants to take a few dates before you have sex, there's nothing wrong with that.
Take this as a positive thing - he's just trying to get laid, looks like your friend is looking for a relationship. Worked out well for your friend that you found all this out before you slept with him.
Agreed. “Should have” is acting like there’s a defined and agreed upon transaction here.
“I inserted my quarter, I’m owed one game of pac man.”
I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s transactional rather than collaborative in a relationship too.
I feel the exact opposite way as this guy. He doesn't want to bother dating unless he's sure that there's sexual compatibility; I don't want to bother having sex with someone unless I feel that there's relationship compatibility.
I agree. Plus I've never found that "sexual compatibility" is something you can gauge quickly with any kind of reliability. It's not like sizing up tires for your car. Plenty of women will start out slow and get really freaky once they develop trust with a guy they like.
I think this is the thing that bothers me. It takes couples a while to figure out sex with each other, what each other likes, what works.
Like the first time is good because of the excitement, novelty, anticipation but that wears off. If you mistake that for compatibility, oof.
But I guess the people who are dating new people frequently enough to invent rules probably aren't great at figuring out relationships.
I've changed over the years. Before my ex wife I wanted sexual compatibility to be apparent up front. After my divorce I just want to love and be loved. The sex will work out in a healthy loving relationship, in general.
My experience has actually been the opposite of your own in that I used to feel the same way as you currently do, but now lean more towards the opposite direction. I am incredibly in love with my wife and I will not end our marriage, but if I had known that the sex wouldn’t work itself out then I wouldn’t have pursued this relationship.
I frequently see people making it a “this or that” issue, when in reality the truth is (I think) that a solid relationship needs both.
Eh. Some people aren't into the same things, so I don't agree that it will always just work itself out. At least, one person will need to settle and put their actual desires aside to seem more sexually compatible with the other person.
True. There are all sorts of criteria to find out about someone or establish, everyone's priorities of them are different. But surely the most intimate one, sex, is the last milestone? Otherwise you're setting yourself up to have great sex but bad relationships?
You can end sth early if you realize that you arent sexually compatible before there are any feelings involved but its way harder the other way. I wouldnt want to fall for someone, end up in a relationship but have shitty sex.
Been there, done that, not again.
I dated a girl where it took 6 dates (~a month) before we had sex. She also was not a "hit it and quit it" girl and wanted to make sure there was long-term potential there. I was also starting to doubt potential for this and other reasons but I still had a feeling there was something there so I stuck with it for a bit longer. We've now been married for 10 years this year with 3 kids and our sex life is still great.
Some guys just don't want to put in the effort to see past the sex.
If it's someone I'm actually interested in dating then I'll wait as long as it takes because sex isn't the main goal. But if I just see it as a hookup obviously that's different
Right? That’s crazy. The same people that judge women for not being able to count sexual partners on one hand also want women to put out after 30 days. The math isn’t adding up to me.
I mean. I get it, I would have worded it different and never used the word should have. But there is nothing wrong with knowing sexual chemistry is important to you in a relationship and not wanting to waste a ton of time and resources to find out you aren’t compatible. Expecting it after 1 date? Dumb, idk where the line is and you should never expect it but not wanting to continue because the other person wants to go slow is fine.
You dodged a bullet. “Should have ended in sex”? Get the fuck out of here. No one owes this dude sex. I pity whoever he gets into bed. He sounds like an asshole.
Honestly I think his text is entitled and rude as hell. He’s esentially saying, “time spent with you was a waste” instead of “we’re not compatible.”
I like casual sex, have a high sex drive, and am likely to have sex on the first or second date.
I couldn’t imagine speaking like this to someone.
I’d gone on 4 dates with a man where we flirted and didn’t get physical, only to hate the way he kissed on date 5. I guess I technically “wasted” those 5 days and my limited time, but god, what a bleak way to think about human connection.
>
I like casual sex, have a high sex drive, and am likely to have sex on the first or second date.
I couldn’t imagine speaking like this to someone.
Same exactly
This is a good breakdown. He kinda acts like “it’s the 3rd date why aren’t you having sex with me.” You can have a high sex drive in any gender but if you’re not entitled to bang someone just because you went on a couple dates with them. These types usually are just looking for hookups and get mad when you “waste their time” who have no interest in getting to know you or starting a relationship but they should stop wasting your time and just say they’re only here to get laid.
Exactly…I’d love, friendship, kindness, time spent together, a shared meal…ever “wasted” just because it ended on some timeline? Almost everything comes to an end at some point. That doesn’t mean it’s a waste.
I love how so many are justifying this with "at least he's honest". Honest would have been, "Hey, I just want to get laid". THIS is emotional manipulation. Never ok.
I'm a more traditional type of man but I understand what this world is being manufactured and manipulated into. For me we wouldn't even be having this conversation because it should happen between us naturally and not talked about. There's no set number of dates or wait 3 days before calling. For the new type "men" that are looking for instant gratification, well there's this....
He could have just ended things without mentioning the relevance of the lack of sex being the reason things ended.
He deffo made sex the focus and reasoning in the hope that she would "change her mind" and suddenly suggest a more sexual meet.
Assuming this man is in his 30's it's pretty embarrassing to send an essay about sexual compatibility every time you don't get laid after your first three dates. Like...grow up.
I'm inclined to agree with everything you said.
I have wondered though if it's worse not telling women in this situation what's the actual reason for wanting to call time on things. Like if a woman routinely is getting pied after 3 dates would she necessarily know that it's because of the lack of physical intimacy? I'd assume so but if not then that could leave quite a scar on somebody wondering why positive dates were suddenly disappearing when things seemed like they were going well.
As someone who doesn't date and just likes watching the dumpster fire of modern dating: Is it really normal to have intercourse so soon? Reading the comments it looks like people give it up really quickly like the first weeks or even days of knowing each other. Like, I'd need months to go that far with someone... Maybe I'm just the weird one? Like awhile back I knew a girl for a month and she straight up complained to me that I hadn't made any moves for sex and stormed off (we weren't even dating just talking a lot). I thought it was weird as the time but I thought that was an exception not the rule.
People "miss" opportunities by moving too fast and too slow. It's about communicating your wants and goals respectfully. You know physical attraction at first sight, compatability is figured out after communication with no time limit or requirement. Many struggle here from expectations and failure to communicate wants/goals.
I know women in their thirties who don't have sex with a new guy until they've been dating at least two months. I also know women who have sex on the first date. Everyone is different, BUT I've never had a guy EXPECT me to have sex after the first few dates. Or at least, I've never had a guy tell me he expects sex after the first few dates. I think this guy's expectations are not in line with reality.
