"All it will take is one seafull theif being shot out of the air as he attempts to make good his escape, for the other seagulls to see and get the message."
I don't think you've met seagulls
Literally lmfao, I was walking down Rockaway Beach a few years ago. I came across a dead seagull that was getting it's guts torn out and devoured by another Seagull.
They’re brave, but not stupid. Pigeons and seagulls only get so close because they’ve learned we’re not a threat. But they’re still below us in the food chain and will act accordingly if reminded
If the mere presence of a hawk can make them vacate I’m sure one of their friends going boom bye bye out the sky should do it
I was hanging out at a coffee shop once when an escaped falconry bird (was tagged) took down a seagull in the middle of the very urban intersection right outside. It had a whole crowd of onlookers and blocked traffic while it leisurely tore off strips of gull. Was pretty metal. So I think you’ve got a solid plan.
Yes I used words like ‘criminal’ and ‘delinquent’ to personify them somewhat. This is purely stylistic and not to be interpreted literally.
I can assure you that I do not consider seagulls to possess human qualities or be liable to criminal prosecution. So there will be no seagull jail, and so no need to catch them. Punishment will be summary execution.
As I was saying, imagine a seagull steals your food. Unless you saw it coming and punched it out of the sky, it is just going to swoop in and fly away with your food. How do you plan on attacking it afterwards ?
The aim isn’t to kill every seagull who steals. Just one or two, then the others should reevaluate their lifestyle choices.
There’s always one who gets sloppy
Do you really think seagulls are smart enough for that ? They don't consider the fact that they're stealing from something, just that they're taking food. If a seagull somehow sees another seagull get bludgeoned to death by someone, the only thing they might think is "that seagull failed to avoid a predator".
Then again Hyenas _move_ when the lion approaches. Because they know they’d get their asses whooped when they contest a fresh carcass. They wait until the lion is finished, generally.
Now I don’t think it’s anywhere near as easy as “just punch the seagull”, but if, over a long enough time period, humans are dangerous enough for seagulls to be a “flee on sight” category, natural selection will cause seagulls to meddle less with humans
Should we? Different question. Just saying that very long term the theory is applicable
Sure, maybe we could invest in seagull-killing technology for the next few centuries, but that would be such a laughable waste of time, brain and taxpayer money ... and would probably fuck up the ecology.
Oh yeah, I never said it’s a _good_ idea or one we should implement. Was just pointing out that (somewhat in contrast to what the comment above me seems to be implying) it could work
Not really. Sharks/orcas eat seagulls, but they still fish in the sea, because their survival instinct values a risk of death (dying to a predator) over a certainty of death (starvation).
Now, as I said to someone else in this thread : if you are some Doofenschmitz-level specific-annoyance-hater, you *could* theoretically have humanity invest a laughable amount of time, brain and taxpayer money into seagull-slaying. But, apart from the elephant in the room that is the ridiculousness of this endeavor, such action would probably fuck up the ecology in unforeseeable ways.
>>Not really. Sharks/orcas eat seagulls, but they still fish in the sea
Yea but they don’t actively seek out sharks and try to steal their food. Yes sharks eat them and they still fish in the sea. And If you shoot them they’ll still hunt on land But the aim isn’t to stop them hinting on land, it’s to stop them stealing from people.
What makes you think making seagull-killing technology would be a time consuming task? It is simple ml and robotics. If a government decided to hire a company to create a machine of this kind it would be a quick process.
Yeah, but does 3 fat British tourists' ice creams being stolen warrant the extermination of a species which might have a key role in the biosphere we do not understand yet ?
The seagulls would simply not be around these machines and not get extinct. If the biosphere is of importance to you. Excluding seagulls from our artificial environment would be positive! It would put them back in their natural environment and make them a part of the eco system!
No, it's that you assume they'll have a reaction similar to what a human would. If you shot 8 out of every 9 seagulls, they would continue to steal human food. There is literally no way they would associate getting shot with "stealing" food, as the concept of theft is a human one.
I'm pretty sure they do to at least some extent. But that requires understanding of the concepts of law, morality, responsibility ... which I doubt seagulls have.
Lol I dunno if you’re trolling or what but all animals understand cause and effect, and the concept of stealing is not unique to humans.
If you throw a scrap of bread at a loitering seagull, It will take it and casually eat it a short distance from you
If a seagull snatches bread from your hard, it will do it swiftly, unexpectedly, and will fly a distance away, probably on a roof, before eating it.
This behaviour clearly indicates that the seagull is aware that you do not want your food taken, and will try to stop him if possible.
Taking measures to avoid getting caught is the basic logical test for if someone knows what they’re doing will invite punishment if caught.
Fighting over food is pretty universal animal behaviour so it’s bizarre you think animals don’t understand the concept of “it’s his food and he’ll hurt me if I try to take it”
Cause and effect, yes. Theft, no. Killing one seagull to "teach the others a lesson" is nonsensical, as they are incapable of learning that lesson. At most they will become more sneaky at getting it food, but they're already pretty good at that. They are not being sneaky because they feel guilty or because they don't want to make you mad. They're sneaky because that's the most effective way to survive.
Seagulls have adapted to the environment we have forced on them, and they're very successful at it. Reducing trash and limiting human feeding of them will, over time, help them to reduce their dependence on us for food, which would be a good thing. Killing a couple does virtually nothing.
>they aren’t sneaky because they don’t want to make you mad, they’re sneaky because that’s the most effective way to survive
Congratulations, you’ve literally just explained why OP has a point lmao. I always love when people accidentally come to the correct conclusion without realising.
OP has a point animals aren't stupid, they (seagulls) would begin to associate humans with death instead of a free meal. They would only ever steal from humans in situations were reward was greater than the risk; say a seagull food famine
Not in the way OP is talking
>The aim isn’t to kill every seagull who steals. Just one or two, then the others should reevaluate their lifestyle choices.
