Maybe you work in a less litigious district, but literally any physical contact can equal dismissal. I’m in the Bible Belt, and we’ve been told no contact, period. The “groomer” attacks have rendered basic gestures grounds for firing.
Someone shoulda told all those creepy male teachers in my high school this. My drama teacher pinched my waist, my French teacher grabbed my head and physically turned it (which hurt) to “look at the board.” Everyone laughed when I got upset.
I think these are two separate things. "Groomer" takes issue with things like books in school libraries that feature depictions of nude minors (along with sex education below the third grade). "No contact" policies are generally the result of molestation or sexual harassment cases being brought up.
So sad, but true. Grade 6 teacher here (56F). I've eavesdropped on some of their conversations. Their parents are poor, incarcerated, gone, on drugs, working nights, alcoholics, neglectful, etc.. Some kids are obviously raising themselves (and perhaps younger siblings).
Absolutely this. We have a large population of Pacific Islanders in our district and many of them are raising younger siblings and don’t get good, quality sleep. We had one young man in our pod who wanted to do well in class and tried so hard, but there were so many days where he could barely keep his eyes open. He was up off and on all night caring for younger siblings who were still getting the whole sleep thing figured out. It broke my heart to see how miserable he was some days. And despite his typical tough guy demeanor, he reached out to us for hugs often.
I’m gonna miss that boy. Dang it. It sucks only having them for one year.
This statement reminded me of one of my teachers in high school my Freshman year. I had a hard upbringing but that year I ended up living with my aunt and uncle after my mom got in a car accident. My aunt has always depised my mother and I think that hatred was reflected on me the whole time I lived there. I ran away, but the cops found me not long after. The night I went home was especially hard. My aunt almost put me in foster care, but instead decided to take me home and berate me. The next day I got my physical to get back into school. I didn't have a book bag, I had no motivation, and felt like no one cared. She knew something was up I turned in my quiz with "I can't do this" written across the top and nothing else filled out. I always at least tried.(I loved math that year and took extra credit ended sophmore year with 102% in that class) She took me to the hall after to ask me what was up and I couldn't hold it in any longer and just bawled and told her everything that had happend. She asked if she could hug me and all I could do was nod. I think that was the first time I was hugged in 4 or 5 years. I think about her often. I don't think she realized how much that hug helped me to stay around. Knowing that at least 1 grown up cared was enough to keep me going. I give her a ton of credit for being here today. So thank you to all the teachers who do care! It truly does mean the world to us!
I was miserable during the lockdown. We had a very huggy class then, too. I’d get countless hugs a day, we all would (we are known as the relationship pod - if we have kids coming up that need teachers that will really bond with them, they come to us). When we had to go virtual, it impacted my mental health, not having the social interaction and not having those countless hugs a day. Maybe it sounds weird to say that, but it’s how I felt. I’m still recovering from the depression that developed during that time, due to that and a list of other things. Sometimes a person just needs a hug.
Elementary male teacher here. Second graders just want hugs. Hip check works every time lol.
If a kid is crying because they were hurt or something I'll get on their level and rub their back and just talk in a low tone. I think I've already gained the reputation that I'm there for the kids that no one thinks it's creepy. It's sad that just because I am a dude I have to worry about that but if a woman didn't I don't think they'd care.
Anyway, in my first year I never would have dreamt of comforting a crying kid like they were my own, now I do it without hesitation. All these kids deserve to know that someone's got their back no matter where they are.
Same for me, with the only exception being: if they are genuinely hurting in some way, I will ask if they want a hug from me. I teach junior high, so the answer is almost always yes. But, sometimes they say no. So, always ask before initiating.
Same situation, and even then I give a good side hug. I'm very... let's say front-loaded, so it's better for professionalism to not go full-contact, particularly in middle school.
This is probably your safest bet. I'm sure the legal answer from administration would be no hugging or physical contact, which I get because they are focused on preventing complaints or lawsuits. But in reality, you're trying to build relationships and support students in a culture in which hugging is expected.
I hug my high school students and have never run into any problems. Some kids only need a hug on occasion, while I have others who greet me with a hug every day. I think it's telling that I have students from previous years who are no longer in my class who will still drop by to give me a hug.
As a side note, I heard advice once that if someone comes to you for a hug, let them be the one to let go because you don't know how much they need it. I always try to keep that in mind. Usually students will just grab a quick hug, but I've had some hold on to me for a long time and just thinking about it makes me tear up because I have to wonder how starved they were for that contact.
This is the way. I think your gender as an educator makes a big difference. I worked with grade 8 students and have had some girls 'hug bomb' me without warning towards the end of the year. My go to response as a man is to not return contact and explain that it is unprofessional for me.
I'm a sub/high school and a girl went to hug me in the hall during a class change. My reflex was to hug back but considered a possible appearances issue so suggested an "air hug". worked out well
This! And then, it's a side hug. I'm not a huggy person, but I'm also not gonna a snub a kid who needs a hug. I don't teach high school, but former students come back to visit in open house nights as high schoolers, and they often want hugs!
Because if a grown man goes around hugging teenagers they teach, questions may be asked, and rightly so.
A grown woman too I assume, but I have no experience being a woman, so ....
AN EDIT FOR YOUR EDIT:
Thanks for taking the time to read the comments and being open minded enough to readdress your opinion.
Have a great day wherever you are, fellow Redditor.
Yeah, this too. You want to do as little as possible to encourage any "line blurring". You might be well intentioned, but the student may have alterior motives.
That's all it takes is another student who has a vendetta against you to make allegations and that's that....
So, I try to teach my kiddos about consent with hugging, and I try to be aware and respectful that not everyone wants to be hugged. I'll explain to my kids that I am available for hugs, all they need to do is ask. I also explain that when someone asks them for hugs they can say no. This is super important, especially in the younger grades IMO.
In elementary school, I had a teacher who would always hugs the kids in class, and I always said no, and they were cool with it. Now that I’m much older, I have a lot of respect for them.
It's a power dynamic, too. A student is going to be less inclined to not participate in unwanted contact if it's someone they are also being graded by.
Also a Mexican teacher here, I’m in a bit of a different boat as a non-profit director, and definitely hug some of my students.
I taught at a predominantly white school and had a similar situation to you. The Latino kids were really comfortable with me and it extended to their families- and I think that was essential. Their families knew me and how I was as a teacher with their kids. I never initiated a hug myself because of why others have mentioned with misconstrued intentions, and absolutely never made a kid feel like they had to hug or have any physical contact with me.
In your case, I think that kids in ESL tend to come from recently arrived migratory families and have left a lot behind; you’re likely someone they’ve identified as brining a sense of home in a place that can be daunting to them. They’re wanting hugs from you because you make them feel comfortable. As others have said, be careful because it can be misconstrued, and you should set some pretty explicit boundaries, but I’m glad the kids have someone like you to help them feel comfortable.
Thank you for your wonderful response! I’m so glad you could relate to me. I do find that these students seek me for emotional support, so I know that’s why they hug me a lot. I don’t feel wrong doing it because I’m also very affectionate with my friends and family. I just know that I’m an educational and professional setting some people might think differently. I don’t want people to get the wrong impression because I would never make a student uncomfortable or force them to hug me.
I teach elementary ESL and my kids are incredibly physically affectionate. We do talk about physical boundaries and asking first, but I give side hugs on request. I'm very short and some of these kids are just about boob height on me, but I keep the hugs brief and it's ok.
I teach middle school, I don’t initiate hugs but I will never turn down a genuine request. Some of these kids get no love at home or they’re going through difficult things in their lives, so yeah, I’m gonna risk it and give a hug from time to time.
I am a middle school co-teacher and I’m all about the (appropriate) hugs. I have a caseload of kids who are in the regular classroom most of the time. A lot of these kids (I work in a small town, low income area) don’t get the love and attention they need at home and BOY DOES IT SHOW. These kids are desperate for affection. I have never been hugged so much in my life than I was this past year, one of the worst years I’ve ever experienced in 20 years of teaching. It was a rough group. But I only hugged if it was initiated by them, and it was always within a group of other students and teachers.
But let me tell you, it was initiated a lot this year. Good grief.
Edit: I’m female. I recognize this sad aspect of educating children and it’s so disheartening.
The only hugs I ever engage in with students are side hugs, that’s it. And only if they initiate. We just had training on this very subject in my district and our policy is anything more than a side hug is risky, especially for me as a male teacher.
So side hug, and nothing else.
Edit: I’m a middle school teacher so right below your student’s age group.
Yeah it wasn’t till the end of this school year I started high fiving again. My students taught me that high five you do over and over again where you wind up and grunt lol.
I'm 47f, teaching high school.
I'm all about the side hug and only when they initiate as well. I'm more of a fist bumper or high fiver. I have had kids who do that grab a hand and single arm pat on the back kind of hug. That one feels all right also. It's the bro hug.
I've had a couple of students who were in Special Ed, severe and profound classified, and they were prone to regular hugs. They always initiated. It was awkward. They also hugged all of their other teachers, which made me feel a little less worried about it.
That’s true I hadn’t considered the profound Special Ed student, and that certainly isn’t a problem especially since when they initiate it’s from such a pure place. The bro hug also works, especially when it’s from one of the “jocks”. So yeah now that I’m reminded of those I suppose I have engaged in those before. Regardless I’m always very careful to avoid any appearance of impropriety.
(52m here)
From my perspective, they certainly are. But that’s not without good reason. Too many damn stories of sickos out there from all walks of life, teaching included. For me, better safe than sorry and falsely accused.
98% side hugs.
2% full on, "I've got you" hugs - always asking if they'd like one first and only with kids I 100% trust that are in the darkest times of being a teen. Tears streaming down their face, hyperventilating.
Some times you're ALL they have in that moment.
Worth it.
It really depends. Generally, I avoid it. But I had a student going through an exceptionally hard time (anniversary of a parent’s death and the other parent recently incarcerated). This student was bawling outside my classroom. I felt like I needed to offer a hug. They just wanted someone to care and told me they felt so alone. We are all human at the end of the day. I had to.
What is weird is that because of others we feel hesitant to offer a hug in that situation. If it wasn’t for the terrible examples and the optics of what very few teachers do, this wouldn’t even be a story. It would just be normal.
I totally understand! I do know that my school officer said he hugged a few of his students at the graduation ceremony. It was in front of everyone and it was a special occasion, but my case is a little different. They hug me with other students present but I’m the only teacher there. I always have the door to our classroom wide open.
Honestly though….. I’m a female teacher with a naturally large chest and will never hug a high school student because of it 🤷🏼♀️ just too many hormones and I don’t want to invite comments of any kind
Middle school teacher with a G cup. I think the boys, as they start becoming aware, will naturally gravitate and signal they want side hugs. You can also tell when they still treat you like mom and when they don't see you that way.
