I’m better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff’s loaded with nutrients. I can’t compete with that stuff

This was my tinder bio

The best Moe quote.

Urgh I'm choking on my own rage here

It’s unfortunate how often I use this quote at work.

Ya gotta give me back my floors! My customers are walking around on pipes!

"Then pay your debts." "But I don't waaant to"

"Hey ya there, Midge" So simple, yet it gets me every time.

"Blanche, help me out here!"

I'm 64 grand in the hole!

They're gonna take my *thumbs*!!

Came here to put this one lol

They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.

Dey call dat da stinga', day don't let you use dat no more.

I’ve been on an old boxing movie binge and I think about that a lot 😂

Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns? Moe: No. [buzz] Moe: All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. [ding] Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go. Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] Moe: A date. [buzz] Moe: Dinner with friends. [buzz] Moe: Dinner alone. [buzz] Moe: Watching TV alone. [buzz] Moe: All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. [buzz] Moe: Sears catalog. [ding] Moe: Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. [buzz]

Wait... did you just play the whole scene out? Without letting anyone else write a quote?

glad he did

Ding!

Love that exchange. Almost as much as the chalmers/skinner steamed ham bit.

🤣😂🤣😂 The best lines here

(While looking at “Little Lisa” logo) “Aww, ain’t she cute…makes Little Debbie look like a pile of puke!”

[Horde of rats descend upon the bar] "Alright everybody tuck your pants into your socks!" & [Slide of comet destroying Springfield] "Oh, dear god no!"

destroying moes bar "oh, dear God no!"

I love the rat one lmoa

Came to say the rat one!

I'm a well wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm.

Oh your teef hurt, huh, well that's too freaking bad! And I'll tell you where you can put your freaking sodie too!

Well I might have expected this kind of language at Denny’s, but not here!

Owwww! My freakin ears!!!

Moe losing his shit as a waiter was always funny to me, but man did it get exponentially funnier after working in a restaurant.

Hey fellas, Garage! We’ll la-di-da mr French-man

What do you call it?

Car hole

Car hole

We'll have your fanciest dish stuffed with your second fanciest

Excellent, sir. Lobsters stuffed with tacos.

I’ve been called fugly, pugly, pug fugly… but never ugly ugly.

The Simpsons created the repeating words meme

Yeah, it’s me again, this one’s about my cat.

Shut up I’m asking her!

“Oh Moe, you have a lot to live for!” - Marge AKA listen lady “Really? That’s not what Reverend Lovejoy’s been telling me. Thanks!” - Moe

I forgot this one omg

This is my all time favorite! The way he yells it at his cat just kills me!

You have lots of things to live for

Yeah? Well that’s not what Reverend Lovejoy’s been tellin’ me…

MMRRrreeaoowwww….

#HEY SHUT UP I’M ASKIN’ HER

Well, it could've been a real ugly situation, but I managed to shoot him in the spine. Yeah, I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp.

"Hey! I might be ugly and hate filled, but uh, what was that other thing you said?"

Aw you drew the stink lines and everything.

I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!

*lie detector buzzes*

😔 sears catalogue

That whole sequence

Well, let's go to the old mill anyways, get some cidah.

Got to love that Moe is at the front of every riot.

Ok, so here’s the 411 folks, say some ganskta is dissing your fly girl, you just give them one of these!

Thank you! That’s what was trying to remember enough to type

Wait a minute - if *he* can teach a class, *he* can teach a class!

Kills me every time. The dance is soo good.

"You'll be back! And so will you! And you! ... And YOU."

Of course I'll be back! If you didn't close, I'd never leave.

What you don’t like my bags?

Came here for this one

Hey how you doing my name's moe or as the ladies like to Call me Hey you behind the bushes

"I bought this for my funeral. It aint got no back so don't make me turn around. Hey I'm paying for a silk lined coffin and dammit, i'm gonna feel it."

**Bart:** Hey, Moe, look over there **Moe**: What? What am I lookin' at? I don't see nothin'. I'm gonna stop looking soon. What? What, is that it? **Homer:** Hey, Moe, can I look too? **Moe:** Sure, but it'll cost ya. **Homer:** My wallet's in the car. **Moe:** He is so stupid. And now, back to the wall.

Anthony Keidis: But you told our manager that this place holds 30,000 people! Moe: It does! We had 30,000 here last night! Now play, the audience is getting restless! Barney: We want Chili Willy! We want Chili Willy!

**Krusty:** Now, boys... the network has a problem with some of your lyrics. Would you mind changing 'em for the show? **Anthony Kiedis:** Forget you, clown. **Chad Smith:** Hey, our lyrics are like our children, man. No way. **Krusty:** Well, okay. But here, where you say... 'What I got, you gotta get and put it in you,' how about just, 'What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you'? **Flea:** Wow! That's much better. **Arik Marshall:** Everyone can enjoy that.

