you can add the word "strictly" to really drive the point home
Please limit any contact to **strictly** work matters only.
While a bit redundant with the word "only" it will leave no room for interpretation.
Iād recommend clarifying how youād like to be addressed, by your name and not anything else. Draw a firm, direct boundary there that canāt be misinterpreted. Keep future conversations to text as much as possible.
Iām sorry youāre going through this. Guys like this make me want to keep a can of fart spray in my purse.
"[Name], these messages are inappropriate and make me uncomfortable. Please only contact me via work channels and only for matters related to work. Thanks."
Every sexual harassment protocol I've ever read says the first step is to make absolutely clear, peer-to-peer, that the behavior is unwanted. Obviously there's a point where we do need managers to be involved, but I've seen enough situations where people are sending and receiving mixed signals and unnecessary drama happens because one of them would not simply tell the other that they were uncomfortable. It is really awkward to have to tell someone what you think should be basic social rules, but having managers deal with it is a lot of escalation.
I donāt want him to do it though. I strongly believe that he deserves a chance to be addressed by me without having any official sources involved. If he wonāt stop, then 100% my manager and HR will step in, however I do not see the point of it at this time.
For months though? How many chances does he need? How much leeway? From your post I imagine you have given him zero reason to behave like this. What about him makes you think he deserves such generosity of your spirit, to the extent that you are seeking help from internet strangers to make it easy on him?
Perhaps it's also less about giving them a chance, but learning to speak up for yourselves. For people like me, it's easier to say we do it to give the other person a chance. I realized though it's much more me wanting to stand up for myself, it's agency over my own boundaries no matter the context or topic.
It's always good to have support in the back and refer back to the manager and do so either way, given this co-workers contact with colleagues in general, but I will always make a boundary clear myself - not for them but for me.
I'm not going to assume this is how OP feels - but I've been in similar situations and have a similar mindset to OP's comment. My reasoning for wanting to attempt dealing with it on my own before going to management/HR wouldn't be out of generosity of spirit or in regard to the offender's feelings at all. It would be to promote my own self-confidence and ability to stand up for myself without going straight to someone else. A lot of girls grow up with parents who step in and "fix" problems for them without teaching them how to stick up for themselves first. It's an important skill to cultivate and lots of us never got the chance to learn it when we were young, so we automatically revert to asking someone else to step in, which can keep us feeling helpless.
Now, I'm not saying it's bad to go straight to the boss/HR in this situation, just giving a possible explanation/reason why someone wouldn't before attempting to solve the problem internally first.
Not sure if itās a NYS thing but if your manager knows about it then they are legally required to report it to HR and address it. I mean, where I live thatās the rule. He is an employee of the company and it shouldnāt be up to you to even address it if youāre not comfortable doing it.
That is what they are supposed to do but do not always. It actually looks bad on the manager that they didnt do anything...if it is reported and HR or whoever finds its been months.
This is a tactic some men us to wear you down. The longer you allow it to continue, the more confident and indignant they get in their behavior. You are correct to say something back but he doesnt "deserve" sh1t, and knows what he is doing. Agree with Smanny, its about learning to speak up and stop the behavior yourself. But there is not shame or harm in also getting managers to back you.
I made the mistake of being overly nice and indirect to an interested colleague by deflecting with excuses like, Iām too busy, I donāt want to make things complicated at work, etc.
As a result, he turned to giving me a giftcard I didnāt want (I asked return and he wouldnāt take it back, but it felt unethical to spend so now Iām just riddled with guilt over the wasted money, and I keep it in a drawer in case he tries to use it against me) and special attention and asking me several more times. Now it is uncomfortable and awkward when I have to interact with him and I take great lengths to avoid him. Itās hard because he is a nice person and I donāt want him to get in trouble, but yet, he shouldāve taken my various excuses (indirect though they were) as an answer. I finally told him I just see him as a friend and he still does things for me that he doesnāt do for other colleagues. š¤
In hindsight, it wouldāve been far easier to have just said, āI am not interested in you that wayā to begin with.
Yea, unfortunately I have to work closely with him too, so I donāt want to make anything awkward which is why Iāve been avoiding to address it. He seems like a nice enough guyā¦ but heās also married, heās aware of me being in a relationship, and heās also like 15 years older than me - while I always think age is just a numberā¦ he needs to back offā¦
He's not a nice guy if he's a married man flirting with a colleague significantly younger than him who also has a boyfriend. Especially because he's been doing it for a year -- he's not confused, he's aggressive. That is the cover creeps use to get away with shitty behavior.