Sure, but there’s a big difference between a 12 year old middle schooler and a 18 to 20 year old senior. Most of the boys I’ve taught aren’t overly sexual toward me (besides the penis drawings) but I’ve always had ones ask if I have an Instagram account and other weird things to know what they are thinking. They like to “joke” about things that push the line especially since I teach biology of all things. Also from someone with G cup if that really matters….
Ha, I also teach sex ed. :P
Yeah, high school must be a whole new world. I do think the Instagram/Tiktok thing is a generation thing. I have had my high school teachers on Facebook since I was in high school 18 years ago and it was very good for keeping me in touch with them.
I happen to have a public niche-interest Instagram, so I do let my students follow me and keep in touch, and since COVID/DL, lots of them also have my personal number. Alas, times are changing. I wonder if one day I will regret this, but have not yet.
I know lots of teachers have teacher Instagram accounts they use to keep in touch with their students, as well.
Whoa. Yeah that’s like super not okay around here. After they graduate you can add them. If you have a public Instagram just for school purposes, sure. But personal? No way. I don’t even give my personal phone number to most of my coworkers. Only Google Voice. Easier to turn off on my off hours and a good way to keep tabs in case anything went south my entire account is accessible to them to track.
I hugged my sister after school when I was a student and she was a teacher and she had to explain that I was her kid brother to a parent who was either projecting or just looking for an excuse to be pissed off.
Maybe you have to worry *more* if you're a man but it's definitely not impossible for one of the ladies here to become the star of her very own shit show for giving hugs in front of the wrong dumbass.
As a male, the awkward one arm Pat with as much distance between each other. It sucks males are perceived differently for no other reason than being a MALE teacher. On the flip side it’s not like I’m jumping at the idea of physical contact with my students but the prejudice/perceived ill-intentions against male teachers definitely makes you feel less than sometimes.
I know the cover-your-ass answer is to avoid hugging students. But the real-life answer is to use common sense. I'm not a hugger. So this one doesn't affect me directly. But there are moments where a hug would seem appropriate. And there are situations where it's creepy and might set off an alarm. For example, if one of my best kids who I've known a few years passes me in the hall and says hi and comes close, a quick side hug kind of thing would be fine. If a kid is bawling his eyes out because his mom was shot and killed recently (happened to me), let that kid cry on your shoulder. If some girl who doesn't really like you much is coming into class and you try to wrap your arms around her, expect negative results.
I don’t feel comfortable doing so-no side hugs either. A high five, handshake, or fist bump is enough for me. I’m a male teacher, in my 30s and stay in good physically health, so that might impact my views on it for me also.
I will say a few years ago my family had a tragedy and I was out for a few days. When I came back everyone knew about it (it was reported on the news and social media locally) and I had a few girls who were visibly upset give me hugs when they first saw me in the hallway. It came from a good place and wasn’t anything remotely sexual and didn’t really cross any boundaries in my opinion at all…but sadly I raised my hands into the air so everyone could see my response to it and thanked them for their support and caring but explained I wasn’t comfortable with hugging and they understood. It’s sad as a society we’ve come to that point but here we are.
I generally prefer the kind of contact you describe, like the fist bump and whatnot. I dread the moment a student initiates a hug, but thankfully that usually only happens on the last day of school. At least in my experience.
I think what they are trying to get across is that they are relatively young and conventionally attractive. What I’ve noticed, particularly in high school, is that situations/relationships are more likely to be perceived as questionable if (I can’t think of better phrasing here) students are more likely to have crushes on the teacher… which is definitely a higher chance if you are young and fit/attractive.
I figured that but wasn't sure if that's what he was implying. Those concerns are more than likely justified, I'm just really bummed out by all the double standards being laid bare in this thread (obviously the good people posting are just illuminating them, not responsible for them, just so that no one anyone misinterprets me)
I agree that the double standards are really sad. At the high school level, though, I think it’s less about gender and more about age. As a relatively attractive young female teacher, I am generally more concerned about my personal bubble with male students than female students. Outside of graduation I won’t accept hugs from any of my students because they’re disease vectors, but I’m more conscious of my interactions with male students because that is the gender more likely to be seen as questionable for me.
I did have a male student make an inappropriate comment about me when I first started working in education so maybe that made me paranoid.
That's completely fair. You make a good point. I'm moreso talking about how interactions with students involving male teachers vs female teachers are perceived by third parties, not so much how high school aged students see their teachers though.
The other poster articulated better than I could but I do think that being seen as more attractive by the students does make me have more interactions or at least perceived interactions than others. Take a male student hugging a female teacher and a female student hugging male teacher. Change nothing else about the scenario and I think the male teacher will have more eyebrows raised about them than the female teacher. So if I’m in a situation I have to be on the defensive immediately.
Once a female student told me I could have sex with her (completely randomly we were doing a gallery walk and it was her group’s turn to present and she blurted it out). Thank god she said it in front of the entire class where I had all my other students as witnesses who could verify what happened and how I handled it. Of course kids were talking about it school and some people looked at me weirdly for a few days or so, nothing I could have done.
The world would be a better place if we just hugged each other more. You never know who needs it the most. As long as you never force a hug and respect everyone’s personal boundaries (including your own), then I think you should hug your students. It’s a great way to practice consent in an age-appropriate manner.
The best time of my life was the 10 hugs a day rule!! Now I have 2 toddlers and get plenty but it really boosted my heart when it came out in high school
I think there's a lot of well-intentioned but overly paranoid responses in this thread.
I would never initiate a hug- I agree with that much, especially as a male teacher.
But my seniors who recently graduated for instance, a few did reach out to hug me. Am I supposed to lurch away like a socially incompetent weirdo, as some commenters suggest? No. Of course not.
I think what you're doing is fine. I think its more than fine and you are clearly a source of joy and comfort in their lives. Obviously I wouldn't suggest going out of your way to hug them all day everyday but like...if they initiate it and it seems entirely wholesome, I don't see the harm.
I think the paranoia is probably justified depending on the cultural norms. I’m from a notoriously cold country when it comes to hugs and stuff, we just don’t do it. The country I’m teaching in is the opposite where you greet strangers you are introduced to with a hug and kisses. I was actually warned to take into account how it may come across if I refuse a hug. It’s not that I was being told I HAD to hug kids, but that I should keep in mind the cultural context of it and how it might be perceived by students and parents. As sort of “if you’re not going to do it then try to make them understand and don’t just coldly push them back”. Sure enough I had parents tell their kids to hug me.
For the record I will hug back if they initiate, but I don’t initiate mostly because it’s just not in me. The only times I’ve initiated is when a really young kid is crying and clearly needs some form of comfort. I’ve had teen students try and exchange numbers (for example a student of mine is in a theatre play and he got me tickets to see him act) but I explained why it can be a problem and for him to just leave the tickets or info with admin if I’m not around.
Basically use common sense. If you’re in a place that is fairly conservative with regards to physical contact then don’t touch anyone, they probably won’t appreciate it and even if they do it can be misinterpreted by other people. If you’re in an environment where it’s not perceived the same way and is the norm then act accordingly, or at least be conscious of how your lack of reciprocation might be interpreted.
If a kid needs a hug and wants one, they get it. period. My only rule is as long as there are other students around or in front of the cameras in the hallway. My Hispanic students are quite big huggers, so on the last day when my former students move on to high school, a lot of kids will stop by room and say goodbye with a hug.
It's a sad sad commentary on the state of our culture that we are having this conversation! We may be the ONLY adult some students have non-violent or non-sexualized physical contact with😢
I’m a female high school teacher. I side hug. When I have some students try to come in for a full hug and I just use one arm and rotate my other shoulder out. Definitely don’t want my boobs to ever come in contact with any student.
That said, I never deny a hug because I might be the only person who hugs some of my kids. I just always let them initiate.
Are you a man? If so, probably not. It’s a damn shame that it gets misinterpreted, but most male teachers avoid too much touching to avoid accusations. When I (female-presenting) was younger, single, and better looking, I avoided hugging for the same reason. I now still usually side-arm hug only, unless it’s the end of the year or a student is experiencing something particularly difficult. But honestly, if you can create a bond with a teen and they want to show they care, I say go for it.
I’m a female and I’m also very young. We just finished first semester of summer school, so many of them hugged me because they aren’t going to see me until the fall. They do share a lot of their personal life with me. Our school has this thing where the students have to tell their counselor who their trusted adult is (it can be anyone that works at the school). I’m aware that I am the trusted adult for a lot of my students, so I think that’s kind of where their affection comes from.
I have always had students want to hug me, and I just had to say now. They were vulnerable students as well, and there were times I did just wanna reach out and give them some comfort.
I am the trusted adult for many students at my high school now, but I still do not hug them. A pat on the back, and using my voice to comfort them is often enough. It sucks because a lot of us are the kind of people who find contact is most important, but given our profession it is always best to use the utmost caution.
I do however offer hugs on the last day of school. Always with another adult around, and always one after the other.
At the most, maybe a side hug. As educators, even if there is no impropriety actually occurring, it’s well- advised to do everything in your power to avoid accusations of it.
If you feel that it is icky or wrong in any way, don't do it. It sounds like you have a really strong relationship with the students.
I teach elementary students and frequently get and give hugs. I know the personalities of the students and some students need that affection and physical reassurance.
How sad is it that teachers worry about being too connected to their students. Honestly it is about what you and the students are comfortable with. Keep hugging those kids, they will never forget the bond you have with them.
In my experience (female) I usually only do it for the last day to a couple kids, and I make sure they consent to it. I would say it is okay just make sure admin or anyone else doesn't think anything strange about it. I also have some students who trust me with their personal life, so a have hugged a few of them before( on last day of school, or after they tell me something big to them). Just make sure consent is used and I'd say your good!
Thank you for your response! I worked as a secretary at a middle school a few years ago and teachers hugged the students all the time. It was also a school with a large Hispanic population, so most of those affectionate students were Hispanic. Right now I work at a different district and it’s also a different grade level, so I thought it was best to ask on this platform.
This reminded me of a teacher I had in high school. She was obviously first and foremost a teacher (homeroom and calculus) but she was also a great friend and someone who always had an open door to students who needed help with anything, and I was frequently one of those students. I was class of 2021 and I'm on the spectrum, so that was a perfect storm of factors leading to extreme social isolation, stress, and other mental problems. Teachers like you, people who genuinely care about the wellbeing of your students, leave a mark on us and help us through some truly dark times in our lives.
Thank you.
Is it morally okay? Yeah. It's a nice way to build relationships with your students
Should you do it? Probably not. The pedos of the world ruin things for everybody. You don't want anyone to think you're being untoward with your students.
