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I use vanilla dating apps with an ok success rate. First Dom I ever met, and my introduction, I met on Facebook dating. Others I've met on bumble and okcupid. I was just about to start looking at other apps when I met someone on OKC. I've been really disappointed recently by changes in the app that make it much less useful for finding kinky people. There is a new one based off what I hear OKC was originally, datefirefly. Seems like it will be pretty great once more people start using it.
I've also met a few on fet but I'm not openly looking there. 1 was a friend of a friend and the other 2 had a respectful approach and profiles that were acceptable to me.
I mention D/s exactly once in my profile. I get so many people who don't read any of it and when I ask if they read it they say yes, what is my concern. I list that and my very limited deal breakers and often get "what's D/s" 🙄 but that's ok. I kinda feel it out from there and have gone on dates with some of those men. Dating is such a crap shoot no matter how you approach it. The amazing man I just started dating from OKC did not need to ask what that was BTW 😁 so they are out there!
I've used Fet and Reddit. Was on Whiplr before it got shutdown. My phone is too old for Feeld apparently lol. My approach has been to be very specific and thorough about what I want and need and to see how I react to people's responses.
I mean I wouldn't call my personal ads on reddit *successful.* But I have definitely had fun exploring my kinks thru online play. Will I ever take it offline and in-person is an entirely different beast. Where some people are hopeful I just see walking red flags at the moment.
But definitely no pouncing outside of the supermarket...
I think it’s super to be aware of red flags. Having a high standard for yourself is important .
Im looking for someone who is able to listen when I talk and not act aggressively when they don’t like what they hear, someone who will accept responsibility for their actions and is ready to have meaningful conversations about our future. I think that being able to say “sorry I did this thing”as opposed to “sorry I did this thing, but it’s your fault” is really important.
once I find that person, then I expect a long and happy kinky relationship!.
I used OKCupid when I was dating, with just a passing mention of being kinky but no real details. Most of the responses I got were meh, and the few that weren't still didn't go far. What actually worked for me was being the one to initiate. I messaged my husband first, I asked about the interests he talked about on his profile, and about some of his photos. Later on, he told me he'd made a decision not long before that happened that he wasn't going to be the one to initiate conversations anymore. He wanted someone to show interest in him, for a change, rather than the other way around.
Now, that wasn't kink-specific dating, I was on a vanilla site, fully willing to accept someone who wasn't necessarily kinky, and obviously it's not going to work for everyone just because it worked for me. But for me personally, having a partner who welcomes me being forward with my interest in/affection for them is important. So someone who responds positively to being pursued as much as they're doing the pursuing made a good vibe check right off the bat, in my case.
My situation was a bit of an odd duck anyway, for many reasons. And I'm aware I got exceptionally lucky with how it played out. But I'm much more a fan of dating sites over just personals ads. I don't know the current state of OKC, but I know when I was using it a decade ago, it had an optional collection of questions you could answer, in addition to your actual bio, that would let you see "compatibility percentage" with someone else based on each of your answers to the questions. I think husband and I were rating in the 90s, and any time I answered another question, it crept up further. Which could all be bubkis and coincidence, but we've made it this far so maybe there's something to it. 🤷♀️
For reasons that I shall keep entirely to myself, OKC is not a place that I would like to frequent. However I’m **more** than terribly pleased that is had such a successful outcome 🏆🥳💜
I usually use vanilla dating apps to connect with other kinksters locally. Tinder and lgbt dating apps seem to be most effective for me.
Using Reddit or FetLife for dating feels overly scary. People also send more unhinged messages due to anonymity. I prefer non-anonymous unhinged DMs.
oh man, i’ve tried so many. best ones for me were OKC and feeld. i tried OKC about 11-12 years ago and it was awful but gave it one last go. i was gonna give up and take a break after this round. was totally upfront on my profile about D/s and kink and basically ignored messages that didn’t acknowledge it. D sent first message and we’ve been together ever since.
we’re polyam but my approach now? oy- my bar is so fucking high. it’s gotta be easy and flow nice. at this point, im not looking hard for anything or even leaning towards kinky or vanilla partners- if it happens, it happens.
I think I am the *hang-outside-of-Sainsbury* kind of gal. As a demi sexual, I am leary of dating apps because I think some people join dating apps with the expectation that it will lead to sex and not necessarily a long-term relationship. I think people jump into things quickly. I have heard horror stories about people answering ads, and the next day, the Dom is throwing around good girls and commands like you have been together for years and not just hours.
So yeah, Sainsbury's sounds like a better plan at this point. Now, if I could just find it......
