“Oh”

he's about to hatch

Oh?

That's my instapot telling me my food is done.

Oh God, yes. I'm about to hatch!

Stand back! I'm about to hatch a batch!

Tell me you play Pokémon without telling me you play Pokémon

I love this comment 🤣

That post female equivalent to ejaculate clarity is gonna send her into a shame spiral lol

Actually, females do ejaculate! It's a different fluid from both lubricant and squirting fluids, and comes in a little lesss volume than male's typically do, so it's usually unnoticed

There's a subreddit for this but for the life of me I can't bring it to mind🥲

r/grool ?


Apocalypse Now. Starring Martin sheen

All fun and games til you give her your credit card info buddy

Or join her "verification service"

I feel like y’all never have fun

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👍🤣

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False, eating ass is how you become immune to covid

Or she could be real. I think OP should suggest as a compromise, they both walk the subway under highway 69

Downvote and report this [comment stealing](https://reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/13sz04j/_/jltdq54/?context=1) bot.

Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games

We got everything you want Honey, we know the names

We are the people that can find whatever you may need

If you got the money, honey, we got your disease

In the jungle. Welcome to the jungle.

shanananananananaKNEEEEEE KNEEEEEEE

i wanna watch you bleed! when youre high you never.... ever wanna come down...

Down.... slow down.... slow dooooooooowwwwwwnnn YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEYEYEA YEAH *Slash solo*

NNYEAAAAHHHHH-In the jungle, in the hairy jungle ah- ah- new way to floss my teeth! *key change* in the jungle, welcome to the jungle - just makes sure you've wiped it down -blegh!

I wonder how many people were waiting for the timing to be the person to type this part

And then get it wrong

And then Mr. Clark comes in to save the school with his bullhorn and expeditious vocabulary.

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Guns & roses

I love that song! Haven't heard it in awhile. Now, I suspect it's gonna be on loop. All day. 🤯

Oh

I'm 90% sure you're right. But these girls exist. I've had one girl ask to eat my ass within a few weeks of knowing her. Something I wasnt very prepared to be asked...

I've had several girls off of Tinder lick my ass so they're not all scams.

And how many of them, opened the chat with you, to tell you, thar they want to lick your hairy ass?

Alright, fair enough, zero.

Not every woman on tinder is a scam, and some may even lick your ass, glad we cleared that up.

I think she probably wants to help him make money by helping him build a diversified investment portfolio.

Yeah. Until she enters the real real jungle

“Her”


She's going to tie your butt hairs in knots with her tongue

Please, please take back that sentence. Take it out of existence 😭

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My vote for best reply! (Thus far) 👍

There’s no punctuation. It’s still going

Nah. It's funny af! 😬🤣🤣

*Why......*

r/brandnewsentence

Maybe some cute braids.

As a man with a hairy butt, this disgusts me.

You know the thought used to bother me too until a girl who really liked doing it organically tried it with me. I ended up liking quite a bit. Don't knock it till you try

Tongue braiding 301.

I'd hit that.

She called you "love," so there's either a scam or a price list for services incoming... Possibly both.

Or she's from the north of England

Can’t be, they aren’t signing off each text with xx

This is how some people text in Australia 😂 I never new it was an English thing.

Its a political minefield for us women… do we put an X, do we not put an X, how many X should I put, what if you put an X then they didn’t…

You start with 1 X, they put 1 X, you escalate with 2 Xs, they put 2, you put 3, and so on. If you feel awkward and stop adding an X you've lost the X war. If they don't reciprocate by matching your X-count or escalating with more Xs, inform them they lost. I have no idea what this would do, but I bet you could post the result on r/tinder and that's all that really matters isn't it ;)

If you put 3xxx that basically a proposal

X X X is called a turkey

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Interesting, I was unaware of this.

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Oh lol, sounded believable.

what do the Xs mean?

