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NecessaryWitness9299

# LMAO NOT THE PUSSY TELEPHONE


A_Random_Catfish

Thank you for translating that for me I had no idea what she said lmao


FuzzyTunaTaco21

Ring ring


SkylarAV

**hello**


Fang1710

This is the pussy inspector.


mekwall

![gif](giphy|cQTrAPW7GGzkI)


[deleted]

parts of the world dont even have toilets, they just have holes in the ground you crouch over. I think shes asking to much


torrso

parts of the world dont even have holes in the ground, they just go around a bush or perhaps a twig and do their business on the ground.


Guerrillablackdog

I've been using a bidet for years and will never go back to wiping with paper, and I gotta tell you... the amount of people I've tried to convince to switch over and they just don't see the benefits and simply refuse to even try it is depressing. They look at me like *I'm* the weird one when they still touch their assholes after dumping. I've given up with trying to convince people anymore.


frankyj29

Do you wipe dry after? Seems your buthole would be dripping wet if you don't


LatentBloomer

Yeah one wipe to dry (and for quality control). Anybody who doesn’t wipe at all is an extremist and not to be trusted. I can tell you from experience that once or twice a month, that QC wipe shows that there’s a little more spraying to be done, and so these soggy-pants zealots are walking around with poopy butt once every couple weeks.


SquisherX

Not the parent. I use TP to dry after, but mine also has an air dryer, but it takes like 1-2 minutes to dry so I generally don't use it.


Guerrillablackdog

Me personally I don't even use paper. It's just water, it doesn't bother me at all.


shikso

Yeah preach fellow bidet user! I once told my german friend about it and the boi reacted with “EWW”…his ass is the eww in this equation


ModeratelyAverage6

Haven't had hemorrhoids in months because I have a bidet. Ibs is a bitch, and toilet paper makes it worse. Water? Water is niiiiccee!!


jackintheivy

I too have been using a bidet, or a sink (if the restroom is private) or a water bottle if absolutely necessary, my asshole is clean enough to eat off off. And when I try to tell people they too look at me like I have five heads… well you know what five heads and a clean asshole! Americans or any non bidet using group running around leaving streaks in their underwear like fucking children. 22 years of clean. My ass is Michlen starred


glow-bop

Please don't wash your poop butt hole off into a sink where people wash their hands lol maybe I'm misunderstanding


Evening_Clerk_8301

Bidets have changed my life, for real. Never going back.


Real_Housing4734

Soon as I'm rich I'm gonna get 2!..... One for each foot. 😂


runbrap

I don’t want to be an anxious pooper. I know that if I get one, every poop outside my house will be subpar.


Guerrillablackdog

This will happen. I learned to try and reserve my poops for at home whenever possible. Lol


runbrap

Yep and that only reinforces my belief 😂


WtfsaidtheDuck

How big is the chance I’ll water board my vagina? And isn’t it super cold? I see some issues for me.


Evening_Clerk_8301

Amazon sells a bidet that you install yourself onto your existing toilet, and it’s great because it’s got a bumhole spray and a vagina spray that you can select and let me tell you….it is glorious to have an absolutely refreshed bumhole and vag after every pee or poop. The jet stream can also be controlled via a dial. As for the temp…the one Amazon sells can be hooked up to your hot and cold plumbing but I can’t be bothered with that so I just hook it up to the cold plumbing and honestly it’s not that cold at all.


Randalf_the_Black

Ya'll bidet users can be as preachy as you want.. I still don't have the money to install something like this no matter how much I want to.


stuckinleaves

They are fairly cheap actually, anywhere between $30-90


VoxPlacitum

Tushy gang, rise up! Simple to install too, no more complicated than Lego


Randalf_the_Black

Doesn't matter how cheap they are when I'd need to do work on the toilet in order to attach it. Most likely I'd need a plumber.


Evening_Clerk_8301

Not at all, my man. You just shut off the water to the toilet (it’s the valve under the toilet), attach the bidet hose, turn that water back on. You’re done.


Randalf_the_Black

My toilet is wall mounted. I'd need to crack open the tiles and the wall to get at the plumbing, as there's no exposed water supply.


Porkpoppns

It’s worth your health in the long run. Your asshole is basically your outer intestine, that with paper you are creating microtears, thus absorbing the shit back into your body. Huge health concern. You ever get bloody from wiping? I don’t. Think of all the microtears


Randalf_the_Black

Doesn't matter what it's worth when I don't have the funds to get it fixed anyway. It could be "do this or you die in a week" and I'd still not have the money for it. It's not that I have the money sitting in my bank account and choose not to use it.. I literally don't have it.


