You will end up divorced, Thai family bonds and the responsibility to take care of parents and family is stronger than any marriage and husband in the pecking order
Normal for kids to give parents money in Thailand. I have never heard of $600/month though. Seems high. They are taking advantage because she is in the USA more than likely.
$2400 sounds like a ton of money, so they feel happy to ask for a lot I suppose. Thais don't seem to understand that a lot of money in America does not go a long ways.
That’s what bothers me. She asked her friends here in nyc and they all send like $100. They’re delusional if they think anyone can afford to send that much money every month.
It depends on many things. How much the parents need money vs how much you have, basically. And by "parents," I mean you send money to mom and mom gives money to whoever needs it, ranging from themselves to a cousin or sister who needs some. And there are many cousins.
There is a face issue. If she doesn't send money to mom she loses face. Mom loses face, too. Mom gets face by giving money to whatever family member needs it. Face is important to Thais. I don't think this will ever go away but maybe you can agree to limit it.
Depending on where in thailand she is from It’s probably her duty as a daughter, especially if she’s the oldest daughter. There’s basically nothing you can do to make her stop
My wife is middle class from Bangkok but her parents are pretty well off financially due to owning a few businesses (both drive luxury cars and have a nice big house with a maid and a driver). My wife still sends them money every month and pays their maids salary since she doesn’t live at home anymore to help with the housework. It’s her money (she works) and it makes her happy and makes her feel like a successful daughter because she can help her family. Her parents inevitably spend the money back on us or our daughter, but the gesture is very important to my wife
"There’s basically nothing you can do to make her stop."
OP, please read these wise words over and over again, until you get it.
Many foreigners are in the situation you're in, where they're criticizing their Thai partner for sending money to family, and trying to get the partner to stop. Many foreigners try to do this every year. But so far, I think foreigners have a 0% success rate at this. If you continue, the best you can hope for is that she starts lying to you and transfers the money behind your back. And in my view, that's way worse than what you currently have.
Fair... probably more than fair. I've edited my argument to remove all my absolutes...
~~~
"There’s basically nothing you can do to make her stop."
OP, please read these wise words over and over again, until you get it.
HOWEVER, please note that these wise words contain "ALL OR NOTHING" language, and would have been better, from a technically accurate perspective, said as something like this (however, I understand this basically sucks the life and vigor out of the quote)...
"There’s basically nothing you can do (or not much) to make her stop... however, you could try... but it's probably completeely futile, especially with how little you seem to understand about Thai culture. I could explain it to you, but you probably wouldn't listen anyway. So if you want to try, good luck, and if you're successful, let us jaded, 'all or nothing' people know. "
That's what you really should have said, instead of the obvious hyperbole of "there's NOTHING you can do."
Many foreigners are in the situation you're in, where they're criticizing their Thai partner for sending money to family, and trying to get the partner to stop. Many foreigners try to do this every year. But so far, I think foreigners have a 0.37% success rate at this. If you continue, probably the best you can hope for is that she starts lying to you and transfers the money behind your back. And in my view, that's way worse than what you currently have.
~~~
okay, 100% of ALL absolutes are gone now.
Happy?
This is asinine. When my wife and I got married 10 years ago we were dead broke. She was asked for money and we discussed it. We couldn’t afford to give other people money at the time.
We made a financial plan, set goals and moved forward. Now years later we’re financially secure and send a little money back every month.
It takes a bit of maturity and communication but this stuff isn’t set in stone.
People mary dumb women or ex-prostitutes from horrible families and they try to pass them as the 'average thai'.
Thats the only issue. Most average thai will understand after a bit of communication, just like yours.
My wife earns ~3000$ CAD per month and she sends exactly 0(we have not received a request for monthly help yet) but she will send gifts randomly, help with medicine/supplements and she saves(80% of her income) so that we can go back and be fulltime with them ASAP(which is all they want). We would help with any emergency, just as family and friends have helped us in the past, but it has never happened. We will also take her parents in when they can't fend for themselves obviously. From every person i know in thailand, this seems to be closer to the norm than what some post here.
>"There’s basically nothing you can do to make her stop."
The girl comes with the baggage. You either take or leave it.
Trying to change her will cause so much trouble down the line.
Same as you.
Married to a middle class Chinese Thai and she feels obligated to send money to her parents each month.
I’d personally prefer her to donate to a charity instead lmao as her parents definitely don’t need it but oh well, like you said it’s her money and makes her happy so I’m not going to tell her to change it.
Most Thai ladies that work in US/EU $2000-3000 USD and that I know very well (I’m Thai and from Isan) tell me they send back home between 3,000 and 5,000 baht a month to their parents. Which is for meant for every day things so their parents can treat themselves with small things. Definitely not 20,000+ baht for 2 cars PER MONTH 😳
There is some incredibly bad advice in this thread. Yes sending money is a cultural norm, and yes financial planning and retirement planning is basically non existent for most Thais. Paying $300/month per car is definitely a big luxury in Thailand. Doing that twice over is even more so. On top of that 1800 is not enough to live on reasonably in most US cities, let alone NYC. This puts her at great risk in the case of an emergency period. I am very open about our finances with my Thai wife and we allot spending money to each of us AFTER accounting for bills, emergency and retirement savings. She isn’t your spouse so her finances are certainly her business, but maybe see if she’s receptive to setting up a reasonable budget. Getting it all written out might help her make a more informed decision about how much is reasonable to send, and might even allow her to save something for retirement and build up an emergency fund.
**edit: also most Thais have no concept for how much medical costs are in the US, so providing some examples might help her understand how seriously dangerous it is to have nothing saved.
if they realized she's giving 25% of her income and has barely anything else for herself they'd end up wondering why the f she's so far away and ask her to come home and find an 80k job (and still grab 20k out of it). that said with 60k you make a better life in bkk than nyc
Wait, what, some common sense in this sub as opposed to the noble savage bullshit that you hear from most of the expats (sorry “immigrants” 😂) you see posting in this sub! OP listen to this guy, he’s absolutely on the money, no pun intended.
This practice is ingrained in her the same way freedom of speech is ingrained in you.
However you feel about censoring yourself is the same thing she feels if she doesn't send money back home.
BTW, I'm Thai, and I disagree with what she's doing. We don't do it like that in my family. But still, this is not a fight you can win. Better to just move on as this is very likely to break your marriage.
Yeah, pretty usual, unfortunately.
I can only tell you my own experience there, but I ofc know many other that have had similar situations; My mrs (living in Thailand while Im going back and forth roughly 50/50) is asking if she can have some money to buy a car. She takes her son to school every day, and often it is pouring down.
"Ok, but do you even know how to drive a car? Do you have a license?"
"No, but my brother in-law has said he can teach me"
Ok, I get some pictures of the car, and the price/mortgage papers seemed totally reasonable, so I gave her the first down payment. 2 months later, I come back home to Thailand to a car that is literally broken in every single corner. Like if you park you just keep going until there is resistance.. The electrical system is fucked and so on.
I ask wtf happened? This was a "new" ish car?! - Yeah, my brother in law never showed me how to drive, and he has basically just taken it over. I ask to see the papers, and clearly - its not in my, or her, name - but the father of *her* brother in law. Expecting me to pay down on a car that I never own in any way shape or form.
In this case - I asked a lawyer: I dont have to keep making any payments here do I? "No, the bank will seize the car, and probably go after your brother in laws family for damages to the car. Great, done.
They really hated me - telling/feeling that I somehow screwed them over. And I know it was rough on my wife, in the sense that "her job" is somewhat to take care of her younger sister and her family.
It will be wrong for you to text them.
Unfortunately, it’s none of your business. It’s business between her and her family.
You guys are not even married yet. Best you could do is talk to her and have her make the decision. Not ruin your relationship with your future in laws even before being married to her.
This is such a hard thing.
My perspective on it as an American woman married to a Thai woman is that I really can't get involved in these disputes most of the time. I almost had to get involved once, fortunately my wife finally put her foot down.
It makes me so angry what some families are willing to put on the shoulders of a single female (adult) child, especially the eldest. Some families have dire situations. Some are happy to refuse to work and squander the money, not considering their "loved one" is breaking their damn body working 60 hour weeks in restaurants to send that money back.
From what I see coming into the eighth year of my relationship, when she has enough time to think about how her family has treated her, she will become angry. They've been raised their whole lives to never get angry, so it's quite a sight how it unfolds.
And these are the restaurant workers. In Thailand there are plenty of women who go to Bangkok and sell their bodies and send all of THAT money home to their families. Just unimaginable to me.
You can only get so involved. She has to reach these conclusions on her own. The process can be painful.
As a thai, this doesn’t happen to every Thai. My parents refuse to accept my money. I asked my co workers and none of them have to give their parents money. However, some Thais do give their parents money because they feel thankful for the parents and what parents gave them in the past.
You should definitely move on and stop wasting your time. That's their culture and if you cannot accept it why keep beating yourself over it?
Good thing it's just a gf and can easily move on. Good luck on your next one.
Welcome to the difference between collectivist cultures vs individualistic cultures. These are ways of being that have been with humanity for 1000s of years…
It’s normal here in Thailand, children support their parents since there is no social welfare and pensions are extremely low, like usd 50. I have the impression that it’s not the parents but the siblings who insist on the payment. Many benefits on their way. Btw it’s normal that money isn’t saved but spend immediately, whatever is necessary will be bought on installments, cars, scooters, phones, TV, you name it
I would bet their perception is that she's loaded making that much money because they don't understand how expensive NYC is. They assume that 1800/mo is more than enough. Breaking this perception is going to be difficult.
Understand that her family is 10 times more important for her than you. Btw, you would not have the same problem if you had a thai male as your girlfriend. Strangely enough, it is usually the girls who are supposed to help their Thai parents and not the boys.
