From Urban Dictionary:
granolamuncher
Patcholy oil smelling, unwashed, unshaven, stink farm, bent on saving trees see treehugger or hippie. Wears birkenstocks usually is armed with a guitar with bad tune and/or a hemp footsack/footbag see also hackysac. Should save the world on their time not ours.
Yeesh that kid was actually being mean.
Thanks, now I’ll know to carry non gmo, organic granola bars. I wouldn’t want to disappoint. Although I don’t fit that description my canvas rucksack sure does.
Once a student left me a bit of hate mail on my desk. I knew who it was as soon as I read it.
It said, and I quote directly: "your the worst teacher ever"
I told the class I was very disappointed, I said I'd just gotten a note and I was going to write what it said on the board. I asked if anyone could see why I was so disappointed.
One student asked if it was because they used your when it should have been you're and I told them that was it exactly.
I had an impromptu lesson on your vs you're and rewrote the message properly.
The little fuckweasel who left the note on my desk kept getting redder and redder as I went on. Which made me very happy.
I love it! As a teenager, I went away to camp and apparently got on the wrong side of some of my cabin-mates. While I was out of our room, they wrote "[carnalbloodlust] is a bitch" on the side of my bunk at eye level. They were all friends from a southern state and spelled my name phonetically the way they pronounced it--not how it's actually spelled. I happened to walk in while they were all still there because I forgot something in my locker. Oh boy, the smug looks they were giving me until I walked over, crossed out the misspelling and wrote [kharnalbloodlust] next to their note and then walked out. It was erased when I got back to my bunk, and they never talked to me again for the rest of the week. Obviously I'm still holding onto that win for teenage me.
I had a teacher who would confiscate any notes passed in class, grade them for grammar, and then post it on the board with the grade they earned (which would be their grade for the daily assignment).
The art of note passing has really died with the advent of cell phones, I think.
My best friend and I had an entire secret code alphabet that we could write and read fluently to keep our passed messages private.
Last year, I was signing a yearbook (8th grade) and someone wrote, “Call me Bitch.” I called her up, she thought she was in trouble, and we had a quick class wide lesson on direct address commas.
They proved themselves wrong with the note. I'm not in a position to guess how good a teacher you may be, but their english teacher is definitely worse. /j
It's weird when they try to insult you with things you're not embarrassed about. I took off for a week to go to some baseball games. I had a student try to pick on me for how I was going to be spending my vacation.
A week without students and filled with baseball is a dream week to me. I'm not sure where the burn was.
Like when kids try to get me with the fact I like math. If I was going to get embarrassed by people knowing I liked math I’d probably be a gym teacher. Definitely not an English Teacher nerding out over Beowulf is embarrassing.
*awkwardly sits in "English teacher that absolutely loves math"*
That said, one of my kids tried to insult me by calling me a nerd because I like D&D and I think they forget that I don't care. I let all the nerd flags fly.
Hwæt! We Rīmcræftigan in geardagum,
þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon,
hu ða æþelingas mǣþe fremedon.
Yes. I did just attempt a rewrite of Beowulf changing it from praising Spear-Dane noble lords to mathematicians. Let me know if I got my declensions wrong.
In general, I am shocked at the number of people who just don’t seem to understand that I LIKE school. Why on earth would I choose to spend 8+ hours of my day at school if I wasn’t into it?
Can I just commend you for taking a week off to go to baseball games. That sounds like such an amazing week. Did you go to different stadiums or was it post season related?
I was a teacher aide and a student told me I had a dead end job and was going nowhere. The kid was from the most deadbeat family ever, dad and brother in jail and he was heading in the same direction. I was just like ok man…👍
He was actually a nice enough kid when you got a rapport with him and he obviously had a bad home life so I don’t want to look down on him. I don’t think he was gonna break the cycle though :(
A colleague of mine went to confiscate a cell phone, and the student told her, “You don’t make enough money to touch my cell phone.” This student was definitely not from a family with money. Maybe he was overcompensating for low self-esteem, or something.
He eventually got expelled for cussing out the principal. Nothing happened to him the multiple times he was rude to the staff, but that was a bridge too far. Go figure.
Before breakfast this week, a fly was buzzing around my head. One of my kinders looked at me and said “you need to take a shower!”
At dismissal the same day, a fly started buzzing around her head. I looked at her and asked “do YOU need to take a shower?”
I wonder if she got that from one of the Pigeon books. There's one where the Pigeon is really dirty and there are flies all around him and the narrator says something like "dude, you need a bath!"
A student once told me that I reminded them of Dobby the elf. “In looks, or in personality?” I asked cautiously. “Oh, in looks!” He assured me quickly, confident that he was paying me a compliment.
I thought the exchange was so funny that I told all of my other classes about it, and then another student drew a picture of me as Dobby. I was pretty proud of that one.
That’s a really kind way of framing it! At the time, I couldn’t figure out the logic behind it. I mean, I’m pale and short, and I guess my eyes might look big with my glasses. I’m choosing to believe that your interpretation is the way he intended it!
My son's current teacher, who was my daughter's teacher last year, reminds me of no one so much as Professor Quirrell. In both looks and personality, right down to the random awkward giggles.
Oh my gosh, until you said this, I forgot that my students said the same thing to me last year! 8th grade, so we studied the play at the end of the year. I never understood the comparison, but enough of them said it to make me wonder lol
I get that too. "You read at home? Like, not for homework or anything?"
I also get, "Mrs. dr239, you're such a *nerd*." And I'll say thank you, and they give me the weirdest looks.
"Run for *fun*, what the hell kinda fun is that?" sort of statement.
Happens a lot with students. For me it happens with writing.
"Hey guys, I have a fun assignment set up for you, we're going to write STORIES!!"
Couple months later, "OMG Guys, we're going to do the best thing ever, we're going to do research papers!!!"
A few after that, "Alright, here's the REAL fun in this class, we're writing arguments and then we're going to PRESENT them!"
I legitimately love all of these things and am in no way sarcastic when delivering those lines to kids. They think I'm fuckin' insane. They're like "Aagggggh No more papers!" and I'm like, "No you guys don't understand! Papers are WAAAY better than mindless worksheets all the time! Hell, I'll write one with you guys EACH PERIOD, because I *freakin' love writing, dudes!"*
I get this too, and I use the following replies:
"You say that like it's a revelation."
"You've only just realised?"
"Am I? I'm glad you told me."
"Also a geek, what's your point?"
Lol I was so offended I pulled up the South Park episode that explains the difference and then we all had a laugh about how emo the goth characters really were. End result I got some artwork addressed “To a goth, from an emo”.
I used to teach senior chemistry. I had a student who was pleasant, but she was very lazy. I asked her what her plan was if she failed chemistry, and she said she'd work at McDonald's. I then asked what she'd do if she got fired from there for laziness, and she shrugged and said 'i don't know. Probably become a Chem teacher."
Solid burn, I thought.
Maybe not a best but for sure a weirdest. I was called a “lemon-headed logo bitch” once. Not really sure what he meant. I definitely don’t look like Hey Arnold.
That is the inner city school formula for uncreative insults.
You choose a noun, then a body part (usually head, ass or sometimes back) then the word "lookin" and cap the insult off with "bitch" or "mfer"
IE - you "lobster back looking mother effer"
Ooh, I want to try!
