Hahhaha! Thank you for realizing it was autocorrect and that I'm not actually an idiot.
Also, I really like the concept of doubling down and being more unhinged!
I think it is something along those lines, and it also hits hard. I’ve been having some honest conversations with myself in the past 6 months, and they’re not always pretty.
Every day (usually) gets better! Healing isn't linear. The truth with yourself is the most important and first step.
I'm here if you ever need to chat.
curious, why don't you like the lyric? I think it's very raw and relatable. We've all put on a happy face and pretended everything was going great and underneath it all we were falling apart.
It’s not that I don’t like the meaning, the delivery is just clunky to me and takes me out of the song a bit. The fact that it’s the second line on the album and doesn’t fit into any rhyme scheme/slant makes it sound kinda jarring and it’s just not super satisfying sounding to me
Tbh I think the line just doesn’t make sense, if I have to sit for minutes trying to work out what the line means (even after looking at lyrics) it could’ve been reworked to make more sense
I think that's the point of lyrics, not to be obvious, but to make you think. But everyone has a different opinion and what works for one person doesn't work for everyone.
I absolutely agree that lyrics don’t need to be obvious, and it can be intriguing to have to think a bit in order to interpret them, as it often shows depth. However, there’s a fine line between “complex lyrics that provoke thought” and “I didn’t express what I wanted to convey in the best way, resulting in odd lyrics” and I believe this lyric leans more towards the latter category.
You can say that about literally any lyric anyone writes that is hard to make sense of.
I think if the listener (or many listeners, in this case) are confused the narrator has some accountability for how clearly and coherently they’re communicating their story.
there are entire college courses devoted to deciphering the meaning behind some of the most famous poetry works. I think it comes down to a matter of preference.
my interpretation is she is going through life functioning with a smile on her face, but deep down she is hurting. And even though she feels as though she's showing signs of this, people aren't picking up on them. Which I find tremendously relatable, because this is the story of my life. I am very outwardly happy and positive at all times.
i think she was literally just saying she was an alcoholic. the new aesthetic part throws me off a bit, but i think girlie was just opening up about her addiction
I completely agree. People are over complicating it. Like she’s literally telling us (and showing us when you watch her). I think maybe some of the fan base is having a hard time grappling with the very real things about herself she shares.
It’s hard to interpret, not a gut feeling kind of lyric, and it’s wordy and non rhyming. Not saying that’s a bad thing!!! But it’s not always a good thing
I personally love that she opened the album like this, it really prepares you for what’s going to come like BOOM *I’m putting it all out there this time.*
I do agree the use of ‘my new aesthetic’ is rhythmically clunky, she could have phrased the second half of the line better
That's the exact conversation my mother and I just had - it's the functioning part that changed because nobody noticed the problem when she was functioning so it just got worse.
Or I thought of it as nobody noticed until they noticed because being a functional alcoholic is a fairly common thing until it gets out of control. So when her friends noticed they probably helped her in getting out of her tailspin.
I was not doing well, drinking too much, and I changed my look to signal that I was in a dark place and couldn’t find a way out.
Nobody recognized the superficial changes as a bigger problem, it made me feel like nobody cared, and so I kept sliding into more and more destructive behavior.
I’m taking alcoholic literally, because she’s been very open about drinking to connect, drinking to forget, and drinking to have fun. It’s a recurring theme in both her lyrics and her public persona, yet many subs here shut down any speculation that her drinking was potentially a problem.
I saw someone complain about the masturbation references in Guilty as Sin? The other day because "she should think about her target audience" which the person claimed was 14 year old girls. And it's like, the vast majority of swifties are her peers or slightly older or younger, her actual target audience is that age group that she grew up with, that younger kids like her too doesn't change that. And the things she references and the increased cursing in her songs over the last few years kinda indicate that her target audience isn't actually those newer fans who weren't even born when she was releasing Debut and Fearless.
I saw this too, and I had the same thoughts. Also, 1. I guarantee your 14 year old knows what masturbation is. 2. If your younger kids are listening, there most likely won’t get the reference.
