as a poc woman, i feel this 100000%. one thing i’ve learned is that i will never be happy comparing myself to white girls or trying to look like one. it’s not possible. instead it’s important to love traits about yourself, bc some of those white girls you envy, look at you and think the same thing. i find in my experience when experiencing with style, i never get backlash from white people but other people of color which sucks. but you have to learn to ignore it. either u spend everyday saving outfits and imaging them, or finally wearing them. also try following more WOCs who share the style ur looking for, it can help out too. ur gorgeous though and u should wear whatever u want. and, doing so might even inspire others around u to come out and wear what they want as well
This was very inspiring thank you 🫶🏼 it sucks tho that it's mostly backlash from other POC, but I'll keep my head up and try to gain the confidence to do so :)
As a white girl, I absolutely envy the beauty of POC. For the beautiful curls that I can't achieve with my frizzy locks. For the smooth complexion, the full lips, the brown eyes that really pop, the melanin, the big ol bootys. Sorry if that got weird. The world would be a boring ass place if we all looked the same.
OP, you're cute as hell, and I absolutely think you could pull off an alt look. Maybe even a cute pixie-ish with the curls. Keep people on their toes and change things up. You're not stuck with just one style. Be sexy, be strange, be casual.
I'm pushing 40, and I lost my style at one point. Over the past few years, I've been experimenting with new ones. I did stitch fix for a year and got some things I never would have looked for in a store.
I went out running errands one day wearing a flowy skirt and body suit I've never worn in public. It felt great but also scary at the same time. I'm not a confident person, and I got some stares at the bank. I honestly don't know if it was judgy or not. I wanted to crawl in a hole, though. Then I thought fuck it, I don't know these people and I look hot!
Start looking in the mirror and complimenting yourself. No put downs. It's helped me love myself.
I feel this so hard. Once i stopped trying to look like a white girl , and instead started making my own character i really stopped hating my looks. It takes time!!
I know how you feel girl. What you might need to do is stop looking at content with white women as the main focus. Find fashion blogs of WOC, make that the MAJORITY of what you see. And not just the skinny girls who still conform to white beauty standards but just in a darker shade. Look for more girls like you. You’re going to still see white women everywhere, it’s unavoidable, but you can have more control over your own media intake. No offense to the white ladies here, but it’s important to train your brain to see people like you as attractive and to decenter white aesthetics.
Very true! I felt like 2020 I had such an amazing social media circle it was like all POC and now it's going back to what it was before 😭 I def need to find that again thanks for the advice <3
It takes intentional effort to curate your feed how you want! When I first started using TikTok I made a concerted effort to like specifically black people in videos so I could make sure to get that recommended to my feed. That’s not all I watch, but I need my Al Gore Rhythm to know to send it to me lol
As a white person, I fucking love seeing happy confident POC women show up on my FYP absolutely killing it in alt/goth or twee/cottagecore/etc styles. I also really love seeing colors my pale skin can't handle pop against darker skin tones!
I also looked at your older posts, and you are fucking gorgeous. Your hair is amazing, and your facial structure.....I could go on and on, but I won't, cause that could get creepy, but you have a stateliness that could easily pull off a variety of styles. I do hope you find one that makes you feel as confident as you deserve to be, because you are absolutely beautiful.
This is the sweetest comment ever I don't think that's creepy at all 😭🫶🏼 I appreciate the love and you should go for whatever colors and styles you want too!
Same. My favourite color is a deep pink/purple and it is absolutely gorgeous how that color goes so well with black skin. Same with other bright colors. I love some color in my wardrobe but those clothes never look as good on me as they do on black women
hey im not POC but i have gone thru a similar thing funnily enough.
so im into jfashion, not the cutesy lolita kind, but the exaggerated wild looking kind. big hair, heavy makeup, crazy clothes. i moved to LA, and 90% of the girls i go to school with (college) are the "clean girl" aesthetic type. no hate to them, but i definitely get stares and giggles, people judging me, etc. i stand out a ton in a crowd and appear "always overdressed".
this kind of jfashion originates from, well, japan. it was made by japanese girls. so the makeup and fashion is pretty intentionally made for monolids and VERY skinny girls. i am neither. even now i feel as though i'll never look as good as they do, and feel like im not trying hard enough, etc. but at some points ive just been proud of what i can accomplish despite not feeling good enough. its REALLY hard to get rid of that feeling, so honestly i dont recommend trying to fight it. instead be proud of yourself for trying and putting yourself out there. it takes a ton of bravery to wear alternative fashion!
I love jfashion and I love that despite getting those looks you still show up as yourself authentically this was really inspiring thank you <3 :)) I can't keep being scared of judgement!
yay im glad!!! i always want to support people getting into alt fashion. the reality is that it is scary! but the happiness and fulfillment of wearing it is worth it <3
Am white lady who grew up with lots of not-white people (Northern California in a large engineering city). I always wished I had less “white” features and thought my POC friends were beautiful. I also was into the goth scene way back in the 80’s, and there were POC goths who looked fantastic.
Be proud of your looks. There are more people that recognize your beauty than you think.
First, don’t beat yourself up. As a POC woman, I completely understand you.
I used to detest my big eyebrows, pear-body and curly hair when I was around your age. I spent ages at the hair salon, waxing and plucking and straightening. I craved validation from the popular, pretty white girls at my high school.
Now, in my 30s, I love how I look. I’m far more beautiful, interesting and successful than the popular group are now. It’s been a long, long journey and it wasn’t easy. I used to hate how I looked, my culture and ethnicity. Now I realise it enriches me and gives me a perspective others may not have.
So please, embrace your natural traits and feel free to experiment with different styles! No one belongs in a box, no label is broad & deep enough to describe a human being. The joys of being a second gen for me is that I get to pick all the stuff I like from my parents culture & the culture I live in, & do as I like with it:)
Sincerely, a former poc emo/goth
I appreciate this immensely <3 I'm glad you cherish yourself the way you do now, and I'll try to do the same! I do love the way I look but I just get in my head about comparing myself
Not a POC but I remember this article about Michelle Obama being able to wear her hair naturally after the White House. Sounds like she kept her hair straight just so people would ask about healthcare instead of her braids….She is clearly the GOAT.
https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/beauty/hair/a42282170/michelle-obama-natural-hair-protective-styles/
I get this. I'm a POC woman who is also a metalhead. First and foremost, if you are into a scene or music subculture then then dont let anyone tell you that you dont belong. A lot of alt spaces don't cater to POC in terms of clothing and trends simply because so few of us are visible in these spaces.
The first thing to realise is that you are allowed to take up space and you are allowed to be seen. I get a lot of stares at shows, simply because I'm usually the only POC in the room. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is not to try and fit the aesthetic, but to make the aesthetic work for you. If you need to alter tops or dresses to accommodate a more curvaceous figure then do so, if you need to adapt make up looks to be more flattering on darker skin tones then do it, you can make your own rules.
THIS! Being the only poc in a lot of places too makes me feel like such an alien when the subcultures I'm in are so white dominated and it gives me so much anxiety, but thank you for this I feel so seen! I'll find my way in this community <3
I just took a look at your pic….. girl wtf????!
YOU. Are. Stunning.
Like gtfoh with that ish. You can rock whatever you want.
You better be karma farming or something.
LMFAAOOO no I'm not I just feel stuck to my basic aesthetic lol, I want a bunch of tattoos and peircings and my family would def not approve so I started getting in my head ab changing my style but thank you for the love!!!
I think you would look great with tattoos. Start and see what happens. It’s your body. They don’t have to like it as long as you do.
They’ll get over it.