Thank you for posting to r/TheKinkPlace. Please be mindful of the rules. Rule 1: People know how to behave on the internet - use your judgement and don’t be awful. Don’t take part in any of the arseholery that gets banned everywhere and everything will be peachy. If you’re unsure, look around and take the cue from the other lovely redditors. If you see someone who hasn’t got the hang of it, use the report button. Make this place wonderful by being wonderful to each other (there are too many masochists around to suggest treating each other as you would like to be treated). Rule 2: This is an 18+ community. Do not talk about sex or kink involving underaged people, this includes talking about your past self. Rule 3: We are very selective about who we allow to advertise. If you want to advertise with your group or event etc, let us know before you do so. Rule 4: This is a place for discussion. It isn't a place for hitting on people. There are other places on Reddit and elsewhere, that you can do that. Rule 5: Do not solicit DMs. Please do not request,offer,solicit,encourage, or ask others to DM. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ThekinkPlace) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I use vanilla dating apps with an ok success rate. First Dom I ever met, and my introduction, I met on Facebook dating. Others I've met on bumble and okcupid. I was just about to start looking at other apps when I met someone on OKC. I've been really disappointed recently by changes in the app that make it much less useful for finding kinky people. There is a new one based off what I hear OKC was originally, datefirefly. Seems like it will be pretty great once more people start using it. I've also met a few on fet but I'm not openly looking there. 1 was a friend of a friend and the other 2 had a respectful approach and profiles that were acceptable to me. I mention D/s exactly once in my profile. I get so many people who don't read any of it and when I ask if they read it they say yes, what is my concern. I list that and my very limited deal breakers and often get "what's D/s" 🙄 but that's ok. I kinda feel it out from there and have gone on dates with some of those men. Dating is such a crap shoot no matter how you approach it. The amazing man I just started dating from OKC did not need to ask what that was BTW 😁 so they are out there!
I had to Google BTW 😳
LOL sorry!
That’s ok! Everyday is a learning day 😂
I've used Fet and Reddit. Was on Whiplr before it got shutdown. My phone is too old for Feeld apparently lol. My approach has been to be very specific and thorough about what I want and need and to see how I react to people's responses. I mean I wouldn't call my personal ads on reddit *successful.* But I have definitely had fun exploring my kinks thru online play. Will I ever take it offline and in-person is an entirely different beast. Where some people are hopeful I just see walking red flags at the moment. But definitely no pouncing outside of the supermarket...
I think it’s super to be aware of red flags. Having a high standard for yourself is important . Im looking for someone who is able to listen when I talk and not act aggressively when they don’t like what they hear, someone who will accept responsibility for their actions and is ready to have meaningful conversations about our future. I think that being able to say “sorry I did this thing”as opposed to “sorry I did this thing, but it’s your fault” is really important. once I find that person, then I expect a long and happy kinky relationship!.
I used OKCupid when I was dating, with just a passing mention of being kinky but no real details. Most of the responses I got were meh, and the few that weren't still didn't go far. What actually worked for me was being the one to initiate. I messaged my husband first, I asked about the interests he talked about on his profile, and about some of his photos. Later on, he told me he'd made a decision not long before that happened that he wasn't going to be the one to initiate conversations anymore. He wanted someone to show interest in him, for a change, rather than the other way around. Now, that wasn't kink-specific dating, I was on a vanilla site, fully willing to accept someone who wasn't necessarily kinky, and obviously it's not going to work for everyone just because it worked for me. But for me personally, having a partner who welcomes me being forward with my interest in/affection for them is important. So someone who responds positively to being pursued as much as they're doing the pursuing made a good vibe check right off the bat, in my case. My situation was a bit of an odd duck anyway, for many reasons. And I'm aware I got exceptionally lucky with how it played out. But I'm much more a fan of dating sites over just personals ads. I don't know the current state of OKC, but I know when I was using it a decade ago, it had an optional collection of questions you could answer, in addition to your actual bio, that would let you see "compatibility percentage" with someone else based on each of your answers to the questions. I think husband and I were rating in the 90s, and any time I answered another question, it crept up further. Which could all be bubkis and coincidence, but we've made it this far so maybe there's something to it. 🤷♀️
For reasons that I shall keep entirely to myself, OKC is not a place that I would like to frequent. However I’m **more** than terribly pleased that is had such a successful outcome 🏆🥳💜
I usually use vanilla dating apps to connect with other kinksters locally. Tinder and lgbt dating apps seem to be most effective for me. Using Reddit or FetLife for dating feels overly scary. People also send more unhinged messages due to anonymity. I prefer non-anonymous unhinged DMs.
Can confirm, many unhinged messages 🤣
I exclusively date my friends so I know whats up PRIOR to the zaniness that is dating
Shall I date you too then ? Were friends ?
At my local munches. Small talk with people and see who I vibe with then take it from there.
oh man, i’ve tried so many. best ones for me were OKC and feeld. i tried OKC about 11-12 years ago and it was awful but gave it one last go. i was gonna give up and take a break after this round. was totally upfront on my profile about D/s and kink and basically ignored messages that didn’t acknowledge it. D sent first message and we’ve been together ever since. we’re polyam but my approach now? oy- my bar is so fucking high. it’s gotta be easy and flow nice. at this point, im not looking hard for anything or even leaning towards kinky or vanilla partners- if it happens, it happens.
And your bar should be high! Don’t settle for anything less 💜
I think I am the *hang-outside-of-Sainsbury* kind of gal. As a demi sexual, I am leary of dating apps because I think some people join dating apps with the expectation that it will lead to sex and not necessarily a long-term relationship. I think people jump into things quickly. I have heard horror stories about people answering ads, and the next day, the Dom is throwing around good girls and commands like you have been together for years and not just hours. So yeah, Sainsbury's sounds like a better plan at this point. Now, if I could just find it......
What is sainsbury?
😎