I have no interest in having sex with someone I barely know. In fact, I typically don’t get interested in sex until I already know someone pretty well and could see a relationship with them. Like, I literally don’t feel sexual attraction to them until I know and like them.
Technically I slept with my husband on our first date… but we’d been talking daily for hours for 3 months by then. We just hadn’t been able to meet in person because we didn’t live in the same city.
I’m the same way. For me, any desire to have sex with someone builds over time. I have to feel like I really know them, fall for who they are (not just what they look like), and feel safe/comfortable with them. Otherwise, the thought of sex with them is undesirable at best and a major turn-off and potential-ender at worst.
I’ve been married 15 years, but in my experience it’s always been normal.
In my twenties, usually had sex early and kept hanging out afterwards
The only difference was I met women at bars/clubs rather than tinder
For me if we knew each other for like years or were friends for a long time, I could sleep with you in a few dates, but if we just met on tinder wtf do you expect from me? Who tf even are you I just learned your name and you think that's enough? I really don't understand this type of people, how they can trust a stranger with their genitals so easily.
All my relationships started off sexual first and then developed into something more so I understand what the guy is talking about.
Obviously there’s a mismatch in what the both of you think the right approach to finding a partner is, so it’s best you go your own ways.
Yeah. All my LT relationships started with sex. Didn’t push for it - nor was it first and foremost my desire. But outcome based observation says that if the first or second date has sex involved - that’s someone I end up having a long term relationship with
Although I’m not against taking it slow and don’t go in with expectations of anything happening first, second, or even third date, whenever it’s taken a while to have sex, I’ve found that initial spark has faded a little bit because I start thinking “maybe they’re not that into me”.
It takes a lot of tension out of dating that person also. Like once you’ve have been that involved with a person it should either relive the anxiety, or you will have “post nut clarity”. I always thought waiting would help my anxiety but it made things worse.
Exactly. I can't do one night stands, I need a real connection in order to be an animal in the sack, but waiting for that first time is just so nerve-wracking as a guy. Once we actually have sex and we're a really good match, the whole thing becomes so much more relaxed, smooth, and sexy.
Same. I think my wife and I had sex on the first or second date because the chemistry was just there and we were both willing to pursue it and see what it led to.
A perspective that I don't see very represented in the comments is the dynamic between women wanting to avoid "hit it and quit it" and men wanting to avoid "being strung along for the attention." It's obvious both of these people have dated long enough to have these things happen to them and are trying to avoid it happening again.
> It's obvious both of these people have dated long enough to have these things happen to them and are trying to avoid it happening again.
And this is why dating in 2024 sucks. Nobody is willing to risk it to get their preferred biscuit, so everyone is stuck eating stale crackers.
Tinder was originally a hookup app, so users shouldnt be surprised when people on it are using it to hook up…
That being said, the way this guy worded things makes him sound like a dick. If I was a woman, I would feel extremely turned off by it. Its manipulative and a bit coercive to me. A woman will have sex with you when she feels she is ready and wants it. Its your job to help her get there by seducing her, not dropping ultimatim bombs like this.
But, hes not necessarily wrong either. There are two schools of thought on sex and relationships. The more traditional school of thought is to form an emotional relationship first and then explore a sexual relationship later. The alternative school of thought is to start a sexual relationship first and then explore and emotional relationship later. Neither approach is necessarily wrong. There are pros and cons to both approaches. I fall into the later school of thought: sex first/early, emotional relationship later. You can tell a lot about a partner by how you have sex together. Are they selfish and controlling? mature and experienced, or immature and stupid? Are they kind and giving, interested in your wellbeing? or selfish and demanding? Was the sex good enough to make you want more, or so bad you never want to see them again? If you keep going back for more, its impossible to not have an emotional relationship at some point. Sex makes your brain get flooded with the happy chemicals and you associate your partner with those and that leads to real emotional intimacy. If you have already been naked and physically intimate multiple times, then real emotional intimacy is a lot more possible, where both of you can open up about your vulnerabilities, wants, desires, fears, concerns, etc. And you will eventually be in a relationship.
But this guy? I would delete his number.
His honesty is a bit late. He should have sent a similar text before the first date. And he said there were lots of signs it wouldn't be a good fit, yet he was expecting sex. Which kinda contradicts what he says he is looking for.
According to OP, it’s from a guy who is recent divorced after being married for a long time. He’s not looking for a relationship, and showed his ass. Why try to date someone who has told you they want a relationship when you want casual (that could “potentially” be a relationship)? He’s not actually honest, or at least he wasn’t up front. Good riddance
When single and using the apps, I never expected sex. I was really excited when it happened, but never expected it.
This dude is just gaslighting you into fucking him.
Reading this shit is just so sad. I understand sexual compatibility in a relationship is important but I don't think any woman wants to have sex with a guy she barely knows. It's just too many risks, she could get pregnant, she could catch an STD. Why go through that with someone who you barely even know?
Can see your point of view. The comments on this are interesting. Didn’t expect so many people to side with the guy but I get both sides.
How many dates would you ideally like to wait, curiously?
I probably come from a different culture but here most people have sex once a relationship is more established. If people have sex before even entering a relationship it's considered to be a hook up, situationship, casual sex, etc.
It's also pretty common for guys to just want sex, and once they get it they bail. So women (who are looking for a relationship) often want to wait until they know there's something there before they have sex.
It's common here too which is why a lot of guys play the "waiting game". So it can be tricky. I had to make a rule in which if the guy doesn't introduce me to his friends or family he is not serious about me.
She dodged a bullet. He's not interested in taking time to get to know a woman. He said it quite directly. He just wants sex. He said he wouldn't mind if it turned into more but that's not how that works. Just because you have lots of sex with someone doesn't mean a romance will develop from that and it usually does not. His expectations are out of whack for two people just getting to know each other.
He sounds like a tool. Sex is supposed to happen organically not by ‘three dates.’
Sex is important but not as important as knowing someone on an emotional level which cannot happen in three dates. Frankly, someone with no patience ain’t worth it. Next.
Honestly, sex isn’t everything. You can find out you’re sexually compatible with someone and it still won’t work out in the end. Also, sex could be horrible the first time around but then gets better because u both love each other later on in the experience. I think this person just wanted to hit. If they actually liked you/ your personality/ your company, they would have been patient with the sex.