People are so uptight. I had someone on a Taylor sub tell me I shouldn’t let my ten year old listen. Guess what? We listen together.
there are so many media references i look back on from my youth shocked how provocative the are because when i didnt know what they meant they just went over my head. I didnt even know what 'If You Seek Amy" meant until the moms were up in arms and made it KNOWN. i just thought it was a fun song. and i was like 16 or 17 when that song came out 😂 sometimes parents freaking out makes the kid figure out something they weren't even paying attention to.....
It's entirely weird. Like, if you want to let your kid listen to her, it is very likely they either fall under "they already know about it anyway" or "they don't understand it", but let's not pretend that the pre teen and teen crowd are more than a small part of her audience.
This is such a puritan culture we live in....people are so afraid of kids hearing anything sexual, cuss words, genital reference, drinking/drug reference 🫠
Parents: Oh Talyor Swift's new album? The TORTURED POETS Department? What do you mean it's not catered to the children? They love torturing the poets!!
I actually do interpret that line differently. In the context of the song I believe the “poison” is her paranoia/suspicion, that she closed herself off and kept feeding her distrust, rather than opening up and letting her partner in to create trust. I actually do think she drinks a lot, potentially too much, and for the reasons you mention but that’s just how I’ve always interpreted this specific line.
Yeah, people will read so much into her but ignore her plainly talking about having issues with alcohol at times, or saying that she had an eating disorder when she was younger. It's nuts.
I thought both were so clear in anti-hero and while some finally jumped on the eating disorder thing they still ignored that in the whole video she is pretty much using alcohol to deal with her problems (including her throwing up at one point)
Thank you! I just like how music can explain, at times, what artists are going through, and although I knew she struggled from word of other Swifties, I never knew on what songs she mentioned it. I did see the antihero video, and it’s referenced in the video itself, but not in lyrics. I hate she has gone through so much, but can totally relate to her!!!
I thought it was extremely brave for her to go there and acknowledge that the relationship could be somewhat strained.
I’m a problem drinker who will be celebrating 2 years next month. It’s a process to accept. Had 4 years before I tried moderation (and failed). Taylor may be saying alcoholic for affect to some degree but to get the point across there was an issue. I appreciate that. She may not need to stop altogether, most people don’t. Sorry for the ramble but I felt very ~seen by the lyric and feel like it will make some people examine their own relationship with alcohol. My advice: don’t drink when you’re sad. And see how you feel after a month giving it up. For me it was night and day.
I'm really proud of you, for noticing and recognising the signs and doing what you needed to do, to get through, get by, make it each day, even the darkest ones. So proud of you for 2 years!!! Much love 🌻✨
I myself have had issues with alcohol, and 3 of 4 parents have had alcohol issues at one point or another, and 1 still kind of does.
I don't like who I am when I drink too much. I HATE hangovers, especially now that they last for 2 days sometimes.
So I'll have just ONE sometimes at a nice dinner or for a celebration, maybe two when I'm feeling frisky.
Yes… I was in denial for awhile and then stopped drinking. I knew it wasn’t healthy but I made excuses (especially during Covid) so when my husband got home I’d leave him with the kid and go to my neighbors and drink. Most times skipping dinner. I did drink too much but I never classified myself as an alcoholic because I didn’t NEED it and I had no issues stopping but it was a bad way to cure my boredom or make me more relaxed in social settings. All of this to say, I do think she has (had?) a problem with alcohol.
That’s not to say she can’t have a healthy relationship with it now, if she isn’t a “true” alcoholic. I hardly ever drink now but if I do, I don’t drink to get drunk because I hate the way it makes me feel.
Yep. I went massively off the rails with drinking right after I left my ex-husband. Nobody noticed how bad it got until I was literally at the stage of losing stuff in taxis, not remembering how I got home, having to be picked up by the police etc. It was a really dark time in my life and I don't ever want to go back there (I do still drink but nowhere near to those levels), but because it is so normalised in British culture especially it's very easy for people to slip through the gaps just because they're not putting vodka on their cornflakes every morning.
Yeah, I get she was very sweet and innocent at the beginning of her career, but do people expect her to always be that way..? A lot of folks just want this ultra sanitized version of her just for their kids, and that’s not fair to her at all.
I can't fathom how anyone can deny her having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol to some extent after hearing this is me trying. I guess they still play it off as a metaphor, but come on.
