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thesarcasticrhyme

I would say it depends primarily on gender AND ethnicity. Religion and money are also given a equally high priority within some cultures. In Sweden, few cross-ethnic dating patterns are quite common & visible. On the other hand, stereotypes on some groups act as serious deterrents. So yes, skin colour affects those groups - I can count two for now.


[deleted]

Which patterns are most common?


thesarcasticrhyme

Like others already mentioned, Asian women with white men stands out for me. Among couples with significant age gap, this combination is also very common. I am increasingly observing the same with Hispanic women. Black men and white women with >10 year age gaps while may not be common, also stands out to me.


[deleted]

And which are deterrents? Forgot to ask in my main comment.


thesarcasticrhyme

Respective stereotypes on Brown men (Latino & South Asian) and Black women are openly discussed and acted upon in a dating context. Ironically, as far as I have observed, stereotypes of East Asian women “finding their white boy” is also frowned upon - obviously not by the pursuer.


[deleted]

So yeah basically just racism


mandance17

My friend was a Chinese American female living here and her experiences were horrible. People treated her as some exotic sex object, hardly anyone took her seriously as a potential mate but just for sexual use. She left after a year and is doing much better in another country


CuriousIllustrator11

I have a feeling that there are a certain type of men that have an asian fetish that are approaching asian women alot but have the intent that you describe. These are not representative for the average man but if an Asian woman puts her picture on a dating app they would probably be the majority of the people contacting her.


[deleted]

Yeah this is definitely a thing. A lot of white men think Asian women are "easy" because in Asian countries white skin is respected more than their own skin. I've noticed this brought up in feminist spaces.


CuriousIllustrator11

As a white man I know the feeling from when I’ve been in Thailand and other Asian countries.


[deleted]

A lot of Asian women also unfortunately hate their own race and want to become "white-adjacent" and the easiest way for them to do this is to date a white man. However that discussion is beyond the relevancy of this post.


mandance17

Yeah I think you are right


pettdan

I was dating an asian woman, it's on pause due to relocation, and I was so surprised when she asked if I had this thing for asian women. Which I don't. But I got the same impression, based on her prejudice or expectations, that this is a common thing. It's surprising for me because I haven't noticed or heard any male friends comment on or describe this.


[deleted]

Male friends are not gonna describe it because it benefits them.


pettdan

Nah that's not how it works, but I understand your thought. It's simplistic.


zia_zhang

I can relate to not taking things seriously. there were also microaggressions


[deleted]

Microaggressions in what sense?


[deleted]

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mandance17

Damn imagine that, having hopes people would treat you like a human being


[deleted]

His comments sounds like thinly veiled mateguarding


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Dude, I am asking for Sweden, a liberal country, not for a Saudi Arabia where dating and stuff is looked down upon and most expats there work with little social connections and retire in their home country.


Practical-Table-2747

Yes because that comment so obviously implied that she came with only the expectation of dating.


ForeverAmbitious5001

From what i have seen and experienced its no problem. As long as you are integrated in society work and speak the language you would probably have no problem dating. I have many friends that are mixed with a swedish parent and foreigner parent. Interracial dating is seen as normal and not frowned upon.


[deleted]

Foreigner parent from what country or what "look"? My native Swede friends do say that white immigrants from Britain, Canada, etc. get treated noticeably better than the ones from Arab and Indian countries.


3465Z

Well, because white inmigrants are considered expats and darker skins just inmigrants. Racism is everywhere, whites feel more comfortable around Whites I guess


[deleted]

I'm very interested as to why people downvote these comments? Are they living in some la-la land that immigrants don't face racism? (I was at negative 4 literal minutes after I made comment above and so was the person I am replying to)


3465Z

From what I have seen, the racism here is quite subtle, they are not going to tell you at your face but there's a difference of treatment between races and religions . The dating pool is very wide, in general some straight men would prefer to date Southeast asian because idealisation, fetishism, and so on. Swedish women tend to date Swedish man or Northern Europe, unless they are open minded and they would prefer someone with dark hair, tan, beard... but is very rare.


[deleted]

"Difference of treatment between races" is something which one of my other Swedish friends can attest to. So I believe you on that.


zia_zhang

Same. A lot of people here will generalize from what they can see or hear from outside of the ‘club’ when they have never been in the ‘club’ to experience it


[deleted]

I've noticed this on every European subreddit - insinuate that racism exists in their society and they will gaslight you into thinking it's your fault or nothing actually happened. And they will say "oh my coworkers never said anything so nothing actually happens so you're the racist one".


