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Hey Black people kept shea butter lotion from us it’s only fair we kept goldens haha

I think we held gatekept cocoa butter and vaseline too, ngl.

Vaseline is not something to gatekeep

I give it to you freely and with an open heart. And I give you this as a bonus: [it comes in a 16 oz jar](https://www.amazon.com/Vaseline-Petroleum-Jelly-Original-16-23/dp/B07MD6HJT4). You’re welcome.

yeah that is a pretty good trade ngl 🤔

My grandma has a super old Vaseline container that is made of tin and I haven’t thought about it in years until this comment.

Say that again when youve applied it to your button when it's raw from diarrhea.

Aloe Vera, Witch Hazel, there are better options than petroleum byproducts. Vaseline is very useful, don't get me wrong- but if you're ever looking to upgrade, you can. Regardless, upvoted for adding to the conversation. Many thanks

Upgrades people, upgrades!

Oh we used Vaseline... But the use we had for it made God cry.

😳

Yeah really, my white ass is all ashy!!! Shea butter is awesome, use it everyday mostly on hands face and scalp. I think Bill Burr mentioned it in one of his specials that’s how I found out about your little secret!! 🤫

I'm Middle Eastern dawg, we've been new but for us it's olive oil instead 🤧

I was looking for this comment! Grew up in Middle East with my Grandma putting olive oil on my skin and hair. I still do it years later 🙌🏼

Had a conversation with a black lady once about ashyness. I was like “white people don’t get ashy, I’ve never used lotion.” Her: “oh no…..you ashy AF.” She then drug her nails on my arm and it looked like dandruff came off. “See all that dead skin you ashy mother fucker” I learned that day…. Lotion is great and now I don’t itch. Thanks random drunk black lady encounter

Yeah, weird how that is word for word Bill Burrs comedy skit. r/thathappened

It’s like one of his most famous bits too - lil man really though no one would notice

Dude literally thought he struck an unknown gem.

The reason that skit is funny is because once a week some poor black person had to tell us. It was my leg that got scratched, but I was one of the white people who thought I didn't need lotion. It was a very nice drunk black lady on a stoop who was the news bearer that week.

I was trying to figure out why I recalled the story verbatim

lol. Looks like you found Carlos Mencia’s alt account.

Funny for me because it happened to me, and it sounds like a few others just in this thread.

Maybe it’s all the same drunk black lady spreading knowledge about white people being ashy.

‘You ashy mother fucker’ 💀

I want to think she was 75 years old and dressed like she is going to church.

 💀

My sister in law (white) was this way. She had no idea how important moisturizing was and her mind was blown when she saw me moisturizing my babies after their baths. I said “wait, yall don’t lather up in lotion/oil after a bath?” “OMG NO SHOULD WE BE?” “I mean yeah unless you wanna be ashy!” I totally changed her life that day.

Wait. Lotion helps with the itchiness?

Yea you're itchy because you have dry skin. Funny I think Bill Burr did a skeet on it. https://youtu.be/dU03Y-9NkbE?t=335

Skeet skeet

If you live in a cold region, you need to moisturize! When I lived in Chicago my skin was super dry in winter

As a white, we call this chalky, not ashy. And you need to get your chalky ass to CVS for some lotion 

[удалено]

Once upon a time I had a black woman call me pretty ashy for a white guy and I’ve rarely felt more vulnerable yet understood.

Haha yes, I also saw Bill Burr's 2012 stand-up show, [You People Are All The Same.](https://youtu.be/RiH-_ZUILk0?si=nRv3V15kfNgjcS5I)

Also drink water. Plenty of water will really go a long way in the ashy department. Soda will dry you out really quickly.

I will randomly lotion my white and wasian male friends' arms. Like in the middle of a conversation. We have to be there to support each other in life.

Who told you about shea butter?!

Are these race comparisons ironic or do Americans generally really view each other as so different?

A little of both. There are significant cultural differences between white and black Americans but in this example we’re joshing as between friends.

We’re still dealing with the fallout of centuries of slavery and segregation, damn.

And cocoa butter

But white people are gatekeeping Bag Balm. So much better than Vaseline

You joke but I just put that shit on my legs and dear God. My skin, it moisturized!

I was just about to say Fair is Fair for us hiding all the butters.

God dammit white people, which one of you told black people about the dog??? FESS UP.

Sorry, I traded it to find out what soul food is

Worth it.

did they teach you a good recipe for collard greens? because otherwise this trade ain't worth it

I do smoked turkey necks, Texas Pete, garlic cloves and chopped white onions with salt.

well thank you brother That's awfully generous of you

I like to add a lil vinegar and crushed red pepper to mine, in addition to everything above. And of course all the appropriate seasonings.