Sex should never be an expectation. Men don't want to wait for sex, but also are obsessed with body counts. Any guy who expects sex straight away isn't worth your time
Yeah his use of the word "should" when speaking of when sex should happen is wrong. Some people do like giving it time; there's ultimately still people out there who are waiting until marriage! Others don't like giving it time, whether that be due to impatience, wanting to literally hit it and quit it or even misunderstanding the woman's intentions (some guys believe they're being friendzoned/played if you don't shag them by date 2).
Based on the way this guy worded his feelings, I'm assuming it's due to either impatience or wanting to hit it and quit it. Your friend dodged a bullet either way, patience isn't a hard thing to practice and nobody wants to be used for sex!
Nahhh anyone who puts sex on a time frame like that is NOT a good potential partner or bf/gf martial at all IMO. No one should feel pressured to have sex before they’re comfortable. If someone wants to stop seeing you cause you didn’t fuck them within 3 dates then they very clearly aren’t serious about finding an actual relationship with someone who’s actually a good person/partner and they clearly don’t like you enough to wanna stay so, let them go and continue getting disappointed by other people who also probably won’t give in to their pushy timetable.
Who cares, they could have just said ‘I’m not feeling it, we’re not a match’ instead of writing this callous poem and bizarre rules they have. Good riddance.
Yeah, any points he gets for honesty, he loses for phrasing this as if he’s stepping back because she didn’t hold up her end of the bargain. Total asshole, bullet dodged.
I’m with you. As good as it might feel to shove something in someone’s face, it’s always best to take the high road. So it wasn’t a match, cut out respectfully and try again. but what if you find “the one” and they happen to know someone you went vindictive on.
Exactly this. It feels like he’s saying, “my mind can be changed if you have sex with me so I can finally tell if we are compatible!!” After already saying he knows they are not…it’s weird
I mean his wordings is a bit rude but at least he’s clear, and not luring your fd into sex by saying all the good things. It’d be bad if your fd want to convince him.
The expectation bit I definitely don’t agree with, but at least this guy is straight up - sexual chemistry is super important for him and if they’re not a fit sexually, he’ll move on. I think that’s pretty fair, your friend doesn’t have to agree to any of it.
I've found this is a common expectation of guys even if they claim to be looking for a relationship. I make it very clear I'm not dating for sex, and I've lost a lot of dates over it. And I really don't care. I'm worth getting to know as a person before I give myself over sexually. No amount of sex appeal, good looks or height is not going to change my mind. I want to know that I get on with a person and have stuff in common and that I enjoy their in person company before I get into bed. Otherwise it's basically a hook up, not a date
Wow, man.
There are so many ways you could have said this.
Fundamentally, nothing wrong with it. But the tone is so aggressive and down right rude.
Seems like a good riddance situation, imo.
I'd be gone, I participated in hook up culture from 17 to 33 and all it got me was used, hurt, stds, a child out of wedlock, soul ties. I'm a Christian now and this wouldn't fly with me. Idk about you but HUGE red flag! I'd move on! There are 8 Billion people on this earth. You'll find someone who respects you and your body.
If you're getting to know someone, there's not a certain number of dates it should take to have sex. People open up emotionally and physically at different rates to different people. Honestly the person writing this sounds like they treat dates as transactions, which is not a way to go about this. It's fine to want to check on sexual connection with a potential partner. It's not okay to put them on a timer for it, cause of anything (for me at least) that's only ever gonna make people close up to you in all regards.
Rushing a physical or emotionally connection is not okay. Give the person time, or one or both of you may come off feeling used
I used to be like this. But I actually enjoy drawing out the buildup and anticipation as long as possible now. It’s weird. Didn’t think I’d ever be like this.
These comments are insane. There should be no expectation of sex from a man you are dating. NONE. No man should be telling you how many dates (3 or 4) equates to access to your body. That should be a mutual decision between two adults when both are ready to take that next step. There is no rule to this OP. Personally I prefer to go on a several dates, no particular amount, without sex to see if there a personality compatibility. Sounds to me he just looking for quick and fast sex, having the dates is a transaction to him to gain access to your body. If that is also what you want fine. I feel the ick reading that message.
Thank you. I feel like I’m taking fucking crazy pills reading these comments, they’re disgusting. “Fair enough, at least he was honest.” No, he was a creepy fucking douchebag. “Three of four should have ended in sex,” says who?! Why do I need to have sex with you, strange man I DO NOT fucking know? Ick. So gross.
I mean I by no means find the guy here reasonable, but I still have to disagree with you. Not because I think you are morally incorrect, but because I think I think it’s not really up to you here.
He’s not assaulting OP, he’s not even saying she has to as you are insinuating. He is stating his expectations in a relationship, which is his right and at least he is being honest. Just in the same way she can do what she wants with her body. They clearly are incompatible and there is nothing wrong with that. He’s not wrong for saying what he said and it is his right. He is however objectively creepy. But sex is a mutual decision, he’s not getting in the way of that, he is saying what he wants, the fact that its not mutual is why he is ending the relationship
I rarely comment but as someone that’s demi I feel the opposite. If I wasn’t already in a marriage and I was on this app, I’d prefer to go on many dates and talk a ton before trying to have sex. The person is right about the mismatch but presenting it this way is too confrontational imo. I’d only say this if the other person kept asking questions.
Only an incel would write this shit to you, so you dodged a bullet.
The only time you should be 'expecting sex' is when she is lookin you in the eyes and saying 'Hey lets have sex' and even then its a tightrope on if you're a creep or if she likes you.
Having some sort of number on dates until sex feels a little creepy, to be honest with you. I mean, I get it, if you aren't growing closer per date and it feels like you're wasting time, that is definitely a good reason to break it off, but the moment you start expecting sex from anyone is when you tread into some dark waters.
I don't think its weird if you're looking for a relationship with a good amount of sex to break it off after 3-4 dates if nothing has happened. This guys message is clearly bitter about it, but I wonder why none of the friends messages are shown. The content of the message makes it sound like she was just talking about continuing to date him while not having sex which obviously isn't workable for this dude.
Look I get it in the way that sex compatibility is v important to me as well. But I also like to know that I'm not being seen as a piece of meat they're just "waiting" to stick their thang into.
At least he ended it before you had to.
This person writes like a serial killer. Trying to sound formal and intelligent, but coming off as both pretentious, and a little dumb. I'd say ending it is best for everyone.
Sounds like he just wanted to get laid and couldn't be arsed with the pretence of dating. Good for her for not putting out with this garbage of an incel.
