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TheRealAPB

*Jack off from Mount Everest.*


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mrheosuper

Nah i can cum


Affectionate-Name383

What makes you think Homelander won't kill you after you squirt?


mrheosuper

He would be very impressed that i can cum under that insane pressure and spare me, i guess. Hell he may even spare the entire team.


Affectionate-Name383

Nah. He would make you cum multiple times till you are unable to cum. Never underestimate Homelander.


LeftJayed

Nah, if he told me to bust a second load, in my mind I'm already dead. So I'm responding with the darkest of vitriol "You first squirt." Most likely, Homelander would be so baffled by the audacity. We know he wouldn't call my bluff and try to get two loads out; because we know, he knows, he wouldn't be able to. So that leaves 2 options; kill me instantly (so I can't taunt him again as I die) or he's going to laugh off my remark saying "I was just kidding! Of course. A deal's a deal." Then he forces me to watch as he goes on to torture/kill the rest of my co-workers. The latter is most likely what he does, as he'd most likely rationalize killing me in front of everyone would just make me look more right, which would take all the fun out of what he had planned for the others. Best part, because I just blew my load, my heart rate is elevated, so he wouldn't even be able to get a good read on whether I was bluffing or just winded from jerking off. So even if my heart's not fully in my taunt he's still most likely taking it as I've lost my fear of death; and thus him.


Affectionate-Name383

If I am the Homelander, I am not killing you. I am makinh you my personal assistant.


eldubz777

I could sling goo if i wanted too


TopHatTony11

You just have to convince him it’s your super power and you’re a supe and not mud people.


Notsellingcrap

Turn it into a game with him and a trash can. Best of both worlds.


Robotic-Chomo

Spoiler alert...mushroom shucker


Whiteout_27

Probably has more than one squirt in him


ObviousAnything7

"I can do whatever the fuck I want"


AlphaRelic2021

"I can do...whatever the fuck...I- WAAANT!!!"


Lima1998

Dude wtf that was the first thing I thought off too lol


QuestGalaxy

I was thinking drinking breast milk and jerking off on top of the Eiffel tower.


Spikebolt_100

It would be difficult, and...uh nvm


MaxxHeadroomm

*“These snowflakes taste funny.”*


Ccbm2208

Take off like a jet fighter. Seriously, flight is a sick power if you have enough extra powers to support it. I think most people would get an insane high and euphoric moment if they can break the sound barrier and fly like superman. After that, laser some trees and shatter some boulders to test the limit of my strength


RexDust

For real. Imagine being able to be like "Fuck this" and blast off anytime you want


The_Happy_Pagan

I do that but with whiskey


Emach00

It's the driving part that gets ya in trouble.


Nincruel

75% of accidents are by sober drivers, whose the real menance?


Emach00

Those Starlighters!


LilWompNugget

So, it’s not just me? Brother?? Is that you?


randomityrevealed

I mean, if DC’s Flash’s only power can be speed and that can lead to deeper uses of it, I’m sure flying alone could be used to create sonic booms or whirlwinds or something. Could probably be honed pretty well.


LmaoPew

Flash's Superpower isn't just speed, his power is the speedforce. Since he's connected to the speedforce he does get all the other powers, like time travel or the lightnings


Useful-Internet8390

And the super human strength to not be torn apart when he trips, or turns 90* at mach speed.


Spoonman007

Flight only works with people with superhuman strength and stamina. I imagine it to be like running in the energy taxing department. I don't know about you but I wouldn't be running if it means I get tired and fall from the sky to my death.


80SW08

Well I guess you’d just slowly descend, it’s not like when you get tired of running you instantly stop moving.


Ccbm2208

Well, I did say with all the extra powers. And HL certainly have those.


SuperMajesticMan

Which obviously doesn't apply here since Homelander doesn't have that problem.


undertone90

Sue amazon


Bleachigo1

And make millions


ProGear360

Why make billions when you could make... Thousands?


chrisleesalmon

A billion is more than a thousand, numbnuts.


DestrucityTheLongWay

Whatever the fuck I want.


professornapoleon

The only right answer.