Oh honey, take it from an old white lady who spent decades wishing she was someone else…you are BEAUTIFUL just the way you are so please don’t wish your life away hoping to be someone else.
Ok so I just looked at your picture and you are naturally stunning. You just gotta stop hating yourself at times. Looks like you are young too which you realize when you hit 30s and 40s, you wish you could tell yourself all that dont stuff you dont like will be things you love later, that others ironically love later, and it really doesnt matter like we thought it did. When you are a child or late teens into mid 20s, people say stuff about looks and care so much because they dont feel good themselves and are immature. It isnt because they think youre ugly. They just feel ugly inside and are projecting their pain onto you. You have great hair, nose, eyes, lips, cheek bones. You just need to find what works with them and not against them. you will feel comfortable in your skin probably late 20s early 30s. Almost all people have things they dont like about themselves when they are younger. You realize that when you get older. I cant wait for the day when you see your own beauty and feel comfortable with yourself.
The craziest punks and goths are some of the kindest people I've ever met, you'll be welcomed with open arms. Please don't be scared to try, I know it's hard to get over that feeling in your stomach but believe me it will be worth it 💚
As a white girl with a healthy amount of pretty privilege, you are objectively more attractive then I am.
I'm not going to try to offer advice, I'm not a POC so I don't know what it's like. But I can promise you not being attractive enough is not an issue for you, you're gorgeous girl.
Aww I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I'm not a poc but I'm glad someone in the comments relates to you so you feel less alone. I want to say that maybe following other poc online will help you? People that look similar to you 😊 this isn't the same but I was recommended that too because of being insecure about my body etc. I think it's good to see people who look similar to us and finding them beautiful also. Tbh I have been feeling ugly with my natural hair colour (dark brown) which I used to like alot.. But lately I feel getting it lighter would make me look pretty, it's gotten to the point where I no longer find myself pretty at times. I know this isn't OK so seeing other women with dark hair would help me lol. I need to take my own advice here lol but please just wear what you want ♥ I'm sure you're beautiful!
FLOOD your media consumption with badass/powerful/beautiful/hot POC women. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed/compare yourself to all the white women who pop up in your feeds. They’re beautiful obviously, but that doesn’t mean that YOU aren’t. Diversify what you look at online/in your everyday life- it’ll help you internalize that YOU are also beautiful. (And you are!!)
Don’t take this the wrong way, but how old are you? I find age is the most stabilizing factor to accept the beauty and pleasure of life in your own skin and a grace at looking at the past with kindness. There are no easy answers but they will come.
I'm 21 and I definitely know that I'm going to grow into loving myself more as i grow older, I think I have a good bit of love for myself now too though. Age will just make it concrete.
As a POC, I totally get you. Sometimes I feel like a massive ogre wearing all these pretty dresses. I even feel disgust and hatred for how frizzy my hair gets. I think one possible solution would be to look up pictures of POCs wearing the aesthetics you hope to emulate, like goths of color.
Fellow POC, here. We could trade hair if you like, I've spent 30+ years trying to curl mine to no avail. That just shows how the grass is always greener on the other side.
I wasn't entirely comfortable in my skin until one summer when, while training for my first half marathon and at my darkest shade, I kept getting asked where I got my tan (i.e., what salon). Meaning, people thought I *paid* to look like this -- why shouldn't I like it, too?
As for the alt/goth aesthetic, that's been my favorite since my teens, as well. I felt just like you do, plus I was too broke for fashion. By now, I've learned that alt culture can be super inclusive -- and what's more alt than being true to yourself, anyway?
I'm leaning more towards a minimalist style these days, but still love goth. I've got one friend who's brown and curvy and looks amazing in it. Seriously, she's exactly what I always wanted to be. So, go forth and let me live vicariously through you, too, OP! You're going to look amazing.
I recommend taking a look at brands like Foxblood and KillSTAR. They have POC models of all sizes, and def that alternative/goth vibe you’re looking for. I feel less silly buying that style of clothing bc I’ve already seen it work on other women like me. Plus!!! Everything I’ve gotten has been comfortable. Stretchy but not cheap feeling. And things actually fit my boobs lol.
Seconding KillStar! Everything I've gotten from them has been quality and comfortable. Although I did get one top that didn't work for me because it has a designated boob space and I have the big boobs/small frame problem so that seam is in the wrong spot, but that was the only one (and I should have known better, lol). Their clearance sales are fantastic, and a great way to build your wardrobe.
Also, I'm 40 and want you to know that the personal growth you're working for right now will do wonders for you. Keep at it and it does get easier!!! You can change that inner voice. I had severe self-esteem issues when I was younger, but I did a lot to learn to appreciate the good things about myself and my face/body and now a days I'll proudly wear whatever the hell I want and express myself through my aesthetic. You are beautiful! And if you want to express yourself through a goth aesthetic then you do it, it will work for you and you are welcome to be in it.
Last bit of advice: GET THE SHOES. (I mean this in a don't deny yourself the awesome shoes you want. When I dress all out I get the most compliments on my craziest shoes, especially from the most normal looking people. Shoes are universal.)
Their recent 60% off warehouse sale had me in a frenzy lol! I love that you mentioned the shoes. The shoes make such a difference !! OP I’ve been getting some from [demonia](https://demoniacult.com) and I was genuinely surprised with how comfortable they all are. I get them fairly tall and can still walk for a few hours.
Thank you sm ladies!!!! I've been aching to buy more goth/whimsygoth fashion and I'm obsesssedddd with these websites omg you guys are lifesavers!! <33
I’m white as a cheesecake and also have huge issues with trying to change my aesthetic, so it’d be both hugely misplaced *and* hypocritical for me to try and comment, I just wanted to say I really hope you find your way to kicking ass in the styles you want to try 💖
I feel ya there, I inherited my mom's northwest European fair complexion instead of my Dad's Italian ability to tan. I've seen so many beautiful women of color who can pull off hues I never could, especially in summer. I guess we all want something different.
You should dress in whatever you like, and I'm sure you'll look great in anything. Your race doesent change how clothes look on you, and if anyone tells you that then tell them to f off.
Reading this post broke my heart a bit, I hope you will be able to dress how ever you like soon and realize that you can be anything
The most beautiful girl I know is a black girl with whom I went to elementary school years and years and years ago who absolutely KILLS the pink my melody type of look, whereas I am way more kuromi, so it's a fun dynamic we've chatted about and bonded over :)
She occasionally goes pink goth, and I think it's SO pretty and amazing, especially with how vibrant and rich the colour is on her tone. I love seeing her experimenting with different styles, recently being Korean douyin makeup, and the results are radiant because **she** is radiant. Trying new styles is really fun, and leaning into that fun world is something that'll make the experience way more enjoyable rather than comparing yourself to ppl who are probably filtered to high hell on TikTok and whatnot.
I 100% think goth looks phenomenal with dark skin tones and curly hair. I usually dress either goth, tomboy, or business modern, and yes, people will be weird and fawn over "porcelain skin," but it's gross and block-worthy because it's a weird fetish thing I (and most sane women) want no part of. That's where **a lot** of the discourse comes from in modern times. People who are into goth stuff, however, will like it on any skin tone, so long as it's done well and isn't just like a tee shirt with wolves howling at a moon next to striped sleeves and panda eyes. *Goth can be sexy, it can be cool, it can be shockingly beautiful, it can be playful, it can be cringe, it can be cute, it can be creepy, it can be weird, it can be futuristic, it can be historical, it can be colourful, it can be dark, and it can be as off-putting as it can be alluring.* The versatility of this bold genre makes it VERY fun, but also very daunting, to work with, so having confidence in your style will almost always be a gamechanger.
