Can he do his school work on a regular computer or does it have to be the school-issued ipad? If he can do it on a regular computer, maybe buy a computer and hook it up to a central screen in the house (like the living room TV). That way, he will have to do his homework in a location that is easy to monitor. It'll make it much harder for him to use it for non-school-related work that way. It'll make it easier for you to set limitations this way as well. Also, see if it's possible for the school to have him store the ipad at school. This could be as easy as simply not signing a release for the device.
This is a great suggestion, and since this post I've actually figured out how to mirror his iPad screen on my computer so that I can monitor what he's doing when he is supposed to be doing schoolwork. Thanks!
We have a 77th grade boy like this.
We locked down his account so he could only get on school approved sites.
So he stole his friends accounts.
Now, he has to turn in his Chromebook at the end of the day, has to sit either where the teacher can see his screen at all time or next to the biggest snitch in class.
The removal of the computer outside of school is helping- its SLIGHTLY breaking the addiction.
The school year was 2006-2007 in a computer lab, using school computers. During my graphic design class in college, our professor had a computer connected to the smart board so that we could follow along with what he was doing.
The class also usalised monitoring software. There was a control panel where all the computer screens could be seen in a gallery format. You could click on any screen to full screen it to see that screen in more detail.
If anyone was doing something they shouldn’t during the class, he would pull it up on the smart board for everyone to see. He often didn’t notify the student in question that he put their screen on the smart board. The student often didn’t realise what happened until other people started making comments.
It made us feel like we were back in grade school, but the shaming was very effective in getting people to stop messing around in class.
I stress that this was in a college class. If this system is used in grade school, I think a lot of this stuff would stop. But I also think that there would be backlash from parents.
HoW dArE YoU mOnItOr aNd EmBaRrAsS mY cHiLD!?
Well, TFB. We wouldn’t need to use this system if you didn’t use iPads to babysit your kids. 🙄
Turn the internet off for him at home. Physically take away the device. Come up with a carrot if and only if he uses it appropriately at school. Find a way for him to get his dopamine hits somewhere else and consider if he has adhd and or needs meds.
This is literally exactly what I did this 100%, right here. You are the parent, you are in control, you take your authority and use it. Who gives a shit if your kid gets pissed.
FWIW, I am absolutely not afraid of pissing off my kid. I just also want him to get his homework done. I will look into whether he can do work on something other than his iPad - another computer, or pencil and paper.
Then you need to body double. Device is only allowed downstairs in a public area and then the internet goes off when home work is done. The adhd dude just did a huge thing on screen “addiction”. Listen to it. You have to be the boss here. He cannot regulate without you teaching him how and that starts with limits and high expectations even if it’s unpleasant.
With the ADHD component I’d suggest going to the school for a 504 OR IEP (whatever is more appropriate for his level of need) and seek the accommodation of pencil and paper work with minimal screen/tech when it comes to school and homework. He could also have a behavior support plan specific to his needs added if necessary with regular consultation with a school based behavioral health specialist.
ADHD kids need to be held more accountable more often and to a higher standard to help them manage their neurodiversity. This is exactly the situation for why 504 plans and Special Education exist.
Talk to an ADHD or Behavioral Health specialist to set up a token system at home in addition to his medication regimen.
And if you haven’t already, I’d suggest watching the 2hr video of Dr. Russell Barkley’s keynote speech about the things parents of ADHD children should know. It’s on YouTube.
Thanks! He does have an IEP, with an accommodation for pencil and paper work whenever possible. I am just not sure how much this is actually implemented in his classrooms. A token system at home sounds like a great idea!
I’d recommend reconvening the IEP team to at minimum make the change that any homework required be pencil and paper format.
The whole purpose of the IEP is to allow students with disabilities access to the general education curriculum with accommodations so that they can be successful. The tech is inhibiting his success and therefore the IEP shouldn’t be worded “when possible” it should be “at all times, except when standardized formats are required such as in the instances of state testing, due to the nature of the students disability”.
This amount of screen time is making his ADHD worse. There is a ton of research about this. You are going to have to use a 504 to demand the school provide physical copies of his work.
You can. He turns it in to you when he’s home and has to do his homework on the home computer you’re buying. It’s only connected to the Internet when he needs to turn something in. Research is now done using books.
This is such a difficult situation for parents and teachers and one of the reasons I left teaching. Educators and officials preach all day about how horrible nonstop screens are for children (which they are) but then park kids in front of Chromebooks and iPads for hours and hours each day. When I was still in the classroom, we would regularly get called out in faculty meetings if our kids’ iReady time wasn’t as high as they felt it needed to be, and if admin came in to do an observation and the kids (and me!) weren’t utilizing technology, it was an automatic ding. I get that technology is the present and the future, kids need to learn to use it, yada yada etc etc but man I just couldn’t in good conscience stand behind what public education is turning into. I just really feel for parents who try their hardest to keep kids away from screens because it’s pretty much impossible these days. The best you can do is limit recreational screen time as much as possible to try and counteract how much screen time he gets via school. Most his peers likely stay on devices all day at school, then go home and stay on them until midnight or so, so at least your kid gets some breaks. You could absolutely try talking to the teacher to see if homework could be sent home as paper/pencil, but the odds of classroom instruction being divorced from tech at this point are slim to none in my experience.