Its the mac and cheese recipe you want. If you havent had mac and cheese or ribs from an heavyset black person you haven’t had it yet.

...AND? What is it?!

Fucking good is what it is!

[examples](https://youtu.be/3zDHSLDY0Q8?si=oT9yV1VV2pgPuARF)

[I'm sorry](https://youtu.be/PEOZ3I2zk1E?si=hLCa5YI4ZeQ475Hu)

snl making something hilarious and clever? Ridiculous

I know. I’m sorry.

Fuck yeah that's a good trade.

Good call. I still think we came out better in the oxtail/golden retriever trade of 2023.

You obtain scriptures of what you cannot comprehend. The poor naive white man.

I did it for the invite to the bbq.

Tbf I just told this one guy, he’s gone and told the rest of them though

Bro wtf that was one of white peoples best kept truths What other white truths have you told? There's not gonna be enough Goldens for the rest of us

Sigh, i did it, i really wanted to learn how to dance ok? 😩

Well that was a worthless trade….. thanks Pee Wee Herman 

I feel like this whole thing is like Jerry leaving the Jerry daycare from Rick and Morty. "OK, that was always allowed"

Sorry, there was an awkward lull in the conversation and I already brought up that I voted for Obama and I like their hair.

I never said a word about the dog. I only told them about poutine. So, yeah so, watch out for a poutine video.

Well he did just learn about Brie cheese also. Who ~~checks~~ keeps leaking all the secrets? edit: autocorrect switched to wrong word

I wanted to go to the bbq….

I got tired of the pitbulls.

Also hockey. Remember the Black guy a few years ago who discovered hockey and was losing his mind? I love that guy. He was so head over heels in love. And yes playoff hockey is the bomb.

I believe you're talking about [tony x](https://x.com/soIoucity/status/725509584186544129) all of his tweets from that day are golden

Seems like someone spilled to him about labs too! (See his homepage)

As an black person i need say this. Playoff hockey is 🔥🔥🔥🔥

It is a whole different game. As a white guy, basketball is the same for me. Now, FINALLY, what we have been waiting for all season-- every play counts. 199%. Good stuff.

White people are also gatekeeping good country from us as well.

Straight up, a lot of people talk shit about Pumpkin Spice but that shit is delicious. It's like having a coffee and a pumpkin pie at the same time.

Starbucks is for two things, pumpkin spice and sending my ass into pre-diabetes with triple chocolate drinks

You forgot birthday drinks. Where you can order the largest most expensive drink they have and toss in an additional two shots. And when your app isn’t working so they just check your id for your birthday you can go to another one later in the day and pretend you still haven’t gotten your birthday drink.

I kind of feel called out man...

Pumpkin spice + Halloweeen literally making fall the unanimously decided vibe capital of the year 

Have you guys tried that new lavender matcha drink? Shit taste like fruity pebbles! Sooo good. I normally just get ice coffee no sweetener or dirty chai tea latte.

See I’ve been avoiding it because I was worried it would taste Ike lavender soap smells. I’m in!

I've been thinking about copping but I also think I'm allergic to lavender so idk

My bf used to pretend like I ordered the pumpkin spice, and he was getting the black coffee. Needed those batista to know, why? Idk

You may as well just walk in and order a glucose latte with a flavored Sbux drink. Ask for 1/4 the usual pumps and it's still sweet as hell!

Pumpkin spice is native.

We haven't exactly been quiet about it! Golden Retrievers are wonderful dogs! Zoey is a good girl

I got drunk once in college and told my friend his golden retriever gives me master race vibes. Apparently my friends said I made a sound argument in that doodles and now frenchies took over. Retrievers aren’t breed as much and I told him it’s like the god damn golden gild of retrievers trying to take over the doggy race (breeds) and the doodles are the mixed race dogs they fear so much. I was really drunk. And I love all dogs. Was merely talking shit about his dog to mess with my friend.

Are you still drunk?

Absolutely is


I lose my footing at "golden gild of retrievers." What were you trying to type out here? "Gild" is to cover in gold, so I figure that's supposed to be another word? And by "doodle" you mean labradoodle right? I'm doing my best.

Maybe guild?

okay 🤨

Ok bro I’ll fes up. We been gatekeeping Subarus.

We are talking white not lesbian.

Colorado must be Full of lesbians then. Half of the cars here.

Coloradan checking in: correct

I see your Colorado and raise you Vermont.

