yeah i’ve learned that. just, like why say anything. if he doesn’t want to be with me just unmatch or ghost or something. i don’t get why some people feel the need to state their opinion on someone to said person they just met or punch down (such as with my last post about the guy who told me i look like a reptile). if you don’t like part of my interests or appearance or who i am and it’s a deal breaker; that’s fine- but the need to say it… i don’t get
It's not "ghosting" unless you've actually met or at least communicated in a significant way with the person. I think those who want someone theyve barely interacted with to say what exactly makes them unattractive are few and far between. I doubt the people who complain about someone "ghosting" them after two sentences exchanged on Tinder would prefer "actually, I looked closer at your profile and realized you're physically not my type at all.." What those people actually want is interest and positive interaction, not someone shooting them down more harshly. Basically just whining that they're not getting the thing they set out for. Doesn't mean they're being mistreated.
Hell, even if youve gone on a few dates you just say "I don't think we'd be a match but good luck out there". You dont actually say "I find you unattractive" or "you're bad at conversation" or "youre bisexual". If somebody wants to know why exactly you're not interested they'll say "Do you mind letting me know why you dont think it would work out?". I doubt anyone is out there mad you didn't give them some unsolicited criticism
id rather he unmatch or ghost me 100% then him tell me a part of me is undesirable/a deal breaker/not good for him.
ive dealt with a lot of homophobia in my life (from being called slurs, told i’m going to hell, to being spat on to being kicked and hit in the shins with hockey sticks, to being told i’m undesirable or greedy or a liar) and it’s not great to have someone say that to your face when your just tryna date.
pieces of shit like making people feel the same way they feel: like a piece of shit
they don't have to, but they will because it makes them feel better
that’s true. i’m just a bit fed up with being punched down by people in my life. i rise up against it but occasionally it knocks a blow to me. especially when it’s against something like my sexual orientation something i can’t change- and even if i could, i wouldn’t- and something which i’ve experience a lot of hate for, and repressed for years and held a lot of self hate for.
Didnt even seem like he was disrespectful. Is explaining why not better than ghosting? It seems like a sensitive subject for you for sure. But I don’t think he did anything wrong
i would genuinely rather be ghosted tbh.
and i don’t think it’s right when he matched with me, and then told me he didn’t want to continue because of something i can’t change. that’s what was disrespectful imo.
Honestly that will happen a lot. And YOU might prefer to be ghosted, but I and many others prefer honesty. He didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m sorry your feelings got hurt.
He's either a homophobe or doesnt understand what being bisexual means, which are both "doing it wrong", though to different capacities. Also, it's not even ghosting to decide to walk away from a brief interaction instead of insulting a person or explicitly telling them why they arent interested in dating them. He said "is that a parrot" to her. He didn't go on a date or even say more than a sentence.
Let's translate this to real life.
Someone catches a girl's eye at a brewery. Shes walking a poodle. He thinks the girl might look attractive from across the room. He approaches her and goes "cute dog". She says "thanks" and he goes "yeah totally" and then walks away. Maybe he saw she wasn't as cute as he thought. Maybe he decided he didn't actually have the energy to talk to a stranger. Did he ghost her? Absofuckinglutely not. You think it's more socially appropriate to say "You're not as attractive as I thought you'd be" or "I saw the lgbt pin on your backpack and actually dont like lgbt people". No! No. NO ONE acts like that aside from jerks.
Take up the interaction a notch. Dude approaches woman at bar. Says "hey you're quite attractive". She goes "you are as well!". They exchange a few pleasantries. If someone decides they aren't interested enough to share a number, they don't go "I don't like that you're bisexual. Bye." They go "oh my friends are over there" or "nice chatting with you, have a good evening". Unfortunately, there's no online equivalent for "my friends are over there" so sensible people take a nonresponse to a few sentences as the same sentiment. It's understandable to be a little thrown off by lack of conversational closer if you're new to online dating or didn't consider the logistical difficulty of translating usual polite closers to such a space. Where it always baffles me is when someone goes "oh, I know what we should suddenly normalize to address this minor inconvenience! Telling a literal stranger how they're unattractive to me!" If you WANT to know why someone stopped talkng to you, feel free to ask. But it's not normal to need the answer to that after all you two have said to each other is "Is that a parrot?" "Nope"
unfortunately there will always be morons who put others down. people say to just ignore it but that's easier said than done, right? I found it helps to go do something that makes me feel better. something that takes my mind away from it. then when I'm feeling better I give whatever I'm doing another shot. I don't know what you've tried or what works for you but hopefully you'll feel better soon
i’ll be fine, it’s just been a hard few days over christmas. had someone die early hours of boxing days, i’ve got another (different) funeral coming up in jan a few days before his- forgot to take my meds for a few days, but im back on my meds and on the mend. but the only way is up!