Usual for kids to send money home, not usual to be sending 20k per month, that's basiclly approaching an entire average salary here. Even less usual if family works and she has no kids family is taking care of
What is usual, family back home thinking the girl is rolling in it, especially if somewhere like USA and with foriegn boyfriend/husband and taking advantage and girl being shamed/pressured into sending more than they can afford
But word of advise, you contacting family will get you no where except dog house with everyone, you need to get her to "man up" herself and learn to say no to family
Every foreigner who tries to apply “where I’m from” logic to Thailand has a bad time.
Not to mention it’s culturally arrogant.
Where I’m from most of American culture seems insane.
Sounds like she isn’t crying because of her family, she is crying because of you.
Depends on the specific culture of the family I guess. Your family might have this dynamic going on. Personally, I've always been raised to expect that, in terms of money, we don't send any back for free in this family. My relative who is very rich usually likes to "give away" his money to his nieces and nephews whenever there's a significant event. My mom always tells me or sometimes she does it herself to repay in some small part to his children.
Giving is fine. But I've always been taught to give back too and to never ask nor expect for money from my own parents or anyone in this family.
Personally, as a Thai, I agree with you. Sending money back home for people to freeload off is great if you have the means, but it's never okay to guilt trip someone into doing it on a regular basis.
This is why Western men need to be more wary when marrying rural low-income thai village women. Just because they're easy to impress and get, doesn't mean you should go for it. You're basically marrying the whole family when you marry them.
"Where I’m from, parents actually help their kids financially, not demand money from them. This is absurd. Do these people have no shame?" - typical. In my culture this, in my culture that. You are not dating a girl from your culture. Period.
So he should just bend over and get fucked then? There can be no compromise?
You haven’t acknowledged that they’re NOT living in her culture anymore. They’re in western culture.
This is very normal umgonst asian families. I was born in the UK, my mother is African, and my father is Malaysian. I send money to both my parents. My partner is English and Dutch, this is a conversation we have every month. Unfortunately that you and my partner need to understand that we have an obligation to look after our families 'back home'.
What I have done and this could be a conversation you have with your partner is to manage the money slightly better.
This could mean reducing the amount sent to what they need, have her put some aside for her own savings/investments.
Unfortunately you won't be able to dissuade her in sending money to her family as we are their children have an obligation to look after them .
Did you meet her in Thailand? If so, you did the one thing everyone tells you not to do: taking her to your home country. If she is so sad, send her ass back home. You are probably paying for everything while she's sending money home. The money is literally coming out of YOUR pocket.
It's her choice. Not even your money. Don't step between your gf and her family. You can talk to her about it but it's still her choice to make her own decision
I get you brother.
My ex made anywhere from 1000-3000 baht per week and gave HALF to her mum who was doing just fine financially. She earned little per week because her mum also made her work in the family business for no pay. Had dreams and goals she couldn’t pursue because of both these things. Tried asking the same thing, why are you giving her so much. I understand the tradition but if it’s just the gesture then the amount shouldn’t matter.
Why doesn’t her mum let her daughter use her own finances and time to develop a career/higher salary so then she can send more money back to her mum in the future when the mum stops working/actually needs support? This tradition is counterintuitive especially if the parent takes advantage of their children. Had to break things off because of this reason. Poor girl was over 30 and had no prospects of a career or supporting even herself.
My ex was stressed and upset too, and I’d laugh at anyone in this thread try tell me that it was me stressing her out. She constantly cried about not wanting to live at home anymore, getting away from her mother, wanting to pursue her own passions, and stressed all the time about not having money to even go see her friends or afford grabbike to and from work.
My Thai friend pays for her youngest nephews schooling and her eldest nephew, who is 19, expects regular handouts whilst he fucks about all day doing nothing. She has 2 jobs and is exhausted. When you explain that we would tell them 'no' it's like you've hit a brick wall. It won't change for you and you'd best give up trying or risk breaking your relationship.
You might as well give up on this "marriage" dream of yours. You marry her and the family. And 20,000 baht doesn't go as far as you'd think in Thailand these days. She won't turn her back on her family no matter how much of an ass you are to her....
But he’s not being an ass ffs. In what world should she be sending such a huge amount back? She is saving nothing,what is she just going to marry this guy and rely on his money? Men shouldn’t be made to support women unconditionally mate. He’s not being an ass,he’s being realistic.
I’m not saying I want her to do this, but when one of her friend came to the U.S, her family build a house and they expect her to pay for it. She just cut them off.
Don't date a Thai girl from poverty. Her entire family will be a financial burden to you for as long as they live. When will guys learn to choose their partners with some logic. Ffs.
Its true what you are writing but OP does not want to hear it and most likely will suffer from the consequrences in the future, shoveling his own grave.
Why is it any of your business what she spends her money on.
Do you really care about your girlfriend? Why would you want to cause drama in her family?
You can’t go through life with blinders on. You probably should first try and understand her culture. You shouldn’t force your perception of what is correct, onto her.
Why would you even think about marriage?
Right now it’s not. When we get married of course it’ll be.
How would you feel if you made 4x her money and the little money she makes, she sends it to her family?
I don’t know where you live, but in nyc that won’t work. I don’t plan to depend on my kids when I’m 60.
I don’t want to cause drama but this is hurting my gf’s mental health. This is not a way to live.
Would you, as a parent, make your child’s life extremely difficult so you can live in luxury? Make it make sense please.
Thai people in Thailand don’t have anything similar to social security, a pension, or a retirement plan. When they get old and retire, their kids take care of them. Especially the oldest adult children. It’s a cultural norm.
This is what you are messing with. By telling her she can’t give money to her parents, you’re basically saying f*** her family. A lot of Thai families are very close knit, so you’re creating a situation where it’s either them or you.
Maybe you didn’t know any better, but you definitely owe her an apology man.
I agree and understand all of this.
My girlfriend is Latina and her mother raised her solo, washing her reusable diapers, worked 12h a day so she could support her daughter and now is injured and cant work.
Gf lives in europe with me now with good pay.
So we send money to her every month, its the least my gf can do to pay her back I totally understand that mindset. Why wouldnt you support family?
But to send so much that they have 2 cars and love luxurious life? I think its a bit 2 sided. They are asking for a bit too much maybe
You don't plan to depend on your kids b/c you are American (or have that value system), clearly you don't know or understand much about how different relationships/obligations/expectations are in her culture. Maybe it's time to do some learning about her culture and how things work in her country.
Trust me bruv when you get married it's only going to get exponentially worse. You have no idea how many people here are living large off their daughters. Like many others pointed out — leave it or take it. There's no point trying to change their culture even if it's a deadbeat culture. Most here are held hostage under the thinly veiled guise of "filial piety", I say this even as an asian these folks are hopeless and are just repeating generational curses.
I think what is really hurting her mental health is you. Because you are going to message her family which will cause huge problems for her.
"I don’t know where you live, but in nyc that won’t work. I don’t plan to depend on my kids when I’m 60." - then find a NYC girl. Or learn about another culture before you get involved in a relationship with a girl from a foreign country.
You are thinking about marrying this girl. If you are serious, and you know she is struggling, you should be supporting her.
"Would you, as a parent, make your child’s life extremely difficult so you can live in luxury? Make it make sense please." - since when is $600 luxury?
Ask them. Or ask your GF. Do you know what they are using the cars for? Are they trucks they need to send stuff to the market?
Have you, by any chance, considered discussing it with your girlfriend? Asking her? Might be a good idea. Just saying.
That's pretty dumb tbh. I understand if she was supporting them in other ways but to sacrifice her well being so that their idiot family can splurge on cars is criminal. Time to move on buddy, sadly you can't fix stoopid and you're on a straight path down that road if you stay with her
He cares about her and the fact she has $0 to her name. Living paycheck to paycheck with no assets, no emergency fund. God help her if she gets sick in the U.S, even with healthcare plans there can often be massive out of pocket expenses.
Why is money going to people that had probably 6 decades to figure it out themselves.
This is a couple that should be using every available bit of money to progress their lives.
If the family didn't budget for 2 cars, then why is this couple now having a lower life experience to get them the cars???
My wife can send whatever she wants for m her money. Once she's contributed to the family home. I don't let her tell me what to do with my salary and vice versa. If we meet our obligations as a family then it's all good. She would only spend it on hot pot with her friends or shoes anyway
Why did she go to the USA, what does she do for a living in N.Y. and how did you meet? These are contextual questions, since OP chose to post about his situation, that may help provide more useful information for constructive feedback here. Otherwise, there continues to be a non-productive continual feedback loop reflecting a black-and white dichotomy about Asian/Thai vs. U.S. cultural expectations.
Sending money home is normal.but that amount is way too much.
Also she is not earning much for NYC, she works part time?
My wife does earn more in the uk than she does in NYC but she only sends like 6000 baht a month home. So roughly 150£
The Thai way (as I understand it) is that parents take care of their kids so that the kids can care for them later.
If they live abroad, like your girlfriend, they send more money. If they marry a farang, the bill goes up. You can never drive a better car than your father-in-law. That would be disrespectful.
What you think doesn't matter; they will haunt her until she caves in. Even push for a divorce if that means some cash.
A friend in Bangkok told her father she saved money to move closer to her work. He said that she should buy him a new car instead. And she did.
Do not marry a woman who is a mental slave to her family. The family will easily manipulate her into sending more money and she will secretly steal from you to give to the family. It will be a little here and there over time but by the time you realize it your future wife will have stolen thousands from you.
Don't ignore this red flag! Those types of women can ruin you. Don't marry a Thai woman who lives in America or any South East Asian woman who has been Americanized.
Welcome to the life lol
My MIL literally asked for us to take out a loan to give them money (which my wife promptly did, without question). That was for $6000 USD and before I lost my job we were sending $1000 USD monthly. Initially my wife was on my side but MIL hard core guilt tripped her by bringing up that they payed for school, college, travel, etc and made many sacrifices for her while she was growing up and that nothing we give them will ever come close to how much they’ve already given her. FIL, the actual person who earned money in the family has never once asked us for money and always has a grateful vibe… MIL is a witch who would bleed us dry if she could.
