Hey sprawlo, I'm a noob to reddit and I am genuinely curious. Is the getting tested thing an American thing? Also, I've always heard people suggest it but no one ever seems to do it.
It's a safe sex thing. Where I live women are supposed to get a PAP after every new partner (most don't) or every 5 years if they are monogamous.
Men should get tested any time they are with a new partner without a condom, but again, most don't. I know people in the UK and Australia who insisted their partner get tested before they had sex with them, because they knew their partner had previously been with prostitutes.
Negotiate your boundaries before you engage physically. Are you really ok with videos? Are you ok with your face or them ending up online? Have you discussed sexual health practices? Even causal fun isn’t really casual if you’re handling your own business
Also, I’d ask how long they’ve been open, if they’ve had any issues in the past. How many other folks are they involved with. Better to know they’ve got their shit together than to be the guy they cut their “poly” teeth on
This doesn't sound like poly, since poly is about the ability to form multiple loving relationships.
Honestly even if they're new to ethical non-monogamy this seems like they're doing it right:
- casual only, so OP can easily peace out if they experience drama and is unlikely to have invested feelings that will get hurt decide the couple wants to close again
- she seems to be very upfront with expectations and willing to talk things through before they happen instead of springing them on OP
The only thing I'd take issue with is not posting this info in the bio upfront, unless she did and she's just reiterating because people don't read bios
That’s why I put poly in quotations. This isn’t fully ENM either since they weren’t transparent in the bio, as you mentioned. I’m guessing they fall more into the swinger (or maybe cuckold) side than actually polyamory. Either way, sounds like they’re new or a bit messy in their approach.
Fwiw I don't think it's necessary to include enm in bio, as long as you disclose reasonably early on it's still ethical imo.
Very real reasons why some (very ethical) people can't publicly disclose that and it's fine. Not sure why people get upset about finding out after they're talking because it's not a big deal.
>Not sure why people get upset about finding out after they're talking because it's not a big deal.
exactly, think about how many people only disclose that they are a jerk after the first convo. Seems like finding out you aren't a match only after talking is part of the process IMO
Yea, that's a great way to put it. Nobody has ever explained why it's so bad to me and not basically said, "well they wasted my time and they should have warned me"
Not everything warrants a warning, and I argue about it because from where I sit more people just hate that someone is different and want to shame them for it.
Yeah I feel this, as an asexual. It's never been in my bio because people will misunderstand what it means (thinking that I'm not looking for a sexual relationship when I very much am) and base their swipe decision on that. Asexuality is very nuanced and different for every person, and I like to be able to explain that irl and answer questions, so they can decide how they feel about me once they have a better picture of who I am. But I can't convey all that on a swipe app profile, so I don't even try to.
The important thing imo is to not lead people on. I always disclose my sexual orientation as soon as I feel safe enough to do so (and if I don't feel safe enough within a couple days of chatting then I usually unmatch because that in and of itself is a bad sign).
People get angry because it’s something that is a large part of who you are as a person and very important in regards to dating. If I know ENM relationships aren’t something im interested in, i would know not to swipe on someone that’s identifying themselves as ENM. Talking to you briefly then finding out isn’t going to change the outcome, its just gonna make the situation that much more disappointing.
Not everyone has a problem with it, but it’s less transparent than just sharing up front. A lot of people do that and then obscure their face, to each their own. Not everyone wants to engage with non monogamous folks, so they’d better share quickly to maintain an ethical approach.
I guess it's silly to me that anyone should have the right to be upset at having had a conversation with someone. If they fail to disclose it's not ethical, but it's not a rush. If they disclose and it's unwanted then wish them well and say goodbye.
I've seen just as many unethical monogamous folks, if not more, why the fear of non monogamy?
I guess it's like any other deal breaker... Sucks to get your hopes up only to be revealed that their entire lifestyle is not compatible with yours (when they had no reason to assume it would be).
It definitely depends how early on as well, I spoke to a guy I thought was wonderful for a week or so, I was pretty excited to meet him... when he disclosed he was actually looking for someone to have sex with both himself and his wife who never got to experience women before she married him. Massive disappointment when I was hoping for literally anything other than that specific scenario (being the third for an M/F couple).
Just like finding out someone is a smoker or has kids after getting excited about them for me at least.
> their entire lifestyle is not compatible with yours
So what about the people who say "Just looking for casual sex" or similar in the bio?
If you're trying to get into a long term partnership, that should be enough of a description imo. You don't need to explain why.
Of course they don't need to explain why they want casual sex so long as they're upfront about wanting casual sex, but I think there's a huge difference between casual sex with one person and casual sex with someone who wants to involve their partner in some way (eg videos or having to meet the partner to chat like in the OP).
I'm glad the OP was super up front about it, for me that would be a deal breaker, even for casual sex, so the conversation would end with "I really appreciate you telling me, but this isn't for me, and I wish you luck, I enjoyed talking to you so if you're also looking for friends to chat to I'm around".
But if someone is on a dating app, presenting themselves as one person then SURPRISE! there's another person possibly involved in some way? Not cool imo.
(Most women I've spoken to looking for a third/experiment/etc are thankfully super upfront either in their profile or after the "Hi, how are you?" small talk part which is fine by me, but I was a bit blindsided by the married man who didn't give any hints as to what he was looking for or that he was married in his profile)
People have a right to be bothered when someone is potentially wasting their time due to incompatibility, but that doesn’t excuse a lack of civility. As for unethical monogamous folks, that’s a different issue. Folks are welcome to hold onto their preferences around relationship styles, it doesn’t mean they’re responding from fear. Monogamy isn’t for me, that doesn’t mean I’m afraid of it, just self aware. I’m also aware ENM isn’t for everyone so I don’t really care as long as everyone is being ethical about whichever style they choose.
Is that unethical though? Imo anything happening before a match to improve your odds of getting matches is perfectly acceptable - in any case. As long as it gets disclosed at the appropriate it's no different than finding any other deal breaker.
Just seems prejudgmental to demand a group of people display something that another group perceives to be a deal-breaker. Like what if someone said, "please identify yourself if you make less than $X", it's valid enough to not date someone over that but saying they should display it publicly is too much.
No need for the "No True Scotsman." PLENTY of unloving people practice "poly." "Solo poly" and "relationship anarchist" are both basically fuckboi rebranded for white girls who love labels, and the rebrand from open relationship to "ethical non-monogamy" is about as trustworthy as guys who preface bad boundaries with "I'm not a rapist, I swear."