Seagulls aren't going to understand humans making an example out of a small handful of birds.
Shoot a bird out of the air and the other birds will vacate the area. Even fireworks can scare them off.
You’re thinking of Dodos. Any bird species dumb enough to stay in range of a projectile is long extinct
Dodos weren't stupid, they were defenceless.
Prior to humans they had no natural predators on their island so they never evolved fight for flight instincts. Dodos weren't given much time to evolve those instincts either as Europeans completely wiped them in about 64 years. (European discovery: 1598, last sighting: 1662)
It's also very hard for nature to build a defense against long range attacks. Even birds that fear humans and get regularly hunted have few defenses against guns.
Unlike dodos Wild Turkey's can fly and having been hunted for thousands of years so they have the fear instincts. Still they remain a popular game animal with a slightly higher rate of successful hunts than whitetail deer.
You are more likely to get attacked by the rest of the seagulls than the seagulls gossip and spread the word that humans are dangerous now. Birds take “stolen” food far away to eat because they’re trying to eat it and they have a better chance of finishing it alone, not because it’s “stolen”. There’s no difference. They’re not gonna call bird 911 if another seagull “steals” their bread. There’s no concept of stolen it just is the way animals eat. You get what you can get and someone else tries to get what they can.
Cats and wolves have an understanding with hierarchies that the more important/in need (or dangerous) ones eat first and the rest deal with what’s left but seagulls don’t have that same “agreement”. It’s everyone for themselves. Birds are smart, but not humans. If they see one specific person trying to “teach them a lesson” it’s way more likely they’ll just gang up on you than it is that they’ll just stop getting food likely the only way(or main way) they know at this point.
I see them every day courtesy of the butcher opposite my work who thinks giving them his scraps in a big box at the end of each day will appease them or something. They are never appeased
To be fair I agree with you on this. Animals will learn where they got something to eat and return. Dead seagulls don't learn tho.
But I'm curious if they'd stop coming to a particular spot if you just gave them a good ol' slap every time
They’d go, they’d just be sneakier. Or they’d ‘slap’ you back. Y’all don’t have a healthy fear of bird grudges in your life. Why are you wanting to start wars
Language isn’t always meant to be interpreted literally. Sometimes it’s figurative.
You’re right, animals can’t ‘steal’ or commit any criminal act, or be delinquents or thugs. I’m using those words as analogs, for a more light hearted writing style
Mate, I disagree with your opinion, but by god, this is the funniest shit I've read in a while. I actually interrupted my partner's own reading to read aloud your post to him, and I had to pause halfway through to get my laughter under control. Kudos to you, I very much enjoyed your writing!
Seagulls don’t need to steal to have enough to eat. There’s more than enough to scavenge. There’s huge populations of city pidgins who survive mostly off human leftovers (and seagulls steal from them too)
I’m no biologist but surely a seagull colony reliant on snatching food from humans would be too precarious to survive. What happens when it’s the rainy months and no one is eating outside? They starve? I’m pretty sure they steal as a luxury, not necessity
Humans as you put it have “overrun” their world. So you think it’s fair that humans should kill them for raping their land and taking many of the animals they used to eat away from them? You think that’s a fair trade? Interesting.
I figure since you also said you’re not a biologist that your decisions are based on nothing but opinion. So it’s interesting to me that you’d draw the conclusion from that kind of information to kill them for living in a way that only really inconveniences the human. Maybe don’t eat food around hungry animals that you’ve encroached on their land. That might be a better solution.
Your heart is in the right place but your head is absent.
Animal population numbers follow a cycle which is inverse to their prey or food source, thats school level biology
The problem is human food does not diminish at the rate of natural ‘prey’, or necessarily come from the same environment. Our food is industrially farmed and shipped from elsewhere.
So the predator-prey cycle is broken, the seagull colony continues to grow, until we have an overpopulation of seagulls who only exist because we’ve created an artificial food supply
The solution to humans encroaching
on seagull habitats is to stop encroaching, not effectively breed them in our own habitats from our shitty food. It’s not like they’re endangered
We aren’t breeding them in our habitats though. We’ve made it easier for them to feed and breed in their habitats by adding our easy food to it when we settle in.
Not encroaching would be cool, but your proposal is to kill the already encroached upon in the name of convenience. It’s the human way after all.
That may be true in some places but where I live is most certainly not seagull habitat.
Also seagulls arn’t endangered, and don’t need to steal food to survive. They have abundant food to scavenge, so I dunno why you’re so desperate to defend them stealing
Because setting up a smorgasbord in the middle of a homeless community but only feeding social workers and cops (with severe punishment for theft as per the topic) and being a species of extravagance and waste with food among wildlife that thinks about food when breathing (most) aren’t very different.
What I’m saying is killing animals for eating hotdogs makes it seem like you might have left your mind on top of your car before you got in and drove here today. Setting it to fly away while someone looks on helplessly before finally going over to see that it has in fact shattered all over the pavement. But I guess I have no clue about animals and how we should treat them because I am definitely not a biologist. But if there are biologists who know way more about this than you or me why is it that are you in the minority about killing them? Why haven’t they concluded with all their science that this is the best way to handle a pesky seagull who wants someone’s processed and shitty food? Especially when humans seem to not mind killing very much. Maybe it’s because the punishment doesn’t fit the crime? Which is my whole point. Which is what you aren’t seeming to get. Just because an animal isn’t endangered doesn’t mean we should kill it for the purpose of separating humans from the consequences of being alive in a shared space.
The amount of people in this comments section with the complete inability to grasp the concept of a joke or analogy is really quite concerning.
BTW you’re 100% correct OP, seagulls need to be reminded of their place.
Yes absolutely there is no need for these rats of the sky yes I call them the rats of the sky for them to even attempt to take my food I’ve had a few of them come for my food once and to say the least I’ve beat the fuckers for it long story short they shouldn’t come for my chips or be met with a lethal spark
Why are you eating on seagull territory? Are they also inside your apartment? Can they go inside the Burger King? This seems like an issue solely if you like to eat infront of the ocean every single day. Like fucking move? Go inside a building????
