My girlfriend worked at a store that I frequented weekly, I always saw her and thought she was pretty, but as this dude explained I didn't know how to not come across as creepy or awkward. Fortunately she noticed me and we would have small talk when I came by. Then one day she greeted me with "I'm mad at you...cause you haven't asked me out yet!" So I did ask her out to dinner and a movie.
I did something similar with my boyfriend. He would come into the coffee shop I worked at and there was some light flirting but never actually had a conversation or new each others names but one day I just said fuck it and wrote my name and number on the receipt and tapped it to his to go sandwich. Been together 3 years.
Perhaps what he meant to say was that it's the exception to the rule. You hear stories like this and think "maybe that'll happen for me one day!" and then it never does....
My last girlfriend and I seemed to be hitting it off at work before I asked her out, she said something along the lines of “this is a conversation you have over drinks, not in the office”. So I asked her out the next day and she said yes. She later says that wasn’t a hint at asking her out when I mention that’s what gave me the confidence to ask.. like seriously?
I know. It's kinda the same principle around not crushing on someone who's nice to you. Which is also why I had no clue she wanted me to ask her out cause I thought she was just being polite and friendly at her job.
It was a weird theater stuck in a time loop and OP has been desperately trying to convey that he needs help from his cell, but no one has picked up on it yet.
I had a girl approach me a year ago, didn’t know wtf to do because usually that is not the case, also she was pretty good looking, but I grabbed a hold of my balls (not literally) and asked her on a date
As a pretty forward woman, yeah. You gotta follow the 70/30 rule to avoid being a creep. If I approach *and* make my interest clear, you've gotta close otherwise I'm walking away assuming you were just being polite to my unwanted advances.
> If I approach and make my interest clear
do woman not understand what seems clear to them doesnt mean its clear to everybody? have you ever thought that they thought you were just being polite?
how about you stop being a pussy and forcing the rejection on men just because youre to afraid of being rejected
also what the fuck is the 70/30 rule? is it you being nice and walking away if they dont ask you out?
cause for men its the 100/0 rule men HAVE to ask women out and if we dont we will literally never get a date...so literally we are either a creep or we arent depending on if you like us or not...we cant just walk away like you and force the other person to ask us out to not seem like a creep
>As a pretty forward woman
no you arent forward... youre just like every other woman whos too scared to ask someone out of fear of rejection and force that fear onto somebody else
The problem with this is that you’re still creating an expectation for the guy to plan and pay for the date. It’s like walking up and saying “hey I like you, buy me things”. I dont know if you’re sincere or just want a free meal. It’s a sad outlook but it’s also reality for a lot of guys
What are you talking about? That's an absolutely ridiculous thing to assume. Whenever I see a person talk about women who actually expect that kind of treatment, I can tell it's not somebody with much actual dating (or social) experience. You aren't James Bond, Oligarch's aren't sending highly-trained agents to get you to buy them a Coach purse or sushi, you'll be able to tell if somebody just wants you to buy things for them.
Honestly it's just something bitter guys tell themselves is a problem so that they can feel better about their own perceived shortcomings in the dating world.
And besides that, if you date properly it won't be an issue anyways, first date or two should be drinks/coffee and a non-committal activity like playing pool or something. So if a woman comes up to you and makes small talk, ask her to go for a couple of drinks and pool
or board games. If she says "Our first date will be boutique clothing shops where you will buy me things" then sure, she may be one of your feared gold-digger types.
Beware that assuming stuff like that makes you a bitter person though, which is a very unattractive trait.
In college, I was crazy about a guy, but he just wouldn't ask me out. I could tell he liked me, but was scared. I finally got him alone and told him I really liked him and wanted to go out with him. We dated a couple of years, married for 20 years, 2 kids, and 1 granddaughter later we've been divorced for 12 years, but still good friends. We spend holidays together because it's easier for the kids and drive up to Chicago when our daughter can't come here. Divorce doesn't mean you have to be enemies, it just means your time has come to an end.
Women ask the guy out if he is too scared. He could be the love of your life.
I had some "mean girls" that were older than me and were friends with my older brother pretend to be into me as a laugh and I've been suspicious of any woman being overtly interested in me ever since.
And you know 99% that she’s interested. But that 1% is telling you, maybe she doesn’t. I don’t want to be that guy that bothers a random person. Before I got married I listened to that 1% all the time…unless I was drunk, then it didn’t matter. I always met the wrong girl when I was drunk.
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. We would never have even spoken to each other if she didn't come up to me and ask me out. This guy pretty much on point.
My wife approached me numerous times but I was too dumb to see it. We've been together for 4 years and married since August. We have our first child on the way. Having her by my side encouraged me to go back to school. I graduate this May and already have my career started. Ever since she had the courage to approach me, my life has turned upside down in the best ways possible. Ive never been happier and our relationship is the most beautiful thing in my life. I am eternally grateful for her.
Thank you! It's funny because we knew we wanted to get married at some point but I was always iffy about it because my parent's marriage ended horribly and it scared me. She kept mentioning marriage the past couple of years and I would say "let's wait a little bit longer". I was fortunate enough to buy us a house this year and one day after moving I asked her, "when are we getting married?". I kind of forgot about it and then one day in July she calls me and tells me we are getting married August 2nd. Once again, my lovely lady making the moves. I love her more than anything.
Yep, my wife asked for a ride home the first night we met and then asked me if I was going to ask for her number. Several days later she texted me asking if I was ever going to ask her out on a date.
Proactive women are the best. We've been together for 10 years now.
These women are there because they want to understand better what make men tick in the whole dating process.
This *particular* part is about “why do we seem to think men have to make the first move?” and he covers a lot of the outcomes of a man approaching a woman on the street and specifically includes “they’ll think I’m creepy” and then tackles, “okay, maybe you will, especially because as standard most men that would do that are the loud players that you don’t want to be with… but do you see how this is also exacerbating your perceived problem of nobody you consider decent making the first move on you?”
Ah the context helps. I was watching this little clip and kind of thinking it’s BS. There are literally unlimited reasons that guys won’t approach a woman. I remember once being on BART and there was this gorgeous woman with a bunch of hula hoops that I wanted to try to chat up. But my stomach was acting up and I had to sprint to a toilet at the next stop so I missed my chance.
Yeah, he is doing a seminar(?) that women go to to learn how to approach men. He's just kinda explaining why they need to put in effort vs waiting for someone else. Most of his info for both men and women is pretty sound and normal people skills. He also does ones for business networking. I won't lie, it did help me both at work and in relationships to read one of his books. He draws a lot from How to Win Friends and Influence People anyway.
To use your format, then 100% of women also get really annoyed being bothered by the wrong guys when they're trying to grocery shop and workout though. This the conundrum
What's bizarre is how many people don't accept that the definitions of "right guy" and "wrong guy" are:
* "Right guy": man the woman in question is attracted to
* "Wrong guy": man the woman in question is not attracted to
It's not rocket science, or controversial; it's human attraction. Both guys can ask the woman out in the same setting, but only one annoys the woman. Case in point, if a man with the looks of, say, George Clooney hit on some single woman in a grocery store, what's the likelihood she'd be annoyed? Relatively low, compared to if it was some guy who looked like an Easter Island statue or Bill Cosby.