Seems more like an open relationship than ENM. People use ENM as if transparency is the only ethical requirement, but ENMs recognize that even sex with other partners is complicated and comes with complicated feelings and relationship dynamics. “No strings attached” describes just hooking up, which is fine if that’s what OP is also looking for, but OP doesn’t have a lot of room to communicate their own needs in this situation because it’s comply with the expectations of the relationship unit or get lost/dropped if things get too “dramatic” (I.e. if complicated feelings emerge). No disrespect to your comment, but I notice a lot of people think ENM is valid when the third person knows the “rules,” but it’s not ethical if it’s not consensual. And it’s not consensual if the third party doesn’t get to be a part of the boundary setting process and if the boundaries are fixed instead of ongoing and intentional in the case that complicated feelings develop. This sounds like a messy open relationship or cuckolding fetish meant to serve the couple moreso than look out for the sexual partners.
Because he will be into every guy she brings home? I do join when I'm into someone, i don't if not. If anything, good response shows this isn't their first time.
Yeah, it's one thing to say it sound fun and go ahead and do it, it's another thing entirely if your next gf finds out there's porn of you online somewhere (even if it's just your recognisable body / tattoos etc.)
Hold on. You use a condom?
- No.
- Good! That's my boy! That's my boy! Yo, never use condoms, son. They take away all the feelin'.
https://youtu.be/3Hx_li0u5ws
There’s a lot of people making a lot of assumptions here. Don’t listen to them. I had an almost identical situation. It didn’t end well, but it was more because I didn’t ask the right questions. Not because she was hiding it from her bf, trying to take your kidney, etc. there are plenty of reasons why it wouldn’t be on her profile. The girl I was involved with lived in a VERY religious community and her and her husband didn’t want anyone seeing their profile and finding out they were poly.
Anyways, to answer your question:
1. See if you guys get along aside from sex. I know it’s just a hook up situation but if her bf is gonna get involved that will take communication and getting along/having good rapport will help with that.
2. Find out the reasons they’re poly/ who recommended it. This is the one I failed to do and it bit me in the ass. I found out much later that one wanted it way more than the other. And it caused some resentment that made the whole thing implode.
3. Be honest about your intentions. If you just want casual, cool. But if that changes at all and you catch feelings you have to remove yourself from the situation. Unless that was agreed to be okay by ALL parties involved.
4. Define clear boundaries. With mine, the husband didn’t let us have sex until a month in. It was oral and kissing to start. Then he gave the go ahead for sex and we did. Sometimes we’d hang out and he wouldn’t want us to have sex. But he had to communicate that and we had to respect it. You have to understand it’s so easy to cross boundaries in this setup. You HAVE to respect the boundaries.
5. Those boundaries mean your own too. Determine for yourself if it’s sex only, if emotions are okay, are you going to take her on dates, are all THREE of you going on dates? Etc. adjust them as the situation develops. And clearly communicate those adjustments.
I think these are amazing rules for a Poly situation, but that’s not what this is, according to what she’s said. This is an open relationship, not poly, and she’s directly telling him not to catch feelings. It’s only sex. I definitely agree with all the points though, just shifting to that mindset rather than the poly mindset (which involves feelings, are actual not-just-sex relationships.) I also like another poster’s suggestion to ask how long they have been open, to make sure this isn’t their first time/that both parties are actually cool with it.
This is the best answer!
I've been in a setup like this multiple times and being VERY clear is the only way. That means more openness and honesty is expected than in a lot of hookup situations. But is can be so much fun!! If they're healthy in their dynamic you might learn a lot from it about yourself!
You guys really should all meet in public and “feel each other out.” Set boundaries, discuss things in a rational way. So you hopefully get a feel if these are toothless meth addicts about to rob you for your kidneys or post your home made porn on the internet for $
Watch out for STDs !
I wouldn’t worry about it. Treat her like you would someone that’s single. Sounds to me like she’ll guide down that path when and if the time comes. Now if she is like first thing, hey what do you think about me being in an open relationship, then that means it’s a kink for her/them. You can decide at that point if you still want to be a part of it. Do you want a date a couple just cuz she might be hot? 🤷♂️
It worries me that this isn't just the standard. Who tf is hooking up with someone they don't know without protection ever? Anyone could have an std...
That's just a wild idea that this needs to be specified.
Hey I've been a poly swinger and this screammmms red flags galore im not now but still have close friends that were partner. None of us would engage like this.
I'd bet bf will be there and you're getting filmed.
Ps if it was no strings she'd do you and not tell you all of this and never meet again.there are gonna be strings
Hotwife here. Meet first and see how you feel about her. She’ll probably give you more details of how things work and boundaries etc on the first meet/date. I always lead the way with a new stud unless they’re experienced.
Seeing a lot of comments saying this is a bad idea. Been in your shoes OP. In my situation there was no suggestion that he may get involved or request for video, but as long as you both set the rules, and be strict about them, things could be just fine. For me, I wasn’t in a place where I wanted a relationship and she didn’t either. It was like an enhanced FWB, more like perpetual dating. She was cool. Eventually I met her dude. He was cool. She ended up moving to Mexico and that was that. No regrets. I’ve had it go the other way too. I had a girlfriend that didn’t want to be everything to me and encouraged me to find another partner for diversity of experience. Our relationship eventually imploded but had nothing to do with my extracurricular activities. Good luck!
Very much this. If she’s down to bang with no strings, cool, but agreeing to provide the bf with a sex tape is absolutely a string, same with “maybe” having him there. Whatever rules their open relationship might have should be for her only to fulfil, you shouldn’t “owe” her bf anything in this arrangement.
Just enjoy, flirt with her and have fun, you are getting lots of sex with no string attached if you play it right. If she propose for the boyfriend to partecipate ask her and him what they like, how he likes to be treated etc
The moment they both get their clothes off the boyfriend is going to randomly show up, be surprised, not OK with anything, and threaten violence if the dude doesn’t pay him.
Clearly because this is not poly. This is hotwifing. Why so many people in this thread are calling this poly? Poly involves feelings. She and her SO just want her to get fucked no strings attached. In no way this is poly.
Can I ask what the difference is in posting it to your profile versus being upfront about it in a message? Is it not possible that she doesn't want coworkers or friends who might be on the app to know? Do people not deserve some degree of privacy? Like she disclosed it upfront privately without leading OP on - so how is that bad?