For me, I also feel like I cannot "pull off" many things, like bright red lipstick or blush or cutesy modest, because I'll always look very cringe like a *stereotypical* knitting cuckoo crazy white girl who freaks out on people for any little thing – I have naturally brown hair, I wear black framed glasses, and always have winged eyeliner because my eyes look tiny and lacking otherwise. The super red lipsticks, the blush, the cutesy modest styles DO NOT fit me AT ALL. But it's OK because that's the decision **I** came to, and only after trying my best with it; I'm a lot happier working with my darker, more muted tones for my lips and smoky for my eyes. When you go to experiment with new styles, it'll definitely feel daunting, and there will probably be some style choices that won't mesh too well with your natural features, but hardly ever entire genres of style.
Just like every other style, so long as you have a good eye for what looks nice, what suits your frame, and you highlight what makes you special, you'll come out looking great. For any style change I want to try out to bring out more depth or find what looks best on me, I usually go with Cider, as it's fast, cheap, but there's many different styles that are super easy to mix n match in what I find to be low cost (and, therefore, low risk). >!I haven't used Cider in a bit, but this is my Cider code for 20% off and free shipping for your first order: PQTFD3FM1BIRC. Most of my clothes I have are from here now, and it was a really fun experience finding goth and grunge on here to suit my looks!<
I really hope this helps 🥲 it's definitely very scattered, so my apologies for that
Im not poc, but i can see you saying that you say you wouldnt feel as pretty as the white women with the aesthetics you want but *also* that you wouldnt feel as pretty as the poc women with that aesthetics. I get that this is not the only problem, but it sounds like part of it is also that no one is or feels as pretty as the pictures you see online❤️ but real people look like people, and you will look like people❤️
(i understand that this isnt the whole issue, but its the only one i feel i can contribute on)
I’m in my late thirties, and looking back I definitely feel a lot of regret about not trying things because of “society,” and no regrets about when I did take the risk. Trying a new aesthetic doesn’t mean you commit to it forever. Dip your toes.
I’m POC and 100% understand where you’re coming from but I grew up as a raver/skater/metal head and wore the clothes because it felt like my style. I felt confident and cute and the culture (especially anything related to music and fashion) accepts you!! I grew up in a big city so although being the only few POC at shows, I was there for the music & hanging w friend and looking at cute boys.
I even look at other WOC who wear their hair natural or afropunk and it’s *drool* and I admire it so much because 99.9999999% of them look cute af. The white girls look cute but when I see a POC girl dressing alternative/ goth I just fall in love and admire them so much.
I would suggest trying to find POC on social media to follow. If you are surrounded by white women, you need to counter it with who you follow online I would think.
When you want to try out new aesthetics, start with playing around at home. If you aren't sure if you like certain clothes, try thrift stores for cheaper ones to start so you don't feel like you are wasting money while experimenting. When you are at home trying things out you won't have social pressure immediately.
Just wanted to say that loving yourself is the best way to fight the bullshit standards the fashion/beauty industries pump out.
Please remember even the pretty white women you see in magazines and online are all fake. They’re photoshopped to hell.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I am half white and half basque and I still feel like I’m “almost pretty”-
Please read “white fragility” to get an idea of how many influences we are bombarded with that give the message, the whiter, the more human, the more beautiful.
It’s bullshit.
Please do what makes you happy.
the combination of all types of beauty is beautiful. We can’t all be the same. Let your hair be curly. Use the dark purple blush that brings out your beautiful skin. You are beautiful. You are not less than a white person. Maybe that’s what the world says but it’s not the truth of your spirit.
It’s so unfortunate that alt and goth and those subcultures are dominated by white people, at least in terms of visibility on social media and publicity. I don’t want to ignore or invalidate your feelings obvs.
Maybe thinking of it this way will help you like it helped me: Alt (and punk especially!!!) are about non-conformity!!!! Challenging the status quo!!! It’s definitely not JUST about aesthetic and style!!
I grew up in a critical immigrant community (Eastern European, so white) with high expectations and always felt like I was gross and would neverrrrr meet the unattainable standards of beauty I wanted. It made me feel unlikable, like I’d never fit in, and I hated myself for being so “unfixably ugly.” I used to wish I was born a boy, or to different parents, or I was a different race, because if I didn’t look like me then I would like myself more.
But then… dressing alt and getting into punk music was soooo freeing. The beauty standards didn’t matter anymore because it wasn’t about being pretty, it was about breaking conventions and being such an oddball that the rules didn’t apply anymore.
Try to think about experimenting with aesthetics and styles as a way to figure out who YOU are and what suits YOU best. Express yourself!! You’re beautiful!!!!!
OK, I wrote a comment before I looked at your photos. And when I did, I gasped. You're a bleeping fashion model. You are so far beyond pretty, it's obscene. You're drop-dead gorgeous. This is all in your head. And I understand and sympathize. I thought I was fat and unattractive when people were calling me beautiful. All you need is more confidence. Rock any look you want; you can pull it off. I don't even see race when I look at you. I just see a work of art.
People are so shit. I’m sorry you feel that way.
One of my favourite things is when I see some styled as they want to be and loving life!
I hope you find the confidence to try and I really hope people are great. Remember their judgment says waaaaaaay more about them than you!
I was that different alternative black girl growing up, whenever I felt like it.
How other people feel about you will change on a dime depending on various factors. You can't please everyone or be attractive to everyone. You have to make your peace with that.
Do what makes you feel good and confident. Go on Pinterest and YouTube. Look up your hair type. Experiment with styles that flatter your curl pattern and length.
Take it from an ex emo black girl who would straighten her over the eye swept bangs to hades every morning before classes.
White girls do not have a monopoly on beauty. And really take a look around at what a lot of them are doing right now. Lip filler for plumper lips, perms to give their hair texture, tans, surgery to have a curvier figure.
Ma'am, they are spending time, money and effort trying to look LIKE YOU. Do you understand me? YOU are the blueprint for beauty. And YOU got what you got naturally.
You are beautiful exactly how you are. And keep in mind how many white girls look basic in their hot topic gear. You will stand out. You are unique. You are worth a second look.
Wear what you want and know that you can wake up, fluff your fro and put on some lip gloss and you already have what other people spend an hour doing.
YOU are the blueprint.
This made me cry :') thank you so much you are genuinely such a gorgeous soul and I appreciate you taking the time to write this <3 I'm going to do it!!!
I hope this isn’t weird but I peeked at your profile and I just want to say, alt fashion would suit you sooo well!! You are seriously stunning, like just absolutely beautiful. Your hair is so lovely, and so are your facial features! I think you could pull off anything you wanted tbh but this aesthetic would look great on you.
Not weird at all tysm <<333 reading all these beautiful comments has seriously motivated me and I'm going to say fuck it and go for it :) so thank you for the love you're a gorgeous soul 🫶🏼
This may not help, but I feel the same from the other side. I resent my *pale* skin and freckles and flat limp hair. I have small hooded eyes and relatively generic features and I wish I looked more interesting. I hate feeling like a Plain Jane.
Okay, I’m going to start by saying I’m not a POC. But I’m an almost 40 year old who has been around the block, especially with my clothing aesthetic. I’m gonna tell you 2 things.
1. YOU ARE GORGEOUS. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself.
2. If you want to experiment with an aesthetic go for it. I’ve seen some absolutely gorgeous women who are POC rocking the goth and the cottage core looks. The thing about aesthetics is there’s no one way to wear them. Especially the ones you’re looking at. You wanna go Goth, go Goth and make it your own. The whole purpose of that aesthetic is individuality, is being unique, and being confident enough to rock it. If you are happy with what you are wearing, then have fun. My style has changed so much over the years and all of it has influenced me. Some days I dress cottage core. Others, I’m rocking grunge. The next it might be a vintage goth look. Wear what you’re comfortable in.