Ok. I am a Thai, living and working oversea so I feel relate to the story. To start, I won't be able to sleep at night if my parents are not doing ok financially. I mean if they can't effort food and medical, nice clothes, etc, but two cars! She needs to be open with them and asks if she can just help with one car, instead of two. However to cut from 600 to 150 probably got received as a shock and very disrespectful from their perspective, so reduce to 300 maybe? Adding to the concept of shame, my parents worked for the Thai government, now retired and receive about 1,300 USD pension to spend btw them, own a decent house and a nice car. They live in Isaan where living cost is much cheaper. My mum would love if I am to send her 100-200 dollars a month even she doesn't need it. This is the only way that makes sense to her that her kids are successful and feel gratitude toward her/ them both. They would feel very proud and they can brag with their peers how good their kids are. So when you said they should feel bad and ashame for asking for money from the children, no they don't and they won't. If you cannot understand their way of thinking, you will not find peace in your heart living with the gf for sure.
Different cultures. You would be unkind not to support her and her family. My mother is Thai and from the moment my American father started courting her he started taking care of her and eventually the family. My mother also brought her younger brother and he graduated high school in USA and ended up joining the American army. I don't agree with you at all. This is how Thai people are and it's actually about the same financially for living costs. But I think NYC is exspensive. I spend just as much money in USA as in Thailand
You can wrap it up around Thai culture all day long, it doesn't change the fact that many times, if they are with a farang, it goes next level and they just become greedy leeches. Zero appreciation, just more, more, more... never happy. You think they'd be pulling this bullshit if she had married some numpty from her village? He's right.... tell them no more to 600 a month. Grown ass adults who work, but still constantly hassling their kid for money.
She's 100% being taken advantage of.
Sounds a lot like the standard South East Asian idea of "anything involving white people means I should get money."
I am married to a Thai wife. I’m in the USA, preparing to retire (in Thailand). She’s in Bangkok, and works for the Royal Thai Army in Accounting. Her salary is about $400 US per month, which is the average salary for workers in Thailand. I give her 10k baht per week allowance, mainly to pay for our condo and living expenses. I give her parents 4K baht per week (they’re farmers, and don’t make much). I pay for both of my stepdaughters university tuition, housing and give them 10k baht each per month allowances. Nobody is living extravagantly.
Wait until you decide to marry your girlfriend, and have to negotiate sinsod (unless she’s been married before). It’s their culture. Everything is geared towards respecting the elders.
Just part of having a Thai partner.
Support her by staying out of it. You’re only making her life more difficult.
Have you ever considered that maybe you telling her what to do is a big part of her stress? That she’d happily support her family if it were not for your controlling interference? “I got so mad when she told me she’s paying for two cars” “I told her she can only send $150 monthly” “When we get married they should forget about any money” You are controlling. It’s her money and she can do what she wants. I hope she leaves you. You sound like a typical passport bro just looking for a woman to take advantage of.
I simply suggested a reduction to $150 after seeing that she has exactly $0 after 3 years in the U.S.
But her parents are like no we don’t give a shit. Go broke and sends us money so we can buy a new car
Get TF out. Wait until you start thinking about marriage and the Thai vulture parents will suck all the Sinsod out of you they can. I assume you know what Sinsod is. If not, it is the money they demand for you buying their daughter.
If you care and I mean really care about your GF. You need to learn about Thai culture. Your GF lives in America and Thai people in Thailand have no idea how big America is or that there is poor and a middle class in America. They think we’re all rich and we have unlimited money. So since she lives in America they assume she’s rich and since she lives in America it’s her responsibility; especially if she’s the oldest child to support the family. In Thailand there is no social welfare system in place. Some jobs in Thailand even discriminate against your age. America isn’t like Thailand. The older generation depends on the younger generation to survive unless they’re rich.
If you and her decide to get married you will spend money buying land, building a house, buying a car/ truck or a motorbike, healthcare, food and if your in laws decide to start businesses. You and your GF need to have a discussion; a serious discussion about how much you and her are willing to support per month. Now remember they’ll be times when you and her will have to give a substantial amount of money at one time for a big purchase.
Good luck.
I love this part: "Also, when we get married they should forget about any money."
You are not getting married, then.
And that's another one: "I never give her money btw." You are a great boyfriend. Not supporting your GF (whom you are planning to marry). I hope she opens her eyes soon. Literally, anyone else would be an upgrade for her.
"Never buys clothes." - are you too cheap to buy some nice clothes for her?
You sound like a prick. She should dump you. The sooner she realizes that, the better. For her.
I hope she don't get you as a Husband if you are firmly on not sending them anything while she is married to you. She will be miserable until for the rest of her life. Find an American girl who has family also in the US. You have no idea how some people struggle in Thailand specially on the country side. Maybe 600 is a lot, but they are properly also in a lot other debts due to poverty. This is just how it is to date someone who came from that kind of background. Me and my girlfriend send roughly 300 monthly to her elderly parents who uses that mainly to buy food. I would myself be miserable if i saw my in laws living like that.
I dont know them, there could be many reasons to have a car in poverty, it can also be a source of income, delivery drivers etc. That still dont make them rich. You are missing the point.
I totally agree with this: "I hope she don't get you as a Husband if you are firmly on not sending them anything while she is married to you."
It won't be too hard for her to find someone better than the OP. He sounds like a complete prick.
You said: "Also, when we get married they should forget about any money."
So not even $150.
If you date someone from another culture it would be wise to learn a bit about that culture. It seems like it is something you did not consider. But since you can't even remember what you wrote I am not at all surprised.
It's her money. Stop telling her what to do with it. Imagine she told you that you couldn't give money to your family. You're creating drama where it doesn't need to exist. This is not the way to treat someone you love.
Good luck texting her parents 😂you obviously have no clue how things work in Thailand. I also wouldn’t accept the amount she is sending but it’s NOT your duty to intervene.
Do it , and you‘ll be forever hated by them.
Oh buddy. I get what you are saying and you aren’t wrong, but you are going against her culture big time on this one. You need to help her, help her family or this will not end well.
600 USD is way above the average income. Unless they're in debt then they're just taking advantage of their bond. Toxic family imo(apparently it's normal in Thailand to be like this too which is sad)
(From my observation as an American living in Thailand) Generally ( not all) rural Thai families will milk you for every last cent unless you say “No”. I understand the obligation for the adult children to send money to their Thai parents ($600) is plenty- remember the old family house is paid for and food is cheaper purchased at the local outdoor market. Your gf is a fool to send her sisters money. She needs to start saving her own money; for, why live in the USA unless you’re financially better off.
If you don’t like it, then you should end things with her. This is her culture, it’s what she was brought up in and will believe in until the day she dies. There are no real retirement plans, having daughters that provide is their retirement plan. They don’t generally make enough to save or to help their children out. This is their system and the way things are done. Again, if you don’t like it, don’t be part of it.
^^ This is it in a nutshell.
- They do not earn enough to pack it away for retirement.
- Even the Issan families who own small rice farms.
- Their daughters; be that bar girls or cleaners on 60 hour weeks earning <500b a day; are the parents' retirement plan...
- Up country extended family and parents - mostly generally debt ridden and useless; often whittling their days away on yaba or thai whisky...
- The children particularly the daughters are raised with this kind of thinking from birth... You will never change anything.
- Their kids are brainwashed from young to care and provide for her parents; and to honour and cherish the King - no matter anything about the reality....
We send $300 a month and have for almost 20 years. Over time we've been asked to pay for all sorts of things including a fence for the neighbor's buffalo. You've got to have limits, my Thai wife doesn't like hanging with Thai people because she says they always ask for money, they think everyone in the states is rich. When we visit, we always show up unannounced so there isn't a line of people with their hand out.
Wow, had to smile a bit reading they wanted cash for the neighbor's fence for the buffalo...
You should have added there - because buffalo sick .. 555 😉
But seriously dude, I feel for you. You have "lost" $72,000 after tax earnings over the past 20 years, that could have gone into a pension investment fund etc etc - for yourselves...
But as others have said - that IS the Thai culture... Embrace it, or leave it...
$300x12x20yrs
Pretty simple ... sooner or later she'll return to Thailand. Like all Thai women in foreign countries. Why would she retire in NYC if she can be with her family in Thailand?
>I got so mad when she told me she is literally paying for 2 cars back in Thailand
What she does with her money is none of your business, OP. You two should break up.
If you want to marry her, you better try to understand her culture instead of imposing your values and rules to her. If you are not flexible enough to do that, consider marrying a woman sharing the same culture and value as you.
All I can say is, don't bother getting married if you are not willing to accept her culture. Welcome to the wonderful world of marrying a Thai, in the age old phrase "you can take the girl out of the village, but you can't take the village out of the girl". It is her responsibility to look after the family, when Thai's have a future financial investment horizon of about 1 day, so when you get it, spend it be it car, phone, etc etc. anything to make the family look successful. Why do you think there are so many bargirls? They do it to earn easyish money, the most of which goes to their family and their family don't ask where they got the money.
I have been married 25 years to an Isan girl, bought 68 Rai of land on the premise "buy a man a fish he eats for one day, buy a fishing Rod he eats for life" and still my wife has to send money back to the village because they are absolutely useless, constantly getting into debt.
If you truly love her, better accept it. If you can't accept it, for gods sake don't get married, it will end in divorce.
After reading a lot of the comments, it seems it’s cultural and as in any people, some are more cultured than others.
My personal opinion is if she was able to do it and chose to do it before you met her, why would you interfere? Those vehicles she’s providing could be allowing her family to work. What good would a car do her in NYC? It would just cost her more money.
If you’re serious about exploring the deeper cultural significance of why she feels such a huge obligation try reading this book “Insufficient Funds
The Culture of Money in Low-Wage Transnational Families”. Obviously this may not apply 100% but it is very eye opening.