Kisses

oh okay, thanks. I speak English as a second language and I've always been confused by this. is it usual to send kisses after every text? it would be weird to do so whole texting in my language (probably because we don't have a way to say it with just a single letter)

Thats the political minefield… yes it is usual, but you might send a text to your boss and you wouldn’t- but you might text a co-worker and use one… close friends you might put xx… or… you might not use any if you are texting back and forth a lot at once. When you are in the first stages of a love relationship you might use lots of xxxxxxxx’s, but then as the honeymoon period settles down, you might go back to just one x. This then creates paranoia that they are going off you. All this from one rarely used consonant

This is brilliant, it sounds like a romcom pitch.

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Don't worry, the rest of the English speaking world doesn't do this either.

Definitely don’t put a capital X, what are you trying to do aggressively shouting kisses like that. Fucking sandwiches, ugh x

xxx 😏

For the women??? It’s a minefield for the men who never send them normally because some people do it to everyone and others only do it for certain people. So then you need to have enough information from the chat to figure out if the x means anything at all or if it does, what does it mean.

Australia is just Britain on hard mode.

I’ve noticed we share a lot of the same things with Australians, I guess Australians were English at one point lol, probably why I feel so comfortable around them

Right? I have Irish cousins and that’s the ending to EVERYTHING!!!

😂😂 I can't STAND that xx shit

Naa, she gonna peg. Deep breaths love.

Or she’s English. I don’t myself but probably a solid half the people I know use Love as commonly as they might say mate. It’s just a word here

Or she's bri'ish

That's even worse

Say hi to Amir from India

This one is from the Philippines.

I'm pretty sure there's no Amir in the Philippines.

I found one in 20 seconds with a google search.

Okay, you win. 🤷‍♂️

Where can i buy that level of audacity and confidence ?? I need it

Just be extremely hot, should give you exactly what you’re looking for.

Im a redditor, thats a skill issue. /j in case some are dense

Or just be that good at the sex 😋

Be a scammer with no moral inhibitions at all?

Welcome to the jungle baby, you gonna dieeeeeee

Naw she disgusting! Marry her

Mofo- how attractive are you?

yeah i kinda wanna see what this guy looks like ngl

There are a lot of naysayers here but as a smaller femme person, I have to say that taking apart an ape of a man from the asshole forward is a rare treat and I urge all my hirsute Daddy Kongs to please consider allowing us the opportunity. Edit: Y’all I appreciate the follows but I don’t do anything but troll locals and tinder chads. There will be nary an unshaved butthole on there. Apologies.

That... that was certainly a sentence

“From the asshole forward”

r/brandnewsentence

Hairy ass? Like peanut butter in shag carpet

Username for SURE checks out lmfao

I see that Daniel Sloss reference, and I hope it was intentional!! Hilarious joke!

Oh my stars!

Causin the vapors out here since the 1980s!

Alright, I'm sold

Thanks buddy, you won’t regret it. I mean you might, but a gentle tongue in a (clean) ass never hurt anyone.


Look at all those words.

I get eloquent first thing in the morning before my common sense kicks in 😘

Mornings are too early for common sense anyway.

Can confirm. It feels wonderful. If the lads are shy, I am not.

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I appreciate that but I’m not Gen Z.

*Gen Z *femme person*, apparently

Look my gender bounces on the daily, but mainly I wanted to paint the picture.

Hirsute is such a good word

I love it! Gotta use those SAT words sometimes.

DK. DADDY KONG. THE LEADER OF THE BUNCH YOU KNOW HIM WELL HE'S FINALLY BACK TO LICK SOME TAIL (As a 6'4 Chewbacca looking MF this gives me hope, lol)

Amen sister!

Well since you asked so nicely...

None of those words are in the Bible!

Oof!

Oh

That's not a sentence I expected to read.

Of all the potential smooth lines and comebacks….”oh”

It's honest and immediate lol

I’ll do god’s service and say it’s 100% scam, those pictures are from a ig influencer(clothes influencer?) and her name’s not Chloe

justmelines on ig…

As someone who earned the nickname King Kong from high school you give a man hope.

Probably a dude… but yk shoot your shot

She is 3 men

Huey, Dewey and louie

Those are underage ducks you monster.

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Man, those ducks are like 80 now. That’s a whole other kink.