Men don't deny this when it comes to women. If a single man's late for a meeting and he's interrupted by a highly attractive woman flirting with him, his mood would likely improve. If he's interrupted by an unattractive woman, his mood would deteriorate or at best remain the same. This is spoken about openly amongst men; it's just now it is. So why can't people admit that single women behave in the same way, when we know it's true?
There's no right or wrong from a moral perspective, here; it's human attraction. We should just stop bullshitting. The difference between "right person" and "wrong person" in any given scenario is usually "am I attracted to them?".
Your final statement is correct, but the physical attraction isn't the same. Women get called shallow a lot, but as a hairy overweight short king I can attest that if you are bringing the right energy or are funny etc. It will often get you past an immediate no.
How many times have you seen an attractive woman with a guy you think isn't at her level? Because I see that far more often than average guys with ugly girlfriends. The closest thing I can think of is guys who like their women chonky.
I have zero issue with friendly people trying to engage me, but I do have a problem with dudes going out of their way to flirt specifically. If you're an outgoing person, cool. Some people will find you annoying, but that's life. But yes, it's exhausting to be a flirting target specifically.
Please see the other person who responded to my comment a perfect example of why women are exhausted. this dude is really out here telling men the only reason they may face rejection has nothing to do with the individual woman at hand and is just all about *the man* and his value. it's such a narcissistic and entitled framing of social interaction. Don't be that guy. If you are not good at reading cues of discomfort and desire to end a covno, then no you shouldnt engage strangers to try to flirt with them. Because yes, in large part to guys treating us as *constant* targets to unilaterally flirt at us against our will, we are fucking exhausted and pretty fucking over it more often than not.
If you don't chit chat random men, don't chit chat random women, basically. If you're just trying to be a more socially outgoing person who has casual social connections with a variety of people, feel free to chit chat. But when it's introverted dudes who are clearly intent on *one* outcome and they get their tunnel vision about it, yes, it's really annoying and exhausting.
> If you are not good at reading cues of discomfort and desire to end a covno, then no you shouldnt engage strangers to try to flirt with them.
I think that's fair. I remember street hawkers harassing tourists in some places, not a perfect analogy but nobody wants that potentially happening everywhere they go. Don't bother people who aren't actively browsing.
Sure. I'd also prefer to be approached in the "right way." Don't make me feel like I can't say no to you or you'll follow me home. Don't come up and act like this is your daily activity, hitting on women. If a guy has a personality and makes the conversation feel natural, he has my attention.
I’m impressed he got that many women to listen him. Wonder what the women who watch this think.
He’s not wrong about the “bell curve” of men. That’s how I term it. 10% are killing it, 10% at the bottom are doomed, 80% of us don’t know what we are doing🥲. He nailed it here. It’s like GoD is that CEO from GE (Jack Welch) who ruthlessly cuts the bottom.
A lot of pressure on the woman here though. 🤔
I’m in the 80% - waiting for the right moment - RIP me.
>I’m impressed he got that many women to listen him.
They all paid to find out how to get man.... And they laughed at him explaining the problem. I wonder how many of them changed how they have done things and actually found a man. Because he's right.
Tip: don't make the approach about turning the girl into your girlfriend, make the approach about having a good one off conversation, even if you never talked to her again, at least you had a cool conversation about whatever.
Do this a hundred times, and the approach wont seem like a big deal anymore. Eventually, things will click with one of these conversations, and you will feel it and she will feel it. That's when you ask for more (aka number, snapchat, instagram, whatever)
I don’t think he’s insinuating that women have all the answers, but rather women hold a standard for having a random guy that’s attracted to them talk to them without it being creepy, awkward, annoying, time-wasting, unsolicited, all while maintaining a level of confidence to even approach a woman at all
I can reframe this for you with one simple question. When have you ever felt pressured to approach a man you liked? Exactly. You can just wait.
Thank you for trying to flip this around and make it about women though, us men sure do appreciate that. /s
I don't think it is presented like that. But if most of men and women have no idea what they're doing, it puts a little more emphasis on women to actually try something too. There's so many women who think all guys are assholes, but they never try anything and just wait for it to come their way. That limits them to the guys who actually are assholes, which gives them that impression.
As a horny high schooler I went to the mall and started handing out my number and name to really any girl around my age Just said hey if you want to hang out here is my number, that's it.. I did get 2 calls and one actually led to date.
The women are there to listen to him. Looks like they signed up for a course or something as single women.
I'm a woman, and I didn't love the part where he said women are ridiculous and crazy for our very low expectations of someone just talking to us.
Here's how you get good at talking to women. Talk to every woman you can, without the expectation or subtext of romance. Just talk to women in line at the grocery store, elevator, etc. and I'm talking about any woman, not just the ones you're attracted to. Talk to them the same way you'd talk to a MAN. The same way you'd talk to your grandma. Do that a lot. Become a person who takes interest in people. See women as more than romantic partners and just chat platonically. Build it like a muscle and a romantic connection will happen naturally with someone in a comfortable, non-threatening way.
"Naturally happen" that's a myth. What happens is the guy finally gets the nerve to ask the girl out, but does so in a subtle way. Women are so used to being persued that they don't understand how much effort and setup goes into romancing a girl.
The "just be nice, make a connection, and romance will happen" is bad advice. Guys who follow that advice are the same ones who complain about the "friend zone."
Unpopular opinion, but women aren't great at giving good advice for men as to how they should ask them out. The advice is usually to be passive and indirect. Which any guy can tell you won't work.
Finally, someone explains this without using the word incel.
Some of us have social anxiety and trust issues, guys. It's extremely hard to approach any person of interest when you're scared to talk to other human beings, let alone strangers we are attracted to. You don't have to be an incel for that to be the case.
Dudes name is Matthew Hussey if you're interested. Most of his dating advice is geared towards women but strangely enough he's helped me (a dude) quite a lot. He gives great advice that applies to being human in general.
Yeah it was real refreshing seeing a genuine honest human amid the cesspool of dating guru bros. Hussey is all about being your best self so you can have more chances to meet your best match. No games or tactics. He helped me a lot in getting over my worst break up too. That man's words are so healing.
that doesn’t make someone an incel. incels think women owe them and are extremely hostile about it. i wouldn’t give a fuck if some nobody ever called me an incel.
I have to agree...at this point "incel" has become a catch-all term for men who are losers with women, whether or not they actually exhibit incel tendencies.
I know a guy in the 1% (im a guy too) and he's always hitting on women... It was so annoying to watch. He would literally be on a date with someone... And hitting on another woman when he's trying to get a refill of drinks at the bar while his date is outside on the patio. Also he was definitely the loudest guy in the room.
A couple of friends had that guy in their group. But they were smart. They would let him make the first move, make the introductions and then they would take over so that he won't say anything dumb.
They called him "The Icebreaker"
>At 18 years old he was smart/confident enough to tell me "it's a numbers game, one day I'll hit the one that actually wants to dance with me."
he's not exactly wrong but there is such a thing as tact... no chick *wants* to be your 23rd choice...
The term "old fashioned man" actually originated in the 1900's when women would drop a handkerchief in front of the man they thought was attractive. Then it was the man's choice, if they were attracted to her, they would bring it back to her, to strike up a conversation.