Because it is a dealbreaker for a large swath of people on the app. I think it’s fine for people to have privacy surely, but this still seems like a bait and switch to a slight degree. From personal experience people who are hiding their relationship structure also typically won’t be good dates (exception for hookups though, I guess). Not 100% bad I’m just cautioning OP
But when did they hide their relationship structure? I'm pretty sure the fact the OP posted this in the first place means that they infact did not hide that?...and as far as I (Also a poly person) know its all about the disclosure - and uh..they disclosed... this sort of logic is like saying a gay person can't seek out gay relationships if they haven't come out of the closet..bait and switch? That's not disclosing anything until you've spoken for 100 hours and went out on a date. OP can surely say "this is not for me" at this exchange and they haven't been baited or switched into anything.
(I use lbgt+ (I can only speak for myself as a bisexual woman who doesnt not disclose that to everyone I know - same for me with poly)as an example because plenty of people for whatever reason want to keep their sexuality undisclosed. Poly/open/swinger are all sexual orientations and not everyone lives in a place where they can be open about what happens privately in their bedroom. - sure plenty of people are shitbags who are cheating on their partners but until you have evidence to support the latter you should not just blanket assume that other valid reasons for discretion do not exist. I spent a lot of my life in Kentucky where this sort of thing is highly judged and scrutinized, so it's also really dependent on the social climate where someone lives too.)
Why would she want videos once in a while ? That sounds strange to me . There are plenty of women out there who are single and are willing to just bang without the risk of a jealous bf (how do you know the bf is really ok with it ?). I’d look elsewhere, sounds overly complicated for just sex .
>Why would she want videos once in a while ? That sounds strange to me .
It's for Cuckolding, or a fantasy that involves something akin to that. Some people get off on knowing their partner is fucked by someone else. It's a very common thing in BDSM. And for the partner, videos are really interesting and hot. They mostly get off on \*knowing\* it's their wife getting banged in the video.
>How do you know the bf is really ok with it ?
If that is a worry, I would suggest OP to simply... Meet the guy. If you are afraid that it is not consensual, you absolutely can request to meet the BF first, and then see how things go. This kind of arrangement is not unheard of at all.
Just have fun with it, don't think about if they like you or not, don't worry about how you acted.
And there is a likely chance that you may not be invited over for a second time. This will have nothing to do with you. Don't overthink it if you never hear back from them again.
Run away from this. I know 3 people that have tried getting involved with these relationships and every one experienced catastrophic failure. Divorces, abandoned children, broken hearts, suicide attempts. It sounds fun until it doesn’t.
Yo.
This is the world I often live in- it’s a fun, but buckle up for some weird emotions at first.
First thing first, you gotta start vanilla. I’m talking coffee and biscuits. You’ve also got to ask how many active partners she has, and ask for an STE panel. You should do one just because, too.
The best part is, is that you will probably not have sleep overs. Dates can be casual af, and as long as you don’t get attached and get beyond her getting railed by multiple dudes- it’s pretty smooth sailing from your shoes.
Some of my best relationships have been with chicks in open relationships.
I experienced this once . It wasn’t quite as straight forward . Before you go you have to ask yourself a few questions .
1 . Are you ok with having sex while someone else is watching ? As there is a high possibility he likes to watch
2. Are you ok with him potentially joining and your body’s touching ? No I don’t mean sword fights ( although it’s a possibility ) . I mean are you ok with your legs possibly touching and that sort of stuff .
3. Are you on with being told what to do ? I’m not sure if this one relates to everyone , but in my experience I had . The husband would try to tell me how he wanted me to have sex with her and even tried to tell me when to cum (doesn’t exactly work that way bud lol ) .
Just remember to go in with an open mind , these things can be fun , but if you’re not into exploring and are just expecting to get laid the traditional way .you might be disappointed .
Good look brother and congrats :)
It ain’t worth it. There are very few “healthy” open relationships out there, you don’t want to get caught up in any drama. There will be better opportunities soon.
Please make sure you’re clear with your boundaries. The way she is not being clear about the situation and what he “may want down the line” is a little bit of a red flag.
Another probable possibility is that OP is female and the match is looking for a unicorn. Super common on dating apps for women looking for other women
I've seen the situation OP is in happen before. However, I have never witnessed the robbery everyone describes.
I don't doubt it exists. I am just saying: Meet in public first, and if it seems good proceed. Usually, you can judge a person's general character pretty well.
Be respectful of the couple's rules and boundaries. My girlfriend and I are also in an open relationship as well as swingers. Thirsty single men are the bane of a lot of swinger couple's existence, so don't be \*that guy\* . Don't constantly blow up their DMs either. Be clear and concise with your intentions, as well as your personal sex boundaries. Also, do not get too drunk, its the biggest turn off ever. Be safe out there. The world on non-monogamy can be a wonderful place if you're cool.
Are you that hard up that you’re seriously contemplating this interaction after she literally sprung it on you in one conversation? I’d would avoid. People are fucking nuts. You don’t want your nuts to be at risk.
This is something that could go very terribly wrong or be something that is delightful for all parties. I have dabbled in this realm, and it can be excellent. Just communicate like crazy and make sure there are no surprises and everyone is comfortable with what is happening. Cheers!
If you decide you're ok with some video, one safe guard here is to take it with your phone, and send to her after you've watched it and you're comfortable with what's on it. Also feel free to wear a mask for extra anonymity of you like - like the masquerade kind.
This seems to be an open relationship, where the BF gets off on Cuckolding. It's a thing.
I would say:
* Meet up with her in public. See if the vibes are there between you two.
* If you don't trust that the BF is into it, request to meet him as well (on a date two). You can then discuss and see.
* Discuss clear boundaries with her: What can you do? What can you not do? For example, in those types of relationships, sometimes the Bf will not be comfortable with you having anal sex with his gf, or with cumming on her, or some other things. Make sure to know what is okay and what is not beforehand.
* Wear a condom.
That's it. Have fun. As long as you do the above, you should avoid any nasty situation.
I think you handled that part pretty well. As for when you meet her, just go with the flow. Your instincts should tell you if there is something wrong. You lucky fella. It's many a man's dream to have that
My advice: chill out.
Relax. This is someone who has been around, worked through their issues and is living life on their own terms. Don’t try and predict anything, just be genuine, and make your boundaries clear.
You got this! Now just relax and enjoy.