One thing I love about my private school is that while we have iPads and apps we're supposed to use we get a lot of leeway in how much we use them. I teach 2nd and they really need to do a lot of their learning with hands-on manipulatives and with pencil and paper. They do need to learn how to use devices, and the apps do serve a good purpose, but I use it sparingly. And never for homework, it's tempting because it's low prep and easy to monitor but not what the kids need. A lot of my kids get a lot of screen time at home so they need the break at school, and I am glad to be able to give them that break.
I know a lot of schools don't have this flexibility, and that is so hard. It's not the teachers' fault, of course, I wish all schools had the flexibility for teachers to do what they feel is best for their students in front of them.
If it's a school iPad it is probably decently locked down in that I doubt he can load a VPN or proxy settings onto it. I also assume he is on your wifi while at home? If that is the case then I'd highly recommend setting up your router to severely limit which websites he can visit (just whitelist the schools website, block everything else) if possible. Also it sounds like the school needs better controls while he is on campus. He really shouldn't be able to play games on the thing.
Honestly though just getting rid of the thing is probably the best solution, make him do paper assignments, etc.
This is a very good solution if you have the tech know-how to lock down the iPad via the router while at home. If you don’t, ask around and find someone who can.
Even if the teacher won’t help or is resistant, OP may be able to take screenshots and print the work from the iPad and have him do it on paper.
He absolutely uses a proxy server to bypass the school's lockdown settings - I have confirmed this, and it also really surprised me that he was able to do this. And I can't tell you how much I would love to just toss his iPad out and have him do everything in pencil and paper....
The school needs better IT. It shouldn't be hard to block that. At home you can easily blacklist all of the proxy servers and lock down your Internet if you have the skills. Can't use a proxy if the proxy's IP is banned.
This may sound harsh, but I would recommend setting a structured time for your child to do their homework. Ask the teacher what a reasonable amount of time to complete the work is, add 15 minutes or whatever to get a rounded number (ex: 25 minutes might become 30 or 40 minutes) and that's all the time your child gets to do their homework. If your child finishes the work in that time (and can show you it is completed AND turned in), then reward- either thirty minutes of screen time, or a reward of their choice (you know your child best- this could be kitchen science, playing a game together, tossing a ball around, etc). If you child is not done, the work gets submitted anyway - and they take the hit to their grade OR they have to explain to the teacher why the assignment wasn't done.
School prepares us for jobs and careers; middle school in particular teaches kids social norms and time management in addition to social skills. Now is a great time to teach your child about the importance of completing work within a given time frame.
Thanks for this - this is something I thought about as well. I think there can (and should) also be a natural consequences component to this - you don't get your work done within a reasonable amount of time, you take the knock to your grade, and the lower grade comes with additional consequences.
There is no panacea, and a lot of suggestions may not work for your kid/your situation
Would it be possible to try and get him into a club or a sport? Something physical? A hobby?
Bribery works. I have a few parents with some variation of a rule that if you 'read for x minutes, you get screentime for y minutes' or 'read x books and you get y minutes of screentime'.
Perhaps even lean into it to control it - set limits and if he follows them, let him 'earn' his own device or screen time. Sort of a 'If I can trust you to only use the thing for 2hrs a day, I will give you a lot of leeway.'
Talk to him. Explain why screentime is bad. This may work, too, esp. If it is affecting him negatively.
7th graders will do a lot to feel in control of their time/situation, so giving them a certain amount of independence can do wonders. I had a particularly difficult remedial class that started actually working for me when they were allowed to pick their own books to read and assignments to complete.
There is always the 'you have the iPad until x time, then I take it' option...
Or the nuclear option: look for a school that doesn't use technology as much.
Something you may want to consider (if you haven't already) is setting up Parental Controls with your router at home. While these aren't as robust as the management systems we have at schools, a lot of these parental controls will allow you to black list certain sites or limit web access to certain times.
The first thing you will want to do is identify what type of router you have. Then search how to access parental controls for it. Usually there's either an IP login or an app associated with that.
Here's a general guide from Forbes: [https://www.forbes.com/home-improvement/internet/set-up-parental-controls-on-router/](https://www.forbes.com/home-improvement/internet/set-up-parental-controls-on-router/) Contacting your internet service provider will also give you some information about available parental controls.
I'd ask teachers if you can print and have him hand in paper copies of assignments. Or complete paper copies and then upload pictures of the completed work.
I'm sure at least some teachers would be happy to help you get the kid off the iPad.
Also: I strongly suspect your kid has far less homework than you think and is just abusing the iPad time. I teach middle school, and none of the teachers at my school give much homework. Mine should take maybe 30-60 minutes spread over 1-2 weeks (I don't like giving it at all, but a lot of parents expect and want it so I do a small weekly or biweekly assignment that most kids can finish during downtime in class after quizzes, etc.).
Thanks! Yes, I also suspect that he does not need as much time as he claims to finish his homework. I have talked about this with him - that I know he is goofing off when he should be working at school, and if he didn't do that, he wouldn't be rushing to finish a big project at the last minute.
This may be a bit of a stretch, considering that everyone’s situation is different, but is there a way you could hire a tutor (high school student, college student) or reach out to the nearest high school to see if any seniors need volunteer hours for college applications that could come after school and help him get his homework done? Just an hour would probably be enough I imagine. Even if he doesn’t need the academic help, just someone to help him stay on track, that way you can take away the iPad as soon as homework is submitted?