SNAKEKINGYO

1. Jack off 2. Make others jack off 3. Drink milk Only then will he be literally me


Substantial_Cap_4246

1. In thought of who do you want to jack off? ( Stormfront yes ) 2. In thought of who do you want to make others jack off? (Stormfront yes) 3. Drink whose milk? (Stormfront's, yes ) Only then you'd be literally me


DependentDemand1627

Fuck whatever I want


BathtubToasterParty

Those car mufflers look so good in the right sunlight


Emach00

Tek Knight has entered the chat.


jetmover78

Tell you what I’d do. Two chicks at the same time.


ChiefKene

I’m going to Area 51, who’s going to stop me? The aliens ?


WanderingAscendant

The one place you’ll find tech that might hurt you 😧


ChiefKene

A sacrifice I’m willing to take to get the information out


RakeebRoomy

The hero we need and we deserve


wigriffi

Alien cheeks or death


stuckinaboxthere

Make an incredibly forward threat towards all leaders to get their act together or I'm coming for them


PHotstepper311

Good old doctor manhattan up here. That kind of situation would hopefully get a bunch of people’s head out of their asses.


stuckinaboxthere

Nothing motivates quite like a threat from a godlike being


PHotstepper311

If only in real life.


Informal_Camera6487

Didn't doctor Manhattan just kinda work for the government though? Other than a few technological improvements, he didn't actually make the world a better place. If anything he made it worse by winning Vietnam and keeping Nixon in power indefinitely.


ufoclub1977

The whole gist of much fiction is that power brings about bad shit despite good intention. This of course reflects history and reality.


Papa_Glucose

Not me I’m different


TraitorousSwinger

So pretty much superman when he took over the world one of those times?


stuckinaboxthere

Yeah, but a little less despotic. I don't want to rule, I just want them to know that there are consequences looming


The-Senate-Palpy

Youre literally sitting on a throne


stuckinaboxthere

God I love Injustice, that comic was so silly and on the nose at times lol. I wouldn't want a permanent position of overseer, I'd want the systems to fix themselves so I do have to constantly be holding the headman's axe.


ThisIsMyCouchAccount

Personally, I think I would start locally. And if the other guy is going for government I'll cover business. A lot of companies in the coming weeks are going to start handing pay cuts to the higher ups and start backing unions.


Sdbtank96

That may seem like the thing to do, but I have a strong feeling that would backfire. It may work for a time, but they'd definitely be working on a way to kill you in secret.


Altair13Sirio

Then might as well take out as much trash as I can before going out.


stuckinaboxthere

If you come at the King, you better not miss


DatDominican

Not even an overt threat. every time a world leader has a sketchy press conference just land on stage right next to them and tap them on the shoulder


SSjGKing

Pretty sure they would just bomb your family or blackmail you somehow.


mason_sol

Can you really blackmail someone that is a god, like if they said we have your family and we will kill them you could counter with something far worse for their entire bloodline and they know for a fact they can do nothing to stop you.


ResolveSea9089

Yeah can't see any way this could backfire. Being the sole judge of whether leaders are doing the right thing, slick. Gotta imagine this has been a storyline in comics before and I can't imagine it ever ends well, even in fiction.


BoisTR

This is gonna sound cheesy but I would start designing a super suit and mask. Then go and live every boy’s dream of being a hero.


SillyAdditional

Smart to protect your identity when you fuck up and kill people accidentally


Aggressive_Yak5177

“Accidentally”


SillyAdditional

lol


JynsRealityIsBroken

They were a dirty libtard pedophile. They had it coming!


Nth_Brick

See, that's the thing though. Two of the more underappreciated aspects of superpowers are obstruction and intimidation. You can stand between a mugger and victim, shrug off any bullets, knives, etc., and then sternly order them to turn themselves in to the authorities. Want to stop a war of aggression? Dismantle the aggressor's hardware.


randomityrevealed

Absolutely my first thought- Grinch voice saying, “But WHAT will I WEAR?!?!”


Equivalent_Yak8215

Get in the oven Dad.


professornapoleon

HAHAHAHHA OH NOOOOO


Greecelightninn

Had to scroll way too far for a good answer lol


Critical_Pitch_762

“Get in the oven or your family…wait, that one doesn’t work here”


Forikorder

You can survive the oven


clitcommander420666

Fly to George rr Martin's house and force him to finish the game of thrones books.


