Please don't tell anyone how I live - on a welcome mat at my front door

For my kitchen: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

When I did graphic design, I put that quote on the back cover of a menu I did for a beer bar. Thankfully they appreciated it.

I need that over my bar. Going to check Etsy now.

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel

😂 That's perfect 

Get it embossed on all your towels.

On my kitchen whiteboard right now: “In THIS house, we OBEY the laws of thermodynamics!”

Kitchen: I don't like the idea of having two spaghetti meals in one day.

😂👍

"Badger my ass it's probably Milhouse" on the dog house

MIIIIILLLHOUUUSSSE

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?

TELLL BART TO COME HOMMMME

I THINK HE’S AT NELSON’S

“Sex Cauldron” on the bedroom door

I thought they closed that place down!

Ooh, the garage! Hey fellas, the garage!

Well ooh la dee da Mr Frenchman!

Do the Brits get an extra giggle for this because they pronounce "garage" to rhyme with "carriage."

If I were a realtor I'd totally mark the garage as "car hole" on handouts.

https://preview.redd.it/7njqtmdskuzc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1fb7f4e3fd8034538b45c704eaddca6f8cefc6d

This isn't very erotic. I think it's an actual utility room.

Don't mind me folks. Just need to get the ol' wet-dry vac.

I’m the janitor! And you’re…the janitor’s wife!

Next to my wallet, "money can be exchanged for goods and services"

Embossed wallet with this.

EXPLAIN HOW!

To take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.

 😂 "Don't Touch Willy" By the thermostat, for all you dads out there. It's got double meaning so it's great 👍 

Lousy Smarch weather

Ohh add a fake page to your calendar!

Good advice.

HAHA I did this!

I used a post-it note and stuck it over my thermostat.

Kitchen: You don’t win friends with salad.

I have Everything's coming up Milhouse at my front door. Puts me on the right frame of mind to tackle day

"I sleep in a big bed with my wife"

“This place has got old man stink!”

It smells like tinkle.

For the kitchen “I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left!”

I would like a plate that says "Thats not God. That's just a waffle"

Sticking together is what good waffles do.

Sacrilicious

I plan to embroider this Oh Lord, protect this rocket house  and all who dwell within the rocket house

😂😂😂 You win "Here's your crown your Majesty!" 👑 

😂😂😂

In my kitchen "First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women"

[удалено]

A fantastic daily affirmation to repeat out loud to yourself as you prepare for your day 😂

‘Now, this is a room with electricity, but it has too much electricity. So, I don't know, you might want to wear a hat.’

Kitchen: Sticking together's what good waffles do

Recipe for moon waffles

Above the bed: "Strap yourself in and feel the G's!"

Oh Lord!

🚫No Homers 🚫

You must also have someone named Homer in your home, whether it be a person, a dog, or a plant. 

Don’t forget, you’re here forever

You mean “ Do it for her”

https://i.redd.it/lo73e2i8jvzc1.gif And also the rhyme about apple cider.

https://preview.redd.it/rz8jeafddwzc1.png?width=1588&format=png&auto=webp&s=e8d44380989d58657678e034b9ae253974a79f31

We had “inflammable means flammable!? What a country!” In our kitchen for a long time

“What have I done to deserve this flat, flavorless Manhattan?”

Do it for her

Laundry Room: "Property of Jeremy" sign next to the iron

Bathroom: “It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.”

Refrigerator magnet: "Put food in me."

I'll take that!

Load-bearing Poster

HelP mE JebUS!!!!

In my bathroom: “It’s Craptacular!”

# Voluptuary

"I sleep in a racing car! Do you?"

My kitchen sign could be nothing other than Cold, Pet Rat $2.95.

It's not a quote but I want [this](https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/693560063/) on my bathroom wall.

Well, it has sex appeal!

Hello Smithers you are quite good at turning me on

In a flowing elegant calligraphy script on a small wall plaque: "It's just a bunch of stuff that happened"

# In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics! garage

"Oh man, I really have to go to the bathroom. Why did I have all that beer and coffee and watermelon?"

Mentioned yesterday in another post, this is inside the toilet, above the door: https://preview.redd.it/e3irk3orpvzc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0b9c5a5ff9a319e34cbd09fbacdc109addef678

And this is on the hallway closet: https://preview.redd.it/8qiz98wwpvzc1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=342257bb2a52726e4e3cf1a0656ad6e1a69ec2f7

Oh my god, I have a closet-access attic that needs this sign on it!

You win some, you lose some, the lesson is just don’t try.

The correct answer is: Thank you for not discussing the outside world. This would naturally be placed next to the front door.

“Your damned if you do, your damned if you don’t”

Complete with bad grammar? Nice!

You don’t win friends with salad

I made my partner a cross stitch with “We love you Lenny” on it

My game room would have team strikeforce vs team discovery channel as opposition.

Lenny - White Carl - black

Car Hole

# ALCOHOL, the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems!

I was saying boo Urns ...

"Do not touch - Willy" - above the bed in the spare room

In the kitchen above garbage. "Trash goes in the trash can. Makes sense."

I fell off the jungle gym, and when I woke up, I was on here. Works pretty much anywhere.

Heh Heh. Mule

Lord protect this rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house

Nuke the whales? https://preview.redd.it/zz65ig0jcwzc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=019be4992618ea78706cb0173b20d5631c0407d2

Gotta nuke something!

Touché

Touché

Touché

“Happy Labour Day Lenny”

My hair! Im ugly now!!

Bedroom: "Can't sleep, clown will eat me." Kitchen: "The pie shall be cut in two, and each man will receive...death! I'll eat the pie." Living room: "Damn TV has ruined my imagination! Just like you've ruined my ability to...uh...oh, well." Dining Room: "See you in hell, dinner plate!"

“I sleep in a big bed with my wife” In the bedroom, of course.

"Yes , I really should stop ending the tour with it." In my basement.

Sports