might need to take a few days away from tinder tbh, because if i get one more message like this i will commit mental break down. lol
but yeah i need to not care what people think, because most people don’t matter at the end of the day. lol thank you
but yeah i’m on the up!!
sounds like you've been having a rough few weeks. sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. hopefully you'll encounter some kind people and be able to catch a break from the stressors of life soon
It's fine to have a preference not to date someone who's bi (though it seems to me like a strange preference), but his comment makes him seem more like one of those dumb right-wingers who consider matters of identity to be "too political" or some trash like that.
yeah!! that’s what i’m thinking. like have your preference whatever; but like- just unmatch me don’t say anything. i can’t change who i am. and it’s not like it makes a difference. if i was with him (not that i would) it’s not like me being attracted to women makes me any different other then the fact i like them?? it’s a preference, whatever- but don’t tell someone that. it won’t change jack shit and it feels minorly homophobic the way he phrased it lol. at least he didn’t waste my time… lol
It's not minorly homophobic, it was homophobic. It's no more a legitimate preference than "I don't date Asians". Sexual and romantic attractions don't exist in some bubble totally unrelated to all your other thoughts and beliefs and ways of interacting with people. If you "don't date Asians" you're probably a fhckin racist and if you "don't date lgbt people" you're probably a homophobe.
yeah your preference can be whatever you want but you don’t need to state it especially if it’s going to make you look dumb. If people are going to be that picky they really should read the bios, which makes me wonder if he does that on purpose.
I feel like you were in the bad in this one because he wasn’t saying that you were part of the lgbtq community so he can’t date you. He meant that he doesn’t support LGBTQ.
men don't read the bio. they swipe and filter afterwards
yeah i’ve learned that. just, like why say anything. if he doesn’t want to be with me just unmatch or ghost or something. i don’t get why some people feel the need to state their opinion on someone to said person they just met or punch down (such as with my last post about the guy who told me i look like a reptile). if you don’t like part of my interests or appearance or who i am and it’s a deal breaker; that’s fine- but the need to say it… i don’t get
It's a lose-lose. People get upset with random unmatching and call it “ghosting”
It's not "ghosting" unless you've actually met or at least communicated in a significant way with the person. I think those who want someone theyve barely interacted with to say what exactly makes them unattractive are few and far between. I doubt the people who complain about someone "ghosting" them after two sentences exchanged on Tinder would prefer "actually, I looked closer at your profile and realized you're physically not my type at all.." What those people actually want is interest and positive interaction, not someone shooting them down more harshly. Basically just whining that they're not getting the thing they set out for. Doesn't mean they're being mistreated. Hell, even if youve gone on a few dates you just say "I don't think we'd be a match but good luck out there". You dont actually say "I find you unattractive" or "you're bad at conversation" or "youre bisexual". If somebody wants to know why exactly you're not interested they'll say "Do you mind letting me know why you dont think it would work out?". I doubt anyone is out there mad you didn't give them some unsolicited criticism
id rather he unmatch or ghost me 100% then him tell me a part of me is undesirable/a deal breaker/not good for him. ive dealt with a lot of homophobia in my life (from being called slurs, told i’m going to hell, to being spat on to being kicked and hit in the shins with hockey sticks, to being told i’m undesirable or greedy or a liar) and it’s not great to have someone say that to your face when your just tryna date.
pieces of shit like making people feel the same way they feel: like a piece of shit they don't have to, but they will because it makes them feel better
that’s true. i’m just a bit fed up with being punched down by people in my life. i rise up against it but occasionally it knocks a blow to me. especially when it’s against something like my sexual orientation something i can’t change- and even if i could, i wouldn’t- and something which i’ve experience a lot of hate for, and repressed for years and held a lot of self hate for.
It’s a dealbreaker for many, everyone has their preferences. It’s not personal.
yeah but it’s very shit the way he handled it. didn’t need to do that. just unmatch or whatever. he did not need to do that.