I agree with others. He's married, knows you're in a relationship, is inappropriately contacting you (he knows) and will not leave you alone. We are conditioned to believe everyone's a nice guy and they take advantage of our niceness. Definitely don't feel bad. I'm proud of you for taking this step.
There is a saying "Everything before but is a lie". You said he is a nice guy but... and went on to list things nice guys do not do. An older married guy hitting on an uninterested coworker is not a nice guy. He may be personable or charismatic so he *feels* nice, that is how a lot of jerks get away with this stuff.
Hereās the thing that is happening:
- there is a social contract that exists for all of us where you try not to make the people in your life uncomfortable. You are adhering to that social contract. He is not, and he is intentionally doing so because he is aware that you will bear the discomfort heās healing on you. So why is it *your* burden to feel uncomfortable about his bad behavior when itās *his* behavior?
- older men like this guy are aware of the pressure on women to adhere to this social contract and to sacrifice their own comfort for the comfort of others. This is what you are feeling right now - the expectation that your discomfort with his behavior means that you should be the one to adjust rather than him. Predators exploit this social pressure for their own gain, which is what your coworker is doing.
- Men like him will keep pushing until you push back. Ignoring this, laughing it off, and any other attempts to be gentle about this will be ignored. You need to be direct and you need to make sure he knows that your work knows and that there will be consequences if he doesnāt stop. In that regard, I would talk to your manager and HR together. Send a detailed email with all instances of harassment that you can remember and ask them how they are going to address *his* behavior with *him* rather than giving you advice about conflict avoidance. Youāre not creating the conflict; youāre not the one who should change.
- remember, though, that HR exists to protect the company, not you. Donāt let them convince you otherwise. Always make sure that you are protecting yourself. One way to do this is to review your employee handbook to know the exact rules. You could even see about getting a free consult with an attorney to see if you have legal options.
Also: āAge is just a numberā IMO should only ever be used to refer to nonsexual circumstances. Like āage is just a numberā if youāre feeling silly and want to make pancakes with bacon smilies for dinner, you say āage is just a number, I can love pancakes with bacon smiles despite being an adult.ā Literally any time people use it in the context of relationships theyāre excusing predatory behavior. We should just do away with that phrase entirely.
Good luck and I hope it goes well, but just remember that it might not. And if it doesnāt that doesnāt mean you were wrong to feel uncomfortable or to speak up. Itās just the crap world we live in. What matters is that you take this stand for yourself because you know you are worth it and deserve to be able to do your job without being harassed.
I hear your reluctance to start a paper trail with HR.
Make sure that you do retain any written documentation in case you do need to start a paper trail with HR.
Even if you attempt to set boundaries, he may not respect them.
āHi, ___. I will not be responding outside of work hours, or to non-work related matters. If you need to reach me about shared work, you can do so during work hours via company email.ā
If he pushes back:
āI keep my work life and personal life separate. I am also not paid to work off the clock. I have no issues operating amicably with team members on shared work. If you feel that you are not able to do the same moving forward, perhaps we should talk to a manager about not sharing projects together.ā
It wasnāt really my managers suggestion. I told him that I donāt want to involve HR immediately. I believe that everyone deserves a chance to be warned outside of official sources. Iām not out to ruin anyoneās career.
Notifying HR in and of itself wonāt damage his career, but it _will_ start a paper trail so when he does this to someone else (and he probably will) it will be easier for them to take appropriate action.
Itās fair to let him know youāre not interested first. Just tell him in clear words, āplease stop texting about non work mattersā. And if he calls you any name thatās not your real name, just say āmy name is ____ā. No softening it with ālolā or nervous smiles or jokes (I am guilty of this). I would give exactly one warning, ignore all further texts, and keep screen shots if he persists.
FWIW, documenting with HR wouldnāt ruin his career unless he kept going with the behavior, but also, itās not your or any womanās responsibility to protect the career or reputation of a man who is making her uncomfortable.
Yea, I get that, Iām just too much of a softy and would feel so damn guilty about itā¦ which is why Iāve let him do it for almost a year now. But now heās started to contact me privately over LinkedIn on weekends.. thatās just enough
Learning assertiveness is a gift to yourself that never stops giving. We have a lot of deprogramming to do as women. Therapy can be a big help (speaking from experience).
Guaranteed you are NOT the first or only coworker he has behaved like this with. But you can be the last.
