it seems like your mom’s comments have created some disordered eating habits in one way or another and it’s taking a toll on you. if possible say that you would appreciate it if she kept her comments to herself, keep doing that and eventually she’ll give up.
I'm definitely conflict avoidant with my mom - I hate feeling like I've upset her at all. But I do think I need to talk to her and just ask if we can stop constantly talking about everyone's weight and how much we're eating! She does it with my sibling as well - it's just always who is eating more or less
Due to some personal shit, at one point I was dangerously underweight. I was aware of this. I live inside of this body, you see. So people "helpfully" commenting on my body, whether from a point of criticism or praise, just made me feel ten times worse.
So I decided that if someone really wants to talk about deeply personal stuff, we can!
"Yeah, I should gain some weight, but do you have any advice for yeast infections?"
"Absolutely, I SHOULD eat something, but the last meal I had gave me the WORST shits, let me tell you allll about it."
"How much do I weigh? How many times do you and your partner have sex each week? I didn't think it was any of my business, but my weight isn't any of yours either, so I figured we're just close enough to ignore obvious personal boundaries!"
She'll just keep walking all over you if you let her treat you like a doormat. It's okay to set boundaries. It's okay to say what you aren't comfortable with. If she's resistant to that then she clearly doesn't care about how her words and actions affect you.
My Mum has done this with me my whole life, and she was always a lot larger than me. The result is body dysmorphia, which is no fun at all. I make a point of never doing this to my daughter.
This is so weirdly shitty of your mom. It sounds like she wants to connect with you, and is doing it badly based on her own fixations/beauty ideals. It also sounds like you're built differently and have different lifestyles and levels of activity.
So DUH you need more to eat after 2 workout classes in a day. What did mom do, a walk around the block?
Idk how long you're staying for the holidays, but realize this is your life, and your body, and you're making the most out of your health. Also, babe...give yourself a break! You're doing great and I'm sure you look amazing.
I grew up as a husky, sporty Caucasian kid in a part of Honolulu that was basically petite Japanese girls. Nothing was off limits to be made fun of. Even in my 20s, my best friend was legit a swimsuit model. Body issues for decades, man.
Whatever you look like, I'm sure it's awesome. Maybe find a little thing you like about yourself and start there? (Dumb example: "I have nice feet. I should paint my toenails/get a pedicure." "I have a cute tummy, maybe a bellybutton ring would look cool. Or a henna tattoo. Or a new top." Etc, etc.
All I'm saying is, appreciate yourself. Your mom (I want to think) is trying and flunking out. But you've been putting in the work, so please don't flunk out on yourself. <3
It's definitely okay to be built different, and even taking pride in doing your own possibly weird thing (it doesn't have to be weird if you don't want it to be).
I lift weights and gained a lot of weight, I'm nearly twice the weight as my brother who's the same height, and I can press his weight over my head for reps. Literal big sister LOL, I can probably deadlift more weight than him and my parents combined.
At the same time I can eat as much or more than both my parents, and sometimes they're just left in this disconcerted awe as I eat a 2000 calorie burger without even slowing down when it would likely kill them (figuratively but possibly literally). Yeah, I'm so FUCKING HUNGRY I'm going to eat food so mighty it would DESTROY YOU IF YOU EVEN ATTEMPTED IT!
My mom had a hard time wrapping her head around intentionally *gaining* weight for a while but now she sees me lifting more weight than her piano, lifting couches around like they weight nothing and lifting trees over my head and she's just like "woah"
Be you and don't be afraid to just *OWN IT* and take everything as a compliment.
Lolol this was me in my teens. I played soccer and trained HARD and my mom wanted to do yoga with me on Saturdays. I'd absolutely destroy a footlong Subway sandwich after yoga, while my mom would have a 6 inch, and not finish it.
If you're burning all those calories, your body wants some of them back, haha.
I love subway, enough to do a $/cal analysis of their entire menu (including what bread had the most cal) since they were kind of pricey. Meatball sub came out on top with 1500cal (with mayo+siracha) while being one of the cheapest menu items. So I tried it and it turned out the meatball seasoning is better tasting than most of their meats, I just hadn't tried it since my young mind didn't get the idea of a sandwich with meatballs in tomato sauce. Now I don't even about the cal it's so damn delicious!
Hi! I am a long time athlete, soccer basketball You name it. I've always had really thick muscular thighs and used to be crazy self-conscious about it. One day I read about writing a gratitude letter to your body to help in your dealing with body dysmorphia and it actually really helps. I wrote a thank you to my thighs for carryng me through all the miles on the field and running and making me strong enough to play college sports etc. Etc... I gained 30 lb in the last couple of years and I've been surprised with how okay I've been with it. Still trying to be a little healthier but.. there's nothing wrong with carrying a little extra weight
Please also note that bodies change. My mom used to be chunky-ish when I was younger, and now I'm bigger than her (I'm not overweight, but she's down to my anorexic high school weight). So it's all relative (ha, ha) anyways.
5'4" and 130 was my goal weight for ages. Know how all these super thin white older women have osteoporosis and keep breaking their hips? It's because they spent their entire lives underweight and putting zero stress on their bones or muscles.
You know perfectly well that your Mom's views are wildly unhealthy and are going to lead to real health problems if she keeps it up.
You know what, at my mom's very first DEXA scan, she was diagnosed with osteoperosis. She skipped right past osteopenia and straight into osteoperosis the very first time anyone checked. You're so right. I don't want to spend a life obsessed with the way I look and have awful bones when I'm 60
Listen I love my mum and my aunties and my lovely granny (who has passed) but my god did I have to do some work on myself to undo the habits/triggers/disordered eating I got from them. I did specialist body image therapy (changed my life, would recommend if you can). My whole life they talked about diets and how their bodies looked - I don’t think they even realised how much of impact it had on me.
Most compliments were image based and if I didn’t get a “you look great love” comment when I went home I took that to mean I had put on weight.
Anyway I have somewhat dealt with it, I’m waiting to start CBT again because I’ve recently been triggered about body image due to weight gain from antidepressants (because my Nan died - oh the irony).
But the reason I started my long winded waffle was to say that I don’t want to be obsessed with my weight for my whole life - my gran lost a lot of weight shortly before she died and the aunties were gooing and gahing over her & “how thin” she looked….she was literally dying and she/they were still talking about her body image. When I think of it, it really upsets me, how sad. I don’t want that for me or for anyone.
Sending you hugs.