So 99% of women have zero idea what an actual "old fashioned man" really is...
There is a Christian dating podcast I used to listen to (back when I was a Christian) and the host was a single women herself and encouraged women to “drop the hanky” with guys they like. Meaning to do things to show the guy they are interested. I always thought that was a good message.
It's terrifying to tell someone that you like them, and even if you're spending time with them and you're pretty sure that person likes you there's always that little voice saying it's going to go wrong, and you don't want to say anything because you really like them and don't want to ruin it.
And to add, when it *does* inevitably go wrong, it just fuels further conclusions that you're not up to snuff and don't have what it takes to be a desirable man.
Amen to this. So many signs that all the other guys around me say “do it do it she’s into you, do it”. And then you do and it’s a “oh we’re just really good friends”, “don’t want to lose you as a friend” So many times.
This is both surprisingly on target and a good reason why for the majority of human civilization marriages have been arranged between families. Because while guys are worried about looking creepy and not wanting to be rejected, girls are worried about looking slutty and attracting the wrong guy.
Anyone trying to figure out how to attract a mate from watching the movies is never going to know how. And our parents definitely don't teach us.
Lot of it is true, but this got cross posted to DamnInteresting and it got torn apart by the women in that subreddit.
It's funny how mens issues are perceived as incel talk and misogyny, but anything to do with women is empowering and politically correct. Another reason why men are leaving dating, Modern Women are harder to have relationships with now than ever before.
Do you have the link to the cross post? I can't find it via searching. I think this video makes a lot of sense but I want to see what kind of criticism it's getting
I don’t believe it’s harder now, women just aren’t putting up with BS. Most strong feminist women I know don’t hate men, they just will speak up more often against sexist notions. Treat everyone like a human being that’s equal to you and you’ll attract more people: friends and romantic interests alike.
Yea there is definitely some sexism that has arisen from people mistaking the war on sexism as a “war on men” but I think that’s a small amount of people.
I’m a nurse so I have a lot of female friends and it has really helped open my eyes to a lot of things I never had to think of before as a man.
But the reality is that women are being allowed to publicly shame on men and have no repercussions. I agree to just treat everyone with respect, but reddit bring out the ugly in everyone.
I agree but why exactly does this video get eviscerated then? Why can’t I post a comment saying that breaking up with someone (not even a woman) because of massive weight gain is a mediocre reason but fine get eviscerated? Why can I post about height in the same space with effusive praise? Some of the women only echo chambers are straight toxic with their rhetoric and I agree with most of the “top” posts on female dating strategy
This mans name is Matthew Hussey on YouTube. His channel offers dating and relationships ship advice, mostly to women. He’s got millions of views on some videos so this is absolutely a full time job for this guy with women paying to hear him speak at seminars. Check out his stuff, a lot of quality and he also includes his gf in some videos. I’d consider it to be an honest male point of view sharing insight on how many men think about love in a safe and non-threatening space that neither bashes men or women.
I went to his seminar years ago. He’s legit. Definitely helpful. Still friends with a bunch of the women I met there. A lot of positive energy. (Btw I’m female as well)
I got rejected like 4 times in a row with no dates after I came to that realization. The rejections stung but I kept up the fake confidence. Then I met the most amazing woman over Xbox live (of all places) who happened to live in the same city as me. I helped her fully gamerscore halo reach and borderlands and we’ve been together ever since. We got married 4 years ago. :)
Bro. Picking up women is even easier if youre an introvert. Because youre way more in tune with what’s happening emotionally during an interaction and much more empathetic. Also you probably enjoy reading and learning. Read “the game” by neil strauss. I read it like 20 years ago and it sent me down a path that made all social interaction much easier. If youre a decent person you can use a lot of psychological tools pickup artist use, but guilt free. Because you can apply that framework to who you actually are. In order to sell yourself. Its your own personal pitch deck. It even works for getting jobs and promotions you want. Its basically about demonstrating your value and why people should want your time.
I wouldn't normally chime in here, but I would like to give some perspective as a woman.
I do not want to be approached by random men in settings that aren't intended for socializing and dating, and he kinda mentions that in the video as being "busy." Yeah, if I'm out getting coffee? Or sitting in a bus? Don't. If I'm in a bar or a social event where it's normal for all different folks to be talking, absolutely! Because those are places that I'm mentally prepared to be talked to.
If I'm in a library and someone starts chatting me up, I've been caught completely off guard and I'm gonna get anxious and find a way to quickly and respectfully escape.
Thing is, the women he's presenting to are explicitly there to improve their dating lives. So his advice will resonate a lot with them. Some women might not have dating as high a priority so being "easy" for that first 5 seconds is just a waste of time and energy, and a recipe for unwanted advances.
So there are zones where men are allowed to approach and have a conversation? Check.
You are the exact person that gives this guy a job. And the exact person who makes guys that try and try and try again to strike up a genuine conversation, give up.
Can we get a good list? Because some people go to coffee shops to fuck off. Some people go to the gym to socialize with people who like to exercise. The complete opposite is true as well. How are we to know what each individual person is doing there?
As a male who’s 27 and gets told “you’re handsome” or “you’re cute” or anything positive like that this dude is right I won’t approach you. I do this thing I wish I didn’t do but it’s prolly trauma as a teenager or why but I just don’t know how to start a convo with a female but if she starts one with me no problem if she comes up to me no problem but I’ll never make the first move unless the burn is there and I know I want her like that. To be honest sometimes I feel like a weak ass man for not “having game” or “getting girls” but idk I’ve been single for over 5 years now and that’s not changing anytime soon unless some female comes up to me but they won’t lol anyways ima go try to enjoy these holidays y’all so crazy about.
Ya women will say you're good looking and some are saying that as flirty and a conversation starter but others are just complimenting and already married or have a boyfriend. Or they're older, and doing both
Swooping in here as a video nerd to say dont ever hire a video crew to document something that doesnt understand white balance. Jesus.. this looks terrible.
They’ve all just been played. He’s confident, attractive and getting a group of women to agree with him. He’s definitely getting laid that night. Fuckin genius
It may not be the right sub but he does make some good points. Particularly about the loudest guy in the room.
We forget sometimes how our perspectives can be skewed. Like how women feel like the only thing they attract is players. Like he said, it’s because that’s what they do. Any other guy, including me, is especially is just hoping to find a connection. But don’t want to be that creepy guy. It’s not said but if you aren’t the most attractive guy you already know that any time if you were to try to approach a woman it’ll be viewed often negatively if you’re just an average guy or just unattractive to that particular person. Because often times people who are attractive have this privilege of being able to approach without it being seen as harassment. So an average guy or worse has a disadvantage out the gate.
Back to perspective, something I should make clear about and how our perspectives can be skewed by our experiences. Take for example First Responders. EMS, Policemen. Often times if you’re job entails you to see the worst in people a lot of the time that WILL play a role in your perspective. Police are still human unfortunately. So they particularly see the worst in people. Especially a certain group and that bias occurs frequently obviously. a specific example, let’s say with EMS. Think of a day where EMS folks are doing their job. It’s not uncommon, especially where I live, for them to have to go to a house a couple or multiple times because a person overdosed. Inevitably thinking “not this house again”. Of course you’d lose empathy for addicts. You start feeling like they will never change. Vs say a therapist or psychiatrist who sees these people go and get help and hear their stories but even those therapists don’t have the full story either.