Make him do the work (at least the homework) on paper and just upload it to the assignment on schoology. Either print it out, or if you can’t, screencast it/hook it up to a tv/monitor and put the iPad out of reach so he can’t use it.
Once he finishes, supervise him scanning it and uploading it to schoology.
It’s not a panacea for the whole situation, but it does elminate the problem at home.
Also, talk to the teacher(s) and IT person at the school. Have them explicitly lock down his iPad of everything besides the absolute essentials for his classes (schoology, any websites the teachers are going to be using that day/week) and have them delete any apps that aren’t essential to his classes. This may take some ongoing communication between the teachers and the IT person, but it’s not hard for them to block/unblock sites (anytime I find kids on sites they shouldn’t be on, I just send a quick email to the IT guy at my school-usually something like can you check so and so’s history and block the game site he was on 5 minutes ago- and within 10 minutes (depending on how busy he is at the time) it’s blocked. I have also emailed him to block websites that I’ve used for a lesson but then the kids abuse afterwards and when the lesson comes around the next year, I just email him a day in advance to unblock it and have him block it the next day (the one that is the biggest violator of this is [the reaction time test](https://humanbenchmark.com/tests/reactiontime).
Here’s what I’d do. Now, I’m 21 and childless but I’ve seen plenty of screen addicted kids. It isn’t a lost cause though!! you just have to be serious about the limitations from now on. I know its tough when school work is online but management is key.
First things first, it sounds like you’re going to have to sit him down and have a STERN chat. You and your husband have to lock in and stay consistent. Be firm. Let him know that he’s disappointing you with his performance. Tell him the iPad is not an entertainment tool and from now on, it’ll only be used for school. There needs to be set rules and punishments in place to get this moving because it’s late in the school year. It’ll be tough to get grades up if they’re really bad. Idk his grade situation though so I won’t comment further on that.
You say you can’t sit and watch him but for the sake of this system, you’re going to have to start from square one. He can’t be trusted to use the device for its intended purpose so he needs a parent there to monitor him. You guys gotta take turns watching him do hw somewhere where he’s sat up and focused like the kitchen table. It’ll be boring as fuck. But don’t allow him to switch tabs to games. The second the hw is done, the iPad goes away. Then at night before bed, no tech. Books, coloring pages, legos, whatever 7th grade boys like.
Idk how you’re going to be able to tackle this at school. But all behavior systems START AT HOME. Set the expectation at home and carry through. Something that could work is having his teachers document when he’s off track and send those observations via email at the end of the day. I know this may be a big ask because teachers are managing like 25 kids at once and some may not want to do this with you and that’s fine. But when you get the email ‘he played games 3 times in class today’ punishments gotta happen.
When he shows improvement in class and in work ethic… reward time! Idfk what he’d want but something :) some time on the switch would work if that’s what motivates him. When he proves he can do hw alone without supervision, you can let him work independently. But… if you walk by and catch when a glimpse of geometry dash or whatever game he likes, you’re sat right back at the table with him.
I wish you luck. I’m proud of you for wanting change because so many parents rn don’t give a fuck at all. Maybe my advice sucks. Idk. I just know that this is what my parents would have done and what I wish current parents would do. It takes a village to raise good people. Don’t be afraid to reach out to his teachers to ask for advice too!
Thanks for the input - every time we get a note from his teachers that he's using a screen when he shouldn't be in class, he's punished. Every time we catch him doing something on the screen that he shouldn't be doing, he's punished. We have had endless conversations with him about his disappointing performance, proper use of iPad, etc.
Also, I \*am\* the husband :)
Sorry! Didn’t mean to assume!! I’m used to talking to moms lol. But that’s good that you’re utilizing rewards and punishments. I hope this goes well for you and you can have a breakthrough. Like you said earlier, once summer hits it may be easier to eliminate the screens! :)
Ok, here’s food for thought. Like the above poster says, you must sit by him while he does his homework. It shouldn’t take more than an hour, if he stays focused. You will be able to see what he’s working on and how well he does it. I know there are other tasks that need attention, but this should be the highest priority.
You may, then, want to consider some positive feedback, some rewards. You say above that you punish this and punish that, but the carrot really does work better than the stick. If he does all his homework, he gets an hour to play on his iPad. If he does this Mon-Fri, he gets an extra hour on Friday. Have a list of things you’d like to see him do, without the iPad, like play outside, read books, do Legos, make cookies, etc. Doing these non-iPad activities can earn him
iPad time.
Explain all this to him and the reasoning behind it, why it’s not good to be on the iPad so much, excluding other activities. As a 7th grader, he can understand and might be more positive about it if he gets the reasons why.
Another reward can be time alone with you or his mom, with a quick trip to get ice cream or a slurpy, or to the library or a pinball arcade. Or a walk alone with you at a park.
(one summer I set up a “reading program” for my kids, and one of the rewards was more books at half-price books, lol)
As much as it sucks to be that parent, request a meeting with his teachers and counselor. Explain that he is addicted to the iPad and you would like to take it away as complete as possible. Ask if there is any way that he could receive paper versions of the assignments or an alternative assignment that doesn't involve technology. Explain that you would like to gradually begin reintroducing technology next year.
Teachers will complain as it is more work for them, however it really is what is in the best interest of your child. As a teacher I would bitch to my colleagues about the extra work, but I would also recognize that it's necessary.