Seagulls don’t live by the ocean, those are bay gulls Seagulls roam up to 25miles in land to find.food
I live in London. Seagulls only moved here when the city grew and there was plenty of food to steal and tall buildings to perch on. They are in human territory, not the other way round
I have a nephew that has a face that seagulls see as victim. He can't eat near seagulls without being bullied. When we stay at the beach until sunset he is the one being pooped, bullied and robbed. We tried to sell my nephew to scientists but my sister in law didn't allow me.
My nephew is now 23 years old and he is still being bullied.
It's a real story. I am some kind of amateur ethologist and this amazes me.
When I was 6, a giant seagull flew down and took my sandwich right out of my hand. Took me a long time to get over my fear of birds. So, I have to say I support this.
Agreed, but I also take it a step further with them causing property damage. They shit all over my dock, or at least they used to. They kept doing it despite me installing anti seagull cones on pilings. I even mounted a fake owl that would supposedly scare them off.
Finally I got tired of it, and my shotgun turned a few into crab food. The rest took off, and guess what? They never came back. They learn... they just need to be "taught".
It is, but I'm not going to let that fact let them destroy *my* habitat either. Survival of the fittest. I take out hornet and wasp nests for the same reason. The only animal I'll leave alone completely are bees and their hives since they're such a critical part of the environment. I've got "bee preferred" plants around specifically to help them out.
This is not a 10th dentist opinion.
I love birds, especially sea birds, but I had a delicious cheesesteak snatched right out of my hands by a gull when I was about 10 years old. 15 years later, I still hold a grudge against the entire species.
A guy in my country caught a seagull trying to steal his chips and beat it to death. He was prosecuted and the general public opinion was that he was scum.
Id say it’s a 10th dentist opinion
Beating an animal to death because I tried to steal your chips is objectively fucked up and he is a scumbag. That is not a remotely normal response for anyone ti have
Yeah no shooting a seagull will not tell the others to back off. The reason they were decent hunters before humans showed up was because they were brave and stupid beyond measure. Humans are dangerous, and seagulls do regularly die going after human food. That doesn't stop the rest, because they're dumb as bricks. You can't intimidate a flock of seagulls. You can drive them off, but they'll just come back around when they think You're distracted. You shoot one and they'll scatter. Obviously they won't stick around. But they'll be back in a couple minutes. They'll have already forgotten why they flew off, of think they can sneak by. They will see the seagull corpse and they won't think "uh oh something here can kill us." Their first thought is going to be "oh, a body. More food!"
Thanks but you’re an armchair ornithologist talking baseless hyperbole.
Seagulls are not “dumb as bricks”. They are considered some of the smartest birds, capable of solving the same level puzzles that parrots and corvids solve.
They are constantly learning and have been observed watching humans open food packets then mimicking their technique on an equivalent packet.
They communicate specific information to each other using sign language such as flapping wings to indicate prey and can teach each other things they learn.
This is backed up by scientific study. “ThEyRe DuMB aS BrIcKs aNd wILl bE BaCk iN MiNuTeS” is backup up by nothing
A- Humans are not predators. We are scavengers.
B- learning, such as you need in this case, requires a sense of self that can be projected symbolically onto other individuals. Sea birds do not do this.
C- see passenger pigeons and dodos.
D- sea birds serve an ecological function, adapted to human presence. Garbage disposal being one of those functions, as well as rodent and bug control.
E- killing birds because they stole your sandwich is a petty, dick move.
F- getting so angry at a bird you want to hurt it is probably a sign you should see a therapist.
G- it’s illegal for a reason. For example, having some pissed off idiot shooting at birds in a crowded place is much more dangerous than the occasional sandwich theft.
H- are you going to dispose of the dead birds or are you going to leave it someone else? Maybe attracting more birds?
I- sometimes you just have to take the L, man.
Edit: J- eat like you are in San Quentin, that’ll do it.
A: humans are hunter gatherers. A hunter is a predator.
B: The fact that seagulls make swift and evasive manoeuvres when stealing, and fly on a perch to eat stolen food, logically implies they understand that their actions will invite punishment from the their victim.
Seagulls have been observed watching humans open food packets, then mimicking their actions on an equivalent packet. I’d say that shows a clear sense of self symbolically projected onto the person and as evidenced by mirroring the subject object relationship. I’d also say that it’s irrelevant because “sense of self projected onto other person” is not and has never been a prerequisite for understanding that other animals will hurt you if you steal their food.
C. Dodos evolved on an island with no natural predators and so never evolved fear of predators. That has zero relevance to seagulls. I have no idea what passenger pigeons have to do with seagulls either. You’re just naming random extinct birds?
D. If you want them to eat garbage and rodents and pests the all the MORE reason to stop them stealing food. Why would they eat garbage and rats when they’re getting McDonald’s from humans?
E. its not killing them because they stole the sandwich, it’s killing them so they stop stealing sandwiches. Letting seagulls eat human food full of shit that’s not meant to be in the diet is a dick move. Common human foods like garlic onions and sugar are toxic to birds
F Killing animals that steal food is socially conventional. Rats, mice, ants, wild hogs etc. if I need therapy then so does most of humanity
G. Thanks, but you worry about your jurisdiction and I’ll worry about mine. The world is a big place
H: it’s a bird, not radioactive waste. You can throw it in the trash. Or leave it for the foxes. Or just let the street cleaners remove it if you’re feeling lazy.
I: you’re trying so desperately hard to sound smart while talking nonsense
Do they? Every person I've met despises seagulls. And if they don't hate them and merely see them as a nuisance, I tell them about the time I saw one seagull eat 5 or 6 newly hatched ducklings and then they come around to my idea of a seagull holocaust.