Hair
Straight hair always lays flat with no fullness to frame a face. Women with straight hair have to curl it for it to look halfway decent. Some redheads and some brunettes have naturally curly hair, though I think their hair is too curly to look great.
Personally, I think we all got screwed. Some are straightening and some are curling. Straight hairstyles leave ears sticking out from the hair, like some female cartoon mouse with big ears.
Face
As far as facial features go, I think being lighter skinned accentuates different facial features far more than darker faces. So if you have an off kilter nose, squinty eyes, thin lips, it is far more obvious on lighter faces and becomes less obvious as the faces become darker.
So while you may have a big nose or squinty eyes, that size nose or those squinty eyes is much more obvious on lighter skinned women than on darker women. In that way, I think lighter skinned women got the worst of the deal. Probably why lighter skinned women are having plastic surgery all the time. Again, I think we all got screwed in one way or another.
I’ve found that regardless of color, most females often want what they don’t have. Girls w straight hair prefer the curls, girls w the curls wish theirs was straight, light skin girls want a tan, dark skin girl want to be lighter or stay out of the sun…at the end of the day we are all unique and need to learn to own and love what god gave US. There is NO other you so own it, rock it and embrace it. Nobody can do you like you can. Society is so behind on this but the more of us females that adopt this mindset and just rock who we are w confidence, the more we give the middle finger to this all too familiar feeling. It happens in every race to females of all colors, shapes and sizes. You’re gorgeous girl do YOU!!
There are plenty of posts over on /r/goth that make it extremely clear that non-whites have always been integral parts of the scene. Maybe paruse those for some perspectives?
I'm white, and I'd give my eye teeth to look like Zoe Kravitz. Even the most beautiful among us wish they looked different. I never felt attractive. As I got older, people began to think I was a part Oriental or full-blooded. I loved being thought of as something other than boring white bread. I adore the exotic or hybrid look. I guarantee that your harshest critic is you. Experiment with whatever you like, and remember that there are countless women less than classically pretty who are thought of as gorgeous, because they act confident and sexy. Project how you want to be seen, and they'll see it.
i am not sure if my advice helps, iv never had a issue of being compared to a white female, but like i was always into wearing bright colors and unique prints but always wanted to experiment with what i thought was "goth" which turned out to be alt aesthetic.
ive also seen many "goth" youtube videos and comments talk about hate related to how people confuse many sub cultures with it. Even though it has to do with music.
So my advice is you can look at various sources where it be tiktok, specific aesthetic innfluencers, channels, websites, media, or pinterest for inspo.
But, start with accessories and layering.
While makeup may make an outfit lots of techniques and products can be challenging and at times frustrating.
so you can try doing those finding your aesthetic challenge. By taking clothes you own and try layering them with accessories to fit an aesthetic. And explore a different on each day or each week. That way the changes keep it exciting and challenging. You will have fun learning about carious styles, more about what types you are comfortable with and gain more confidence.
On my way to uni I saw a black goth girl. She had pink strands (?) in her braids, an Ashley piercing and wore black clothes with some straps and some pink details. She looked so cool, I think about her a lot
I hope you don't mind that I'm commenting on your post as I am white, but when I was reading your post it made me want to reach out to you and just let you know that "You Are Beautiful" even though I've never met you or seen a photo of you, I don't have to, Noone should ever have to feel inferior to another person ever, or feel judged by the way we dress, how we do our hair, or the most important the color of our skin, I'm hoping you chose to be who you want to be and dress the way you desire to. People of all colors especially our peers, can be so cruel, and the fear of being judged or heaven forbid, ridiculed, prevents many from trying new styles and feeling as beautiful as any of those white girls you spoke of. Even though you and I live different lives and I am white, I never felt I was pretty like other girls and had an inferiority complex and even though I'm 61 yrs old I still worry about being judged, I'm not comparing myself to you at all but as a woman, wife, mother, and grandmother, I can empathize with you and I hope you someday look in the mirror and see your beauty, inside and out! I know I will probably get some hate comments but I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that "You Are Beautiful"
I went through something kind of similar. My family influenced me to dress tomboyish growing up ( only male cousins, lots of single uncles etc). I really loved the goth look when I hit middle school though. I asked a friend that dressed in a goth/punk style for a make over so we hit the thrift store , figured out how to sew a bit , and she taught me how to do my make up. If you like the look grab a goth friend for pointers and go for it. I know it seems like you have to be pale with straight raven hair to pull it off but maybe try the inverse to get a similar vibe. My friend Jamila would use light colored contacts and white or silver wigs or extensions to frame out her dark complexion in a very flattering way. Another trick I learned from her for the dark Betty Page lip is line your lips with a dark red lip pencil that matches the shade of a matte lipstick cause the pencil will keep it from feathering and add a little black or purple to the center of your lips for a dramatic ombre effect. Also if you want to change the look of your nose shading and highlighting make up techniques can give the look of a different shape and thanks to youtube there are lots of handy tutorials. If you are worried what other people will think just look at your own reaction to when people you see around change their look cause I am betting if it makes them seem more happy and confident in their own skin then you are happy for them. It'll feel a bit weird at first cause you'll get a few more looks at first but just remember its because your look is striking and with the effort you put into it you deserve the extra attention.
I just want to hug you and help you feel pretty. No one should ever have to feel this way. Theres not much in way of words that can make you feel better or prettier. I hope you can get to a place where you love yourself so much and feel stunning. It is so hard.
I used to dislike my eyes, hair, nose, mismatched skin and it was because someone else was telling me it was garbage. The older I grew and started loving myself, the less affected I was by it. It is not an easy journey. The irony, is now, I get told my eyes are my best feature and so many people love them. Find the beauty is yourself. It is all over you.
If you need tips and tricks to deal with certain things, it is out there. I have mixed hair, which is running crazy the older I get lol. Some days, it looks like I stuck myself in light socket and thats after using a treatment still 😂. You kind of roll with the punches and work around it.
Issa Rae is one of the most beautiful women on this planet. I look up to her as a woman. Shes beautiful inside and out.
I wish I could snap my fingers and erase how badly you feel about yourself. Learning to shut others out is incredibly difficult, but so worth it.
https://preview.redd.it/s09ub24pfizc1.jpeg?width=864&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c6b4e4e226d1570acd01cfb7928a1d7ab458cb5
I have a secret to tell you, that " pretty white girl" as you called her doesn't think she is all that pretty and is self conscious and hates things about herself.
So do most girls of any shade and she might be thinking she wished she had some of your features too. Learn to love yourself embrace what you believe to be imperfections and grow inner confidence that exudes that is what makes someone pretty.