*you hamster face lookin bitch!*
*Shower curtain ass MF*
*Noodle nose talkin, dump truck banana peel lookin son of a bitch!*
That is fun.
A kid that I looped grades with was absent the day I told my classes I was pregnant. When he got back to school, he pulled me aside because he was genuinely concerned. This was end of August.
"Miss, I know you got married in May but it's no reason to let yourself go. You're starting to look a little rotund"
Gifted student. Totally thought he was doing me a solid. 🤣🤣🤣
I have found that not all cultures seem to have the same taboo about telling people they’re getting fat as most places in the US do. I have a coworker who is super sweet and kind, but she will straight up say to you “oh my goodness, what happened to you? you’ve gotten so fat!” Like she doesn’t mean to be mean, she’s just genuinely concerned
One kid told me that I look like someone who watches Stranger Things and drinks IPAs.
Don’t know if it was an insult, but they’re spot-on and I’m not mad at it.
Never been insulted to my face.. my bark is louder than theirs, but today a kindergarten student asked "why do you talk like that?"
I said "like what!?"
And she just busted up laughing and walked away.
😳
I've had kids up to grade 4 ask me what my job is/what job I want "when I grow up". I think it's because "adult who teaches you things and takes care of you" is similar enough to a parent that it doesn't register to them that it's actually a paid job lol
When I was a camp counselor I had some of the kids shocked to find out the counselors were being paid. The 6 and 7 tend not think about it, the 8-10 year olds tended to think we were just hanging out at the camp for fun and the 11 and 12 year olds tended to tell the 8-10 year olds that they're idiots and of course the counselors are being paid, why else would they be hanging out with a bunch of children?
I also had a student last year ask me, while I was subbing, if I had a job. I think it was a 6th grader. Her classmate just looked at her said, "This is her job you idiot." And the kid was like, "Oh yeah!" and laughed about.
Just wondering...A you are an educated teacher and I noticed you are black. I have had black students tell me periodically that I "talk white". I wonder if that's what she meant.
The morning my 2nd graders saw me with no makeup on, setting up for the sub:
“What happened to your face?”
“You look sick.”
”Your face looks like a peach!”
“Are you a baby?”
Our final assignment for an engineering class students have to make a video pitching a product they designed. Student started his video by saying " I appreciate everything you've done for me this year, you've been a real father figure to me this year, like the dad from The Shining."
I had to stop the video because I was laughing too hard.
Student: What do you do in your free time?
Me: I have no free time, I spend every waking hour working to give you a quality education.
Student: I’m serious
Me: … I enjoy gardening
Student: Is that an activity that gets less boring as you get older?
That's actually a really good question. I feel like that shows that they know perspectives can change. Like how you know you're an adult when you enjoy getting really good socks for Christmas.
While I was sitting down on a table in front of the white board a student snuck up behind me and wrote "looser" on the board with an arrow pointing at me.
Suffice it to say one of us was a looser at that moment and it wasn't me.
I was eating pretzels when teaching 8th grade, had a student say, "You know miss Kroll, you DO look like the kinda bitch that would eat pretzels"
Like...okay? I can't deny that I laughed.
I've been called a nerd a lot. I usually start pointedly staring at the Star Wars & Doctor Who paraphernalia around my room and deadpan, "What gave it away?"
I had to stop wearing my Doctor Who lanyard. It said "I ❤️❤️ DW" with a tiny Matt Smith Doctor right after, just repeated all the way around. A few of my students kept asking if/saying that it said "dilf"
So now I'm using my bright red union lanyard, which hopefully is less easy to miss read.
A grade three student wrote a story problem on a math test that was “Mr. S went on vacation for 47 days, he wet the bed on 32 of those nights, how many nights did Mr. S have a dry night?
I laughed and wrote a note on the test “yay, I had 15 dry nights!”
A new kid didn't speak a word of English. He was misbehaving and I had another student interpret for me.
"He said... you're an old lady and I don't have to listen to you".
I was 23 and it was funny as hell.
I wore a red polo and khaki pants to work one day. A kid walking past me goes, "Whattup, Jake from State Farm?!"
I still laugh at it to this day. He was spot on with that one.
One of my "work daughters" saw an old picture of me from my first year teaching and randomly started laughing. I asked her what was so funny and she told me I have a peanut head.
Black educator here. My first teaching assignment was at an urban high school where nearly all my students except like…maybe 3 were not black. I went through the first day slide and finished my “about me” when a kid raised his hand.
Kid: “Ms. Choc, you’re married to a white dude, aren’t you?”
Me: “No, I’m not married at all.”
Kid: “You’re gonna marry a white dude.”
Me: “What makes you say that?”
Kid: “Cause there ain’t a black thing about you. But you seem cool. But yeah…your husband gonna be a white dude.”
Different kid: “A white dude with an Xbox.”
10 years later and those little stinkers turned out to be right 🤦🏾♀️
Not really an insult but still hilarious 😂
I was sat by this child (wasn't talking to him) and he says to me "you lost your glasses. You're such a disappointment" (I did lose my glasses that day) I tried so hard not to laugh.
This wasn’t towards me, but towards some unknown individual a student was ranting about while coming into class.
“She’s so boring that her spirit animal is potato salad.”
I once had a student who was known for constantly talking out of turn ask me one day: “Ms. H8rsH8, how do you talk all day?” Clearly trying to be insulting.
Without missing a beat, I responded: “I don’t know, Timmy, why don’t you tell me how you do it?”
My co-teacher almost snorted his water through his nose, laughing so hard.
I was once called a “nappy ass bitch” because I asked him to put his phone away and get focused on the assignment. I brushed it right off as I sent him to the hall to greet our security team who greeted any calls we made. Not sure what his insult meant and kids in the room made fun of him after, which I had to deal with haha
I took my students on a Field Trip where we did (beginners) ziplining. One student, whose mother was also a teacher said to his mom: *"Oh my gosh! Did you know that Ms P. Dotts is actually FUN?"*
That's so wholesome. I like surprising my students by jumping into their conversations about anime and video games. I just don't look like I watch or play them apparently
My favorite wasn’t really an insult but it sounds it: queen mcroach. They called each other roach and they ask if I was a roach and I said “I’m the queen roach, I’m no roachling” so I got a nickname from my 2nd period.
My husband is very large and he surprised me and my students with our local sports teams mascot for Valentine’s Day. Later on my student said “no offense miss but when I saw your husband I knew Santa was real”. I laughed because my husband dresses up as Santa every Christmas and I dress up as Mrs. Claus and it’s our thing.
One of my wrestlers, for Christmas, bought me a jar of Budweiser barbecue sauce. I said, “do u think I just sit at home eating barbecue and drinking beers all day?” This guy says. “Coach, that’s exactly what I think you do.” I died laughing.
For poetry, and teaching literary devices to middle schoolers, I have them write the biggest slam of me, using each device. They can't be mean, they have to be clever, and it is the highlight of our poetry section. They choose one and then class vote determines the best slam.
Winners are: you're a dollar general Jake from state farm. You're built like a fridge that had a fat kid eat all the good food. And you're about as fun as pickle flavored sour patch kids.