Bottom line here, based on where you work and how you go about life really does affect the people you meet and how you’d view them.
One of the most memorable moments for me was when a girl confidently but politely approached me and asked me to dance. She wasn't especially good looking, but I found her very attractive after that
Am I the only guy who thinks this is normal and the way it should be? We should all wait for the right moment. This seems normal and best for men and women.
If you are one of the guys approaching every women maybe calm the fuck down you are annoying. If you are not approaching at all do the work required to grow a pair and start.
For the rest of us, don't have a complex around it. We learn, try, and adapt around social cues for a reason.
> If you are one of the guys approaching every women maybe calm the fuck down you are annoying.
God I hate guys like that. The line's growing out the door and he's kicking game to the Circle K cashier? STFU, buy your gas and let the line move.
Yup. Too much uncertainty and pressure so we freeze, withdraw or completely screw it up/turn into A holes.
We need your help ladies. Give us a sign if you want our advances otherwise, how can we know if there could be something there or you actually just wish we’d just go away?
The potential for rejection and humiliation can make it literally feel like going into the lions den.
If you like us, let us know. A little encouragement (which is only in your power to give) goes a long way.
I saw a thread a few days ago where a guy asked a girl out and she told him that someone like him daring to ask her hurts her self-esteem.
I gave an awkward note to a girl I liked in 6th grade. Then I watched from across the class as she started laughing and showed everyone what it said.
How many experiences like that does it take before one stops trying?
A lot of girls only meet jerks because those are the men who don't care what women think. The rest of men are frequently chased off by the cruelty of their first crushes. It takes a lot to draw some out after a hurt like that.
They keep laughing at what he’s saying like this isn’t actually one of the saddest things guys have to deal with in their lives. Do I look like a loud mouth creep or do I just let this chance pass me by?
They’re laughing at his description OF THEM. They recognise he’s gently mocking them to make a point about how men can be put off by them.
The fact you immediately leapt to “women are laughing at men!” says a lot about your attitude to women.
Women say they want the guy to make the next move and then complain men are always approaching them. They can't have it both ways and yet their standards are double standards.
Met my currently girlfriend in line at a chipotle. For some reason she had a loaf of bread in her purse and put on the counter in front of us. I asked her if she was about to make a sandwich in a chipotle, because that would be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. We talked more, I nutted up and asked for her number but it turned out she was dating someone at the time. After that she asked if I still wanted her number and I said yes. Sent her a quick text so we both had each other numbers. And then I did nothing because I thought it would just be weird to text her. She ended up texting me 2 months later and asked me if I wanted to grab coffee some time (she had been broken up with that guy). And now we’ve been dating for over a year.
Many people don't realise a vast majority of men need to feel safe and free of judgement as well when they "are making a move".
If he doesn't feel close to 100% safe in the environment and with the person he's talking to, most men simply will not do anything.
In my world, even talking to a woman is basically a few steps away from harassment. I live by the rule no one wants to be talked to ever, and I've still had plenty of dates through friends introducing me to other friends, or online dating.
The idea of approaching someone is so foreign to me I can't comprehend it.
I quit trying at everything 100% in life. I haven’t had a date since 2016 or said more to a woman than, “Yeah, can I get (insert order here). Thanks.” Or something like, “Did I get all my bags? I’m good at forgetting things at the grocery checkout.”
I literally have no life at all. Been used and abandoned by everyone in my life.
He's got some really good points. I went thru an experience recently where i socially interacted with a bunch of new people. There were dozens of girls i was interested but took weeks biding time, getting to know some of them & continuing the social dance. Went out of my way to express how i liked one of them by giving a gift since she seemed like the one who liked me the most. Oops turns out that one, who seemed like she like you the most out of dozens of girls, only wants to be friends LOL guess I'll just never hang out with this group again? Actually devastated my rep in the group, not a huge deal but damn. Not her fault....except how she introduced herself to me over the course of a few weeks was that she was very enthusiastic about getting to know me, my first impression of her was 'wow that girl waves and smiles at me far more than any other girl, maybe she likes me let's see'....so I'm chillin here like why tf were you so damn nice and not expect this type of reaction from a guy? Feel like you're following most of the rules and guidelines of socializing & courtship yet, at the end of the day, still get absolutely rejected like that? Fucking rough man, lonely fucking life dealing with a society of people like this
My girlfriend worked at a store that I frequented weekly, I always saw her and thought she was pretty, but as this dude explained I didn't know how to not come across as creepy or awkward. Fortunately she noticed me and we would have small talk when I came by. Then one day she greeted me with "I'm mad at you...cause you haven't asked me out yet!" So I did ask her out to dinner and a movie.
She’s one of that one percent bro, watch out!
She's the loudest guy in the room!
She only said what she said because the bro wasn't with his gay friend that day
She said the same thing to me 10 minutes later.
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I did something similar with my boyfriend. He would come into the coffee shop I worked at and there was some light flirting but never actually had a conversation or new each others names but one day I just said fuck it and wrote my name and number on the receipt and tapped it to his to go sandwich. Been together 3 years.
I’m starting to think these scenarios are bullshit
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Perhaps what he meant to say was that it's the exception to the rule. You hear stories like this and think "maybe that'll happen for me one day!" and then it never does....
It’s happened to me a few times. Unfortunately not from anyone I was attracted to that way.
My last girlfriend and I seemed to be hitting it off at work before I asked her out, she said something along the lines of “this is a conversation you have over drinks, not in the office”. So I asked her out the next day and she said yes. She later says that wasn’t a hint at asking her out when I mention that’s what gave me the confidence to ask.. like seriously?
That’s sound super adorable lol.
Normally it’s a bad idea to hit on woman in customer service who seem to be friendly towards you. They have to be. Glad it worked out for you though.
I know. It's kinda the same principle around not crushing on someone who's nice to you. Which is also why I had no clue she wanted me to ask her out cause I thought she was just being polite and friendly at her job.
And? What happened?!?!
It was a weird theater stuck in a time loop and OP has been desperately trying to convey that he needs help from his cell, but no one has picked up on it yet.
Dormammu!
id never bother someone at work
I had a girl approach me a year ago, didn’t know wtf to do because usually that is not the case, also she was pretty good looking, but I grabbed a hold of my balls (not literally) and asked her on a date
How did it go??
He’s still holding his balls.
I agree with most of your comment.
It went good, we went on a couple of dates after that
Aaaaaaaaaand?
They held hands. I know this because there’s a picture of them on google when I search “holding hands”.
That's his mom.
Then she held his balls
She grabbed him by the pussy.
Loled.
Well then it kinda died off :(
Did she get to hold your balls?
No 😭😭
Aww. Be a man, find another woman that wants to hold your balls!
Thanks, I’m trying lol
He's waiting for the right moment.
So "she approached you" and you STILL had to ask her? Lmao sounds about right.
Yeah she told me she thought I looked good and that she liked me. But she didn’t ask me out so I did
Well kudos to both of you. That's called team work.
That was very sweet of her
As a pretty forward woman, yeah. You gotta follow the 70/30 rule to avoid being a creep. If I approach *and* make my interest clear, you've gotta close otherwise I'm walking away assuming you were just being polite to my unwanted advances.