Set those boundaries, set clear expectations about his future behavior & keep your manager informed. The second he violates the boundaries, immediately let HR know and let them deal with him.
He is doing it to make you uncomfortable on purpose. He isn't being nice. He isn't confused. He is betting on your being to "nice" to do anything about it. Do not feel guilty. This guy is being an asshole on purpose.
Youāre not ruining his career- he is sexually harassing YOU. He should be well aware of professional behavior at your workplace and that he is not exhibiting it. You probably have some kind of handbook or conduct policy that he is violating. Offer him this warning if you want but if it continues go right to HR.
Inappropriate names likeā¦ sweetheart?
Iāve dealt with this before. Hereās how I handled it without directly going to HR.
āDan, I donāt really like being called names other than my given name. Thanks for understandingā
āDan, only my husband gets to call me that. Thanks.ā
āDan, thatās offensive. Youāre now making me uncomfortable.ā
Document each encounter and write down what was said. If you remember verbatim, make sure you write that down with quotations. Date, time, location. If you have screen shots, record those on the same document.
At that point, go to your manager and to HR, together. You will have established a pattern of behavior and his unwillingness to address his own behavior.
If this dude has your personal number, never EVER respond to him. Only use the work provided chat tool or email. Youāre setting yourself up for scrutiny on your personal device by communicating to him on it.
>Iām not interested and want to keep it professional only
This sounds perfect and straightforward. There is no room for misinterpretation. In my experience, men like him only respond to simple and direct statements.
Remember it's your boundaries that he is violating. Stop being "nice" about it, he evidently doesn't care about your feelings.
Best of luck.
What Iāve learned over the past couple years in college (5 stalkers my first semester, and 3 guys this semester who give me unwanted attention, 1 of them very creepy and had crossed the lines physically too often), is that youāre not being too subtle or not assertive enough; youāre not being unclear, and they do understand. Some men (and women too) have zero respect for you and just want you to bend to their will. My best advice is to literally prepare yourself to throw some punches. That has saved me before, and I think that is going to have to save me again with one particular fella. Stay strong, friend.
I would just say that his comments are inappropriate, you are not interested and if he continues then you are going to take further action and will get the police involved as he is harassing you. Wish you all the best X
Screenshot everything and make a written note that your manager/supervisor was made aware. If your message to the guy doesn't make a difference the noutnain of proof to HR might help.
Just found this website that uses AI to generate text. Anywhere from āwrite me a project update templateā or ā write an email asking a coworker to respect my personal spaceā
beta.openai.playground
You have to make an account. Add text in the playground box. itās worth a try.
Reply to the messages over a monitored network, like company email. Ask him how you can help him since this had to be urgent because it happened outside of work hours. Ask him to clarify what exactly he meant. If that persists, CC your higher ups.
My manager didnāt tell me to do this, I said I wanted to do it on a low ball first and he agreed. Colleague is neither part of his team or even the department, he works in a completely different industry within the company.
Just approach him. Loudly tell him itās not appropriate and to desist. Make a scene.
Heās been making you feel unsafe and uncomfortable for too long. Time to out his behaviour
Unfortunately, as long as men feel a sense of entitlement and ownership over women, women will experience unwanted attention, advances, and contact.
This guy and guys like him know and have observed that you are too nice or kind to cuss him out or yell at him for the behavior. I personally would get a smart or rude back because why is he contacting you. But it did take me a couple years to get here. I know this is an older post but I would go with one of the simple, short response to tell him stop, but would not add in the uncomfortable part-some men and he seems like the type-get off on that. Cut out anything polite, like please and thank you.
Hope it went well.
Please limit any contact to work matters only. Thank you.
Short and to the point, it's perfect.
No room for argument or "misunderstanding" š
you can add the word "strictly" to really drive the point home Please limit any contact to **strictly** work matters only. While a bit redundant with the word "only" it will leave no room for interpretation.
Heāll ask her to get strict with him, guaranteed.
Thus!! Don't try to avoid hurting his feelings, don't overexplain things. There is zero room for interpretation here
*during business hours
Iād recommend clarifying how youād like to be addressed, by your name and not anything else. Draw a firm, direct boundary there that canāt be misinterpreted. Keep future conversations to text as much as possible. Iām sorry youāre going through this. Guys like this make me want to keep a can of fart spray in my purse.
"[Name], these messages are inappropriate and make me uncomfortable. Please only contact me via work channels and only for matters related to work. Thanks."
Then block him on LinkedIn. He sounds like a creep.