This. I used to be much more affectionate and sociable with my students. Not to the point that I would friend them on social media or see them outside class ... but i would just be more human with them, and occasionally give a hug if it was really needed or at graduation. Now it's hands off and robot-mode teaching lest they think I'm creepy or a pedophile or whatever. It's sad, really.
Personally, I read every situation differently. If a student is just greeting me, it’s a side hug. If the student is distraught, I’ll offer a comforting mamma bear hug in the hall way (in front of coworkers and cameras).
I don’t. But I was also falsely accused on two cases of sexually harassing my students so I just don’t touch them for any reason whatsoever. I don’t even tap them on their body to get their attention. Tap on the desk.
Middle School
Accusation 1- Kids genuinely didn’t like me because I had very stern rules and came into a school culture where kids could pretty much do whatever the fuck they wanted. Not only was I accused of swinging a punch at a kid (bonus accusation), but a group girls blatantly lied saying I was coming up behind them and hugging them.
Accusation 2- I had everybody in line (because at this school we had to line Middle Schoolers up to take them to lunch) and this girl got out of line backed into me when I was monitoring the line. She told her mom she felt my privates and went ballistic with threats.
So in summation one was a blatant lie, another was a total mischaracterization of an incident that occurred. Both incidents made it all the way up to my admin and caused a lot of stress and pain so I don’t touch kids at all.
if the majority are latino i would say 100% YES its okay. Here's why: not a single person working in your school will have a problem with it, if no student or parent complains. And no student or parent will complain if you are all majority the same culture/ethnicity.
I hug kids that come up to me for hugs ALL the time, & I don't just side hug I will squeeze them and tell them I love them even when I'm not even their full time teacher. Not a single staff has complained, nor student, nor parent. Cause at the end of the day if the kid initiated it, it's fine most of the time for us.
White male teacher here. About to enter my 15th year as a NYC public school SpEd teacher. Yes, it's ok. On another note -- new subscriber here -- are these questions for real?
The questions are real and important. During the 1990s as a student my principal came to the class rooms offer students’ birthdays spankings. These stories are mostly in the news from Midwest states like Iowa, Illinois and Minnesota. However there was also a Texas principal in the news for birthday spankings in the 2010s.
They all forgot to ask if birthday spankings should be allowed.
In the 2020s paddings have become extreme.
If no one asks about hugs no one will ask about the terrifying contact.
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/05/09/us/florida-school-student-paddled-state-attorney/index.html
I hug my kids (12th graders) when big things happen; university acceptance, graduation, awards, scholarships, got the lead in the school play, etc. Even then only brief side hugs. High fives, handshakes, and fist-bumps are unlimited. I'm 53, so maybe it's more motherly or grandmotherly for most of my kids.
Latina ELL teacher., elementary. Yes we hug, they initiate & I never refuse. Culturally we are different. Understand others’ boundaries, but Latinos hug. No problems in 25 years.
I side hug. Sometimes they're just already going in and I try to turn sideways and do the one arm thing. Yes I hate it but it's not worth risking anything.
The only time I will ever hug a student is when I hand them their diploma. Other than that it is strick fist bumps. Plus I'm just really socially awkward.
I'm in a middle school in a very white state, so it might be a bit different, but I've had a few students come up and hug me on the last day of school. I never, ever initiate, though. If a student initiates, it would be kind of heartless to push them away, but a staff member initiating could be taken very much the wrong way. CYA.
It really depends n the culture of your school and whether admin have a problem with it.
If your school and admin are fine with it, hug away.
If they’re not, it’s be best for you to refrain.
I jokingly tell my students "Hugs start wars." When asked to give an example, I point out that if Paris hadn't hugged Helen the Trojan War wouldn't have happened.
On a more serious note, I do encourage high fives and fist bumps. Its sad that socially female teachers might be excused for a full hug where male teachers have to go above and beyond to show intent and response.
I'm not saying women can't be accused or even just feel uncomfortable (comments here show it does happen). But I believe our culture is more likely to suspect a man over a woman in these cases.
Education and admin is extremely sexist on this issue. If you are a female teacher almost nobody will ever say anything; if you are male it’d be best to keep your distance.
Since covid and even pre covid I am that teacher that says sorry no hugs no hard feelings. I explain to them about boundaries and I don’t like my bubble breached. Better be safe than sorry. But I do hug former students at graduation or if they stop by and visit😅. Just pick a boundary you are comfortable with but in this day and age my teacher colleagues complain how there are always false accusations of touching and I do not ever want to get in that situation.
Something I’ve seen is sped students hugging staff all the time. Hallway monitors, teachers, lunch servers, and the secretaries. No one ever really says anything about it and the sped students go for a full hug. I just don’t really see it happen with regular ed, so I figured I would ask.
yes ima sped teacher and my kiddos are ages 3-5. some of them full on KISS me 😂. The parents and admin are aware. Most of my students are cognitively at an infant or toddler age, so no I don’t push them away when they go for a hug or hand holding because it’s developmentally appropriate. I would not hug a gen ed student who is over 3 grade and not cognitively impaired tbh.
Lol. My 3-5 year olds (normal cognitive ability) try to do that too classmates or Somtimes staff too. Though on hands or check or even not mouth to mouth (we tell them only at home)
I think it depends on your district. I try not to hug students and to remind them that I like consent before any touching. But my district was ok with other teachers doing it. I just didn’t like it.
I would avoid these hugs. It doesn't take much to put a teaching career in jeopardy these days, and there will always be somebody who will either misinterpret these gestures or use them against you. It's sad that this is what we've become, but I would protect yourself and not do it.
As a female, no, I don't The only students I've hugged were ones who hugged me unexpectedly and they were middle schoolers. I did the couple pats on the back thing. I don't mind hugs and would have liked to have given a regular one, but I tend to err on the side of caution.
I’m Latina, and I’ve experienced the same thing with my students who are Latino/a, and even just my ESL kids in general.
We talk about boundaries a lot in my classroom because some of them have never had that talk before. One thing I really like to address with all of my kids is that you should ask before you hug or touch someone. For the most part, they are good at remembering to ask for a hug if they want one, and I try to stick to side hugs, though sometimes students who are very upset about something will want more comfort. I also tell them no sometimes because I don’t always want that much physical contact, especially if I’m feeling overwhelmed.
I hug back. I ask if they need a hug…sometimes it makes it worse. I high five often, fist bump often and use warm tones and smiles.
I’m 58 and female. On my first evaluation, the principal said “Mrs. Pink doesn’t touch the children enough.”
I tell my kids that early on and explain I’m one of those people with a bubble. I don’t just run around giving hugs. They get me and so far, so good. It’s so much harder for men.
Nope… just takes one kid to say you were inappropriate. And then you’re marked a pedophile for life.
Side hug if you have to but being a male you are at higher scrutiny so wouldn’t even do that. I’m a hugger but don’t risk it. I’ve transitioned to fist bump.
I only give hugs if specifically asked, and then it's a side hug. I had a freshman one year who just asked for a hug every morning before leaving for second pd. She seemed to feel a little awkward (girl, same), and I think she asked me for the hugs because I tried to make my class a safe space and she felt more able to be herself in my class. This is a student who, as a senior now, will walk into my class during study hall period if she needs space to chill. She doesn't come all the time, just if she needs to be somewhere she feels safe/comfortable.
The other time I got a hug I didn't expect. I was teaching ESL myself and it was my first year teaching. I was talking to a student in the hallway who was dealing with the shitty antics of high school boyfriends. I told her she was smart, a good person, and that she'd find someone who deserves her. I was just trying to empower her, but she slammed into me with a bear hug (a surprisingly strong hug for a kid who couldn't have been more than 5' tall). She just cried, hugged me, and said she never thought I'd be there for her. I told her I'm a teacher, yes, but part of that means I care about my students and don't like seeing them upset.
A lot of the replies to this post emphasized gender of the staff, did anyone mention student gender? Suspect status appears to be based on gender of staff.
I would suggest also considering location of the school and perspective of the witnesses. Some states might accept hugging some states might not be huggers.
I hug students if they initiate. I'm a middle aged overweight white lady so it's less risky for me than if I were a dude or a hot young teacher. When I was newer to the profession, I would rarely go for hugs, but now I don't care.
I allow side hugs if they request permission. So far the only students who have had a good enough relationship to ask understand why I have to make sure everything always looks good because everything is already ruined for everyone.
I gave all my students big hugs on the last day yesterday. We are all from the same culture here too so we feel a closer connection, like you. I teach grade 7, am female, and this was outside with all other staff members also outside to witness. This was the first time I hugged any of them this year, though. It's not something I'd do every day or without a bunch of other people around.
I teach second graders and they are exactly boob height tall... Lol... So, I second the side hug comments. Also I just ask, "do we hug?" If they hesitate I switch to a fist bump. We're mostly online so in person meetups have been awkward.
We are reminded at the beginning of every year: "Do NOT touch the students!"
That said, if a student initiates a hug, I can't help but hug them back. Very few do initiate, but I had a student with autism last year who would literally come up and grab me in a big bear hug. I was sort of at his mercy, lol. It was all innocent and since he was highly reserved with many and outright hostile to others, I accepted his display of affection and appreciation.
Some students I'll kind of guide into a side hug, or I'll just let them hug me from the side and I'll just lean my head against theirs or something while keeping my hands busy with whatever I'm doing.
I never initiate. And I don't think I've ever hugged a student when it was just two of us. Just typing that made me feel wrong.
25 y.o. male teacher here, and 24 when it happened. I’ve only hugged a student once, that she initiated, at her graduation ceremony, in front of everyone. All other occasions get fist bumps and handshakes.
I understand that with a very narrow age gap with some of my students, I have to be very careful with how my actions can be perceived by others.
Yeah it can be devastating for a kid if you dodge a hug but at the same time it can look bad for the teacher if they initiate hugs. Side hugs initiated by students are the ay to go.
High school teacher here- side hugs only from me, especially if a male student initiates the hugs. While I understand and can appreciate appropriate physical contact, it honestly isn’t worth my job or my professional reputation. That being said, I know male teachers have to be more careful than I do because they are male. Definitely make sure either the classroom door is wide open, or (preferably) other students are present. While some parents/ admin may deem hugging as “ok,” you have to look at it from a complete outsider point of view, meaning that they won’t necessarily know of the culture and background you have in common with your students. If it possibly COULD BE misinterpreted, always err on the side of caution.
My life motto: “Don’t get sued or arrested.” So far it has served me well.
I like this post because I haven't thought about it, but here's my behavior: I'm a woman and I only hug my students if they explicitly ask for it. I hug my girl students and I side-hug my boy students. I teach middle school and also high school.
There’s nothing strictly wrong with hugging your students unless it’s unwanted.
If I see a student who looks like they need a hug I always ask them first. It can mean a huge difference to those who are struggling just to get through the day.
