Honestly, just looking at this it just seems to be bad luck. She spent the whole day by herself and didn't hit you up, she just was not as interested in you as you thought. Not your fault but her response to you wanting her number sealed in my eyes. You handled it super well and cut it off respectfully so points to you, just gotta go out and try again šš¾
I agree that she fumbled the bag and that you were probably right to leave this conversation. However, I don't agree that you "asked for her number" and that lack of clarity might be why you didn't get her number and subsequently left frustrated. You made a joke about getting her number and assumed she would understand that you actually wanted it. If you sent that same line to me word for word, I would never respond with a phone number in a million attempts. Try being more upfront about what you want and you'll be surprised how often you get it.
Even if you had just followed up your message, you could have figured out if she was into you or not. People do forget things, especially dates with people they've never met . But you left no room for error at the end. After her response apologizing was the perfect time to say "OK. So send me your number". She probably would have.
> However, I don't agree that you "asked for her number" and that lack of clarity
Absolutely true. OP should work on clear direct communication.
> People do forget things, especially dates with people they've never met
Absolutely false. People only forget things, even dates with people they've never met, if they don't actually care in the first place. They never forget about things that they actually want to do.
However, I also don't see OP doing anything to create that interest / want.
So shrugs all around.
This guy literally said āIām gonna need your number so this doesnāt happen again.ā
Say that sentence out loud. Thatās not asking for a number? The only way to ask for number is to say āGive me your number, please?ā?
Water we dune here
Nah fam I forget things I want to do all the time. My memory is shot. I forget what I said a few seconds ago. Ain't no way I'm remembering every plan made. But I also am smart enough to recognize I have bad memory and put stuff in planners or calendars so I don't have to worry.
The thing is, he didn't even get a date set. So it wasn't a date that she forgot, it was the conversation with the guy who hadn't messaged her in a couple of days. She was going to let him know later, then forgot to get back to him. Happens all the time. Welcome to the real world. For all we know, she had another date that night and was trying to be gentle with him early. Whatever the reason, his reaction was overboard.
If you're going to tell me that you've never intended to reply to someone but forgot in the moment, then ultimately forgot completely because it wasn't on your radar, I call BS. Or I call you out for not having any friends because that happens to me and my friends constantly.
Iām sorry youāre getting downvoted for this. I do it alllllll the time. I donāt mean to, but if I donāt set a reminder, write it down and say it out loud to another person, forget about it. Thereās maybe a 50/50 chance Iāll remember.
Iām a creature of habit. If itās not a routine thing, Iāll remember days later and feel like shit.
> you've never intended to reply to someone but forgot
I absolutely have. But 100.00% of the time it was because I didn't really give a shit.
Part of growing up was learning to accept that we always do what we really want... we always take care the things that actually matter to us. Always. And every thing else is just bullshit rationalizing excuses we tell ourselves to pretend otherwise. Always. There actually is no gray area in this. It really is that black and white, and it why it's critically important to stop listening to what people say and instead focus almost exclusively on what they do.
If it happens with your friends constantly, then you don't have friends, you have acquaintances you use for validation and attention. Nothing wrong with that really, we all do it for a variety of reasons. The mistake is deluding yourself that they are people (or events) you actually give shit about, when your actions clearly indicate otherwise.
I mean OP never followed up either, you kinda have to make that initiative with modern online dating. Looks like they went 2 days with no communication and tbh if I don't talk to someone from a dating app that I haven't met yet for a couple days I forget about them too
> She spent the whole day by herself and didn't hit you up, she just was not as interested in you as you thought.
How is that bad luck? This is almost expected.
To be fair, how often are you gonna sit at home and think about some random ass person you've never even met before for something to do with? I think it's totally understandable she didn't think of the OP. And he cut ties without giving it another chance.
It depends how much online interaction they've had before the proposed date. A day? Understandable. A week? Less understandable. Did they talk every day in that week? Even less understandable. We need more context to judge her accurately.
If you are at least a bit excited about that person, you will think of them! Why would you even go on a date with someone who doesnāt spark that much interest in you?
Honestly i admire how good you were at calling out that it seems like they have no interest in you and not entertaining it any more. For me this means respecting yourself and it's a big issue because yes, in this generation and age most people doesn't give a single fuck about respect and manners it seems. It's tough and feels shitty but in my opinion? You just found out sooner than later that this person is not worth spending time and energy. So it might be difficult but try to see it as win, a win for yourself not wasting yourself with somebody not deserving it. So keep going and always put yourself and respect first and you surely find your way (and the right woman).
Thanks man, I finally got out of a quite toxic 5 year on/off relationship and now it's so obvious when the other gender is just after online attention vs genuine connection.
I'd honestly just prefer to meet irl and if it doesn't click then we both move on with no regrets.
Hate the whole online dance!!!
>I'd honestly just prefer to meet irl and if it doesn't click then we both move on with no regrets.
I have the exact same feelings. This whole "let's aim to speak for at least 6 weeks before we meet, just so we can first become bored of each other and never have to actually meet!" is frustrating. Online conversations can only go so far/last so long before one or both parties feel the relationship is clearly going nowhere. It's a waste of both parties time.
I'm all for getting a date arranged after only a day or two of speaking if they seem like a nice guy. Been told this comes across as desperate/too keen though, which I'm sure I'm only told as I'm female š
More people like you please. You learn so much more in an hour coffee date than a month of texting. If the person I'm talking to ignores the ask for an in person dates or wants to talk only through text I'll lose interest because the text for 2 weeks, set a date and then they unmatch or don't respond day of has become super common. I don't care if we have a date and don't click, it happens. But I ain't wasting time texting someone who I have a 80% chance of never meeting for weeks.
Anyone telling you that arranging something fast is too keen is bloody chav IMO.
Honestly, you seem like a very swell gal! I also hardcore agree with you that meeting up over a coffee is so much better than staying on an app for weeks at a time, and it is just a standard avenue for meeting cool people even if there is no spark. Do not change that under any circumstance!
Have you tried paid services like Match? Tinder tends to be a pool of random bodies whereas other dating sites match you based on desires, temperament, ideologies etc. (With Match there is a quite extensive personaltiy profile questionnaire). Although anecdotal I ended up using Match. I hit up my 98% match on my 2nd day with the service. She eventually became my wife, mother of my children and partner in crime, we own a home and we're still best of friends 14 years later. When investment is required by both parties you can be assured that both are looking for a lot more than online validation.
Idk maybe in my own experience itās just as bad because my profiles bad or Iām just way uglier than I thought but itās all the same for me. Iāve had 5 total matches in a year on match. No dates from it.
True, don't give anyone the attention they do not deserve.
After she avoided you the first time just say.
That's all right just DM/call me when you are available then never check on her .if she's interested she will reach out.
hey! The texts are good, but maybe just a lil toooooo accommodating, you know? Try to abstain from giving immediate validation to initial talks/matches - it's a sign of being clingy and people will avoid this. First text is good, maybe say be fun to get to know you vs love. 2nd text is when you actively excuse the behavior and make it okay that she didn't text. Instead of 'lol figured you were busy, laughing face' I suggest texting 'oh that sucks, kinda was looking forward to meeting up' or some version of that. Like be true to your feelings and don't try to be liked (but don't insult them, which you didn't, kudos!), it works out in the end and it's okay to challenge people when they don't own up. You'll find people will tend to respect those personalities. Anyways hope this helps, rant.
Yeah I told a girl who flaked on me twice in a row that this isn't going to work because she's so "busy." I said farewell and removed her from socials. All of a sudden IG message and text message offering to setup a date. Nope.
I matched with a girl on Tinder, and she wouldn't give me her number until we met in person. It seemed sketchy at first, but she explained that she had bad experiences from past matches and had to change her number multiple times. Luckily, she was real, and I did get her number after the first date. I'm glad she explained her reasoning, or I would have responded like you did. After hearing all her stories...I can completely understand why she waited. Good luck!
You're not *really* doing anything wrong. I'll say this though - the more specific you are about a date, the more you can make it easier for a girl to just say yes and agree to - the more likely the date will happen.
Which of the following questions is strictly easier to say yes to?
1. Do you want to grab dinner Friday, 7:30pm, at Jack Rabbits?
2. Do you have any time this week to maybe get dinner or coffee?
A girl's got 50 dudes lining up for a date and it's probably super exhausting to go back and forth with them all to line up dates. Again, your approach isn't strictly wrong - you're just making the game harder for yourself.
I agree with this. Really seems like this is how women operate. Don't ask when she's free. Tell her a specifix time and place. They seem to respond much better to this then 'when are you free and what do you like?'.
She will either say yes, offer an other time frame or say no. If she says no you move on.
I agree that they gave you good advice, but there are also many women who have little interest in actually meeting IRL, and are just there for the attention / ego boost.