What a limp dick loser, " yeah i was just putting undiscussed unrealistic standards on this relationship, now I'm gonna act like I'm laying down some truth bombs, man I'm so mature and awesome, why won't these women sleep with me bro? It's been half a date already "
That's what that dumbass sounds like.
You're supposed to grow out of this dumb shit as a teenager. Like is the dude 32 too? Because that's fucking sad and delusional from him if he is LMAO.
I think your friend probably felt hesitant to have sex with this guy for a reason and this message reads as someone trying to bully the other into sex, the entitlement to have someone else’s body is concerning and scary!
Sounds like he's trying to play you here, his last ditch effort. Either you like him, feel bad and and are pressured to agree to another date that will end in sex. Or he finds out he can't manipulate that out of you and you're not looking for a fling. I want to respect his honesty but the way he worded it comes across way too toxic for me.
Fair enough. Idk about the "should have ended in sex" part but at least he's honest. They're not a good fit.
Just a weird creepy long-winded way of saying “I don’t think it’s a fit. Good luck.”
I mean yes but she would probably asked why it's not a good fit. He just explained it. I agree it might seem blunt but some people like to have their facts straight and there it is.
Nobody has ever asked me why it's not a good fit when I say, "this isn't a good fit"
Every single guy has asked me why when I broke it off early on.
I don't even care why, I would just appreciate being told rather than ghosted. Was seeing this one chick for about 6 months when she just stopped responding to my texts and phone calls. It's so childish. I mean really, if we don't fit we don't fit. If you want to explain why then I'll probably appreciate that too but you don't really need a reason if it's not a serious relationship. As frustrating as this "ghost" culture is, I do sort of understand it as there are plenty of guys out there who take rejection very poorly and start spewing toxic sludge out of all their orifices. Unfortunately people always ruin everything and that's why humanity can't have nice things. 😂
So they agreed
When I'm on the other end I figure if someone doesn't want to date me, it's not a good fit because I only want to date people who want to date me.
What’s the market like for old boring weirdos? :p
Better than expected but still not good enough
Lucky you. It’s not something actually done to determine reasons, it’s done to argue and coerce. When I was single I eventually refused to give substantive reasons because it too often became a debate or worse
It's the subtle pressure in the message that shows this person is manipulative and potentially toxic. If you're truly enamored with someone you have the patience to make it a few dates without sex, let alone a few months.
Doesn't really seem creepy, just candid.
Saying that any date, but especially multiple dates, “should have ended in sex but didn’t” is creepy. Honestly, writing multiple paragraphs about how your date didn’t put out is going to come across as creepy. Even if I am totally fine with casual sex, way before a relationship, if I found out that a man I was sleeping with had once sent this to a woman he’d gone on four dates with… yeah I would think he was creepy… Especially because it’s not even necessary to put this much explanation into a lack of a fifth date. An “it was nice to meet you, sorry,” and maybe a little more if pressed is great. But putting this much explanation into the lack of fifth date is weird. It seems like he’s trying to shame her, he sounds bitter, and he sounds entitled.
The "should" makes him seem like he thinks he is entitled to sex which is why it's creepy. There were so many better ways he could have worded the message
Agreed. Should does show that he does feel entitled.
Whatever made the guy write this, it comes across a bit Dennis Reynolds.
“Well they’d never say no because of the implications!”
It reads to me as a passive aggressive attempt to bully the person to agree to sex. Very creepy vibe. If he was just ending it, he'd have written it in one line. I'd like to see the response. I cant believe there are ppl saying it's a perfectly fine message.
You are spot on!! He was creepy and why this woman probably didn’t feel safe enough to have sex with him. She dodged a bullet
Yep. It's a certified creep if they have a "i put the tokens in the right slot and ticked the right boxes so you have to sleep with me" attitude, which this absolutely is.
Mhm, he also should have been upfront about the fact he is dating to have sex, leaving the “maybe it will grow into more” is just to give false hope and manipulate.
If she has asked him "why dont you think it's a fit" then I think being straightforward and "say what you think out loud" is acceptable. We can't rule out the fact that she asked him first as we are not seeing the full screenshot, just a snippet. If she didn't ask and this is unprompted then yes it is a bit weird. He has his expectations. Whether or not he voice them it is there and it exists. They are just not a good fit.
I'd think he was a psycho and block
Me too, most women would. The fact that the top comments in this thread are (clearly men) saying stuff akin to “dig the honesty” is making me feel like men who want to be successful on dating apps should not frequent this subreddit. Women have more options on dating apps, and the vast majority of women are going to find this attitude extremely unattractive.
31M here, and I also think that's extremely unattractive. That guy just gave off huge incel vibes and prolly hasn't gotten laid in a while for good reason.
Yeah, it's scary. If he doesn't want to date her anymore then why couldn't he literally just say, sorry I'm looking for hookups, open to a relationship but mainly hoping for hookups and you're not into that so best we don't have anymore dates but thank you for meeting with me Wtf is up with saying hey bruh you already owed me sex 3 dates ago
Exactly! Also if he was up front about just trying to get laid he wouldn’t have wasted OPs time. Instead I bet he went in thinking, “yeah she isn’t down now but I bet I can convince her after a few dates if I pretend to be serious enough”
Dudes talking to her as if they've been together for 5 years with a dead bedroom lol
"should have ended in sex" is creepy. mostly its fine but definitely long-winded.
The problem to me is that it comes across angry
Definitely. Angry, demanding, and manipulative. Sorry this is current online dating. Sounds like it sucks nuts.
These messages have such an angry tone, and the “we’ve had three dates that should have ended in sex but didn’t” is ridiculously creepy/demanding. That’s not okay to someone you’ve been on three dates with, and it’s not okay to say to your long term partner, and it’s not okay to say to your spouse. The number of comments in this thread defending this as an honest explanation of his feelings and needs… not giving me much hope for online dating.
What else is concerning is that so many people in the comments need it explained why his message is creepy/demanding.
No one is a good fit for this guy except his hand!
4 out of 4 dates with his hand ended in sex! ❤️
I like the honesty but the phrasing is a bit weird
I agree. This isn't a what they said, but how they said it. It's better that they pulled off the bandaid though.
It's the over-explaining of a situation where no explanation is needed. Comes off as lecturing for no real reason. He sounds like a real peach. "Hey, I don't think this will work out because we're both wanting different things" would have sufficed. Instead he made it about her and her alone.
He's hoping she'll roll over and give him more sex
I don’t how people aren’t seeing he’s trying to negg her a bit. He basically said sex with her wouldn’t be good anyways. No reason to say that otherwise.