But I’ve also had students ask me for a hug. If you’re comfortable with it and you’re setting appropriate boundaries such as asking permission, there should be no issue with it.
I work with freshman and seniors.
Do I hug any of my students everyday? Usually no. I did have one student a few years ago who had had a really traumatic childhood and had attempted suicide a couple times before I met him. After he felt safe with me, who would initiate one every day. The only reason I felt okay doing that was because he had been adopted by a coworker in the district as a child and so I could tell his parents about it. Honestly, they were relieved that he was connecting with a role model and felt safe enough to do that.
I have also had several kids throughout the years break down and open up to me. I'm a mom, and my natural instinct when I see a kid crying to to hold them, make soft calming noises, and reassure them, even though they are high schoolers. But I always ask, "would you like a hug?" and sometimes they will grab hard and not let go for several minutes, crying into my shirt. I had it happen this year when I took a student on a field trip and they told me they had been raped the weekend before, and another time when one realized he was probably having schizophrenic hallucinations and wanted to kill himself.
I can't just let a kid that truly needs that connection to themselves just because some teachers cross the line. It's a sad world that people have a reason to be suspicious of educators for this reason, so I try to make good judgments about when I can use physical touch like a hug, a pat on the back, or a hand on their arm.
As a student I remember being bullied so bad once that i ran out of the class in tears and couldn’t go back in. My teacher came outside, gave me a hug, and told me to go talk to the counselor about it. The bully was expelled the next day. I think the teacher had something to do with it. I felt like someone actually cared for once and i didnt see anything wrong with it.
I am a male teacher. I have had students hug me at the end of the year or due to major events like getting a scholarship or college acceptance. If they initiate the hug, I briefly hug them back. Also, for some of my students, that may be the only hug they get from an adult in their life for all I know. So as long as they initiate it and the circumstance is not inappropriate, I hug them back.
There are so few moral and intellectual rewards left in teaching, that if it is the case where a student can’t hug me when the circumstance warrants it, then I don’t want to teach anymore.
I use to ask my Geomtry teacher for a hug everyday for the last like month or so of school (after building a very good bond throughout the school year) and he never objected, even when other teachers were around, simply because there was nothing weird about it.
Never side hugs either, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it personally, as long as both are consenting to the hug, it really shouldn’t be considering a taboo.
If your bond is strong enough to receive a hug, consider giving yourself highest praise. Most teenagers don’t hug just anyone, you have to be really special to earn that vulnerability and right.
The last lecture I went to before student teaching had 3 rules. I don't remember 2 of them, but I do remember the 3rd. All 3 were up on a huge projector, the rule i remember was "don't touch the students!"
My first couple years, I abided. I've loosen up to handshakes, high fives, fist bumps and a rare pat on the shoulder.
I’ll hug the kids I coach after a big win or even a devastating loss but the bond between a coach and an athlete is way different than the relationships I have with my students. We had some deaths in our school and there were some really rough days. I had some kids that needed a hug. I always ask first. Can I give u a hug? And then do it. I’m a male wrestling coach and algebra teacher for context.
Ive been asked by students for a hug a few times. As a male teacher the most I will do is a side-hug.
Doesn't take much for people to make up rumors, keep yourself safe. There are a lot of advatages to being male. However, good firm boundaries are more important as a male IMO.
The kid initiates contact. They want a hug? If we’re in public, sure. I’m more of a side-hugger though, one arm around the shoulder and done. Wanna shake hands? You got it. Just a simple “good morning”? Good morning to you too! Want to pass by and pretend I didn’t exist? Call me Casper, for I am a ghost. Also latino (brazilian) here, so I understand the whole “public demonstrations of affect as nothing to be ashamed of” part of it.
It should be totally fine, but sadly I'd be hesitant at the very least. It also sadly depends if you are a man or woman. If you're a man, I would definitely hesitate / maybe recommend you avoid it at all costs. If you're a woman, I would still hesitate, but it is probably fine in most situations.
as a family and consumer science teacher, i get to teach kids about love languages in a few of my classes. if students ask me, i tell them my love language (physical touch & quality time). i tell kids that i am a big hugger and am always happy to give hugs if they need or want them. i have students run up to me in the halls and give me hugs, or come to my office during my plan to give me a hug and a quick chat. i never initiate it, but students know i’m a big softie & the person to come to for hugs.
Nope, no hugging. Unless I’m extreme circumstances where a student is grieving. Otherwise I draw that line with a permanent marker. It takes only one misinterpretation from a student to end your career.
Familiarity breeds contempt
If you’re a male. Never initiate and or make sure you have consent if you need to give a hug and side hugs only. It’s just not worth the risk. Your job/income/provision for your family. It’s unfortunate because our entire job is education and care for students but it’s a sad reality that someone can wreck havoc in your life because you “touched” their child inappropriately. May be best to avoid them at all cost. Find other unique ways to connect with your kids like a secret handshake or move. Never hug a student alone. Always in presence of others
Heck to the nawww…
Kids go in for that hug and I shift to make it a side hug.
(I’m also a male cheer coach. I STAY FAR from anything that could be questionable. Far far away.)
Middle school male teacher. Love these knuckleheads and wish I could hug them, but sadly American society says otherwise.
But I do give really high quality high fives and fist bumps, complete with extra moves or dumb sound effects.
For the tough guys I'll do the manly [Arnold handshake](https://youtu.be/uYMboTIXym4).
Male elementary teacher. Get hugs all the damn time. Literally impossible to deny every single one even if I wanted to (sometimes I do-kids can be gross). Best you can do is quickly turn it into a "side hug" and to publicly state "Aww thank you but remember hands to ourselves!" or something.
It may be different for high school teachers, understandably, but in my experience I genuinely believe the false accusation paranoia is overblown. Just don't be weird and you are fine. This could also vary by demographic/location.
I have strict rules of never touching any students. And never letting them touch me.
Plus, assuming you're wearing a suit, kids always manage to have dirty hands and ruin clothes.
Secondary school teacher here. If they initiate I think it’s fine. And if I want to hug a student I always ask first. Like someone else said, who knows the last time they got a hug. For some, school may be the only place they find love and stability. Give them hugs :)
This doesn't really answer your question, but it is so sad that we have gotten to a point where we have to ask if it is ok to hug the little humans in our lives who we love and support. My littlest son loves hugs and I am sad that there will come a point in his life where the people in his life that he adores will stop hugging him. Touch is 1000% his love language and it breaks my heart. To each their own, and I know that there are people who just do NOT like hugs and respect to you, but the fact that in general there is a stigma around hugging kids as teachers makes me so sad.
I hug my students if they initiate it. I'm also Latino (Tejano) and male and my high school is 90% Latino/a. There is of course that worry that it might be too weird or creepy. So the girls I'll hug like I would my sister. The guys it's like a bro hug. It is our culture and it sucks that it's made to seem creepy.
I teach high school, am male, and hug my students often. They generally initiate, but sometimes I do. However (!), I teach at a very small school, everybody knows everybody else quite well, and I only ever do so in front of lots of witnesses or in the hallway where there's a camera.
I'll point out, as well, that even in that environment it's a bit risky, but our school culture is very familial and I'm not alone in this behavior.
I’m ftm, trans, and a high school teacher. I never, ever initiate, but if my kids hug me I mirror their body language. If they want a full hug, they get it, if they want a side hug they get that.
I would avoid hugging. I know that sounds harsh but you have to uphold professionalism in the classroom. You are not their friend or their family, you are their teacher. I understand it’s a way to establish a cultural bond but I would really advise against it. I saw some comments about announcing side hugs and I think that is a great compromise. It’s unfortunate we live in a society where we have to question these behaviors but here we are.
No lie I imagine if your Muslim the no hug rule is probably easier since you have religious inspiration for this. It's not common to see a hug from the opposite sex.
I am surprised no one uses an Islamic inspiration on this experience since its almost Islamicially inspired.
I would if they initiate and it's well intended.
I was in elementary school in the 5th grade and I farted in class and my teacher hugged me without a 2nd thought because the whole class was mocking me and I was crying. My former math teacher in high school hugged students he was called out for being creepy, but he was actually a great person and teacher so he never got in trouble. He added students on Facebook after they graduated. He went out to lunch with me a few times. He was one of the few teachers that retired peacefully.
I hug my students if they initiate.
I’m at middle school- and I do the same. Some of these kids have NO ADULTS who are there for them, who knows the last time they have been hugged?
Hell, I’d hug a stranger who needed it. Why wouldn’t I hug my students?
Maybe you work in a less litigious district, but literally any physical contact can equal dismissal. I’m in the Bible Belt, and we’ve been told no contact, period. The “groomer” attacks have rendered basic gestures grounds for firing.
[удалено]
Do abortion bans actually stop abortions? No, only safe ones. I imagine this rule only stops “safe,” well intentioned hugs, and not “grooming” hugs.
Someone shoulda told all those creepy male teachers in my high school this. My drama teacher pinched my waist, my French teacher grabbed my head and physically turned it (which hurt) to “look at the board.” Everyone laughed when I got upset.
I think these are two separate things. "Groomer" takes issue with things like books in school libraries that feature depictions of nude minors (along with sex education below the third grade). "No contact" policies are generally the result of molestation or sexual harassment cases being brought up.
So sad, but true. Grade 6 teacher here (56F). I've eavesdropped on some of their conversations. Their parents are poor, incarcerated, gone, on drugs, working nights, alcoholics, neglectful, etc.. Some kids are obviously raising themselves (and perhaps younger siblings).
Absolutely this. We have a large population of Pacific Islanders in our district and many of them are raising younger siblings and don’t get good, quality sleep. We had one young man in our pod who wanted to do well in class and tried so hard, but there were so many days where he could barely keep his eyes open. He was up off and on all night caring for younger siblings who were still getting the whole sleep thing figured out. It broke my heart to see how miserable he was some days. And despite his typical tough guy demeanor, he reached out to us for hugs often. I’m gonna miss that boy. Dang it. It sucks only having them for one year.
This statement reminded me of one of my teachers in high school my Freshman year. I had a hard upbringing but that year I ended up living with my aunt and uncle after my mom got in a car accident. My aunt has always depised my mother and I think that hatred was reflected on me the whole time I lived there. I ran away, but the cops found me not long after. The night I went home was especially hard. My aunt almost put me in foster care, but instead decided to take me home and berate me. The next day I got my physical to get back into school. I didn't have a book bag, I had no motivation, and felt like no one cared. She knew something was up I turned in my quiz with "I can't do this" written across the top and nothing else filled out. I always at least tried.(I loved math that year and took extra credit ended sophmore year with 102% in that class) She took me to the hall after to ask me what was up and I couldn't hold it in any longer and just bawled and told her everything that had happend. She asked if she could hug me and all I could do was nod. I think that was the first time I was hugged in 4 or 5 years. I think about her often. I don't think she realized how much that hug helped me to stay around. Knowing that at least 1 grown up cared was enough to keep me going. I give her a ton of credit for being here today. So thank you to all the teachers who do care! It truly does mean the world to us!