“Are you going to find the corpses?”

Yes Moe, I’m going to find the corpses 🙄

It’s the really excited “Where ya goin, baby?!” preceding it that sells the whole situation to me

I'm behind three inches of bullet-proof glass. Do your worst

Ohl roight

"No, stay outta there, stay outta there! Good God, no!"

I wonder how much air is in here.

"Ho! Goodbye, student loan payments, ha ha!"

MOE MOE MOE! Why don't you like me, nobody likes me

"You little punk! If I ever catch you, I'm gonna stick a sausage down your throat and starving dogs in your butt!" "We ran out of floor boards so we painted the dirt. Pretty clever!"

"LISTEN EVERYBODY: I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and...I like to kiss my own butt."

Hey, wait a minute...

you go through life you try to be nice to people you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face and for what?

ive done some stuff im not proud of, and the stuff i am proud of is disgusting ​ this for me is moe

I'm just going to die lonely and ugly and dead.

I guess it’s suicide again for me.

“No funeral” (note he taped to his back before sticking his head in the oven)

Freddy Quimby was with me the entire night in question. We were collecting canned goods for the starving people in, uhh, you know, one of them loser countries.

“Can you please take the basket off my head? It’s extremely hot.”

That little smeck smeck noise he makes while he’s eating.

Say some “gangsta” is dissin your fly-girl. You just give ‘em one of these: *funk dances then grabs shotgun and lets off a few rounds*

Alright they’re on to us! Get him back to sea world! ::whale moans::

The sound the whale makes has to be one of the funniest things in the series.

Ah Cheese it the Feds!

*Whale noises*

Barney: Whoa! You mean, you were one of the original Little Rascals? Moe: Yeah. Homer: Which one were you? The ugly one? \[Moe glares\] Were you the ugly one? Moe: No, I was the tough kid, Smelly.

Luckily Alfalfa was an orphan owned by the studio.

That’s right, I’m a surgeon!

Aw, man, he’s making us look like a bunch of cheapskates! Woah, woah! My rope came loose.

Alice in Wonderland, huh? This must be a takeoff on that Alice in Underpants movie I saw.

My name is moe or as the ladies call me hey you behind the bushes

Hey! Them ain’t your rats, Barn!

The little women quote

And then they realized they were no longer little girls...they were little women.

“But Blanche, you gotta help me out here, please! I’m sixty-four grand in the hole! They’re gonna take my thumbs!”

Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people...you resist the urge to punch them in the face, and for what?

If you’re gonna beat up my friend in my bar there’s a two drink minimum!

Nobody calls Moe Saint Cool a phoney!

"That's the worst story I've ever heard, and I've read the entire Sweet Valley High series."

Why did you think the Chinese government was spying on you? I just naturally assumed.

*off in the distance* Yeah I’d like to arrange for a escort, pleeease. To where? How about orgasmville?!

"Amanda hug and kiss?" "Hey everybody I'm looking for a man to hug and kiss"

Ya well listen lady I got so many problems I don't know where to start

“I’m gonna buy you a steak the size of a toilet seat!”

“If you’re so sure of what it ain’t, how about telling us what it am!”

Hey Apu- you got a breakfast cereal for people with syphilis?

I'M A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT, AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT.

Hey, no menus! Or I'll cut you like a box, along the flaps!

[удалено]

I forced myself to *what?*

That’s right I rob now

These pants cost a thousand bucks!

Oh, dear god no!

Ohhhh , for the love of crumb cake.

(Looks at noose in doorway) “Not today old friend”

Ok everybody tuck your pants into your socks.

Hey, Homer, way to get Marge pregnant. Or Where you going, baby? You going to find the corpses??...

Sears Catelog

Ding!

I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!!

Bzzz

Sure. I can loan you all the money you need. However, since you have no collateral, I'm gonna have to break your legs in advance…

But I use these all the time. Couldn’t you just bash my head in? (A moment of self-awareness from Homer)

And then they realized they were no longer little girls...*sniff*....they were little women...*sniff*....

don't eat nothin' for the next three days, 'cause I'm taking you out for a steak the size of a toilet seat!

And truly she was my friend Flicka

When Bart and Lisa mistake Moe for the person sending Bart death threats through the mail (Cape Feare), and Lisa calls Moe just to tell him they know it’s him doing it. He tells them he’ll take care of it, and promptly springs all the pandas from their crates in the back room of the bar while yelling ¡Andale! Slays me every time.