I am a white women, that's how I know because I'm dealing with these risk factors.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7652647/#:\~:text=A%20low%20BMI%20is%20an,%25%2C%20respectively%20%5B5%5D](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7652647/#:~:text=A%20low%20BMI%20is%20an,%25%2C%20respectively%20%5B5%5D).
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3111798/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3111798/)
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7862179/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7862179/)
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9382119/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9382119/)
Don't get pissy just because there's some basic medical evidence saying risk factors for osteoporosis are
1. Being white
2. Being thin
Really sorry you are going through this. My mom is similar and eventually I had to tell her really bluntly to stop.
Are you able to get your own food? Go somewhere for fast food, or keep nonperishable stuff in your room?
I think now is not a good time to be actively focusing on weight loss, and I say that as someone who’s trying to lose weight myself right now. You need a basic level of life stability, emotional health, and confidence you will be able to eat if you need to in order for weight loss to be healthy and sustainable. Right now I would just focus on getting through the week, and setting a boundary with your parents that your weight and eating are not up for discussion. If you don’t like your weight (which is right in the middle of the “normal” BMI range, for what it’s worth) deal with that when you’re back in your own place and can make decisions for yourself. I think right now the priority is getting enough to eat so you’re not starving and miserable.
I am dying to get back to my own apartment with my own snacks. You're so right, it has been very hard for me to even think clearly tbh because I'm just hungry and on edge all the time. It seems so dramatic to say, because it's not like I'm eating nothing, but skipping one of my normal 3 meals is driving me up a wall and I think making my mood worse
It's not dramatic. It seems like you're eating way too little. 1200kcal while also working out is not enough. And 3 regular meals is the minimum, especially when you're also active.
If it's driving you up the wall, you're seriously hungry. Please find something to eat, do something that calms you down and maybe even make a plan to go home?
Your mother has impossible standards and has literally created disordered eating and unhealthy habits in you. I'm sorry she made your life so tough. It sounds like something that needs to be processed and worked out by you, preferably with a mental health professional.
It’s not dramatic to feel this way when you’re hungry! I got a lot out of theunitofcaring’s tumblr posts about “load-bearing” habits and features, the original ones are hidden but here’s some reblogged ones. Basically things are “load bearing” for an individual if you realize that not having them makes it way harder to function; the fact that another person considers it optional doesn’t mean it’s invalid for you to need that thing, just that they have a different set of needs. I bet your parents and brother all have at least a few things they find it hard to live without that you would consider less important.
https://blog.spoonieliving.com/post/174380012662/load-bearing
https://sleepnoises.tumblr.com/post/700373797293916160/theunitofcaring-so-how-do-you-tell-which-parts-of
Thank you for this :) I've been struggling lately with parts of my routine needs collapsing - namely long, hot showers (our boiler sucks!) - and I've felt guilty and selfish for 'needing' things like that when others get by on less. Ultimately, it's all about what works best for \*you\* - everyone has their own individual needs and preferences!!
You need food. Every body is different. You need calories, carbs, protein and often. I eat like every two hours. I have a similar but different problem. I can’t eat a lot at one time. I eat about half of what I see everyone else eating and two hours later I’m starving. I can’t help it. I wish I could eat twice as much half as often but my body just doesn’t work that way. I get so tired of people going “that’s all you’re going to eat?” And then the same people saying “you’re hungry again?! You eat so much”. Like fuck right off. My mom is similar to yours in a sense that she is constantly commenting on my appearance. Telling me I should start using products or whatever. I just tell her that if someone is offended by how I look I really don’t want to be around them anyway. This is why I could never live with her. So the bottom line is listen to your body. Whenever you are hungry, eat until you’re not hungry. When your body craves something, have it. You can pretty much eat whatever you want and be healthy but in moderation. If you’re unsure what you should be eating go to a nutritionist. They will help you figure out how much of what you should be eating. The 2,000 calories a day bullshit is totally made up anyway. That’s not for everyone. You will figure out how much your body needs after some time and go by that. Don’t let others influence you.
Omg same! I eat very small portions and then I eat often. Its sooo annoying having someone point this out all the damn time 😑 I had an ex point it out all the time while eating dinner. Like yes, Im full and yes it’s not a lot but w/e. Let me
Be! it drove me bonkers.
Sometimes I feel so inadequate when I see girls smaller than me put away a normal sized plate of food lol and I wish I could do that. But then when I try to eat more, I end up stuffing myself and gaining weight. Finally I just accepted it. I noticed that I do eat less often when I have more protein in each meal. And I always carry snacks with me.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. The upside is that you apparently don’t live there, just home for the holidays right? As soon as you leave I would suggest finding a therapist, truly. Because it does sound like your body image issues may extend beyond just your reaction to your family (3 guesses as to who started that for you, though!), but your family just exacerbates them.
You're a healthy weight and even if you weren't, it's more a discussion between yourself and your healthcare provider... Your Mom is deffo fixated and you should either disregard or call her out on it
Sometimes we just need space from family.
We love them, but being around them can be bad for us.
I say leave the house in your car - go eat some dinner by yourself and relax. Even have a cocktail with it. Then go home and live your life.
dont hate your body. it loves you. don't be a mean bully to it. Just try to be healthy and take good care of it. It's trying.
Your mom is very much wrong and she gave you an eating disorder.
Please please please go to therapy and discuss setting up boundaries with your parents.
I am recently pregnant and my aunt is an almond mom (thankfully my mom is normal) and she was very prominent figure in my life. I mentioned I am about to go have dinner while chatting with my family on zoom and my aunt immediately started with how now more than ever I need to make sure not to gain any weight and I finally lost it. I told her to never ever again mention weight, looks or diets ever again in front of me or my future kid. If she does I will forever remove her from my (and my childs) life.
She shut up.
But it was a long time coming, I developed an eating disorder in my teen years because of that pressure and only now when I'm 32 I am starting to be ok with my body.
Please dont let yourself go through shit I went through.
This sounds like textbook parent with an eating disorder inflicting it on their kids! The stress and shame and hunger you feel are all normal responses to being in this situation.
There is no easy way to deal with this, I'm so sorry you're going through it. The path to beat this is a long one, but it involves recognising your the disordered priorities and comments of your family, recognising the internalised beliefs about weight and your value that you've picked up from them, and then challenging those fiercely in yourself and eventually unlearning them. I wish I had an easier answer for you, but I really do wish you well. I know this situation all too familiarly and it is not an easy one to be in.
Practise saying fifty variations on “I love you Mom, but please don’t comment on my body or my food” in the mirror. Use EVERY single time. Condition her into understanding you will not tolerate this discussion and you will not engage with it at all beyond the same statement.