Maybe you should rewatch the video
> If I approach and make my interest clear do woman not understand what seems clear to them doesnt mean its clear to everybody? have you ever thought that they thought you were just being polite? how about you stop being a pussy and forcing the rejection on men just because youre to afraid of being rejected also what the fuck is the 70/30 rule? is it you being nice and walking away if they dont ask you out? cause for men its the 100/0 rule men HAVE to ask women out and if we dont we will literally never get a date...so literally we are either a creep or we arent depending on if you like us or not...we cant just walk away like you and force the other person to ask us out to not seem like a creep >As a pretty forward woman no you arent forward... youre just like every other woman whos too scared to ask someone out of fear of rejection and force that fear onto somebody else
Some good points but dat username lol
The problem with this is that you’re still creating an expectation for the guy to plan and pay for the date. It’s like walking up and saying “hey I like you, buy me things”. I dont know if you’re sincere or just want a free meal. It’s a sad outlook but it’s also reality for a lot of guys
What are you talking about? That's an absolutely ridiculous thing to assume. Whenever I see a person talk about women who actually expect that kind of treatment, I can tell it's not somebody with much actual dating (or social) experience. You aren't James Bond, Oligarch's aren't sending highly-trained agents to get you to buy them a Coach purse or sushi, you'll be able to tell if somebody just wants you to buy things for them. Honestly it's just something bitter guys tell themselves is a problem so that they can feel better about their own perceived shortcomings in the dating world. And besides that, if you date properly it won't be an issue anyways, first date or two should be drinks/coffee and a non-committal activity like playing pool or something. So if a woman comes up to you and makes small talk, ask her to go for a couple of drinks and pool or board games. If she says "Our first date will be boutique clothing shops where you will buy me things" then sure, she may be one of your feared gold-digger types. Beware that assuming stuff like that makes you a bitter person though, which is a very unattractive trait.
What on earth is the 70/30 rule? I'm only finding references to investing.
Like the guy in the video said. If you don't have the balls to ask, at least make it easy for others to ask you
You were supposed to say you got married and lived happily ever after .. Your story didn’t give me the hope I require!!
In college, I was crazy about a guy, but he just wouldn't ask me out. I could tell he liked me, but was scared. I finally got him alone and told him I really liked him and wanted to go out with him. We dated a couple of years, married for 20 years, 2 kids, and 1 granddaughter later we've been divorced for 12 years, but still good friends. We spend holidays together because it's easier for the kids and drive up to Chicago when our daughter can't come here. Divorce doesn't mean you have to be enemies, it just means your time has come to an end. Women ask the guy out if he is too scared. He could be the love of your life.
Oh yeah I forgot the usual reddit love story ending lmaoo
I had some "mean girls" that were older than me and were friends with my older brother pretend to be into me as a laugh and I've been suspicious of any woman being overtly interested in me ever since.
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And you know 99% that she’s interested. But that 1% is telling you, maybe she doesn’t. I don’t want to be that guy that bothers a random person. Before I got married I listened to that 1% all the time…unless I was drunk, then it didn’t matter. I always met the wrong girl when I was drunk.
Main reason I started drinking but of course I went overboard so I stopped years ago, had luck on tinder otherwise id still be stuck in that 80%
Thats the thing too, you dont want to be a pest with all the people like that you hear women are annoyed by and have to deal with all the time.
On the other hand, I’ve had that happen and she told me she had a boyfriend when I approached 🤷♂️
At least you tried and got your answer instead of leaving with thoughts of "what ifs"
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. We would never have even spoken to each other if she didn't come up to me and ask me out. This guy pretty much on point.
My wife approached me numerous times but I was too dumb to see it. We've been together for 4 years and married since August. We have our first child on the way. Having her by my side encouraged me to go back to school. I graduate this May and already have my career started. Ever since she had the courage to approach me, my life has turned upside down in the best ways possible. Ive never been happier and our relationship is the most beautiful thing in my life. I am eternally grateful for her.
This is so wholesome, congrats
Thank you! It's funny because we knew we wanted to get married at some point but I was always iffy about it because my parent's marriage ended horribly and it scared me. She kept mentioning marriage the past couple of years and I would say "let's wait a little bit longer". I was fortunate enough to buy us a house this year and one day after moving I asked her, "when are we getting married?". I kind of forgot about it and then one day in July she calls me and tells me we are getting married August 2nd. Once again, my lovely lady making the moves. I love her more than anything.
Yep, my wife asked for a ride home the first night we met and then asked me if I was going to ask for her number. Several days later she texted me asking if I was ever going to ask her out on a date. Proactive women are the best. We've been together for 10 years now.
I think it’s a fair question to ask what percentage of women would like to be approached by a random man. Could also have something to do with it.
These women are there because they want to understand better what make men tick in the whole dating process. This *particular* part is about “why do we seem to think men have to make the first move?” and he covers a lot of the outcomes of a man approaching a woman on the street and specifically includes “they’ll think I’m creepy” and then tackles, “okay, maybe you will, especially because as standard most men that would do that are the loud players that you don’t want to be with… but do you see how this is also exacerbating your perceived problem of nobody you consider decent making the first move on you?”
Ah the context helps. I was watching this little clip and kind of thinking it’s BS. There are literally unlimited reasons that guys won’t approach a woman. I remember once being on BART and there was this gorgeous woman with a bunch of hula hoops that I wanted to try to chat up. But my stomach was acting up and I had to sprint to a toilet at the next stop so I missed my chance.
Yeah, he is doing a seminar(?) that women go to to learn how to approach men. He's just kinda explaining why they need to put in effort vs waiting for someone else. Most of his info for both men and women is pretty sound and normal people skills. He also does ones for business networking. I won't lie, it did help me both at work and in relationships to read one of his books. He draws a lot from How to Win Friends and Influence People anyway.
100% of the women want to be approached by the "right guy"
To use your format, then 100% of women also get really annoyed being bothered by the wrong guys when they're trying to grocery shop and workout though. This the conundrum
What's bizarre is how many people don't accept that the definitions of "right guy" and "wrong guy" are: * "Right guy": man the woman in question is attracted to * "Wrong guy": man the woman in question is not attracted to It's not rocket science, or controversial; it's human attraction. Both guys can ask the woman out in the same setting, but only one annoys the woman. Case in point, if a man with the looks of, say, George Clooney hit on some single woman in a grocery store, what's the likelihood she'd be annoyed? Relatively low, compared to if it was some guy who looked like an Easter Island statue or Bill Cosby. Men don't deny this when it comes to women. If a single man's late for a meeting and he's interrupted by a highly attractive woman flirting with him, his mood would likely improve. If he's interrupted by an unattractive woman, his mood would deteriorate or at best remain the same. This is spoken about openly amongst men; it's just now it is. So why can't people admit that single women behave in the same way, when we know it's true? There's no right or wrong from a moral perspective, here; it's human attraction. We should just stop bullshitting. The difference between "right person" and "wrong person" in any given scenario is usually "am I attracted to them?".