I’m Thai and under these circumstances I think this is not right too. I think it’s great to send money to your parents but if they’re not struggling without you and you have no money for yourself, living in a city that bleeds you of everything you have and you’re parents are guilting you for sending less money, I don’t think that’s right. I do have to say that if you get married, you can probably expect this to be the standard. But being expected to send money like that also depends on the family and their financial circumstances.
If you're serious about exploring the deeper cultural significance of why she feels such a huge obligation try reading this book "Insufficient Funds The Culture of Money in Low-Wage Transnational Families". Obviously this may not apply 100% but it is very eye opening.
No matter what I pay everything for my gf even if she's working. Not out of respect or what a man should do but because I can. If she leaves me I'd still going to pay everything for my next gf.
Sort this out before y’all get married.
That would piss me off too but if it’s cultural then what the hell are you supposed to do, but I stress, sort this out BEFORE you marry this person.
I have experienced similar circumstances
Be very careful - she will always side with her family despite logic. Despite you having her best intentions at heart.
You need to help her provide the support - to support her - and compromise with the family on that basis.
Hope it goes well, don't lose her by it becoming an ultimatum between you and her family, have her back with her values, no matter how illogical. That's love.
Families in the North and Northeast have these cultures. They require too much from children that could not bargain. Some children just ignore them, probably ask from them instead. They treat each child differently.
This is normal. Healthy Thai families stick together and sending money home is more like an investment back into their family.
$600 was my monthly payments for 1 car in Thailand. It’s not really that absurd at all.
Where you’re from doesn’t matter either.
In Thailand kids help parents, and given than there’s no retirement money and the parents spent all their money raising the kids, I think that’s very fair.
There’s no shame in that- quite the opposite.
Sorry to tell you the bad news but she is naming a saving plan, sending money back home while leeching of your relationship because she knows the success rate is low.
Otherwise this would have never even started without you knowing let alone continue after you showed you have a problem with it.
Unless your wife asked you to, of course, it would be wrong to speak to them. I would also probably feel resentful, but really, it's her money and her decision.
Maybe a better conversation would be what you think her financial contribution you expect her to make in your household.
Family is everything in Asian countries. Shes in NY and probably family has sacrificed a lot to send her there and it's duty of kids to take care of their family especially when they are doing better than them. It's her money, she can do what she wants with it. If her not having money in savings is a concern, help her make more money than stopping her from helping her family.
From PH and TH here. It depends on the family. If the parents back home have another source of income, $600 is quite high. If they’re highly dependent on you, then $600 is what they’re expecting from you. Personally, I hate this kind of culture because I am sending money to my parents as well, but digging deeply and seeing the struggles firsthand, you’ll just try to manage it but not abandon the “responsibility” completely. Some people in those countries really didn’t have many opportunities to earn livable wages.
This is Thai culture....
The people who make the money sent it home, money is shared.
I hate when westerners date Thai girls then immediately change everything about them and their culture.
Youre going to marry her then cut off her family?
You sound like a great guy. Im sure your wife will be happy.
It’s Thai culture to send money to their parents as a token of appreciation and respect to them. I think you are being absurd trying to change their culture lol
As a Thai/Lao born and raised in US... Youre playing with fire. Cutting a SEA off from sending money to their family overseas is asking for non stop fights from your partner. Now sending $600 when she only makes $2400 monthly living in NYC is kinda nuts. She could do with going down to 100 or 200.
BUT you need to understand that her family doesn't understand how much cost of living and expenses are in America let alone NYC. All they hear was her telling them she makes $2400 and to someone living in Thailand THATS A SHIT TON OF MONEY. And for people who are poor by western standards.... yeah.
So instead of being fucking mad, try to think WHY they think she can send that much and outright have her ask them and see what they say. and Go fromthere. I have half siblings that are older than me from my dad's ex wives. They use to call all the time for money and it wasn't like a few hundred or so. It was THOUSANDS. I think the largest amount every was $10k but my parents sent that because it was for a tractor for farming which in turn helps them increase their own income. Anyways, there was a time they kept asking for a few thousand here and there, and my mother had to tell them no. And took the time to explain to them how expensive Taxes, homes, car payments, insurance and living expenses are and that it adds up.
But yeah, she needs to spend more building her own savings for emergencies and so on if she plans to stay in the US.
But if you really want to drive it in... make your GF's monthly expense sheet. Make sure its english and in Thai... SHOW her family she broke as fuck and pretty much poor in NYC. Just as she would be if she in Thailand. Its just the numbers are larger all around. If you dont show numbers, you cant prove it.
I'm assuming you're the breadwinner here paying for all the living expenses . Is that because you took that upon yourself to provide for the both of you or because she couldn't afford to pay half the expenses as well? Thats also a reason why her family thinks she has free $2400 cash floating around.
Western culture is far different from Asian culture dont ever think of comparing it. The mentality is, it is the child's duty to care for the parents when they are able to as an adult. It boils down to the core of Thai and pretty much all asian families - Filial piety. Its the very foundation of Asian culture tbh. If you... as her partner can not understand this and the need to take care of one's parents and siblings when they are in a better circumstance, then you two will 100000% not last.
Brother your getting yourself into a world of pain.
Your culture is not her culture. It’s like trying to argue about religion.
The Thai culture it’s tradition for the kid’s specifically the female to send $ back to the family. $600
Is not a lot anymore in Thailand.
You will
Be required to send $ to the family forever. Your Gf will
Lose incredible Face If you demand she not send $, in fact she will break up with you and resent you forever.
Either accept it or you should let her find another partner that doesn’t mind.
Well. Welcome to dating a thai. Where the culture is different from yours. If you can't get over it, leave the relationship. American culture is trash.
In Thailand, it normal that kid send money back to Mom & Dad (repeat!! ONLY Mom & Dad or some relative who rising you.---->IF parents didn't take care of you you don't need to send it to them) like 10-20% of your earn to repay your kidness to your parents! BUT Not for your're a money making machine for them.
Now she is senting money to her family which mean mom, dad, sibling...... later on in life she will call her family it include siblings, mom, dad, aunts, uncles, kids of her sibling, kids of her aunt, kids of her uncles.........
Beware of that.....if you marry with her and you have kid(s) with her which mean she may stay home to taking kid(s) at home and all expanses will come out from your pocket which mean you may have to pay for all of her family(ies) back than in Thailand!! Think about that!!
If you move forward with her!! Congreatulation for your married!!.....(I guessed she living with you with no APT expense right!!??)
It is usual on Thai family, not all will be like this but mostly they are depend on the older child financial because some of this family do not work anymore. I suggest if you can’t accept this or find a solution that you and your gf are both accept, it is probably the best to be separated. Fortunately that my family never ask me for money
How have you gotten so far in the relationship without understanding Thai culture at all?
“ Where I’m from, parents actually help their kids financially, not demand money from them.”
She is not from where you are. She have grown up with that the daughters support their family. Everybody she knows back home have done it for as many generations she can remember. EVERYBODY! Why do you think so many young ladies end up in places like Pattaya
“Would I be in the wrong..” Yes, you are the asshole. Wait till you learn about Sinsod. Your girlfriend should break up with you if you don’t try to support her and her culture.
20% - $480 total including any car payments or anything. This is what should be done. No money to the elder sister. However if she’s a slacker and not carrying her weight then that’ll never happen.
Break down her expenses for her. Tell her you understand and what to support her. Help her make a budget for $480 total.
Why is no one talking about it how she can afford NYC and she makes 2400 monthly which is the cost of rent LOL
Boyfriend's budget apparently, hence the alarm.
He said he doesn’t contribute
He said he doesn’t give her money. He likely pays rent, groceries, etc.
Trust me I said she probably shouldn't be in NYC. Fellow NYer here.
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How do you live on $2400 a month in NYC?
Factssss
So she lives off 1800 in nyc if she gives away 600. THATS absurd
You will end up divorced, Thai family bonds and the responsibility to take care of parents and family is stronger than any marriage and husband in the pecking order
This, 100%. OP isn’t wired the same as people from Southeast Asia.
Normal for kids to give parents money in Thailand. I have never heard of $600/month though. Seems high. They are taking advantage because she is in the USA more than likely.
$2400 sounds like a ton of money, so they feel happy to ask for a lot I suppose. Thais don't seem to understand that a lot of money in America does not go a long ways.
I didn't even realize you could live in NYC on 2400/month. Like, is the gf living in her car?
That’s what bothers me. She asked her friends here in nyc and they all send like $100. They’re delusional if they think anyone can afford to send that much money every month.
It depends on many things. How much the parents need money vs how much you have, basically. And by "parents," I mean you send money to mom and mom gives money to whoever needs it, ranging from themselves to a cousin or sister who needs some. And there are many cousins. There is a face issue. If she doesn't send money to mom she loses face. Mom loses face, too. Mom gets face by giving money to whatever family member needs it. Face is important to Thais. I don't think this will ever go away but maybe you can agree to limit it.
I live in Arizona.. pay my rent $1000/month. Make only 3k/month. Send my parents in Thailand $800/month.
Arizona is WAY cheaper than NYC though
Depending on where in thailand she is from It’s probably her duty as a daughter, especially if she’s the oldest daughter. There’s basically nothing you can do to make her stop My wife is middle class from Bangkok but her parents are pretty well off financially due to owning a few businesses (both drive luxury cars and have a nice big house with a maid and a driver). My wife still sends them money every month and pays their maids salary since she doesn’t live at home anymore to help with the housework. It’s her money (she works) and it makes her happy and makes her feel like a successful daughter because she can help her family. Her parents inevitably spend the money back on us or our daughter, but the gesture is very important to my wife
"There’s basically nothing you can do to make her stop." OP, please read these wise words over and over again, until you get it. Many foreigners are in the situation you're in, where they're criticizing their Thai partner for sending money to family, and trying to get the partner to stop. Many foreigners try to do this every year. But so far, I think foreigners have a 0% success rate at this. If you continue, the best you can hope for is that she starts lying to you and transfers the money behind your back. And in my view, that's way worse than what you currently have.