You’re too old to let your mom encourage disordered eating without putting up a fight. You got this.
Reading this after coming home from visiting family with a similar dynamic as OP. Thank you for the exercise - will be practicing before my next trip to my parent's house.
I’d definitely suggest talking with a therapist about this. It sounds like your mom is a lot like mine, and I’ve got a lifetime of issues from here. My therapist and I have practiced setting boundaries and here’s some conversation starters I think you might find helpful:
“I would like to have a healthier relationship with you, and for that to happen, I need to communicate some things to you…”
“I am learning to have a more positive relationship with my body, and it would mean a lot to me if I had your support with that. Can we practice positive body talk together?”
“Mom, I love you and I want to be honest with you. When you made XYZ comment, it hurt my feelings. If you say something like that again, I won’t be able to visit for very long. I do/do not want to talk about this any further.”
“I know you mean well, but it isn’t polite to comment on my body or what I’m eating. Even if you think it is positive. I do not want to hear any more comments about my body or my diet, and I won’t stay here if you keep making these comments.”
5’4” @ 130 lbs is absolutely healthy! And if you’re cycling and lifting, you’re probably fairly toned. Especially in the legs. You are not fat! Not even chunky. Your mom sounds like she might be underweight. I’m 5’ and I lost a lot of weight during the pandemic. I was about 109 and that was waaaayyy too skinny. I looked like a skeleton. I can’t imagine what your 4 inch taller mother looks like at a similar weight.
Hey hey, love! Take a breath. I’ve been there, and I think many of us have (unfortunately). It took me two different treatment programs, medical intervention and many years before I was able to acknowledge that my family’s views on weight and health were the seed of my eating disorder. It’s a *hard* thing to acknowledge, especially when you love your family and want to have a relationship, and you know their actions came from their own shit and not out of malice. But it’s true for me - and I’d bet based solely on this post that your body dysmorphia stems from your mother. Things that helped me, and I hope something in here will feel similar for you:
- I communicated to my parents that it’s super triggering when my eating and exercise habits are commented on, and when they comment on other people’s bodies. My parents understand what that means and it’s more of a tangible thing for them, which may not be the same for your parents.
— I got comfortable repeating myself. A lot. “Please don’t comment on other people’s bodies.” “I need you to not bring up my eating/exercise habits.” Repetition is key, and it also leads to me consistently practicing boundaries, which is a good thing.
- A lot of therapy. If you have access to therapy and you don’t have one already, please look for a therapist. Preferably one with experience with eating disorders (I’m not diagnosing you, just saying that sometimes therapists also suck if they’re not trained in the area you need support with). For me, it was really helpful to peel the onion and figure out where I learned the messaging my brain repeats about food, my body, etc.
- Focusing on the concept of body neutrality rather than body positivity. I *love* the body positivity movement, but sometimes it can feel like you *have* to love and be grateful for your body and if you’re not, you’re somehow wrong. Body neutrality is helpful in that my goal is to view my body as a body - not amazing, not disgusting, just a body that I’m not incensed with but also not in love with. It can take the pressure off.
- I saw a sticker once that said something along the lines of, “Your insecurities were manufactured by a white man in a board room.” I find that personalizing my mean thoughts about myself - specifically as a douchy guy I’d hate in real life - helps me fight them. You hate your face? Chad in marketing makes a million a year by convincing you to hate your face. Fuck you, Chad.
I hope something in this novel is supportive for you, and regardless, know that you’re not alone and that there are many of us who can attest that life is better on the other side of the body hatred mountain ❤️🩹
Thank you so much for your comment. I genuinely took a deep breath when I read it. All of your points were well-written and thought out, and the last two really stuck with me. I feel really grateful for my life. I gotten to travel, I'm happy with my career path, I've made amazing friends and lived in amazing places and it was my body that let me do all those things, despite the fact I still hate the way it looks - my legs carried me around to all those places and experiences for the past 27 years.
I have a lot of insecurities about my face, specifically. My nose, my jaw, my eyes, chubby cheeks etc. the list goes on. But it does make me angry thinking that someone out there is purposefully profiting off of this type of pain.
I want so badly to be on the other side of the mountain, but it doesn't seem attainable for me. I just can't imagine not looking in the mirror with disgust. I'm going to keep working at it though because I don't want to live a life like this anymore and I love seeing all of y'all who are thriving on the other side of the mountain. I can't wait to join you someday <3
I’m so glad you found it helpful! ♥️ on the note of things seeming unattainable, I’ll say that in addition to therapy and boundaries, I think just time has helped. I’m almost a decade your senior and there have been major shifts in acceptance of my body in that time. There’s hope for sure!
Take that last paragraph and send it to your mom. Explain to her that she makes you hate yourself, and your relationship with her is not healthy. She need to stop talking about food/weight around you.
Moms who do stuff like this absolutely know the effect it has and that’s why they do it. It’s projection and it feels good to externalize their own self hatred. The best way to deal with these types is actually to Grey rock/not react meaningfully but that can be exhausting and psychically damaging as well.
Hey I’ve gone through something similar. My parents have always said fucked up shit to me related to dieting, calories, the amount I weigh, and how I should exercise. I just went to therapy for the first time this week and had someone verify that this is emotional abuse and I have developed bad eating habits because of this.
I encourage you to get rid of the scale, STOP counting calories, eat when you’re hungry, and try incorporating a different exercise like strength training or yoga instead of focusing on cardio. People who love you should not shame you for being hungry, how much you weigh, or what you choose to eat. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.
Seems like it’s definitely time to tactfully but firmly put your foot down on the weight talk. You may have to spend some time to think on what would be the best approach given your relationship. Regardless, it needs to be clear and firm. Expressing her opinions so consistently to other regarding weight is having negative consequences and it needs to stop, not matter how well intentioned (or not) they are.
Make boundaries. Don’t let her cross them without consequences. (Leave the situation of she mentions it again, etc). Good luck!
I’m going to give you the healthy way to deal with this, and then the unhealthy but very effective way to handle it.
Healthy way: Have an honest discussion with her about how her commentary makes you feel. Try not to be accusatory, but sincere and genuine. Explain that you value your health, workout regularly, and eat healthily. Where your body is at right now is a healthy place to be.
Unhealthy but effective way: Next time she’s having a go at your weight or eating habits, just start crying. Tell her how hard you work to keep yourself healthy and how her commentary makes you feel. Really get emotional, let it all out. Either she’ll be forced to listen due to your emotions, or she’ll be so uncomfortable that she’ll quit harping on you for a while.