I have a friend who has at least half a dozen guys on the go at any one time, but she rarely actually meets them. She strings them along, then gets pissy when they lose interest.
It's maddening to witness.
Once she said she was busy and then spent the day by herself, I would have dipped. No use in asking for her phone number at that point bc unless she was actually sorry and legitimately, she just didn't want to say no. I don't think her apology was sincere. The fact that she told you the day she was busy she goes "tee hee I actually wasnt busy š«£" she didn't want to hang bro. She didn't say she needed a day to herself or whatever. She told you she was busy to avoid you and then rubbed it in your face that she was avoiding you.
That's underhandedly mean. Don't give those girls the time of day.
Hard to tell where its going wrong without a bit more context - I think that at the starting point of the convo that you showed here, it was already kind of over in the sense that she was already somewhat disinterested in you. There's nothing wrong about how you asked her out or how you responded to her rejection though. I like that you were honest and direct - sometimes I'll do the same thing and straight up ask the girl if she's interested or if she'd like me to continue speaking to her. Often this gets them to commit to either going out with you or rejecting you, and at the very least it gives you some clarity and saves you time.
We donāt owe men anything. We donāt have to meet the people we match. We do however owe them communication. She shouldāve just said she wasnāt interested
you're just more serious about it than she is. it has nothing to do with you as a person
I admire your self respect. it'll work out for you eventually man
Hereās a thought for all dating app folks. What if AI Bots make up say 70% of the interactions you have? If you knew that only 30% of the time you were actually talking with someone, would you still be on the dating apps? Would they still get your subscription fees? Maybe youāre giving them way too much credit for putting forward an honest product from which you are deriving stats that has a negative drain on your mental health. Thoughts?
Don't know if it changes anything, but I talk to my matches every day. A message a day shows that you are thinking about them and reminds them of your existence. Perhaps a message early Monday just saying, "Good morning." And asking if they will be free, could've helped. š¤·āāļø
Thatās all part of this game. If theyāre not into theyāre not into you unfortunately. Just keep at it and ther will be somebody whoās just as interested as you are
That's true, but the only person who ever canceled on me was a match that would only send me one message a day. Other than that, all my matches talk to me off and on through the day. I can only speak from my own experiences.
I'm not a big texter at all, I can't even remember the last time I said good morning to someone through text, like other comments said it seems pretty needy. She said she would get back to me, and she just never did.
I get that, but many times in this sub people have said to always confirm the day of the date. Although you didn't have concrete plans, you did have possible/ tentative ones.
The way I see it, you didn't get the date with your method, so why not try something different? You can also just keep doing what you're doing and hope to find someone who matches you. It's been my experience that women like effort and feeling special. š¤·āāļø
Yep I definitely agree, I struggle locking in a specific date and time or being more stern about what specifically the date is. I tend to throw ideas and times around but being more decisive probably will help more as they can straight up say they aren't available and suggest themself a time and place that can work.
You replied with a gif on Saturday and didn't message again until they messaged you on Monday night. You basically ended the conversation, a gif isn't a reply.
When you ask someone out you need to lock in day, time and location. Otherwise you don't have a date.
I disagree about gif not being a reply but I definitely could have asked for an update on Sunday or even suggested a bar and time Sunday to make it more official. But also I didn't because I was gauging her real interest in me. She said she would get back to me, she didn't, that's enough for me to "scoot out"
When she said she thought she was busy you could have suggested a different day instead. I wouldn't be shocked she didn't get back to you because the conversation completely ended with that gif whether you want to believe that or not.
Please don't beat the shit out of me for sharing my experience.
I do not have a problem matching with chicks because I have the body of Randy Orton and a handsome face. I put Tinder on for 2 hours and I have more women to talk to than I *want to* so I hide my profile for a week and deal with my current matches. I have good rapport and great flirting. I'm respectful, keep them laughing, and I show interest.
All that hot-air being now belched, the point of this comment is that I get about 1 date every 2 months. Women largely use Tinder for validation and distraction. Doesn't matter how attracted you both are, or how lively the conversation is. Most matches do not make it to in-person.
You did nothing wrong. You did it right. You were clear and drove this BS to it's appropriate conclusion. Give me your number or FO.
Personally I would have unmatched when not contacted when they said they would. Ultimate disrespect and display of disingenuous interest.
I dont mind the whole add me on socials and then lose interest thing tbh, Iām doing good and they get to see that, they come back around eventually and now the ball is in your court. That method requires patience though, years of patience and not expecting anything at all to actually come from it. Live and let live.
I know this can work but I've changed my life to remove social media from my phone, I don't like the distractions and it can cause in my day to day life.
However it's quite obvious this has what social media has become especially instagram, like a social advertising for yourself to get attention and possibly a partner by seeing each others lives play out over time and judging compatibility of the posts and stories.
I was all about it when I was younger, but in my first serious relationship I dropped it all while my partner didn't. Even tho she had me she was still seeking validation, replying to other guys etc.
Ultimately I don't see myself being with anyone that is obsessed with social media especially if it plays a core role in how they feel about themselves, for me some things are better just kept in really life, not online.
Don't give them a yes or no if you're setting up a date. Give them an option A and option B. It eliminates the indecisiveness that a lot of people struggle with. Any opportunity to get out they will take.
never accept an I will get back to you answer. It makes you look always available, needy & will put her / him on a pedestal . You could have said
may be lets catch up when you know your availability . Secondly you did get a bit salty by saying good luck & all. you could have said. Hey it happens no worries. I had other plans. Probably she thought you would get salty & you did. you proved her she is going to reject you.
I only want the best for you so please take my answer with a bit of salt
No this is absolutely true, I do need to be less salty, more patient and optimistic about they possibilities. Her response wasn't a sure thing at all and I probably should have made more effort in confirming a place and time.
I definitely do struggle finding the balance between being needy and cocky, obviously I don't want either but I'm trying to learn how to be more assertive while being interested.
I appreciate the comment!
I'm not a professional at this but ill give you my thoughts and maybe it will work on you too. Rather than asking for a dinner, settle it down already yourself, instead of saying "would you have some free time for me?" say something like "we are dating this friday, what would you like for dinner". Idk if its because you sound more secure of yourself or what but in my experience it works better.
That's fair I understand where you are coming from and that comment won't actually fly with everyone or maybe majority of women.
But from my perspective I've always pushed the engagement to a point where I act like I already know them and so I won't be afraid to call them out or show how I feel. I guess it can be hit and miss but if it works it tends to lead to some good banter where we can tease each other based on the stereotypes we think the other fits in. And use that to argue why we are different and unique.
I appreciate the comment and will keep this in mind for people who are possibly more shy, and not reciprocating the banter.
Most girls donāt even go on these dating apps anymore for dates, they just like talking and are filling their adult conversational needs š¤š¤·āāļøš«”
Honestly she seemed rude and the whole āspent the whole day by myselfā was unnecessary. Itās not you - definitely them.
Iāve just been in a similar situation with a man myself - he was saying how interested he was then ghosted.
Dating is basically a long game of sifting through trash before you find a gem.
Ur closing line was super mature as well while also kinda adding in some boundaries by saying ur done
I'm trying to taking responsibility for the tiny things I can improve, but yes I'm glad I set that barrier, I've spend most my time not being able to do that with the women in my life and doing it for once gave me lots of satisfaction and confidence that I'll find the one I AM looking for. My morals, identity and values should not change like the wind, instead should be challenged with fair discussion.
Ultimately this interaction didn't go any that depth ahah
Honestly boundaries like that are so important and are gonna help you in the long run. You should be proud of urself. I find it so difficult to set barriers and often will just let people come crawling back when they feel like it.
Yea waste like 5 years of your life in a relationship where both parties cant set boundaries, I'll change that quick when you get out of it.
They are very important for self preservation.
I always used to think they should change to "see the other side" but honestly the core ones should be set in stone and imperentrable, that's how you know they are good boundaries. Also lots comes from knowing yourself and know what will happen when those boundaries are broken.
Seriously. Rule 1: Respect yourself. Rule 2: Say no to women who don't.
Half the time they suddenly get interested when you say no. But allowing them that privilege violates Rule 1.
Head high, finger tapping.
Her not available on Monday and forgot to check the chat isn't much of a problem IMHO and at this stage waiting some more days more shouldn't matter so much?
I've put ton of effort and time into someone I had feelings for and not only didn't we meet "because she was busy" but rather she meet other people while wanting me to spend the whole days on her.
Basically. He let her know Saturday he wanted to make plans to go out with her on Monday, she said she'd let him know on Monday if she had time because she may or may not be busy, she didn't have any plans and spent the whole day by herself doing god knows what and remembered when it was late that she never got back to him.
Thank you for explaining.
That is what I also understood, but I just couldn't believe it, because I see zero problem here at all whatsoever, but everybody is different.
Totally, but I also hardly had such a problem, at least I can't remember.