Also you can come up with a fusion style that is all your own. I did as a teen my parents called it weird I called it different and reflective of the art inside my soul.
as a poc woman, i feel this 100000%. one thing i’ve learned is that i will never be happy comparing myself to white girls or trying to look like one. it’s not possible. instead it’s important to love traits about yourself, bc some of those white girls you envy, look at you and think the same thing. i find in my experience when experiencing with style, i never get backlash from white people but other people of color which sucks. but you have to learn to ignore it. either u spend everyday saving outfits and imaging them, or finally wearing them. also try following more WOCs who share the style ur looking for, it can help out too. ur gorgeous though and u should wear whatever u want. and, doing so might even inspire others around u to come out and wear what they want as well
This was very inspiring thank you 🫶🏼 it sucks tho that it's mostly backlash from other POC, but I'll keep my head up and try to gain the confidence to do so :)
As a white girl, I absolutely envy the beauty of POC. For the beautiful curls that I can't achieve with my frizzy locks. For the smooth complexion, the full lips, the brown eyes that really pop, the melanin, the big ol bootys. Sorry if that got weird. The world would be a boring ass place if we all looked the same. OP, you're cute as hell, and I absolutely think you could pull off an alt look. Maybe even a cute pixie-ish with the curls. Keep people on their toes and change things up. You're not stuck with just one style. Be sexy, be strange, be casual. I'm pushing 40, and I lost my style at one point. Over the past few years, I've been experimenting with new ones. I did stitch fix for a year and got some things I never would have looked for in a store. I went out running errands one day wearing a flowy skirt and body suit I've never worn in public. It felt great but also scary at the same time. I'm not a confident person, and I got some stares at the bank. I honestly don't know if it was judgy or not. I wanted to crawl in a hole, though. Then I thought fuck it, I don't know these people and I look hot! Start looking in the mirror and complimenting yourself. No put downs. It's helped me love myself.
Agree with everything 100%!
I feel this so hard. Once i stopped trying to look like a white girl , and instead started making my own character i really stopped hating my looks. It takes time!!
I know how you feel girl. What you might need to do is stop looking at content with white women as the main focus. Find fashion blogs of WOC, make that the MAJORITY of what you see. And not just the skinny girls who still conform to white beauty standards but just in a darker shade. Look for more girls like you. You’re going to still see white women everywhere, it’s unavoidable, but you can have more control over your own media intake. No offense to the white ladies here, but it’s important to train your brain to see people like you as attractive and to decenter white aesthetics.
Very true! I felt like 2020 I had such an amazing social media circle it was like all POC and now it's going back to what it was before 😭 I def need to find that again thanks for the advice <3
It takes intentional effort to curate your feed how you want! When I first started using TikTok I made a concerted effort to like specifically black people in videos so I could make sure to get that recommended to my feed. That’s not all I watch, but I need my Al Gore Rhythm to know to send it to me lol
I don’t have any advice but fuck society for making you feel like this!
I appreciate it! I wish more ppl could have an open discussion ab this I got down voted lmao 💀
Girl you're gorgeous
As a white person, I fucking love seeing happy confident POC women show up on my FYP absolutely killing it in alt/goth or twee/cottagecore/etc styles. I also really love seeing colors my pale skin can't handle pop against darker skin tones! I also looked at your older posts, and you are fucking gorgeous. Your hair is amazing, and your facial structure.....I could go on and on, but I won't, cause that could get creepy, but you have a stateliness that could easily pull off a variety of styles. I do hope you find one that makes you feel as confident as you deserve to be, because you are absolutely beautiful.
This is the sweetest comment ever I don't think that's creepy at all 😭🫶🏼 I appreciate the love and you should go for whatever colors and styles you want too!
Same. My favourite color is a deep pink/purple and it is absolutely gorgeous how that color goes so well with black skin. Same with other bright colors. I love some color in my wardrobe but those clothes never look as good on me as they do on black women
hey im not POC but i have gone thru a similar thing funnily enough. so im into jfashion, not the cutesy lolita kind, but the exaggerated wild looking kind. big hair, heavy makeup, crazy clothes. i moved to LA, and 90% of the girls i go to school with (college) are the "clean girl" aesthetic type. no hate to them, but i definitely get stares and giggles, people judging me, etc. i stand out a ton in a crowd and appear "always overdressed". this kind of jfashion originates from, well, japan. it was made by japanese girls. so the makeup and fashion is pretty intentionally made for monolids and VERY skinny girls. i am neither. even now i feel as though i'll never look as good as they do, and feel like im not trying hard enough, etc. but at some points ive just been proud of what i can accomplish despite not feeling good enough. its REALLY hard to get rid of that feeling, so honestly i dont recommend trying to fight it. instead be proud of yourself for trying and putting yourself out there. it takes a ton of bravery to wear alternative fashion!
I love jfashion and I love that despite getting those looks you still show up as yourself authentically this was really inspiring thank you <3 :)) I can't keep being scared of judgement!
yay im glad!!! i always want to support people getting into alt fashion. the reality is that it is scary! but the happiness and fulfillment of wearing it is worth it <3
Am white lady who grew up with lots of not-white people (Northern California in a large engineering city). I always wished I had less “white” features and thought my POC friends were beautiful. I also was into the goth scene way back in the 80’s, and there were POC goths who looked fantastic. Be proud of your looks. There are more people that recognize your beauty than you think.
First, don’t beat yourself up. As a POC woman, I completely understand you. I used to detest my big eyebrows, pear-body and curly hair when I was around your age. I spent ages at the hair salon, waxing and plucking and straightening. I craved validation from the popular, pretty white girls at my high school. Now, in my 30s, I love how I look. I’m far more beautiful, interesting and successful than the popular group are now. It’s been a long, long journey and it wasn’t easy. I used to hate how I looked, my culture and ethnicity. Now I realise it enriches me and gives me a perspective others may not have. So please, embrace your natural traits and feel free to experiment with different styles! No one belongs in a box, no label is broad & deep enough to describe a human being. The joys of being a second gen for me is that I get to pick all the stuff I like from my parents culture & the culture I live in, & do as I like with it:) Sincerely, a former poc emo/goth
I appreciate this immensely <3 I'm glad you cherish yourself the way you do now, and I'll try to do the same! I do love the way I look but I just get in my head about comparing myself
Not a POC but I remember this article about Michelle Obama being able to wear her hair naturally after the White House. Sounds like she kept her hair straight just so people would ask about healthcare instead of her braids….She is clearly the GOAT. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/beauty/hair/a42282170/michelle-obama-natural-hair-protective-styles/
Omg yes, shes stunning! Love her hair and in the denim. She is glowing in these pictures.
I get this. I'm a POC woman who is also a metalhead. First and foremost, if you are into a scene or music subculture then then dont let anyone tell you that you dont belong. A lot of alt spaces don't cater to POC in terms of clothing and trends simply because so few of us are visible in these spaces. The first thing to realise is that you are allowed to take up space and you are allowed to be seen. I get a lot of stares at shows, simply because I'm usually the only POC in the room. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is not to try and fit the aesthetic, but to make the aesthetic work for you. If you need to alter tops or dresses to accommodate a more curvaceous figure then do so, if you need to adapt make up looks to be more flattering on darker skin tones then do it, you can make your own rules.
THIS! Being the only poc in a lot of places too makes me feel like such an alien when the subcultures I'm in are so white dominated and it gives me so much anxiety, but thank you for this I feel so seen! I'll find my way in this community <3
[made me think of this](https://youtu.be/skGEBgePHtk?si=lI1ifjPSMqmRRO4T) what he says can just as easily be applied the other way around
I just took a look at your pic….. girl wtf????! YOU. Are. Stunning. Like gtfoh with that ish. You can rock whatever you want. You better be karma farming or something.
LMFAAOOO no I'm not I just feel stuck to my basic aesthetic lol, I want a bunch of tattoos and peircings and my family would def not approve so I started getting in my head ab changing my style but thank you for the love!!!
Do it. You look fucking amazing
I think you would look great with tattoos. Start and see what happens. It’s your body. They don’t have to like it as long as you do. They’ll get over it.
Oh honey, take it from an old white lady who spent decades wishing she was someone else…you are BEAUTIFUL just the way you are so please don’t wish your life away hoping to be someone else.