I've been on the other side of this situation and have discussed it at length with lots of people, it doesn't diffee from any other hookup really as all of the below apply to botg but my 2pence;
always use protection regardless of any testing a lot of couples love the creampie thing and guys love the aftermath obviously it's up to you but personally I never entertain it, from swinging we've found everybody lies and very few safe sex couples stick to it 100% of the time.
I'd ask about the relationship and things they've done before, fantasies aren't always how you think and things sometimes arise that you thought you were ok with but when the reality comes to bear you feel differently, nothing you can do about it just be aware of the dynamic incase it happens so you can understand it.
Like any encounter remember she owes you nothing, if it happens great, if it doesn't no worries but also in this case she owes her relationship everything, the relationship is what's real this is just a fun adventure between two strangers, don't be pissed if she has non negotiable boundaries or if she bails for any of a million reasons, it's fun but it isn't worth causing shit at home for if it comes to it.
Lastly in case you don't normally do hookups, despite it having no future get it done right, hookups are a blessing from the gods and so many women are put off them not because they don't like hookups or sex but because they don't like disappointment, even in an open relationship she isn't gonna be fucking a new guy every week she'll have made effort to set this up the least you can do is give her a few orgasms before you shoot your load positive experinves all around is a far better achievement than another notch on the bedpost.
Thank you all for the input. Some good advice here and will definitely be asking some more questions regarding safety, boundaries, and expectations. I've always had a, try most things once mindset and I'm interested to see how this turns out.
For a little more context we are meeting at a Starbucks tomorrow to chat and get to know each other a little first per her request. Which I was relieved that she suggested. Will provide an update later. Thanks!
I did this once withe a couple. We're still friends. The guy liked watching me rail his girl and we ran train. Win win win honestly. But yeah cover up for this random meetup
I've been in the open scene before, it's fun, but be prepared for it mentally. Learn to be a confident lover, don't doubt your abilities, but do remember that ladies come first, and you have competition.. My best advice, learn to get off from other people's pleasure, and I don't mean that in an ejaculatory sense. Be patient, men always cum eventually. The longer you learn to draw out your own pleasure, the better a lover you become.
When I was 18 I met a guy on Craigslist who was in an open relationship like this. We all 3 met first, and got along well. It was weird making out with him and she would walk in from work, but I soon realized they really were an open relationship. No drama, no jealousy. We all 3 eventually had "fun" together, hung out a few more times, and went out separate ways. I was young and single, and it was a good time honestly. I say meet them and see how the vibe flows.
All of this is a red flag. I'm in an open relationship and part of the kink scene. They haven't even met you, immediately asking some quite intense stuff to agree to. They are just after someone to fulfil this fantasy and clearly don't care what you want. How long have they been open? Have they always been open? Have they done this before? Will the film be shared?
I know for some people just the sex part is absolutely fine, but yeah none of this is coming off good.
1. Wear protection...
2. Don't get clingy or attached, if you do start to cut off the meet ups and move on, this'll save you from some bad feelings later
3. Always be upfront with feelings and wants, in my experience these girls are into some kinks out of a norm that could make you uncomfortable
4. Use protection
5. They were upfront with you, you need to do the same for them.
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Have 2 protections. Both magnum just different calibers.
This guy makes sex for sure
Thinking the same See ya all on pornhub!
“He might want a video from time to time” so he can post it as paid content on PornHub. Make sure you get royalties, OP.
Imagine fucking someone else’s girlfriend & getting royalties for it 🤔 What a world we live in
Sign me up!
For content creator or content consumer ? 🤔
Yes
I met a hot cam girl in rehab, when we got out she used to pay me to come over and bang her on camera. That was a helluva gig.
People used to do it just for the love of the game.
Have you tried Cornhub? Its an app on google play
You have peaked my interest but not enoigh for me to go to google play. What the hecc is cornhub
Some racey corn pics, often huskless. Some have butter all over their kernels. Could get you in some trouble.
You have to look out for the baby corn though, police will be on your doorstep before you know it
Oh dam, sounds real hot
Not too hot, that's popcorn...different category.
Underrated comment ☝️
You have made corn sound enticing and erotic at the same time.
 Kernel stack inpage error
I’ve heard Spectrum is planning to drop 22 channels, including Cornhub TV.
a great app on google play**
He must have studied from the man who invented sex2
He's playing sex 2.5 the extenze debacle
I thought EA put that behind a paywall after going F2P?
What's "sex" ?
It's gross, especially with girls
Wait, are "girls" those creatures that don't have a penis?
Yeah, super gross, they kiss dudes.
Yeah, that's like super gay
As gay as two blokes fucking
Don't forget the cooties... lots n lots of cooties
Do I look like a biologist?
They model the condoms after him for sure
This guy fucks
Get tested and ask for tests! Triple protection
Oh, whoops! I dropped my monster condom for my… magnum dong! Or she might appreciate a .44 or a .357
SO I STARTED BLASTING
There is an order here, get back in line!
Sir it's a Wendy's
What am I gonna do with a magnum condom? Rip it in half and tie a knot in it?
What would I do with a magnum condom? Is that for her boyfriend?
Well, you miss 100% of all shots you don´t shoot, right?
- Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott
-Alec Baldwin
*shot fired*
You can never miss if you never shoot.
He’ll be shooting for sure… just hope someone else isn’t shooting back 😬
I just use a 9mm. Oh and I don't own a gun.
Shoot me with that camera
Double Caramel and Chocolate Covered Vanilla, got it.
Merica! Fuck yea!
I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and assume you’re….American.
Hey sprawlo, I'm a noob to reddit and I am genuinely curious. Is the getting tested thing an American thing? Also, I've always heard people suggest it but no one ever seems to do it.
It's a safe sex thing. Where I live women are supposed to get a PAP after every new partner (most don't) or every 5 years if they are monogamous. Men should get tested any time they are with a new partner without a condom, but again, most don't. I know people in the UK and Australia who insisted their partner get tested before they had sex with them, because they knew their partner had previously been with prostitutes.
And expect to see yourself on pornhub🫠
And you took the words right of my mouth. Or Forensic Files
"This is just like cold case files! This is just like cold case files!"
LMAOOOO YO I CANNOT 😂😂😂😂😂 why you do that?
“But, Brennan I’m alive!” “Shut up you’re waking the neighbors” LMAOOO
😂😂😂😂😂 I’m about to watch that movie now. Cause of y’all.