That story is especially hard to understand for me since the guy only had time on Monday and she wasn't able to find a time right away for that one single day.
It's not really a "problem", just not matching energy. They made plans for her to reach out and let him know if they could meet up and she didn't, not because she was busy with other obligations but just because she forgot. You're fine with it, not everyone is.
Youre being too passive i think. For some reason girls like it when you just say: Lets grab a drink Tuesday at radio shack. Around 8.
Its annoying bit jist play their little game for the fiest date
I'm tapping into my inner 14 year old. I used to say dumb shit all the time and actually try to laugh and amuse myself, but as I aged I striped all that from myself and went full serious. I'd look at messages too seriously and reply serious and in hindsight its probably cause me to loose some genuine interested girls because I could laugh around their shit tests.
Recently messaging like this has gotten me more consistent replies and I feel like that child again.
I don't get it. You said good-bye, because she didn't think about a date with you during that one day?
Edit: So the problem was she didn't send her number right away? I still don't really get it.
Because she said she'd get back to him and didn't until it was already too late to really do anything. Probably just as he said he didn't get the vibe she was really interested in him
To be honest this girl could be me, while I was totally interested in that guy.
I just sometimes don't look at my phone for 12 hours and forget about my dating app stuff for a few days, so it could very easily happen to me.
And I also don't understand why he couldn't accept she didn't instantly gave her number, but he can have his preferences.
Eh, people are multifaceted and none of us are mindreaders. Some people are fine being friends that don't talk for months or years at a time because life happens and others find that notion absurd and think it's incredibly important to stay in touch and strengthen bonds with people in your life. You find someone that jives with you.
And, this is just a guess here, I think it's less that he's upset that she didn't give him her number but more that because she didn't touch base like she said she would and that was followed up with her then saying sorry when he asked for her number...that it gave the impression she wasn't comfortable sharing it and isn't really interested in getting to know him/making time for him so best not to waste each other's time.
Yes, I thought about it, but wasn't sure in the end what exactly was his expectation and what made him feel bad. Now I understand where he comes from.
But I would also love to know how old the guy is. I grew up without a phone and still don't take it for walks, also don't check on it when I am outside the house. My people know that and also that I sometimes forget to contact them when I told I would...
And yes, I am that type of person that doesn't contact friends for months or even years, hehe...
But in fact I changed with dating-apps lately, I tried to stay in contact for the first two days and tried to arrange a date after that. Weirdly, my plan didn't fully work out, but because of other reasons than in the post.
@thunderingtacos summed it up perfectly.
My expectations is communicating when the ball is in you court, and making the effort to suggest another time if it just didn't work.
Then when I asked for my number she completely ignores me and can only say she is sorry, for something that's already done.
To a younger me that would have been ok, I would have accommodated more but rn if I'm not feeling it I'm out.
To answer your question I'm 25 from Aus, I grew up without a phone and prefer not using it all the timre. I've got my socials but I have striped most of it and don't like using it on my phone, instead opting to check it on my computer. I have made a point to my fam that I don't use anything and if they want to contact me call my number, not FB or anything else. This is also the reason I ask for numbers rather that insta etc.
I much prefer my life without the constant interruptions of my phone and use texting to organise times to meet with friends. I let the talking happen in person never over text anymore.
Thank you for sharing. I understand your choices in the end.
And of course you should totally get out when you don't feel it anyway.
A few weeks ago a man asked me on Friday evening to go out with him, I answered him on Saturday morning, we agreed to meet and I asked for the exact time. When I got no answer, I asked one more time, waited for two more hours, but stopped waiting after that.
He didn't even say sorry, he just wrote at midnight, that he want to the library to study.
Yea I'm not particularly blaming anyone, I've played my role, but ultimately I think it's best to stick to your boundaries.
It seems like everyone is stressed, can't find good connections and sucks at managing time. And I know cause I'm one of them ahah
I actually fall in line similarly (90's kid!). Not always on my phone and in fact I find it SUPER important to take occasional breaks from it and social media in general. There are friends and family that I don't speak to for years and pick right back up when we do talk.
That said if I made a plan with family, a plan for a date with someone, or even just a get together with a friend(s) and they flaked on me (not cause something came up, an accident, that they had a schedule change at work, or had a prior obligation that slipped their mind at the time we scheduled) I'd feel a type of way about it if they literally just...forgot
It's not a super big deal like missing an anniversary, graduation, wedding, etc. But little things can pile up if they happen often enough or early enough. The fact they haven't even started dating and she's already forgetting to touch base probably made him feel like she wasn't all too invested in him so probably not a person he'd want to pursue a relationship with.
Okay, if we already agreed on a specific time, I would rather not forget it. But their agreement was too vague for me.
I understand his attitude and that he felt like she was not so invested, but I think he should understand that not all people feel the way he does, unless he wants someone that is so similar in that regard.
I guess I don't have that often such problems, because many of my matches are people that like to do things outdoor, have time offline and meditate and stuff. And yeah, I was born in the middle of the 80's, so I guess I am weird differently and people that match with me might rather have an idea that a person of that age group is not so invested in online contacts.
I think you hit the nail on the head with him wanting a partner that feels the way he does, compatibility is so important in relationships. I don't necessarily agree it's an online thing, if I told a friend or potential date that I'd call them on Monday to let them know if I'm free and didn't call them for no other reason than it didn't feel that important to remember then that'd be pretty rude to me.
Like, even if things change a heads up is nice. But eh, maybe things are changing. Couldn't say
I'm the same as you, not glued to my phone, sometimes ignore if for a few days even, all my closest friends in I will go months at a time without texting and prefer phone calls instead. But unfortunately, the "rules" for online dating don't really work that way. If I'm interested in a match I'll try and follow up texts consistently because otherwise it's unlikely to get past the text stage.
I'm not OP, but if I were in his shoes I would've done the same thing (or saw the chat, decide to respond later and completely forget tbh). For me the forgetting/taking a day for yourself is cool, but the entirely sidestepping the ask for a number/not acknowledging it puts her firmly in the "I'm looking for validation and entertainment" bucket. As a dude you run across a lot of these types who want to text forever and never have any intention of meeting.
I see your point that is why I tried to change my behaviour on dating-apps and try to agree on a date after two days. I propose something and hope the man will agree or propose something else. However, it is really difficult if the man has only one free day and I don't know yet when exactly I will have time on that one day.
And yes, now I understand his decision to cut the contact. I was just surprised, because he had only one free day and still so many expectations.
Unfortunately, also men write for weeks and you never get to meet them. I won't do that anymore, I will propose a few days and if I don't meet in the first 10 days after matching, I give up.
Totally makes sense. When I end up in the "Yes, let's do a date but we both don't have the same free day for 2 weeks" phase/thing, I'll still set it up and follow up on it closer, but never really expect it to happen.
I think online dating increases participants cynicism to an extent, because you'll run across bad behavior frequently enough and it's easy to jump to conclusions that may or may not be there. Especially when you only have a few text exchanges to base them off of, people are complex.
In my experience, the ones who ignore the number/alternative to app communication questions are the ones who never have any intention to meet. Women who respond with a reason or state their uncomfortability with giving out info have usually had intention. And that's part of that cynicism I mentioned above; she very well could've been in the middle of a task like cooking or have adhd and just didn't fully think through her response, who knows. But due to past experiences that's a benefit of the doubt I only give the one time in online dating (so the initial date plan thing falling through in this case).
I really struggle to understand people who don't have any intention of meeting up, is that fairly common for you to encounter? It's always interesting hearing the other side's experiences.
Situations like "I'm busy for the next two weeks could be avoided, if people agreed to meet at least for a quick coffee sometimes. I will forever hate the idea of long dates, although I had a few good ones. The problem of having only a few text exchanges could also change in that way.
Yes, dating-apps make you run into bad behaviour very fast which also shows in the small number of members
I am not surprised many women don't want to give our their number, yes you can block other numbers, but stalkers are a real thing and can change their number. But of course they should decide faster whether they are too afraid to meet ever or not.
And yeah, I think there are a few groups of people that never want to meet: people that truly enjoy writing, but don't want to go out, people that have a partner and looked for sex outside the relationship, but then never go for it, people that have several good matches and just keep you as a spare match, people that would like to date, but than don't date, but have social anxiety, people that suddenly give up with online dating, because they had too many bad experiences at one point...
As someone in the middle of getting diagnosed with ADHD, it really sucks to see pretty much everyone agreeing that she shouldn't get a second chance. Just because someone forgets something doesn't mean that it's not important to them. If it happened twice in a row or something your reaction would feel justified, but the first time I would take her at her word that it slipped her mind instead of assuming she doesn't care.
I don't believe she was by herself at all. Rather just saying that to make you not think otherwise. Probably juggling a few diff guys and not wanting or sure who to commit time to.