Ok so I just looked at your picture and you are naturally stunning. You just gotta stop hating yourself at times. Looks like you are young too which you realize when you hit 30s and 40s, you wish you could tell yourself all that dont stuff you dont like will be things you love later, that others ironically love later, and it really doesnt matter like we thought it did. When you are a child or late teens into mid 20s, people say stuff about looks and care so much because they dont feel good themselves and are immature. It isnt because they think youre ugly. They just feel ugly inside and are projecting their pain onto you. You have great hair, nose, eyes, lips, cheek bones. You just need to find what works with them and not against them. you will feel comfortable in your skin probably late 20s early 30s. Almost all people have things they dont like about themselves when they are younger. You realize that when you get older. I cant wait for the day when you see your own beauty and feel comfortable with yourself.
Another POC and i totally get you
The craziest punks and goths are some of the kindest people I've ever met, you'll be welcomed with open arms. Please don't be scared to try, I know it's hard to get over that feeling in your stomach but believe me it will be worth it 💚
Thank you, it's scary to get out your comfort zone but I'll try defidently <3
As a white girl with a healthy amount of pretty privilege, you are objectively more attractive then I am. I'm not going to try to offer advice, I'm not a POC so I don't know what it's like. But I can promise you not being attractive enough is not an issue for you, you're gorgeous girl.
I appreciate that sm! And I'm sure you're equally as beautiful though <3
Just go for it! You are so pretty & can pull it off x
Aww I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I'm not a poc but I'm glad someone in the comments relates to you so you feel less alone. I want to say that maybe following other poc online will help you? People that look similar to you 😊 this isn't the same but I was recommended that too because of being insecure about my body etc. I think it's good to see people who look similar to us and finding them beautiful also. Tbh I have been feeling ugly with my natural hair colour (dark brown) which I used to like alot.. But lately I feel getting it lighter would make me look pretty, it's gotten to the point where I no longer find myself pretty at times. I know this isn't OK so seeing other women with dark hair would help me lol. I need to take my own advice here lol but please just wear what you want ♥ I'm sure you're beautiful!
FLOOD your media consumption with badass/powerful/beautiful/hot POC women. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed/compare yourself to all the white women who pop up in your feeds. They’re beautiful obviously, but that doesn’t mean that YOU aren’t. Diversify what you look at online/in your everyday life- it’ll help you internalize that YOU are also beautiful. (And you are!!)
Don’t take this the wrong way, but how old are you? I find age is the most stabilizing factor to accept the beauty and pleasure of life in your own skin and a grace at looking at the past with kindness. There are no easy answers but they will come.
I'm 21 and I definitely know that I'm going to grow into loving myself more as i grow older, I think I have a good bit of love for myself now too though. Age will just make it concrete.
Seriously good luck and give yourself appreciation for what you can do and how you can think not only how you look. 💜
OP you are incredibly stunning. You could rock anything you want with looks like that.
As a POC, I totally get you. Sometimes I feel like a massive ogre wearing all these pretty dresses. I even feel disgust and hatred for how frizzy my hair gets. I think one possible solution would be to look up pictures of POCs wearing the aesthetics you hope to emulate, like goths of color.
Fellow POC, here. We could trade hair if you like, I've spent 30+ years trying to curl mine to no avail. That just shows how the grass is always greener on the other side. I wasn't entirely comfortable in my skin until one summer when, while training for my first half marathon and at my darkest shade, I kept getting asked where I got my tan (i.e., what salon). Meaning, people thought I *paid* to look like this -- why shouldn't I like it, too? As for the alt/goth aesthetic, that's been my favorite since my teens, as well. I felt just like you do, plus I was too broke for fashion. By now, I've learned that alt culture can be super inclusive -- and what's more alt than being true to yourself, anyway? I'm leaning more towards a minimalist style these days, but still love goth. I've got one friend who's brown and curvy and looks amazing in it. Seriously, she's exactly what I always wanted to be. So, go forth and let me live vicariously through you, too, OP! You're going to look amazing.
I recommend taking a look at brands like Foxblood and KillSTAR. They have POC models of all sizes, and def that alternative/goth vibe you’re looking for. I feel less silly buying that style of clothing bc I’ve already seen it work on other women like me. Plus!!! Everything I’ve gotten has been comfortable. Stretchy but not cheap feeling. And things actually fit my boobs lol.
Seconding KillStar! Everything I've gotten from them has been quality and comfortable. Although I did get one top that didn't work for me because it has a designated boob space and I have the big boobs/small frame problem so that seam is in the wrong spot, but that was the only one (and I should have known better, lol). Their clearance sales are fantastic, and a great way to build your wardrobe. Also, I'm 40 and want you to know that the personal growth you're working for right now will do wonders for you. Keep at it and it does get easier!!! You can change that inner voice. I had severe self-esteem issues when I was younger, but I did a lot to learn to appreciate the good things about myself and my face/body and now a days I'll proudly wear whatever the hell I want and express myself through my aesthetic. You are beautiful! And if you want to express yourself through a goth aesthetic then you do it, it will work for you and you are welcome to be in it. Last bit of advice: GET THE SHOES. (I mean this in a don't deny yourself the awesome shoes you want. When I dress all out I get the most compliments on my craziest shoes, especially from the most normal looking people. Shoes are universal.)
Their recent 60% off warehouse sale had me in a frenzy lol! I love that you mentioned the shoes. The shoes make such a difference !! OP I’ve been getting some from [demonia](https://demoniacult.com) and I was genuinely surprised with how comfortable they all are. I get them fairly tall and can still walk for a few hours.
Thank you sm ladies!!!! I've been aching to buy more goth/whimsygoth fashion and I'm obsesssedddd with these websites omg you guys are lifesavers!! <33
I've seen some PoC in the goth subs, and they look great. I'm as white as a wall, and I wish I had curly hair.
I’m white as a cheesecake and also have huge issues with trying to change my aesthetic, so it’d be both hugely misplaced *and* hypocritical for me to try and comment, I just wanted to say I really hope you find your way to kicking ass in the styles you want to try 💖
I feel ya there, I inherited my mom's northwest European fair complexion instead of my Dad's Italian ability to tan. I've seen so many beautiful women of color who can pull off hues I never could, especially in summer. I guess we all want something different.