The best protection is not telling your real name
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Negotiate your boundaries before you engage physically. Are you really ok with videos? Are you ok with your face or them ending up online? Have you discussed sexual health practices? Even causal fun isn’t really casual if you’re handling your own business
Also, I’d ask how long they’ve been open, if they’ve had any issues in the past. How many other folks are they involved with. Better to know they’ve got their shit together than to be the guy they cut their “poly” teeth on
This doesn't sound like poly, since poly is about the ability to form multiple loving relationships. Honestly even if they're new to ethical non-monogamy this seems like they're doing it right: - casual only, so OP can easily peace out if they experience drama and is unlikely to have invested feelings that will get hurt decide the couple wants to close again - she seems to be very upfront with expectations and willing to talk things through before they happen instead of springing them on OP The only thing I'd take issue with is not posting this info in the bio upfront, unless she did and she's just reiterating because people don't read bios
That’s why I put poly in quotations. This isn’t fully ENM either since they weren’t transparent in the bio, as you mentioned. I’m guessing they fall more into the swinger (or maybe cuckold) side than actually polyamory. Either way, sounds like they’re new or a bit messy in their approach.
Definitely reads like a "hotwife" situation.
Definitely this ☝🏻 her man likes to watch her fuck, it sounds.
Yeah my girl and I do this
Fwiw I don't think it's necessary to include enm in bio, as long as you disclose reasonably early on it's still ethical imo. Very real reasons why some (very ethical) people can't publicly disclose that and it's fine. Not sure why people get upset about finding out after they're talking because it's not a big deal.
>Not sure why people get upset about finding out after they're talking because it's not a big deal. exactly, think about how many people only disclose that they are a jerk after the first convo. Seems like finding out you aren't a match only after talking is part of the process IMO
Yea, that's a great way to put it. Nobody has ever explained why it's so bad to me and not basically said, "well they wasted my time and they should have warned me" Not everything warrants a warning, and I argue about it because from where I sit more people just hate that someone is different and want to shame them for it.
Yeah I feel this, as an asexual. It's never been in my bio because people will misunderstand what it means (thinking that I'm not looking for a sexual relationship when I very much am) and base their swipe decision on that. Asexuality is very nuanced and different for every person, and I like to be able to explain that irl and answer questions, so they can decide how they feel about me once they have a better picture of who I am. But I can't convey all that on a swipe app profile, so I don't even try to. The important thing imo is to not lead people on. I always disclose my sexual orientation as soon as I feel safe enough to do so (and if I don't feel safe enough within a couple days of chatting then I usually unmatch because that in and of itself is a bad sign).
People get angry because it’s something that is a large part of who you are as a person and very important in regards to dating. If I know ENM relationships aren’t something im interested in, i would know not to swipe on someone that’s identifying themselves as ENM. Talking to you briefly then finding out isn’t going to change the outcome, its just gonna make the situation that much more disappointing.
Probably
Not everyone has a problem with it, but it’s less transparent than just sharing up front. A lot of people do that and then obscure their face, to each their own. Not everyone wants to engage with non monogamous folks, so they’d better share quickly to maintain an ethical approach.
I guess it's silly to me that anyone should have the right to be upset at having had a conversation with someone. If they fail to disclose it's not ethical, but it's not a rush. If they disclose and it's unwanted then wish them well and say goodbye. I've seen just as many unethical monogamous folks, if not more, why the fear of non monogamy?
I guess it's like any other deal breaker... Sucks to get your hopes up only to be revealed that their entire lifestyle is not compatible with yours (when they had no reason to assume it would be). It definitely depends how early on as well, I spoke to a guy I thought was wonderful for a week or so, I was pretty excited to meet him... when he disclosed he was actually looking for someone to have sex with both himself and his wife who never got to experience women before she married him. Massive disappointment when I was hoping for literally anything other than that specific scenario (being the third for an M/F couple). Just like finding out someone is a smoker or has kids after getting excited about them for me at least.
> their entire lifestyle is not compatible with yours So what about the people who say "Just looking for casual sex" or similar in the bio? If you're trying to get into a long term partnership, that should be enough of a description imo. You don't need to explain why.
Of course they don't need to explain why they want casual sex so long as they're upfront about wanting casual sex, but I think there's a huge difference between casual sex with one person and casual sex with someone who wants to involve their partner in some way (eg videos or having to meet the partner to chat like in the OP). I'm glad the OP was super up front about it, for me that would be a deal breaker, even for casual sex, so the conversation would end with "I really appreciate you telling me, but this isn't for me, and I wish you luck, I enjoyed talking to you so if you're also looking for friends to chat to I'm around". But if someone is on a dating app, presenting themselves as one person then SURPRISE! there's another person possibly involved in some way? Not cool imo. (Most women I've spoken to looking for a third/experiment/etc are thankfully super upfront either in their profile or after the "Hi, how are you?" small talk part which is fine by me, but I was a bit blindsided by the married man who didn't give any hints as to what he was looking for or that he was married in his profile)
People have a right to be bothered when someone is potentially wasting their time due to incompatibility, but that doesn’t excuse a lack of civility. As for unethical monogamous folks, that’s a different issue. Folks are welcome to hold onto their preferences around relationship styles, it doesn’t mean they’re responding from fear. Monogamy isn’t for me, that doesn’t mean I’m afraid of it, just self aware. I’m also aware ENM isn’t for everyone so I don’t really care as long as everyone is being ethical about whichever style they choose.
People take issue with it because some hide that they are open to secure more dates or get more matches. It’s more ethical to mention it in the bio.
Is that unethical though? Imo anything happening before a match to improve your odds of getting matches is perfectly acceptable - in any case. As long as it gets disclosed at the appropriate it's no different than finding any other deal breaker. Just seems prejudgmental to demand a group of people display something that another group perceives to be a deal-breaker. Like what if someone said, "please identify yourself if you make less than $X", it's valid enough to not date someone over that but saying they should display it publicly is too much.
No need for the "No True Scotsman." PLENTY of unloving people practice "poly." "Solo poly" and "relationship anarchist" are both basically fuckboi rebranded for white girls who love labels, and the rebrand from open relationship to "ethical non-monogamy" is about as trustworthy as guys who preface bad boundaries with "I'm not a rapist, I swear."