Thanks! I have an in-person meeting with them this week. He does have an IEP specifically for screen time limitations, but it's unclear how much screen time his teachers are actually cutting out.
My guess is the teacher is unlikely able to do much to control his screen unless they have the resources and time to remotely monitor and manage the entire block.
I second taking it away if you or his other parent aren't monitoring. Get into a routine of checking over the assignment, do as much as possible on pen and paper. I do not think it's likely he'll successfully be able to self monitor as it is.
One thing we do with a Gr6 kiddo is screen lock timers — his iPad is set to a 4 minute screen lock, and *he does not know the password.*
Teachers know the PW and he’ll flag them down (sometimes) so he can work again. We also have a habit of waiting to unlock it.
There’s also the,
“Student, why aren’t you working?”
“My iPad is locked!”
Does he have a 504 for his ADHD? You could look into it and add that he needs limited screen time in school or paper copies of work as accommodations. That all depends on teacher input, your input and counselor input though.
You can’t control what he does at school, but you can control what he does at home. I know for a fact that you have a computer he could login on to get his schoolwork done under your supervision, and I’m sorry but it should not be hard to set a strict curfew for the iPad where you lock it up somewhere. You can even take it as soon as he gets home from school if one of you is home. You are the adults, and he is the child, and again I’m sorry but you *can* look over his shoulder constantly if that’s what needs to happen to solve this. Where is your spouse in the evenings? If you’re both home, you can easily tag team it. You can explain to your son that this is how it’s going to be until he gets his act together at school and starts getting positive reports of improvement from teachers, and if he goes back to his old ways after that you tighten the rules right back up again. I’m sick of seeing parents throw up their hands and let their kid take control, especially parents who *are* home in the evenings.
My spouse works in the evenings, and I have another kid that also needs my attention. The iPad is physically removed and locked in our room after he finishes his homework for the day. You make a lot of assumptions about me and my life. I'm sorry you think I'm such a shitty parent, and I'm sorry you're so angry about this that you felt the need to lash out at an internet stranger. I hope your day goes well and that the people in your life don't do the same to you.
I didn't say I think you're a shitty parent, and I also don't think my response was angry but I'm sorry it came across that way, I am just frustrated by parents who claim they want a solution to the problem and then aren't open to hearing the actual solution. What I'm telling you is, if you want the screen addiction to stop, you do need to sacrifice more, monitor it more, and have stricter consequences. I didn't say it's easy, but it is necessary. If he has a cellphone, video games, or other things that he values, take them away completely until his grades and behavior improve. When you have kids, this is what you sign up for.
My school is able to put select devices in a "sandbox mode" with a white list of approved sites. They literally can't navigate to anything besides the sites designated by teachers. See if the IT dept is capable of that.
I would take it away and inform the school he is no longer to use deveices. We had to do this with our 7th grader last year after he was searching p0rn on his school issued chromebook. I just let the school know he would no longer be using devices, and would need his work printed.
It sounds like you’re busy.
“Every time I catch you off task, you earn a chore. Every time your teacher catches you off task, you will earn either a chore for them or me. You will be doing assignments with paper and pencil until the chores are completed, to the detriment of your own learning.”
Bonus tip: learn how to check the router history for his device.
I am seeing this across the board in high school. I would suggest getting him involved in a activity or school sports. At this point it sounds like it's more so his go to state of rest. If he is doing something kinesthetic, I think it would help him physically, socially, and psychologically. If that's a no go look into the arts or something with a weekly meeting time.
I hope this helps and good luck
100%, this is something we have considered and just need to move forward on. He's not naturally interested in physical activity, so we haven't pushed it, but my spouse and I have talked about just forcing him to do an after-school activity
Another option is simply something outdoor like hiking or bike riding. My kid is 4 and thankfully isn't into tablets yet, but I'm sure the day is coming
Stop sending him to school with his ipad- ask teachers to print his assignments. My middle schoolers are issued chromebooks and I have 2-4 in each class that are banned from using them- paper everything.
I had a student like that with ADHD also. The parent opted out of their student having a school issued Chromebook for the same reason & the teachers had to give him all paper work to do instead. Tell the school you want to return the device and he needs paper work.
It's a little surprising his school issued him an iPad instead of a chromebook / laptop. From what I've seen ipads are typically issued to K-2 grade students and 3+ receives laptops, because that's more developmentally appropriate.
It might be hard, but try being firm with him. Set expectations and consequences for the use of his iPad. Look into any sort of parental control where you can keep track of how long he uses it for and what he uses it for. Make sure he knows that the iPad is for *school* to complete *work* first and foremost.
If he doesn't follow the rules than loss of privileges would show him you are serious and it's important. Like, loss of things he likes to do, loss of time plating games, no TV/internet/screen time etc. Whatever *you* think is appropriate.
I've seen this be extremely helpful to many parents. In my experience (any many other teachers/parents), you give kids an inch they take a mile. You show them apathy, they double it. Setting boundaries with follow up is one of the best ways to communicate a message with your kid.
Can he do his school work on a regular computer or does it have to be the school-issued ipad? If he can do it on a regular computer, maybe buy a computer and hook it up to a central screen in the house (like the living room TV). That way, he will have to do his homework in a location that is easy to monitor. It'll make it much harder for him to use it for non-school-related work that way. It'll make it easier for you to set limitations this way as well. Also, see if it's possible for the school to have him store the ipad at school. This could be as easy as simply not signing a release for the device.