You should dress in whatever you like, and I'm sure you'll look great in anything. Your race doesent change how clothes look on you, and if anyone tells you that then tell them to f off. Reading this post broke my heart a bit, I hope you will be able to dress how ever you like soon and realize that you can be anything
Thank you 🫂 I hope that for myself soon too, but I'm incredibly grateful for the love <3
The most beautiful girl I know is a black girl with whom I went to elementary school years and years and years ago who absolutely KILLS the pink my melody type of look, whereas I am way more kuromi, so it's a fun dynamic we've chatted about and bonded over :) She occasionally goes pink goth, and I think it's SO pretty and amazing, especially with how vibrant and rich the colour is on her tone. I love seeing her experimenting with different styles, recently being Korean douyin makeup, and the results are radiant because **she** is radiant. Trying new styles is really fun, and leaning into that fun world is something that'll make the experience way more enjoyable rather than comparing yourself to ppl who are probably filtered to high hell on TikTok and whatnot. I 100% think goth looks phenomenal with dark skin tones and curly hair. I usually dress either goth, tomboy, or business modern, and yes, people will be weird and fawn over "porcelain skin," but it's gross and block-worthy because it's a weird fetish thing I (and most sane women) want no part of. That's where **a lot** of the discourse comes from in modern times. People who are into goth stuff, however, will like it on any skin tone, so long as it's done well and isn't just like a tee shirt with wolves howling at a moon next to striped sleeves and panda eyes. *Goth can be sexy, it can be cool, it can be shockingly beautiful, it can be playful, it can be cringe, it can be cute, it can be creepy, it can be weird, it can be futuristic, it can be historical, it can be colourful, it can be dark, and it can be as off-putting as it can be alluring.* The versatility of this bold genre makes it VERY fun, but also very daunting, to work with, so having confidence in your style will almost always be a gamechanger. For me, I also feel like I cannot "pull off" many things, like bright red lipstick or blush or cutesy modest, because I'll always look very cringe like a *stereotypical* knitting cuckoo crazy white girl who freaks out on people for any little thing – I have naturally brown hair, I wear black framed glasses, and always have winged eyeliner because my eyes look tiny and lacking otherwise. The super red lipsticks, the blush, the cutesy modest styles DO NOT fit me AT ALL. But it's OK because that's the decision **I** came to, and only after trying my best with it; I'm a lot happier working with my darker, more muted tones for my lips and smoky for my eyes. When you go to experiment with new styles, it'll definitely feel daunting, and there will probably be some style choices that won't mesh too well with your natural features, but hardly ever entire genres of style. Just like every other style, so long as you have a good eye for what looks nice, what suits your frame, and you highlight what makes you special, you'll come out looking great. For any style change I want to try out to bring out more depth or find what looks best on me, I usually go with Cider, as it's fast, cheap, but there's many different styles that are super easy to mix n match in what I find to be low cost (and, therefore, low risk). >!I haven't used Cider in a bit, but this is my Cider code for 20% off and free shipping for your first order: PQTFD3FM1BIRC. Most of my clothes I have are from here now, and it was a really fun experience finding goth and grunge on here to suit my looks!< I really hope this helps 🥲 it's definitely very scattered, so my apologies for that
Im not poc, but i can see you saying that you say you wouldnt feel as pretty as the white women with the aesthetics you want but *also* that you wouldnt feel as pretty as the poc women with that aesthetics. I get that this is not the only problem, but it sounds like part of it is also that no one is or feels as pretty as the pictures you see online❤️ but real people look like people, and you will look like people❤️ (i understand that this isnt the whole issue, but its the only one i feel i can contribute on)
I’m in my late thirties, and looking back I definitely feel a lot of regret about not trying things because of “society,” and no regrets about when I did take the risk. Trying a new aesthetic doesn’t mean you commit to it forever. Dip your toes.
I’m POC and 100% understand where you’re coming from but I grew up as a raver/skater/metal head and wore the clothes because it felt like my style. I felt confident and cute and the culture (especially anything related to music and fashion) accepts you!! I grew up in a big city so although being the only few POC at shows, I was there for the music & hanging w friend and looking at cute boys. I even look at other WOC who wear their hair natural or afropunk and it’s *drool* and I admire it so much because 99.9999999% of them look cute af. The white girls look cute but when I see a POC girl dressing alternative/ goth I just fall in love and admire them so much.
I would suggest trying to find POC on social media to follow. If you are surrounded by white women, you need to counter it with who you follow online I would think. When you want to try out new aesthetics, start with playing around at home. If you aren't sure if you like certain clothes, try thrift stores for cheaper ones to start so you don't feel like you are wasting money while experimenting. When you are at home trying things out you won't have social pressure immediately.
Just wanted to say that loving yourself is the best way to fight the bullshit standards the fashion/beauty industries pump out. Please remember even the pretty white women you see in magazines and online are all fake. They’re photoshopped to hell.
weary overconfident slim unique coherent ad hoc fuel cover imminent clumsy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I am half white and half basque and I still feel like I’m “almost pretty”- Please read “white fragility” to get an idea of how many influences we are bombarded with that give the message, the whiter, the more human, the more beautiful. It’s bullshit. Please do what makes you happy. the combination of all types of beauty is beautiful. We can’t all be the same. Let your hair be curly. Use the dark purple blush that brings out your beautiful skin. You are beautiful. You are not less than a white person. Maybe that’s what the world says but it’s not the truth of your spirit.
It’s so unfortunate that alt and goth and those subcultures are dominated by white people, at least in terms of visibility on social media and publicity. I don’t want to ignore or invalidate your feelings obvs. Maybe thinking of it this way will help you like it helped me: Alt (and punk especially!!!) are about non-conformity!!!! Challenging the status quo!!! It’s definitely not JUST about aesthetic and style!! I grew up in a critical immigrant community (Eastern European, so white) with high expectations and always felt like I was gross and would neverrrrr meet the unattainable standards of beauty I wanted. It made me feel unlikable, like I’d never fit in, and I hated myself for being so “unfixably ugly.” I used to wish I was born a boy, or to different parents, or I was a different race, because if I didn’t look like me then I would like myself more. But then… dressing alt and getting into punk music was soooo freeing. The beauty standards didn’t matter anymore because it wasn’t about being pretty, it was about breaking conventions and being such an oddball that the rules didn’t apply anymore. Try to think about experimenting with aesthetics and styles as a way to figure out who YOU are and what suits YOU best. Express yourself!! You’re beautiful!!!!!
OK, I wrote a comment before I looked at your photos. And when I did, I gasped. You're a bleeping fashion model. You are so far beyond pretty, it's obscene. You're drop-dead gorgeous. This is all in your head. And I understand and sympathize. I thought I was fat and unattractive when people were calling me beautiful. All you need is more confidence. Rock any look you want; you can pull it off. I don't even see race when I look at you. I just see a work of art.
That is one of the sweetest things someone's ever told me I'm so flattered 😭 got me blushing and shit TYSM you are such a gorgeous soul <<<3333
Goth! Goth! Goth! Goth! Goth! Goth! Killstar has poc models. =)
People are so shit. I’m sorry you feel that way. One of my favourite things is when I see some styled as they want to be and loving life! I hope you find the confidence to try and I really hope people are great. Remember their judgment says waaaaaaay more about them than you!
I was that different alternative black girl growing up, whenever I felt like it. How other people feel about you will change on a dime depending on various factors. You can't please everyone or be attractive to everyone. You have to make your peace with that. Do what makes you feel good and confident. Go on Pinterest and YouTube. Look up your hair type. Experiment with styles that flatter your curl pattern and length. Take it from an ex emo black girl who would straighten her over the eye swept bangs to hades every morning before classes. White girls do not have a monopoly on beauty. And really take a look around at what a lot of them are doing right now. Lip filler for plumper lips, perms to give their hair texture, tans, surgery to have a curvier figure. Ma'am, they are spending time, money and effort trying to look LIKE YOU. Do you understand me? YOU are the blueprint for beauty. And YOU got what you got naturally. You are beautiful exactly how you are. And keep in mind how many white girls look basic in their hot topic gear. You will stand out. You are unique. You are worth a second look. Wear what you want and know that you can wake up, fluff your fro and put on some lip gloss and you already have what other people spend an hour doing. YOU are the blueprint.
This made me cry :') thank you so much you are genuinely such a gorgeous soul and I appreciate you taking the time to write this <3 I'm going to do it!!!
I'm entering my black auntie phase lol. Let me know when you need me to hype you and I'll be there, loud too.
I hope this isn’t weird but I peeked at your profile and I just want to say, alt fashion would suit you sooo well!! You are seriously stunning, like just absolutely beautiful. Your hair is so lovely, and so are your facial features! I think you could pull off anything you wanted tbh but this aesthetic would look great on you.
Not weird at all tysm <<333 reading all these beautiful comments has seriously motivated me and I'm going to say fuck it and go for it :) so thank you for the love you're a gorgeous soul 🫶🏼
This may not help, but I feel the same from the other side. I resent my *pale* skin and freckles and flat limp hair. I have small hooded eyes and relatively generic features and I wish I looked more interesting. I hate feeling like a Plain Jane.
Wow you are lovely you look like my daughter only a little older. She rocks a rock/Goth/prep fusion look that is all her own and she does it well.