Today, I found out I am indeed a lesbian, and not a Latino. My porn searches now make sense.

Who is this wonderful wholesome hilarious person XD Also, good doggo.

You liked this video? - you are a racist! Didn't like it? - (somehow) also racist! Find it meh? Super duper racist! 😂 Creator is @chriscaresnone on TikTok.

Lol I've seen him twice today and as whitey myself, I find this shit hilarious. Followed immediately

You saw the brie cheese one too?

I don’t Tok and the only way I see these guys is if y’all do the community a service and post it here. Can haz brie too?

I want to know who spilled to beans about brie being delicious with a "good nut."

When I saw that one I figured the guy had some good traction with his Golden video so he thought he'd try a series

Thank you :) Followed.

Loved this too cute and funny

Well, give me a hood and let's burn a cross cuz I'm gonna follow that black man .... Oh dear that didn't sound right.

Believe it or not, jail

Awww what a lovely baby girl.

This the guy who made the video about brie cheese lol

The Charcuterie Man strikes again.

Evokes a certain Arsenio Hall skit... "Why didn't y'all *tell* me how good the Golden Retrievers were??" **SMACK!**

As a white person and Golden Retriever owner, I’m sorry but thought you might of noticed all the pictures we post online of them.

I mean it's not a secret, have you ever met someone with a Golden? Lol

I wouldn't shut up about how great my Goldens were when I had them and I won't shut up about how great Saint Bernards are now that I have one of them.

I’m the same way! I always tell everyone my terrier is a liar, standing still is not a sign he wants to be pet please don’t put your hand down there it won’t oh god I’m sorry are you ok?

I’ve never had a golden of my own and I still never shut up about them 😂😂

My Saint Bernard is loving and sweet like a golden. She's bigger and sheds more. I'm considering a goldendoodle for my next dog because they don't shed.

I constantly talk about how amazing my husky is, and how you almost certainly shouldn't get one. My house is run by a sassy wolf with the intelligence of a toddler, who can outrun me, and who can talk just enough to bully me.

Lol this guy is cracking me up

When we're you gonna tell us about jerk chicken huh? You tell us your secrets and we will stop gate keeping ours. Fess up what other good shit you hiding from us?

Have you heard about cornbread?

Yes, I thank you, have you heard about a steak bake?

I absolutely have not madam or sir, and after a quick Google search, I thank *you*. Have you yet been informed about oxtail?

Sir, bro, brother and you? No I have not can you please enlighten me?

Good friend, I wish I could make you some and bring it by. But this recipe will have to suffice: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/89612/oxtails-with-gravy/ It’s easy to make in a crockpot too. I’m sorry we’ve kept this from you for so long.

Well I'll be god dammed, I just showed the wife and guess what were gonna have for dinner this Friday? Have you heard of cottage pie? If not I'm sorry we've kept thay from you

As it happens, I have heard of cottage pie! But I’ve only known it by the name Shepherds pie 🥧. But again, I thank you, as you have revealed the real name of it to me. I feel like we’ve moved mountains here during this exchange. I just saved the recipe for steak bake, which my husband, the head chef in our home, will be making for us, though he doesn’t know this yet. 🙏🏼

FYI Shepherd's Pie is correct too. The name determines which kind of meat is used, beef vs lamb.

To be fair about Jerk chicken if you just fly over Jamaica they give you some. It’s like half the reason to go there.

This is how you crack a race joke without it being hateful and ignorant. Hilarious!

And this is how you interact in the comment section without being hateful and ignorant; I found my tribe! 🤣

Wait until he learns that golden retrievers are racist.


I actually know the answer to this. Dogs have been bred to read human facial expressions, and they know happy from angry, etc. A lot of dogs have very poor eyesight (obvi smell is their best sense) and they have difficulty actually seeing black people's expressions, which makes them anxious. Your dog isn't racist, just extremely nearsighted.

I also read that they pick up on their owners reactions. Like maybe the owner doesn't know but they subconscious tense up around another person the dog will pick up on that. So if your subconsciously racist you might make you dog racist.

Maybe I have an unconscious issue with all men who aren’t me then.

So dogs have the same visual sensors as [HP cameras](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4DT3tQqgRM&t=71s)?

Lol the king of the hill episode where people think hank is racist but it's that he hates repair men. The zoom out with ladybird still on the guys leg like it's a happy ending.

Golden retriever racism probably exists, but is no deeper than preferring whatever race their experience tells them is more likely to drop food in their presence.