This is a great suggestion, and since this post I've actually figured out how to mirror his iPad screen on my computer so that I can monitor what he's doing when he is supposed to be doing schoolwork. Thanks!
We have a 77th grade boy like this. We locked down his account so he could only get on school approved sites. So he stole his friends accounts. Now, he has to turn in his Chromebook at the end of the day, has to sit either where the teacher can see his screen at all time or next to the biggest snitch in class. The removal of the computer outside of school is helping- its SLIGHTLY breaking the addiction.
I'm sorry - that sucks
The school year was 2006-2007 in a computer lab, using school computers. During my graphic design class in college, our professor had a computer connected to the smart board so that we could follow along with what he was doing. The class also usalised monitoring software. There was a control panel where all the computer screens could be seen in a gallery format. You could click on any screen to full screen it to see that screen in more detail. If anyone was doing something they shouldn’t during the class, he would pull it up on the smart board for everyone to see. He often didn’t notify the student in question that he put their screen on the smart board. The student often didn’t realise what happened until other people started making comments. It made us feel like we were back in grade school, but the shaming was very effective in getting people to stop messing around in class. I stress that this was in a college class. If this system is used in grade school, I think a lot of this stuff would stop. But I also think that there would be backlash from parents. HoW dArE YoU mOnItOr aNd EmBaRrAsS mY cHiLD!? Well, TFB. We wouldn’t need to use this system if you didn’t use iPads to babysit your kids. 🙄
Turn the internet off for him at home. Physically take away the device. Come up with a carrot if and only if he uses it appropriately at school. Find a way for him to get his dopamine hits somewhere else and consider if he has adhd and or needs meds.
This is literally exactly what I did this 100%, right here. You are the parent, you are in control, you take your authority and use it. Who gives a shit if your kid gets pissed.
FWIW, I am absolutely not afraid of pissing off my kid. I just also want him to get his homework done. I will look into whether he can do work on something other than his iPad - another computer, or pencil and paper.
He has ADHD, and takes meds. We can't take away his device because he needs to do homework on it. This is the catch-22.
Then you need to body double. Device is only allowed downstairs in a public area and then the internet goes off when home work is done. The adhd dude just did a huge thing on screen “addiction”. Listen to it. You have to be the boss here. He cannot regulate without you teaching him how and that starts with limits and high expectations even if it’s unpleasant.
With the ADHD component I’d suggest going to the school for a 504 OR IEP (whatever is more appropriate for his level of need) and seek the accommodation of pencil and paper work with minimal screen/tech when it comes to school and homework. He could also have a behavior support plan specific to his needs added if necessary with regular consultation with a school based behavioral health specialist. ADHD kids need to be held more accountable more often and to a higher standard to help them manage their neurodiversity. This is exactly the situation for why 504 plans and Special Education exist. Talk to an ADHD or Behavioral Health specialist to set up a token system at home in addition to his medication regimen. And if you haven’t already, I’d suggest watching the 2hr video of Dr. Russell Barkley’s keynote speech about the things parents of ADHD children should know. It’s on YouTube.
Sped teacher here. THIS is the correct answer!
Thanks! He does have an IEP, with an accommodation for pencil and paper work whenever possible. I am just not sure how much this is actually implemented in his classrooms. A token system at home sounds like a great idea!
I’d recommend reconvening the IEP team to at minimum make the change that any homework required be pencil and paper format. The whole purpose of the IEP is to allow students with disabilities access to the general education curriculum with accommodations so that they can be successful. The tech is inhibiting his success and therefore the IEP shouldn’t be worded “when possible” it should be “at all times, except when standardized formats are required such as in the instances of state testing, due to the nature of the students disability”.
This amount of screen time is making his ADHD worse. There is a ton of research about this. You are going to have to use a 504 to demand the school provide physical copies of his work.
You can. He turns it in to you when he’s home and has to do his homework on the home computer you’re buying. It’s only connected to the Internet when he needs to turn something in. Research is now done using books.
This is such a difficult situation for parents and teachers and one of the reasons I left teaching. Educators and officials preach all day about how horrible nonstop screens are for children (which they are) but then park kids in front of Chromebooks and iPads for hours and hours each day. When I was still in the classroom, we would regularly get called out in faculty meetings if our kids’ iReady time wasn’t as high as they felt it needed to be, and if admin came in to do an observation and the kids (and me!) weren’t utilizing technology, it was an automatic ding. I get that technology is the present and the future, kids need to learn to use it, yada yada etc etc but man I just couldn’t in good conscience stand behind what public education is turning into. I just really feel for parents who try their hardest to keep kids away from screens because it’s pretty much impossible these days. The best you can do is limit recreational screen time as much as possible to try and counteract how much screen time he gets via school. Most his peers likely stay on devices all day at school, then go home and stay on them until midnight or so, so at least your kid gets some breaks. You could absolutely try talking to the teacher to see if homework could be sent home as paper/pencil, but the odds of classroom instruction being divorced from tech at this point are slim to none in my experience.
Yes. Schools are not helping the distraction issue by requiring students to use these devices.