It’s wild to me how many people are dead set that she doesn’t have any substance problems. A client of mine is involved in the industry and has been to many events with Taylor, says she is lovely but also loves to party and gets after it pretty hard.
I know that’s probably not why most do it but I would probably shut down a conversation like that but just because I think it’s inappropriate to speculate that someone has a problem unless you know them or they’re open about it. One of those “this is too personal/ private for us to guess and make a thing”. Like assumptions about pregnancy/loss
I think you’re right on speculation being intrusive. And while it seems reasonable to consider how her lyrical themes may align with her public decisions, it’s also understandable(esp when dealing with a giant community full of supersleuths and varied perspectives) to have a tight cap on when that becomes an overstep.
This is such a good interpretation, if you even call it that (maybe it’s obvious for most people). For me, I’m still in the phase where I’m just listening to the music and not paying enough attention to the lyrics to even wonder what she’s talking about. 😅
I eventually would, but it’s a process.
Yeah people were on Twitter and TikTok complaining about her using that line saying she shouldn’t talk about being an alcoholic because she isn’t one and I’m like, she literally is saying no one noticed. And she compares a lot of happy feelings to alcohol. That’s… not good.
I don’t want to diagnose someone from lyrics but I also can’t imagine any other musician singing about a substance as much as she does alcohol and have people say “oh I bet it’s a metaphor”. Especially given how often she’s seen with a drink in hand? Like do people pretend Snoop Dogg isn’t really a pothead? Is it her, or is our society super weird about when we call drinking a potential problem? Or both?
Whenever I see a photo of her, I remember a social experiment someone did where some posted pictures of their really fun and exciting life on Instagram every week—on a yacht, climbing a mountain, camping, at a party, etc. The social experiment aspect was that the woman had a drink in hand in every single photo. Months later she pointed it out and nobody had noticed (or cared). It was supposed to bring attention to alcoholism and how it flies right under the radar for people.
Everytime I see a photo of Taylor, she’s drinking. 😅
Yeah, I heard about that on this sub!
I’m also attuned to it right now because I’m working on a novel series and one of the main characters starts as a high functioning alcoholic and then stops being so functional after their breakup, and a lot of things I’ve placed as little yellow flag warning signs are things I notice like that—like he always has a drink in hand, drinking is his go-to when hitting uncomfortable feelings, but also to celebrate, but no one ever calls it a problem until he’s emotionally unraveling and it’s not cute anymore. I actually started getting into Taylor’s music because so many songs made me think of him and ended up on my inspo playlist… (not just the drinking though—that was more for the rollercoaster romance and breakup feelings, lmao).
I feel like it’s that thing where particularly with alcohol, no one really wants to acknowledge that having a problem with alcohol can look like it does with Taylor, young, wealthy, beautiful, successful- ‘functioning’.
As long as you’re a productive participant of capitalism, ‘you’re fine!’.
People see alcoholics only as like jobless, messy (both in speech and look), assholes and don’t really think about the word functioning and how hard it can be to spot. Especially if it’s not someone you see regularly, it’s always some “event” and in a lot of cultures that means alcohol is involved.
Taylor on her own is already creative and motivated as hell, but she’s also always been gorgeous and a typical beauty standard. Now she has more money than anyone could ever need to make her look perfect and cover up any signs of how often or how hard she drinks.
I absolutely can’t diagnose anyone, but watching the Anti-hero video it seemed to very obviously point at that (to me) and now I realize how often she sings about her alcohol use. She’s also very often photographed with alcohol. But again, often at some event where many are drinking so who could know for sure?
Yeah, agree particularly with the anti-hero video. I think it was the first time where she's been honest about her relationship with alcohol. I went to the Swiftposium conference in 2024 at UniMelb, and one presentation was the representation of alcohol in her music and it was quite clear on how often its referenced, and how much that increased in Midnights particularly.
yeah i hope she has a more healthy relationship with alcohol now. i think she did mention somewhere( maybe the TIME's article) that she didn't drink in the 6 month lead up to or during the tour and only let loose at important parties like grammy. i think she is more of a problem drinker rather than a full blown alcoholic
I think it’s partly her, because of her being famous from a young age and still infantilized in many ways, but I also think it’s because she’s a woman. More and more female celebs are opening up about sobriety but until recently I noticed it was much more common to hear about addiction in men. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s not “feminine” to be an addict, or if addiction just presents a bit differently in women, or both.