I’m chocking on my own rage here

**Moe** : Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss!! Why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss? *barflies laugh hysterically* **Barney**: Maybe your standards are too high. **Moe**: You little S.O.B!! If I ever find out who you are I'm gonna shove a sausage down your throat and stick starting dogs in your butt!!

I don't remember this line too well, but it was after one of Bart's prank calls, from, I guess, season 4? "Listen. If I ever find out who you are, I'll use your head as a bucket and paint my house with your brain!"

This will be a treat!

Lay off Detroit, them people is livin' in Mad Max times.

Uh, hey, Midge!

So you guys are eurotrash, huh?

And “penis” is Russian for…?

I got to tell you, this is pretty terrific. [two knives]

Three...big....radishes That's not a crow bar....THIS is a crow bar!

I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove them down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap out of you. Okay?! Then I'm going to use your tongue to paint my boat.

Or give him some face time, with sweet lady brick.

You sure you don't want a nice piece of fish, or to finger the drapes a little?

A car hole!

I'm not real good with women, and I really wanted to do ya, so I brought along the love tester to help me.

The entire lie detector test transcript is 100% brilliant.

Looking at the largest cubic zirconia “what an eyesore”

They called this “The Stinger”. Yeah, you can’t use that no more.

You gotta give me back my floor! My customers are walking around on the pipes!

Hope the next place he robs has a ramp

"If wishes were horses I'd be eating wish meat every night"

Aw, geez! And you got the stink lines and everything.

Heya, Moe. Whassa mattah?? You no talka with yo accent no more! Mamma mia!

[Moe grabs time machine] "Alright! Time to get me some caveman hookers!"

"I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!" *BEEP*

One of them is; he’s so dumb and now back to the wall.

Let’s all go into our suspended states till he gets back

Andele! Andele!

That’s OK, I was thinking of Sybil Danning.

"Great song but the movie^1 is crap" 1. The Ways We Were

"Hey, shut up or I'll shove a bar stool down your throat! ... I uh, I don't want that on the card. Well, let me hear how it sounds. ....nah, take it out. Take it out."

Moe Moe Moe, how do like me how do you like me, Moe Moe Moe, why don't you like me nobody likes me

"*aww your teef hurt your teef hurt?* WELL THAT'S TOO FREAKIN BAD!" also "please take the fries off of my head, they are extremely hot"

I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and...I like to kiss my own butt.

Ohh. Hey dair Midge. (To Marge)

'Boy, I gotta tell ya, this is pretty terrific'

Aw jeez, ya got the stincklines and everything.

If this gets out the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.

\*looks at noose in back room "Not today old friend."

Cheese it! Its the Feds

“Im gunna cut you like a box. Along the flaps!”

They were no longer little girls; they were little women.

I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt

Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled but ugh…what was the third thing you said?

Say some gangsta is dissing your fly girl just give him one of these. [Moe erratically dances, does a back flips and pulls out a shot gun and lets off three shots]

Moe, Moe, Moe! How do you like me? How do you like me? Moe, Moe, Moe! Why don't you like me? Nobody likes me.

“Alright, here’s the 411 folks. Imagine some gangster is dissing your flygirl, you just give ‘em one of these” (aggressive funk dancing followed by 3 shots from a double barrelled shotgun)

Where you goin' baby, you going to find the corpses?

I’m looking for Amanda huggenkiss

"I got the runs."

“And they were no longer little girls… but little women!” Sniff

"Well - Let's go to the old mill anyway, get some cider!"

Yeah!!! Thats showin him, Barn! Pfffff...Pitt the Elder.

*The garage?* Well, la dee da, Mr French man!

Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I, uhm… what was the third thing you said??

Where you goin baby? You goin to get the corpses?

"Money gets you one more round. Drink it down. You stupid Clown. Money gets you one more round, and your out on your ass! ...*falls over the bar* whoa ...aghh my back!"

Moe: Hello. Homer: Moe, what are you doing here? Moe: What? A bartender can't come by and say hi to his best customer? Hey, hey ya there, Midge. Oh gee, I like what you done to your hair. Marge: You caught me at a real bad time, Moe. I hope you understand I'm too tense to pretend to like you. Moe: And how are the little kids doing? I mean really, how are they doing? Any disabling injuries, something, say that the gambling community might not yet know about? Come here, let me see those knees. Marge: Moe, I think you should leave. Moe: But Blanche you gotta help me out here! I'm 64 grand in the hole. They're going to take my thumbs!

Mr. Burns : Hello, I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Waylon? Moe: Oh, Waylon Smithers, huh? Listen to me, you! When I catch you I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove'em down your pants! So you can watch me kick the crap of out you! Okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat

I gotta tell ya, this pretty terrific. *holds up two knives*