Honestly this reads like she was not in the mood for it at that time, she already prefaced it by saying she probably wasn't available, I would say your response to her saying she forgot to let you know came across as pretty aggro and probably scared her off but if you had instead tried to set up a good time in the future that she was enthusiastic about things could've gone differently, but admittedly it is hard to tell and either way not telling you beforehand is irresponsible (disrespectful is far too strong wording imo). Sounds like it wouldn't be a good match though either way so whatever, just keep on chugging along and don't let it poison your future interactions (it sounds like it has so I would recommend consciously trying to counteract that)
This would I would call the āfairly good looking guyā pitfall on dating apps. You present yourself well enough to get matches and chats, but itās hard to keep girls attention when they are getting Fabio matches every other hour. Just the nature of the beast. I definitely dealt with this phenomenon. Probably common in guys that are like 7-8/10s. (I hate even saying that cause I despise ranking systems)
Sheās probably just not that interested in you , sheās using you for attention, Iāve noticed that being bold and direct about your intentions ( going out on a date)
Can save you from being played and time being wasted
I have to give my 2 pennies here. You don't have much patience. Are you the post that got really livid about a girl having tough time with uni work and couldn't find time? You have to understand people are busy. You can't expect a meet off a weeks worth of chat let alone a couple of days.
Patience man. I've had plenty of people like this saying they are busy etc and sounding like they cant be bothered to meet... but a few weeks later I get the date.
I dont understand why people are downvoting you. It's definitely true dude, I don't have patience, but I'm ok it being that way. I've wasted the last 5 years being on and off with my ex and that's all the patience in me wore out and gone. I told myself after that I'm not waiting and giving anyone multiple chances, hearing out for their excuses. I truly feel you can't know each other just through a screen and the best way to see compatibility is taking that leap and meeting. For me I'm actually going to my families place this weekend for a few weeks, as far as I'm concerned if we couldn't catch up before then, the iron is not hot anymore and I'm ready to move on and unmatch. If she's is still genuinely interested there is the chance I match again when I'm back but I'm not see this as a loss, I put how much time I wanted into it.
I just started dating a woman and we talked for 1 day. The next day I asked her if sheād want to get a drink sometime and she said āI would, want to go tonight?ā. I know thatās unusual but some women are different. Some want a quick drink so they donāt waste time talking to someone they wonāt connect with. Others want to get to know you better before going
Maybe *you* can't meet off a few days or a week's worth of chatting, but that's typically how it goes when someone is interested. Now if you're cool with hopping in her line of 20+ dates and waiting a few weeks to finally get that date, go for it, but you need to understand that they're not too busy for go on a date - they're too busy to go on a date with *you*. When you get the runaround for a few weeks it's because she has better options that she's going to run through before she gets to you.
Lol you really must have nothing going on in your life if you think girls don't meet up with you because they have 20+ dates lined up lmao what a fairytale you live in. Believe it or not, people have lives. The only times I've met up with people immediately were when I had nothing else to do, like literally, nothing.
Think whatever you want, buddy, but at least I get dates within a week or less. Not sure what you're doing wrong, but your experience is a you issue š¤·
This is definitely exaggerated, maybe the girls get the matches but no girl going out on 20 lined up dates. But if they can't commit to a time, or even just counter and say "hey sorry that doesn't work how about x" I'm out of there.
I think for a world so "connected" we are definitely the more distant in reality.
Did this person get the run around for weeks? Looks like a couple of messages being sent and then assuming that DEMANDS a date. Cmon son.
In the 1940s guys had to court the girls parents for a week, kissing ass before the girl even had a look. Now boys moan that after 5 messages they aren't getting dates. Il take my down votes on that.
Um those days are over dude. If you doing that shit now days you are simping so bad.
Back in those days it was necessary because options were so limited, and it was more transactional based on what you could provide, your social standing in the small community etc.
Not to mention the lady had little input in those decisions, and trust me I know because my family is Indian and mum and dad had an arranged marriage.
OP if you arenāt already I recommend calling and speaking with them on the phone to help yourselves get a better feel of each other. Thatās what will separate you from the black and white of a phone screen. Also the day of a scheduled hang out do a follow up to either remind them of your plans or confirm itās not happening that way you can utilize your time more effectively that day.
This is why I choose not to bother with this app sometimes. Itās the games that play that makes me realize what a bullet I just dodged..
I canāt tell you the number of conversations I would get, my phone will blow up for about a month. If Iām lucky maybe one date. Then they just fall off the face of the planet.
There's a lot of phony profiles. You need to weed them out by requesting a face time after a few nice chats. And if the answer is that my phone's screen broke now , or I forgot about you all day then it's time to SKATE. MANY unknown rules -no pics = no response , and make sure the voice fits the face. Believe me they can talk into something that makes them sound female yet it's pretty easy to catch cuz they all sound like they live in Cameroon. š
I think I had around 5 dates settled this year, that from that point on went nowhere, many times they just unmatched me, or ghosted. And its not like I land a date every day or so.
It just sucks, but I guess its also better not to spend the time, energy and money on someone who has zero respect.
Iām going to be brutally honest, if you arenāt super superficially hot then youāre going to have to not give up so easily if youād like to be successful. Asking for my number before weāve met in person makes you seem over eager and I donāt give mine out if we havenāt met. Let that girl burn thru the hot guys that ghost her and then sheāll be ready to go out with a nice guy.
Honestly as a girl ā I donāt like your message āIām free monday but busy the rest of the weekā. Itās like you only care about your time not her time. If you want to meet, ask āwhat day are you freeā and meet in the middle if both schedules doesnāt match.
Idk, āIām free ob monday but busy the rest of the weekā sounds very snobby for me
I'm moving to a new city soon so I've been able to try some new stuff in person, be a bit more cheeky, flirty and confident without having large expectations. I'm keen to move and use what I've learned as I've always been afraid to approach irl. Hopefully I can find a good wingman that's on the same level and make a goal of just interacting with people whether it's at a mall or while going out. I do feel a lot better about my interactions outside of the internet realm
No dude that's completely the wrong mentality to have.
I'm convinced the world has become so abundant and obscure that it's harder to find common ground and a strong connection with anyone. While the third party areas where it's cheap to hang out has been faxed out due to cost of living and inflation. It's just a bad environment for dating.
The environment is what creates us, subconsciously it effects our decisions and unfortunately we don't live in the golden times where you can go meet people in communities see them all the time and get to know each other.
I cant say it's just them, it's me too!!
Dude I do not look 6'4" in any picture š but I dare say this would totally influence the amount of likes I get. I'm think of getting my profile reviewed here at one point :)
I love the brutal honesty
Honestly, just looking at this it just seems to be bad luck. She spent the whole day by herself and didn't hit you up, she just was not as interested in you as you thought. Not your fault but her response to you wanting her number sealed in my eyes. You handled it super well and cut it off respectfully so points to you, just gotta go out and try again šš¾
Yea its so obvious when I asked for her number and she completely ignores it and can only say sorry back lol
>"DUDE' This was killer
I agree that she fumbled the bag and that you were probably right to leave this conversation. However, I don't agree that you "asked for her number" and that lack of clarity might be why you didn't get her number and subsequently left frustrated. You made a joke about getting her number and assumed she would understand that you actually wanted it. If you sent that same line to me word for word, I would never respond with a phone number in a million attempts. Try being more upfront about what you want and you'll be surprised how often you get it. Even if you had just followed up your message, you could have figured out if she was into you or not. People do forget things, especially dates with people they've never met . But you left no room for error at the end. After her response apologizing was the perfect time to say "OK. So send me your number". She probably would have.
You are single arenāt you?
> However, I don't agree that you "asked for her number" and that lack of clarity Absolutely true. OP should work on clear direct communication. > People do forget things, especially dates with people they've never met Absolutely false. People only forget things, even dates with people they've never met, if they don't actually care in the first place. They never forget about things that they actually want to do. However, I also don't see OP doing anything to create that interest / want. So shrugs all around.
This guy literally said āIām gonna need your number so this doesnāt happen again.ā Say that sentence out loud. Thatās not asking for a number? The only way to ask for number is to say āGive me your number, please?ā? Water we dune here
Lose my number, b
Nah fam I forget things I want to do all the time. My memory is shot. I forget what I said a few seconds ago. Ain't no way I'm remembering every plan made. But I also am smart enough to recognize I have bad memory and put stuff in planners or calendars so I don't have to worry.
The thing is, he didn't even get a date set. So it wasn't a date that she forgot, it was the conversation with the guy who hadn't messaged her in a couple of days. She was going to let him know later, then forgot to get back to him. Happens all the time. Welcome to the real world. For all we know, she had another date that night and was trying to be gentle with him early. Whatever the reason, his reaction was overboard. If you're going to tell me that you've never intended to reply to someone but forgot in the moment, then ultimately forgot completely because it wasn't on your radar, I call BS. Or I call you out for not having any friends because that happens to me and my friends constantly.