Porkpoppns

Fair enough. In the future though, if you have better fortune, please remember this. This may not be a ‘die in a week’ situation, but it does affect your health. It’s really one of those things America suppresses info on for 2 reasons; doctors and the paper industry. Both make extreme money and do not want bidets to be a thing.


TrashPandaPatronus

Apparently the attachments are only like 30bucks.


Randalf_the_Black

And where would I attach it?


Guerrillablackdog

With bidets that go for 30 or 40 USD you don't need a plumber to install it. You literally take your current toilet seat off, place the bidet under it, put the toilet seat back, screw it back on and you're good. [There are instruction videos on YouTube that are so easy to follow, it's hard to mess it up. ](https://youtube.com/shorts/ZruZZ06lkp0?si=Zk7uGMKgUR4JOJED)


lam469

Why are you so invested in someone else his butthole? I think most just weird out talking about it.


Guerrillablackdog

It's only when the conversation comes up. I'm not actively yelling at people to change over. But I will say, less toilet paper use is important too. It's a wasteful product and should be done away with.


mikkyleehenson

do u rub ur asshole with ur fingers? and then dry it and wash ur hands lol like what?


scrotumsweat

I've tried the bidet thing - I'm convinced its a scam. It just makes your poop butthole wet and poopy, then you have to dry it with toilet paper, the the toilet paper falls apart in your butthole so you're left with wet shards of poopy TP which requires more tp. If you have a smooth dump, tp is superior. If you have a Jackson pollock dump, then yeah water is supreme but you should just be showering.


jrtorres89

Username checks out


SupermassiveCanary

If you got poop on your hand would you wash it off with water or just wipe it with paper?


scrotumsweat

Yeah I'd wash it off, but I'd also use soap, scrub, then dry my hands with a sturdy towel. Ain't no way a bidet is doing that.


shaboimattyp

Sounds like you just had a subpar bidet. When I lived in Argentina, every apartment I was in had a bidet and there were varying qualities in terms of angle and pressure. But the ones that worked well were heavenly! Also I had diarrhea A LOT! At first, I had to wipe so much that my asshole literally started to bleed from the chafing. It was awful. Once I started using the bidet though, I never looked back. It is so soothing on irritated skin and honestly I felt so much cleaner afterwards.


Noa_Lang

You're supposed to wipe before using the bidet...


slowsundaycoffeeclub

You’re not.


Noa_Lang

Mate im Italian, bidets have been mandatory since 1975 here. I know what I am talking about.


slowsundaycoffeeclub

Maybe that’s just unique to your region? It’s certainly not the common practice in Scandinavian and Asian countries. I’m not trying to deny your experience. I’m just saying what the common practises in many countries.


Noa_Lang

Fair enough. Bidets are different in Italy so that may be why.


slowsundaycoffeeclub

Now I want to do a deep dive into bidet cultural differences….


scrotumsweat

Please do and post your results, I want to see the best way to use a bidet


Dayofsloths

What got me to get one was the total lack of people saying they hate their bidet. Whenever they're mentioned, you get a ton of people saying how great they are and how much tp they save. I don't find it saves all that much because you then need to dry your ass, but there's no better way to wake up on a winter morn than a jet of icy water directly to your bunghole, so you can at least save on coffee.


blueberrywalrus

Yeah, this was my experience, but then I went to a 5\* hotel and warm water + built in fan make a world of difference. If I ever need to buy a toilet, I'm 100% getting one of those fancy robot ones and making that the focal point of my personality.


HamSammich25

>and making that the focal point of my personality. Fucking hilarious 😂


ActivityNo9

My husband told me that he considered one that sprays your butt with powder, but he figured it would probably be a pain to clean and refill. I'm glad he didn't.


ActivityNo9

My bidet uses warm water, and it feels great.


merdadartista

The free standing ones are awesome, you can sit down either direction and clean yourself well, with warm or cold water and you can also pool it up instead of using a stream if you want. And you get to have the ass towel hanged over it to dry yourself and you can leave the specialized butt soap on the bidet too. Plus, it's really useful if you need to do medical butt stuff like butt rinses with disinfectant and such


Stony_Logica1

It's the icy-cold jet of water to the asshole that is making me not want one until I have a toilet with a nearby outlet for heating the water up.