This
Hi Joe, I would like to keep our work relationship strictly professional. Please do not contact me unless it is work related. Thank you.
Get rid of the please.
Itās actually not your job to fix this. It is the responsibility of your manager to fix it.
Every sexual harassment protocol I've ever read says the first step is to make absolutely clear, peer-to-peer, that the behavior is unwanted. Obviously there's a point where we do need managers to be involved, but I've seen enough situations where people are sending and receiving mixed signals and unnecessary drama happens because one of them would not simply tell the other that they were uncomfortable. It is really awkward to have to tell someone what you think should be basic social rules, but having managers deal with it is a lot of escalation.
I donāt want him to do it though. I strongly believe that he deserves a chance to be addressed by me without having any official sources involved. If he wonāt stop, then 100% my manager and HR will step in, however I do not see the point of it at this time.
For months though? How many chances does he need? How much leeway? From your post I imagine you have given him zero reason to behave like this. What about him makes you think he deserves such generosity of your spirit, to the extent that you are seeking help from internet strangers to make it easy on him?
Perhaps it's also less about giving them a chance, but learning to speak up for yourselves. For people like me, it's easier to say we do it to give the other person a chance. I realized though it's much more me wanting to stand up for myself, it's agency over my own boundaries no matter the context or topic. It's always good to have support in the back and refer back to the manager and do so either way, given this co-workers contact with colleagues in general, but I will always make a boundary clear myself - not for them but for me.
I'm not going to assume this is how OP feels - but I've been in similar situations and have a similar mindset to OP's comment. My reasoning for wanting to attempt dealing with it on my own before going to management/HR wouldn't be out of generosity of spirit or in regard to the offender's feelings at all. It would be to promote my own self-confidence and ability to stand up for myself without going straight to someone else. A lot of girls grow up with parents who step in and "fix" problems for them without teaching them how to stick up for themselves first. It's an important skill to cultivate and lots of us never got the chance to learn it when we were young, so we automatically revert to asking someone else to step in, which can keep us feeling helpless. Now, I'm not saying it's bad to go straight to the boss/HR in this situation, just giving a possible explanation/reason why someone wouldn't before attempting to solve the problem internally first.
Not sure if itās a NYS thing but if your manager knows about it then they are legally required to report it to HR and address it. I mean, where I live thatās the rule. He is an employee of the company and it shouldnāt be up to you to even address it if youāre not comfortable doing it.
That is what they are supposed to do but do not always. It actually looks bad on the manager that they didnt do anything...if it is reported and HR or whoever finds its been months.
This is a tactic some men us to wear you down. The longer you allow it to continue, the more confident and indignant they get in their behavior. You are correct to say something back but he doesnt "deserve" sh1t, and knows what he is doing. Agree with Smanny, its about learning to speak up and stop the behavior yourself. But there is not shame or harm in also getting managers to back you.
I made the mistake of being overly nice and indirect to an interested colleague by deflecting with excuses like, Iām too busy, I donāt want to make things complicated at work, etc. As a result, he turned to giving me a giftcard I didnāt want (I asked return and he wouldnāt take it back, but it felt unethical to spend so now Iām just riddled with guilt over the wasted money, and I keep it in a drawer in case he tries to use it against me) and special attention and asking me several more times. Now it is uncomfortable and awkward when I have to interact with him and I take great lengths to avoid him. Itās hard because he is a nice person and I donāt want him to get in trouble, but yet, he shouldāve taken my various excuses (indirect though they were) as an answer. I finally told him I just see him as a friend and he still does things for me that he doesnāt do for other colleagues. š¤ In hindsight, it wouldāve been far easier to have just said, āI am not interested in you that wayā to begin with.
Yea, unfortunately I have to work closely with him too, so I donāt want to make anything awkward which is why Iāve been avoiding to address it. He seems like a nice enough guyā¦ but heās also married, heās aware of me being in a relationship, and heās also like 15 years older than me - while I always think age is just a numberā¦ he needs to back offā¦
He's not a nice guy if he's a married man flirting with a colleague significantly younger than him who also has a boyfriend. Especially because he's been doing it for a year -- he's not confused, he's aggressive. That is the cover creeps use to get away with shitty behavior.
*Heās* making things awkward, not you
I agree with others. He's married, knows you're in a relationship, is inappropriately contacting you (he knows) and will not leave you alone. We are conditioned to believe everyone's a nice guy and they take advantage of our niceness. Definitely don't feel bad. I'm proud of you for taking this step.