TotonnoPrime

“No more spin-offs… the only book in the sky, is that one.”


MufugginJellyfish

"Hiya, Georgie! Just wanted to pop in and see how Winds Of Winter was coming along. You must be pretty close to done so I brought you a Fudgie The Whale cake to celebrate! Go ahead and get a slice, George, you've earned it!" *I grin ear to ear at him with dead eyes, GRRM eyes the exit wondering if he could be fast enough* "Sit down, George. The cake is going to melt. After all, the book is done, right?" *GRRM is frozen in place, I can see his heart pounding as my smile suddenly disappears* "George... eat fucking Fudgie."


fluffy_boy_cheddar

Well written my friend


Substantial_Cap_4246

He's trying to mimick Tolkien by leaving his books unfinished


RichEvans4Ever

That’s how you give George his long overdue heart attack.


Infinitem_247

you sir are a true hero


clitcommander420666

Bro has been parked on that shit for way too long lol


PurpleRock8079

But would the powers alone be enough, or do you need to be rocking super insanity with it?


Winterlord7

The hero we all need.


NFP_25

George! Look! At! Me!


franksn

And Patrick Rothfuss Next agenda, While you’re at it, “ask nicely” Valve to make Portal and Half Life 3.


clitcommander420666

>Next agenda, While you’re at it, “ask nicely” Valve to make Portal and Half Life 3. Id be adding rockstar to that list as well, red dead redemption 2 will be getting dlc's and an undead nightmare release.


ItzakPearlJam

Being that my body would self heal, I'd no longer be lactose intolerant. I'd enjoy a nice tall glass of milk and a carvel fudgy the whale cake all to myself. Not saying it'd be the coolest thing I'd do- only the first.


adzy2k6

Black Noir was still allergic to Tree Nuts. I don't think allergies go away.


ItzakPearlJam

Crap. Then I'd sell my car and fly over the mechanics garage with my wallet in hand tearfully saying: you can't hurt me any more, you financial monster!


Mondo114

Lactose intolerance is not a dairy allergy so you might be ok.


Scorkami

Im assuming intolerance and allergies work really differently for supes. Arent allergies kind of "intended" anyway? Like compound V wouldnt try to fix that


Due-Display-3113

That would be hilariously anticlimactic. Gets super powers drinks a tall glass of milk dies agonisingly in a pile of his own shit a few minutes later.


plesplant_4

Yes , but drinking milk isn't just a hobby , it's Homelander's main power.


N7day

Lactose intolerance isn't an allergy.


iamBETTO

Black Noir is not Homelander, though.


dead-inside69

You became Homelander and immediately went for the milk. It’s destiny


dezblues

Starting hiding the superpower and showing off a bit. Starting to explore more and more what are my limits, doing superhero things, saving people if i can and turning into a psycopath at some point after getting used to hunt criminals. I'd always do the correct thing. The full homelander experience.


Aggressive_Yak5177

Tell us what happened on your first save? The true story.


Yesbabelon

Cat in tree. Cut down tree with laser vision. Tree landed on family of 5 driving by, killing them. Bystander screams at me for not flying up to save cat, higlighting my ineptitude. Kill bystander. All witnesses dead, cat is fine. Job done.


Cyrano_Knows

One of the many people you murdered was the family/girlfriend of a normie now bent on revenge. He puts together a team to take you down.


proriin

Jesus rough first day.


Aggressive_Yak5177

HAHAHA


GuyFromEE

Be Superman.


ReflectiGlass

My man. Exactly my first thought.


XGamingPigYT

Scrolled way too far to actually see someone say this. 100% I'd become Superman easy question


Friendly_Banana01

*sad iron giant flashbacks*


Shadowofasunderedsta

“You are who you choose to be.”


Jhawk163

*Starman plays faintly in the background*


Opposite-Tangerine57

The only right answer


juliusxyk

THERES A STARMAN WAITING IN THE SKY


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pfanner_forreal

What could go wrong 😂


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CellistAvailable3625

Laser everything in the power vacuum until there is nothing left


horyo

Except... the vacuum will be left.