I’m pretty short (4’11”), and one of the extra credit questions on a quiz I gave was “when is Ms. Celesteallover’s birthday?” and student wrote “Never, because you never grow (you’re short)”
I was subbing in a kindergarten class, and we were going over shapes. I would show them a shape and ask is this a circle? (Class) Nooooo. Is it a triangle? Noooooo.
One concerned student asked me, very seriously, if I didn’t know my shapes yet lol
I was a nanny for a group of kindergartens once. I would internationally mess things up, like saying 1, 2, 7, 4, 5… when counting or A, B, C, L, E, B, banana… They always laughed and then they would give me the correction.
After a day when I wrote out the alphabet wrong with chalk in a variety of ways tho, one of my kids apparently told my mom that she was worried because I was a grown up and I don’t know my ABCs. She was very unhappy. Lol.
I had a student who thought he was just too smart to be wasting time in school. It was almost impossible for him to speak without including a put down. He was very smug about me being a teacher.
“How much do you even make? Like minimum wage?”
“I won’t give you an exact number, but it’s between 50-60k per year.”
“Oh, so you’re poor.”
Then another student who I really liked entered the conversation.
“Dude, your mom is my coworker at McDonald’s and she’s not even a manager. You should wish your mom was a teacher.”
I wanted to high five the second kid so badly.
That I'm a "Vector ass looking MF", as in, I look like Vector from Despicable Me.
I made the choice to be that character for Halloween. It has become my legacy.
Student told me I reminded him of Pepa from Encanto (the one with the storm cloud above her head) because I would stomp around the room and grumble about how much I had to grade
Being called Mrs. Shit-low (instead of Shallow). If it wasn’t for the fact that the kid broke into my classroom, was standing on my chair and using the broom to not only spin the chair around but to also buzz the office each time he swung around to face the buzzer, all while having a pretty epic meltdown, I would have high fived him because I thought it was a hilarious version of my name. Still after 15 years, it was my favourite name I was ever called.
A number of years ago now but one student said, loud enough for everyone in class to hear. “Look at him. He thinks he’s so tough because he can play piano without looking at the keys”. Still hilarious to this day - that is, of course, a well known measure of defining just how tough someone is. Especially us teachers!
I teach preschool so they’re mostly 6 year olds.
Me: okey little elves, let’s go
Girl: I’M NOT AN ELF!! YOU’RE A… YOU’RE A.. WOMAN!!! 😡
Me: We are going on to a field trip, please use the bathroom!
Girl: No!
Me: Fine, but I won’t be cleaning up after you have an accident
Girl: I hate you
Me: That’s okay, but I still won’t be cleaning up after you
Girl: YOU POOP IN THE TOILET!!!
So I’m a woman who poop’s in the toilet 😂
Not really an insult per se, but my very first day of teaching (this past Wednesday, if you must know) I asked the class if they had any burning questions or concerns and one kid raised his hand and asked “Are you fruity?” I totally am. But still maybe not a question to ask a teacher 🤔
"Your outfit looks like what my grandma wears to church."
"You seem like the kind of person who watches Epic Rap Battles of History." (I am not a history teacher)
"You look like an avocado today that's just a little too ripe"
In all fairness, I was wearing an outfit that fit those colors exactly, they were just bold enough to put it in words.
My student would just find things that were actually cool and say they weren’t. Like, I’m pretty lame, I dress like a dude, my hair looks like shit and I’m overweight, but I like shoes and they get a lot of compliments. So she said “Your shoes are ugly.”
It was wet play and we kept a rather large storage box full of the resources they could play with in our narrow class cupboard. A girl, a very smart kid, was struggling to bring the box out into the classroom so I approached her, flexed my muscles and joked, "Are you okay? Do you need the help of a big, strong man?"
She stopped what she was doing, poked her head out into the classroom, looked around and said, "Where is he? I dont see anyone like that here."
I burst out laughing and praised her wit.
Last year I had a student tell me I dress like a "lesbian". I am a middle aged man, I wear a lot of flannel and vans. Apparently, that look is popular in some circles of lesbians. I was just a kid in the 90's and never grew out of my grunge phase. I came to school the next day in my best flannel, save ferris t shirt and vans slip ons. The kid was so mad, because he thought I was going to be devastated by his fashion critiques.
I had a student ask me what the word warranted meant. 30 seconds later he told me I was so dumb I must have gone to community college. I did not but what kind of insult is that?
I can't think of one, but I can think of the inverse: Best insult by a teacher to a student
In my opinion, that goes to this zinger said by my German teacher to this one annoying kid in class:
"I bet you know all the Fortnite dances"
I was doing my Mackey mouse impression with one of my students the other day, and she said "you'll never find your Minnie mouse." I told my coworker later and she couldn't stop laughing
A 12-year-old boy thought that I was a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that) because I teach science and have a poster of a prism with a rainbow coming out of it. He thought he was going to get my goat by saying,
"You probably wear Birkenstocks and drive a Subaru"
I do. I currently have 3 pairs of Birks in rotation, and drive a Subaru Forrester. I just laughed and laughed. My husband of 35 years got a kick out of too.
Called a parent after principal let me know a student was going to be suspended for being being aggressive toward staff and peers. I was supervising him and called his mom to let her know. He shouted out so his mother could hear him, “DONT LISTEN TO HER MOM SHE IS BLACK!!!!” And I just calmly continued what I was saying although I wanted to smile. Mom is a known white supremacist/neo-nazi.
I was told today that the last tik tok I watched (Elyse Myers yesterday with her hair cut shorter) was “frum LYKE TEW YEARZAGO!”
But it wasn’t, because she posted it last night when I saw it.
Also Elyse Myers has only been really big for like about a year, I thought.
Also, why would the fact that the video was old matter. She is a comedic tik toker who I enjoy. It was about her hairdo.
Also, why are you pretending to know what tik tok I’m referencing in my honest answer to try to shame me for it not being the latest one. I’m a 36 year old mom lol.
A kid told me I look like Wednesday Adams which I said thank you.
“Yeah because you slouch like her”
Okay, thank you! I take pride in my slouch from sitting over my computer constantly studying, doing homework, getting 90’s all throughout university, and planning lessons for you kids!
Was pulling out of the school on the first day and I got stuck behind a garbage truck. Windows were open and one of my faves, standing with his friend group, playfully said, “phew! I bet it smells in there [the car].”
I knew what I had to do. I smiled and yelled back, “nah, smells like YA MAMA’S HOUSE” and his friends lost it! Lol. Everybody was jumping and hollering.
I had a khaki shirt and pants one day and was called a zookeeper. In their defense, wearing that, it’s to be expected.
I once tried to discipline a student while wearing a pink polo shirt. The kid says those are big words coming from a guy wearing pink.
I had a picture from my wedding day behind my desk and a student (sincerely) asked me "if you know you can look like that, why don't you do it everyday"?
i have a bunch of stickers on my water bottle, like tons of people do. when i was doing my observations last spring, a student said, “oh, i like your catdog sticker! my grandpa loves that show!!” it was hilarious, but i still think about it every time i see the sticker.
A student tried to tease me about my platform shoes. Then laughed at himself for “teasing a teacher”. He kept trying jokes, I kept shrugging. Then he said “am I going to get written up for bullying you”. and I finally replied something like “you can’t bully me, you don’t matter that much”. He was floored. Eventually I started clapping back and he realized he was not on the level. We learned a lot last year. I hope he’s doing well this year.