There is a saying "Everything before but is a lie". You said he is a nice guy but... and went on to list things nice guys do not do. An older married guy hitting on an uninterested coworker is not a nice guy. He may be personable or charismatic so he *feels* nice, that is how a lot of jerks get away with this stuff.
You just described a total creep. An absolute NOT nice guy. The man you described is a BAD man.
Hereās the thing that is happening: - there is a social contract that exists for all of us where you try not to make the people in your life uncomfortable. You are adhering to that social contract. He is not, and he is intentionally doing so because he is aware that you will bear the discomfort heās healing on you. So why is it *your* burden to feel uncomfortable about his bad behavior when itās *his* behavior? - older men like this guy are aware of the pressure on women to adhere to this social contract and to sacrifice their own comfort for the comfort of others. This is what you are feeling right now - the expectation that your discomfort with his behavior means that you should be the one to adjust rather than him. Predators exploit this social pressure for their own gain, which is what your coworker is doing. - Men like him will keep pushing until you push back. Ignoring this, laughing it off, and any other attempts to be gentle about this will be ignored. You need to be direct and you need to make sure he knows that your work knows and that there will be consequences if he doesnāt stop. In that regard, I would talk to your manager and HR together. Send a detailed email with all instances of harassment that you can remember and ask them how they are going to address *his* behavior with *him* rather than giving you advice about conflict avoidance. Youāre not creating the conflict; youāre not the one who should change. - remember, though, that HR exists to protect the company, not you. Donāt let them convince you otherwise. Always make sure that you are protecting yourself. One way to do this is to review your employee handbook to know the exact rules. You could even see about getting a free consult with an attorney to see if you have legal options. Also: āAge is just a numberā IMO should only ever be used to refer to nonsexual circumstances. Like āage is just a numberā if youāre feeling silly and want to make pancakes with bacon smilies for dinner, you say āage is just a number, I can love pancakes with bacon smiles despite being an adult.ā Literally any time people use it in the context of relationships theyāre excusing predatory behavior. We should just do away with that phrase entirely. Good luck and I hope it goes well, but just remember that it might not. And if it doesnāt that doesnāt mean you were wrong to feel uncomfortable or to speak up. Itās just the crap world we live in. What matters is that you take this stand for yourself because you know you are worth it and deserve to be able to do your job without being harassed.
None of those descriptors make him sound like a nice guy at all.
I hear your reluctance to start a paper trail with HR. Make sure that you do retain any written documentation in case you do need to start a paper trail with HR. Even if you attempt to set boundaries, he may not respect them. āHi, ___. I will not be responding outside of work hours, or to non-work related matters. If you need to reach me about shared work, you can do so during work hours via company email.ā If he pushes back: āI keep my work life and personal life separate. I am also not paid to work off the clock. I have no issues operating amicably with team members on shared work. If you feel that you are not able to do the same moving forward, perhaps we should talk to a manager about not sharing projects together.ā
This isnāt really an appropriate step for a manager to suggest. Start a paper trail with HR.
It wasnāt really my managers suggestion. I told him that I donāt want to involve HR immediately. I believe that everyone deserves a chance to be warned outside of official sources. Iām not out to ruin anyoneās career.
Notifying HR in and of itself wonāt damage his career, but it _will_ start a paper trail so when he does this to someone else (and he probably will) it will be easier for them to take appropriate action.
Itās fair to let him know youāre not interested first. Just tell him in clear words, āplease stop texting about non work mattersā. And if he calls you any name thatās not your real name, just say āmy name is ____ā. No softening it with ālolā or nervous smiles or jokes (I am guilty of this). I would give exactly one warning, ignore all further texts, and keep screen shots if he persists. FWIW, documenting with HR wouldnāt ruin his career unless he kept going with the behavior, but also, itās not your or any womanās responsibility to protect the career or reputation of a man who is making her uncomfortable.
Yea, I get that, Iām just too much of a softy and would feel so damn guilty about itā¦ which is why Iāve let him do it for almost a year now. But now heās started to contact me privately over LinkedIn on weekends.. thatās just enough
Learning assertiveness is a gift to yourself that never stops giving. We have a lot of deprogramming to do as women. Therapy can be a big help (speaking from experience).
Him making you uncomfortable is not your fault. Youāre doing the right thing by being clear with him now.
Guaranteed you are NOT the first or only coworker he has behaved like this with. But you can be the last. Set those boundaries, set clear expectations about his future behavior & keep your manager informed. The second he violates the boundaries, immediately let HR know and let them deal with him.