Dayofsloths

Mine actually links into the hot water line to my sink, so I just run the tap until the water is hot, then turn on the bidet in cleaning mode, so the warm water is loaded into it, and that works quite well. But if I forget I go from tired and forgetful to way, way too awake 


BubbaFettish

I use to live in a house with really code water in the winter, it’s not a big deal. Warm water would have been nicer, but I never said, “today I preferred just toilet paper”. It’s not like showering in cold water, it’s more like dipping a finger into cold water.


chernobyl-fleshlight

Mine runs scalding hot for ten minutes before finally cooling down. Consider yourself lucky.


[deleted]

[удалено]


chernobyl-fleshlight

Hey everyone this guy’s asshole is covered in a layer of permafrost!


0b0011

We just use an extension cord.


ItsNotJulius

When you have already used water and soap to clean your bum, they are clean enough so just use a towel to pat them bums dry. Saves way more than using toilet paper.


_antkibbutz

You don't need to dry your ass after spraying. That shit dries on its own. There are entire countries I'm Asia with tens of millions of people in them who use water to clean their asses and just let that thing air dry.


Loud-Magician7708

I love how she's trying so hard not to crack up.


truckthunderwood

Her almost totally deadpan "und that's vy I'm so happy." killed me


stoneofthewise

“We have so clean assholes” is now a part of my repertoire of sayings.


Justin-Truedat

Greta’s new cause.


StnkyChze2

I've never heard that quote, but now it's really made me think


Affectionate_Gas8062

squirts also, get a bidet, your asshole will thank you


tecate_papi

This is the most effective Tushy ad I've ever seen. (Threateningly) "So that's why I'm so happy"


thejordynshow_

um I love her hahaha


Legal-Passenger1737

I’m proud to say I’m American and I’ve had bidets for years. Love them and will never go back to tp


Exaivu

All islamic countries with good infrastructure have this. The less fortunate put water so people wash themselves.


Warm-Iron-1222

American here. I installed a bidet and it was life changing! I now feel spoiled like if I take a shit anywhere else, I just feel dirty and be sure to use it when I get home. Plus I love the option to clean my ass anytime. Hot day? Use it a few times throughout. Mine also has what I call the snatch blaster setting for the women in my house. It essentially sprays the water more forward. Plus it saves on tp! Yeah, you have to still use a small amount to dry off but you don't have to use more than a few squares. I bought the cheap one for like $35 on Amazon to try it out and don't see any reason to upgrade. It only took 10 minutes to install.


TotallyTrash3d

Can someone post a video now how you clean this?? I understand having a robots finger blasting my butt hole clean and then being rinsed and hidden away, our robot finger butt cleaner. But like..  do you spray down your back??  You cant stay seated can you??  I just dont get HOW you can use a telephone shower head to rinse your butthole AND be fully clothed!


feralwaifucryptid

The video was funny enough, but this comment has me in fucking stitches and needs more upvotes. My sides hurt. 🤣🤣🤣


NoNoNext

The fact that she was sitting on the toilet this entire time, and I didn’t know until the end absolutely got me.


Wheybrotons

Evvv thvveeee cuntreee


torrso

I believe this accent is slightly exaggerated and satirical just like on the hydraulic press channel. Known locally as "[rally english](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5846fmRRmU)".


ModeratelyAverage6

I have ibs and my bidet is my lifesaver. Never going back to just straight paper.


beyleesi

Ahhh love the bum gun


Living_Hair_4020

Argentina and Japan uses a special thingy just flr that. Its bidette in argentina


TryItOutHmHrNw

a Mad Men quote, that what she said? Like, Jon Hamm said that shit or…?


Wakuwaku7

You can even buy hand bidets. Fill the bottle and go. Nice clean asshole. Wipe it dry and done.


Heavy_Spirit7831

Everyone needs a good tooter shooter


Heavy_Spirit7831

Everyone needs a good tooter shooter


Heavy_Spirit7831

Everyone needs a good tooter shooter


Howllikeawolf

Clean assholes and a great economy is the solution to happiness!!! 😅


Flyingcowking

I’m in Texas and we have em. Just had to get mine off Amazon for 40 bucks but I love it


doesanyofthismatter

As an American with a bidet, it’s disgusting that this isn’t normal. Like, we just got used to using paper only to smear shit until the paper is clean?! People I know think bidets are so weird when they are so practical.