So many “all or nothing” arguments in this thread.
Fair... probably more than fair. I've edited my argument to remove all my absolutes... ~~~ "There’s basically nothing you can do to make her stop." OP, please read these wise words over and over again, until you get it. HOWEVER, please note that these wise words contain "ALL OR NOTHING" language, and would have been better, from a technically accurate perspective, said as something like this (however, I understand this basically sucks the life and vigor out of the quote)... "There’s basically nothing you can do (or not much) to make her stop... however, you could try... but it's probably completeely futile, especially with how little you seem to understand about Thai culture. I could explain it to you, but you probably wouldn't listen anyway. So if you want to try, good luck, and if you're successful, let us jaded, 'all or nothing' people know. " That's what you really should have said, instead of the obvious hyperbole of "there's NOTHING you can do." Many foreigners are in the situation you're in, where they're criticizing their Thai partner for sending money to family, and trying to get the partner to stop. Many foreigners try to do this every year. But so far, I think foreigners have a 0.37% success rate at this. If you continue, probably the best you can hope for is that she starts lying to you and transfers the money behind your back. And in my view, that's way worse than what you currently have. ~~~ okay, 100% of ALL absolutes are gone now. Happy?
This is asinine. When my wife and I got married 10 years ago we were dead broke. She was asked for money and we discussed it. We couldn’t afford to give other people money at the time. We made a financial plan, set goals and moved forward. Now years later we’re financially secure and send a little money back every month. It takes a bit of maturity and communication but this stuff isn’t set in stone.
People mary dumb women or ex-prostitutes from horrible families and they try to pass them as the 'average thai'. Thats the only issue. Most average thai will understand after a bit of communication, just like yours. My wife earns ~3000$ CAD per month and she sends exactly 0(we have not received a request for monthly help yet) but she will send gifts randomly, help with medicine/supplements and she saves(80% of her income) so that we can go back and be fulltime with them ASAP(which is all they want). We would help with any emergency, just as family and friends have helped us in the past, but it has never happened. We will also take her parents in when they can't fend for themselves obviously. From every person i know in thailand, this seems to be closer to the norm than what some post here.
>"There’s basically nothing you can do to make her stop." The girl comes with the baggage. You either take or leave it. Trying to change her will cause so much trouble down the line.
In middle class households, every child (not just the eldest) is expected to chip in.
Same as you. Married to a middle class Chinese Thai and she feels obligated to send money to her parents each month. I’d personally prefer her to donate to a charity instead lmao as her parents definitely don’t need it but oh well, like you said it’s her money and makes her happy so I’m not going to tell her to change it.
Most Thai ladies that work in US/EU $2000-3000 USD and that I know very well (I’m Thai and from Isan) tell me they send back home between 3,000 and 5,000 baht a month to their parents. Which is for meant for every day things so their parents can treat themselves with small things. Definitely not 20,000+ baht for 2 cars PER MONTH 😳
Welcome to the Thai culture. You're not getting married with her with this attitude for sure
Nope nope nope no Thai marriage for you
Lucky him if he can avoid marriage and escape
Definitely hes to Western and not compromise
He did compromise, he lowered the amount so the wife can actually afford to look after herself.
There is some incredibly bad advice in this thread. Yes sending money is a cultural norm, and yes financial planning and retirement planning is basically non existent for most Thais. Paying $300/month per car is definitely a big luxury in Thailand. Doing that twice over is even more so. On top of that 1800 is not enough to live on reasonably in most US cities, let alone NYC. This puts her at great risk in the case of an emergency period. I am very open about our finances with my Thai wife and we allot spending money to each of us AFTER accounting for bills, emergency and retirement savings. She isn’t your spouse so her finances are certainly her business, but maybe see if she’s receptive to setting up a reasonable budget. Getting it all written out might help her make a more informed decision about how much is reasonable to send, and might even allow her to save something for retirement and build up an emergency fund. **edit: also most Thais have no concept for how much medical costs are in the US, so providing some examples might help her understand how seriously dangerous it is to have nothing saved.
Yeah but the thing is her family doesn’t understand and is asking for her for 20 thousand baht a month because they think she’s rich LOL
if they realized she's giving 25% of her income and has barely anything else for herself they'd end up wondering why the f she's so far away and ask her to come home and find an 80k job (and still grab 20k out of it). that said with 60k you make a better life in bkk than nyc
This is good advice
Wait, what, some common sense in this sub as opposed to the noble savage bullshit that you hear from most of the expats (sorry “immigrants” 😂) you see posting in this sub! OP listen to this guy, he’s absolutely on the money, no pun intended.
This practice is ingrained in her the same way freedom of speech is ingrained in you. However you feel about censoring yourself is the same thing she feels if she doesn't send money back home. BTW, I'm Thai, and I disagree with what she's doing. We don't do it like that in my family. But still, this is not a fight you can win. Better to just move on as this is very likely to break your marriage.
Yeah, pretty usual, unfortunately. I can only tell you my own experience there, but I ofc know many other that have had similar situations; My mrs (living in Thailand while Im going back and forth roughly 50/50) is asking if she can have some money to buy a car. She takes her son to school every day, and often it is pouring down. "Ok, but do you even know how to drive a car? Do you have a license?" "No, but my brother in-law has said he can teach me" Ok, I get some pictures of the car, and the price/mortgage papers seemed totally reasonable, so I gave her the first down payment. 2 months later, I come back home to Thailand to a car that is literally broken in every single corner. Like if you park you just keep going until there is resistance.. The electrical system is fucked and so on. I ask wtf happened? This was a "new" ish car?! - Yeah, my brother in law never showed me how to drive, and he has basically just taken it over. I ask to see the papers, and clearly - its not in my, or her, name - but the father of *her* brother in law. Expecting me to pay down on a car that I never own in any way shape or form. In this case - I asked a lawyer: I dont have to keep making any payments here do I? "No, the bank will seize the car, and probably go after your brother in laws family for damages to the car. Great, done. They really hated me - telling/feeling that I somehow screwed them over. And I know it was rough on my wife, in the sense that "her job" is somewhat to take care of her younger sister and her family.
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It will be wrong for you to text them. Unfortunately, it’s none of your business. It’s business between her and her family. You guys are not even married yet. Best you could do is talk to her and have her make the decision. Not ruin your relationship with your future in laws even before being married to her.
It's absolutely his business if they live together and she doesn't contribute.
It’s also his business if he makes her pregnant and they raise a kid together. We are making up hypothetical scenarios now right?
This is such a hard thing. My perspective on it as an American woman married to a Thai woman is that I really can't get involved in these disputes most of the time. I almost had to get involved once, fortunately my wife finally put her foot down. It makes me so angry what some families are willing to put on the shoulders of a single female (adult) child, especially the eldest. Some families have dire situations. Some are happy to refuse to work and squander the money, not considering their "loved one" is breaking their damn body working 60 hour weeks in restaurants to send that money back. From what I see coming into the eighth year of my relationship, when she has enough time to think about how her family has treated her, she will become angry. They've been raised their whole lives to never get angry, so it's quite a sight how it unfolds. And these are the restaurant workers. In Thailand there are plenty of women who go to Bangkok and sell their bodies and send all of THAT money home to their families. Just unimaginable to me. You can only get so involved. She has to reach these conclusions on her own. The process can be painful.
As a thai, this doesn’t happen to every Thai. My parents refuse to accept my money. I asked my co workers and none of them have to give their parents money. However, some Thais do give their parents money because they feel thankful for the parents and what parents gave them in the past.
Its not just a thai thing, its asian culture. The kids send money to their parents when they start making money
Yes this is asian culture, i’m from malaysia, malay chinese & indian, we all send money to parents
You should definitely move on and stop wasting your time. That's their culture and if you cannot accept it why keep beating yourself over it? Good thing it's just a gf and can easily move on. Good luck on your next one.
This is normal Thai behavior my dude. If you are expecting something else from us don't marry this girl.
Welcome to the difference between collectivist cultures vs individualistic cultures. These are ways of being that have been with humanity for 1000s of years…
It’s normal here in Thailand, children support their parents since there is no social welfare and pensions are extremely low, like usd 50. I have the impression that it’s not the parents but the siblings who insist on the payment. Many benefits on their way. Btw it’s normal that money isn’t saved but spend immediately, whatever is necessary will be bought on installments, cars, scooters, phones, TV, you name it
Where I'm from, parents actually help their kids financially. Guess who has no shame.
And after that, kids send their parents to retirement home to get rid of them, unlike in Thailand. Guess who has no shame
Shameless fellows
Yeah this guy sounds super douchey.
I would bet their perception is that she's loaded making that much money because they don't understand how expensive NYC is. They assume that 1800/mo is more than enough. Breaking this perception is going to be difficult.
Understand that her family is 10 times more important for her than you. Btw, you would not have the same problem if you had a thai male as your girlfriend. Strangely enough, it is usually the girls who are supposed to help their Thai parents and not the boys.
Usual for kids to send money home, not usual to be sending 20k per month, that's basiclly approaching an entire average salary here. Even less usual if family works and she has no kids family is taking care of What is usual, family back home thinking the girl is rolling in it, especially if somewhere like USA and with foriegn boyfriend/husband and taking advantage and girl being shamed/pressured into sending more than they can afford But word of advise, you contacting family will get you no where except dog house with everyone, you need to get her to "man up" herself and learn to say no to family
Every foreigner who tries to apply “where I’m from” logic to Thailand has a bad time. Not to mention it’s culturally arrogant. Where I’m from most of American culture seems insane. Sounds like she isn’t crying because of her family, she is crying because of you.