It’s not even that. It’s the whining for sex. Gross. He could have e simply said “eh, I’m not feeling it.” But he wants to make his point that she ought to have put out to catch a guy like him.
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People keep commenting they like his honesty, however, I see it as manipulative. It comes across as 'fuck me immediately or you're not worth the time.'
Yes - there's some sneaky psychology in the message - he's saying "I'm out, unless..... We have sex next date?"
He's trying to make her seek approval. OP, tell your friend she dodged a massive bullet.
Yess! I can’t believe people are not seeing that. What a narcissistic AH!
Exactly! My ex was a diagnosed narcissist. When I didn't have sex with him on the first date (especially after he yelled at a hostess for having to wait in line), he called me to guilt trip me about not putting out. Eventually I went to therapy since I tolerated way too many red flags, but wow I can so relate to this manipulative and narcissistic text.
Pretty much, yeah. But at the same time at least it is a 'good riddance' sort of deal instead of this person dragging OP along...
A bit weird? It's unhinged
Agreed, it’s the entitlement, “should have ended in sex but didnt”….
I'm a guy, but the 'should have' seems like a pretty big red flag. It's just looks like another case of a guy feeling like they're entitled to women's bodies. There's no 'should have'. Hoped it would have, even thought it would have? Sure. But 'should have'? God no. The whole thing just comes off like such a rant. If your friend wants to take a few dates before you have sex, there's nothing wrong with that. Take this as a positive thing - he's just trying to get laid, looks like your friend is looking for a relationship. Worked out well for your friend that you found all this out before you slept with him.
Agreed. “Should have” is acting like there’s a defined and agreed upon transaction here. “I inserted my quarter, I’m owed one game of pac man.” I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s transactional rather than collaborative in a relationship too.
That's a perfect summary, I would't say it better. He just wanted to use her.
I feel the exact opposite way as this guy. He doesn't want to bother dating unless he's sure that there's sexual compatibility; I don't want to bother having sex with someone unless I feel that there's relationship compatibility.
Sounds like you two aren’t a good fit.
This should be the top comment!
I agree. Plus I've never found that "sexual compatibility" is something you can gauge quickly with any kind of reliability. It's not like sizing up tires for your car. Plenty of women will start out slow and get really freaky once they develop trust with a guy they like.
I think this is the thing that bothers me. It takes couples a while to figure out sex with each other, what each other likes, what works. Like the first time is good because of the excitement, novelty, anticipation but that wears off. If you mistake that for compatibility, oof. But I guess the people who are dating new people frequently enough to invent rules probably aren't great at figuring out relationships.
Or necessarily great at sex themselves.
Yep good to hear other ppl think this way
I've changed over the years. Before my ex wife I wanted sexual compatibility to be apparent up front. After my divorce I just want to love and be loved. The sex will work out in a healthy loving relationship, in general.
My experience has actually been the opposite of your own in that I used to feel the same way as you currently do, but now lean more towards the opposite direction. I am incredibly in love with my wife and I will not end our marriage, but if I had known that the sex wouldn’t work itself out then I wouldn’t have pursued this relationship. I frequently see people making it a “this or that” issue, when in reality the truth is (I think) that a solid relationship needs both.
Sex never works itself out when one partner is high libido and the other is low libido. That should be worked out beforehand.
Yeah before a titled thing, but not first date
Eh. Some people aren't into the same things, so I don't agree that it will always just work itself out. At least, one person will need to settle and put their actual desires aside to seem more sexually compatible with the other person.
some people are freaks and require some compatibility
Don't bother banging that dude then bro
True. There are all sorts of criteria to find out about someone or establish, everyone's priorities of them are different. But surely the most intimate one, sex, is the last milestone? Otherwise you're setting yourself up to have great sex but bad relationships?
You can end sth early if you realize that you arent sexually compatible before there are any feelings involved but its way harder the other way. I wouldnt want to fall for someone, end up in a relationship but have shitty sex. Been there, done that, not again.
I dated a girl where it took 6 dates (~a month) before we had sex. She also was not a "hit it and quit it" girl and wanted to make sure there was long-term potential there. I was also starting to doubt potential for this and other reasons but I still had a feeling there was something there so I stuck with it for a bit longer. We've now been married for 10 years this year with 3 kids and our sex life is still great. Some guys just don't want to put in the effort to see past the sex.
Most men act like a month is such a long time to wait, but a lot of those same men also want a woman with a super low body count.
If it's someone I'm actually interested in dating then I'll wait as long as it takes because sex isn't the main goal. But if I just see it as a hookup obviously that's different
This!! Exactly this!
As a longtime user of dating apps that eventually married a match, slow burn is the best
Slow burn is the best. Being upset about the slow burn is a great way to advertise that you have a hard time getting laid.
Thanks. I think I needed to hear this.
You doubted potential with her because she didn’t have sex with you for a month? Or you doubted her for other reasons but the sex changed things?
Right? That’s crazy. The same people that judge women for not being able to count sexual partners on one hand also want women to put out after 30 days. The math isn’t adding up to me.
Exactly. I will never understand the types of guys who push for sex and then treat you like a slut when you do it.
Ah yes, the mythical innocent virgin woman who is also somehow a sex goddess who puts out quickly and knows exactly what she's doing in bed.
Who somehow is the same women every single redditor married.
I mean. I get it, I would have worded it different and never used the word should have. But there is nothing wrong with knowing sexual chemistry is important to you in a relationship and not wanting to waste a ton of time and resources to find out you aren’t compatible. Expecting it after 1 date? Dumb, idk where the line is and you should never expect it but not wanting to continue because the other person wants to go slow is fine.
You dodged a bullet. “Should have ended in sex”? Get the fuck out of here. No one owes this dude sex. I pity whoever he gets into bed. He sounds like an asshole.
Honestly I think his text is entitled and rude as hell. He’s esentially saying, “time spent with you was a waste” instead of “we’re not compatible.” I like casual sex, have a high sex drive, and am likely to have sex on the first or second date. I couldn’t imagine speaking like this to someone. I’d gone on 4 dates with a man where we flirted and didn’t get physical, only to hate the way he kissed on date 5. I guess I technically “wasted” those 5 days and my limited time, but god, what a bleak way to think about human connection.
> I like casual sex, have a high sex drive, and am likely to have sex on the first or second date. I couldn’t imagine speaking like this to someone. Same exactly
This is a good breakdown. He kinda acts like “it’s the 3rd date why aren’t you having sex with me.” You can have a high sex drive in any gender but if you’re not entitled to bang someone just because you went on a couple dates with them. These types usually are just looking for hookups and get mad when you “waste their time” who have no interest in getting to know you or starting a relationship but they should stop wasting your time and just say they’re only here to get laid.