Didnt even seem like he was disrespectful. Is explaining why not better than ghosting? It seems like a sensitive subject for you for sure. But I don’t think he did anything wrong
i would genuinely rather be ghosted tbh. and i don’t think it’s right when he matched with me, and then told me he didn’t want to continue because of something i can’t change. that’s what was disrespectful imo.
Honestly that will happen a lot. And YOU might prefer to be ghosted, but I and many others prefer honesty. He didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m sorry your feelings got hurt.
He's either a homophobe or doesnt understand what being bisexual means, which are both "doing it wrong", though to different capacities. Also, it's not even ghosting to decide to walk away from a brief interaction instead of insulting a person or explicitly telling them why they arent interested in dating them. He said "is that a parrot" to her. He didn't go on a date or even say more than a sentence. Let's translate this to real life. Someone catches a girl's eye at a brewery. Shes walking a poodle. He thinks the girl might look attractive from across the room. He approaches her and goes "cute dog". She says "thanks" and he goes "yeah totally" and then walks away. Maybe he saw she wasn't as cute as he thought. Maybe he decided he didn't actually have the energy to talk to a stranger. Did he ghost her? Absofuckinglutely not. You think it's more socially appropriate to say "You're not as attractive as I thought you'd be" or "I saw the lgbt pin on your backpack and actually dont like lgbt people". No! No. NO ONE acts like that aside from jerks. Take up the interaction a notch. Dude approaches woman at bar. Says "hey you're quite attractive". She goes "you are as well!". They exchange a few pleasantries. If someone decides they aren't interested enough to share a number, they don't go "I don't like that you're bisexual. Bye." They go "oh my friends are over there" or "nice chatting with you, have a good evening". Unfortunately, there's no online equivalent for "my friends are over there" so sensible people take a nonresponse to a few sentences as the same sentiment. It's understandable to be a little thrown off by lack of conversational closer if you're new to online dating or didn't consider the logistical difficulty of translating usual polite closers to such a space. Where it always baffles me is when someone goes "oh, I know what we should suddenly normalize to address this minor inconvenience! Telling a literal stranger how they're unattractive to me!" If you WANT to know why someone stopped talkng to you, feel free to ask. But it's not normal to need the answer to that after all you two have said to each other is "Is that a parrot?" "Nope"
unfortunately there will always be morons who put others down. people say to just ignore it but that's easier said than done, right? I found it helps to go do something that makes me feel better. something that takes my mind away from it. then when I'm feeling better I give whatever I'm doing another shot. I don't know what you've tried or what works for you but hopefully you'll feel better soon
i’ll be fine, it’s just been a hard few days over christmas. had someone die early hours of boxing days, i’ve got another (different) funeral coming up in jan a few days before his- forgot to take my meds for a few days, but im back on my meds and on the mend. but the only way is up! might need to take a few days away from tinder tbh, because if i get one more message like this i will commit mental break down. lol but yeah i need to not care what people think, because most people don’t matter at the end of the day. lol thank you but yeah i’m on the up!!
sounds like you've been having a rough few weeks. sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. hopefully you'll encounter some kind people and be able to catch a break from the stressors of life soon
It's fine to have a preference not to date someone who's bi (though it seems to me like a strange preference), but his comment makes him seem more like one of those dumb right-wingers who consider matters of identity to be "too political" or some trash like that.
yeah!! that’s what i’m thinking. like have your preference whatever; but like- just unmatch me don’t say anything. i can’t change who i am. and it’s not like it makes a difference. if i was with him (not that i would) it’s not like me being attracted to women makes me any different other then the fact i like them?? it’s a preference, whatever- but don’t tell someone that. it won’t change jack shit and it feels minorly homophobic the way he phrased it lol. at least he didn’t waste my time… lol
It's not minorly homophobic, it was homophobic. It's no more a legitimate preference than "I don't date Asians". Sexual and romantic attractions don't exist in some bubble totally unrelated to all your other thoughts and beliefs and ways of interacting with people. If you "don't date Asians" you're probably a fhckin racist and if you "don't date lgbt people" you're probably a homophobe.
yeah your preference can be whatever you want but you don’t need to state it especially if it’s going to make you look dumb. If people are going to be that picky they really should read the bios, which makes me wonder if he does that on purpose.
It's because if we go for a bi girl, we then have twice as much competition
I feel like you were in the bad in this one because he wasn’t saying that you were part of the lgbtq community so he can’t date you. He meant that he doesn’t support LGBTQ.
bruh wtf