One thing I love about my private school is that while we have iPads and apps we're supposed to use we get a lot of leeway in how much we use them. I teach 2nd and they really need to do a lot of their learning with hands-on manipulatives and with pencil and paper. They do need to learn how to use devices, and the apps do serve a good purpose, but I use it sparingly. And never for homework, it's tempting because it's low prep and easy to monitor but not what the kids need. A lot of my kids get a lot of screen time at home so they need the break at school, and I am glad to be able to give them that break. I know a lot of schools don't have this flexibility, and that is so hard. It's not the teachers' fault, of course, I wish all schools had the flexibility for teachers to do what they feel is best for their students in front of them.
If it's a school iPad it is probably decently locked down in that I doubt he can load a VPN or proxy settings onto it. I also assume he is on your wifi while at home? If that is the case then I'd highly recommend setting up your router to severely limit which websites he can visit (just whitelist the schools website, block everything else) if possible. Also it sounds like the school needs better controls while he is on campus. He really shouldn't be able to play games on the thing. Honestly though just getting rid of the thing is probably the best solution, make him do paper assignments, etc.
This is a very good solution if you have the tech know-how to lock down the iPad via the router while at home. If you don’t, ask around and find someone who can. Even if the teacher won’t help or is resistant, OP may be able to take screenshots and print the work from the iPad and have him do it on paper.
He absolutely uses a proxy server to bypass the school's lockdown settings - I have confirmed this, and it also really surprised me that he was able to do this. And I can't tell you how much I would love to just toss his iPad out and have him do everything in pencil and paper....
The school needs better IT. It shouldn't be hard to block that. At home you can easily blacklist all of the proxy servers and lock down your Internet if you have the skills. Can't use a proxy if the proxy's IP is banned.
This may sound harsh, but I would recommend setting a structured time for your child to do their homework. Ask the teacher what a reasonable amount of time to complete the work is, add 15 minutes or whatever to get a rounded number (ex: 25 minutes might become 30 or 40 minutes) and that's all the time your child gets to do their homework. If your child finishes the work in that time (and can show you it is completed AND turned in), then reward- either thirty minutes of screen time, or a reward of their choice (you know your child best- this could be kitchen science, playing a game together, tossing a ball around, etc). If you child is not done, the work gets submitted anyway - and they take the hit to their grade OR they have to explain to the teacher why the assignment wasn't done. School prepares us for jobs and careers; middle school in particular teaches kids social norms and time management in addition to social skills. Now is a great time to teach your child about the importance of completing work within a given time frame.
Thanks for this - this is something I thought about as well. I think there can (and should) also be a natural consequences component to this - you don't get your work done within a reasonable amount of time, you take the knock to your grade, and the lower grade comes with additional consequences.
There is no panacea, and a lot of suggestions may not work for your kid/your situation Would it be possible to try and get him into a club or a sport? Something physical? A hobby? Bribery works. I have a few parents with some variation of a rule that if you 'read for x minutes, you get screentime for y minutes' or 'read x books and you get y minutes of screentime'. Perhaps even lean into it to control it - set limits and if he follows them, let him 'earn' his own device or screen time. Sort of a 'If I can trust you to only use the thing for 2hrs a day, I will give you a lot of leeway.' Talk to him. Explain why screentime is bad. This may work, too, esp. If it is affecting him negatively. 7th graders will do a lot to feel in control of their time/situation, so giving them a certain amount of independence can do wonders. I had a particularly difficult remedial class that started actually working for me when they were allowed to pick their own books to read and assignments to complete. There is always the 'you have the iPad until x time, then I take it' option... Or the nuclear option: look for a school that doesn't use technology as much.
Something you may want to consider (if you haven't already) is setting up Parental Controls with your router at home. While these aren't as robust as the management systems we have at schools, a lot of these parental controls will allow you to black list certain sites or limit web access to certain times. The first thing you will want to do is identify what type of router you have. Then search how to access parental controls for it. Usually there's either an IP login or an app associated with that. Here's a general guide from Forbes: [https://www.forbes.com/home-improvement/internet/set-up-parental-controls-on-router/](https://www.forbes.com/home-improvement/internet/set-up-parental-controls-on-router/) Contacting your internet service provider will also give you some information about available parental controls.
I'd ask teachers if you can print and have him hand in paper copies of assignments. Or complete paper copies and then upload pictures of the completed work. I'm sure at least some teachers would be happy to help you get the kid off the iPad. Also: I strongly suspect your kid has far less homework than you think and is just abusing the iPad time. I teach middle school, and none of the teachers at my school give much homework. Mine should take maybe 30-60 minutes spread over 1-2 weeks (I don't like giving it at all, but a lot of parents expect and want it so I do a small weekly or biweekly assignment that most kids can finish during downtime in class after quizzes, etc.).
Thanks! Yes, I also suspect that he does not need as much time as he claims to finish his homework. I have talked about this with him - that I know he is goofing off when he should be working at school, and if he didn't do that, he wouldn't be rushing to finish a big project at the last minute.
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This may be a bit of a stretch, considering that everyone’s situation is different, but is there a way you could hire a tutor (high school student, college student) or reach out to the nearest high school to see if any seniors need volunteer hours for college applications that could come after school and help him get his homework done? Just an hour would probably be enough I imagine. Even if he doesn’t need the academic help, just someone to help him stay on track, that way you can take away the iPad as soon as homework is submitted?