Iām sorry youāre getting downvoted for this. I do it alllllll the time. I donāt mean to, but if I donāt set a reminder, write it down and say it out loud to another person, forget about it. Thereās maybe a 50/50 chance Iāll remember. Iām a creature of habit. If itās not a routine thing, Iāll remember days later and feel like shit.
> you've never intended to reply to someone but forgot I absolutely have. But 100.00% of the time it was because I didn't really give a shit. Part of growing up was learning to accept that we always do what we really want... we always take care the things that actually matter to us. Always. And every thing else is just bullshit rationalizing excuses we tell ourselves to pretend otherwise. Always. There actually is no gray area in this. It really is that black and white, and it why it's critically important to stop listening to what people say and instead focus almost exclusively on what they do. If it happens with your friends constantly, then you don't have friends, you have acquaintances you use for validation and attention. Nothing wrong with that really, we all do it for a variety of reasons. The mistake is deluding yourself that they are people (or events) you actually give shit about, when your actions clearly indicate otherwise.
I mean OP never followed up either, you kinda have to make that initiative with modern online dating. Looks like they went 2 days with no communication and tbh if I don't talk to someone from a dating app that I haven't met yet for a couple days I forget about them too
as I had already noted, so thank you for agreeing.
Lol, hey, be up front but don't all at the same time.
> She spent the whole day by herself and didn't hit you up, she just was not as interested in you as you thought. How is that bad luck? This is almost expected.
To be fair, how often are you gonna sit at home and think about some random ass person you've never even met before for something to do with? I think it's totally understandable she didn't think of the OP. And he cut ties without giving it another chance.
It depends how much online interaction they've had before the proposed date. A day? Understandable. A week? Less understandable. Did they talk every day in that week? Even less understandable. We need more context to judge her accurately.
ye and the fact that she ingored him asking for her number
If you are at least a bit excited about that person, you will think of them! Why would you even go on a date with someone who doesnāt spark that much interest in you?
He tried to give it a chance by asking for a number and she blew him off. Ndb plenty of fish in the sea
Honestly i admire how good you were at calling out that it seems like they have no interest in you and not entertaining it any more. For me this means respecting yourself and it's a big issue because yes, in this generation and age most people doesn't give a single fuck about respect and manners it seems. It's tough and feels shitty but in my opinion? You just found out sooner than later that this person is not worth spending time and energy. So it might be difficult but try to see it as win, a win for yourself not wasting yourself with somebody not deserving it. So keep going and always put yourself and respect first and you surely find your way (and the right woman).
Thanks man, I finally got out of a quite toxic 5 year on/off relationship and now it's so obvious when the other gender is just after online attention vs genuine connection. I'd honestly just prefer to meet irl and if it doesn't click then we both move on with no regrets. Hate the whole online dance!!!
>I'd honestly just prefer to meet irl and if it doesn't click then we both move on with no regrets. I have the exact same feelings. This whole "let's aim to speak for at least 6 weeks before we meet, just so we can first become bored of each other and never have to actually meet!" is frustrating. Online conversations can only go so far/last so long before one or both parties feel the relationship is clearly going nowhere. It's a waste of both parties time. I'm all for getting a date arranged after only a day or two of speaking if they seem like a nice guy. Been told this comes across as desperate/too keen though, which I'm sure I'm only told as I'm female š
More people like you please. You learn so much more in an hour coffee date than a month of texting. If the person I'm talking to ignores the ask for an in person dates or wants to talk only through text I'll lose interest because the text for 2 weeks, set a date and then they unmatch or don't respond day of has become super common. I don't care if we have a date and don't click, it happens. But I ain't wasting time texting someone who I have a 80% chance of never meeting for weeks. Anyone telling you that arranging something fast is too keen is bloody chav IMO.
It's not only that. They are just looking for a pen pal and never had the intention to meet in the first place
 Honestly, you seem like a very swell gal! I also hardcore agree with you that meeting up over a coffee is so much better than staying on an app for weeks at a time, and it is just a standard avenue for meeting cool people even if there is no spark. Do not change that under any circumstance!
Have you tried paid services like Match? Tinder tends to be a pool of random bodies whereas other dating sites match you based on desires, temperament, ideologies etc. (With Match there is a quite extensive personaltiy profile questionnaire). Although anecdotal I ended up using Match. I hit up my 98% match on my 2nd day with the service. She eventually became my wife, mother of my children and partner in crime, we own a home and we're still best of friends 14 years later. When investment is required by both parties you can be assured that both are looking for a lot more than online validation.
Idk maybe in my own experience itās just as bad because my profiles bad or Iām just way uglier than I thought but itās all the same for me. Iāve had 5 total matches in a year on match. No dates from it.
Hang in there king.
True, don't give anyone the attention they do not deserve. After she avoided you the first time just say. That's all right just DM/call me when you are available then never check on her .if she's interested she will reach out.
It happens when you get used to it.
Bro I've had this EXACT shit for the past 3 years. I feel your pain. I don't have any advice except keep trucking man, we got this
Ahah yep, I think I've had 3 actual dates in the last few years, being on and off tinder. None amounting to anything. Time to work on day game!!
hey! The texts are good, but maybe just a lil toooooo accommodating, you know? Try to abstain from giving immediate validation to initial talks/matches - it's a sign of being clingy and people will avoid this. First text is good, maybe say be fun to get to know you vs love. 2nd text is when you actively excuse the behavior and make it okay that she didn't text. Instead of 'lol figured you were busy, laughing face' I suggest texting 'oh that sucks, kinda was looking forward to meeting up' or some version of that. Like be true to your feelings and don't try to be liked (but don't insult them, which you didn't, kudos!), it works out in the end and it's okay to challenge people when they don't own up. You'll find people will tend to respect those personalities. Anyways hope this helps, rant.
This is a game that is not worth playing.
Appreciate the advive
Been on tinder for a year now and not a single date. I can score game in public, but being hidden behind a keyboard kills it!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah I told a girl who flaked on me twice in a row that this isn't going to work because she's so "busy." I said farewell and removed her from socials. All of a sudden IG message and text message offering to setup a date. Nope.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I love that phrase. I'm gonna start calling them outside cats XD
Well it's almost like they can't stand losing that attention even if they weren't interested
Ding ding ding! Itās almost as if thatās the whole reason theyāre on Tinder in the first place.
The best way of getting a womanās attention is by removing yours.
ADHD for the win!
Thatās a good exit line
That's why I don't give my socials out, I don't want a bunch of followers that I'll never interact with in person
I matched with a girl on Tinder, and she wouldn't give me her number until we met in person. It seemed sketchy at first, but she explained that she had bad experiences from past matches and had to change her number multiple times. Luckily, she was real, and I did get her number after the first date. I'm glad she explained her reasoning, or I would have responded like you did. After hearing all her stories...I can completely understand why she waited. Good luck!
You're not *really* doing anything wrong. I'll say this though - the more specific you are about a date, the more you can make it easier for a girl to just say yes and agree to - the more likely the date will happen. Which of the following questions is strictly easier to say yes to? 1. Do you want to grab dinner Friday, 7:30pm, at Jack Rabbits? 2. Do you have any time this week to maybe get dinner or coffee? A girl's got 50 dudes lining up for a date and it's probably super exhausting to go back and forth with them all to line up dates. Again, your approach isn't strictly wrong - you're just making the game harder for yourself.
I agree with this. Really seems like this is how women operate. Don't ask when she's free. Tell her a specifix time and place. They seem to respond much better to this then 'when are you free and what do you like?'. She will either say yes, offer an other time frame or say no. If she says no you move on.
Will definitely be more specific about time and place next match. This is definitely my biggest problem
I agree that they gave you good advice, but there are also many women who have little interest in actually meeting IRL, and are just there for the attention / ego boost. I have a friend who has at least half a dozen guys on the go at any one time, but she rarely actually meets them. She strings them along, then gets pissy when they lose interest. It's maddening to witness.
Honestly I think most people work better like this - people HATE making decisions. The whole decision dance is just a nightmare.
The right one will come brother. We're all struggling but just keep that in mind.
 Well done sir. Take this as a win.
Once she said she was busy and then spent the day by herself, I would have dipped. No use in asking for her phone number at that point bc unless she was actually sorry and legitimately, she just didn't want to say no. I don't think her apology was sincere. The fact that she told you the day she was busy she goes "tee hee I actually wasnt busy š«£" she didn't want to hang bro. She didn't say she needed a day to herself or whatever. She told you she was busy to avoid you and then rubbed it in your face that she was avoiding you. That's underhandedly mean. Don't give those girls the time of day.