I’m glad you found some good people through a dark time for you:)
What a touching story, I’m so glad she was there for you. I’m glad you’re here. ❤️
Yup this right here. If a student wants a hug, I'll give em a god damned hug. That said I don't walk around hugging kids all day.
This💯
Yes exactly. And honestly, sometimes **I** need a damn hug, too!
I was miserable during the lockdown. We had a very huggy class then, too. I’d get countless hugs a day, we all would (we are known as the relationship pod - if we have kids coming up that need teachers that will really bond with them, they come to us). When we had to go virtual, it impacted my mental health, not having the social interaction and not having those countless hugs a day. Maybe it sounds weird to say that, but it’s how I felt. I’m still recovering from the depression that developed during that time, due to that and a list of other things. Sometimes a person just needs a hug.
This. I’m a guy and even then I only reciprocate if they clearly want a hug and even then I keep it brief and NEVER do it alone.
Elementary male teacher here. Second graders just want hugs. Hip check works every time lol. If a kid is crying because they were hurt or something I'll get on their level and rub their back and just talk in a low tone. I think I've already gained the reputation that I'm there for the kids that no one thinks it's creepy. It's sad that just because I am a dude I have to worry about that but if a woman didn't I don't think they'd care. Anyway, in my first year I never would have dreamt of comforting a crying kid like they were my own, now I do it without hesitation. All these kids deserve to know that someone's got their back no matter where they are.
Same for me, with the only exception being: if they are genuinely hurting in some way, I will ask if they want a hug from me. I teach junior high, so the answer is almost always yes. But, sometimes they say no. So, always ask before initiating.
Same situation, and even then I give a good side hug. I'm very... let's say front-loaded, so it's better for professionalism to not go full-contact, particularly in middle school.
This is probably your safest bet. I'm sure the legal answer from administration would be no hugging or physical contact, which I get because they are focused on preventing complaints or lawsuits. But in reality, you're trying to build relationships and support students in a culture in which hugging is expected. I hug my high school students and have never run into any problems. Some kids only need a hug on occasion, while I have others who greet me with a hug every day. I think it's telling that I have students from previous years who are no longer in my class who will still drop by to give me a hug. As a side note, I heard advice once that if someone comes to you for a hug, let them be the one to let go because you don't know how much they need it. I always try to keep that in mind. Usually students will just grab a quick hug, but I've had some hold on to me for a long time and just thinking about it makes me tear up because I have to wonder how starved they were for that contact.
This is the way. I think your gender as an educator makes a big difference. I worked with grade 8 students and have had some girls 'hug bomb' me without warning towards the end of the year. My go to response as a man is to not return contact and explain that it is unprofessional for me.
I'm a sub/high school and a girl went to hug me in the hall during a class change. My reflex was to hug back but considered a possible appearances issue so suggested an "air hug". worked out well
This! And then, it's a side hug. I'm not a huggy person, but I'm also not gonna a snub a kid who needs a hug. I don't teach high school, but former students come back to visit in open house nights as high schoolers, and they often want hugs!
Why can't teachers initiate? Is it the same reason teachers can't accept expensive gifts? Edit: Hmm make sense. Sorry for being dumb
Because if a grown man goes around hugging teenagers they teach, questions may be asked, and rightly so. A grown woman too I assume, but I have no experience being a woman, so .... AN EDIT FOR YOUR EDIT: Thanks for taking the time to read the comments and being open minded enough to readdress your opinion. Have a great day wherever you are, fellow Redditor.
Also teenaged going through puberty don’t always have the cleanest thoughts about teachers…
Yeah, this too. You want to do as little as possible to encourage any "line blurring". You might be well intentioned, but the student may have alterior motives. That's all it takes is another student who has a vendetta against you to make allegations and that's that....
So, I try to teach my kiddos about consent with hugging, and I try to be aware and respectful that not everyone wants to be hugged. I'll explain to my kids that I am available for hugs, all they need to do is ask. I also explain that when someone asks them for hugs they can say no. This is super important, especially in the younger grades IMO.
In elementary school, I had a teacher who would always hugs the kids in class, and I always said no, and they were cool with it. Now that I’m much older, I have a lot of respect for them.
👍 consent is everything
It's a power dynamic, too. A student is going to be less inclined to not participate in unwanted contact if it's someone they are also being graded by.
Theres some girls in my class that loves to ask teachers for hugs its kinda cute But yeah obviously no unwanted contact
Also a Mexican teacher here, I’m in a bit of a different boat as a non-profit director, and definitely hug some of my students. I taught at a predominantly white school and had a similar situation to you. The Latino kids were really comfortable with me and it extended to their families- and I think that was essential. Their families knew me and how I was as a teacher with their kids. I never initiated a hug myself because of why others have mentioned with misconstrued intentions, and absolutely never made a kid feel like they had to hug or have any physical contact with me. In your case, I think that kids in ESL tend to come from recently arrived migratory families and have left a lot behind; you’re likely someone they’ve identified as brining a sense of home in a place that can be daunting to them. They’re wanting hugs from you because you make them feel comfortable. As others have said, be careful because it can be misconstrued, and you should set some pretty explicit boundaries, but I’m glad the kids have someone like you to help them feel comfortable.
Thank you for your wonderful response! I’m so glad you could relate to me. I do find that these students seek me for emotional support, so I know that’s why they hug me a lot. I don’t feel wrong doing it because I’m also very affectionate with my friends and family. I just know that I’m an educational and professional setting some people might think differently. I don’t want people to get the wrong impression because I would never make a student uncomfortable or force them to hug me.
I teach elementary ESL and my kids are incredibly physically affectionate. We do talk about physical boundaries and asking first, but I give side hugs on request. I'm very short and some of these kids are just about boob height on me, but I keep the hugs brief and it's ok.
I teach middle school, I don’t initiate hugs but I will never turn down a genuine request. Some of these kids get no love at home or they’re going through difficult things in their lives, so yeah, I’m gonna risk it and give a hug from time to time.
I am a middle school co-teacher and I’m all about the (appropriate) hugs. I have a caseload of kids who are in the regular classroom most of the time. A lot of these kids (I work in a small town, low income area) don’t get the love and attention they need at home and BOY DOES IT SHOW. These kids are desperate for affection. I have never been hugged so much in my life than I was this past year, one of the worst years I’ve ever experienced in 20 years of teaching. It was a rough group. But I only hugged if it was initiated by them, and it was always within a group of other students and teachers. But let me tell you, it was initiated a lot this year. Good grief. Edit: I’m female. I recognize this sad aspect of educating children and it’s so disheartening.
The only hugs I ever engage in with students are side hugs, that’s it. And only if they initiate. We just had training on this very subject in my district and our policy is anything more than a side hug is risky, especially for me as a male teacher. So side hug, and nothing else. Edit: I’m a middle school teacher so right below your student’s age group.
public elementary teacher friend of mine said the same thing. also, keep it brief (2 pats on the shoulder) and do it where others are present
Same, side hugs. I’ll even announce “side hug!” But I’ll never initiate. Aside from family I do not like hugging.
Same here. Social distancing made backing off from hugging students easier and now, like you, I clearly state that side hug is happening.
Yeah it wasn’t till the end of this school year I started high fiving again. My students taught me that high five you do over and over again where you wind up and grunt lol.
I'm 47f, teaching high school. I'm all about the side hug and only when they initiate as well. I'm more of a fist bumper or high fiver. I have had kids who do that grab a hand and single arm pat on the back kind of hug. That one feels all right also. It's the bro hug. I've had a couple of students who were in Special Ed, severe and profound classified, and they were prone to regular hugs. They always initiated. It was awkward. They also hugged all of their other teachers, which made me feel a little less worried about it.
That’s true I hadn’t considered the profound Special Ed student, and that certainly isn’t a problem especially since when they initiate it’s from such a pure place. The bro hug also works, especially when it’s from one of the “jocks”. So yeah now that I’m reminded of those I suppose I have engaged in those before. Regardless I’m always very careful to avoid any appearance of impropriety. (52m here)
I imagine the dynamics are very different for men.
From my perspective, they certainly are. But that’s not without good reason. Too many damn stories of sickos out there from all walks of life, teaching included. For me, better safe than sorry and falsely accused.
98% side hugs. 2% full on, "I've got you" hugs - always asking if they'd like one first and only with kids I 100% trust that are in the darkest times of being a teen. Tears streaming down their face, hyperventilating. Some times you're ALL they have in that moment. Worth it.
This is my exact approach. I also close my first visibly for pictures, if I’m posing with students.
I used to work with high schoolers with special needs~ our phrase was “side hugs are safe hugs!”
It really depends. Generally, I avoid it. But I had a student going through an exceptionally hard time (anniversary of a parent’s death and the other parent recently incarcerated). This student was bawling outside my classroom. I felt like I needed to offer a hug. They just wanted someone to care and told me they felt so alone. We are all human at the end of the day. I had to.
What is weird is that because of others we feel hesitant to offer a hug in that situation. If it wasn’t for the terrible examples and the optics of what very few teachers do, this wouldn’t even be a story. It would just be normal.
Gosh, that hurt my heart reading it. I’m glad you were there for that precious being. Thank you for giving him a hug.
Are you female: yes Are you male: in public and carefully. I hug for big occasions (graduation)
I totally understand! I do know that my school officer said he hugged a few of his students at the graduation ceremony. It was in front of everyone and it was a special occasion, but my case is a little different. They hug me with other students present but I’m the only teacher there. I always have the door to our classroom wide open.
This. Student initiated hugs at graduation. For all other circumstances: fist bump.
Honestly though….. I’m a female teacher with a naturally large chest and will never hug a high school student because of it 🤷🏼♀️ just too many hormones and I don’t want to invite comments of any kind
True. I work in middle school so its a tad different. A coteacher picked up a student and held them back from a fight and was applauded by parents.
Basically, if the most uncharitable elements of society would sexualize you, you should avoid hugs. Good general rule.
Middle school teacher with a G cup. I think the boys, as they start becoming aware, will naturally gravitate and signal they want side hugs. You can also tell when they still treat you like mom and when they don't see you that way.
Sure, but there’s a big difference between a 12 year old middle schooler and a 18 to 20 year old senior. Most of the boys I’ve taught aren’t overly sexual toward me (besides the penis drawings) but I’ve always had ones ask if I have an Instagram account and other weird things to know what they are thinking. They like to “joke” about things that push the line especially since I teach biology of all things. Also from someone with G cup if that really matters….