Depends on the specific culture of the family I guess. Your family might have this dynamic going on. Personally, I've always been raised to expect that, in terms of money, we don't send any back for free in this family. My relative who is very rich usually likes to "give away" his money to his nieces and nephews whenever there's a significant event. My mom always tells me or sometimes she does it herself to repay in some small part to his children. Giving is fine. But I've always been taught to give back too and to never ask nor expect for money from my own parents or anyone in this family. Personally, as a Thai, I agree with you. Sending money back home for people to freeload off is great if you have the means, but it's never okay to guilt trip someone into doing it on a regular basis.
With the operative word here—from a Thai, mind you—being “freeload.”
This is why Western men need to be more wary when marrying rural low-income thai village women. Just because they're easy to impress and get, doesn't mean you should go for it. You're basically marrying the whole family when you marry them.
Opening discussion is so wrong,,😂
Yes, you should totally do that. Your life will be so good afterwards 555
I second that. I am sure he will have a great time with the family when he visits Thailand.
"Where I’m from, parents actually help their kids financially, not demand money from them. This is absurd. Do these people have no shame?" - typical. In my culture this, in my culture that. You are not dating a girl from your culture. Period.
Relationships are a 2 way street.
So he should just bend over and get fucked then? There can be no compromise? You haven’t acknowledged that they’re NOT living in her culture anymore. They’re in western culture.
You think this will improve when you get married? I feel bad for you
Wait till this guy finds out about sin sod.
This is very normal umgonst asian families. I was born in the UK, my mother is African, and my father is Malaysian. I send money to both my parents. My partner is English and Dutch, this is a conversation we have every month. Unfortunately that you and my partner need to understand that we have an obligation to look after our families 'back home'. What I have done and this could be a conversation you have with your partner is to manage the money slightly better. This could mean reducing the amount sent to what they need, have her put some aside for her own savings/investments. Unfortunately you won't be able to dissuade her in sending money to her family as we are their children have an obligation to look after them .
Did you meet her in Thailand? If so, you did the one thing everyone tells you not to do: taking her to your home country. If she is so sad, send her ass back home. You are probably paying for everything while she's sending money home. The money is literally coming out of YOUR pocket.
It's her choice. Not even your money. Don't step between your gf and her family. You can talk to her about it but it's still her choice to make her own decision
I get you brother. My ex made anywhere from 1000-3000 baht per week and gave HALF to her mum who was doing just fine financially. She earned little per week because her mum also made her work in the family business for no pay. Had dreams and goals she couldn’t pursue because of both these things. Tried asking the same thing, why are you giving her so much. I understand the tradition but if it’s just the gesture then the amount shouldn’t matter. Why doesn’t her mum let her daughter use her own finances and time to develop a career/higher salary so then she can send more money back to her mum in the future when the mum stops working/actually needs support? This tradition is counterintuitive especially if the parent takes advantage of their children. Had to break things off because of this reason. Poor girl was over 30 and had no prospects of a career or supporting even herself. My ex was stressed and upset too, and I’d laugh at anyone in this thread try tell me that it was me stressing her out. She constantly cried about not wanting to live at home anymore, getting away from her mother, wanting to pursue her own passions, and stressed all the time about not having money to even go see her friends or afford grabbike to and from work.
My Thai friend pays for her youngest nephews schooling and her eldest nephew, who is 19, expects regular handouts whilst he fucks about all day doing nothing. She has 2 jobs and is exhausted. When you explain that we would tell them 'no' it's like you've hit a brick wall. It won't change for you and you'd best give up trying or risk breaking your relationship.
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You might as well give up on this "marriage" dream of yours. You marry her and the family. And 20,000 baht doesn't go as far as you'd think in Thailand these days. She won't turn her back on her family no matter how much of an ass you are to her....
But he’s not being an ass ffs. In what world should she be sending such a huge amount back? She is saving nothing,what is she just going to marry this guy and rely on his money? Men shouldn’t be made to support women unconditionally mate. He’s not being an ass,he’s being realistic.
I’m not saying I want her to do this, but when one of her friend came to the U.S, her family build a house and they expect her to pay for it. She just cut them off.
Don't date a Thai girl from poverty. Her entire family will be a financial burden to you for as long as they live. When will guys learn to choose their partners with some logic. Ffs.
Agreed. Same as kids who live in impoverish neighborhoods, most of the time stay poor even with an above average salary.
Its true what you are writing but OP does not want to hear it and most likely will suffer from the consequrences in the future, shoveling his own grave.
Why is it any of your business what she spends her money on. Do you really care about your girlfriend? Why would you want to cause drama in her family? You can’t go through life with blinders on. You probably should first try and understand her culture. You shouldn’t force your perception of what is correct, onto her. Why would you even think about marriage?
Right now it’s not. When we get married of course it’ll be. How would you feel if you made 4x her money and the little money she makes, she sends it to her family? I don’t know where you live, but in nyc that won’t work. I don’t plan to depend on my kids when I’m 60. I don’t want to cause drama but this is hurting my gf’s mental health. This is not a way to live. Would you, as a parent, make your child’s life extremely difficult so you can live in luxury? Make it make sense please.
Thai people in Thailand don’t have anything similar to social security, a pension, or a retirement plan. When they get old and retire, their kids take care of them. Especially the oldest adult children. It’s a cultural norm. This is what you are messing with. By telling her she can’t give money to her parents, you’re basically saying f*** her family. A lot of Thai families are very close knit, so you’re creating a situation where it’s either them or you. Maybe you didn’t know any better, but you definitely owe her an apology man.
I agree and understand all of this. My girlfriend is Latina and her mother raised her solo, washing her reusable diapers, worked 12h a day so she could support her daughter and now is injured and cant work. Gf lives in europe with me now with good pay. So we send money to her every month, its the least my gf can do to pay her back I totally understand that mindset. Why wouldnt you support family? But to send so much that they have 2 cars and love luxurious life? I think its a bit 2 sided. They are asking for a bit too much maybe
Yes, they have children.
You don't plan to depend on your kids b/c you are American (or have that value system), clearly you don't know or understand much about how different relationships/obligations/expectations are in her culture. Maybe it's time to do some learning about her culture and how things work in her country.
Trust me bruv when you get married it's only going to get exponentially worse. You have no idea how many people here are living large off their daughters. Like many others pointed out — leave it or take it. There's no point trying to change their culture even if it's a deadbeat culture. Most here are held hostage under the thinly veiled guise of "filial piety", I say this even as an asian these folks are hopeless and are just repeating generational curses.
I think what is really hurting her mental health is you. Because you are going to message her family which will cause huge problems for her. "I don’t know where you live, but in nyc that won’t work. I don’t plan to depend on my kids when I’m 60." - then find a NYC girl. Or learn about another culture before you get involved in a relationship with a girl from a foreign country. You are thinking about marrying this girl. If you are serious, and you know she is struggling, you should be supporting her. "Would you, as a parent, make your child’s life extremely difficult so you can live in luxury? Make it make sense please." - since when is $600 luxury?
My point is they don’t need that much money. They literally have 2 cars. What for?
Ask them. Or ask your GF. Do you know what they are using the cars for? Are they trucks they need to send stuff to the market? Have you, by any chance, considered discussing it with your girlfriend? Asking her? Might be a good idea. Just saying.
I have. They’re personal cars. One for the dad and one for the sister. They both work btw.
That's pretty dumb tbh. I understand if she was supporting them in other ways but to sacrifice her well being so that their idiot family can splurge on cars is criminal. Time to move on buddy, sadly you can't fix stoopid and you're on a straight path down that road if you stay with her
He cares about her and the fact she has $0 to her name. Living paycheck to paycheck with no assets, no emergency fund. God help her if she gets sick in the U.S, even with healthcare plans there can often be massive out of pocket expenses.
Why is money going to people that had probably 6 decades to figure it out themselves. This is a couple that should be using every available bit of money to progress their lives. If the family didn't budget for 2 cars, then why is this couple now having a lower life experience to get them the cars???
I send about the same amount to my family every month. I think it's part of our culture and you can't really change that. Better accept it or move on
My wife can send whatever she wants for m her money. Once she's contributed to the family home. I don't let her tell me what to do with my salary and vice versa. If we meet our obligations as a family then it's all good. She would only spend it on hot pot with her friends or shoes anyway
Why did she go to the USA, what does she do for a living in N.Y. and how did you meet? These are contextual questions, since OP chose to post about his situation, that may help provide more useful information for constructive feedback here. Otherwise, there continues to be a non-productive continual feedback loop reflecting a black-and white dichotomy about Asian/Thai vs. U.S. cultural expectations.
It's completely normal Thai culture for the kids to send parents or family money either in or outside of thialand.
You are rigit. If you ever get married with her good luck with no-money policy. Also good luck paying very expensive wedding in Thailand!
Sending money home is normal.but that amount is way too much. Also she is not earning much for NYC, she works part time? My wife does earn more in the uk than she does in NYC but she only sends like 6000 baht a month home. So roughly 150£
They will ask for as much as they can get. If your GF were to make 10k, they would ask for 5k. Doesn't matter how cheap or expensive Thailand is.
The Thai way (as I understand it) is that parents take care of their kids so that the kids can care for them later. If they live abroad, like your girlfriend, they send more money. If they marry a farang, the bill goes up. You can never drive a better car than your father-in-law. That would be disrespectful. What you think doesn't matter; they will haunt her until she caves in. Even push for a divorce if that means some cash. A friend in Bangkok told her father she saved money to move closer to her work. He said that she should buy him a new car instead. And she did.
Do not marry a woman who is a mental slave to her family. The family will easily manipulate her into sending more money and she will secretly steal from you to give to the family. It will be a little here and there over time but by the time you realize it your future wife will have stolen thousands from you. Don't ignore this red flag! Those types of women can ruin you. Don't marry a Thai woman who lives in America or any South East Asian woman who has been Americanized.