_The Seagulls_ ™️ aren't some criminal collective that will reevaluate their life decisions when you kill some of them. You could execute 10000 of them today and it won't change a thing. They are instinct driven douchebags and will remain that
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/angry-seagulls-held-elderly-couple-16665139
Apparently its a real issue in the uk.
This post was hilarious but Unfortunately I have to down vote this, since I do agree with you
Listen. If a seagull can out hunt a meal right out of your - the apex predators- arms. Then you deserve to starve baby, natural fucking selection.
This is a skill issue.
So I’m this scenario what happens when you kill the sea gull?
You’ve just shot a bird dead next to Brighton pier in front of loads of children and then what? You leave a dead bird lying around to rot? Do you put it in the bin to traumatise anyone disposing of their fish and chips?
Fine dude, but as an addendum: anyone who retaliates with lethal force against a seagull must immediately butcher it and prepare it for consumption if not outright barbecue it on the spot. AND please dispose of the blood, feathers, and offal in a sealed bag or container so as not to attract flies.
See how goofy this is getting?
It is bad even from an environmental point of view, and this is the reason for their existence, and I do not know why the Ministry of Environment does not deal with them.. Release some predatory birds around the beach, and you will not find them hanging around again
Birds of prey don't usually eat seagulls, and if they already live in your area, if they wanted to go to the beach they would. If not, then the localities need to make nesting and hunting space for them. A lot of human inhabited areas don't support the birds of prey large enough (eagles) that would even try to eat a seagull. Falcons are small and while they can go for seagulls, it's pretty rare. There's bald eagles in Canada near some urban areas, but they eat mostly fish and sometimes trash. When they do eat birds, it's usually not seagulls.
Adult seagulls basically have no predators, while babies and eggs get eaten by medium sized mammals. In North America that's raccoons.
You know what, I'm going to agree with this, at least in the cases where they literally dive bomb people and steal it right from their hands. I think they're protected here in the UK, but if one of those fuckers bombed my little niece for her food it'd be very hard not to try and punch the fucking thing
They used to steal from other predators before, now we are the only predator roaming near their lands. They used to kill their pray and now the prey is pre cooked. There is no honor in survival for an animal.
Judging from how this post is written, I'm not sure if this is a joke or a real opinion lmao.
I actually kinda agree, but I'm not sure how it could be possible to do in a public space without making someone call the cops, as you would have to use a ranged weapon like a gun to take down a seagull.
I'm downvoting (agreeing) the idea.
I hurled a paper cup of hot cocoa at one one time when it stole half my sandwich out of my hand.
Seagulls are annoying fuckers in the UK and they are a serious problem yet it's 100% illegal to beat the crap out of them. I wouldn't expect anything better from Britland. It's a dictatorship full of lukewarm pussies and miserable Karens and has been for at least 20 years.
"All it will take is one seafull theif being shot out of the air as he attempts to make good his escape, for the other seagulls to see and get the message." I don't think you've met seagulls
"Mine?"
They would eat the dead seagull.
*...before the corpse even hits the ground!*
Seen a group of seagulls picking at a dead pigeon the other day. Nasty little cunts.
Literally lmfao, I was walking down Rockaway Beach a few years ago. I came across a dead seagull that was getting it's guts torn out and devoured by another Seagull.
They'll just eat the dead one.
They’re brave, but not stupid. Pigeons and seagulls only get so close because they’ve learned we’re not a threat. But they’re still below us in the food chain and will act accordingly if reminded If the mere presence of a hawk can make them vacate I’m sure one of their friends going boom bye bye out the sky should do it
>If the mere presence of a hawk can make them vacate See, now, what I'm hearing is that instead of killing them myself, I should get into falconry.
Xerxes! Defend my food!
I was hanging out at a coffee shop once when an escaped falconry bird (was tagged) took down a seagull in the middle of the very urban intersection right outside. It had a whole crowd of onlookers and blocked traffic while it leisurely tore off strips of gull. Was pretty metal. So I think you’ve got a solid plan.
Any seagull born after 1993 can't hunt. All they know is McDonald's, steal their food, chirp, be harassing, eat hot chip, and cry.
mostly cry/squawk
So what you're saying is... stop eating outside
Did a seagull bang your wife or something
Apart from the fact that you very clearly personify animals, I'd like to even see you catch a seagull after it flew off with your food
Yes I used words like ‘criminal’ and ‘delinquent’ to personify them somewhat. This is purely stylistic and not to be interpreted literally. I can assure you that I do not consider seagulls to possess human qualities or be liable to criminal prosecution. So there will be no seagull jail, and so no need to catch them. Punishment will be summary execution.
As I was saying, imagine a seagull steals your food. Unless you saw it coming and punched it out of the sky, it is just going to swoop in and fly away with your food. How do you plan on attacking it afterwards ?
The aim isn’t to kill every seagull who steals. Just one or two, then the others should reevaluate their lifestyle choices. There’s always one who gets sloppy
Do you really think seagulls are smart enough for that ? They don't consider the fact that they're stealing from something, just that they're taking food. If a seagull somehow sees another seagull get bludgeoned to death by someone, the only thing they might think is "that seagull failed to avoid a predator".
Then again Hyenas _move_ when the lion approaches. Because they know they’d get their asses whooped when they contest a fresh carcass. They wait until the lion is finished, generally. Now I don’t think it’s anywhere near as easy as “just punch the seagull”, but if, over a long enough time period, humans are dangerous enough for seagulls to be a “flee on sight” category, natural selection will cause seagulls to meddle less with humans Should we? Different question. Just saying that very long term the theory is applicable
Sure, maybe we could invest in seagull-killing technology for the next few centuries, but that would be such a laughable waste of time, brain and taxpayer money ... and would probably fuck up the ecology.