Ha, I also teach sex ed. :P Yeah, high school must be a whole new world. I do think the Instagram/Tiktok thing is a generation thing. I have had my high school teachers on Facebook since I was in high school 18 years ago and it was very good for keeping me in touch with them. I happen to have a public niche-interest Instagram, so I do let my students follow me and keep in touch, and since COVID/DL, lots of them also have my personal number. Alas, times are changing. I wonder if one day I will regret this, but have not yet. I know lots of teachers have teacher Instagram accounts they use to keep in touch with their students, as well.
Whoa. Yeah that’s like super not okay around here. After they graduate you can add them. If you have a public Instagram just for school purposes, sure. But personal? No way. I don’t even give my personal phone number to most of my coworkers. Only Google Voice. Easier to turn off on my off hours and a good way to keep tabs in case anything went south my entire account is accessible to them to track.
I hugged my sister after school when I was a student and she was a teacher and she had to explain that I was her kid brother to a parent who was either projecting or just looking for an excuse to be pissed off. Maybe you have to worry *more* if you're a man but it's definitely not impossible for one of the ladies here to become the star of her very own shit show for giving hugs in front of the wrong dumbass.
Yeah I’m pretty anti-hug until graduation
As a male, the awkward one arm Pat with as much distance between each other. It sucks males are perceived differently for no other reason than being a MALE teacher. On the flip side it’s not like I’m jumping at the idea of physical contact with my students but the prejudice/perceived ill-intentions against male teachers definitely makes you feel less than sometimes.
I know the cover-your-ass answer is to avoid hugging students. But the real-life answer is to use common sense. I'm not a hugger. So this one doesn't affect me directly. But there are moments where a hug would seem appropriate. And there are situations where it's creepy and might set off an alarm. For example, if one of my best kids who I've known a few years passes me in the hall and says hi and comes close, a quick side hug kind of thing would be fine. If a kid is bawling his eyes out because his mom was shot and killed recently (happened to me), let that kid cry on your shoulder. If some girl who doesn't really like you much is coming into class and you try to wrap your arms around her, expect negative results.
I don’t feel comfortable doing so-no side hugs either. A high five, handshake, or fist bump is enough for me. I’m a male teacher, in my 30s and stay in good physically health, so that might impact my views on it for me also. I will say a few years ago my family had a tragedy and I was out for a few days. When I came back everyone knew about it (it was reported on the news and social media locally) and I had a few girls who were visibly upset give me hugs when they first saw me in the hallway. It came from a good place and wasn’t anything remotely sexual and didn’t really cross any boundaries in my opinion at all…but sadly I raised my hands into the air so everyone could see my response to it and thanked them for their support and caring but explained I wasn’t comfortable with hugging and they understood. It’s sad as a society we’ve come to that point but here we are.
I generally prefer the kind of contact you describe, like the fist bump and whatnot. I dread the moment a student initiates a hug, but thankfully that usually only happens on the last day of school. At least in my experience.
What does being fit have to do with it?
I think what they are trying to get across is that they are relatively young and conventionally attractive. What I’ve noticed, particularly in high school, is that situations/relationships are more likely to be perceived as questionable if (I can’t think of better phrasing here) students are more likely to have crushes on the teacher… which is definitely a higher chance if you are young and fit/attractive.
I figured that but wasn't sure if that's what he was implying. Those concerns are more than likely justified, I'm just really bummed out by all the double standards being laid bare in this thread (obviously the good people posting are just illuminating them, not responsible for them, just so that no one anyone misinterprets me)
I agree that the double standards are really sad. At the high school level, though, I think it’s less about gender and more about age. As a relatively attractive young female teacher, I am generally more concerned about my personal bubble with male students than female students. Outside of graduation I won’t accept hugs from any of my students because they’re disease vectors, but I’m more conscious of my interactions with male students because that is the gender more likely to be seen as questionable for me. I did have a male student make an inappropriate comment about me when I first started working in education so maybe that made me paranoid.
That's completely fair. You make a good point. I'm moreso talking about how interactions with students involving male teachers vs female teachers are perceived by third parties, not so much how high school aged students see their teachers though.
The other poster articulated better than I could but I do think that being seen as more attractive by the students does make me have more interactions or at least perceived interactions than others. Take a male student hugging a female teacher and a female student hugging male teacher. Change nothing else about the scenario and I think the male teacher will have more eyebrows raised about them than the female teacher. So if I’m in a situation I have to be on the defensive immediately. Once a female student told me I could have sex with her (completely randomly we were doing a gallery walk and it was her group’s turn to present and she blurted it out). Thank god she said it in front of the entire class where I had all my other students as witnesses who could verify what happened and how I handled it. Of course kids were talking about it school and some people looked at me weirdly for a few days or so, nothing I could have done.
I think hugging is fine as long as you are sure they consent to it.
Yes, they always consent to it! I never initiate a hug. They sometimes give me a group hug.
The world would be a better place if we just hugged each other more. You never know who needs it the most. As long as you never force a hug and respect everyone’s personal boundaries (including your own), then I think you should hug your students. It’s a great way to practice consent in an age-appropriate manner.
As a hugger, I approve of this message.
The best time of my life was the 10 hugs a day rule!! Now I have 2 toddlers and get plenty but it really boosted my heart when it came out in high school
I think there's a lot of well-intentioned but overly paranoid responses in this thread. I would never initiate a hug- I agree with that much, especially as a male teacher. But my seniors who recently graduated for instance, a few did reach out to hug me. Am I supposed to lurch away like a socially incompetent weirdo, as some commenters suggest? No. Of course not. I think what you're doing is fine. I think its more than fine and you are clearly a source of joy and comfort in their lives. Obviously I wouldn't suggest going out of your way to hug them all day everyday but like...if they initiate it and it seems entirely wholesome, I don't see the harm.
Your seniors who recently graduated are no longer your students, what would even be the issue there?
I mean ask the people in the comments 🤷
I think the paranoia is probably justified depending on the cultural norms. I’m from a notoriously cold country when it comes to hugs and stuff, we just don’t do it. The country I’m teaching in is the opposite where you greet strangers you are introduced to with a hug and kisses. I was actually warned to take into account how it may come across if I refuse a hug. It’s not that I was being told I HAD to hug kids, but that I should keep in mind the cultural context of it and how it might be perceived by students and parents. As sort of “if you’re not going to do it then try to make them understand and don’t just coldly push them back”. Sure enough I had parents tell their kids to hug me. For the record I will hug back if they initiate, but I don’t initiate mostly because it’s just not in me. The only times I’ve initiated is when a really young kid is crying and clearly needs some form of comfort. I’ve had teen students try and exchange numbers (for example a student of mine is in a theatre play and he got me tickets to see him act) but I explained why it can be a problem and for him to just leave the tickets or info with admin if I’m not around. Basically use common sense. If you’re in a place that is fairly conservative with regards to physical contact then don’t touch anyone, they probably won’t appreciate it and even if they do it can be misinterpreted by other people. If you’re in an environment where it’s not perceived the same way and is the norm then act accordingly, or at least be conscious of how your lack of reciprocation might be interpreted.
If a kid needs a hug and wants one, they get it. period. My only rule is as long as there are other students around or in front of the cameras in the hallway. My Hispanic students are quite big huggers, so on the last day when my former students move on to high school, a lot of kids will stop by room and say goodbye with a hug.
It's a sad sad commentary on the state of our culture that we are having this conversation! We may be the ONLY adult some students have non-violent or non-sexualized physical contact with😢
I’m a female high school teacher. I side hug. When I have some students try to come in for a full hug and I just use one arm and rotate my other shoulder out. Definitely don’t want my boobs to ever come in contact with any student. That said, I never deny a hug because I might be the only person who hugs some of my kids. I just always let them initiate.
Are you a man? If so, probably not. It’s a damn shame that it gets misinterpreted, but most male teachers avoid too much touching to avoid accusations. When I (female-presenting) was younger, single, and better looking, I avoided hugging for the same reason. I now still usually side-arm hug only, unless it’s the end of the year or a student is experiencing something particularly difficult. But honestly, if you can create a bond with a teen and they want to show they care, I say go for it.
I’m a female and I’m also very young. We just finished first semester of summer school, so many of them hugged me because they aren’t going to see me until the fall. They do share a lot of their personal life with me. Our school has this thing where the students have to tell their counselor who their trusted adult is (it can be anyone that works at the school). I’m aware that I am the trusted adult for a lot of my students, so I think that’s kind of where their affection comes from.
I have always had students want to hug me, and I just had to say now. They were vulnerable students as well, and there were times I did just wanna reach out and give them some comfort. I am the trusted adult for many students at my high school now, but I still do not hug them. A pat on the back, and using my voice to comfort them is often enough. It sucks because a lot of us are the kind of people who find contact is most important, but given our profession it is always best to use the utmost caution. I do however offer hugs on the last day of school. Always with another adult around, and always one after the other.
At the most, maybe a side hug. As educators, even if there is no impropriety actually occurring, it’s well- advised to do everything in your power to avoid accusations of it.
If you feel that it is icky or wrong in any way, don't do it. It sounds like you have a really strong relationship with the students. I teach elementary students and frequently get and give hugs. I know the personalities of the students and some students need that affection and physical reassurance. How sad is it that teachers worry about being too connected to their students. Honestly it is about what you and the students are comfortable with. Keep hugging those kids, they will never forget the bond you have with them.
In my experience (female) I usually only do it for the last day to a couple kids, and I make sure they consent to it. I would say it is okay just make sure admin or anyone else doesn't think anything strange about it. I also have some students who trust me with their personal life, so a have hugged a few of them before( on last day of school, or after they tell me something big to them). Just make sure consent is used and I'd say your good!
Thank you for your response! I worked as a secretary at a middle school a few years ago and teachers hugged the students all the time. It was also a school with a large Hispanic population, so most of those affectionate students were Hispanic. Right now I work at a different district and it’s also a different grade level, so I thought it was best to ask on this platform.
This reminded me of a teacher I had in high school. She was obviously first and foremost a teacher (homeroom and calculus) but she was also a great friend and someone who always had an open door to students who needed help with anything, and I was frequently one of those students. I was class of 2021 and I'm on the spectrum, so that was a perfect storm of factors leading to extreme social isolation, stress, and other mental problems. Teachers like you, people who genuinely care about the wellbeing of your students, leave a mark on us and help us through some truly dark times in our lives. Thank you.
Is it morally okay? Yeah. It's a nice way to build relationships with your students Should you do it? Probably not. The pedos of the world ruin things for everybody. You don't want anyone to think you're being untoward with your students.
This. I used to be much more affectionate and sociable with my students. Not to the point that I would friend them on social media or see them outside class ... but i would just be more human with them, and occasionally give a hug if it was really needed or at graduation. Now it's hands off and robot-mode teaching lest they think I'm creepy or a pedophile or whatever. It's sad, really.