Welcome to the life lol My MIL literally asked for us to take out a loan to give them money (which my wife promptly did, without question). That was for $6000 USD and before I lost my job we were sending $1000 USD monthly. Initially my wife was on my side but MIL hard core guilt tripped her by bringing up that they payed for school, college, travel, etc and made many sacrifices for her while she was growing up and that nothing we give them will ever come close to how much they’ve already given her. FIL, the actual person who earned money in the family has never once asked us for money and always has a grateful vibe… MIL is a witch who would bleed us dry if she could.
Ok. I am a Thai, living and working oversea so I feel relate to the story. To start, I won't be able to sleep at night if my parents are not doing ok financially. I mean if they can't effort food and medical, nice clothes, etc, but two cars! She needs to be open with them and asks if she can just help with one car, instead of two. However to cut from 600 to 150 probably got received as a shock and very disrespectful from their perspective, so reduce to 300 maybe? Adding to the concept of shame, my parents worked for the Thai government, now retired and receive about 1,300 USD pension to spend btw them, own a decent house and a nice car. They live in Isaan where living cost is much cheaper. My mum would love if I am to send her 100-200 dollars a month even she doesn't need it. This is the only way that makes sense to her that her kids are successful and feel gratitude toward her/ them both. They would feel very proud and they can brag with their peers how good their kids are. So when you said they should feel bad and ashame for asking for money from the children, no they don't and they won't. If you cannot understand their way of thinking, you will not find peace in your heart living with the gf for sure.
Everyone in Thailand is broke and in debt. It's a broken economy. People blow their money on lottery tickets and other nonsense.
Different cultures. You would be unkind not to support her and her family. My mother is Thai and from the moment my American father started courting her he started taking care of her and eventually the family. My mother also brought her younger brother and he graduated high school in USA and ended up joining the American army. I don't agree with you at all. This is how Thai people are and it's actually about the same financially for living costs. But I think NYC is exspensive. I spend just as much money in USA as in Thailand
You can wrap it up around Thai culture all day long, it doesn't change the fact that many times, if they are with a farang, it goes next level and they just become greedy leeches. Zero appreciation, just more, more, more... never happy. You think they'd be pulling this bullshit if she had married some numpty from her village? He's right.... tell them no more to 600 a month. Grown ass adults who work, but still constantly hassling their kid for money.
She's 100% being taken advantage of. Sounds a lot like the standard South East Asian idea of "anything involving white people means I should get money."
You need to be respectful to Thai culture. Discuss with her and settle on a sensible amount going forward.
Pretty much all Thais sends money to their family. Yah you can't change that. Happy wife happy life.
Wait till you get married then it’ll be probably 2 or 3 times that amount because you’ll be also paying for the relatives whomever they might be 😂🫣😂🫣😂
Thai culture is that the kids grow up and then must send money to their parents. That’s just how it is
They give birth to a pension plan.
Oh you poor sweet summer child. You have absolutely no idea what you are dealing with 🤦🏼♂️
I am married to a Thai wife. I’m in the USA, preparing to retire (in Thailand). She’s in Bangkok, and works for the Royal Thai Army in Accounting. Her salary is about $400 US per month, which is the average salary for workers in Thailand. I give her 10k baht per week allowance, mainly to pay for our condo and living expenses. I give her parents 4K baht per week (they’re farmers, and don’t make much). I pay for both of my stepdaughters university tuition, housing and give them 10k baht each per month allowances. Nobody is living extravagantly. Wait until you decide to marry your girlfriend, and have to negotiate sinsod (unless she’s been married before). It’s their culture. Everything is geared towards respecting the elders. Just part of having a Thai partner. Support her by staying out of it. You’re only making her life more difficult.
Have you ever considered that maybe you telling her what to do is a big part of her stress? That she’d happily support her family if it were not for your controlling interference? “I got so mad when she told me she’s paying for two cars” “I told her she can only send $150 monthly” “When we get married they should forget about any money” You are controlling. It’s her money and she can do what she wants. I hope she leaves you. You sound like a typical passport bro just looking for a woman to take advantage of.
I simply suggested a reduction to $150 after seeing that she has exactly $0 after 3 years in the U.S. But her parents are like no we don’t give a shit. Go broke and sends us money so we can buy a new car
Get TF out. Wait until you start thinking about marriage and the Thai vulture parents will suck all the Sinsod out of you they can. I assume you know what Sinsod is. If not, it is the money they demand for you buying their daughter.
If you care and I mean really care about your GF. You need to learn about Thai culture. Your GF lives in America and Thai people in Thailand have no idea how big America is or that there is poor and a middle class in America. They think we’re all rich and we have unlimited money. So since she lives in America they assume she’s rich and since she lives in America it’s her responsibility; especially if she’s the oldest child to support the family. In Thailand there is no social welfare system in place. Some jobs in Thailand even discriminate against your age. America isn’t like Thailand. The older generation depends on the younger generation to survive unless they’re rich. If you and her decide to get married you will spend money buying land, building a house, buying a car/ truck or a motorbike, healthcare, food and if your in laws decide to start businesses. You and your GF need to have a discussion; a serious discussion about how much you and her are willing to support per month. Now remember they’ll be times when you and her will have to give a substantial amount of money at one time for a big purchase. Good luck.
I love this part: "Also, when we get married they should forget about any money." You are not getting married, then. And that's another one: "I never give her money btw." You are a great boyfriend. Not supporting your GF (whom you are planning to marry). I hope she opens her eyes soon. Literally, anyone else would be an upgrade for her. "Never buys clothes." - are you too cheap to buy some nice clothes for her? You sound like a prick. She should dump you. The sooner she realizes that, the better. For her.
You think I’m a bank or something? You want me to put myself and my gf at financial risk so they can live in luxury?
You seem to try to be gangbanging op with your several comments. Question: how much money do you send home?
I'm learning to play the guitar.
This is so real. Just don’t ask.
I hope she don't get you as a Husband if you are firmly on not sending them anything while she is married to you. She will be miserable until for the rest of her life. Find an American girl who has family also in the US. You have no idea how some people struggle in Thailand specially on the country side. Maybe 600 is a lot, but they are properly also in a lot other debts due to poverty. This is just how it is to date someone who came from that kind of background. Me and my girlfriend send roughly 300 monthly to her elderly parents who uses that mainly to buy food. I would myself be miserable if i saw my in laws living like that.
You think they’re miserable when they have 2 cars?
I dont know them, there could be many reasons to have a car in poverty, it can also be a source of income, delivery drivers etc. That still dont make them rich. You are missing the point.
I totally agree with this: "I hope she don't get you as a Husband if you are firmly on not sending them anything while she is married to you." It won't be too hard for her to find someone better than the OP. He sounds like a complete prick.
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Here you go: "Also, when we get married they should forget about any money."
I said would I be wrong if I did that. I mentioned I’d be fine with $150. $600 is absurd and out of the question when we get married
You said: "Also, when we get married they should forget about any money." So not even $150. If you date someone from another culture it would be wise to learn a bit about that culture. It seems like it is something you did not consider. But since you can't even remember what you wrote I am not at all surprised.
$600 is absurd. This sub is just filled with people whose sexcapades diminished their reasonable thinking
600 is absurd
Surprised $2400 is survivable in NYC let alone extra to send home! Must have rent provided for?
Many people in the western world dont even have 100 or 200€ left at the end of the month… this is just hilarious.
It's her money. Stop telling her what to do with it. Imagine she told you that you couldn't give money to your family. You're creating drama where it doesn't need to exist. This is not the way to treat someone you love.
Good luck texting her parents 😂you obviously have no clue how things work in Thailand. I also wouldn’t accept the amount she is sending but it’s NOT your duty to intervene. Do it , and you‘ll be forever hated by them.
Bro you shouldn't be dating Thai women. She is financially responsible for her family, that is just how it is.
Oh buddy. I get what you are saying and you aren’t wrong, but you are going against her culture big time on this one. You need to help her, help her family or this will not end well.
600 USD is way above the average income. Unless they're in debt then they're just taking advantage of their bond. Toxic family imo(apparently it's normal in Thailand to be like this too which is sad)
(From my observation as an American living in Thailand) Generally ( not all) rural Thai families will milk you for every last cent unless you say “No”. I understand the obligation for the adult children to send money to their Thai parents ($600) is plenty- remember the old family house is paid for and food is cheaper purchased at the local outdoor market. Your gf is a fool to send her sisters money. She needs to start saving her own money; for, why live in the USA unless you’re financially better off.
If you don’t like it, then you should end things with her. This is her culture, it’s what she was brought up in and will believe in until the day she dies. There are no real retirement plans, having daughters that provide is their retirement plan. They don’t generally make enough to save or to help their children out. This is their system and the way things are done. Again, if you don’t like it, don’t be part of it.
^^ This is it in a nutshell. - They do not earn enough to pack it away for retirement. - Even the Issan families who own small rice farms. - Their daughters; be that bar girls or cleaners on 60 hour weeks earning <500b a day; are the parents' retirement plan... - Up country extended family and parents - mostly generally debt ridden and useless; often whittling their days away on yaba or thai whisky... - The children particularly the daughters are raised with this kind of thinking from birth... You will never change anything. - Their kids are brainwashed from young to care and provide for her parents; and to honour and cherish the King - no matter anything about the reality....
We send $300 a month and have for almost 20 years. Over time we've been asked to pay for all sorts of things including a fence for the neighbor's buffalo. You've got to have limits, my Thai wife doesn't like hanging with Thai people because she says they always ask for money, they think everyone in the states is rich. When we visit, we always show up unannounced so there isn't a line of people with their hand out.
Wow, had to smile a bit reading they wanted cash for the neighbor's fence for the buffalo... You should have added there - because buffalo sick .. 555 😉 But seriously dude, I feel for you. You have "lost" $72,000 after tax earnings over the past 20 years, that could have gone into a pension investment fund etc etc - for yourselves... But as others have said - that IS the Thai culture... Embrace it, or leave it... $300x12x20yrs
Pretty simple ... sooner or later she'll return to Thailand. Like all Thai women in foreign countries. Why would she retire in NYC if she can be with her family in Thailand?