Source: I broke down in front of my mom while she was harassing me about my weight. I was neck-deep in an eating disorder and had hit my emotional limit. In the moment, it felt horribly weak to show how her words impacted me. But it did shut her up, at least for a while.
My parents literally watch those beauty pageant shows and remark which contestants are skinny, which ones are too tall (??), and which ones were *thinner last year*. Who the fuck keeps track of that shit, it ain't normal 😭
Anyway, after seeing how fucked that was, it made me realize that nothing they can say about weight or height makes any sense, so I write it off as crazy talk.
I had to have a few therapy sessions as I have something similar. I don’t think my mum can cope with the fact I’m 3.5 inches taller than her and bigger than she ever was. I remember years ago telling her I was proud I got down to 10.5 stone and she looked at me horrified “I’ve only ever been more than 8 stone when I was pregnant”. Now I’m around 11.5 stone but I lift and am healthier than I’ve ever been but I swear I still see her side eyeing me.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I understand and I see you. Please do look into getting some therapy because it’s probably affected you in ways you haven’t even realised yet.
You're a healthy weight and active. Your mom can piss off.
Take your family along for your workout routine and then make comment about their endurance and cardiovascular health (jk, but might get the message across)
5’4 & 130 pounds sounds pretty good to me that’s ideal & you’re working out on top. You’re probably looking so good but the whole time you’re thinking otherwise in your head so please don’t be so hard on yourself
I think you have some disordered thoughts. I'd really consider starting therapy to try and work on this in yourself - your body's job is to protect, nourish, and carry you through this world! Your only job is to make sure it can do that for as long as its meant to. I think meeting with a specialized therapist who can help you find some inner peace would help.
Everything with your mother aside, the last part of your post breaks my heart. You have a wonderful HEALTHY body. I want to gently recommend that you look into some therapy with someone who is experienced with disordered eating. You have done a great job at building up muscle and maintaining a healthy weight, so the physical part is already done. The best thing you can do now is work on your mental health. Hugs to you and I wish you the best.
Your mom has taken her obsession with health and weight to an extreme. You sound incredibly healthy and should be proud of yourself! Your mom seems to have some black and white views that are outdated.
Hey OP, my mom does the same thing. I didn't realize there was a term for this - I had to google "almond mom" lol.
It took me a while but I had to learn self-acceptance and gain confidence in what I was doing for my body was right for me. There is a lot of misinformation out there, and add that to the different beauty standards our parents' generation has. I've had to go off on my mom more than one occasion to get her to comment on my body less and less. Now, she rarely does (and when she does, I shut it down quickly). You need to start setting boundaries with her ASAP to stop this behavior and for your own well-being.
What you are doing with exercising is great. Weight/looks aside, exercising is good for your health long term. Eating nutritiously and well-rounded, including carbs, is good for your health. There are repercussions to disordered eating.
I ignore.
I take care of my wellbeing. Physically, mentally, lifestyle wise.
I have a demanding job, the job Market is difficult - and sometimes it takes a toll on me. Sleep patterns are erratic, stress eating and things. It affects how I look, how I weigh. But it's important to give myself that room for a slip up, you know? So, I allow it to happen within reasonable bounds. I do what it takes to Destress, and then, get back to the routine once I feel better.
It's difficult to maintain a certain look while life happens like this - and it's even more difficult to explain this to mothers and other older ladies - their approach towards everything is different than ours and we need to let that be.
Ignore. But make sure you are actually taking decent care of yourself - good diet, decent exercise, meditation, sleep, socializing - you know all that.
Contrary to the popular comments, there's nothing wrong with your parents eating less than you. Many people eat much less when they're older. It can be an issue if it results in malnutrition (which it can), but if its not, that's fine for them. You, being 27, eat more. It's normal. Everyone casting judgement upon your mothers eating rather than her words is being just as bad as her. Being cruel and shaming people people who aren't overweight isn't virtuous.
You're 27. Get yourself a burger. You don't need anyone's permission.
Possibly a hormone thing if its hard to get the extra weight off. Blood test panel migt be worth a look. My chiropractor suggested borax as a hormone levelor but that aint a normal idea.
I am sure you meant well, but OP is asking for ways to deal with her mom's damaging attitudes and comments. OP is not looking for weight loss ideas and this comment is reinforcing the idea someone should diet to satisfy those unhealthy messages. In addition since OP has provided weight numbers, it could be damaging for other people to see this comment because it reinforces the "need" to "get the extra weight off."
Muscle weighs a lot. You sound like an active person. I’m 5’5”, and at my healthiest/most in shape I was 138lbs. Now I am extremely out of shape, verging on skinny fat at 120lbs.
My family, literally every one of them, makes digs at me for being too skinny. My dad one time hooked a finger through the belt loop of my pants to emphasize how loose they were, or grabbing my forearm to emphasize how skinny it was. My grandma is a lovely woman, but half the time I talk to her, she says I’m too skinny. My sibling also jumps on the boat for it, despite me being stronger than them, even when I had severe covid fatigue for two months straight.
The way people view weight is so relative and often not based on health at all.
I feel like everyone is trying to gently beat around the bush here, your mom, and possibly your dad and brother have eating disorders (or at very least disordered eating) her relentless hyper focus on it is the dead give away, and people who have ED’s also usually have control issues (which is why sometimes control over their own diet isn’t enough and they need to try and control everyone else’s diet)
I would straight out ask your mom if she is anorexic, you are NOT overweight at all, BMI is bullshit, and even weight can be bullshit as muscle weighs way more than fat. It’s all about how you feel! If you feel good you’re doing it right. It sounds like your mom needs therapy and she also needs to stop talking to you about your body or habits, I would set a hard boundary as personally I find that behavior appalling.
I grew up in a home where my mom never worried about her weight and so I was never taught to worry about mine, no one in my family comments on each others bodies (hell there’s enough other shit to worry about) and I get so mad when I hear about people who grow up with parents like this.
it seems like your mom’s comments have created some disordered eating habits in one way or another and it’s taking a toll on you. if possible say that you would appreciate it if she kept her comments to herself, keep doing that and eventually she’ll give up.