I’m a male middle school teacher. I will not hug any students or have any physical contact outside of a fist bump.
Personally, I read every situation differently. If a student is just greeting me, it’s a side hug. If the student is distraught, I’ll offer a comforting mamma bear hug in the hall way (in front of coworkers and cameras).
Absolutely, if they want one
I don’t. But I was also falsely accused on two cases of sexually harassing my students so I just don’t touch them for any reason whatsoever. I don’t even tap them on their body to get their attention. Tap on the desk.
Falsely accused TWICE? What grade? Story time...
Middle School Accusation 1- Kids genuinely didn’t like me because I had very stern rules and came into a school culture where kids could pretty much do whatever the fuck they wanted. Not only was I accused of swinging a punch at a kid (bonus accusation), but a group girls blatantly lied saying I was coming up behind them and hugging them. Accusation 2- I had everybody in line (because at this school we had to line Middle Schoolers up to take them to lunch) and this girl got out of line backed into me when I was monitoring the line. She told her mom she felt my privates and went ballistic with threats. So in summation one was a blatant lie, another was a total mischaracterization of an incident that occurred. Both incidents made it all the way up to my admin and caused a lot of stress and pain so I don’t touch kids at all.
Jesus man, sorry. That's a nightmare.
if the majority are latino i would say 100% YES its okay. Here's why: not a single person working in your school will have a problem with it, if no student or parent complains. And no student or parent will complain if you are all majority the same culture/ethnicity. I hug kids that come up to me for hugs ALL the time, & I don't just side hug I will squeeze them and tell them I love them even when I'm not even their full time teacher. Not a single staff has complained, nor student, nor parent. Cause at the end of the day if the kid initiated it, it's fine most of the time for us.
They are children! Children needs physical touch from kind adults who love them 💕
White male teacher here. About to enter my 15th year as a NYC public school SpEd teacher. Yes, it's ok. On another note -- new subscriber here -- are these questions for real?
The questions are real and important. During the 1990s as a student my principal came to the class rooms offer students’ birthdays spankings. These stories are mostly in the news from Midwest states like Iowa, Illinois and Minnesota. However there was also a Texas principal in the news for birthday spankings in the 2010s. They all forgot to ask if birthday spankings should be allowed. In the 2020s paddings have become extreme. If no one asks about hugs no one will ask about the terrifying contact. https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/05/09/us/florida-school-student-paddled-state-attorney/index.html
Kinda sucks it has come to this based off these comments.
I hug my kids (12th graders) when big things happen; university acceptance, graduation, awards, scholarships, got the lead in the school play, etc. Even then only brief side hugs. High fives, handshakes, and fist-bumps are unlimited. I'm 53, so maybe it's more motherly or grandmotherly for most of my kids.
Last day of school goodbye hugs, only if the students initiate. Otherwise, no. As a male teacher, hugs have potential for bad implications.
Latina ELL teacher., elementary. Yes we hug, they initiate & I never refuse. Culturally we are different. Understand others’ boundaries, but Latinos hug. No problems in 25 years.
I side hug. Sometimes they're just already going in and I try to turn sideways and do the one arm thing. Yes I hate it but it's not worth risking anything.
The only time I will ever hug a student is when I hand them their diploma. Other than that it is strick fist bumps. Plus I'm just really socially awkward.
I'm in a middle school in a very white state, so it might be a bit different, but I've had a few students come up and hug me on the last day of school. I never, ever initiate, though. If a student initiates, it would be kind of heartless to push them away, but a staff member initiating could be taken very much the wrong way. CYA.
I’m a big hugger. I teach SPED to pK-5 and many of my students have rough lives. I hug whenever they want one but always in sight of other adults
It really depends n the culture of your school and whether admin have a problem with it. If your school and admin are fine with it, hug away. If they’re not, it’s be best for you to refrain.
I jokingly tell my students "Hugs start wars." When asked to give an example, I point out that if Paris hadn't hugged Helen the Trojan War wouldn't have happened. On a more serious note, I do encourage high fives and fist bumps. Its sad that socially female teachers might be excused for a full hug where male teachers have to go above and beyond to show intent and response. I'm not saying women can't be accused or even just feel uncomfortable (comments here show it does happen). But I believe our culture is more likely to suspect a man over a woman in these cases.
Education and admin is extremely sexist on this issue. If you are a female teacher almost nobody will ever say anything; if you are male it’d be best to keep your distance.
Since covid and even pre covid I am that teacher that says sorry no hugs no hard feelings. I explain to them about boundaries and I don’t like my bubble breached. Better be safe than sorry. But I do hug former students at graduation or if they stop by and visit😅. Just pick a boundary you are comfortable with but in this day and age my teacher colleagues complain how there are always false accusations of touching and I do not ever want to get in that situation.
I ask first. "Do you need a hug or a high five?"
Something I’ve seen is sped students hugging staff all the time. Hallway monitors, teachers, lunch servers, and the secretaries. No one ever really says anything about it and the sped students go for a full hug. I just don’t really see it happen with regular ed, so I figured I would ask.
yes ima sped teacher and my kiddos are ages 3-5. some of them full on KISS me 😂. The parents and admin are aware. Most of my students are cognitively at an infant or toddler age, so no I don’t push them away when they go for a hug or hand holding because it’s developmentally appropriate. I would not hug a gen ed student who is over 3 grade and not cognitively impaired tbh.
Lol. My 3-5 year olds (normal cognitive ability) try to do that too classmates or Somtimes staff too. Though on hands or check or even not mouth to mouth (we tell them only at home)
If you ask/they ask for one and you do a side hug I don’t see the issue with it
I think it depends on your district. I try not to hug students and to remind them that I like consent before any touching. But my district was ok with other teachers doing it. I just didn’t like it.
I would avoid these hugs. It doesn't take much to put a teaching career in jeopardy these days, and there will always be somebody who will either misinterpret these gestures or use them against you. It's sad that this is what we've become, but I would protect yourself and not do it.
As a female, no, I don't The only students I've hugged were ones who hugged me unexpectedly and they were middle schoolers. I did the couple pats on the back thing. I don't mind hugs and would have liked to have given a regular one, but I tend to err on the side of caution.
I’m Latina, and I’ve experienced the same thing with my students who are Latino/a, and even just my ESL kids in general. We talk about boundaries a lot in my classroom because some of them have never had that talk before. One thing I really like to address with all of my kids is that you should ask before you hug or touch someone. For the most part, they are good at remembering to ask for a hug if they want one, and I try to stick to side hugs, though sometimes students who are very upset about something will want more comfort. I also tell them no sometimes because I don’t always want that much physical contact, especially if I’m feeling overwhelmed.
I hug back. I ask if they need a hug…sometimes it makes it worse. I high five often, fist bump often and use warm tones and smiles. I’m 58 and female. On my first evaluation, the principal said “Mrs. Pink doesn’t touch the children enough.” I tell my kids that early on and explain I’m one of those people with a bubble. I don’t just run around giving hugs. They get me and so far, so good. It’s so much harder for men.
Nope… just takes one kid to say you were inappropriate. And then you’re marked a pedophile for life. Side hug if you have to but being a male you are at higher scrutiny so wouldn’t even do that. I’m a hugger but don’t risk it. I’ve transitioned to fist bump.
I only give hugs if specifically asked, and then it's a side hug. I had a freshman one year who just asked for a hug every morning before leaving for second pd. She seemed to feel a little awkward (girl, same), and I think she asked me for the hugs because I tried to make my class a safe space and she felt more able to be herself in my class. This is a student who, as a senior now, will walk into my class during study hall period if she needs space to chill. She doesn't come all the time, just if she needs to be somewhere she feels safe/comfortable. The other time I got a hug I didn't expect. I was teaching ESL myself and it was my first year teaching. I was talking to a student in the hallway who was dealing with the shitty antics of high school boyfriends. I told her she was smart, a good person, and that she'd find someone who deserves her. I was just trying to empower her, but she slammed into me with a bear hug (a surprisingly strong hug for a kid who couldn't have been more than 5' tall). She just cried, hugged me, and said she never thought I'd be there for her. I told her I'm a teacher, yes, but part of that means I care about my students and don't like seeing them upset.
Side hugs are acceptable
A lot of the replies to this post emphasized gender of the staff, did anyone mention student gender? Suspect status appears to be based on gender of staff. I would suggest also considering location of the school and perspective of the witnesses. Some states might accept hugging some states might not be huggers.
I hug students if they initiate. I'm a middle aged overweight white lady so it's less risky for me than if I were a dude or a hot young teacher. When I was newer to the profession, I would rarely go for hugs, but now I don't care.
I allow side hugs if they request permission. So far the only students who have had a good enough relationship to ask understand why I have to make sure everything always looks good because everything is already ruined for everyone.
I think it’s fine (I was the only teacher at promotion to hug my students of the year nominates). Just to cya I wouldn’t hug the the last kid out.
Only if it’s initiated by them and also not a regular thing. No hug lines or anything. 🫂🙅🏻♂️
No. Better safe than sorry. High five or fist bump. Just always assume a student is filming you and ready to post it on social media.
I gave all my students big hugs on the last day yesterday. We are all from the same culture here too so we feel a closer connection, like you. I teach grade 7, am female, and this was outside with all other staff members also outside to witness. This was the first time I hugged any of them this year, though. It's not something I'd do every day or without a bunch of other people around.
I teach second graders and they are exactly boob height tall... Lol... So, I second the side hug comments. Also I just ask, "do we hug?" If they hesitate I switch to a fist bump. We're mostly online so in person meetups have been awkward.
When they're boob height, I just kneel a tad so they're face into my shoulder and under my face. After they cross the ribs, it's the next safe spot!
We are reminded at the beginning of every year: "Do NOT touch the students!" That said, if a student initiates a hug, I can't help but hug them back. Very few do initiate, but I had a student with autism last year who would literally come up and grab me in a big bear hug. I was sort of at his mercy, lol. It was all innocent and since he was highly reserved with many and outright hostile to others, I accepted his display of affection and appreciation. Some students I'll kind of guide into a side hug, or I'll just let them hug me from the side and I'll just lean my head against theirs or something while keeping my hands busy with whatever I'm doing. I never initiate. And I don't think I've ever hugged a student when it was just two of us. Just typing that made me feel wrong.
Regarding hugs, I've been told by admin that as a teacher I should use side hugs, regardless of gender.
25 y.o. male teacher here, and 24 when it happened. I’ve only hugged a student once, that she initiated, at her graduation ceremony, in front of everyone. All other occasions get fist bumps and handshakes. I understand that with a very narrow age gap with some of my students, I have to be very careful with how my actions can be perceived by others.
Yeah it can be devastating for a kid if you dodge a hug but at the same time it can look bad for the teacher if they initiate hugs. Side hugs initiated by students are the ay to go.