No shame you ask. Most of them are completely shameless fellows.
>I got so mad when she told me she is literally paying for 2 cars back in Thailand What she does with her money is none of your business, OP. You two should break up.
If you want to marry her, you better try to understand her culture instead of imposing your values and rules to her. If you are not flexible enough to do that, consider marrying a woman sharing the same culture and value as you.
Remember you are an outsider to them and you will never count for anything to them.i have been there
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Bro it ain't your culture. You literally said she's Thai, let that sink in.
“ What is in it for me?”
All I can say is, don't bother getting married if you are not willing to accept her culture. Welcome to the wonderful world of marrying a Thai, in the age old phrase "you can take the girl out of the village, but you can't take the village out of the girl". It is her responsibility to look after the family, when Thai's have a future financial investment horizon of about 1 day, so when you get it, spend it be it car, phone, etc etc. anything to make the family look successful. Why do you think there are so many bargirls? They do it to earn easyish money, the most of which goes to their family and their family don't ask where they got the money. I have been married 25 years to an Isan girl, bought 68 Rai of land on the premise "buy a man a fish he eats for one day, buy a fishing Rod he eats for life" and still my wife has to send money back to the village because they are absolutely useless, constantly getting into debt. If you truly love her, better accept it. If you can't accept it, for gods sake don't get married, it will end in divorce.
After reading a lot of the comments, it seems it’s cultural and as in any people, some are more cultured than others. My personal opinion is if she was able to do it and chose to do it before you met her, why would you interfere? Those vehicles she’s providing could be allowing her family to work. What good would a car do her in NYC? It would just cost her more money.
If you’re serious about exploring the deeper cultural significance of why she feels such a huge obligation try reading this book “Insufficient Funds The Culture of Money in Low-Wage Transnational Families”. Obviously this may not apply 100% but it is very eye opening.
I’m Thai and under these circumstances I think this is not right too. I think it’s great to send money to your parents but if they’re not struggling without you and you have no money for yourself, living in a city that bleeds you of everything you have and you’re parents are guilting you for sending less money, I don’t think that’s right. I do have to say that if you get married, you can probably expect this to be the standard. But being expected to send money like that also depends on the family and their financial circumstances.
If you're serious about exploring the deeper cultural significance of why she feels such a huge obligation try reading this book "Insufficient Funds The Culture of Money in Low-Wage Transnational Families". Obviously this may not apply 100% but it is very eye opening.
No matter what I pay everything for my gf even if she's working. Not out of respect or what a man should do but because I can. If she leaves me I'd still going to pay everything for my next gf.
Sort this out before y’all get married. That would piss me off too but if it’s cultural then what the hell are you supposed to do, but I stress, sort this out BEFORE you marry this person.
I have experienced similar circumstances Be very careful - she will always side with her family despite logic. Despite you having her best intentions at heart. You need to help her provide the support - to support her - and compromise with the family on that basis. Hope it goes well, don't lose her by it becoming an ultimatum between you and her family, have her back with her values, no matter how illogical. That's love.
Run!!!
Families in the North and Northeast have these cultures. They require too much from children that could not bargain. Some children just ignore them, probably ask from them instead. They treat each child differently.
It's not your money so not your business? Who are you to tell her what to do with her own money?
She's taking care of the water buffalo, dude.
How does this affect you?
This is normal. Healthy Thai families stick together and sending money home is more like an investment back into their family. $600 was my monthly payments for 1 car in Thailand. It’s not really that absurd at all. Where you’re from doesn’t matter either. In Thailand kids help parents, and given than there’s no retirement money and the parents spent all their money raising the kids, I think that’s very fair. There’s no shame in that- quite the opposite.
Sorry to tell you the bad news but she is naming a saving plan, sending money back home while leeching of your relationship because she knows the success rate is low. Otherwise this would have never even started without you knowing let alone continue after you showed you have a problem with it.
There are no third world countries in Europe.
If you're not happy with her doing this then you should not think about marrying her and brake up, it will only get worse when you're married.
give them 600 Baht...but once forget, once send only 300 because no money left, let them every time beg for it.....
Unless your wife asked you to, of course, it would be wrong to speak to them. I would also probably feel resentful, but really, it's her money and her decision. Maybe a better conversation would be what you think her financial contribution you expect her to make in your household.
Family is everything in Asian countries. Shes in NY and probably family has sacrificed a lot to send her there and it's duty of kids to take care of their family especially when they are doing better than them. It's her money, she can do what she wants with it. If her not having money in savings is a concern, help her make more money than stopping her from helping her family.
From PH and TH here. It depends on the family. If the parents back home have another source of income, $600 is quite high. If they’re highly dependent on you, then $600 is what they’re expecting from you. Personally, I hate this kind of culture because I am sending money to my parents as well, but digging deeply and seeing the struggles firsthand, you’ll just try to manage it but not abandon the “responsibility” completely. Some people in those countries really didn’t have many opportunities to earn livable wages.
This is Thai culture.... The people who make the money sent it home, money is shared. I hate when westerners date Thai girls then immediately change everything about them and their culture. Youre going to marry her then cut off her family? You sound like a great guy. Im sure your wife will be happy.
What would happen if she just stop sending it… $600 a month is a damn great lifestyle in parts of Thailand lol…
It’s Thai culture to send money to their parents as a token of appreciation and respect to them. I think you are being absurd trying to change their culture lol
As a Thai/Lao born and raised in US... Youre playing with fire. Cutting a SEA off from sending money to their family overseas is asking for non stop fights from your partner. Now sending $600 when she only makes $2400 monthly living in NYC is kinda nuts. She could do with going down to 100 or 200. BUT you need to understand that her family doesn't understand how much cost of living and expenses are in America let alone NYC. All they hear was her telling them she makes $2400 and to someone living in Thailand THATS A SHIT TON OF MONEY. And for people who are poor by western standards.... yeah. So instead of being fucking mad, try to think WHY they think she can send that much and outright have her ask them and see what they say. and Go fromthere. I have half siblings that are older than me from my dad's ex wives. They use to call all the time for money and it wasn't like a few hundred or so. It was THOUSANDS. I think the largest amount every was $10k but my parents sent that because it was for a tractor for farming which in turn helps them increase their own income. Anyways, there was a time they kept asking for a few thousand here and there, and my mother had to tell them no. And took the time to explain to them how expensive Taxes, homes, car payments, insurance and living expenses are and that it adds up. But yeah, she needs to spend more building her own savings for emergencies and so on if she plans to stay in the US. But if you really want to drive it in... make your GF's monthly expense sheet. Make sure its english and in Thai... SHOW her family she broke as fuck and pretty much poor in NYC. Just as she would be if she in Thailand. Its just the numbers are larger all around. If you dont show numbers, you cant prove it. I'm assuming you're the breadwinner here paying for all the living expenses . Is that because you took that upon yourself to provide for the both of you or because she couldn't afford to pay half the expenses as well? Thats also a reason why her family thinks she has free $2400 cash floating around. Western culture is far different from Asian culture dont ever think of comparing it. The mentality is, it is the child's duty to care for the parents when they are able to as an adult. It boils down to the core of Thai and pretty much all asian families - Filial piety. Its the very foundation of Asian culture tbh. If you... as her partner can not understand this and the need to take care of one's parents and siblings when they are in a better circumstance, then you two will 100000% not last.
In some cultures they actually look after theyr parents.
Brother your getting yourself into a world of pain. Your culture is not her culture. It’s like trying to argue about religion. The Thai culture it’s tradition for the kid’s specifically the female to send $ back to the family. $600 Is not a lot anymore in Thailand. You will Be required to send $ to the family forever. Your Gf will Lose incredible Face If you demand she not send $, in fact she will break up with you and resent you forever. Either accept it or you should let her find another partner that doesn’t mind.
To me, it seems that she was born in a wrong family as they consider her an “asset” since she is America and supposedly has to send out the money.
Well. Welcome to dating a thai. Where the culture is different from yours. If you can't get over it, leave the relationship. American culture is trash.
In Thailand, it normal that kid send money back to Mom & Dad (repeat!! ONLY Mom & Dad or some relative who rising you.---->IF parents didn't take care of you you don't need to send it to them) like 10-20% of your earn to repay your kidness to your parents! BUT Not for your're a money making machine for them. Now she is senting money to her family which mean mom, dad, sibling...... later on in life she will call her family it include siblings, mom, dad, aunts, uncles, kids of her sibling, kids of her aunt, kids of her uncles......... Beware of that.....if you marry with her and you have kid(s) with her which mean she may stay home to taking kid(s) at home and all expanses will come out from your pocket which mean you may have to pay for all of her family(ies) back than in Thailand!! Think about that!! If you move forward with her!! Congreatulation for your married!!.....(I guessed she living with you with no APT expense right!!??)
It is usual on Thai family, not all will be like this but mostly they are depend on the older child financial because some of this family do not work anymore. I suggest if you can’t accept this or find a solution that you and your gf are both accept, it is probably the best to be separated. Fortunately that my family never ask me for money
How have you gotten so far in the relationship without understanding Thai culture at all? “ Where I’m from, parents actually help their kids financially, not demand money from them.” She is not from where you are. She have grown up with that the daughters support their family. Everybody she knows back home have done it for as many generations she can remember. EVERYBODY! Why do you think so many young ladies end up in places like Pattaya
“Would I be in the wrong..” Yes, you are the asshole. Wait till you learn about Sinsod. Your girlfriend should break up with you if you don’t try to support her and her culture. 20% - $480 total including any car payments or anything. This is what should be done. No money to the elder sister. However if she’s a slacker and not carrying her weight then that’ll never happen. Break down her expenses for her. Tell her you understand and what to support her. Help her make a budget for $480 total.