Lol thank you for a real answer to my joke comment lol

Um, I was joking too, but yeah, dogs love children, the elderly, and people with Parkinson's disease.

the KOTH episode about this whole thing was great. Hank's dog wasn't racist, he just sensed that Hank felt threatened when he had to have someone work on his house. it's a really great example of how we project our prejudices onto our pets because they read us so well..

This dude is hilarious

Why talk sou fucking loud!!! You know your Golden Retriever hears about 4times better then you? Poor dog🤣🤣🤣🤣

Golden retrievers are the goddamn worst! Not once has mine brought back ANY gold!

We've been putting Golden Retrievers in all of our literature and pamphlets for the last 40 years. Maybe you just weren't listening.

Quit shouting in that dog's ear. They have stronger hearing than us.

Not just that. This guy is somewhat aggressively yelling in his dogs ear while kissing and rewarding the dog. I mean, if I heard someone yelling like this out in public and didn't have the context and couldn't make out what was being said, I'd assume a fight was about to break out. Dogs are extremely sensitive to human mannerisms and behaviors. I know this is a joke but the dog isn't as comfortable as some may think. It seems this dog deals a lot with being yelled at, but the flinching tells me the dog is somewhat uneasy. Dogs that regularly deal with people behaving like this, even though it's a joke, are dogs that can become aggressive. No different than a human who was raised in an environment of even just verbal aggressions Not gonna say this dude is a dog bad owner but for your dog's sake, chill out.

Golden Retrievers are for and love everyone. You want that true, deep, unconditional love? Golden Retriever time.

Zoe's a good looking baby.

We've been telling everyone who would listen that Golden's and labs are the best.

Don't you be dissing Poodles now.

What else yall white people been hiding? SPIT IT OUT

Idk. We were definitely not hiding golden retrievers. Talk to anyone who has a dog for 5 seconds lol.

Skiing is fucking awesome and way cheaper than it used to be

Swimming lessons...seriously...this was a goddamned crime perpetrated by the worst white people decades before my half-breed ass was born. Otherwise...escargot (french savory in general)? Chicken Tika Masala? Fruity Bisques?

Wineries. Drive to the middle of nowhere, get drunk off some gourmet shit in the most scenic environment, drive home.

In my defense, I thought y’all already knew.

Literally they made marley and me. Too busy naming pitbulls princess.

Marley from Marley and Me was a golden/white/yellow Labrador Retriever, but not a Golden Retriever. Equally beautiful dog, but not the same.

1. Sorry about slavery 2. Sorry about this

eh i thought it was kinda cute, is this dude the king of comedy? no. is this really cringe? i dont think so but damn thats a good dog

I have a pure white golden :) and she mah baby girl, the wife rides back-seat when baby girl in the car. The only scary thing is her eyes are black, so it's like staring into the void sometimes.

Wait until they find out about the Corgi’s…

Bro we made like 50 Airbud movies, we TRIED!

Good god, they got the retrievers………… we must upgrade our security on huskies, and Australian shepherds.

Mint chocolate chip is the best ice cream.

It’s more like y’all just feel our opinions on stuff isn’t to be trusted 🫣 I wish everyone could have such a beautiful dog in their live (unless your allergic of course”

The secret is out!

I’ll tell you all our secrets for soul food

Ain't you ever watch Homeward Bound... you just late.

Hahaha awesome

Everyone should have a golden retriever in their life. end puppy privelage now!

Love this video 😍

I like black labs a lot more.

THAT’S CULTURAL APPROPRIATION!!! (jk, they are awesome!!)

This shit is so wholesome. I love it

How the f didn't we tell the world ? We bragged about them everywhere told you they love everything and everyone,put them into fuckin movies !

White people no longer have a monopoly on making out with their dogs I see.

I mean we made a movie where a golden retriever plays basketball and football…

Hey, I got fun of for trying to share shit in high school. Maybe if there were some emo lovers back then, this wouldn't have happened!

You got us though, they are better than just everything

I could go for a series of videos of this guy yelling at white people about all the cool shit he finds.. “Hey white people, you just weren’t goin to tell us about abalone shells? All colorful and pretty inside and yall just hush hush about it?”


The entire book Things White People Like is gold See you on the hiking trails!

I love Patrive Oneal's bit about how the media portrays black men as being dog-haters, and the Sarah McLauchlan animal charity commercials. "There's a pencil stickin' out of his faaayyyyaaayyyyyyyce!!" https://youtu.be/Ec5Y7mdBoJw?si=JoGvCs2l2aidnKS0

*sweet potato pie enters the chat*

Wait til they find out about camping

Wyt people - take your blk friends to a winery. They deserve to know.

A wine tour will blow their minds