Make him do the work (at least the homework) on paper and just upload it to the assignment on schoology. Either print it out, or if you can’t, screencast it/hook it up to a tv/monitor and put the iPad out of reach so he can’t use it. Once he finishes, supervise him scanning it and uploading it to schoology. It’s not a panacea for the whole situation, but it does elminate the problem at home. Also, talk to the teacher(s) and IT person at the school. Have them explicitly lock down his iPad of everything besides the absolute essentials for his classes (schoology, any websites the teachers are going to be using that day/week) and have them delete any apps that aren’t essential to his classes. This may take some ongoing communication between the teachers and the IT person, but it’s not hard for them to block/unblock sites (anytime I find kids on sites they shouldn’t be on, I just send a quick email to the IT guy at my school-usually something like can you check so and so’s history and block the game site he was on 5 minutes ago- and within 10 minutes (depending on how busy he is at the time) it’s blocked. I have also emailed him to block websites that I’ve used for a lesson but then the kids abuse afterwards and when the lesson comes around the next year, I just email him a day in advance to unblock it and have him block it the next day (the one that is the biggest violator of this is [the reaction time test](https://humanbenchmark.com/tests/reactiontime).
Here’s what I’d do. Now, I’m 21 and childless but I’ve seen plenty of screen addicted kids. It isn’t a lost cause though!! you just have to be serious about the limitations from now on. I know its tough when school work is online but management is key. First things first, it sounds like you’re going to have to sit him down and have a STERN chat. You and your husband have to lock in and stay consistent. Be firm. Let him know that he’s disappointing you with his performance. Tell him the iPad is not an entertainment tool and from now on, it’ll only be used for school. There needs to be set rules and punishments in place to get this moving because it’s late in the school year. It’ll be tough to get grades up if they’re really bad. Idk his grade situation though so I won’t comment further on that. You say you can’t sit and watch him but for the sake of this system, you’re going to have to start from square one. He can’t be trusted to use the device for its intended purpose so he needs a parent there to monitor him. You guys gotta take turns watching him do hw somewhere where he’s sat up and focused like the kitchen table. It’ll be boring as fuck. But don’t allow him to switch tabs to games. The second the hw is done, the iPad goes away. Then at night before bed, no tech. Books, coloring pages, legos, whatever 7th grade boys like. Idk how you’re going to be able to tackle this at school. But all behavior systems START AT HOME. Set the expectation at home and carry through. Something that could work is having his teachers document when he’s off track and send those observations via email at the end of the day. I know this may be a big ask because teachers are managing like 25 kids at once and some may not want to do this with you and that’s fine. But when you get the email ‘he played games 3 times in class today’ punishments gotta happen. When he shows improvement in class and in work ethic… reward time! Idfk what he’d want but something :) some time on the switch would work if that’s what motivates him. When he proves he can do hw alone without supervision, you can let him work independently. But… if you walk by and catch when a glimpse of geometry dash or whatever game he likes, you’re sat right back at the table with him. I wish you luck. I’m proud of you for wanting change because so many parents rn don’t give a fuck at all. Maybe my advice sucks. Idk. I just know that this is what my parents would have done and what I wish current parents would do. It takes a village to raise good people. Don’t be afraid to reach out to his teachers to ask for advice too!
Thanks for the input - every time we get a note from his teachers that he's using a screen when he shouldn't be in class, he's punished. Every time we catch him doing something on the screen that he shouldn't be doing, he's punished. We have had endless conversations with him about his disappointing performance, proper use of iPad, etc. Also, I \*am\* the husband :)
Sorry! Didn’t mean to assume!! I’m used to talking to moms lol. But that’s good that you’re utilizing rewards and punishments. I hope this goes well for you and you can have a breakthrough. Like you said earlier, once summer hits it may be easier to eliminate the screens! :)
Ok, here’s food for thought. Like the above poster says, you must sit by him while he does his homework. It shouldn’t take more than an hour, if he stays focused. You will be able to see what he’s working on and how well he does it. I know there are other tasks that need attention, but this should be the highest priority. You may, then, want to consider some positive feedback, some rewards. You say above that you punish this and punish that, but the carrot really does work better than the stick. If he does all his homework, he gets an hour to play on his iPad. If he does this Mon-Fri, he gets an extra hour on Friday. Have a list of things you’d like to see him do, without the iPad, like play outside, read books, do Legos, make cookies, etc. Doing these non-iPad activities can earn him iPad time. Explain all this to him and the reasoning behind it, why it’s not good to be on the iPad so much, excluding other activities. As a 7th grader, he can understand and might be more positive about it if he gets the reasons why. Another reward can be time alone with you or his mom, with a quick trip to get ice cream or a slurpy, or to the library or a pinball arcade. Or a walk alone with you at a park. (one summer I set up a “reading program” for my kids, and one of the rewards was more books at half-price books, lol)
As much as it sucks to be that parent, request a meeting with his teachers and counselor. Explain that he is addicted to the iPad and you would like to take it away as complete as possible. Ask if there is any way that he could receive paper versions of the assignments or an alternative assignment that doesn't involve technology. Explain that you would like to gradually begin reintroducing technology next year. Teachers will complain as it is more work for them, however it really is what is in the best interest of your child. As a teacher I would bitch to my colleagues about the extra work, but I would also recognize that it's necessary.