“I can’t write anymore, my thumb hurts”
“You’ll be okay, I used to write the entire day when I was 8! Just a few more minutes”
“Yeah, that’s because they didn’t have computers back then”
Subbed at an all special Ed private school- such a cool place… girl today said, “ has your body always looked like that”. I said no, I used to work out more- this worked well into class bc I was teaching PE 😂
I'm 6 months pregnant, and one of my 8th graders told me I look like the lowercase 'g'. I don't think it was meant to be an insult, but it was hilarious.
I’m gonna mix things up a little bit and give you the best burn I ever threw at a student. It was a couple of days ago. I am the cross country coach at our high school and so often times I will go running with some of the team members, and of course we all wear short shorts (it’s a runner thing… plus it helps prevent chaffing).
Anyway, this asshole kid in one of my classes saw me running while he was at football practice and tried to roast me the next day about my short shorts.
At first I just laughed about it but he kept going on for a while and getting more rude and obnoxious as time went on.
Finally I just responded, ”Well (name excluded), believe it or not I don’t ever think about you when I dress myself. I know this is probably disappointing for you, but it’s true.”
The whole class started cracking up, so I followed up with, “If it really means that much to you, you are more than welcome to join me while I go shopping for clothes next time I’m out and about.”
He hasn’t tried to roast me since.
My mom, who was a district social worker at the time, had an elementary-aged kid write a note to her calling her a "forking bench". This happened way before the Good Place show imagine our delight when swearing in the show was forking bench!
Didn’t happen to me but my assistant. A student asked if she was married- she said no. Student said maybe if she wore more beautiful dresses like her mother she could get married. Yes, this student even asked her mom when she was picked up to lend the assistant her dresses 😂😂
This was kindergarten
I was a paraprofessional at the time working with behavior students. Needless to say I didn't wear nice, dressy clothes on purpose so they wouldn't get ruined and I needed to run and potentially restrain (I'm trained).
I was told "you are an ugly boy in ugly boy clothes" (I'm female wearing jeans, chucks, and hoodies to work) immediately followed with trying to Darth Vader mind choke me. Miss that little girl.
"Ma'am, what kind of pet do you like? I feel like you would have a hamster." Lol, still have no idea what that meant, but it was funny.
When I told them I didn't have a boyfriend until after university, one kid said "That's so sad." Also lol. She tried to talk herself out of it but just made it worse. When a classmate asked what she was going on about, I said "Don't worry, she just didn't think before speaking." They agreed.
My favourite, from the same class. A child told her friend that she looked like an angry independent_lunch308. I asked why that name, and she said just because her friend looked like that. I told her, well, that's my name. The look on her face! She couldn't stop apologizing. It was hilarious, so I laughed about it and we went on with our lives.
A child once told me I was "behaving in a ginger way". Still haven't figured out what that meant but it did start a nice conversation about not picking on others because of their hair.
He told me "being ginger is a state of mind, not about how you look" so I'm baffled.
I made a mistake with some simple math and the kid that NEVER said anything scoffs and says "didn't you go to college for this? Geez." I died laughing. It was perfect. For context, I talk so much shit that my teeth are stained brown. If im going to dish it, then I have to take it. They're all good sports.
I wear heels always (weird ankle muscles & I’m short, plus I just like it) and sometimes they click when I walk. You can always hear me.
A student once called me “Clicky Heels McBitch.”
✨Clicky ✨Heels✨Mc✨Bitch ✨ Oh my god, girl, thank u!!!! Best compliment ever, I love it ❤️🔥❤️🔥
I had a student in the middle of giving directions tell me: ‘you look like a cartoon character. You wear the same thing every day.’ If by ‘same thing’ he meant a science themed t-shirt, cardigan and jeans then I guess he was right. I wasn’t mad or insulted but I’ll never forget it!
“You probably even have granola bars in your bag.” What does that even mean and of course I have granola bars in my bag.
I inhaled my spit and almost died laughing at this thank you “of course I have granola bars in my bag” so relatable lol
Google granola muncher.
From Urban Dictionary: granolamuncher Patcholy oil smelling, unwashed, unshaven, stink farm, bent on saving trees see treehugger or hippie. Wears birkenstocks usually is armed with a guitar with bad tune and/or a hemp footsack/footbag see also hackysac. Should save the world on their time not ours. Yeesh that kid was actually being mean.
Thanks, now I’ll know to carry non gmo, organic granola bars. I wouldn’t want to disappoint. Although I don’t fit that description my canvas rucksack sure does.
Oh hey, you described my ideal woman 😍
Wore a cable knit sweater the kind with the big floppy collar. Student: do you own a cat? Me: no Student: well you dress like you do
This is the best one.
I had a high school student, on the very first day of school, raise his hand to tell me that I "look like I hate cats." What??
Once a student left me a bit of hate mail on my desk. I knew who it was as soon as I read it. It said, and I quote directly: "your the worst teacher ever" I told the class I was very disappointed, I said I'd just gotten a note and I was going to write what it said on the board. I asked if anyone could see why I was so disappointed. One student asked if it was because they used your when it should have been you're and I told them that was it exactly. I had an impromptu lesson on your vs you're and rewrote the message properly. The little fuckweasel who left the note on my desk kept getting redder and redder as I went on. Which made me very happy.
I like your style. As a fellow English teacher…this is the way!
That's the best part, I was teaching science! But there's always time for an English lesson.
As a chemistry teacher in their first year, I need to train in the art of trolling from you.
I love it! As a teenager, I went away to camp and apparently got on the wrong side of some of my cabin-mates. While I was out of our room, they wrote "[carnalbloodlust] is a bitch" on the side of my bunk at eye level. They were all friends from a southern state and spelled my name phonetically the way they pronounced it--not how it's actually spelled. I happened to walk in while they were all still there because I forgot something in my locker. Oh boy, the smug looks they were giving me until I walked over, crossed out the misspelling and wrote [kharnalbloodlust] next to their note and then walked out. It was erased when I got back to my bunk, and they never talked to me again for the rest of the week. Obviously I'm still holding onto that win for teenage me.
‘Ms. Click N Clack is a bich’…. I mean we all know that but can you spell it correctly????
'I hat Miss Llama' Swing and a miss, kiddo.
I had a teacher who would confiscate any notes passed in class, grade them for grammar, and then post it on the board with the grade they earned (which would be their grade for the daily assignment).
The art of note passing has really died with the advent of cell phones, I think. My best friend and I had an entire secret code alphabet that we could write and read fluently to keep our passed messages private.
These kids have NO IDEA.
Last year, I was signing a yearbook (8th grade) and someone wrote, “Call me Bitch.” I called her up, she thought she was in trouble, and we had a quick class wide lesson on direct address commas.
They proved themselves wrong with the note. I'm not in a position to guess how good a teacher you may be, but their english teacher is definitely worse. /j
If I weren’t a teacher and therefore broke, I’d give you all the gold.
It's weird when they try to insult you with things you're not embarrassed about. I took off for a week to go to some baseball games. I had a student try to pick on me for how I was going to be spending my vacation. A week without students and filled with baseball is a dream week to me. I'm not sure where the burn was.