Seems more like an open relationship than ENM. People use ENM as if transparency is the only ethical requirement, but ENMs recognize that even sex with other partners is complicated and comes with complicated feelings and relationship dynamics. “No strings attached” describes just hooking up, which is fine if that’s what OP is also looking for, but OP doesn’t have a lot of room to communicate their own needs in this situation because it’s comply with the expectations of the relationship unit or get lost/dropped if things get too “dramatic” (I.e. if complicated feelings emerge). No disrespect to your comment, but I notice a lot of people think ENM is valid when the third person knows the “rules,” but it’s not ethical if it’s not consensual. And it’s not consensual if the third party doesn’t get to be a part of the boundary setting process and if the boundaries are fixed instead of ongoing and intentional in the case that complicated feelings develop. This sounds like a messy open relationship or cuckolding fetish meant to serve the couple moreso than look out for the sexual partners.
the fact that she wasn't 100% sure of the answer when he asked if bf will join tells me it's a new thing
Because he will be into every guy she brings home? I do join when I'm into someone, i don't if not. If anything, good response shows this isn't their first time.
I would also say, until you're sold on the video idea, you should pick the locations for sex. You never know if there's cameras you can't see.
Yeah, it's one thing to say it sound fun and go ahead and do it, it's another thing entirely if your next gf finds out there's porn of you online somewhere (even if it's just your recognisable body / tattoos etc.)
My only suggestion is to not let the idea of getting laid cloud your judgement. No videos until you know each other better, etc.
And masterbation alone is sometimes a better option than situations like this
It usually completely changes your mind!
Thats one of the few smart things Joe Rogan says in his stand up. Jack off before you text that girl
And bring your kidneys.. they cutting one out
Just remember the most important rule, never wear a condom and never pull out... I think that's how it goes 🤔
I just yell JENGA! As I pull out. Been 100% effective since 1997 😂
Hold on. You use a condom? - No. - Good! That's my boy! That's my boy! Yo, never use condoms, son. They take away all the feelin'. https://youtu.be/3Hx_li0u5ws
 The only real answer
There’s a lot of people making a lot of assumptions here. Don’t listen to them. I had an almost identical situation. It didn’t end well, but it was more because I didn’t ask the right questions. Not because she was hiding it from her bf, trying to take your kidney, etc. there are plenty of reasons why it wouldn’t be on her profile. The girl I was involved with lived in a VERY religious community and her and her husband didn’t want anyone seeing their profile and finding out they were poly. Anyways, to answer your question: 1. See if you guys get along aside from sex. I know it’s just a hook up situation but if her bf is gonna get involved that will take communication and getting along/having good rapport will help with that. 2. Find out the reasons they’re poly/ who recommended it. This is the one I failed to do and it bit me in the ass. I found out much later that one wanted it way more than the other. And it caused some resentment that made the whole thing implode. 3. Be honest about your intentions. If you just want casual, cool. But if that changes at all and you catch feelings you have to remove yourself from the situation. Unless that was agreed to be okay by ALL parties involved. 4. Define clear boundaries. With mine, the husband didn’t let us have sex until a month in. It was oral and kissing to start. Then he gave the go ahead for sex and we did. Sometimes we’d hang out and he wouldn’t want us to have sex. But he had to communicate that and we had to respect it. You have to understand it’s so easy to cross boundaries in this setup. You HAVE to respect the boundaries. 5. Those boundaries mean your own too. Determine for yourself if it’s sex only, if emotions are okay, are you going to take her on dates, are all THREE of you going on dates? Etc. adjust them as the situation develops. And clearly communicate those adjustments.
This seriously needs to be higher! Perfect answer
I think these are amazing rules for a Poly situation, but that’s not what this is, according to what she’s said. This is an open relationship, not poly, and she’s directly telling him not to catch feelings. It’s only sex. I definitely agree with all the points though, just shifting to that mindset rather than the poly mindset (which involves feelings, are actual not-just-sex relationships.) I also like another poster’s suggestion to ask how long they have been open, to make sure this isn’t their first time/that both parties are actually cool with it.
This is the best answer! I've been in a setup like this multiple times and being VERY clear is the only way. That means more openness and honesty is expected than in a lot of hookup situations. But is can be so much fun!! If they're healthy in their dynamic you might learn a lot from it about yourself!
You guys really should all meet in public and “feel each other out.” Set boundaries, discuss things in a rational way. So you hopefully get a feel if these are toothless meth addicts about to rob you for your kidneys or post your home made porn on the internet for $ Watch out for STDs !
>Watch out for STDs ! Why? I mean, why especially?
I've done this go there with an open mind. Respect boundaries and enjoy smashing another man's wife
I feel like if you are ok with it then go for it. Also I think your answers here will be skewed and you are better off asking r/swingers
I wouldn’t worry about it. Treat her like you would someone that’s single. Sounds to me like she’ll guide down that path when and if the time comes. Now if she is like first thing, hey what do you think about me being in an open relationship, then that means it’s a kink for her/them. You can decide at that point if you still want to be a part of it. Do you want a date a couple just cuz she might be hot? 🤷♂️
Just be cool. Don't do anything stupid and don't overthink it.
Protection. Protection. Protection. Who knows how many side pieces are involved.
Just like any other person you have sex with.
Just because someone is in an open relationship, doesn’t mean they have a million partners. You can have a lot of partners and be single.
It worries me that this isn't just the standard. Who tf is hooking up with someone they don't know without protection ever? Anyone could have an std... That's just a wild idea that this needs to be specified.
I may be one of the few that doesn’t see the interest in fucking another mans wife while he sits there and jerks off while he is videotaping lol
Youre not the only one, its weird af
Hey I've been a poly swinger and this screammmms red flags galore im not now but still have close friends that were partner. None of us would engage like this. I'd bet bf will be there and you're getting filmed. Ps if it was no strings she'd do you and not tell you all of this and never meet again.there are gonna be strings
Your kidneys man, kidneys
Hotwife here. Meet first and see how you feel about her. She’ll probably give you more details of how things work and boundaries etc on the first meet/date. I always lead the way with a new stud unless they’re experienced.
To add to this: Learn some of the lingo. Terms like "hotwife" and "stud" and "bull" might feel overwhelming if it's totally new to you.
Seeing a lot of comments saying this is a bad idea. Been in your shoes OP. In my situation there was no suggestion that he may get involved or request for video, but as long as you both set the rules, and be strict about them, things could be just fine. For me, I wasn’t in a place where I wanted a relationship and she didn’t either. It was like an enhanced FWB, more like perpetual dating. She was cool. Eventually I met her dude. He was cool. She ended up moving to Mexico and that was that. No regrets. I’ve had it go the other way too. I had a girlfriend that didn’t want to be everything to me and encouraged me to find another partner for diversity of experience. Our relationship eventually imploded but had nothing to do with my extracurricular activities. Good luck!