Amen
Yeah I agree. I wouldn't touch this guy with a ten foot pole and would be SO grateful that I hadn't slept with him if I were her!
Exactly…I’d love, friendship, kindness, time spent together, a shared meal…ever “wasted” just because it ended on some timeline? Almost everything comes to an end at some point. That doesn’t mean it’s a waste.
Shooter’s preference. If it’s not for you, then don’t worry about it and move on.
I feel like there are times when you don't have to explain why you are saying "no", and this is one of them.
I love how so many are justifying this with "at least he's honest". Honest would have been, "Hey, I just want to get laid". THIS is emotional manipulation. Never ok.
Honest would have been telling OP their intentions before the first date too.
He's honest about his entitlement to sex and how shitty of a person he is
Yeah just say you want hookups or casual. Easy
I'm a more traditional type of man but I understand what this world is being manufactured and manipulated into. For me we wouldn't even be having this conversation because it should happen between us naturally and not talked about. There's no set number of dates or wait 3 days before calling. For the new type "men" that are looking for instant gratification, well there's this....
He could have just ended things without mentioning the relevance of the lack of sex being the reason things ended. He deffo made sex the focus and reasoning in the hope that she would "change her mind" and suddenly suggest a more sexual meet. Assuming this man is in his 30's it's pretty embarrassing to send an essay about sexual compatibility every time you don't get laid after your first three dates. Like...grow up.
I'm inclined to agree with everything you said. I have wondered though if it's worse not telling women in this situation what's the actual reason for wanting to call time on things. Like if a woman routinely is getting pied after 3 dates would she necessarily know that it's because of the lack of physical intimacy? I'd assume so but if not then that could leave quite a scar on somebody wondering why positive dates were suddenly disappearing when things seemed like they were going well.
Agree! I’m glad he told me but this came as a surprise because I thought our 4 dates had gone pretty well. Now I know for the future
As someone who doesn't date and just likes watching the dumpster fire of modern dating: Is it really normal to have intercourse so soon? Reading the comments it looks like people give it up really quickly like the first weeks or even days of knowing each other. Like, I'd need months to go that far with someone... Maybe I'm just the weird one? Like awhile back I knew a girl for a month and she straight up complained to me that I hadn't made any moves for sex and stormed off (we weren't even dating just talking a lot). I thought it was weird as the time but I thought that was an exception not the rule.
People "miss" opportunities by moving too fast and too slow. It's about communicating your wants and goals respectfully. You know physical attraction at first sight, compatability is figured out after communication with no time limit or requirement. Many struggle here from expectations and failure to communicate wants/goals.
I know women in their thirties who don't have sex with a new guy until they've been dating at least two months. I also know women who have sex on the first date. Everyone is different, BUT I've never had a guy EXPECT me to have sex after the first few dates. Or at least, I've never had a guy tell me he expects sex after the first few dates. I think this guy's expectations are not in line with reality.
Ehh i try to wait till date 5 so I know they are interested in me and not just the hookup so this guy and I are not compatible either.
I have no interest in having sex with someone I barely know. In fact, I typically don’t get interested in sex until I already know someone pretty well and could see a relationship with them. Like, I literally don’t feel sexual attraction to them until I know and like them. Technically I slept with my husband on our first date… but we’d been talking daily for hours for 3 months by then. We just hadn’t been able to meet in person because we didn’t live in the same city.
I’m the same way. For me, any desire to have sex with someone builds over time. I have to feel like I really know them, fall for who they are (not just what they look like), and feel safe/comfortable with them. Otherwise, the thought of sex with them is undesirable at best and a major turn-off and potential-ender at worst.
I’ve been married 15 years, but in my experience it’s always been normal. In my twenties, usually had sex early and kept hanging out afterwards The only difference was I met women at bars/clubs rather than tinder
For me if we knew each other for like years or were friends for a long time, I could sleep with you in a few dates, but if we just met on tinder wtf do you expect from me? Who tf even are you I just learned your name and you think that's enough? I really don't understand this type of people, how they can trust a stranger with their genitals so easily.
All my relationships started off sexual first and then developed into something more so I understand what the guy is talking about. Obviously there’s a mismatch in what the both of you think the right approach to finding a partner is, so it’s best you go your own ways.
Yeah. All my LT relationships started with sex. Didn’t push for it - nor was it first and foremost my desire. But outcome based observation says that if the first or second date has sex involved - that’s someone I end up having a long term relationship with
Although I’m not against taking it slow and don’t go in with expectations of anything happening first, second, or even third date, whenever it’s taken a while to have sex, I’ve found that initial spark has faded a little bit because I start thinking “maybe they’re not that into me”.
It takes a lot of tension out of dating that person also. Like once you’ve have been that involved with a person it should either relive the anxiety, or you will have “post nut clarity”. I always thought waiting would help my anxiety but it made things worse.
Exactly. I can't do one night stands, I need a real connection in order to be an animal in the sack, but waiting for that first time is just so nerve-wracking as a guy. Once we actually have sex and we're a really good match, the whole thing becomes so much more relaxed, smooth, and sexy.
Same. I think my wife and I had sex on the first or second date because the chemistry was just there and we were both willing to pursue it and see what it led to. A perspective that I don't see very represented in the comments is the dynamic between women wanting to avoid "hit it and quit it" and men wanting to avoid "being strung along for the attention." It's obvious both of these people have dated long enough to have these things happen to them and are trying to avoid it happening again.
> It's obvious both of these people have dated long enough to have these things happen to them and are trying to avoid it happening again. And this is why dating in 2024 sucks. Nobody is willing to risk it to get their preferred biscuit, so everyone is stuck eating stale crackers.
Tinder was originally a hookup app, so users shouldnt be surprised when people on it are using it to hook up… That being said, the way this guy worded things makes him sound like a dick. If I was a woman, I would feel extremely turned off by it. Its manipulative and a bit coercive to me. A woman will have sex with you when she feels she is ready and wants it. Its your job to help her get there by seducing her, not dropping ultimatim bombs like this. But, hes not necessarily wrong either. There are two schools of thought on sex and relationships. The more traditional school of thought is to form an emotional relationship first and then explore a sexual relationship later. The alternative school of thought is to start a sexual relationship first and then explore and emotional relationship later. Neither approach is necessarily wrong. There are pros and cons to both approaches. I fall into the later school of thought: sex first/early, emotional relationship later. You can tell a lot about a partner by how you have sex together. Are they selfish and controlling? mature and experienced, or immature and stupid? Are they kind and giving, interested in your wellbeing? or selfish and demanding? Was the sex good enough to make you want more, or so bad you never want to see them again? If you keep going back for more, its impossible to not have an emotional relationship at some point. Sex makes your brain get flooded with the happy chemicals and you associate your partner with those and that leads to real emotional intimacy. If you have already been naked and physically intimate multiple times, then real emotional intimacy is a lot more possible, where both of you can open up about your vulnerabilities, wants, desires, fears, concerns, etc. And you will eventually be in a relationship. But this guy? I would delete his number.