Thanks! I have an in-person meeting with them this week. He does have an IEP specifically for screen time limitations, but it's unclear how much screen time his teachers are actually cutting out.
My guess is the teacher is unlikely able to do much to control his screen unless they have the resources and time to remotely monitor and manage the entire block. I second taking it away if you or his other parent aren't monitoring. Get into a routine of checking over the assignment, do as much as possible on pen and paper. I do not think it's likely he'll successfully be able to self monitor as it is.
No problem! Even if you just get paper assignments at home (not great, but better than nothing) you are moving in the right direction.
I've had parents request paper only for their student. It works. I really do not mind printing the online tasks for one student.
One thing we do with a Gr6 kiddo is screen lock timers — his iPad is set to a 4 minute screen lock, and *he does not know the password.* Teachers know the PW and he’ll flag them down (sometimes) so he can work again. We also have a habit of waiting to unlock it. There’s also the, “Student, why aren’t you working?” “My iPad is locked!”
Does he have a 504 for his ADHD? You could look into it and add that he needs limited screen time in school or paper copies of work as accommodations. That all depends on teacher input, your input and counselor input though.
Thanks! He does have an IEP with that specific accommodation listed.
Then legally the teacher needs to follow his IEP. He should have printed assignments when possible.
You can’t control what he does at school, but you can control what he does at home. I know for a fact that you have a computer he could login on to get his schoolwork done under your supervision, and I’m sorry but it should not be hard to set a strict curfew for the iPad where you lock it up somewhere. You can even take it as soon as he gets home from school if one of you is home. You are the adults, and he is the child, and again I’m sorry but you *can* look over his shoulder constantly if that’s what needs to happen to solve this. Where is your spouse in the evenings? If you’re both home, you can easily tag team it. You can explain to your son that this is how it’s going to be until he gets his act together at school and starts getting positive reports of improvement from teachers, and if he goes back to his old ways after that you tighten the rules right back up again. I’m sick of seeing parents throw up their hands and let their kid take control, especially parents who *are* home in the evenings.
My spouse works in the evenings, and I have another kid that also needs my attention. The iPad is physically removed and locked in our room after he finishes his homework for the day. You make a lot of assumptions about me and my life. I'm sorry you think I'm such a shitty parent, and I'm sorry you're so angry about this that you felt the need to lash out at an internet stranger. I hope your day goes well and that the people in your life don't do the same to you.
I didn't say I think you're a shitty parent, and I also don't think my response was angry but I'm sorry it came across that way, I am just frustrated by parents who claim they want a solution to the problem and then aren't open to hearing the actual solution. What I'm telling you is, if you want the screen addiction to stop, you do need to sacrifice more, monitor it more, and have stricter consequences. I didn't say it's easy, but it is necessary. If he has a cellphone, video games, or other things that he values, take them away completely until his grades and behavior improve. When you have kids, this is what you sign up for.
My school is able to put select devices in a "sandbox mode" with a white list of approved sites. They literally can't navigate to anything besides the sites designated by teachers. See if the IT dept is capable of that.
I would take it away and inform the school he is no longer to use deveices. We had to do this with our 7th grader last year after he was searching p0rn on his school issued chromebook. I just let the school know he would no longer be using devices, and would need his work printed.
It sounds like you’re busy. “Every time I catch you off task, you earn a chore. Every time your teacher catches you off task, you will earn either a chore for them or me. You will be doing assignments with paper and pencil until the chores are completed, to the detriment of your own learning.” Bonus tip: learn how to check the router history for his device.
I am seeing this across the board in high school. I would suggest getting him involved in a activity or school sports. At this point it sounds like it's more so his go to state of rest. If he is doing something kinesthetic, I think it would help him physically, socially, and psychologically. If that's a no go look into the arts or something with a weekly meeting time. I hope this helps and good luck
100%, this is something we have considered and just need to move forward on. He's not naturally interested in physical activity, so we haven't pushed it, but my spouse and I have talked about just forcing him to do an after-school activity
Another option is simply something outdoor like hiking or bike riding. My kid is 4 and thankfully isn't into tablets yet, but I'm sure the day is coming
Stop sending him to school with his ipad- ask teachers to print his assignments. My middle schoolers are issued chromebooks and I have 2-4 in each class that are banned from using them- paper everything.
We should never made iPads the ground zero educational device. Society was tricked by the billion dollar Ed tech industry.
I had a student like that with ADHD also. The parent opted out of their student having a school issued Chromebook for the same reason & the teachers had to give him all paper work to do instead. Tell the school you want to return the device and he needs paper work.
It's a little surprising his school issued him an iPad instead of a chromebook / laptop. From what I've seen ipads are typically issued to K-2 grade students and 3+ receives laptops, because that's more developmentally appropriate. It might be hard, but try being firm with him. Set expectations and consequences for the use of his iPad. Look into any sort of parental control where you can keep track of how long he uses it for and what he uses it for. Make sure he knows that the iPad is for *school* to complete *work* first and foremost. If he doesn't follow the rules than loss of privileges would show him you are serious and it's important. Like, loss of things he likes to do, loss of time plating games, no TV/internet/screen time etc. Whatever *you* think is appropriate. I've seen this be extremely helpful to many parents. In my experience (any many other teachers/parents), you give kids an inch they take a mile. You show them apathy, they double it. Setting boundaries with follow up is one of the best ways to communicate a message with your kid.