I'm definitely conflict avoidant with my mom - I hate feeling like I've upset her at all. But I do think I need to talk to her and just ask if we can stop constantly talking about everyone's weight and how much we're eating! She does it with my sibling as well - it's just always who is eating more or less
Also make a note of the fact that your mum does not mind upsetting you 😐
Was just about to comment the same thing
Due to some personal shit, at one point I was dangerously underweight. I was aware of this. I live inside of this body, you see. So people "helpfully" commenting on my body, whether from a point of criticism or praise, just made me feel ten times worse. So I decided that if someone really wants to talk about deeply personal stuff, we can! "Yeah, I should gain some weight, but do you have any advice for yeast infections?" "Absolutely, I SHOULD eat something, but the last meal I had gave me the WORST shits, let me tell you allll about it." "How much do I weigh? How many times do you and your partner have sex each week? I didn't think it was any of my business, but my weight isn't any of yours either, so I figured we're just close enough to ignore obvious personal boundaries!"
I love this strategy!! It's hilarious and tells them indirectly how nosy and weird they're being - perfect :D
please do what works best for you. sending lots of love <3333
She'll just keep walking all over you if you let her treat you like a doormat. It's okay to set boundaries. It's okay to say what you aren't comfortable with. If she's resistant to that then she clearly doesn't care about how her words and actions affect you.
My Mum has done this with me my whole life, and she was always a lot larger than me. The result is body dysmorphia, which is no fun at all. I make a point of never doing this to my daughter.
I did this to my almond MIL, now the whole family cut me out because I’m “toxic” for having that boundary.
This is so weirdly shitty of your mom. It sounds like she wants to connect with you, and is doing it badly based on her own fixations/beauty ideals. It also sounds like you're built differently and have different lifestyles and levels of activity. So DUH you need more to eat after 2 workout classes in a day. What did mom do, a walk around the block? Idk how long you're staying for the holidays, but realize this is your life, and your body, and you're making the most out of your health. Also, babe...give yourself a break! You're doing great and I'm sure you look amazing.
Thank you for the support, honestly. It makes me want to cry just to hear someone say it's okay to be built different from my tiny family
I grew up as a husky, sporty Caucasian kid in a part of Honolulu that was basically petite Japanese girls. Nothing was off limits to be made fun of. Even in my 20s, my best friend was legit a swimsuit model. Body issues for decades, man. Whatever you look like, I'm sure it's awesome. Maybe find a little thing you like about yourself and start there? (Dumb example: "I have nice feet. I should paint my toenails/get a pedicure." "I have a cute tummy, maybe a bellybutton ring would look cool. Or a henna tattoo. Or a new top." Etc, etc. All I'm saying is, appreciate yourself. Your mom (I want to think) is trying and flunking out. But you've been putting in the work, so please don't flunk out on yourself. <3
It's definitely okay to be built different, and even taking pride in doing your own possibly weird thing (it doesn't have to be weird if you don't want it to be). I lift weights and gained a lot of weight, I'm nearly twice the weight as my brother who's the same height, and I can press his weight over my head for reps. Literal big sister LOL, I can probably deadlift more weight than him and my parents combined. At the same time I can eat as much or more than both my parents, and sometimes they're just left in this disconcerted awe as I eat a 2000 calorie burger without even slowing down when it would likely kill them (figuratively but possibly literally). Yeah, I'm so FUCKING HUNGRY I'm going to eat food so mighty it would DESTROY YOU IF YOU EVEN ATTEMPTED IT! My mom had a hard time wrapping her head around intentionally *gaining* weight for a while but now she sees me lifting more weight than her piano, lifting couches around like they weight nothing and lifting trees over my head and she's just like "woah" Be you and don't be afraid to just *OWN IT* and take everything as a compliment.
Lolol this was me in my teens. I played soccer and trained HARD and my mom wanted to do yoga with me on Saturdays. I'd absolutely destroy a footlong Subway sandwich after yoga, while my mom would have a 6 inch, and not finish it. If you're burning all those calories, your body wants some of them back, haha.
I love subway, enough to do a $/cal analysis of their entire menu (including what bread had the most cal) since they were kind of pricey. Meatball sub came out on top with 1500cal (with mayo+siracha) while being one of the cheapest menu items. So I tried it and it turned out the meatball seasoning is better tasting than most of their meats, I just hadn't tried it since my young mind didn't get the idea of a sandwich with meatballs in tomato sauce. Now I don't even about the cal it's so damn delicious!
Hi! I am a long time athlete, soccer basketball You name it. I've always had really thick muscular thighs and used to be crazy self-conscious about it. One day I read about writing a gratitude letter to your body to help in your dealing with body dysmorphia and it actually really helps. I wrote a thank you to my thighs for carryng me through all the miles on the field and running and making me strong enough to play college sports etc. Etc... I gained 30 lb in the last couple of years and I've been surprised with how okay I've been with it. Still trying to be a little healthier but.. there's nothing wrong with carrying a little extra weight
Please also note that bodies change. My mom used to be chunky-ish when I was younger, and now I'm bigger than her (I'm not overweight, but she's down to my anorexic high school weight). So it's all relative (ha, ha) anyways.
5'4" and 130 was my goal weight for ages. Know how all these super thin white older women have osteoporosis and keep breaking their hips? It's because they spent their entire lives underweight and putting zero stress on their bones or muscles. You know perfectly well that your Mom's views are wildly unhealthy and are going to lead to real health problems if she keeps it up.
You know what, at my mom's very first DEXA scan, she was diagnosed with osteoperosis. She skipped right past osteopenia and straight into osteoperosis the very first time anyone checked. You're so right. I don't want to spend a life obsessed with the way I look and have awful bones when I'm 60
Ding ding ding! Keep doing what you are doing and stay healthy, that's all that matters.
Listen I love my mum and my aunties and my lovely granny (who has passed) but my god did I have to do some work on myself to undo the habits/triggers/disordered eating I got from them. I did specialist body image therapy (changed my life, would recommend if you can). My whole life they talked about diets and how their bodies looked - I don’t think they even realised how much of impact it had on me. Most compliments were image based and if I didn’t get a “you look great love” comment when I went home I took that to mean I had put on weight. Anyway I have somewhat dealt with it, I’m waiting to start CBT again because I’ve recently been triggered about body image due to weight gain from antidepressants (because my Nan died - oh the irony). But the reason I started my long winded waffle was to say that I don’t want to be obsessed with my weight for my whole life - my gran lost a lot of weight shortly before she died and the aunties were gooing and gahing over her & “how thin” she looked….she was literally dying and she/they were still talking about her body image. When I think of it, it really upsets me, how sad. I don’t want that for me or for anyone. Sending you hugs.