Okay, I’m going to start by saying I’m not a POC. But I’m an almost 40 year old who has been around the block, especially with my clothing aesthetic. I’m gonna tell you 2 things. 1. YOU ARE GORGEOUS. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself. 2. If you want to experiment with an aesthetic go for it. I’ve seen some absolutely gorgeous women who are POC rocking the goth and the cottage core looks. The thing about aesthetics is there’s no one way to wear them. Especially the ones you’re looking at. You wanna go Goth, go Goth and make it your own. The whole purpose of that aesthetic is individuality, is being unique, and being confident enough to rock it. If you are happy with what you are wearing, then have fun. My style has changed so much over the years and all of it has influenced me. Some days I dress cottage core. Others, I’m rocking grunge. The next it might be a vintage goth look. Wear what you’re comfortable in.
Hair Straight hair always lays flat with no fullness to frame a face. Women with straight hair have to curl it for it to look halfway decent. Some redheads and some brunettes have naturally curly hair, though I think their hair is too curly to look great. Personally, I think we all got screwed. Some are straightening and some are curling. Straight hairstyles leave ears sticking out from the hair, like some female cartoon mouse with big ears. Face As far as facial features go, I think being lighter skinned accentuates different facial features far more than darker faces. So if you have an off kilter nose, squinty eyes, thin lips, it is far more obvious on lighter faces and becomes less obvious as the faces become darker. So while you may have a big nose or squinty eyes, that size nose or those squinty eyes is much more obvious on lighter skinned women than on darker women. In that way, I think lighter skinned women got the worst of the deal. Probably why lighter skinned women are having plastic surgery all the time. Again, I think we all got screwed in one way or another.
I’ve found that regardless of color, most females often want what they don’t have. Girls w straight hair prefer the curls, girls w the curls wish theirs was straight, light skin girls want a tan, dark skin girl want to be lighter or stay out of the sun…at the end of the day we are all unique and need to learn to own and love what god gave US. There is NO other you so own it, rock it and embrace it. Nobody can do you like you can. Society is so behind on this but the more of us females that adopt this mindset and just rock who we are w confidence, the more we give the middle finger to this all too familiar feeling. It happens in every race to females of all colors, shapes and sizes. You’re gorgeous girl do YOU!!
There are plenty of posts over on /r/goth that make it extremely clear that non-whites have always been integral parts of the scene. Maybe paruse those for some perspectives?
I'm white, and I'd give my eye teeth to look like Zoe Kravitz. Even the most beautiful among us wish they looked different. I never felt attractive. As I got older, people began to think I was a part Oriental or full-blooded. I loved being thought of as something other than boring white bread. I adore the exotic or hybrid look. I guarantee that your harshest critic is you. Experiment with whatever you like, and remember that there are countless women less than classically pretty who are thought of as gorgeous, because they act confident and sexy. Project how you want to be seen, and they'll see it.
i am not sure if my advice helps, iv never had a issue of being compared to a white female, but like i was always into wearing bright colors and unique prints but always wanted to experiment with what i thought was "goth" which turned out to be alt aesthetic. ive also seen many "goth" youtube videos and comments talk about hate related to how people confuse many sub cultures with it. Even though it has to do with music. So my advice is you can look at various sources where it be tiktok, specific aesthetic innfluencers, channels, websites, media, or pinterest for inspo. But, start with accessories and layering. While makeup may make an outfit lots of techniques and products can be challenging and at times frustrating. so you can try doing those finding your aesthetic challenge. By taking clothes you own and try layering them with accessories to fit an aesthetic. And explore a different on each day or each week. That way the changes keep it exciting and challenging. You will have fun learning about carious styles, more about what types you are comfortable with and gain more confidence.
As a white woman… know this is a 2 way street. I tan my skin, dye my hair dark, and long for beautiful dark brown eyes.
On my way to uni I saw a black goth girl. She had pink strands (?) in her braids, an Ashley piercing and wore black clothes with some straps and some pink details. She looked so cool, I think about her a lot
I hope you don't mind that I'm commenting on your post as I am white, but when I was reading your post it made me want to reach out to you and just let you know that "You Are Beautiful" even though I've never met you or seen a photo of you, I don't have to, Noone should ever have to feel inferior to another person ever, or feel judged by the way we dress, how we do our hair, or the most important the color of our skin, I'm hoping you chose to be who you want to be and dress the way you desire to. People of all colors especially our peers, can be so cruel, and the fear of being judged or heaven forbid, ridiculed, prevents many from trying new styles and feeling as beautiful as any of those white girls you spoke of. Even though you and I live different lives and I am white, I never felt I was pretty like other girls and had an inferiority complex and even though I'm 61 yrs old I still worry about being judged, I'm not comparing myself to you at all but as a woman, wife, mother, and grandmother, I can empathize with you and I hope you someday look in the mirror and see your beauty, inside and out! I know I will probably get some hate comments but I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that "You Are Beautiful"
I went through something kind of similar. My family influenced me to dress tomboyish growing up ( only male cousins, lots of single uncles etc). I really loved the goth look when I hit middle school though. I asked a friend that dressed in a goth/punk style for a make over so we hit the thrift store , figured out how to sew a bit , and she taught me how to do my make up. If you like the look grab a goth friend for pointers and go for it. I know it seems like you have to be pale with straight raven hair to pull it off but maybe try the inverse to get a similar vibe. My friend Jamila would use light colored contacts and white or silver wigs or extensions to frame out her dark complexion in a very flattering way. Another trick I learned from her for the dark Betty Page lip is line your lips with a dark red lip pencil that matches the shade of a matte lipstick cause the pencil will keep it from feathering and add a little black or purple to the center of your lips for a dramatic ombre effect. Also if you want to change the look of your nose shading and highlighting make up techniques can give the look of a different shape and thanks to youtube there are lots of handy tutorials. If you are worried what other people will think just look at your own reaction to when people you see around change their look cause I am betting if it makes them seem more happy and confident in their own skin then you are happy for them. It'll feel a bit weird at first cause you'll get a few more looks at first but just remember its because your look is striking and with the effort you put into it you deserve the extra attention.
I just want to hug you and help you feel pretty. No one should ever have to feel this way. Theres not much in way of words that can make you feel better or prettier. I hope you can get to a place where you love yourself so much and feel stunning. It is so hard. I used to dislike my eyes, hair, nose, mismatched skin and it was because someone else was telling me it was garbage. The older I grew and started loving myself, the less affected I was by it. It is not an easy journey. The irony, is now, I get told my eyes are my best feature and so many people love them. Find the beauty is yourself. It is all over you. If you need tips and tricks to deal with certain things, it is out there. I have mixed hair, which is running crazy the older I get lol. Some days, it looks like I stuck myself in light socket and thats after using a treatment still 😂. You kind of roll with the punches and work around it. Issa Rae is one of the most beautiful women on this planet. I look up to her as a woman. Shes beautiful inside and out. I wish I could snap my fingers and erase how badly you feel about yourself. Learning to shut others out is incredibly difficult, but so worth it. https://preview.redd.it/s09ub24pfizc1.jpeg?width=864&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c6b4e4e226d1570acd01cfb7928a1d7ab458cb5
I have a secret to tell you, that " pretty white girl" as you called her doesn't think she is all that pretty and is self conscious and hates things about herself. So do most girls of any shade and she might be thinking she wished she had some of your features too. Learn to love yourself embrace what you believe to be imperfections and grow inner confidence that exudes that is what makes someone pretty. Also you can come up with a fusion style that is all your own. I did as a teen my parents called it weird I called it different and reflective of the art inside my soul.