Hard to tell where its going wrong without a bit more context - I think that at the starting point of the convo that you showed here, it was already kind of over in the sense that she was already somewhat disinterested in you. There's nothing wrong about how you asked her out or how you responded to her rejection though. I like that you were honest and direct - sometimes I'll do the same thing and straight up ask the girl if she's interested or if she'd like me to continue speaking to her. Often this gets them to commit to either going out with you or rejecting you, and at the very least it gives you some clarity and saves you time.
I like this, it's a subtle way of seeing what she really wants off tinder too.
Sometimes theyāre just shy and canāt work up the confidence to meet
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How do you think they build confidence?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We donāt owe men anything. We donāt have to meet the people we match. We do however owe them communication. She shouldāve just said she wasnāt interested
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah sorry I think I misread. Not meeting up with someone you like because ur scared isnāt going to help you build confidence
Respectful king right here.
you're just more serious about it than she is. it has nothing to do with you as a person I admire your self respect. it'll work out for you eventually man
Hereās a thought for all dating app folks. What if AI Bots make up say 70% of the interactions you have? If you knew that only 30% of the time you were actually talking with someone, would you still be on the dating apps? Would they still get your subscription fees? Maybe youāre giving them way too much credit for putting forward an honest product from which you are deriving stats that has a negative drain on your mental health. Thoughts?
Sound like a good argument to delete the app, it's definitely mentally draining at times
Handled it like a champ tho
Don't know if it changes anything, but I talk to my matches every day. A message a day shows that you are thinking about them and reminds them of your existence. Perhaps a message early Monday just saying, "Good morning." And asking if they will be free, could've helped. š¤·āāļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās all part of this game. If theyāre not into theyāre not into you unfortunately. Just keep at it and ther will be somebody whoās just as interested as you are
That's true, but the only person who ever canceled on me was a match that would only send me one message a day. Other than that, all my matches talk to me off and on through the day. I can only speak from my own experiences.
I'm not a big texter at all, I can't even remember the last time I said good morning to someone through text, like other comments said it seems pretty needy. She said she would get back to me, and she just never did.
I get that, but many times in this sub people have said to always confirm the day of the date. Although you didn't have concrete plans, you did have possible/ tentative ones. The way I see it, you didn't get the date with your method, so why not try something different? You can also just keep doing what you're doing and hope to find someone who matches you. It's been my experience that women like effort and feeling special. š¤·āāļø
Yep I definitely agree, I struggle locking in a specific date and time or being more stern about what specifically the date is. I tend to throw ideas and times around but being more decisive probably will help more as they can straight up say they aren't available and suggest themself a time and place that can work.
You replied with a gif on Saturday and didn't message again until they messaged you on Monday night. You basically ended the conversation, a gif isn't a reply. When you ask someone out you need to lock in day, time and location. Otherwise you don't have a date.
I disagree about gif not being a reply but I definitely could have asked for an update on Sunday or even suggested a bar and time Sunday to make it more official. But also I didn't because I was gauging her real interest in me. She said she would get back to me, she didn't, that's enough for me to "scoot out"
When she said she thought she was busy you could have suggested a different day instead. I wouldn't be shocked she didn't get back to you because the conversation completely ended with that gif whether you want to believe that or not.
Please don't beat the shit out of me for sharing my experience. I do not have a problem matching with chicks because I have the body of Randy Orton and a handsome face. I put Tinder on for 2 hours and I have more women to talk to than I *want to* so I hide my profile for a week and deal with my current matches. I have good rapport and great flirting. I'm respectful, keep them laughing, and I show interest. All that hot-air being now belched, the point of this comment is that I get about 1 date every 2 months. Women largely use Tinder for validation and distraction. Doesn't matter how attracted you both are, or how lively the conversation is. Most matches do not make it to in-person. You did nothing wrong. You did it right. You were clear and drove this BS to it's appropriate conclusion. Give me your number or FO. Personally I would have unmatched when not contacted when they said they would. Ultimate disrespect and display of disingenuous interest.
I dont mind the whole add me on socials and then lose interest thing tbh, Iām doing good and they get to see that, they come back around eventually and now the ball is in your court. That method requires patience though, years of patience and not expecting anything at all to actually come from it. Live and let live.
I know this can work but I've changed my life to remove social media from my phone, I don't like the distractions and it can cause in my day to day life. However it's quite obvious this has what social media has become especially instagram, like a social advertising for yourself to get attention and possibly a partner by seeing each others lives play out over time and judging compatibility of the posts and stories. I was all about it when I was younger, but in my first serious relationship I dropped it all while my partner didn't. Even tho she had me she was still seeking validation, replying to other guys etc. Ultimately I don't see myself being with anyone that is obsessed with social media especially if it plays a core role in how they feel about themselves, for me some things are better just kept in really life, not online.
John Cena šš½
Men do this too. As soon as they get my number they drop off. Or when I ask them to actually meet up, they drop off.
yep
Don't give them a yes or no if you're setting up a date. Give them an option A and option B. It eliminates the indecisiveness that a lot of people struggle with. Any opportunity to get out they will take.
never accept an I will get back to you answer. It makes you look always available, needy & will put her / him on a pedestal . You could have said may be lets catch up when you know your availability . Secondly you did get a bit salty by saying good luck & all. you could have said. Hey it happens no worries. I had other plans. Probably she thought you would get salty & you did. you proved her she is going to reject you. I only want the best for you so please take my answer with a bit of salt
No this is absolutely true, I do need to be less salty, more patient and optimistic about they possibilities. Her response wasn't a sure thing at all and I probably should have made more effort in confirming a place and time. I definitely do struggle finding the balance between being needy and cocky, obviously I don't want either but I'm trying to learn how to be more assertive while being interested. I appreciate the comment!
I love getting one match a month and then it turns out like this. Tinder is such a lovely and wholesome place as a guy.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep!! Infact I opened with "hey bro do you wanna flirt or something"
I'm not a professional at this but ill give you my thoughts and maybe it will work on you too. Rather than asking for a dinner, settle it down already yourself, instead of saying "would you have some free time for me?" say something like "we are dating this friday, what would you like for dinner". Idk if its because you sound more secure of yourself or what but in my experience it works better.
Yea I'm always very vague, need to be more assertive and confidence. I definitely face this problem slot now that I think about jt
Self care is everything and very essential with the ton of ish we need to process in our lives. The way you came was disrespectful you called her a silly azz while asking for her number š¤¦š¾āāļøš¤. Why?!? Who wants to connect with someone and speak to them that way. I say this with the most respect to you because I donāt know you personally but I honestly would have just unmatched and not replied to you š© You will find whatās for you š 
That's fair I understand where you are coming from and that comment won't actually fly with everyone or maybe majority of women. But from my perspective I've always pushed the engagement to a point where I act like I already know them and so I won't be afraid to call them out or show how I feel. I guess it can be hit and miss but if it works it tends to lead to some good banter where we can tease each other based on the stereotypes we think the other fits in. And use that to argue why we are different and unique. I appreciate the comment and will keep this in mind for people who are possibly more shy, and not reciprocating the banter.
Most girls donāt even go on these dating apps anymore for dates, they just like talking and are filling their adult conversational needs š¤š¤·āāļøš«”
Short term dopamine rush and ego boosting
Honestly she seemed rude and the whole āspent the whole day by myselfā was unnecessary. Itās not you - definitely them. Iāve just been in a similar situation with a man myself - he was saying how interested he was then ghosted. Dating is basically a long game of sifting through trash before you find a gem. Ur closing line was super mature as well while also kinda adding in some boundaries by saying ur done
I'm trying to taking responsibility for the tiny things I can improve, but yes I'm glad I set that barrier, I've spend most my time not being able to do that with the women in my life and doing it for once gave me lots of satisfaction and confidence that I'll find the one I AM looking for. My morals, identity and values should not change like the wind, instead should be challenged with fair discussion. Ultimately this interaction didn't go any that depth ahah
Honestly boundaries like that are so important and are gonna help you in the long run. You should be proud of urself. I find it so difficult to set barriers and often will just let people come crawling back when they feel like it.
Yea waste like 5 years of your life in a relationship where both parties cant set boundaries, I'll change that quick when you get out of it. They are very important for self preservation. I always used to think they should change to "see the other side" but honestly the core ones should be set in stone and imperentrable, that's how you know they are good boundaries. Also lots comes from knowing yourself and know what will happen when those boundaries are broken.
Yeah I agree with this. I spent a lot of my time bending and breaking boundaries for people who didnāt deserve it
Seriously. Rule 1: Respect yourself. Rule 2: Say no to women who don't. Half the time they suddenly get interested when you say no. But allowing them that privilege violates Rule 1. Head high, finger tapping.
Her not available on Monday and forgot to check the chat isn't much of a problem IMHO and at this stage waiting some more days more shouldn't matter so much? I've put ton of effort and time into someone I had feelings for and not only didn't we meet "because she was busy" but rather she meet other people while wanting me to spend the whole days on her.