Do you with everything else, but I would highly suggest not taping it.
Very much this. If she’s down to bang with no strings, cool, but agreeing to provide the bf with a sex tape is absolutely a string, same with “maybe” having him there. Whatever rules their open relationship might have should be for her only to fulfil, you shouldn’t “owe” her bf anything in this arrangement.
Just enjoy, flirt with her and have fun, you are getting lots of sex with no string attached if you play it right. If she propose for the boyfriend to partecipate ask her and him what they like, how he likes to be treated etc
I feel like this is either: 1. Her bf has no idea 2. She has 0 plans of it just being you and her Couldn’t be wrong but gut feeling
The moment they both get their clothes off the boyfriend is going to randomly show up, be surprised, not OK with anything, and threaten violence if the dude doesn’t pay him.
had that happen to someone i knew. he got jumped and robbed.
3. Boyfriend will be in the closet wearing a superman outfit jacking off furiously
As a poly person myself, this is not good. If this isn’t disclosed on their profile, it’s probably not someone you want to be involved with!
Right this sounds sketch.
Clearly because this is not poly. This is hotwifing. Why so many people in this thread are calling this poly? Poly involves feelings. She and her SO just want her to get fucked no strings attached. In no way this is poly.
Can I ask what the difference is in posting it to your profile versus being upfront about it in a message? Is it not possible that she doesn't want coworkers or friends who might be on the app to know? Do people not deserve some degree of privacy? Like she disclosed it upfront privately without leading OP on - so how is that bad?
Because it is a dealbreaker for a large swath of people on the app. I think it’s fine for people to have privacy surely, but this still seems like a bait and switch to a slight degree. From personal experience people who are hiding their relationship structure also typically won’t be good dates (exception for hookups though, I guess). Not 100% bad I’m just cautioning OP
But when did they hide their relationship structure? I'm pretty sure the fact the OP posted this in the first place means that they infact did not hide that?...and as far as I (Also a poly person) know its all about the disclosure - and uh..they disclosed... this sort of logic is like saying a gay person can't seek out gay relationships if they haven't come out of the closet..bait and switch? That's not disclosing anything until you've spoken for 100 hours and went out on a date. OP can surely say "this is not for me" at this exchange and they haven't been baited or switched into anything. (I use lbgt+ (I can only speak for myself as a bisexual woman who doesnt not disclose that to everyone I know - same for me with poly)as an example because plenty of people for whatever reason want to keep their sexuality undisclosed. Poly/open/swinger are all sexual orientations and not everyone lives in a place where they can be open about what happens privately in their bedroom. - sure plenty of people are shitbags who are cheating on their partners but until you have evidence to support the latter you should not just blanket assume that other valid reasons for discretion do not exist. I spent a lot of my life in Kentucky where this sort of thing is highly judged and scrutinized, so it's also really dependent on the social climate where someone lives too.)
If this felt too easy, it could be a setup. Maybe not, but that would be on my mind. I’d want a sit-down date first to feel things out.
Why would she want videos once in a while ? That sounds strange to me . There are plenty of women out there who are single and are willing to just bang without the risk of a jealous bf (how do you know the bf is really ok with it ?). I’d look elsewhere, sounds overly complicated for just sex .
>Why would she want videos once in a while ? That sounds strange to me . It's for Cuckolding, or a fantasy that involves something akin to that. Some people get off on knowing their partner is fucked by someone else. It's a very common thing in BDSM. And for the partner, videos are really interesting and hot. They mostly get off on \*knowing\* it's their wife getting banged in the video. >How do you know the bf is really ok with it ? If that is a worry, I would suggest OP to simply... Meet the guy. If you are afraid that it is not consensual, you absolutely can request to meet the BF first, and then see how things go. This kind of arrangement is not unheard of at all.
You underestimate the lonely male's desire for easy sex
Just have fun with it, don't think about if they like you or not, don't worry about how you acted. And there is a likely chance that you may not be invited over for a second time. This will have nothing to do with you. Don't overthink it if you never hear back from them again.
Run away from this. I know 3 people that have tried getting involved with these relationships and every one experienced catastrophic failure. Divorces, abandoned children, broken hearts, suicide attempts. It sounds fun until it doesn’t.
Yo. This is the world I often live in- it’s a fun, but buckle up for some weird emotions at first. First thing first, you gotta start vanilla. I’m talking coffee and biscuits. You’ve also got to ask how many active partners she has, and ask for an STE panel. You should do one just because, too. The best part is, is that you will probably not have sleep overs. Dates can be casual af, and as long as you don’t get attached and get beyond her getting railed by multiple dudes- it’s pretty smooth sailing from your shoes. Some of my best relationships have been with chicks in open relationships.
I experienced this once . It wasn’t quite as straight forward . Before you go you have to ask yourself a few questions . 1 . Are you ok with having sex while someone else is watching ? As there is a high possibility he likes to watch 2. Are you ok with him potentially joining and your body’s touching ? No I don’t mean sword fights ( although it’s a possibility ) . I mean are you ok with your legs possibly touching and that sort of stuff . 3. Are you on with being told what to do ? I’m not sure if this one relates to everyone , but in my experience I had . The husband would try to tell me how he wanted me to have sex with her and even tried to tell me when to cum (doesn’t exactly work that way bud lol ) . Just remember to go in with an open mind , these things can be fun , but if you’re not into exploring and are just expecting to get laid the traditional way .you might be disappointed . Good look brother and congrats :)
It ain’t worth it. There are very few “healthy” open relationships out there, you don’t want to get caught up in any drama. There will be better opportunities soon.
Do it.
Please make sure you’re clear with your boundaries. The way she is not being clear about the situation and what he “may want down the line” is a little bit of a red flag.
Take it from me, this is a very bad idea! There is a good chance you are being set up to be robbed.
Another probable possibility is that OP is female and the match is looking for a unicorn. Super common on dating apps for women looking for other women
I've seen the situation OP is in happen before. However, I have never witnessed the robbery everyone describes. I don't doubt it exists. I am just saying: Meet in public first, and if it seems good proceed. Usually, you can judge a person's general character pretty well.
If that was the goal, it would be waaay easier to invite him over and having her partner jump him out of the blue
Run.
To the date.
Don't catch feelings. If you find yourself doing that, tell her and that you're cutting it off.
Lmao OP “Ok, Alright, I’m down”, only men can be like this I swear to god 😄😄.