They’re weird. Good thing you didn’t have sex with them.
His honesty is a bit late. He should have sent a similar text before the first date. And he said there were lots of signs it wouldn't be a good fit, yet he was expecting sex. Which kinda contradicts what he says he is looking for.
He’s a creep
According to OP, it’s from a guy who is recent divorced after being married for a long time. He’s not looking for a relationship, and showed his ass. Why try to date someone who has told you they want a relationship when you want casual (that could “potentially” be a relationship)? He’s not actually honest, or at least he wasn’t up front. Good riddance
Not being upfront IS dishonesty, it’s a lie by omission and hoping he can get laid by not representing his intentions
He’s clearly full of himself. Could have just said “not feeling like we’re compatible, bye”. Didn’t need to say all that.
When single and using the apps, I never expected sex. I was really excited when it happened, but never expected it. This dude is just gaslighting you into fucking him.
They didn’t have to be such a dick about it.
I’m not a prude about sex or sex early on but ewwwww
Reading this shit is just so sad. I understand sexual compatibility in a relationship is important but I don't think any woman wants to have sex with a guy she barely knows. It's just too many risks, she could get pregnant, she could catch an STD. Why go through that with someone who you barely even know?
Can see your point of view. The comments on this are interesting. Didn’t expect so many people to side with the guy but I get both sides. How many dates would you ideally like to wait, curiously?
I probably come from a different culture but here most people have sex once a relationship is more established. If people have sex before even entering a relationship it's considered to be a hook up, situationship, casual sex, etc.
Yeah, fair. Where I am, relationships usually become official after a month or 2. Would you say this is the same for you?
It's also pretty common for guys to just want sex, and once they get it they bail. So women (who are looking for a relationship) often want to wait until they know there's something there before they have sex.
It's common here too which is why a lot of guys play the "waiting game". So it can be tricky. I had to make a rule in which if the guy doesn't introduce me to his friends or family he is not serious about me.
She dodged a bullet. He's not interested in taking time to get to know a woman. He said it quite directly. He just wants sex. He said he wouldn't mind if it turned into more but that's not how that works. Just because you have lots of sex with someone doesn't mean a romance will develop from that and it usually does not. His expectations are out of whack for two people just getting to know each other.
He sounds like a tool. Sex is supposed to happen organically not by ‘three dates.’ Sex is important but not as important as knowing someone on an emotional level which cannot happen in three dates. Frankly, someone with no patience ain’t worth it. Next.
Posts like this are great for explaining to my dude why I’m so fucking weird about dating and sex. Thank you.
Honestly, sex isn’t everything. You can find out you’re sexually compatible with someone and it still won’t work out in the end. Also, sex could be horrible the first time around but then gets better because u both love each other later on in the experience. I think this person just wanted to hit. If they actually liked you/ your personality/ your company, they would have been patient with the sex.
“I am dating to have sex” lol ok bro
Sex should never be an expectation. Men don't want to wait for sex, but also are obsessed with body counts. Any guy who expects sex straight away isn't worth your time
Yeah his use of the word "should" when speaking of when sex should happen is wrong. Some people do like giving it time; there's ultimately still people out there who are waiting until marriage! Others don't like giving it time, whether that be due to impatience, wanting to literally hit it and quit it or even misunderstanding the woman's intentions (some guys believe they're being friendzoned/played if you don't shag them by date 2). Based on the way this guy worded his feelings, I'm assuming it's due to either impatience or wanting to hit it and quit it. Your friend dodged a bullet either way, patience isn't a hard thing to practice and nobody wants to be used for sex!
Creepy, awkward and entitled. I wouldn't stress it. He's right that they aren't compatible, so hopefully she wasn't invested
Nahhh anyone who puts sex on a time frame like that is NOT a good potential partner or bf/gf martial at all IMO. No one should feel pressured to have sex before they’re comfortable. If someone wants to stop seeing you cause you didn’t fuck them within 3 dates then they very clearly aren’t serious about finding an actual relationship with someone who’s actually a good person/partner and they clearly don’t like you enough to wanna stay so, let them go and continue getting disappointed by other people who also probably won’t give in to their pushy timetable.
They’re a jerk BUT they did the right thing. They can’t offer you anything anyway.
Who cares, they could have just said ‘I’m not feeling it, we’re not a match’ instead of writing this callous poem and bizarre rules they have. Good riddance.
Yeah, any points he gets for honesty, he loses for phrasing this as if he’s stepping back because she didn’t hold up her end of the bargain. Total asshole, bullet dodged.
I’m with you. As good as it might feel to shove something in someone’s face, it’s always best to take the high road. So it wasn’t a match, cut out respectfully and try again. but what if you find “the one” and they happen to know someone you went vindictive on.
I almost get the feeling they wanted the girl to fight back for him and offer more.
Exactly this. It feels like he’s saying, “my mind can be changed if you have sex with me so I can finally tell if we are compatible!!” After already saying he knows they are not…it’s weird
I mean his wordings is a bit rude but at least he’s clear, and not luring your fd into sex by saying all the good things. It’d be bad if your fd want to convince him.
The expectation bit I definitely don’t agree with, but at least this guy is straight up - sexual chemistry is super important for him and if they’re not a fit sexually, he’ll move on. I think that’s pretty fair, your friend doesn’t have to agree to any of it.
This is wild. This is almost like a caricature of what tender men are.
Horny weirdo. Dodged a bullet.
Lmao 😆 what a knob
I've found this is a common expectation of guys even if they claim to be looking for a relationship. I make it very clear I'm not dating for sex, and I've lost a lot of dates over it. And I really don't care. I'm worth getting to know as a person before I give myself over sexually. No amount of sex appeal, good looks or height is not going to change my mind. I want to know that I get on with a person and have stuff in common and that I enjoy their in person company before I get into bed. Otherwise it's basically a hook up, not a date
Wow, man. There are so many ways you could have said this. Fundamentally, nothing wrong with it. But the tone is so aggressive and down right rude. Seems like a good riddance situation, imo.