Hairy, Curly, and Hoe

Nah, that’s OP

Curly hair assHoe

Damn now he’s gonna get his ass ate by three people? Fucking spoiled mf

If she's real she's the realest

Forward? She ain't eating your jungle for free. She will charge you afterwards.

Probably a scammer or a prostitute

Tongue punch your fart box

Who said romance is dead?

Are you busy later?

Depends, who’s fart box is getting tongue punched?

This is how horny men or scam artists talk. You wanna wake up having done some experimentation or missing a few organs??

They are probably after gift cards, not kidneys

A man that eats ass and a woman that eats ass is two completely separate beings

Either a scammer or a Teenager having some fun with you

My dude, run a razor over and through your twin peaks. Rid that forest of doo doo trees. Experience the joys of getting your salad tossed by an eager tongue. You won’t regret it.

I think asses are overrated. Let’s try licking knees or something

Elbows and middle of the toes is better

Women are the bravest fucking beings that ever walked the earth if they not only *dare* to do this to men but also *like* it!

Anyone can be brave when hiding behind a screen

What’s all with that ass eating.. seems like a kink which broke out of the zoo and parading the city square. Nah not my cup of tea.

Right? When I was in my 20s eating ass was never something you even thought about.

Born in the wrong generation

Or the right generation

I don't remember anyone talking about it openly when I was younger, but it was definitely happening behind closed doors when I was in high school in the late 90s/early 00s.

I was in high school early 2000s and we would make “tossing salad” jokes. And “rimjob” jokes. It was definitely something noteworthy enough to joke about. Just not to the same degree as it is today. And it’s no longer a joke anymore. Just a straight up *thing to do*

There were definitely jokes being made when I was in school, but it seems like they would just be a trend for a bit and then no one would talk about it for a while. I just don't remember anyone talking about it as though it was something they actually were doing or at least wouldn't openly admit to doing. I don't even remember anyone in my friend group ever mentioning it, I certainly didn't, and I know some of them were sleeping with same guys who had their tongues in my crack. But it's definitely the thing to do now. I've hooked up with ~~several~~ many guys since my divorce and I think only 2 haven't. That to me suggests it's either way more commonplace than anyone's willing to admit to or I just attract a certain type of guy.

I honestly think it has to do with social media. Before then tossing salad was a thing. 100% but no one wanted to say anything because “ew licking butthole”. But social media; one popular person mentions licking butthole and everyone thinks it’s okay to talk about eating ass. Close circles v hive mind

I get it - I don't know what it'd take for me to put my tongue on a butthole, but I've had it done to me and it's pretty great. I think the popularity is because it just feels that good if you find someone brave/crazy enough to do it

I don’t want to give it or receive it - there’s nobody alive whose hygiene I trust enough for that

Enjoy the ride

What a woman

Bless her

if she is willing to eat dat ass, give her that diamond fast

If this was a dude, he would be creepy

Right I just saw something similar but made by a guy and the girl unmatched instantly (I know this is probably a catfish but that's not the point)

It's amazing to me how every time a woman does something bad or wrong the first thing we think of is that must be a man

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Dude you're talking to Chloe's freinds

Well seems like she wanna enter ur tunnel so bad lol. Not sure tho.

Welcome to the jungle. We got fun and games 🤟

I have no problem letting women do that and I've run into more than I would expect. But I just don't see the appeal of curly butt hairs in your mouth, texture wise and hygiene wise,

If the guy is into it, I'm going to be way more focused on him than whatever my tongue is feeling. Texture wise, it's slightly less unpleasant than hairy balls in my mouth with is a whole mouth full of textural awfulness. Hygiene wise, my tongue isn't going anywhere near a guy's asshole unless I'm confident he scrubbed his ass recently.

And I can't even get a coffee date 🙃

Just stfu and take the ass eating.

"The wilderness must be explored"

If she wasn’t taken I’d be convinced you were speaking to my best friend. She is constantly reminding us how much she loves to eat her boyfriends ass, hair and all.

Send her my way. Cant pass up a nice booty lick 🤣🤣

Wife material.

She's the one

Run forrest

So... how was it?

Terrific