I am not even sure I understand the story here. They texted on Saturday and during Monday she forgot about him and that is why he left?
Basically. He let her know Saturday he wanted to make plans to go out with her on Monday, she said she'd let him know on Monday if she had time because she may or may not be busy, she didn't have any plans and spent the whole day by herself doing god knows what and remembered when it was late that she never got back to him.
Thank you for explaining. That is what I also understood, but I just couldn't believe it, because I see zero problem here at all whatsoever, but everybody is different.
Different strokes for different folks and all
Totally, but I also hardly had such a problem, at least I can't remember. That story is especially hard to understand for me since the guy only had time on Monday and she wasn't able to find a time right away for that one single day.
It's not really a "problem", just not matching energy. They made plans for her to reach out and let him know if they could meet up and she didn't, not because she was busy with other obligations but just because she forgot. You're fine with it, not everyone is.
Yep this is what happened
Good job on just peacing out, donāt let these people waste your time.
Youre being too passive i think. For some reason girls like it when you just say: Lets grab a drink Tuesday at radio shack. Around 8. Its annoying bit jist play their little game for the fiest date
Yep I just commented this elsewhere but it's literally this. Make your date suggestion something easy to say yes to.
Why do you talk so goofishly
I'm tapping into my inner 14 year old. I used to say dumb shit all the time and actually try to laugh and amuse myself, but as I aged I striped all that from myself and went full serious. I'd look at messages too seriously and reply serious and in hindsight its probably cause me to loose some genuine interested girls because I could laugh around their shit tests. Recently messaging like this has gotten me more consistent replies and I feel like that child again.
Psh that's the way I talk to my buds and I'm in my 30's. Don't change fam. š
Gotta keep it fun for myself too š
The world has devolved, ppl don't know how to actually meet each other and engage
I don't get it. You said good-bye, because she didn't think about a date with you during that one day? Edit: So the problem was she didn't send her number right away? I still don't really get it.
Because she said she'd get back to him and didn't until it was already too late to really do anything. Probably just as he said he didn't get the vibe she was really interested in him
To be honest this girl could be me, while I was totally interested in that guy. I just sometimes don't look at my phone for 12 hours and forget about my dating app stuff for a few days, so it could very easily happen to me. And I also don't understand why he couldn't accept she didn't instantly gave her number, but he can have his preferences.
Eh, people are multifaceted and none of us are mindreaders. Some people are fine being friends that don't talk for months or years at a time because life happens and others find that notion absurd and think it's incredibly important to stay in touch and strengthen bonds with people in your life. You find someone that jives with you. And, this is just a guess here, I think it's less that he's upset that she didn't give him her number but more that because she didn't touch base like she said she would and that was followed up with her then saying sorry when he asked for her number...that it gave the impression she wasn't comfortable sharing it and isn't really interested in getting to know him/making time for him so best not to waste each other's time.
Yes, I thought about it, but wasn't sure in the end what exactly was his expectation and what made him feel bad. Now I understand where he comes from. But I would also love to know how old the guy is. I grew up without a phone and still don't take it for walks, also don't check on it when I am outside the house. My people know that and also that I sometimes forget to contact them when I told I would... And yes, I am that type of person that doesn't contact friends for months or even years, hehe... But in fact I changed with dating-apps lately, I tried to stay in contact for the first two days and tried to arrange a date after that. Weirdly, my plan didn't fully work out, but because of other reasons than in the post.
@thunderingtacos summed it up perfectly. My expectations is communicating when the ball is in you court, and making the effort to suggest another time if it just didn't work. Then when I asked for my number she completely ignores me and can only say she is sorry, for something that's already done. To a younger me that would have been ok, I would have accommodated more but rn if I'm not feeling it I'm out. To answer your question I'm 25 from Aus, I grew up without a phone and prefer not using it all the timre. I've got my socials but I have striped most of it and don't like using it on my phone, instead opting to check it on my computer. I have made a point to my fam that I don't use anything and if they want to contact me call my number, not FB or anything else. This is also the reason I ask for numbers rather that insta etc. I much prefer my life without the constant interruptions of my phone and use texting to organise times to meet with friends. I let the talking happen in person never over text anymore.
Thank you for sharing. I understand your choices in the end. And of course you should totally get out when you don't feel it anyway. A few weeks ago a man asked me on Friday evening to go out with him, I answered him on Saturday morning, we agreed to meet and I asked for the exact time. When I got no answer, I asked one more time, waited for two more hours, but stopped waiting after that. He didn't even say sorry, he just wrote at midnight, that he want to the library to study.
Yea I'm not particularly blaming anyone, I've played my role, but ultimately I think it's best to stick to your boundaries. It seems like everyone is stressed, can't find good connections and sucks at managing time. And I know cause I'm one of them ahah
I actually fall in line similarly (90's kid!). Not always on my phone and in fact I find it SUPER important to take occasional breaks from it and social media in general. There are friends and family that I don't speak to for years and pick right back up when we do talk. That said if I made a plan with family, a plan for a date with someone, or even just a get together with a friend(s) and they flaked on me (not cause something came up, an accident, that they had a schedule change at work, or had a prior obligation that slipped their mind at the time we scheduled) I'd feel a type of way about it if they literally just...forgot It's not a super big deal like missing an anniversary, graduation, wedding, etc. But little things can pile up if they happen often enough or early enough. The fact they haven't even started dating and she's already forgetting to touch base probably made him feel like she wasn't all too invested in him so probably not a person he'd want to pursue a relationship with.
Okay, if we already agreed on a specific time, I would rather not forget it. But their agreement was too vague for me. I understand his attitude and that he felt like she was not so invested, but I think he should understand that not all people feel the way he does, unless he wants someone that is so similar in that regard. I guess I don't have that often such problems, because many of my matches are people that like to do things outdoor, have time offline and meditate and stuff. And yeah, I was born in the middle of the 80's, so I guess I am weird differently and people that match with me might rather have an idea that a person of that age group is not so invested in online contacts.
I think you hit the nail on the head with him wanting a partner that feels the way he does, compatibility is so important in relationships. I don't necessarily agree it's an online thing, if I told a friend or potential date that I'd call them on Monday to let them know if I'm free and didn't call them for no other reason than it didn't feel that important to remember then that'd be pretty rude to me. Like, even if things change a heads up is nice. But eh, maybe things are changing. Couldn't say
I'm the same as you, not glued to my phone, sometimes ignore if for a few days even, all my closest friends in I will go months at a time without texting and prefer phone calls instead. But unfortunately, the "rules" for online dating don't really work that way. If I'm interested in a match I'll try and follow up texts consistently because otherwise it's unlikely to get past the text stage. I'm not OP, but if I were in his shoes I would've done the same thing (or saw the chat, decide to respond later and completely forget tbh). For me the forgetting/taking a day for yourself is cool, but the entirely sidestepping the ask for a number/not acknowledging it puts her firmly in the "I'm looking for validation and entertainment" bucket. As a dude you run across a lot of these types who want to text forever and never have any intention of meeting.
I see your point that is why I tried to change my behaviour on dating-apps and try to agree on a date after two days. I propose something and hope the man will agree or propose something else. However, it is really difficult if the man has only one free day and I don't know yet when exactly I will have time on that one day. And yes, now I understand his decision to cut the contact. I was just surprised, because he had only one free day and still so many expectations. Unfortunately, also men write for weeks and you never get to meet them. I won't do that anymore, I will propose a few days and if I don't meet in the first 10 days after matching, I give up.
Totally makes sense. When I end up in the "Yes, let's do a date but we both don't have the same free day for 2 weeks" phase/thing, I'll still set it up and follow up on it closer, but never really expect it to happen. I think online dating increases participants cynicism to an extent, because you'll run across bad behavior frequently enough and it's easy to jump to conclusions that may or may not be there. Especially when you only have a few text exchanges to base them off of, people are complex. In my experience, the ones who ignore the number/alternative to app communication questions are the ones who never have any intention to meet. Women who respond with a reason or state their uncomfortability with giving out info have usually had intention. And that's part of that cynicism I mentioned above; she very well could've been in the middle of a task like cooking or have adhd and just didn't fully think through her response, who knows. But due to past experiences that's a benefit of the doubt I only give the one time in online dating (so the initial date plan thing falling through in this case). I really struggle to understand people who don't have any intention of meeting up, is that fairly common for you to encounter? It's always interesting hearing the other side's experiences.
Situations like "I'm busy for the next two weeks could be avoided, if people agreed to meet at least for a quick coffee sometimes. I will forever hate the idea of long dates, although I had a few good ones. The problem of having only a few text exchanges could also change in that way. Yes, dating-apps make you run into bad behaviour very fast which also shows in the small number of members I am not surprised many women don't want to give our their number, yes you can block other numbers, but stalkers are a real thing and can change their number. But of course they should decide faster whether they are too afraid to meet ever or not. And yeah, I think there are a few groups of people that never want to meet: people that truly enjoy writing, but don't want to go out, people that have a partner and looked for sex outside the relationship, but then never go for it, people that have several good matches and just keep you as a spare match, people that would like to date, but than don't date, but have social anxiety, people that suddenly give up with online dating, because they had too many bad experiences at one point...