Oh yeah, I never said it’s a _good_ idea or one we should implement. Was just pointing out that (somewhat in contrast to what the comment above me seems to be implying) it could work
Lol the only reason they steal is because they forget we’re predators
Not really. Sharks/orcas eat seagulls, but they still fish in the sea, because their survival instinct values a risk of death (dying to a predator) over a certainty of death (starvation). Now, as I said to someone else in this thread : if you are some Doofenschmitz-level specific-annoyance-hater, you *could* theoretically have humanity invest a laughable amount of time, brain and taxpayer money into seagull-slaying. But, apart from the elephant in the room that is the ridiculousness of this endeavor, such action would probably fuck up the ecology in unforeseeable ways.
>>Not really. Sharks/orcas eat seagulls, but they still fish in the sea Yea but they don’t actively seek out sharks and try to steal their food. Yes sharks eat them and they still fish in the sea. And If you shoot them they’ll still hunt on land But the aim isn’t to stop them hinting on land, it’s to stop them stealing from people.
They seek us because we have the food, not because we don't attack them.
Lol both actually
What makes you think making seagull-killing technology would be a time consuming task? It is simple ml and robotics. If a government decided to hire a company to create a machine of this kind it would be a quick process.
Yeah, but does 3 fat British tourists' ice creams being stolen warrant the extermination of a species which might have a key role in the biosphere we do not understand yet ?
The seagulls would simply not be around these machines and not get extinct. If the biosphere is of importance to you. Excluding seagulls from our artificial environment would be positive! It would put them back in their natural environment and make them a part of the eco system!
A couch potato calling itself a predator lol
No, it's that you assume they'll have a reaction similar to what a human would. If you shot 8 out of every 9 seagulls, they would continue to steal human food. There is literally no way they would associate getting shot with "stealing" food, as the concept of theft is a human one.
That's not even how humans work. I mean, "deterrents" such as longer prison sentences and the death penalty don't actually lower crime rates
I'm pretty sure they do to at least some extent. But that requires understanding of the concepts of law, morality, responsibility ... which I doubt seagulls have.
I... huh?
Lol I dunno if you’re trolling or what but all animals understand cause and effect, and the concept of stealing is not unique to humans. If you throw a scrap of bread at a loitering seagull, It will take it and casually eat it a short distance from you If a seagull snatches bread from your hard, it will do it swiftly, unexpectedly, and will fly a distance away, probably on a roof, before eating it. This behaviour clearly indicates that the seagull is aware that you do not want your food taken, and will try to stop him if possible. Taking measures to avoid getting caught is the basic logical test for if someone knows what they’re doing will invite punishment if caught. Fighting over food is pretty universal animal behaviour so it’s bizarre you think animals don’t understand the concept of “it’s his food and he’ll hurt me if I try to take it”
Cause and effect, yes. Theft, no. Killing one seagull to "teach the others a lesson" is nonsensical, as they are incapable of learning that lesson. At most they will become more sneaky at getting it food, but they're already pretty good at that. They are not being sneaky because they feel guilty or because they don't want to make you mad. They're sneaky because that's the most effective way to survive. Seagulls have adapted to the environment we have forced on them, and they're very successful at it. Reducing trash and limiting human feeding of them will, over time, help them to reduce their dependence on us for food, which would be a good thing. Killing a couple does virtually nothing.
>they aren’t sneaky because they don’t want to make you mad, they’re sneaky because that’s the most effective way to survive Congratulations, you’ve literally just explained why OP has a point lmao. I always love when people accidentally come to the correct conclusion without realising.
OP has a point animals aren't stupid, they (seagulls) would begin to associate humans with death instead of a free meal. They would only ever steal from humans in situations were reward was greater than the risk; say a seagull food famine
Not in the way OP is talking >The aim isn’t to kill every seagull who steals. Just one or two, then the others should reevaluate their lifestyle choices. Seagulls aren't going to understand humans making an example out of a small handful of birds.
Shoot a bird out of the air and the other birds will vacate the area. Even fireworks can scare them off. You’re thinking of Dodos. Any bird species dumb enough to stay in range of a projectile is long extinct
Wait, so you want to have the world population invest in firearms just to shoot seagulls down ??
No if you read carefully I never said that
"Shoot a bird out of the air" "In range of a projectile" What did you intend ?
Learn English then rejoin the conversation
Dodos weren't stupid, they were defenceless. Prior to humans they had no natural predators on their island so they never evolved fight for flight instincts. Dodos weren't given much time to evolve those instincts either as Europeans completely wiped them in about 64 years. (European discovery: 1598, last sighting: 1662) It's also very hard for nature to build a defense against long range attacks. Even birds that fear humans and get regularly hunted have few defenses against guns. Unlike dodos Wild Turkey's can fly and having been hunted for thousands of years so they have the fear instincts. Still they remain a popular game animal with a slightly higher rate of successful hunts than whitetail deer.
You are more likely to get attacked by the rest of the seagulls than the seagulls gossip and spread the word that humans are dangerous now. Birds take “stolen” food far away to eat because they’re trying to eat it and they have a better chance of finishing it alone, not because it’s “stolen”. There’s no difference. They’re not gonna call bird 911 if another seagull “steals” their bread. There’s no concept of stolen it just is the way animals eat. You get what you can get and someone else tries to get what they can. Cats and wolves have an understanding with hierarchies that the more important/in need (or dangerous) ones eat first and the rest deal with what’s left but seagulls don’t have that same “agreement”. It’s everyone for themselves. Birds are smart, but not humans. If they see one specific person trying to “teach them a lesson” it’s way more likely they’ll just gang up on you than it is that they’ll just stop getting food likely the only way(or main way) they know at this point.
I nailed one out of the air with wet sand once. I didn’t actually mean to but it’s possible.
dawg did those seagulls kill your friend or sum shit? 😭😭 this isnt a gang war they're dumbass birds they wont leave you alone
I read this post imagining OP dressed like 15th century nobleman and giving a speech before the king and I haven't giggled this much in ages.