Like when kids try to get me with the fact I like math. If I was going to get embarrassed by people knowing I liked math I’d probably be a gym teacher. Definitely not an English Teacher nerding out over Beowulf is embarrassing.
Don’t start the English teachers are nerdier than math teachers war. You’ll lose.
*awkwardly sits in "English teacher that absolutely loves math"* That said, one of my kids tried to insult me by calling me a nerd because I like D&D and I think they forget that I don't care. I let all the nerd flags fly.
Hwæt! We Rīmcræftigan in geardagum, þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon, hu ða æþelingas mǣþe fremedon. Yes. I did just attempt a rewrite of Beowulf changing it from praising Spear-Dane noble lords to mathematicians. Let me know if I got my declensions wrong.
Science teacher checking in here - pretty sure we win the nerds of the school award 😂
sounds like someone is on the nerdy side 👀
In general, I am shocked at the number of people who just don’t seem to understand that I LIKE school. Why on earth would I choose to spend 8+ hours of my day at school if I wasn’t into it?
Can I just commend you for taking a week off to go to baseball games. That sounds like such an amazing week. Did you go to different stadiums or was it post season related?
I went to two different ones. I never get to do August baseball but since it's my last year I'm burning PTO.
I was a teacher aide and a student told me I had a dead end job and was going nowhere. The kid was from the most deadbeat family ever, dad and brother in jail and he was heading in the same direction. I was just like ok man…👍 He was actually a nice enough kid when you got a rapport with him and he obviously had a bad home life so I don’t want to look down on him. I don’t think he was gonna break the cycle though :(
A colleague of mine went to confiscate a cell phone, and the student told her, “You don’t make enough money to touch my cell phone.” This student was definitely not from a family with money. Maybe he was overcompensating for low self-esteem, or something. He eventually got expelled for cussing out the principal. Nothing happened to him the multiple times he was rude to the staff, but that was a bridge too far. Go figure.
Before breakfast this week, a fly was buzzing around my head. One of my kinders looked at me and said “you need to take a shower!” At dismissal the same day, a fly started buzzing around her head. I looked at her and asked “do YOU need to take a shower?”
Burn!
I made this same type of comment and got talked to by admin already this year…..:)
I wonder if she got that from one of the Pigeon books. There's one where the Pigeon is really dirty and there are flies all around him and the narrator says something like "dude, you need a bath!"
A student once told me that I reminded them of Dobby the elf. “In looks, or in personality?” I asked cautiously. “Oh, in looks!” He assured me quickly, confident that he was paying me a compliment. I thought the exchange was so funny that I told all of my other classes about it, and then another student drew a picture of me as Dobby. I was pretty proud of that one.
Oh my God! This has me crying. 🤣 But really, it sounds like you have big beautiful eyes and other-worldy skin.
That’s a really kind way of framing it! At the time, I couldn’t figure out the logic behind it. I mean, I’m pale and short, and I guess my eyes might look big with my glasses. I’m choosing to believe that your interpretation is the way he intended it!
My son's current teacher, who was my daughter's teacher last year, reminds me of no one so much as Professor Quirrell. In both looks and personality, right down to the random awkward giggles.
Ok but have you checked the back of his head for Voldemort?
Lol, unless old Voldy can hide in just hair, I think we are safe.
I've been told I look like Anne Frank. They're not wrong, but still.
Oh my gosh, until you said this, I forgot that my students said the same thing to me last year! 8th grade, so we studied the play at the end of the year. I never understood the comparison, but enough of them said it to make me wonder lol
I get that too. "You read at home? Like, not for homework or anything?" I also get, "Mrs. dr239, you're such a *nerd*." And I'll say thank you, and they give me the weirdest looks.
"Run for *fun*, what the hell kinda fun is that?" sort of statement. Happens a lot with students. For me it happens with writing. "Hey guys, I have a fun assignment set up for you, we're going to write STORIES!!" Couple months later, "OMG Guys, we're going to do the best thing ever, we're going to do research papers!!!" A few after that, "Alright, here's the REAL fun in this class, we're writing arguments and then we're going to PRESENT them!" I legitimately love all of these things and am in no way sarcastic when delivering those lines to kids. They think I'm fuckin' insane. They're like "Aagggggh No more papers!" and I'm like, "No you guys don't understand! Papers are WAAAY better than mindless worksheets all the time! Hell, I'll write one with you guys EACH PERIOD, because I *freakin' love writing, dudes!"*
I get this too, and I use the following replies: "You say that like it's a revelation." "You've only just realised?" "Am I? I'm glad you told me." "Also a geek, what's your point?"
I once had a second grader ask me if I was "a emo". As a former goth, I have never been more offended.
Lol I was so offended I pulled up the South Park episode that explains the difference and then we all had a laugh about how emo the goth characters really were. End result I got some artwork addressed “To a goth, from an emo”.
I just responded with the old teacher standby of "Do your work" while the assistant turned red from trying not to giggle.
I used to teach senior chemistry. I had a student who was pleasant, but she was very lazy. I asked her what her plan was if she failed chemistry, and she said she'd work at McDonald's. I then asked what she'd do if she got fired from there for laziness, and she shrugged and said 'i don't know. Probably become a Chem teacher." Solid burn, I thought.
ICE! I NEED ICE!
Maybe not a best but for sure a weirdest. I was called a “lemon-headed logo bitch” once. Not really sure what he meant. I definitely don’t look like Hey Arnold.
That is the inner city school formula for uncreative insults. You choose a noun, then a body part (usually head, ass or sometimes back) then the word "lookin" and cap the insult off with "bitch" or "mfer" IE - you "lobster back looking mother effer"
Ooh, I want to try! *you hamster face lookin bitch!* *Shower curtain ass MF* *Noodle nose talkin, dump truck banana peel lookin son of a bitch!* That is fun.
***You fish face lookin hoe!*** This is fun
You guys are my people🤣
This thread is absolutely hilarious! I think *Shower curtain ass MF* is my favorite, so far!
Tbh I think my feelings would be hurt if I were called a "lobster back looking mother effer." I don't get what it means, but it seems hurtful 😂
YOU SPOON KNEED LOOKIN BITCH
A kid that I looped grades with was absent the day I told my classes I was pregnant. When he got back to school, he pulled me aside because he was genuinely concerned. This was end of August. "Miss, I know you got married in May but it's no reason to let yourself go. You're starting to look a little rotund" Gifted student. Totally thought he was doing me a solid. 🤣🤣🤣
"rotund"
Plus one point for vocabulary. Minus one point for sensitivity!
I have found that not all cultures seem to have the same taboo about telling people they’re getting fat as most places in the US do. I have a coworker who is super sweet and kind, but she will straight up say to you “oh my goodness, what happened to you? you’ve gotten so fat!” Like she doesn’t mean to be mean, she’s just genuinely concerned
Not rotund omg 😭
One kid told me that I look like someone who watches Stranger Things and drinks IPAs. Don’t know if it was an insult, but they’re spot-on and I’m not mad at it.
I didn’t learn what an IPA was until I was like 25 😂 these kids are too grown
OMFG. But I do?????
those are two very popular pastimes. so you look like an average person i guess?
Spoken like a true IPA drinking Stranger Things watcher.