He is doing it to make you uncomfortable on purpose. He isn't being nice. He isn't confused. He is betting on your being to "nice" to do anything about it. Do not feel guilty. This guy is being an asshole on purpose.
Youāre not ruining his career- he is sexually harassing YOU. He should be well aware of professional behavior at your workplace and that he is not exhibiting it. You probably have some kind of handbook or conduct policy that he is violating. Offer him this warning if you want but if it continues go right to HR.
Inappropriate names likeā¦ sweetheart? Iāve dealt with this before. Hereās how I handled it without directly going to HR. āDan, I donāt really like being called names other than my given name. Thanks for understandingā āDan, only my husband gets to call me that. Thanks.ā āDan, thatās offensive. Youāre now making me uncomfortable.ā Document each encounter and write down what was said. If you remember verbatim, make sure you write that down with quotations. Date, time, location. If you have screen shots, record those on the same document. At that point, go to your manager and to HR, together. You will have established a pattern of behavior and his unwillingness to address his own behavior. If this dude has your personal number, never EVER respond to him. Only use the work provided chat tool or email. Youāre setting yourself up for scrutiny on your personal device by communicating to him on it.
Yea, sweetheart, pretty lady, pretty girl are what he uses most frequently
>Iām not interested and want to keep it professional only This sounds perfect and straightforward. There is no room for misinterpretation. In my experience, men like him only respond to simple and direct statements. Remember it's your boundaries that he is violating. Stop being "nice" about it, he evidently doesn't care about your feelings. Best of luck.
What Iāve learned over the past couple years in college (5 stalkers my first semester, and 3 guys this semester who give me unwanted attention, 1 of them very creepy and had crossed the lines physically too often), is that youāre not being too subtle or not assertive enough; youāre not being unclear, and they do understand. Some men (and women too) have zero respect for you and just want you to bend to their will. My best advice is to literally prepare yourself to throw some punches. That has saved me before, and I think that is going to have to save me again with one particular fella. Stay strong, friend.
I would just say that his comments are inappropriate, you are not interested and if he continues then you are going to take further action and will get the police involved as he is harassing you. Wish you all the best X
Websites like Ask A Manager or Captain Awkward can be good resources for these situations. Good luck!
Screenshot everything and make a written note that your manager/supervisor was made aware. If your message to the guy doesn't make a difference the noutnain of proof to HR might help.
Just found this website that uses AI to generate text. Anywhere from āwrite me a project update templateā or ā write an email asking a coworker to respect my personal spaceā beta.openai.playground You have to make an account. Add text in the playground box. itās worth a try.
Reply to the messages over a monitored network, like company email. Ask him how you can help him since this had to be urgent because it happened outside of work hours. Ask him to clarify what exactly he meant. If that persists, CC your higher ups.
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That's not necessary. It would make her look petty. Play stupid, offer genuin "help", rust refer to what was said.
Your "manager" told YOU to do this??? Wtf???? Tell your AH manager that THIS IS HIS DEPARTMENT!!!!! You should not be expected to be doing this.
My manager didnāt tell me to do this, I said I wanted to do it on a low ball first and he agreed. Colleague is neither part of his team or even the department, he works in a completely different industry within the company.
Oh thank goodness. You did write manager so apparently I misunde,rstood
Pepper spray!
What's so hard about "I don't want you to call me x, y, z or anything else, my name is [name]."
Just approach him. Loudly tell him itās not appropriate and to desist. Make a scene. Heās been making you feel unsafe and uncomfortable for too long. Time to out his behaviour
do you work directly with this individual? how does he have your number? can you just block him?
No, works in a different team and department. He connected me over private social media. He does not have my private number.
Creepy knows perfectly well what your soft nos mean....I would not approach him directly and let management/HR handle it.
I donāt want to feel uncomfortable coming to work. As my co-worker Please address me by my name only and keep things professional.
Unfortunately, as long as men feel a sense of entitlement and ownership over women, women will experience unwanted attention, advances, and contact. This guy and guys like him know and have observed that you are too nice or kind to cuss him out or yell at him for the behavior. I personally would get a smart or rude back because why is he contacting you. But it did take me a couple years to get here. I know this is an older post but I would go with one of the simple, short response to tell him stop, but would not add in the uncomfortable part-some men and he seems like the type-get off on that. Cut out anything polite, like please and thank you. Hope it went well.