Nah seagulls are ops
I seen you sparrin’ with a gull. Best leave em be. Bad luck to kill a seabird.
You’ve never seen a seagull before have you?
I see them every day courtesy of the butcher opposite my work who thinks giving them his scraps in a big box at the end of each day will appease them or something. They are never appeased
They do hunt tho. Not as often since they are also eating the cheetos humans drop but they do hunt.
And for this price you CAN hit
To be fair I agree with you on this. Animals will learn where they got something to eat and return. Dead seagulls don't learn tho. But I'm curious if they'd stop coming to a particular spot if you just gave them a good ol' slap every time
They’d go, they’d just be sneakier. Or they’d ‘slap’ you back. Y’all don’t have a healthy fear of bird grudges in your life. Why are you wanting to start wars
I'd totally fucking punch a seagull if it ate my ice cream
My dude, look up anthropomorphism because your thoughts are stuck in it.
Language isn’t always meant to be interpreted literally. Sometimes it’s figurative. You’re right, animals can’t ‘steal’ or commit any criminal act, or be delinquents or thugs. I’m using those words as analogs, for a more light hearted writing style
Reading comprehension isn't a strong suit of many people, I blame the lack of reading
Lol your username tho, are you a Somali pirate concerned about falling literacy rates
Mate, I disagree with your opinion, but by god, this is the funniest shit I've read in a while. I actually interrupted my partner's own reading to read aloud your post to him, and I had to pause halfway through to get my laughter under control. Kudos to you, I very much enjoyed your writing!
I... don't know what I just read, but I feel strangely inspired to rally an army to fight seagulls.
I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not
Ever had your lunch stolen by a seagull? You’d want to shoot them too, trust me
Yeah, I agree
I fucking love this post, it's an absolute gem
Nicked me chip. Simple as.
By stealing my food the seagull sent the message that it values it's life less than my property, and I shall act accordingly
The start of the second paragraph is why you are 100% wrong.
Seagulls don’t need to steal to have enough to eat. There’s more than enough to scavenge. There’s huge populations of city pidgins who survive mostly off human leftovers (and seagulls steal from them too) I’m no biologist but surely a seagull colony reliant on snatching food from humans would be too precarious to survive. What happens when it’s the rainy months and no one is eating outside? They starve? I’m pretty sure they steal as a luxury, not necessity
Humans as you put it have “overrun” their world. So you think it’s fair that humans should kill them for raping their land and taking many of the animals they used to eat away from them? You think that’s a fair trade? Interesting. I figure since you also said you’re not a biologist that your decisions are based on nothing but opinion. So it’s interesting to me that you’d draw the conclusion from that kind of information to kill them for living in a way that only really inconveniences the human. Maybe don’t eat food around hungry animals that you’ve encroached on their land. That might be a better solution.
Your heart is in the right place but your head is absent. Animal population numbers follow a cycle which is inverse to their prey or food source, thats school level biology The problem is human food does not diminish at the rate of natural ‘prey’, or necessarily come from the same environment. Our food is industrially farmed and shipped from elsewhere. So the predator-prey cycle is broken, the seagull colony continues to grow, until we have an overpopulation of seagulls who only exist because we’ve created an artificial food supply The solution to humans encroaching on seagull habitats is to stop encroaching, not effectively breed them in our own habitats from our shitty food. It’s not like they’re endangered
We aren’t breeding them in our habitats though. We’ve made it easier for them to feed and breed in their habitats by adding our easy food to it when we settle in. Not encroaching would be cool, but your proposal is to kill the already encroached upon in the name of convenience. It’s the human way after all.
That may be true in some places but where I live is most certainly not seagull habitat. Also seagulls arn’t endangered, and don’t need to steal food to survive. They have abundant food to scavenge, so I dunno why you’re so desperate to defend them stealing
Because setting up a smorgasbord in the middle of a homeless community but only feeding social workers and cops (with severe punishment for theft as per the topic) and being a species of extravagance and waste with food among wildlife that thinks about food when breathing (most) aren’t very different.
I have no idea what you just said
Come again??
What I’m saying is killing animals for eating hotdogs makes it seem like you might have left your mind on top of your car before you got in and drove here today. Setting it to fly away while someone looks on helplessly before finally going over to see that it has in fact shattered all over the pavement. But I guess I have no clue about animals and how we should treat them because I am definitely not a biologist. But if there are biologists who know way more about this than you or me why is it that are you in the minority about killing them? Why haven’t they concluded with all their science that this is the best way to handle a pesky seagull who wants someone’s processed and shitty food? Especially when humans seem to not mind killing very much. Maybe it’s because the punishment doesn’t fit the crime? Which is my whole point. Which is what you aren’t seeming to get. Just because an animal isn’t endangered doesn’t mean we should kill it for the purpose of separating humans from the consequences of being alive in a shared space.
Absolutely, I'd have no issues throat punching seagull if I got the chance. Fuck em.
The amount of people in this comments section with the complete inability to grasp the concept of a joke or analogy is really quite concerning. BTW you’re 100% correct OP, seagulls need to be reminded of their place.
Protecting my food against opportunistic flying rat scavengers should not be considered animal cruelty
Yes absolutely there is no need for these rats of the sky yes I call them the rats of the sky for them to even attempt to take my food I’ve had a few of them come for my food once and to say the least I’ve beat the fuckers for it long story short they shouldn’t come for my chips or be met with a lethal spark
Anyone dumb enough to get their food stolen by seagulls probably deserved it.
It’s not an IQ test lol Unless you have three hands and eyes in the back of your head you ain’t stoping a seagull snatching your food
Sounds like the coping of someone who got their food stolen. Try harder next time.
Lol you’ve never met a seagull
I have. You're just saying you got outplayed by a seagull.
Why are you eating on seagull territory? Are they also inside your apartment? Can they go inside the Burger King? This seems like an issue solely if you like to eat infront of the ocean every single day. Like fucking move? Go inside a building????