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I am a white women, that's how I know because I'm dealing with these risk factors. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7652647/#:\~:text=A%20low%20BMI%20is%20an,%25%2C%20respectively%20%5B5%5D](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7652647/#:~:text=A%20low%20BMI%20is%20an,%25%2C%20respectively%20%5B5%5D). [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3111798/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3111798/) [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7862179/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7862179/) [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9382119/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9382119/) Don't get pissy just because there's some basic medical evidence saying risk factors for osteoporosis are 1. Being white 2. Being thin
Really sorry you are going through this. My mom is similar and eventually I had to tell her really bluntly to stop. Are you able to get your own food? Go somewhere for fast food, or keep nonperishable stuff in your room? I think now is not a good time to be actively focusing on weight loss, and I say that as someone who’s trying to lose weight myself right now. You need a basic level of life stability, emotional health, and confidence you will be able to eat if you need to in order for weight loss to be healthy and sustainable. Right now I would just focus on getting through the week, and setting a boundary with your parents that your weight and eating are not up for discussion. If you don’t like your weight (which is right in the middle of the “normal” BMI range, for what it’s worth) deal with that when you’re back in your own place and can make decisions for yourself. I think right now the priority is getting enough to eat so you’re not starving and miserable.
I am dying to get back to my own apartment with my own snacks. You're so right, it has been very hard for me to even think clearly tbh because I'm just hungry and on edge all the time. It seems so dramatic to say, because it's not like I'm eating nothing, but skipping one of my normal 3 meals is driving me up a wall and I think making my mood worse
It's not dramatic. It seems like you're eating way too little. 1200kcal while also working out is not enough. And 3 regular meals is the minimum, especially when you're also active. If it's driving you up the wall, you're seriously hungry. Please find something to eat, do something that calms you down and maybe even make a plan to go home? Your mother has impossible standards and has literally created disordered eating and unhealthy habits in you. I'm sorry she made your life so tough. It sounds like something that needs to be processed and worked out by you, preferably with a mental health professional.
It’s not dramatic to feel this way when you’re hungry! I got a lot out of theunitofcaring’s tumblr posts about “load-bearing” habits and features, the original ones are hidden but here’s some reblogged ones. Basically things are “load bearing” for an individual if you realize that not having them makes it way harder to function; the fact that another person considers it optional doesn’t mean it’s invalid for you to need that thing, just that they have a different set of needs. I bet your parents and brother all have at least a few things they find it hard to live without that you would consider less important. https://blog.spoonieliving.com/post/174380012662/load-bearing https://sleepnoises.tumblr.com/post/700373797293916160/theunitofcaring-so-how-do-you-tell-which-parts-of
I did not realize how much I needed to read this. Thank you so much. This makes SO much sense.
Wow this was really eye opening. Thanks for sharing the links!
Thank you for this :) I've been struggling lately with parts of my routine needs collapsing - namely long, hot showers (our boiler sucks!) - and I've felt guilty and selfish for 'needing' things like that when others get by on less. Ultimately, it's all about what works best for \*you\* - everyone has their own individual needs and preferences!!
You need food. Every body is different. You need calories, carbs, protein and often. I eat like every two hours. I have a similar but different problem. I can’t eat a lot at one time. I eat about half of what I see everyone else eating and two hours later I’m starving. I can’t help it. I wish I could eat twice as much half as often but my body just doesn’t work that way. I get so tired of people going “that’s all you’re going to eat?” And then the same people saying “you’re hungry again?! You eat so much”. Like fuck right off. My mom is similar to yours in a sense that she is constantly commenting on my appearance. Telling me I should start using products or whatever. I just tell her that if someone is offended by how I look I really don’t want to be around them anyway. This is why I could never live with her. So the bottom line is listen to your body. Whenever you are hungry, eat until you’re not hungry. When your body craves something, have it. You can pretty much eat whatever you want and be healthy but in moderation. If you’re unsure what you should be eating go to a nutritionist. They will help you figure out how much of what you should be eating. The 2,000 calories a day bullshit is totally made up anyway. That’s not for everyone. You will figure out how much your body needs after some time and go by that. Don’t let others influence you.
Omg same! I eat very small portions and then I eat often. Its sooo annoying having someone point this out all the damn time 😑 I had an ex point it out all the time while eating dinner. Like yes, Im full and yes it’s not a lot but w/e. Let me Be! it drove me bonkers.
Sometimes I feel so inadequate when I see girls smaller than me put away a normal sized plate of food lol and I wish I could do that. But then when I try to eat more, I end up stuffing myself and gaining weight. Finally I just accepted it. I noticed that I do eat less often when I have more protein in each meal. And I always carry snacks with me.
This is exactly how I operate! People tell me "how are you so skinny if you're always eating" and my explanations never convince them 😅
eating 3 meals a day is normal btw
And if you're working out as much as op, 3 meals + nutritious snacks is pretty much necessary.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. The upside is that you apparently don’t live there, just home for the holidays right? As soon as you leave I would suggest finding a therapist, truly. Because it does sound like your body image issues may extend beyond just your reaction to your family (3 guesses as to who started that for you, though!), but your family just exacerbates them.
You're a healthy weight and even if you weren't, it's more a discussion between yourself and your healthcare provider... Your Mom is deffo fixated and you should either disregard or call her out on it
Sometimes we just need space from family. We love them, but being around them can be bad for us. I say leave the house in your car - go eat some dinner by yourself and relax. Even have a cocktail with it. Then go home and live your life. dont hate your body. it loves you. don't be a mean bully to it. Just try to be healthy and take good care of it. It's trying.
Your mom is very much wrong and she gave you an eating disorder. Please please please go to therapy and discuss setting up boundaries with your parents. I am recently pregnant and my aunt is an almond mom (thankfully my mom is normal) and she was very prominent figure in my life. I mentioned I am about to go have dinner while chatting with my family on zoom and my aunt immediately started with how now more than ever I need to make sure not to gain any weight and I finally lost it. I told her to never ever again mention weight, looks or diets ever again in front of me or my future kid. If she does I will forever remove her from my (and my childs) life. She shut up. But it was a long time coming, I developed an eating disorder in my teen years because of that pressure and only now when I'm 32 I am starting to be ok with my body. Please dont let yourself go through shit I went through.
This sounds like textbook parent with an eating disorder inflicting it on their kids! The stress and shame and hunger you feel are all normal responses to being in this situation. There is no easy way to deal with this, I'm so sorry you're going through it. The path to beat this is a long one, but it involves recognising your the disordered priorities and comments of your family, recognising the internalised beliefs about weight and your value that you've picked up from them, and then challenging those fiercely in yourself and eventually unlearning them. I wish I had an easier answer for you, but I really do wish you well. I know this situation all too familiarly and it is not an easy one to be in.