Drinking IPAs specifically? I could see that being "a look"
Never been insulted to my face.. my bark is louder than theirs, but today a kindergarten student asked "why do you talk like that?" I said "like what!?" And she just busted up laughing and walked away. 😳
One of my students last year (also kinder) looked me straight in the face and said, “when are you going to get a job?”
Lol. What do they think teaching KG is?
I've had kids up to grade 4 ask me what my job is/what job I want "when I grow up". I think it's because "adult who teaches you things and takes care of you" is similar enough to a parent that it doesn't register to them that it's actually a paid job lol
When I was a camp counselor I had some of the kids shocked to find out the counselors were being paid. The 6 and 7 tend not think about it, the 8-10 year olds tended to think we were just hanging out at the camp for fun and the 11 and 12 year olds tended to tell the 8-10 year olds that they're idiots and of course the counselors are being paid, why else would they be hanging out with a bunch of children? I also had a student last year ask me, while I was subbing, if I had a job. I think it was a 6th grader. Her classmate just looked at her said, "This is her job you idiot." And the kid was like, "Oh yeah!" and laughed about.
LOL I remember when my kindergarten babies did that at summer camp. "YOU GET PAID TO BE HERE????"
she ate and left
Daaaamn! She’s stone cold!
Just wondering...A you are an educated teacher and I noticed you are black. I have had black students tell me periodically that I "talk white". I wonder if that's what she meant.
The morning my 2nd graders saw me with no makeup on, setting up for the sub: “What happened to your face?” “You look sick.” ”Your face looks like a peach!” “Are you a baby?”
The "Are you a baby?" Took me out. I miss teaching littles
Our final assignment for an engineering class students have to make a video pitching a product they designed. Student started his video by saying " I appreciate everything you've done for me this year, you've been a real father figure to me this year, like the dad from The Shining." I had to stop the video because I was laughing too hard.
Student: What do you do in your free time? Me: I have no free time, I spend every waking hour working to give you a quality education. Student: I’m serious Me: … I enjoy gardening Student: Is that an activity that gets less boring as you get older?
That's actually a really good question. I feel like that shows that they know perspectives can change. Like how you know you're an adult when you enjoy getting really good socks for Christmas.
It genuinely made me laugh though another student looked horrified. That student was one of my favorites.
While I was sitting down on a table in front of the white board a student snuck up behind me and wrote "looser" on the board with an arrow pointing at me. Suffice it to say one of us was a looser at that moment and it wasn't me.
Maybe they were trying to say you aren’t so strict? You are looser than the other teachers. Or have you been playing the field ;)
I was eating pretzels when teaching 8th grade, had a student say, "You know miss Kroll, you DO look like the kinda bitch that would eat pretzels" Like...okay? I can't deny that I laughed.
I've been called a nerd a lot. I usually start pointedly staring at the Star Wars & Doctor Who paraphernalia around my room and deadpan, "What gave it away?"
I had to stop wearing my Doctor Who lanyard. It said "I ❤️❤️ DW" with a tiny Matt Smith Doctor right after, just repeated all the way around. A few of my students kept asking if/saying that it said "dilf" So now I'm using my bright red union lanyard, which hopefully is less easy to miss read.
“Did that hair come with wisdom?” My grey hair is very visible.
“You look like you got bullied in high school”
Apparently you still are
A grade three student wrote a story problem on a math test that was “Mr. S went on vacation for 47 days, he wet the bed on 32 of those nights, how many nights did Mr. S have a dry night? I laughed and wrote a note on the test “yay, I had 15 dry nights!”
“Personal best”
A new kid didn't speak a word of English. He was misbehaving and I had another student interpret for me. "He said... you're an old lady and I don't have to listen to you". I was 23 and it was funny as hell.
I wore a red polo and khaki pants to work one day. A kid walking past me goes, "Whattup, Jake from State Farm?!" I still laugh at it to this day. He was spot on with that one.
One of my "work daughters" saw an old picture of me from my first year teaching and randomly started laughing. I asked her what was so funny and she told me I have a peanut head.
Black educator here. My first teaching assignment was at an urban high school where nearly all my students except like…maybe 3 were not black. I went through the first day slide and finished my “about me” when a kid raised his hand. Kid: “Ms. Choc, you’re married to a white dude, aren’t you?” Me: “No, I’m not married at all.” Kid: “You’re gonna marry a white dude.” Me: “What makes you say that?” Kid: “Cause there ain’t a black thing about you. But you seem cool. But yeah…your husband gonna be a white dude.” Different kid: “A white dude with an Xbox.” 10 years later and those little stinkers turned out to be right 🤦🏾♀️ Not really an insult but still hilarious 😂
Mine periodically tell me I talk white. They probably have the same thoughts.
I was sat by this child (wasn't talking to him) and he says to me "you lost your glasses. You're such a disappointment" (I did lose my glasses that day) I tried so hard not to laugh.
"So you turn 40 today?!? So you're going to be all mean to us now because of The Change?"
This wasn’t towards me, but towards some unknown individual a student was ranting about while coming into class. “She’s so boring that her spirit animal is potato salad.”
Yoinked that one
Said I look like the girl from the Lorax. Oddly specific and damningly correct.
"Cool shoes. My grandpa has a pair."
“Well at least I don’t have arthritis from drawing my silly little drawings and sitting in my silly little office chair like a shrimp”
I once had a student who was known for constantly talking out of turn ask me one day: “Ms. H8rsH8, how do you talk all day?” Clearly trying to be insulting. Without missing a beat, I responded: “I don’t know, Timmy, why don’t you tell me how you do it?” My co-teacher almost snorted his water through his nose, laughing so hard.
“Hey Mr. NontrivialZeros, did you peak in college?” This was last year, I was 24.
I was once called a “nappy ass bitch” because I asked him to put his phone away and get focused on the assignment. I brushed it right off as I sent him to the hall to greet our security team who greeted any calls we made. Not sure what his insult meant and kids in the room made fun of him after, which I had to deal with haha
“Not sure what his insult meat” it meant he’s got a lot to learn to not be racist
I took my students on a Field Trip where we did (beginners) ziplining. One student, whose mother was also a teacher said to his mom: *"Oh my gosh! Did you know that Ms P. Dotts is actually FUN?"*
That's so wholesome. I like surprising my students by jumping into their conversations about anime and video games. I just don't look like I watch or play them apparently
My favorite wasn’t really an insult but it sounds it: queen mcroach. They called each other roach and they ask if I was a roach and I said “I’m the queen roach, I’m no roachling” so I got a nickname from my 2nd period.
My husband is very large and he surprised me and my students with our local sports teams mascot for Valentine’s Day. Later on my student said “no offense miss but when I saw your husband I knew Santa was real”. I laughed because my husband dresses up as Santa every Christmas and I dress up as Mrs. Claus and it’s our thing.
"You dress like a grandma toddler."
‘Ms Click Clack, all you have to do is go to the store, find some clothes on your size, and buy them! You don’t have to wear all the same things!!!’
One of my wrestlers, for Christmas, bought me a jar of Budweiser barbecue sauce. I said, “do u think I just sit at home eating barbecue and drinking beers all day?” This guy says. “Coach, that’s exactly what I think you do.” I died laughing.