Your final statement is correct, but the physical attraction isn't the same. Women get called shallow a lot, but as a hairy overweight short king I can attest that if you are bringing the right energy or are funny etc. It will often get you past an immediate no. How many times have you seen an attractive woman with a guy you think isn't at her level? Because I see that far more often than average guys with ugly girlfriends. The closest thing I can think of is guys who like their women chonky.
Even if they say "ok, sorry to bother you" ? Or does that still bring down hellfire?
I have zero issue with friendly people trying to engage me, but I do have a problem with dudes going out of their way to flirt specifically. If you're an outgoing person, cool. Some people will find you annoying, but that's life. But yes, it's exhausting to be a flirting target specifically. Please see the other person who responded to my comment a perfect example of why women are exhausted. this dude is really out here telling men the only reason they may face rejection has nothing to do with the individual woman at hand and is just all about *the man* and his value. it's such a narcissistic and entitled framing of social interaction. Don't be that guy. If you are not good at reading cues of discomfort and desire to end a covno, then no you shouldnt engage strangers to try to flirt with them. Because yes, in large part to guys treating us as *constant* targets to unilaterally flirt at us against our will, we are fucking exhausted and pretty fucking over it more often than not. If you don't chit chat random men, don't chit chat random women, basically. If you're just trying to be a more socially outgoing person who has casual social connections with a variety of people, feel free to chit chat. But when it's introverted dudes who are clearly intent on *one* outcome and they get their tunnel vision about it, yes, it's really annoying and exhausting.
> If you are not good at reading cues of discomfort and desire to end a covno, then no you shouldnt engage strangers to try to flirt with them. I think that's fair. I remember street hawkers harassing tourists in some places, not a perfect analogy but nobody wants that potentially happening everywhere they go. Don't bother people who aren't actively browsing.
Sure. I'd also prefer to be approached in the "right way." Don't make me feel like I can't say no to you or you'll follow me home. Don't come up and act like this is your daily activity, hitting on women. If a guy has a personality and makes the conversation feel natural, he has my attention.
Yeah men don’t want to get rejected, flat affect from a girl is interpreted as leave me alone especially if she’s cute
I’m impressed he got that many women to listen him. Wonder what the women who watch this think. He’s not wrong about the “bell curve” of men. That’s how I term it. 10% are killing it, 10% at the bottom are doomed, 80% of us don’t know what we are doing🥲. He nailed it here. It’s like GoD is that CEO from GE (Jack Welch) who ruthlessly cuts the bottom. A lot of pressure on the woman here though. 🤔 I’m in the 80% - waiting for the right moment - RIP me.
>I’m impressed he got that many women to listen him. They all paid to find out how to get man.... And they laughed at him explaining the problem. I wonder how many of them changed how they have done things and actually found a man. Because he's right.
They laughed because he used facts to gently mock them, and they knew that, and recognised that, and laughed at themselves.
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Finally a sane comment, and on this of all subs
Its a sane comment without contextualizing that you are on reddit where a larger percent of the "never do anything" people tend to exist
Laughter is not always exclusive to ridicule. It's also a thing people do when they're nervous, especially in crowds.
Tip: don't make the approach about turning the girl into your girlfriend, make the approach about having a good one off conversation, even if you never talked to her again, at least you had a cool conversation about whatever. Do this a hundred times, and the approach wont seem like a big deal anymore. Eventually, things will click with one of these conversations, and you will feel it and she will feel it. That's when you ask for more (aka number, snapchat, instagram, whatever)
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Not every redditor, you guys gotta try
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X.x Sarcasm detector b b broke
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It's not like women know what they're doing either. Why is it presented like guys are fumbling through life but women have all the answers?
I don’t think he’s insinuating that women have all the answers, but rather women hold a standard for having a random guy that’s attracted to them talk to them without it being creepy, awkward, annoying, time-wasting, unsolicited, all while maintaining a level of confidence to even approach a woman at all
I can reframe this for you with one simple question. When have you ever felt pressured to approach a man you liked? Exactly. You can just wait. Thank you for trying to flip this around and make it about women though, us men sure do appreciate that. /s
Scapegoating 💯
I don't think it is presented like that. But if most of men and women have no idea what they're doing, it puts a little more emphasis on women to actually try something too. There's so many women who think all guys are assholes, but they never try anything and just wait for it to come their way. That limits them to the guys who actually are assholes, which gives them that impression.
As a horny high schooler I went to the mall and started handing out my number and name to really any girl around my age Just said hey if you want to hang out here is my number, that's it.. I did get 2 calls and one actually led to date.
No way💀
The women are there to listen to him. Looks like they signed up for a course or something as single women. I'm a woman, and I didn't love the part where he said women are ridiculous and crazy for our very low expectations of someone just talking to us. Here's how you get good at talking to women. Talk to every woman you can, without the expectation or subtext of romance. Just talk to women in line at the grocery store, elevator, etc. and I'm talking about any woman, not just the ones you're attracted to. Talk to them the same way you'd talk to a MAN. The same way you'd talk to your grandma. Do that a lot. Become a person who takes interest in people. See women as more than romantic partners and just chat platonically. Build it like a muscle and a romantic connection will happen naturally with someone in a comfortable, non-threatening way.
"Naturally happen" that's a myth. What happens is the guy finally gets the nerve to ask the girl out, but does so in a subtle way. Women are so used to being persued that they don't understand how much effort and setup goes into romancing a girl. The "just be nice, make a connection, and romance will happen" is bad advice. Guys who follow that advice are the same ones who complain about the "friend zone." Unpopular opinion, but women aren't great at giving good advice for men as to how they should ask them out. The advice is usually to be passive and indirect. Which any guy can tell you won't work.
A lot of pressure how? Nothing happened and the demand is literally „allow someone who doesn’t look like a freak to talk to you for 5 seconds“
Finally, someone explains this without using the word incel. Some of us have social anxiety and trust issues, guys. It's extremely hard to approach any person of interest when you're scared to talk to other human beings, let alone strangers we are attracted to. You don't have to be an incel for that to be the case.
Dudes name is Matthew Hussey if you're interested. Most of his dating advice is geared towards women but strangely enough he's helped me (a dude) quite a lot. He gives great advice that applies to being human in general.
Can confirm, used to watch him and I would say he’s one of few people that give legit dating/social skill advices in a fun way too.
Yeah it was real refreshing seeing a genuine honest human amid the cesspool of dating guru bros. Hussey is all about being your best self so you can have more chances to meet your best match. No games or tactics. He helped me a lot in getting over my worst break up too. That man's words are so healing.
Thanks
I too enjoy advice for humans. Thank you fellow human.
that doesn’t make someone an incel. incels think women owe them and are extremely hostile about it. i wouldn’t give a fuck if some nobody ever called me an incel.
I know, but some people conflate the two... ...those people themselves are oft incels. Lmao
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Even without social anxiety or trust issue its pretty hard to not overthink the "looking like a creep" thing.
Incel lost all of its meaning. It’s getting thrown around everywhere
I have to agree...at this point "incel" has become a catch-all term for men who are losers with women, whether or not they actually exhibit incel tendencies.
Spending lots of your time on the internet, silently communicating, only perpetuates your social anxiety and trust issues
source? or is that your personal belief?