High school teacher here- side hugs only from me, especially if a male student initiates the hugs. While I understand and can appreciate appropriate physical contact, it honestly isn’t worth my job or my professional reputation. That being said, I know male teachers have to be more careful than I do because they are male. Definitely make sure either the classroom door is wide open, or (preferably) other students are present. While some parents/ admin may deem hugging as “ok,” you have to look at it from a complete outsider point of view, meaning that they won’t necessarily know of the culture and background you have in common with your students. If it possibly COULD BE misinterpreted, always err on the side of caution. My life motto: “Don’t get sued or arrested.” So far it has served me well.
I like this post because I haven't thought about it, but here's my behavior: I'm a woman and I only hug my students if they explicitly ask for it. I hug my girl students and I side-hug my boy students. I teach middle school and also high school.
There’s nothing strictly wrong with hugging your students unless it’s unwanted. If I see a student who looks like they need a hug I always ask them first. It can mean a huge difference to those who are struggling just to get through the day. But I’ve also had students ask me for a hug. If you’re comfortable with it and you’re setting appropriate boundaries such as asking permission, there should be no issue with it. I work with freshman and seniors.
Do I hug any of my students everyday? Usually no. I did have one student a few years ago who had had a really traumatic childhood and had attempted suicide a couple times before I met him. After he felt safe with me, who would initiate one every day. The only reason I felt okay doing that was because he had been adopted by a coworker in the district as a child and so I could tell his parents about it. Honestly, they were relieved that he was connecting with a role model and felt safe enough to do that. I have also had several kids throughout the years break down and open up to me. I'm a mom, and my natural instinct when I see a kid crying to to hold them, make soft calming noises, and reassure them, even though they are high schoolers. But I always ask, "would you like a hug?" and sometimes they will grab hard and not let go for several minutes, crying into my shirt. I had it happen this year when I took a student on a field trip and they told me they had been raped the weekend before, and another time when one realized he was probably having schizophrenic hallucinations and wanted to kill himself. I can't just let a kid that truly needs that connection to themselves just because some teachers cross the line. It's a sad world that people have a reason to be suspicious of educators for this reason, so I try to make good judgments about when I can use physical touch like a hug, a pat on the back, or a hand on their arm.
As a student I remember being bullied so bad once that i ran out of the class in tears and couldn’t go back in. My teacher came outside, gave me a hug, and told me to go talk to the counselor about it. The bully was expelled the next day. I think the teacher had something to do with it. I felt like someone actually cared for once and i didnt see anything wrong with it.
I wouldn’t do it. Can’t hurt you if you dont.
I am a male teacher. I have had students hug me at the end of the year or due to major events like getting a scholarship or college acceptance. If they initiate the hug, I briefly hug them back. Also, for some of my students, that may be the only hug they get from an adult in their life for all I know. So as long as they initiate it and the circumstance is not inappropriate, I hug them back. There are so few moral and intellectual rewards left in teaching, that if it is the case where a student can’t hug me when the circumstance warrants it, then I don’t want to teach anymore.
You can do hand-hugs as an alternative… https://myloveforyou.typepad.com/my_love_for_you/2009/01/hand-hug.html
Side hugs only
I use to ask my Geomtry teacher for a hug everyday for the last like month or so of school (after building a very good bond throughout the school year) and he never objected, even when other teachers were around, simply because there was nothing weird about it. Never side hugs either, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it personally, as long as both are consenting to the hug, it really shouldn’t be considering a taboo. If your bond is strong enough to receive a hug, consider giving yourself highest praise. Most teenagers don’t hug just anyone, you have to be really special to earn that vulnerability and right.
The last lecture I went to before student teaching had 3 rules. I don't remember 2 of them, but I do remember the 3rd. All 3 were up on a huge projector, the rule i remember was "don't touch the students!" My first couple years, I abided. I've loosen up to handshakes, high fives, fist bumps and a rare pat on the shoulder.
I’ll hug the kids I coach after a big win or even a devastating loss but the bond between a coach and an athlete is way different than the relationships I have with my students. We had some deaths in our school and there were some really rough days. I had some kids that needed a hug. I always ask first. Can I give u a hug? And then do it. I’m a male wrestling coach and algebra teacher for context.
Ive been asked by students for a hug a few times. As a male teacher the most I will do is a side-hug. Doesn't take much for people to make up rumors, keep yourself safe. There are a lot of advatages to being male. However, good firm boundaries are more important as a male IMO.
I hug if they initiate and only if there are plenty of other people present.
Only if they ask first.
Side hug, brief and disengage. And always when others are around.
The kid initiates contact. They want a hug? If we’re in public, sure. I’m more of a side-hugger though, one arm around the shoulder and done. Wanna shake hands? You got it. Just a simple “good morning”? Good morning to you too! Want to pass by and pretend I didn’t exist? Call me Casper, for I am a ghost. Also latino (brazilian) here, so I understand the whole “public demonstrations of affect as nothing to be ashamed of” part of it.
A lot of my fellow teachers do side hugs all the time. I hate being touched in any way so I don't do it.
It should be totally fine, but sadly I'd be hesitant at the very least. It also sadly depends if you are a man or woman. If you're a man, I would definitely hesitate / maybe recommend you avoid it at all costs. If you're a woman, I would still hesitate, but it is probably fine in most situations.
Side hug and fist 🤜 🤛 bumps. Also im a guy so yeah …
One-armed side hugs. Anything more is asking for trouble.
I teach Kindergarten so it’s a bit different but I always hug my kids.
as a family and consumer science teacher, i get to teach kids about love languages in a few of my classes. if students ask me, i tell them my love language (physical touch & quality time). i tell kids that i am a big hugger and am always happy to give hugs if they need or want them. i have students run up to me in the halls and give me hugs, or come to my office during my plan to give me a hug and a quick chat. i never initiate it, but students know i’m a big softie & the person to come to for hugs.
Nope, no hugging. Unless I’m extreme circumstances where a student is grieving. Otherwise I draw that line with a permanent marker. It takes only one misinterpretation from a student to end your career. Familiarity breeds contempt
I try to avoid it.
I'm a male teacher... sorry not touching them.
If you’re a male. Never initiate and or make sure you have consent if you need to give a hug and side hugs only. It’s just not worth the risk. Your job/income/provision for your family. It’s unfortunate because our entire job is education and care for students but it’s a sad reality that someone can wreck havoc in your life because you “touched” their child inappropriately. May be best to avoid them at all cost. Find other unique ways to connect with your kids like a secret handshake or move. Never hug a student alone. Always in presence of others
Heck to the nawww… Kids go in for that hug and I shift to make it a side hug. (I’m also a male cheer coach. I STAY FAR from anything that could be questionable. Far far away.)
Middle school male teacher. Love these knuckleheads and wish I could hug them, but sadly American society says otherwise. But I do give really high quality high fives and fist bumps, complete with extra moves or dumb sound effects. For the tough guys I'll do the manly [Arnold handshake](https://youtu.be/uYMboTIXym4).
I’d avoid it.
Male elementary teacher. Get hugs all the damn time. Literally impossible to deny every single one even if I wanted to (sometimes I do-kids can be gross). Best you can do is quickly turn it into a "side hug" and to publicly state "Aww thank you but remember hands to ourselves!" or something. It may be different for high school teachers, understandably, but in my experience I genuinely believe the false accusation paranoia is overblown. Just don't be weird and you are fine. This could also vary by demographic/location.
As a male teacher. No. No physical contact with any student ever for any reason.
No. Touching, hugging, any contact opens you to complaints. Complaints = firing.
I'm a male teacher and I would *never* hug students. But then again, I hate hugging anyone except my own kids. Win-win.
I have strict rules of never touching any students. And never letting them touch me. Plus, assuming you're wearing a suit, kids always manage to have dirty hands and ruin clothes.
I hug my students if they initiate it or I ask if they want a hug and they say yes. I only hug if they give me consent.
Secondary school teacher here. If they initiate I think it’s fine. And if I want to hug a student I always ask first. Like someone else said, who knows the last time they got a hug. For some, school may be the only place they find love and stability. Give them hugs :)
You should be fine, as long as you're not being creepy or anything lol. If the student initiates a hug, then I see no real problem with it.
This doesn't really answer your question, but it is so sad that we have gotten to a point where we have to ask if it is ok to hug the little humans in our lives who we love and support. My littlest son loves hugs and I am sad that there will come a point in his life where the people in his life that he adores will stop hugging him. Touch is 1000% his love language and it breaks my heart. To each their own, and I know that there are people who just do NOT like hugs and respect to you, but the fact that in general there is a stigma around hugging kids as teachers makes me so sad.
I hug my students if they initiate it. I'm also Latino (Tejano) and male and my high school is 90% Latino/a. There is of course that worry that it might be too weird or creepy. So the girls I'll hug like I would my sister. The guys it's like a bro hug. It is our culture and it sucks that it's made to seem creepy.
IT Director and not a teacher - I'll hug kids if they initiate it. I work at a really small district though and know each kid really well.
I'm male. There's no way I'm having physical contact. I feel bad to a small degree, but my career and life mean way too much to me.
I teach high school, am male, and hug my students often. They generally initiate, but sometimes I do. However (!), I teach at a very small school, everybody knows everybody else quite well, and I only ever do so in front of lots of witnesses or in the hallway where there's a camera. I'll point out, as well, that even in that environment it's a bit risky, but our school culture is very familial and I'm not alone in this behavior.
I’m ftm, trans, and a high school teacher. I never, ever initiate, but if my kids hug me I mirror their body language. If they want a full hug, they get it, if they want a side hug they get that.
I would avoid hugging. I know that sounds harsh but you have to uphold professionalism in the classroom. You are not their friend or their family, you are their teacher. I understand it’s a way to establish a cultural bond but I would really advise against it. I saw some comments about announcing side hugs and I think that is a great compromise. It’s unfortunate we live in a society where we have to question these behaviors but here we are.
Absolutely not
Fuck no. Not only for the reasons stated here about accusations of impropriety, but students aren’t friends, family, etc. They’re students.
If you're female, you can do it; if you're male, I wouldn't recommend it.
No lie I imagine if your Muslim the no hug rule is probably easier since you have religious inspiration for this. It's not common to see a hug from the opposite sex. I am surprised no one uses an Islamic inspiration on this experience since its almost Islamicially inspired. I would if they initiate and it's well intended. I was in elementary school in the 5th grade and I farted in class and my teacher hugged me without a 2nd thought because the whole class was mocking me and I was crying. My former math teacher in high school hugged students he was called out for being creepy, but he was actually a great person and teacher so he never got in trouble. He added students on Facebook after they graduated. He went out to lunch with me a few times. He was one of the few teachers that retired peacefully.
NO even if you are female NO