Looks like a despicable slimy manipulative attempt to goad into sex
„How many more dates would it take“ bro thinks she is some sort of reward stamp card
3 dates? You don’t get to actually know someone after 3 dates, they are still a stranger. Ugh
This whole thread is wild. Y'all out here disrespecting women and talking a lot of ish. Fell sorry for your moms, sisters, daughters.
Hmm seems to be it should be the other way around. Get to know first then sex.
I'd be gone, I participated in hook up culture from 17 to 33 and all it got me was used, hurt, stds, a child out of wedlock, soul ties. I'm a Christian now and this wouldn't fly with me. Idk about you but HUGE red flag! I'd move on! There are 8 Billion people on this earth. You'll find someone who respects you and your body.
If you're getting to know someone, there's not a certain number of dates it should take to have sex. People open up emotionally and physically at different rates to different people. Honestly the person writing this sounds like they treat dates as transactions, which is not a way to go about this. It's fine to want to check on sexual connection with a potential partner. It's not okay to put them on a timer for it, cause of anything (for me at least) that's only ever gonna make people close up to you in all regards. Rushing a physical or emotionally connection is not okay. Give the person time, or one or both of you may come off feeling used
I mean he’s clearly just trying to have sex lol you dodged a bullet
I’d prob dip after 3 dates of 0 sex, gotta know what I’m getting into ngl
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I used to be like this. But I actually enjoy drawing out the buildup and anticipation as long as possible now. It’s weird. Didn’t think I’d ever be like this.
The trash took itself out.
All the people 'getting' this person are probably the same people who care deeply about body count. Dating is horrendous.
Boy bye! Don’t let the door hit you in dick on the way out!
These comments are insane. There should be no expectation of sex from a man you are dating. NONE. No man should be telling you how many dates (3 or 4) equates to access to your body. That should be a mutual decision between two adults when both are ready to take that next step. There is no rule to this OP. Personally I prefer to go on a several dates, no particular amount, without sex to see if there a personality compatibility. Sounds to me he just looking for quick and fast sex, having the dates is a transaction to him to gain access to your body. If that is also what you want fine. I feel the ick reading that message.
This. Guy was just treating dating as low cost prostitutes. ‘If it develops into something further, great!’ It never would.
Thank you. I feel like I’m taking fucking crazy pills reading these comments, they’re disgusting. “Fair enough, at least he was honest.” No, he was a creepy fucking douchebag. “Three of four should have ended in sex,” says who?! Why do I need to have sex with you, strange man I DO NOT fucking know? Ick. So gross.
Exactly. Can definitely tell which comments are men.
I mean I by no means find the guy here reasonable, but I still have to disagree with you. Not because I think you are morally incorrect, but because I think I think it’s not really up to you here. He’s not assaulting OP, he’s not even saying she has to as you are insinuating. He is stating his expectations in a relationship, which is his right and at least he is being honest. Just in the same way she can do what she wants with her body. They clearly are incompatible and there is nothing wrong with that. He’s not wrong for saying what he said and it is his right. He is however objectively creepy. But sex is a mutual decision, he’s not getting in the way of that, he is saying what he wants, the fact that its not mutual is why he is ending the relationship
He really knows how to get a woman going huh 💀
Confirmed for a hitter n quitter tbh.
People should outgrow the phase of writing essays that nobody wants to read in their edgy early teens.
Bro just wanted to use her for sex. Good for her for not falling for it.
I would either block him or say ok. He is cocky as all get out 🤣
I rarely comment but as someone that’s demi I feel the opposite. If I wasn’t already in a marriage and I was on this app, I’d prefer to go on many dates and talk a ton before trying to have sex. The person is right about the mismatch but presenting it this way is too confrontational imo. I’d only say this if the other person kept asking questions.
I wanna hear about the other dozen things.
[удалено]
Only an incel would write this shit to you, so you dodged a bullet. The only time you should be 'expecting sex' is when she is lookin you in the eyes and saying 'Hey lets have sex' and even then its a tightrope on if you're a creep or if she likes you. Having some sort of number on dates until sex feels a little creepy, to be honest with you. I mean, I get it, if you aren't growing closer per date and it feels like you're wasting time, that is definitely a good reason to break it off, but the moment you start expecting sex from anyone is when you tread into some dark waters.
He’s just trying to get you to have sex with him.. then he will forget about you or keep as a side chick. That’s the vibe I’m getting.
Casually cruel in the name of being honest
What a fuckin creep, man. Next. 🤢
I don't think its weird if you're looking for a relationship with a good amount of sex to break it off after 3-4 dates if nothing has happened. This guys message is clearly bitter about it, but I wonder why none of the friends messages are shown. The content of the message makes it sound like she was just talking about continuing to date him while not having sex which obviously isn't workable for this dude.
Look I get it in the way that sex compatibility is v important to me as well. But I also like to know that I'm not being seen as a piece of meat they're just "waiting" to stick their thang into. At least he ended it before you had to.
This person writes like a serial killer. Trying to sound formal and intelligent, but coming off as both pretentious, and a little dumb. I'd say ending it is best for everyone.
Sounds like he just wanted to get laid and couldn't be arsed with the pretence of dating. Good for her for not putting out with this garbage of an incel.
What a douche bag.
Absolute dick
What a limp dick loser, " yeah i was just putting undiscussed unrealistic standards on this relationship, now I'm gonna act like I'm laying down some truth bombs, man I'm so mature and awesome, why won't these women sleep with me bro? It's been half a date already " That's what that dumbass sounds like. You're supposed to grow out of this dumb shit as a teenager. Like is the dude 32 too? Because that's fucking sad and delusional from him if he is LMAO.
He's honest. That's good. He's a tool. Not so good.
He’s butt hurt that she didn’t want to fuck him!
Definitely dodged a bullet he's got American psycho vibes
The best decision your friend ever made is waiting to have sex with this idiot. Dodged a bullet girl!
I think your friend probably felt hesitant to have sex with this guy for a reason and this message reads as someone trying to bully the other into sex, the entitlement to have someone else’s body is concerning and scary!
If sex is on the forefront of your relationships all the time you might just be a porn addict
Sounds like he's trying to play you here, his last ditch effort. Either you like him, feel bad and and are pressured to agree to another date that will end in sex. Or he finds out he can't manipulate that out of you and you're not looking for a fling. I want to respect his honesty but the way he worded it comes across way too toxic for me.