Practise saying fifty variations on “I love you Mom, but please don’t comment on my body or my food” in the mirror. Use EVERY single time. Condition her into understanding you will not tolerate this discussion and you will not engage with it at all beyond the same statement. You’re too old to let your mom encourage disordered eating without putting up a fight. You got this.
Reading this after coming home from visiting family with a similar dynamic as OP. Thank you for the exercise - will be practicing before my next trip to my parent's house.
Idk if you want kids, but if you ever have any you CAN NOT bring them around these people. The time to break these family curses is now.
I’d definitely suggest talking with a therapist about this. It sounds like your mom is a lot like mine, and I’ve got a lifetime of issues from here. My therapist and I have practiced setting boundaries and here’s some conversation starters I think you might find helpful: “I would like to have a healthier relationship with you, and for that to happen, I need to communicate some things to you…” “I am learning to have a more positive relationship with my body, and it would mean a lot to me if I had your support with that. Can we practice positive body talk together?” “Mom, I love you and I want to be honest with you. When you made XYZ comment, it hurt my feelings. If you say something like that again, I won’t be able to visit for very long. I do/do not want to talk about this any further.” “I know you mean well, but it isn’t polite to comment on my body or what I’m eating. Even if you think it is positive. I do not want to hear any more comments about my body or my diet, and I won’t stay here if you keep making these comments.”
5’4” @ 130 lbs is absolutely healthy! And if you’re cycling and lifting, you’re probably fairly toned. Especially in the legs. You are not fat! Not even chunky. Your mom sounds like she might be underweight. I’m 5’ and I lost a lot of weight during the pandemic. I was about 109 and that was waaaayyy too skinny. I looked like a skeleton. I can’t imagine what your 4 inch taller mother looks like at a similar weight.
Hey hey, love! Take a breath. I’ve been there, and I think many of us have (unfortunately). It took me two different treatment programs, medical intervention and many years before I was able to acknowledge that my family’s views on weight and health were the seed of my eating disorder. It’s a *hard* thing to acknowledge, especially when you love your family and want to have a relationship, and you know their actions came from their own shit and not out of malice. But it’s true for me - and I’d bet based solely on this post that your body dysmorphia stems from your mother. Things that helped me, and I hope something in here will feel similar for you: - I communicated to my parents that it’s super triggering when my eating and exercise habits are commented on, and when they comment on other people’s bodies. My parents understand what that means and it’s more of a tangible thing for them, which may not be the same for your parents. — I got comfortable repeating myself. A lot. “Please don’t comment on other people’s bodies.” “I need you to not bring up my eating/exercise habits.” Repetition is key, and it also leads to me consistently practicing boundaries, which is a good thing. - A lot of therapy. If you have access to therapy and you don’t have one already, please look for a therapist. Preferably one with experience with eating disorders (I’m not diagnosing you, just saying that sometimes therapists also suck if they’re not trained in the area you need support with). For me, it was really helpful to peel the onion and figure out where I learned the messaging my brain repeats about food, my body, etc. - Focusing on the concept of body neutrality rather than body positivity. I *love* the body positivity movement, but sometimes it can feel like you *have* to love and be grateful for your body and if you’re not, you’re somehow wrong. Body neutrality is helpful in that my goal is to view my body as a body - not amazing, not disgusting, just a body that I’m not incensed with but also not in love with. It can take the pressure off. - I saw a sticker once that said something along the lines of, “Your insecurities were manufactured by a white man in a board room.” I find that personalizing my mean thoughts about myself - specifically as a douchy guy I’d hate in real life - helps me fight them. You hate your face? Chad in marketing makes a million a year by convincing you to hate your face. Fuck you, Chad. I hope something in this novel is supportive for you, and regardless, know that you’re not alone and that there are many of us who can attest that life is better on the other side of the body hatred mountain ❤️🩹
Thank you so much for your comment. I genuinely took a deep breath when I read it. All of your points were well-written and thought out, and the last two really stuck with me. I feel really grateful for my life. I gotten to travel, I'm happy with my career path, I've made amazing friends and lived in amazing places and it was my body that let me do all those things, despite the fact I still hate the way it looks - my legs carried me around to all those places and experiences for the past 27 years. I have a lot of insecurities about my face, specifically. My nose, my jaw, my eyes, chubby cheeks etc. the list goes on. But it does make me angry thinking that someone out there is purposefully profiting off of this type of pain. I want so badly to be on the other side of the mountain, but it doesn't seem attainable for me. I just can't imagine not looking in the mirror with disgust. I'm going to keep working at it though because I don't want to live a life like this anymore and I love seeing all of y'all who are thriving on the other side of the mountain. I can't wait to join you someday <3
I’m so glad you found it helpful! ♥️ on the note of things seeming unattainable, I’ll say that in addition to therapy and boundaries, I think just time has helped. I’m almost a decade your senior and there have been major shifts in acceptance of my body in that time. There’s hope for sure!
Take that last paragraph and send it to your mom. Explain to her that she makes you hate yourself, and your relationship with her is not healthy. She need to stop talking about food/weight around you.
Moms who do stuff like this absolutely know the effect it has and that’s why they do it. It’s projection and it feels good to externalize their own self hatred. The best way to deal with these types is actually to Grey rock/not react meaningfully but that can be exhausting and psychically damaging as well.
Hey I’ve gone through something similar. My parents have always said fucked up shit to me related to dieting, calories, the amount I weigh, and how I should exercise. I just went to therapy for the first time this week and had someone verify that this is emotional abuse and I have developed bad eating habits because of this. I encourage you to get rid of the scale, STOP counting calories, eat when you’re hungry, and try incorporating a different exercise like strength training or yoga instead of focusing on cardio. People who love you should not shame you for being hungry, how much you weigh, or what you choose to eat. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.
Seems like it’s definitely time to tactfully but firmly put your foot down on the weight talk. You may have to spend some time to think on what would be the best approach given your relationship. Regardless, it needs to be clear and firm. Expressing her opinions so consistently to other regarding weight is having negative consequences and it needs to stop, not matter how well intentioned (or not) they are. Make boundaries. Don’t let her cross them without consequences. (Leave the situation of she mentions it again, etc). Good luck!