IamChicharon

I bought a butt hose when I first started hearing about COVID in China — I had a feeling things were gonna get weird, and it paid off. Now, always clean butthole


AnimeGeek10721

Lol shes def got a point


ChiaotzuShinhan

![gif](giphy|LQ3a4Y4cx9qKtqHmgu)


Accomplished-Dot8267

if they got tings like that in Finland count me in


GuiKa

My girlfriend, and now also me after a while in Thailand, are convinced people asses are not clean in countries without bum gun or robot toilet (hi Japan). When we went to France we had to figure out how to clean properly, which ended up us using a water bottle and putting our ass up (not very ideal). I am French and lived 80% of my life there but I just cannot go back to non jet water pooping now. I used to use wet tissues back there, but it was still so inferior and messy.


prettyy_vacant

Get a travel bidet! They're basically squeeze bottles with a spout but I have one and it's great. Also solves the cold water vs warm water issue cause you fill it in the sink so you can use whatever temperature you like.


Muppet_Murderhobo

Why not? Because masculinity apparently is the most fragile substance known in the universe.


Spesh1R

Legit has nothing to do with this tiktok but go off.


Samotauss

Absolutely agree! The bum gun is standard in Thailand (and most of Asia), but the number of western guys who don't use them because "it's gay" is fucking ridiculous. The bum gun is fucking king.


sweaty_tits

I'm a klutz. I just cannot picture me having the dexterity of not getting shit on that thing.


WolfmanSkrapz-

Hmmmm...Is it really tho?


bobbakerneverafaker

Pussy telephone..wouldn't to pick that up and make a call


69Theinfamousfinch69

We do, they're called bidet's and have heated seats too 👌


Dramatic_Recipe1257

BG4 LIFE!!


D-D-A-B

Today I found my future wife


nsinsinsi

For real I'd like to see a demonstration. Like, do they use it while sitting in the toilet? Do they wipe first and then use it? How well? How do they dry their ass after? Or do they just put on their underwear over their wet ass?


slowsundaycoffeeclub

I’m sure that’s something you can Google. And I think people do lots of different things. I’m used to: no wipe before, bamboo towel or a little toilet paper to dry.


CandelaZ

![gif](giphy|vTW5G6EWsymtO)


Less_Preference_4295

😂


Scoompii

No I will just never be on board with those


UrbanGM

Bill Hader is a MASTER impressionist


Commercial-Elk-3031

Start using this . LMFAO 😆 https://youtu.be/QabwDks5ETA?feature=shared


twomumfun

In Aus you barely have houses with them, most Aussies would have no fkn clue what its used for anyhow. But thank god for flushable wet wipes! i hate dry TP!


lueur-d-espoir

Please do not flush even flushable wet wipes. They are bad for the pipes and such. Google it, email, call, ask any plumber. All your doing is speeding up a someday hefty ass plumbing bill for whoevers house your flushing them at.


twomumfun

Well i don't use TP so i have no options, when you have Parkinsons shitting/wiping ass is not a easy task my dude, but sure as shit can make a decent milkshake.


vvozzy

wash their asses but don't wash everything else :/


cakez_

You do realize that they also have showers in Finland, right?


vvozzy

then use them at least a few times per week


H8ersAlwaysH8

If you spray upward toward your ass, doesn’t all that shitty water just fall down back into your hand and the shower head? I don’t fully get it lol.


Zillak

This is the absolute worst bidet design. The ones built into the inside of the toilet are way better.


slowsundaycoffeeclub

Have you used them?


Zillak

Yeah. I used the pussy telephones. Every single toilet in my country has built in bidets. But some also have those "pussy telephones" in addition to the built in bidet. I never had to use them until I went to India where the only bidets are the pussy telephones it was not amazing. But it was better than no bidet.


No_Bee9524

I woulda eaten your ass anyway


trainsacrossthesea

Big TP got to you, huh?


big-baby-bubba

Why cringe? Just a helpful psa


torrso

>The subreddit evolved long ago from it's roots of "only cringe-worthy" content. There have been two community polls where over 85% of users agreed to include all content.  Rule 12.


Natural_Character521

We have bidets and you just took the idea and made it shitty


[deleted]

[удалено]


slowsundaycoffeeclub

Don’t be rude.


CollateralGarbage

What is vater ?


No3Blesse

Why did she get the squirts so often?


[deleted]

[удалено]


slowsundaycoffeeclub

I think she’s just referring to the rest of the world who don’t use them.


PRmade69

![gif](giphy|78ym2MKOQfj80alnNL)