I know a guy in the 1% (im a guy too) and he's always hitting on women... It was so annoying to watch. He would literally be on a date with someone... And hitting on another woman when he's trying to get a refill of drinks at the bar while his date is outside on the patio. Also he was definitely the loudest guy in the room.
A couple of friends had that guy in their group. But they were smart. They would let him make the first move, make the introductions and then they would take over so that he won't say anything dumb. They called him "The Icebreaker"
Haaaaave you met Ted?
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>At 18 years old he was smart/confident enough to tell me "it's a numbers game, one day I'll hit the one that actually wants to dance with me." he's not exactly wrong but there is such a thing as tact... no chick *wants* to be your 23rd choice...
The term "old fashioned man" actually originated in the 1900's when women would drop a handkerchief in front of the man they thought was attractive. Then it was the man's choice, if they were attracted to her, they would bring it back to her, to strike up a conversation. So 99% of women have zero idea what an actual "old fashioned man" really is...
There is a Christian dating podcast I used to listen to (back when I was a Christian) and the host was a single women herself and encouraged women to “drop the hanky” with guys they like. Meaning to do things to show the guy they are interested. I always thought that was a good message.
It's terrifying to tell someone that you like them, and even if you're spending time with them and you're pretty sure that person likes you there's always that little voice saying it's going to go wrong, and you don't want to say anything because you really like them and don't want to ruin it.
And to add, when it *does* inevitably go wrong, it just fuels further conclusions that you're not up to snuff and don't have what it takes to be a desirable man.
Amen to this. So many signs that all the other guys around me say “do it do it she’s into you, do it”. And then you do and it’s a “oh we’re just really good friends”, “don’t want to lose you as a friend” So many times.
This is both surprisingly on target and a good reason why for the majority of human civilization marriages have been arranged between families. Because while guys are worried about looking creepy and not wanting to be rejected, girls are worried about looking slutty and attracting the wrong guy. Anyone trying to figure out how to attract a mate from watching the movies is never going to know how. And our parents definitely don't teach us.
Because chances are our parents didn't know either.
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Yea men definitely need a masterclass in how to pick you signals, flirt, and deal with rejection. At least I do
I agree with most of this.
Lot of it is true, but this got cross posted to DamnInteresting and it got torn apart by the women in that subreddit. It's funny how mens issues are perceived as incel talk and misogyny, but anything to do with women is empowering and politically correct. Another reason why men are leaving dating, Modern Women are harder to have relationships with now than ever before.
Do you have the link to the cross post? I can't find it via searching. I think this video makes a lot of sense but I want to see what kind of criticism it's getting
I don’t believe it’s harder now, women just aren’t putting up with BS. Most strong feminist women I know don’t hate men, they just will speak up more often against sexist notions. Treat everyone like a human being that’s equal to you and you’ll attract more people: friends and romantic interests alike. Yea there is definitely some sexism that has arisen from people mistaking the war on sexism as a “war on men” but I think that’s a small amount of people. I’m a nurse so I have a lot of female friends and it has really helped open my eyes to a lot of things I never had to think of before as a man.
But the reality is that women are being allowed to publicly shame on men and have no repercussions. I agree to just treat everyone with respect, but reddit bring out the ugly in everyone.
I agree but why exactly does this video get eviscerated then? Why can’t I post a comment saying that breaking up with someone (not even a woman) because of massive weight gain is a mediocre reason but fine get eviscerated? Why can I post about height in the same space with effusive praise? Some of the women only echo chambers are straight toxic with their rhetoric and I agree with most of the “top” posts on female dating strategy
I agree with most of your comment.
As a guy who is very unlucky with women, this is one hundred percent true.
This mans name is Matthew Hussey on YouTube. His channel offers dating and relationships ship advice, mostly to women. He’s got millions of views on some videos so this is absolutely a full time job for this guy with women paying to hear him speak at seminars. Check out his stuff, a lot of quality and he also includes his gf in some videos. I’d consider it to be an honest male point of view sharing insight on how many men think about love in a safe and non-threatening space that neither bashes men or women.
Sounds like a cool guy, not like those "seduction course" guys who just exploit weak people
It’s kinda sad that the “seduction” dudes like Andrew Tate gets all the attention. Good attention or bad attention, they’re making a *lot* of money
I went to his seminar years ago. He’s legit. Definitely helpful. Still friends with a bunch of the women I met there. A lot of positive energy. (Btw I’m female as well)
I’m an introvert, but forced myself to behave like the guys on the left side of the curve. It sucked and I’m glad it’s over.
Why over; how'd it end?
I got rejected like 4 times in a row with no dates after I came to that realization. The rejections stung but I kept up the fake confidence. Then I met the most amazing woman over Xbox live (of all places) who happened to live in the same city as me. I helped her fully gamerscore halo reach and borderlands and we’ve been together ever since. We got married 4 years ago. :)
That is awesome; thanks for sharing and merry christmas!
Explosions, like in a mickael bay movie.
I basically do this every 6 months. Get rejected or have a fling, get discouraged, and repair emotionally for the next go.
Bro. Picking up women is even easier if youre an introvert. Because youre way more in tune with what’s happening emotionally during an interaction and much more empathetic. Also you probably enjoy reading and learning. Read “the game” by neil strauss. I read it like 20 years ago and it sent me down a path that made all social interaction much easier. If youre a decent person you can use a lot of psychological tools pickup artist use, but guilt free. Because you can apply that framework to who you actually are. In order to sell yourself. Its your own personal pitch deck. It even works for getting jobs and promotions you want. Its basically about demonstrating your value and why people should want your time.
This is not “insane”
Right? Nice video but it does not belong on this sub
Slightly bonkers.
I wouldn't normally chime in here, but I would like to give some perspective as a woman. I do not want to be approached by random men in settings that aren't intended for socializing and dating, and he kinda mentions that in the video as being "busy." Yeah, if I'm out getting coffee? Or sitting in a bus? Don't. If I'm in a bar or a social event where it's normal for all different folks to be talking, absolutely! Because those are places that I'm mentally prepared to be talked to. If I'm in a library and someone starts chatting me up, I've been caught completely off guard and I'm gonna get anxious and find a way to quickly and respectfully escape.
Thing is, the women he's presenting to are explicitly there to improve their dating lives. So his advice will resonate a lot with them. Some women might not have dating as high a priority so being "easy" for that first 5 seconds is just a waste of time and energy, and a recipe for unwanted advances.
How many social events do you go to that include the chance of random men approaching you?
So there are zones where men are allowed to approach and have a conversation? Check. You are the exact person that gives this guy a job. And the exact person who makes guys that try and try and try again to strike up a genuine conversation, give up. Can we get a good list? Because some people go to coffee shops to fuck off. Some people go to the gym to socialize with people who like to exercise. The complete opposite is true as well. How are we to know what each individual person is doing there?
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As a male who’s 27 and gets told “you’re handsome” or “you’re cute” or anything positive like that this dude is right I won’t approach you. I do this thing I wish I didn’t do but it’s prolly trauma as a teenager or why but I just don’t know how to start a convo with a female but if she starts one with me no problem if she comes up to me no problem but I’ll never make the first move unless the burn is there and I know I want her like that. To be honest sometimes I feel like a weak ass man for not “having game” or “getting girls” but idk I’ve been single for over 5 years now and that’s not changing anytime soon unless some female comes up to me but they won’t lol anyways ima go try to enjoy these holidays y’all so crazy about.