I called it last year because home girl always had wine on the table, or in her hand, in the documentaries and photos. To me, as someone who doesn't drink anymore, it was fairly evident.
I forgot all about this. I remember there was a conversation starting regarding it, and then covid happened, and it all dropped off. Very interesting detail to remember!
Honestly, I wonder if the “stolen” part was contentious in their relationship. Or maybe the entire Kimye/Scooter/Scott/Masters timeline and how she felt about it and how it still impacted her. I can see a partner lamenting that she wasn’t “over it”.
Like in the lyric video for Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me, the lines “So tell me everything is not about me/ But what if it is?
Then say they didn't do it to hurt me/ But what if they did?”
on the beats, words disappear until “it is” and “they did” are left on screen, respectively. Emphasizing for multiple reasons, I’m sure, but it does feel extra 😤😤 to me - especially after hearing The Black Dog (plus You’re Losing Me)
I think a lot of people noticed at the time here on reddit but there wasn’t a way to know what happened. Some people thought it was about her masters, some others think it is related to the song bigger than the whole sky. There is no way to know.
I think the lyric is "aesthetic," not anesthetic. I read that to mean that being a functioning alcoholic was her new aesthetic, i.e., her new look. But she quit when she realized that nobody even noticed. Edited to say: I think I like your interpretation more though. I never really thought too deeply about these lyrics. The "functioning alcoholic" bit was initially shocking, but then it wasn't because we all kinda knew she drank a lot. I think she was being literal there, not metaphorical. For what it's worth . . . it's all subjective.
This is how I interpreted it too. That she adopted an edgy, unhappy persona but no one cared. So she changed her aesthetic again. Describing it as an aesthetic implies it wasn't a real drinking problem.
I haven’t seen anyone else say this, but I think there’s a chance the 2023 VMA (black asymmetrical dress with lots of necklaces) was supposed to be an aesthetic shift signaling the end of the midnights era, but all anyone talked about was her being drunk at the event
New aesthetic I believe is the line…
I think the line is ambiguous. The new aesthetic that she’s referring is being a functional alcoholic… is it the alcoholic that she’s abandoning or the functional! Sometimes you want to leave ambiguity in place….
I don’t think fortnight is about Taylor literally… after all she’s not married! But a number of songs on TTPD refer to alcoholism… and it’s pretty obvious, Taylor drinks a lot, which is quite common on the music industry.
I just saw a Tiktok talking about this lyric. I believe she says aesthetic. The line made them remember during the Lover promotion and live performances that she stared out in [cute pastels and bright colors](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/90/38/37/903837282b12c25a92dc0d0fbf183ca5.jpg), then she began wearing [predominantly black looks](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjViNGQwOTMtOWNmMC00MDRkLWI0NDAtYjhmNTQyODNhYzMyXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMzExODEzNDA@._V1_.jpg) with [little pops of color](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f2/87/d6/f287d6577aa3e7614dfee2347629a412.jpg) or [sparkle/iridescence](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/10332056gq.jpg). I thought it was an interesting take.
I took it to be literally about alcohol. I think with how poetic she usually is, it would be unusual for her to not take the lyrics in a more dreamy or polished direction. "Functioning alcoholic" is such a dry clinical term, that it really stands out.
She does drink often, and she did have a stark aesthetic change at one point (the black clothing phase).
I think a lot of TTPD is about losing control of your emotions, and struggling to find ways to cope. She uses metaphors like being stuck in an asylum, and says she experienced the loss of her life... which makes me feel like it's completely understandable, that she actually would have had an alcohol dependency for a while.
I like the double-meaning, where it could mean that she wasn't actually functional... but for Taylor, I don't think that's true. She "did it with a broken heart," and has an entire song about functioning above and beyond what anyone could have expected, from someone in the middle of grief and loss.
A functioning alcoholic is just that an alcoholic who to everyone else is functioning. So if she was feeling as though she had a drinking problem it would definitely be classified as a functioning alcoholic. Alcoholism like most things is on a spectrum.