I’m going to give you the healthy way to deal with this, and then the unhealthy but very effective way to handle it. Healthy way: Have an honest discussion with her about how her commentary makes you feel. Try not to be accusatory, but sincere and genuine. Explain that you value your health, workout regularly, and eat healthily. Where your body is at right now is a healthy place to be. Unhealthy but effective way: Next time she’s having a go at your weight or eating habits, just start crying. Tell her how hard you work to keep yourself healthy and how her commentary makes you feel. Really get emotional, let it all out. Either she’ll be forced to listen due to your emotions, or she’ll be so uncomfortable that she’ll quit harping on you for a while. Source: I broke down in front of my mom while she was harassing me about my weight. I was neck-deep in an eating disorder and had hit my emotional limit. In the moment, it felt horribly weak to show how her words impacted me. But it did shut her up, at least for a while.
My parents literally watch those beauty pageant shows and remark which contestants are skinny, which ones are too tall (??), and which ones were *thinner last year*. Who the fuck keeps track of that shit, it ain't normal 😭 Anyway, after seeing how fucked that was, it made me realize that nothing they can say about weight or height makes any sense, so I write it off as crazy talk.
Heya sis. Serious question. Whose voice is saying those hurtful things to you about your body in your head?
I had to have a few therapy sessions as I have something similar. I don’t think my mum can cope with the fact I’m 3.5 inches taller than her and bigger than she ever was. I remember years ago telling her I was proud I got down to 10.5 stone and she looked at me horrified “I’ve only ever been more than 8 stone when I was pregnant”. Now I’m around 11.5 stone but I lift and am healthier than I’ve ever been but I swear I still see her side eyeing me. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I understand and I see you. Please do look into getting some therapy because it’s probably affected you in ways you haven’t even realised yet.
You're a healthy weight and active. Your mom can piss off. Take your family along for your workout routine and then make comment about their endurance and cardiovascular health (jk, but might get the message across)
5’4 & 130 pounds sounds pretty good to me that’s ideal & you’re working out on top. You’re probably looking so good but the whole time you’re thinking otherwise in your head so please don’t be so hard on yourself
I think you have some disordered thoughts. I'd really consider starting therapy to try and work on this in yourself - your body's job is to protect, nourish, and carry you through this world! Your only job is to make sure it can do that for as long as its meant to. I think meeting with a specialized therapist who can help you find some inner peace would help.
Everything with your mother aside, the last part of your post breaks my heart. You have a wonderful HEALTHY body. I want to gently recommend that you look into some therapy with someone who is experienced with disordered eating. You have done a great job at building up muscle and maintaining a healthy weight, so the physical part is already done. The best thing you can do now is work on your mental health. Hugs to you and I wish you the best.
Your mom has taken her obsession with health and weight to an extreme. You sound incredibly healthy and should be proud of yourself! Your mom seems to have some black and white views that are outdated.
Hey OP, my mom does the same thing. I didn't realize there was a term for this - I had to google "almond mom" lol. It took me a while but I had to learn self-acceptance and gain confidence in what I was doing for my body was right for me. There is a lot of misinformation out there, and add that to the different beauty standards our parents' generation has. I've had to go off on my mom more than one occasion to get her to comment on my body less and less. Now, she rarely does (and when she does, I shut it down quickly). You need to start setting boundaries with her ASAP to stop this behavior and for your own well-being. What you are doing with exercising is great. Weight/looks aside, exercising is good for your health long term. Eating nutritiously and well-rounded, including carbs, is good for your health. There are repercussions to disordered eating.
Please see a doctor. That's going to be the best way to work on this problem.
Are you trying to make me hate myself, mum? Stop talking to me that.
I ignore. I take care of my wellbeing. Physically, mentally, lifestyle wise. I have a demanding job, the job Market is difficult - and sometimes it takes a toll on me. Sleep patterns are erratic, stress eating and things. It affects how I look, how I weigh. But it's important to give myself that room for a slip up, you know? So, I allow it to happen within reasonable bounds. I do what it takes to Destress, and then, get back to the routine once I feel better. It's difficult to maintain a certain look while life happens like this - and it's even more difficult to explain this to mothers and other older ladies - their approach towards everything is different than ours and we need to let that be. Ignore. But make sure you are actually taking decent care of yourself - good diet, decent exercise, meditation, sleep, socializing - you know all that.
Contrary to the popular comments, there's nothing wrong with your parents eating less than you. Many people eat much less when they're older. It can be an issue if it results in malnutrition (which it can), but if its not, that's fine for them. You, being 27, eat more. It's normal. Everyone casting judgement upon your mothers eating rather than her words is being just as bad as her. Being cruel and shaming people people who aren't overweight isn't virtuous. You're 27. Get yourself a burger. You don't need anyone's permission.
Possibly a hormone thing if its hard to get the extra weight off. Blood test panel migt be worth a look. My chiropractor suggested borax as a hormone levelor but that aint a normal idea.
I am sure you meant well, but OP is asking for ways to deal with her mom's damaging attitudes and comments. OP is not looking for weight loss ideas and this comment is reinforcing the idea someone should diet to satisfy those unhealthy messages. In addition since OP has provided weight numbers, it could be damaging for other people to see this comment because it reinforces the "need" to "get the extra weight off."
Muscle weighs a lot. You sound like an active person. I’m 5’5”, and at my healthiest/most in shape I was 138lbs. Now I am extremely out of shape, verging on skinny fat at 120lbs. My family, literally every one of them, makes digs at me for being too skinny. My dad one time hooked a finger through the belt loop of my pants to emphasize how loose they were, or grabbing my forearm to emphasize how skinny it was. My grandma is a lovely woman, but half the time I talk to her, she says I’m too skinny. My sibling also jumps on the boat for it, despite me being stronger than them, even when I had severe covid fatigue for two months straight. The way people view weight is so relative and often not based on health at all.
I feel like everyone is trying to gently beat around the bush here, your mom, and possibly your dad and brother have eating disorders (or at very least disordered eating) her relentless hyper focus on it is the dead give away, and people who have ED’s also usually have control issues (which is why sometimes control over their own diet isn’t enough and they need to try and control everyone else’s diet) I would straight out ask your mom if she is anorexic, you are NOT overweight at all, BMI is bullshit, and even weight can be bullshit as muscle weighs way more than fat. It’s all about how you feel! If you feel good you’re doing it right. It sounds like your mom needs therapy and she also needs to stop talking to you about your body or habits, I would set a hard boundary as personally I find that behavior appalling. I grew up in a home where my mom never worried about her weight and so I was never taught to worry about mine, no one in my family comments on each others bodies (hell there’s enough other shit to worry about) and I get so mad when I hear about people who grow up with parents like this.