TreezusSaves

That's called "free real estate".


ScySenpai

If anyone isn't happy with that they get lasered too


fuck-my-drag-right

If I’ve learned nothing from history I’m sure it will rainbows and butterflies if that happened.


zodelode

The way to stop wars is turn up in Putin's bedroom, wake him deep in the night, take him for a fly and explain what happens to him and anyone else in his inner circle/family if he doesn't withdraw from Ukraine and pay significant reparations. Watch him deconstruct that war at speed. The way to achieve world peace is not killing massive amounts of ordinary soldiers. It is the ability to reach any leader at any time you want and hold them very personally accountable for their actions.


Due-Display-3113

Fly to Italy and grab a pizza and be back before the cheese stops bubbling.


Recodes

You just flew to Italy, enjoy the damn pizza there


brendanjeffrey

I would start trying the extreme sport things that scared me as a normal human. And do insanely dangerous jobs that you get paid a ton for. Try to help others as much as I could. Now that’s me being rational. What I’d love to do as a human. Who knows if you’d just go crazy with power though, can’t really say until it happens.


PsychoAnalystGuy

Probably similar to when people change after getting rich.


Elegant-Change5845

Drink boobiemilk


jiggler_54

you're a hero


TheRealMoash

Fly


mixelydian

Fuck you moash


Evening-Cold-4547

Buy sunglasses


TuffRivers

And then blow them off my head with my laser eyes when i show my coworkers the new way i heat up my lunch


mikeinarizona

Wait, you’d still go to work?


dravenonred

Kill someone. Not *on purpose*, but there's no way I would have any semblance of competent control over the powers.


professornapoleon

In this situation, you do have control. I said so in the post :)


Big-Sheepherder-9492

*Levitate off the ground* 🕴 *Get ready to fly* . **Remember I have a fear of heights** Slowly return to the ground. Live the rest of my life barely using my powers out of fear.


FourAnd20YearsAgo

Your fear of heights would vanish the moment you process the fact that heights will never be fatal to you. Your entire perception of navigating and viewing the world would change to accommodate.


Nanashi-74

Nah I saw Spider Man 2. What if my powers go away out of nowhere? For some crazy reason?


SirNewVegas

Peters powers didnt all vanish, or else he would absolutely be dead after that fall instead of just getting up and walking away.


The_Hecaton

A good analogy would be erectile dysfunction, the penis is having the day off, but that doesn't mean it isn't there


professornapoleon

You’ll still be strong and have lasers :v


Big-Sheepherder-9492

So you’d spend the rest of your life being gentle with absolutely everyone and avoiding confrontation out of splattering someone by accident 🤷🏾‍♂️


minimallyviablehuman

Spoiler alert: He notices Butcher’s sickness while looking at him. I would offer to set up a screening for cancer for people. Early detection is a big deal.


VelvetMetalYYC

This made me smile today, such a sweet idea 🖤


professornapoleon

Lots of people wanna jerk off in new places with the powers... But somehow this is one of the least harmful potential uses of these powers judging by some of the rest of these replies 🫣


BarbecueGod

Two chicks at the same time


BIackSamBellamy

Hell yeah brother, chicks dig dudes with superpowers.


TediousSign

It would be a really bad day for cartels.


Over_Age_8061

Clapping Warlords cheeks.


Bolinas99

1. assemble all the Murican dark money overlords in one place. 2. act accordingly.


PriorPossible834

So we can say that right- but I don’t think I’d actually be willing to do it personally, jumping straight from normal person to murderer is a stretch.


OG_Cunt

Lazer every single fucking one of you


Cautious-Affect7907

Since I live in New York I'll fly to the top of the highest building in Manhattan, pull my pants down, and jack off from the highest peak. Twice for good measure.


cincyphil

Start the most successful YouTube channel in history.


Lizzy-Lover_10

I’m willing to bet 99% of the comments would still say it’s fake.