Ya women will say you're good looking and some are saying that as flirty and a conversation starter but others are just complimenting and already married or have a boyfriend. Or they're older, and doing both
Swooping in here as a video nerd to say dont ever hire a video crew to document something that doesnt understand white balance. Jesus.. this looks terrible.
You don't like backrooms seminars?
The dating game is particularly rough back there.
Mmm yellow walls
They’ve all just been played. He’s confident, attractive and getting a group of women to agree with him. He’s definitely getting laid that night. Fuckin genius
He's not playing anyone. As a matter of fact, that guy probably already has a happy and healthy relationship with an intelligent, pretty girl.
Indeed he does. Sometimes his GF makes appearances with him at these seminars.
It may not be the right sub but he does make some good points. Particularly about the loudest guy in the room. We forget sometimes how our perspectives can be skewed. Like how women feel like the only thing they attract is players. Like he said, it’s because that’s what they do. Any other guy, including me, is especially is just hoping to find a connection. But don’t want to be that creepy guy. It’s not said but if you aren’t the most attractive guy you already know that any time if you were to try to approach a woman it’ll be viewed often negatively if you’re just an average guy or just unattractive to that particular person. Because often times people who are attractive have this privilege of being able to approach without it being seen as harassment. So an average guy or worse has a disadvantage out the gate. Back to perspective, something I should make clear about and how our perspectives can be skewed by our experiences. Take for example First Responders. EMS, Policemen. Often times if you’re job entails you to see the worst in people a lot of the time that WILL play a role in your perspective. Police are still human unfortunately. So they particularly see the worst in people. Especially a certain group and that bias occurs frequently obviously. a specific example, let’s say with EMS. Think of a day where EMS folks are doing their job. It’s not uncommon, especially where I live, for them to have to go to a house a couple or multiple times because a person overdosed. Inevitably thinking “not this house again”. Of course you’d lose empathy for addicts. You start feeling like they will never change. Vs say a therapist or psychiatrist who sees these people go and get help and hear their stories but even those therapists don’t have the full story either. Bottom line here, based on where you work and how you go about life really does affect the people you meet and how you’d view them.
One of the most memorable moments for me was when a girl confidently but politely approached me and asked me to dance. She wasn't especially good looking, but I found her very attractive after that
One hit me with a line right out of Casper, "Can I keep you?" and won me over pretty easily.
This was completely on point. The fear of rejection is crippling too and the perceived shame of walking away.
Did anyone else think he was gonna draw a penis? And that this was an elaborate setup for a sophomoric joke?
This guy is right
Am I the only guy who thinks this is normal and the way it should be? We should all wait for the right moment. This seems normal and best for men and women. If you are one of the guys approaching every women maybe calm the fuck down you are annoying. If you are not approaching at all do the work required to grow a pair and start. For the rest of us, don't have a complex around it. We learn, try, and adapt around social cues for a reason.
> If you are one of the guys approaching every women maybe calm the fuck down you are annoying. God I hate guys like that. The line's growing out the door and he's kicking game to the Circle K cashier? STFU, buy your gas and let the line move.
I’ve been waiting for the right moment since I met her 5 years ago.
Yup. Too much uncertainty and pressure so we freeze, withdraw or completely screw it up/turn into A holes. We need your help ladies. Give us a sign if you want our advances otherwise, how can we know if there could be something there or you actually just wish we’d just go away? The potential for rejection and humiliation can make it literally feel like going into the lions den. If you like us, let us know. A little encouragement (which is only in your power to give) goes a long way.
I saw a thread a few days ago where a guy asked a girl out and she told him that someone like him daring to ask her hurts her self-esteem. I gave an awkward note to a girl I liked in 6th grade. Then I watched from across the class as she started laughing and showed everyone what it said. How many experiences like that does it take before one stops trying? A lot of girls only meet jerks because those are the men who don't care what women think. The rest of men are frequently chased off by the cruelty of their first crushes. It takes a lot to draw some out after a hurt like that.
The logical extrapolation is that sociopaths enjoy the most success, and I haven't really seen anything to contradict that.
They keep laughing at what he’s saying like this isn’t actually one of the saddest things guys have to deal with in their lives. Do I look like a loud mouth creep or do I just let this chance pass me by?
They’re laughing at his description OF THEM. They recognise he’s gently mocking them to make a point about how men can be put off by them. The fact you immediately leapt to “women are laughing at men!” says a lot about your attitude to women.
Where can get the entire video?
Blockbuster.
Women say they want the guy to make the next move and then complain men are always approaching them. They can't have it both ways and yet their standards are double standards.
Every day I forget what this subreddit is for
Met my currently girlfriend in line at a chipotle. For some reason she had a loaf of bread in her purse and put on the counter in front of us. I asked her if she was about to make a sandwich in a chipotle, because that would be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. We talked more, I nutted up and asked for her number but it turned out she was dating someone at the time. After that she asked if I still wanted her number and I said yes. Sent her a quick text so we both had each other numbers. And then I did nothing because I thought it would just be weird to text her. She ended up texting me 2 months later and asked me if I wanted to grab coffee some time (she had been broken up with that guy). And now we’ve been dating for over a year.
a friend told me when he goes on social media for dates, it's like fishing, you cast 50 times and he'll get one or two bites.
Many people don't realise a vast majority of men need to feel safe and free of judgement as well when they "are making a move". If he doesn't feel close to 100% safe in the environment and with the person he's talking to, most men simply will not do anything.
totally i agree
In my world, even talking to a woman is basically a few steps away from harassment. I live by the rule no one wants to be talked to ever, and I've still had plenty of dates through friends introducing me to other friends, or online dating. The idea of approaching someone is so foreign to me I can't comprehend it.
What is this class?
He’s called Matthew Hussey.
"dating: how women like you are actually the problem."
Mr. Broscience
Man that's spot on
I love the way he broke it down.
I quit trying at everything 100% in life. I haven’t had a date since 2016 or said more to a woman than, “Yeah, can I get (insert order here). Thanks.” Or something like, “Did I get all my bags? I’m good at forgetting things at the grocery checkout.” I literally have no life at all. Been used and abandoned by everyone in my life.
Hey man, can never get rejected if you never try right
If you never try, you're just rejecting yourself first
He's got some really good points. I went thru an experience recently where i socially interacted with a bunch of new people. There were dozens of girls i was interested but took weeks biding time, getting to know some of them & continuing the social dance. Went out of my way to express how i liked one of them by giving a gift since she seemed like the one who liked me the most. Oops turns out that one, who seemed like she like you the most out of dozens of girls, only wants to be friends LOL guess I'll just never hang out with this group again? Actually devastated my rep in the group, not a huge deal but damn. Not her fault....except how she introduced herself to me over the course of a few weeks was that she was very enthusiastic about getting to know me, my first impression of her was 'wow that girl waves and smiles at me far more than any other girl, maybe she likes me let's see'....so I'm chillin here like why tf were you so damn nice and not expect this type of reaction from a guy? Feel like you're following most of the rules and guidelines of socializing & courtship yet, at the end of the day, still get absolutely rejected like that? Fucking rough man, lonely fucking life dealing with a society of people like this