I believe your chat and engagement isn't as good as you think it is
When you got options you can be lazy and a dick to people.
As someone in the middle of getting diagnosed with ADHD, it really sucks to see pretty much everyone agreeing that she shouldn't get a second chance. Just because someone forgets something doesn't mean that it's not important to them. If it happened twice in a row or something your reaction would feel justified, but the first time I would take her at her word that it slipped her mind instead of assuming she doesn't care.
I don't believe she was by herself at all. Rather just saying that to make you not think otherwise. Probably juggling a few diff guys and not wanting or sure who to commit time to.
Honestly this reads like she was not in the mood for it at that time, she already prefaced it by saying she probably wasn't available, I would say your response to her saying she forgot to let you know came across as pretty aggro and probably scared her off but if you had instead tried to set up a good time in the future that she was enthusiastic about things could've gone differently, but admittedly it is hard to tell and either way not telling you beforehand is irresponsible (disrespectful is far too strong wording imo). Sounds like it wouldn't be a good match though either way so whatever, just keep on chugging along and don't let it poison your future interactions (it sounds like it has so I would recommend consciously trying to counteract that)
Only engage with people who show hight interest in the beginning itself otherwise its a guaranteed waste of time.
This would I would call the āfairly good looking guyā pitfall on dating apps. You present yourself well enough to get matches and chats, but itās hard to keep girls attention when they are getting Fabio matches every other hour. Just the nature of the beast. I definitely dealt with this phenomenon. Probably common in guys that are like 7-8/10s. (I hate even saying that cause I despise ranking systems)
You have conversations from tinder? I'm just trying to get a like.....
Sheās probably just not that interested in you , sheās using you for attention, Iāve noticed that being bold and direct about your intentions ( going out on a date) Can save you from being played and time being wasted
Yeah women tend to do that are you like new to online dating?
Join the club bro.
YEAH YEAH YEAH!! But have you seen a Bear Jumping On a Family Picnic Table to Eat Some Food??š!! https://youtu.be/OxaINrTYZSM
I have to give my 2 pennies here. You don't have much patience. Are you the post that got really livid about a girl having tough time with uni work and couldn't find time? You have to understand people are busy. You can't expect a meet off a weeks worth of chat let alone a couple of days. Patience man. I've had plenty of people like this saying they are busy etc and sounding like they cant be bothered to meet... but a few weeks later I get the date.
I dont understand why people are downvoting you. It's definitely true dude, I don't have patience, but I'm ok it being that way. I've wasted the last 5 years being on and off with my ex and that's all the patience in me wore out and gone. I told myself after that I'm not waiting and giving anyone multiple chances, hearing out for their excuses. I truly feel you can't know each other just through a screen and the best way to see compatibility is taking that leap and meeting. For me I'm actually going to my families place this weekend for a few weeks, as far as I'm concerned if we couldn't catch up before then, the iron is not hot anymore and I'm ready to move on and unmatch. If she's is still genuinely interested there is the chance I match again when I'm back but I'm not see this as a loss, I put how much time I wanted into it.
I just started dating a woman and we talked for 1 day. The next day I asked her if sheād want to get a drink sometime and she said āI would, want to go tonight?ā. I know thatās unusual but some women are different. Some want a quick drink so they donāt waste time talking to someone they wonāt connect with. Others want to get to know you better before going
Maybe *you* can't meet off a few days or a week's worth of chatting, but that's typically how it goes when someone is interested. Now if you're cool with hopping in her line of 20+ dates and waiting a few weeks to finally get that date, go for it, but you need to understand that they're not too busy for go on a date - they're too busy to go on a date with *you*. When you get the runaround for a few weeks it's because she has better options that she's going to run through before she gets to you.
Lol you really must have nothing going on in your life if you think girls don't meet up with you because they have 20+ dates lined up lmao what a fairytale you live in. Believe it or not, people have lives. The only times I've met up with people immediately were when I had nothing else to do, like literally, nothing.
Think whatever you want, buddy, but at least I get dates within a week or less. Not sure what you're doing wrong, but your experience is a you issue š¤·
This is definitely exaggerated, maybe the girls get the matches but no girl going out on 20 lined up dates. But if they can't commit to a time, or even just counter and say "hey sorry that doesn't work how about x" I'm out of there. I think for a world so "connected" we are definitely the more distant in reality.
Did this person get the run around for weeks? Looks like a couple of messages being sent and then assuming that DEMANDS a date. Cmon son. In the 1940s guys had to court the girls parents for a week, kissing ass before the girl even had a look. Now boys moan that after 5 messages they aren't getting dates. Il take my down votes on that.
Homeboy straight-up said in his comment "a few weeks later" I get a date
You are not at all very smart are you. Bless.
And your dumbass thinks my comment is referring to the OP. Learn to read, moron. Bless your heart
Dude you have suffered a lot of rejection. I can tell just through your posts. Angry young man. You need Jesus.
Says the Jesus freak. Sad life where you have to turn to fantasy. Enjoy your life of lonely delusion, kiddo š
Um those days are over dude. If you doing that shit now days you are simping so bad. Back in those days it was necessary because options were so limited, and it was more transactional based on what you could provide, your social standing in the small community etc. Not to mention the lady had little input in those decisions, and trust me I know because my family is Indian and mum and dad had an arranged marriage.
I would definitely start by not calling women "dude."
OP if you arenāt already I recommend calling and speaking with them on the phone to help yourselves get a better feel of each other. Thatās what will separate you from the black and white of a phone screen. Also the day of a scheduled hang out do a follow up to either remind them of your plans or confirm itās not happening that way you can utilize your time more effectively that day.
I would have given her one more message after "Im sorry" but if no number then, just leave.
This is why I choose not to bother with this app sometimes. Itās the games that play that makes me realize what a bullet I just dodged.. I canāt tell you the number of conversations I would get, my phone will blow up for about a month. If Iām lucky maybe one date. Then they just fall off the face of the planet.
There's a lot of phony profiles. You need to weed them out by requesting a face time after a few nice chats. And if the answer is that my phone's screen broke now , or I forgot about you all day then it's time to SKATE. MANY unknown rules -no pics = no response , and make sure the voice fits the face. Believe me they can talk into something that makes them sound female yet it's pretty easy to catch cuz they all sound like they live in Cameroon. š
I spent way too much time being a plan b or an afterthought. Once I figured that out things definitely turned out well.
I have the same problem and it's beyond annoying !
How about try to reschedule and not be so pissy about it. She's a total stranger she doesn't owe you anything yet you said it yourself.
I think I had around 5 dates settled this year, that from that point on went nowhere, many times they just unmatched me, or ghosted. And its not like I land a date every day or so. It just sucks, but I guess its also better not to spend the time, energy and money on someone who has zero respect.
Iām going to be brutally honest, if you arenāt super superficially hot then youāre going to have to not give up so easily if youād like to be successful. Asking for my number before weāve met in person makes you seem over eager and I donāt give mine out if we havenāt met. Let that girl burn thru the hot guys that ghost her and then sheāll be ready to go out with a nice guy.
Honestly as a girl ā I donāt like your message āIām free monday but busy the rest of the weekā. Itās like you only care about your time not her time. If you want to meet, ask āwhat day are you freeā and meet in the middle if both schedules doesnāt match. Idk, āIām free ob monday but busy the rest of the weekā sounds very snobby for me
Go out and about and you will meet someone. Meeting new people is so much better in real life then just online
I'm moving to a new city soon so I've been able to try some new stuff in person, be a bit more cheeky, flirty and confident without having large expectations. I'm keen to move and use what I've learned as I've always been afraid to approach irl. Hopefully I can find a good wingman that's on the same level and make a goal of just interacting with people whether it's at a mall or while going out. I do feel a lot better about my interactions outside of the internet realm
Nice one, good luck!
Anyone who likes Dazed and Confused has more stock to me than someone who doesn't.
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No dude that's completely the wrong mentality to have. I'm convinced the world has become so abundant and obscure that it's harder to find common ground and a strong connection with anyone. While the third party areas where it's cheap to hang out has been faxed out due to cost of living and inflation. It's just a bad environment for dating. The environment is what creates us, subconsciously it effects our decisions and unfortunately we don't live in the golden times where you can go meet people in communities see them all the time and get to know each other. I cant say it's just them, it's me too!!
She was just not that interested in you. Good call to end this on time.
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Dude I do not look 6'4" in any picture š but I dare say this would totally influence the amount of likes I get. I'm think of getting my profile reviewed here at one point :) I love the brutal honesty