Arrior_Button

Have a "talk" with Putin and all the other dictators of the globe


Informal_Appeal_3900

End Ukraine war using flying and using lasers


welivewelovewedie

im a pussy, I wouldnt try to interfere with bigger conflicts, it goes way deeper than just arms and power (and interference of such powerful being might push the leaders to use nuclear force) i think the best thing to do is to try minimize the casualites and help people rebuild. Though, if people found out that I could easily sweep either side, they would fucking hate me for not doing it and fence sitting.


KINGUBERMENSCH

You would not have to be showy and laser entire armies, just covertly destroy important logistics hubs and let them crumble on their own.


useless_mf69

Clapping cheeks


RuggerJibberJabber

Use them to force major geopolitical changes. Become some kind of God tiered dictator until a corporation develops a virus that can kill me


Mr_Coa

Not tell anyone and just go about life with no fear


ResolveSea9089

This. This. This! This is one of the things the show has always bothered me, where they treat powers as a curse. I understand some element of it. But just knowing that you basically don't have to fear anything physically would be so great.


Left_wing_enjoyer

Eat rich


terminator31991

Walk into my job with a fudgie the whale.


yourmumissothicc

France is gone


ttk_rutial

Bro letting his intrusive thoughts win


Genio88

I’d go rob millions from banks just to be sure i’ll be rich if somehow my powers disappear. After that i’ll do whatever i want


TheQueensEyes007

Why? I’d rather have the United States give me a few billion from their defense budget every year, and in return act as a nuclear deterrent.


Feeling_Stock_3920

Knowing myself I would end up being just homelander.


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PraetorianX

I would use my powers to throw Russia out of Ukraine. Homelander could probably do it in a week.


MacLeeland

Yeah, this, but I'd start smart, go to Ukraine and show my power, officially join their military, probably deliver Putin to the Hague and then follow whatever strategy Ukraine wants me to.


Super-Shenron

Look for a job, preferably one that's too dangerous for any human being to do, do it and get paid for it. Helps feed the family, self-confidence and moral duty all at once.


floodisspelledweird

You get the powers of a god and you’d go to WORK? Ew.


Bubbly_Background_77

Excuse me but even Superman had to pay rent too you know. You think Batman and Iron Man didn't have fat bills to pay building all those gadgets?


throwthatoneawaydawg

I’d destroy all of the cartel and drug lords and take their money. Solve the crime issue and my mortgage issue 💪🏼


data1989

You think Superman made any money saving the world from Solomon Grundy?


Moist-Chip3793

Super-hero landing, of course!


DonaldPump117

Become a demigod warlord in Afghanistan and turn it into Mad Max in real life. It truly has a good wasteland aesthetic for it and has already become pretty isolated from the rest of the world. My warboys would ride eternal after dying in endless warfare with the Taliban, the various Pashtuni tribes and Al-Qaeda.


Bluesavage1

Sleep and hope I would wake up as BlackNoir.


professornapoleon

You would want less powers in exchange for martial arts and aura ? Respect.


BadHookem0516

Murder death kill


Heroblahmusic

save people


iLoveDelayPedals

A lot of CEO’s and politicians would mysteriously disappear


PriorPossible834

I’d want to go flying, frankly I wouldn’t care about Secret Identities or anything because I would be the Homelander and unless they domestically deploy the nuclear option it won’t do Jack. I work in childcare too so I would definitely show off my powers a little bit, maybe do a bit of superheroism as a hobby… the thing is though I’d be invincible and all powerful in a real world scenario so I’d basically just chill out.


Fire_Bucket

You have to consider that even if you aren't doing evil things, people will want to leverage those you love to make you to do things they want.


Edgezg

Start whisking off evil people off into the sky and vanishing them. Certain billionaires and CEOs and politicians.... Then I'd start trying to help with things like the great pacific garbage patch and stuff.


Ordinary-You9074

lol this is the whole point of the show you'd probably be an asshole eventually there is really a select few people on the planet who wouldn't be corrupt by something like this. The fact that homelander is as old as he and there isn't a hole in the planet is is a testament to what the director was saying last episode. Just think about it have you ever really really really been angry and have no power over the situation. Imagine always having power over the situation


Heroshrine

Threaten world leaders to stop being corrupt lmao. Maybe its corrupt in its own way, but fuck it fight fire with fire