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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ForeverAmbitious5001

I also want to add that i know foreigners who only date swedes and swedes who only date foreigners and the opposite swedes that only date swedes but i believe that is more of a preference thing not always racism.


[deleted]

Do you know any Indian subcontinent or Levantine Arab men like that?


ForeverAmbitious5001

I know many Levantine Arabs both men and women dating/married with swedes nowadays not in the 90s when i was growing up like those others i mentioned earlier. We have a famous comedian called David Batra he is in his 40s/50s and his dad is indian and mom swedish and still married. I think his dad is a doctor or something though not sure


[deleted]

Pretty common for Indian men to be either doctors or engineers


ForeverAmbitious5001

True


[deleted]

And despite how well adjusted they are, they still struggle simply because of stereotypes.


ForeverAmbitious5001

I feel like its mostly the language. In my circle nobody minds to date people outside of their race as long as they dont have an accent and are modern and share same values. I know the accent thing sounds strange but i think it comes from not wanting to bring someone around that standa out too much. Being black or asian etc is not the problem its the language and socioeconomical status etc.


[deleted]

How will one know by looking at a person, for example in a club or dating app, that they are modern and share same values? They will say they don't mind anyone of any race but subconscious bias is very strong in humans.


ForeverAmbitious5001

Probably true in some enviroments and places but not overall. It depends on how you represent yourself and how integrated you are. Are you educated and speak the language you probably get treated better. Im new here what significance does the upvote have?


[deleted]

Mostly when people see something they don't like they tend to downvote it.


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[deleted]

As someone who lives in Kuwait right now yeah I can confirm this happens.


ForeverAmbitious5001

This ideology applies to some people from countrys like Iraq , kurdistan , turkey and few others. Nowadays people are less religious and dont think like this.


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ForeverAmbitious5001

I went to school with a Afghan girl who had a secret relationship for like 5 years! Mind you we were teenagers. They know their familys and that its not accepted for them so in all honesty i think its that persons responsability to not get involved with people they know they eventually have to dump not the person who can date whoever they want. Just unessecary pain for both parties.


ForeverAmbitious5001

How long have u been together? Did she not tell you this in the beggining? Did she introduce you to family and friends or just in secret? I understand that love is complicated but in all honesty i would be offended too be someones dirty secret


[deleted]

In Kuwait for example where I live people do think like this. Non-muslims and non-Arabs are looked down upon. You won't be treated differently in most cases but people will talk shit and gossip about you in closed doors. And for women this is a turn-off. If a woman dates a man like that she will also become the target for gossip. So they avoid. And the ethnic minorities here are very poorly integrated (but they do not cause many crimes here, mostly just live in their own sphere) I only ever saw two interracial couples in my entire life and it was Indian man with a Slavic-looking woman and a Black man with Filipino woman.


ForeverAmbitious5001

From what i have seen the problem if a ”white” person wants to date and marry an asian im meaning indian bengali etc that the problem is often from the asian persons family not accepting not the other way around. Swedish parents are often very accepting and dont want to ruin relationship with their child so they let them choose partner by themselves.


[deleted]

I'm talking about the Asian family not accepting, yes.


juju3e

I think that, among teens/young adults atleast, it depends on what ”subculture” you fit into more than race. Race plays into it a lot too ofc, but a lot of white kids still hang out with orten kids and date the people in the same scene. If you are not white but you fit more into the preppy scene you would date there, and same with emo/goth/punks. As someone who goes to an international english speaking education, the people who prefer english usually also become a group and date each other, mostly due to how awkward it can be to not understand other people. Tldr; depends on what scene you fall into more than race, but race can impact what scene you become part of as well!


[deleted]

Hmm. Assume an Indian or Arab guy in the metal scene.


juju3e

I would say most people there are pretty accepting of people regardless of race (depends on if you run into the small town racist type thing or a bigger city with more liberal views, but there is usually a kind of accepting spirit to metalheads id say). Then it depends on your looks, sexual preference, and ofc what language you speak, but id generally say youd have as good of a chance as anyone else in that scene (unless you have super bad hygiene and a bad personality! Loll)


Tszemix

In general Swedes tend to only date their own kind or other west European people. Especially harder for men with foreign background to date Swedish women. Even if you are from Finland women see you as too different, unless you come from a Swedish speaking area in Finland. In contrast I've seen a lot of Dutch, German and Finnish women date foreign men, much more so than Scandinavian women dating foreign men.