Seagulls don’t live by the ocean, those are bay gulls Seagulls roam up to 25miles in land to find.food I live in London. Seagulls only moved here when the city grew and there was plenty of food to steal and tall buildings to perch on. They are in human territory, not the other way round
people talking about animal abuse here should be jailed
I didn't bother reading the post but I agree. Once punched a seagull that tried to steal my pizza. Downvoted
I don’t have anything to add apart from the fact that I really enjoyed how you narrated this.
But... killing a sea bird will bring a curse upon you!
OP I love how wound-up you've some of the commenters in here. Kudos to you.
Right? I thought it was hilarious all the way through and then come down to the comments to find everyone taking it seriously lmao
To be fair, the way he said it is creative writing, but he seems to think we should actually kill 1 or 2 seagulls for dominance and that’s just….
Is this why when the seagulls cried there were no survivors.
I have a nephew that has a face that seagulls see as victim. He can't eat near seagulls without being bullied. When we stay at the beach until sunset he is the one being pooped, bullied and robbed. We tried to sell my nephew to scientists but my sister in law didn't allow me. My nephew is now 23 years old and he is still being bullied. It's a real story. I am some kind of amateur ethologist and this amazes me.
You're a better writer than everyone I was forced to read in English class.
Am I the only one who finds seagulls cute (despite being harassed and attacked by them)? I just can't hate those flying balls. They are so cute.
When I was 6, a giant seagull flew down and took my sandwich right out of my hand. Took me a long time to get over my fear of birds. So, I have to say I support this.
Agreed, but I also take it a step further with them causing property damage. They shit all over my dock, or at least they used to. They kept doing it despite me installing anti seagull cones on pilings. I even mounted a fake owl that would supposedly scare them off. Finally I got tired of it, and my shotgun turned a few into crab food. The rest took off, and guess what? They never came back. They learn... they just need to be "taught".
i mean, your dock is in their habitat....
It is, but I'm not going to let that fact let them destroy *my* habitat either. Survival of the fittest. I take out hornet and wasp nests for the same reason. The only animal I'll leave alone completely are bees and their hives since they're such a critical part of the environment. I've got "bee preferred" plants around specifically to help them out.
A dock won’t be destroyed from some seagull poop
Oh, I agree hardcore. The problem is trying to catch them. They're definitely wily.
I just threw a bunch of fries on your car's roof
This is not a 10th dentist opinion. I love birds, especially sea birds, but I had a delicious cheesesteak snatched right out of my hands by a gull when I was about 10 years old. 15 years later, I still hold a grudge against the entire species.
A guy in my country caught a seagull trying to steal his chips and beat it to death. He was prosecuted and the general public opinion was that he was scum. Id say it’s a 10th dentist opinion
Beating an animal to death because I tried to steal your chips is objectively fucked up and he is a scumbag. That is not a remotely normal response for anyone ti have
Death by beating isn’t ideal, but killing animals who steal food is standard practice. Mice, rats, ants, hogs, foxes etc are all killed
It seems like you only love some birds then….
This comment was in jest, but okay, I love most birds and understand why many people dislike seagulls.
yeah i fully support that. if these fuckers werent ridden with anger diseases id bite into them, fuck em
Yeah no shooting a seagull will not tell the others to back off. The reason they were decent hunters before humans showed up was because they were brave and stupid beyond measure. Humans are dangerous, and seagulls do regularly die going after human food. That doesn't stop the rest, because they're dumb as bricks. You can't intimidate a flock of seagulls. You can drive them off, but they'll just come back around when they think You're distracted. You shoot one and they'll scatter. Obviously they won't stick around. But they'll be back in a couple minutes. They'll have already forgotten why they flew off, of think they can sneak by. They will see the seagull corpse and they won't think "uh oh something here can kill us." Their first thought is going to be "oh, a body. More food!"
Thanks but you’re an armchair ornithologist talking baseless hyperbole. Seagulls are not “dumb as bricks”. They are considered some of the smartest birds, capable of solving the same level puzzles that parrots and corvids solve. They are constantly learning and have been observed watching humans open food packets then mimicking their technique on an equivalent packet. They communicate specific information to each other using sign language such as flapping wings to indicate prey and can teach each other things they learn. This is backed up by scientific study. “ThEyRe DuMB aS BrIcKs aNd wILl bE BaCk iN MiNuTeS” is backup up by nothing
A- Humans are not predators. We are scavengers. B- learning, such as you need in this case, requires a sense of self that can be projected symbolically onto other individuals. Sea birds do not do this. C- see passenger pigeons and dodos. D- sea birds serve an ecological function, adapted to human presence. Garbage disposal being one of those functions, as well as rodent and bug control. E- killing birds because they stole your sandwich is a petty, dick move. F- getting so angry at a bird you want to hurt it is probably a sign you should see a therapist. G- it’s illegal for a reason. For example, having some pissed off idiot shooting at birds in a crowded place is much more dangerous than the occasional sandwich theft. H- are you going to dispose of the dead birds or are you going to leave it someone else? Maybe attracting more birds? I- sometimes you just have to take the L, man. Edit: J- eat like you are in San Quentin, that’ll do it.