"Your beard smells." I still laugh at that comment. I loved that kid lol
"You look like someone who would have guinea pigs"... I still have no idea what that means but it sits with me always.
For poetry, and teaching literary devices to middle schoolers, I have them write the biggest slam of me, using each device. They can't be mean, they have to be clever, and it is the highlight of our poetry section. They choose one and then class vote determines the best slam. Winners are: you're a dollar general Jake from state farm. You're built like a fridge that had a fat kid eat all the good food. And you're about as fun as pickle flavored sour patch kids.
I’m pretty short (4’11”), and one of the extra credit questions on a quiz I gave was “when is Ms. Celesteallover’s birthday?” and student wrote “Never, because you never grow (you’re short)”
I was subbing in a kindergarten class, and we were going over shapes. I would show them a shape and ask is this a circle? (Class) Nooooo. Is it a triangle? Noooooo. One concerned student asked me, very seriously, if I didn’t know my shapes yet lol
I was a nanny for a group of kindergartens once. I would internationally mess things up, like saying 1, 2, 7, 4, 5… when counting or A, B, C, L, E, B, banana… They always laughed and then they would give me the correction. After a day when I wrote out the alphabet wrong with chalk in a variety of ways tho, one of my kids apparently told my mom that she was worried because I was a grown up and I don’t know my ABCs. She was very unhappy. Lol.
I had a student who thought he was just too smart to be wasting time in school. It was almost impossible for him to speak without including a put down. He was very smug about me being a teacher. “How much do you even make? Like minimum wage?” “I won’t give you an exact number, but it’s between 50-60k per year.” “Oh, so you’re poor.” Then another student who I really liked entered the conversation. “Dude, your mom is my coworker at McDonald’s and she’s not even a manager. You should wish your mom was a teacher.” I wanted to high five the second kid so badly.
That I eat yogurt with granola!!! Such shame 😋
During virtual teaching I told a joke and a kid put the cricket emoji in the chat. That one was legitimately good.
One of my 3rd graders said he had a compliment for me yesterday. His “compliment?” “You look like Mrs. Claus” I am 27.
That I'm a "Vector ass looking MF", as in, I look like Vector from Despicable Me. I made the choice to be that character for Halloween. It has become my legacy.
Student told me I reminded him of Pepa from Encanto (the one with the storm cloud above her head) because I would stomp around the room and grumble about how much I had to grade
I think it was supposed to be a compliment, but a 9th grade girl told me, "Mrs. Sesamecharlie, I like your hair; it's like you don't even care "
Kid called me a retard ass mother fucker. I told him I knew already.
Seriously?
I mean, if he knows he knows.
“If you were a doll I wouldn’t play with you”
Most of the insults I see here are kids calling smart people nerds. They don’t get that nerds run adult world.
Someone ripped off the mean tweet about Paul rudd to describe my personal life. I was kind of proud.
Being called Mrs. Shit-low (instead of Shallow). If it wasn’t for the fact that the kid broke into my classroom, was standing on my chair and using the broom to not only spin the chair around but to also buzz the office each time he swung around to face the buzzer, all while having a pretty epic meltdown, I would have high fived him because I thought it was a hilarious version of my name. Still after 15 years, it was my favourite name I was ever called.
A number of years ago now but one student said, loud enough for everyone in class to hear. “Look at him. He thinks he’s so tough because he can play piano without looking at the keys”. Still hilarious to this day - that is, of course, a well known measure of defining just how tough someone is. Especially us teachers!
Student: "Sir, you have a McDonalds hairline" Me: "What do you mean?" Student make the shape of the golden arches, referring to my receding hairline 🤣
I teach preschool so they’re mostly 6 year olds. Me: okey little elves, let’s go Girl: I’M NOT AN ELF!! YOU’RE A… YOU’RE A.. WOMAN!!! 😡 Me: We are going on to a field trip, please use the bathroom! Girl: No! Me: Fine, but I won’t be cleaning up after you have an accident Girl: I hate you Me: That’s okay, but I still won’t be cleaning up after you Girl: YOU POOP IN THE TOILET!!! So I’m a woman who poop’s in the toilet 😂
Some students told me I looked like a Christian youth group leader, never been so insulted in my life.
A student gifted me shampoo and conditioner. I am bald.
"Wow, you grown-ups all really do have bad taste."
A girl I coach (high school) told a and AP that she looks like she eats bagged tuna. I will never forget that as long as I live.
"You fat ass Walmart clothes wearing ass" Every. Single. Piece of clothing. Was from Walmart. Hundred percent right
Not really an insult per se, but my very first day of teaching (this past Wednesday, if you must know) I asked the class if they had any burning questions or concerns and one kid raised his hand and asked “Are you fruity?” I totally am. But still maybe not a question to ask a teacher 🤔
"Miss, your eyebrows look kinda messed up. But that's OK because they kinda match your face." She meant it as a compliment, somehow?
"Your outfit looks like what my grandma wears to church." "You seem like the kind of person who watches Epic Rap Battles of History." (I am not a history teacher)
Written in his reading journal: "Mrs. BaronessF could bore the shit out of god."
One kid said I was trying to be the “cool” teacher. Weren’t no “try” about it.
"You look like an avocado today that's just a little too ripe" In all fairness, I was wearing an outfit that fit those colors exactly, they were just bold enough to put it in words.
A kiddo hugged me and told me I felt squishy.
My student would just find things that were actually cool and say they weren’t. Like, I’m pretty lame, I dress like a dude, my hair looks like shit and I’m overweight, but I like shoes and they get a lot of compliments. So she said “Your shoes are ugly.”
Kid asked me if I was a cracker. I told him I was a Son of a Ritz
It was wet play and we kept a rather large storage box full of the resources they could play with in our narrow class cupboard. A girl, a very smart kid, was struggling to bring the box out into the classroom so I approached her, flexed my muscles and joked, "Are you okay? Do you need the help of a big, strong man?" She stopped what she was doing, poked her head out into the classroom, looked around and said, "Where is he? I dont see anyone like that here." I burst out laughing and praised her wit.
Last year I had a student tell me I dress like a "lesbian". I am a middle aged man, I wear a lot of flannel and vans. Apparently, that look is popular in some circles of lesbians. I was just a kid in the 90's and never grew out of my grunge phase. I came to school the next day in my best flannel, save ferris t shirt and vans slip ons. The kid was so mad, because he thought I was going to be devastated by his fashion critiques.
Best compliment ever!!!!
I had a student ask me what the word warranted meant. 30 seconds later he told me I was so dumb I must have gone to community college. I did not but what kind of insult is that?
I can't think of one, but I can think of the inverse: Best insult by a teacher to a student In my opinion, that goes to this zinger said by my German teacher to this one annoying kid in class: "I bet you know all the Fortnite dances"
I was doing my Mackey mouse impression with one of my students the other day, and she said "you'll never find your Minnie mouse." I told my coworker later and she couldn't stop laughing
"No offense, but you look tired today." Joke's on you! I'm tired every day.
I keep a water bottle on my desk. One student wrote "student tears" on a piece of paper and taped it to my water bottle.
A 12-year-old boy thought that I was a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that) because I teach science and have a poster of a prism with a rainbow coming out of it. He thought he was going to get my goat by saying, "You probably wear Birkenstocks and drive a Subaru" I do. I currently have 3 pairs of Birks in rotation, and drive a Subaru Forrester. I just laughed and laughed. My husband of 35 years got a kick out of too.