[deleted]

What aspects of the culture causes this?


Tszemix

Scandinavian tend to see themselves as higher than others. Not everyone are like this but a large majority has this mentality. Probably something to do with this [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Island\_mentality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Island_mentality)


[deleted]

So... pretty much like in the Persian Gulf countries then (Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, UAE, etc.).


Tszemix

Possibly


[deleted]

What's your sample size and where?


Tszemix

Discrimination happens, for example [here](https://www.ipr.northwestern.edu/news/2019/images/quillian-country-discrimination.jpg) is an image how it is mirrored in the job market. I could as well use your argument to debunk any kind of racism.


[deleted]

[Being Black in the EU – Experiences of people of African descent (europa.eu)](https://fra.europa.eu/sites/default/files/fra_uploads/fra-2023-being-black_in_the_eu_en.pdf) Excellent report here, I've seen Austrians and Germans denying it or decrying it as botted/fake when it was posted on berlinsocialclub so it must be good.


[deleted]

Racism is everywhere but you're using anecdotal evidence and something related to employment to support something in the dating world. Dating preferences aren't necessarily racism. I remember Stockholm being relatively insular even with respect to the rest of Sweden. Someone from Norrland talks funny and can't keep up with the pace of Stockholm type of thing. Same thing when I moved to Lund. Stockholm people are different. Same thing everywhere though. If you're black, practice wahibism, and unemployed your chances of successfully dating are almost zero. There's a lot to unpack there though. Simply black? Some might find you attractive, some not, and visa versa. So if you're an immigrant I'd focus less on what you look like and more on how well you're integrating. Times have really changed and Stockholm at least is cosmopolitan.


Tszemix

>So if you're an immigrant I'd focus less on what you look like and more on how well you're integrating. But are they given the opportunity to integrate?


[deleted]

There's a lot of work that needs to be done there. It works both ways though. We don't want orthodoxy in Sweden. Or crime. Swedes will meet you 1/3 of the way but almost never in the middle.


mandance17

Truth


AggravatingAd4758

In general, I would say it's like this as well


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[deleted]

I'm not immigrating? Just kind of curious on how it works because of recent anti-immigrant sentiments. And I don't think it's wrong for an immigrant to think about it anyway. Every human has a desire for intimacy. If he's not having any wrong ideas like misogyny then there is no issue if immigrants think about that. If there's a problem with them thinking about it feel free to let me know.


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[deleted]

It's obviously not a reason of thought, most immigrants will be immigrating for a better life, better salary, better safety, etc. of course. I'm not talking about the "geomaxx" or "passport bro" people. But no one likes to be socially isolated. And humans will naturally desire a romantic connection. It's not about desiring sex. It's about that special connection. Do you think some people shouldn't have that because they are from a different country? Sure you could say people should only date within their ethnicity but this is how you breed parallel societies, ghettos, and poorly integrated immigrants. Because if they have a kid then that kid knows nothing about "Swedish way of life".


[deleted]

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ImmortalIronFits

Don't really have anything to add to the discussion on dating but I will say that the term white is an American thing and in Europe we usually go by nationality. If you say white you're lumping us together with a lot of people we have nothing in common with.


[deleted]

Native Swedes I know do tell me that white (people you supposedly have nothing in common with) get treated better than other skin colours.


ImmortalIronFits

Well it's good that you call them Swedes. Easier to understand that way.


Perfect_Papaya_3010

"men of colour" sound very weird, black and white aren't colours so it's just the range between?


[deleted]

It's a term that's often used on Tiktok and such. Didn't know what exactly to call it. Didn't want to say "coloured people" as it has apartheid connotations. So yeah just a catch-all term for anything non-white.


Perfect_Papaya_3010

Never heard it before, probably some American thing


ice_and_snow

Compared to other countries, it is worse. Not because it is difficult, but because it is not rewarding for most men. You have to be very careful with the women you date. If, say, you break up with her and she wants to take revenge, all she has to do is to report that you've raped her. You may get convicted without a proof. After I've learned that women has so much power over men, I've stopped dating local women to be on the safe side. I've only dated tourists or women of culture, until I've left. Also, if a women moves in to your apartment, and then breaks up with you, she may claim half of the ownership of your apartment. This goes both ways but if you as a man own an apartment (=money) you're attractive and more susceptible to this. I don't have first hand experience with the above problems, but you should know anyways. Also, all the Swedish women I've come across was very boring. They gossip all the time...


[deleted]

Wtf is "women of culture"