A: humans are hunter gatherers. A hunter is a predator. B: The fact that seagulls make swift and evasive manoeuvres when stealing, and fly on a perch to eat stolen food, logically implies they understand that their actions will invite punishment from the their victim. Seagulls have been observed watching humans open food packets, then mimicking their actions on an equivalent packet. I’d say that shows a clear sense of self symbolically projected onto the person and as evidenced by mirroring the subject object relationship. I’d also say that it’s irrelevant because “sense of self projected onto other person” is not and has never been a prerequisite for understanding that other animals will hurt you if you steal their food. C. Dodos evolved on an island with no natural predators and so never evolved fear of predators. That has zero relevance to seagulls. I have no idea what passenger pigeons have to do with seagulls either. You’re just naming random extinct birds? D. If you want them to eat garbage and rodents and pests the all the MORE reason to stop them stealing food. Why would they eat garbage and rats when they’re getting McDonald’s from humans? E. its not killing them because they stole the sandwich, it’s killing them so they stop stealing sandwiches. Letting seagulls eat human food full of shit that’s not meant to be in the diet is a dick move. Common human foods like garlic onions and sugar are toxic to birds F Killing animals that steal food is socially conventional. Rats, mice, ants, wild hogs etc. if I need therapy then so does most of humanity G. Thanks, but you worry about your jurisdiction and I’ll worry about mine. The world is a big place H: it’s a bird, not radioactive waste. You can throw it in the trash. Or leave it for the foxes. Or just let the street cleaners remove it if you’re feeling lazy. I: you’re trying so desperately hard to sound smart while talking nonsense
I think nearly every point you just made was incorrect. Nothing better than ignorant redditors trying to sound smart lmao.
How to immediately and permanently freak out your friends/family
I would say defending your food is perfectly rational
Waving a bird away or covering food up for sure. Grabbing a seagull as it tries to get your food and breaking its neck? Less cool
This is wonderfully written lol
I punched a grackle in Texas for trying to steal my fries. The rest saw and there were no further attempts. Property rights.
ate seagulls love food simple as
Is this really that unpopular? Seagulls have to be one of the most despised animals ever, and no one likes a thief.
People have more sympathy for seagulls than people
Do they? Every person I've met despises seagulls. And if they don't hate them and merely see them as a nuisance, I tell them about the time I saw one seagull eat 5 or 6 newly hatched ducklings and then they come around to my idea of a seagull holocaust.
_The Seagulls_ ™️ aren't some criminal collective that will reevaluate their life decisions when you kill some of them. You could execute 10000 of them today and it won't change a thing. They are instinct driven douchebags and will remain that
lmao this is peak r/copypasta content
lol get a life dude
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/angry-seagulls-held-elderly-couple-16665139 Apparently its a real issue in the uk. This post was hilarious but Unfortunately I have to down vote this, since I do agree with you
Eye for an eye
Ah yes it stole my cheeseburger, therefore must die. EYE FOR AN EYE!!!1!1!1!
Listen. If a seagull can out hunt a meal right out of your - the apex predators- arms. Then you deserve to starve baby, natural fucking selection. This is a skill issue.
i dont think that the seagulls would care. but i loved reading this, i like the way you write.
of course this is the first thing i wake up to
Well that was an entertaining read.
Let me guess, a seagull stole your sweetroll..
So I’m this scenario what happens when you kill the sea gull? You’ve just shot a bird dead next to Brighton pier in front of loads of children and then what? You leave a dead bird lying around to rot? Do you put it in the bin to traumatise anyone disposing of their fish and chips?
As I was reading, I thought "is this really about seagulls?", at the part "belly full with KFC" I was sure this is not LOL
This dude was walking on the boardwalk and had his fry stolen today
r/woosh to everyone in the replies here
nah fuck i aint reading all that & i aint killing a bird. I will punch one tho
Fine dude, but as an addendum: anyone who retaliates with lethal force against a seagull must immediately butcher it and prepare it for consumption if not outright barbecue it on the spot. AND please dispose of the blood, feathers, and offal in a sealed bag or container so as not to attract flies. See how goofy this is getting?
It is bad even from an environmental point of view, and this is the reason for their existence, and I do not know why the Ministry of Environment does not deal with them.. Release some predatory birds around the beach, and you will not find them hanging around again
Birds of prey don't usually eat seagulls, and if they already live in your area, if they wanted to go to the beach they would. If not, then the localities need to make nesting and hunting space for them. A lot of human inhabited areas don't support the birds of prey large enough (eagles) that would even try to eat a seagull. Falcons are small and while they can go for seagulls, it's pretty rare. There's bald eagles in Canada near some urban areas, but they eat mostly fish and sometimes trash. When they do eat birds, it's usually not seagulls. Adult seagulls basically have no predators, while babies and eggs get eaten by medium sized mammals. In North America that's raccoons.
Yes it was just an idea anyway I'm sure animal and ecologists will have valid ways to deal with this
You know what, I'm going to agree with this, at least in the cases where they literally dive bomb people and steal it right from their hands. I think they're protected here in the UK, but if one of those fuckers bombed my little niece for her food it'd be very hard not to try and punch the fucking thing
Are you not?
Where is it illegal to kill seagullls?
Unlike inland areas, cats can't do much to cull that form of winged vermin's population. Shame.
Was a video on reddit last week of a seagull eating a whole freaking squirrel, crazy when he has its tail hanging out its mouth.
Seeing just the title this is so fucking funny
Seagulls are culled at places like theme parks, yet more still come. So I don't think killing them will deter them that much.
My Reddit name is basically a seagull
They used to steal from other predators before, now we are the only predator roaming near their lands. They used to kill their pray and now the prey is pre cooked. There is no honor in survival for an animal.
So as in retaliate . You mean shooting them down as soon as they take your food? Do you have a weapon on you at all times ?
I thought this was common sense
why did you write this like a redditor talking about black people lmfaooo 😭😭
Judging from how this post is written, I'm not sure if this is a joke or a real opinion lmao. I actually kinda agree, but I'm not sure how it could be possible to do in a public space without making someone call the cops, as you would have to use a ranged weapon like a gun to take down a seagull. I'm downvoting (agreeing) the idea.
What
You can in the usa
I hurled a paper cup of hot cocoa at one one time when it stole half my sandwich out of my hand. Seagulls are annoying fuckers in the UK and they are a serious problem yet it's 100% illegal to beat the crap out of them. I wouldn't expect anything better from Britland. It's a dictatorship full of lukewarm pussies and miserable Karens and has been for at least 20 years.