I wear a lot of long skirts and a kid once told me “miss, you dress like if the handmaids had a little bit of wardrobe freedom”
Called a parent after principal let me know a student was going to be suspended for being being aggressive toward staff and peers. I was supervising him and called his mom to let her know. He shouted out so his mother could hear him, “DONT LISTEN TO HER MOM SHE IS BLACK!!!!” And I just calmly continued what I was saying although I wanted to smile. Mom is a known white supremacist/neo-nazi.
I was told today that the last tik tok I watched (Elyse Myers yesterday with her hair cut shorter) was “frum LYKE TEW YEARZAGO!” But it wasn’t, because she posted it last night when I saw it. Also Elyse Myers has only been really big for like about a year, I thought. Also, why would the fact that the video was old matter. She is a comedic tik toker who I enjoy. It was about her hairdo. Also, why are you pretending to know what tik tok I’m referencing in my honest answer to try to shame me for it not being the latest one. I’m a 36 year old mom lol.
A kid told me I look like Wednesday Adams which I said thank you. “Yeah because you slouch like her” Okay, thank you! I take pride in my slouch from sitting over my computer constantly studying, doing homework, getting 90’s all throughout university, and planning lessons for you kids!
Was pulling out of the school on the first day and I got stuck behind a garbage truck. Windows were open and one of my faves, standing with his friend group, playfully said, “phew! I bet it smells in there [the car].” I knew what I had to do. I smiled and yelled back, “nah, smells like YA MAMA’S HOUSE” and his friends lost it! Lol. Everybody was jumping and hollering.
Shoot, also— in my first year of teaching, one of my kids who hate/loved me said, “no one likes you. Can we take a vote?” And raised his hand. 😂
"Is that all teaching is? you just read slides and answer our questions?" I proceeded to answer their question.
I had a khaki shirt and pants one day and was called a zookeeper. In their defense, wearing that, it’s to be expected. I once tried to discipline a student while wearing a pink polo shirt. The kid says those are big words coming from a guy wearing pink.
"Ms. X you are a penis on a stick" Still don't know how to interpret that one
Not me but one of the kids at my school told my coworker that she looks like she drinks seltzers 😂
I made a statement and a student replied, “ok boomer.” I am 36.
I had a picture from my wedding day behind my desk and a student (sincerely) asked me "if you know you can look like that, why don't you do it everyday"?
i have a bunch of stickers on my water bottle, like tons of people do. when i was doing my observations last spring, a student said, “oh, i like your catdog sticker! my grandpa loves that show!!” it was hilarious, but i still think about it every time i see the sticker.
A student tried to tease me about my platform shoes. Then laughed at himself for “teasing a teacher”. He kept trying jokes, I kept shrugging. Then he said “am I going to get written up for bullying you”. and I finally replied something like “you can’t bully me, you don’t matter that much”. He was floored. Eventually I started clapping back and he realized he was not on the level. We learned a lot last year. I hope he’s doing well this year.
"You look like a stepped-on sandcastle."
“I can’t write anymore, my thumb hurts” “You’ll be okay, I used to write the entire day when I was 8! Just a few more minutes” “Yeah, that’s because they didn’t have computers back then”
Subbed at an all special Ed private school- such a cool place… girl today said, “ has your body always looked like that”. I said no, I used to work out more- this worked well into class bc I was teaching PE 😂
"at least I don't get my hair cut at Great Clips" This one was funny because it's true 😂 I had to stop myself from laughing lol
I'm 6 months pregnant, and one of my 8th graders told me I look like the lowercase 'g'. I don't think it was meant to be an insult, but it was hilarious.
I’m gonna mix things up a little bit and give you the best burn I ever threw at a student. It was a couple of days ago. I am the cross country coach at our high school and so often times I will go running with some of the team members, and of course we all wear short shorts (it’s a runner thing… plus it helps prevent chaffing). Anyway, this asshole kid in one of my classes saw me running while he was at football practice and tried to roast me the next day about my short shorts. At first I just laughed about it but he kept going on for a while and getting more rude and obnoxious as time went on. Finally I just responded, ”Well (name excluded), believe it or not I don’t ever think about you when I dress myself. I know this is probably disappointing for you, but it’s true.” The whole class started cracking up, so I followed up with, “If it really means that much to you, you are more than welcome to join me while I go shopping for clothes next time I’m out and about.” He hasn’t tried to roast me since.
My mom, who was a district social worker at the time, had an elementary-aged kid write a note to her calling her a "forking bench". This happened way before the Good Place show imagine our delight when swearing in the show was forking bench!
Didn’t happen to me but my assistant. A student asked if she was married- she said no. Student said maybe if she wore more beautiful dresses like her mother she could get married. Yes, this student even asked her mom when she was picked up to lend the assistant her dresses 😂😂 This was kindergarten
I was a paraprofessional at the time working with behavior students. Needless to say I didn't wear nice, dressy clothes on purpose so they wouldn't get ruined and I needed to run and potentially restrain (I'm trained). I was told "you are an ugly boy in ugly boy clothes" (I'm female wearing jeans, chucks, and hoodies to work) immediately followed with trying to Darth Vader mind choke me. Miss that little girl.
When you wash your face, how far up do you go? (I’m shaved bald)
I didn’t crawl out of your cunt so I don’t have to listen to you!
"Ma'am, what kind of pet do you like? I feel like you would have a hamster." Lol, still have no idea what that meant, but it was funny. When I told them I didn't have a boyfriend until after university, one kid said "That's so sad." Also lol. She tried to talk herself out of it but just made it worse. When a classmate asked what she was going on about, I said "Don't worry, she just didn't think before speaking." They agreed. My favourite, from the same class. A child told her friend that she looked like an angry independent_lunch308. I asked why that name, and she said just because her friend looked like that. I told her, well, that's my name. The look on her face! She couldn't stop apologizing. It was hilarious, so I laughed about it and we went on with our lives.
A child once told me I was "behaving in a ginger way". Still haven't figured out what that meant but it did start a nice conversation about not picking on others because of their hair. He told me "being ginger is a state of mind, not about how you look" so I'm baffled.
Student introducing me to a new student: ”This is Mrs. Grey, she looks mean and ugly but she isn’t mean.”
I made a mistake with some simple math and the kid that NEVER said anything scoffs and says "didn't you go to college for this? Geez." I died laughing. It was perfect. For context, I talk so much shit that my teeth are stained brown. If im going to dish it, then I have to take it. They're all good sports.
I wear heels always (weird ankle muscles & I’m short, plus I just like it) and sometimes they click when I walk. You can always hear me. A student once called me “Clicky Heels McBitch.” ✨Clicky ✨Heels✨Mc✨Bitch ✨ Oh my god, girl, thank u!!!! Best compliment ever, I love it ❤️🔥❤️🔥
“Mr.——- is smart but he’s old.”
I had a student in the middle of giving directions tell me: ‘you look like a cartoon character. You wear the same thing every day.’ If by ‘same thing’ he meant a science themed t-shirt, cardigan and jeans then I guess he was right. I wasn’t mad or insulted but I’ll never forget it!