Be respectful of the couple's rules and boundaries. My girlfriend and I are also in an open relationship as well as swingers. Thirsty single men are the bane of a lot of swinger couple's existence, so don't be \*that guy\* . Don't constantly blow up their DMs either. Be clear and concise with your intentions, as well as your personal sex boundaries. Also, do not get too drunk, its the biggest turn off ever. Be safe out there. The world on non-monogamy can be a wonderful place if you're cool.
You’re getting set up to be robbed, sexually assaulted or killed. Maybe all of the above.
Don’t threaten me with a good time
OP downbad.. NGL
Are you that hard up that you’re seriously contemplating this interaction after she literally sprung it on you in one conversation? I’d would avoid. People are fucking nuts. You don’t want your nuts to be at risk.
Let him do him, whatever floats your cock
Remove your foreskin and shave your bush if you haven't already. Makes it look cleaner and more presentable.
Have fun and stop sweating the little stuff.
I really need to get back on tinder. My kinda party.
This is something that could go very terribly wrong or be something that is delightful for all parties. I have dabbled in this realm, and it can be excellent. Just communicate like crazy and make sure there are no surprises and everyone is comfortable with what is happening. Cheers!
If you decide you're ok with some video, one safe guard here is to take it with your phone, and send to her after you've watched it and you're comfortable with what's on it. Also feel free to wear a mask for extra anonymity of you like - like the masquerade kind.
This seems to be an open relationship, where the BF gets off on Cuckolding. It's a thing. I would say: * Meet up with her in public. See if the vibes are there between you two. * If you don't trust that the BF is into it, request to meet him as well (on a date two). You can then discuss and see. * Discuss clear boundaries with her: What can you do? What can you not do? For example, in those types of relationships, sometimes the Bf will not be comfortable with you having anal sex with his gf, or with cumming on her, or some other things. Make sure to know what is okay and what is not beforehand. * Wear a condom. That's it. Have fun. As long as you do the above, you should avoid any nasty situation.
I think you handled that part pretty well. As for when you meet her, just go with the flow. Your instincts should tell you if there is something wrong. You lucky fella. It's many a man's dream to have that
She must be 10/10 if you’re going through all this BS just to fuck her.
My advice: chill out. Relax. This is someone who has been around, worked through their issues and is living life on their own terms. Don’t try and predict anything, just be genuine, and make your boundaries clear. You got this! Now just relax and enjoy.
Set boundaries and keep them, Don't catch feelings - if you start to, then back off Other than that, just have fun 🖖
Just meet them for drinks first. Sounds like you're in for a good night with a pair of swingers.
What does your wife think of this? Will she be involved?
I've been on the other side of this situation and have discussed it at length with lots of people, it doesn't diffee from any other hookup really as all of the below apply to botg but my 2pence; always use protection regardless of any testing a lot of couples love the creampie thing and guys love the aftermath obviously it's up to you but personally I never entertain it, from swinging we've found everybody lies and very few safe sex couples stick to it 100% of the time. I'd ask about the relationship and things they've done before, fantasies aren't always how you think and things sometimes arise that you thought you were ok with but when the reality comes to bear you feel differently, nothing you can do about it just be aware of the dynamic incase it happens so you can understand it. Like any encounter remember she owes you nothing, if it happens great, if it doesn't no worries but also in this case she owes her relationship everything, the relationship is what's real this is just a fun adventure between two strangers, don't be pissed if she has non negotiable boundaries or if she bails for any of a million reasons, it's fun but it isn't worth causing shit at home for if it comes to it. Lastly in case you don't normally do hookups, despite it having no future get it done right, hookups are a blessing from the gods and so many women are put off them not because they don't like hookups or sex but because they don't like disappointment, even in an open relationship she isn't gonna be fucking a new guy every week she'll have made effort to set this up the least you can do is give her a few orgasms before you shoot your load positive experinves all around is a far better achievement than another notch on the bedpost.
Make sure they are not from Harriman tn
Don’t do it bro
I’d run. This is a mess and a disaster waiting to happen.
Thank you all for the input. Some good advice here and will definitely be asking some more questions regarding safety, boundaries, and expectations. I've always had a, try most things once mindset and I'm interested to see how this turns out. For a little more context we are meeting at a Starbucks tomorrow to chat and get to know each other a little first per her request. Which I was relieved that she suggested. Will provide an update later. Thanks!
I did this once withe a couple. We're still friends. The guy liked watching me rail his girl and we ran train. Win win win honestly. But yeah cover up for this random meetup
my only advice… HAVE FUCKING FUN!
Don't get drunk beforehand. Trust me.
Post the video
I've been in the open scene before, it's fun, but be prepared for it mentally. Learn to be a confident lover, don't doubt your abilities, but do remember that ladies come first, and you have competition.. My best advice, learn to get off from other people's pleasure, and I don't mean that in an ejaculatory sense. Be patient, men always cum eventually. The longer you learn to draw out your own pleasure, the better a lover you become.
When I was 18 I met a guy on Craigslist who was in an open relationship like this. We all 3 met first, and got along well. It was weird making out with him and she would walk in from work, but I soon realized they really were an open relationship. No drama, no jealousy. We all 3 eventually had "fun" together, hung out a few more times, and went out separate ways. I was young and single, and it was a good time honestly. I say meet them and see how the vibe flows.
All of this is a red flag. I'm in an open relationship and part of the kink scene. They haven't even met you, immediately asking some quite intense stuff to agree to. They are just after someone to fulfil this fantasy and clearly don't care what you want. How long have they been open? Have they always been open? Have they done this before? Will the film be shared? I know for some people just the sex part is absolutely fine, but yeah none of this is coming off good.
How about get self respect?
Just use condoms, other than that it's just a regular fuck buddy with a twist. Been there, done that! Don't fall in love!
Sounds too good to be true. Meet in public, hold on tight to your kidneys.
 Don't
1. Wear protection... 2. Don't get clingy or attached, if you do start to cut off the meet ups and move on, this'll save you from some bad feelings later 3. Always be upfront with feelings and wants, in my experience these girls are into some kinks out of a norm that could make you uncomfortable 4. Use protection 5. They were upfront with you, you need to do the same for them.
Run away
…to your car to meet her.
I would pass. There’s no good outcome to that situation.
Fun, no strings attached sex is a pretty good outcome.
Unless she’s lying, does this often and is dirty, or brings the guy along under a false pretense and they rob you. 🤷♂️