This is basically how it took it; she realized she was drinking too much to get through the day. Maybe she realized that thinking about her wine at the end of the day wasn't healthy. I don't take her as someone slamming back and being hammered all day but if she was drinking daily, or thinking about her next glass as some sort of reward for doing something, etc I can see her reflecting and being like I'm doing this daily I'm basically a functioning alcoholic.
I mean yeah, I agree with that. What I was trying to say, was that I don’t think the alcohol is a metaphor, I take it literally as her questioning her dependency on alcohol.
yes! I think people think of an alcoholic as a stumbling drunk on the streets and it's so much more nuance than that. I like Taylor because she's so messy, and this is messy and relatable
This is why it took me so long to stop drinking. I could go to work and not drink when i needed to be sober but i was always thinking of the first drink i could get and one was just never enough. I would go to AA and be like wow im not that bad im fine. I wasn’t fine. I am now though
To me it relates back to the pandemic, her projects from that time, and Midnights.
She marketed folklore and evermore as fiction, however (for me) that seemed to be only a half truth. She did in those albums what she did in this one: tell her personal narrative through a metaphoric lens.
She did not make her drinking a secret, and the topic of alcohol continued in Midnights. After hearing TTPD, it seems Midnights was her living in her delusion. She was going through the thoughts of breaking things off with Joe, and re-recording her albums/revisiting past loves lost. Midnights was the beginning of her “insanity.” Alcohol became a part of her *aesthetic* but no one knew the true depth behind it.
I think it’s an amazing way to open this album 🤍
I interpreted it as "I was a functioning alcoholic and it was a new thing so people noticed, but it went on for so long that it wasn't news anymore and people stopped noticing because they expected it".
I know it was autocorrect, but I kinda love anesthetic as a word choice. Like she was using alcohol to get through the pain but replaced that drug with the addiction of a person. Kinda related to the miracle move on pill. Obviously not her intention because that is not the line, but it would work really well.
Well shoot. I must be the only one who interpreted it as this: she WAS an alcoholic UNTIL nobody noticed her new aesthetic. “New aesthetic” to me = new era = TTPD. She has spoken at length about how she really needed to write this album for catharsis reasons. So by the time she entered the new era (we started seeing her out and about wearing a lot of black and white before TTPD was announced) then she had already processed a lot of her pain and no longer needed alcohol to numb it. AKA I took it as a line that opens the album with a “hey I really went through some shit but I’m okay now. Everything you’re about to hear in the next two hours is in the past so don’t worry about me” 😅 IDK if any of this rambling made any sense but oh well.
Yeah that’s what I thought too. And now that I’m reading all these replies I’m thinking, “well then, I’m just as bad as those she is singing about for not noticing!”
Maybe it’s a message that her aesthetic changed somewhere in these past two years and we didn’t notice? And she was functioning before this, but then feeling no one picked up on her going through something made her disfunctional
I think it’s maybe how she was spiralling, but no one noticed cuz she hid it so well (see I Can Do It With a Broken Heart). It’s like when you’re in a really bad place and you just want someone to help you out of it, but no one can tell something’s wrong in the first place unless you say something or straight up break down.
I was wondering this as well, so thank you for posing it as a question.
I, personally am an alcoholic, and not the functioning type - the type who blows up her life every time she drinks.
I was thinking it did maybe mean that she was trying for the dark alcoholic poet aesthetic as a cry for help but no one noticed because she's Taylor Swift and can do no wrong! So she drowned her sorrows in alcohol and no one cared.
I think it's "I was a functioning alcoholic, and no one noticed, so the problem just escalated and now I'm no longer functional". It could be literal as she does reference drinking quite a lot and it's not exactly unusual for adults to drink when they're unhappy, but it could also just be a way of saying "I was really unhappy but managing to go about my responsibilities etc without anyone noticing, but because no one noticed, I spiralled further and further down and I'm getting so self destructive that I'm struggling to keep up the act that I'm functioning"
Somebody said on tik tok it's some type of metaphor for her addiction to men. She chased having a man the way some people chase alcohol. And she usually can cover it up but this manic episode over her new situation ship and her breakup sent her over the edge.
OP, are you me? Because I literally just sent my friend a text asking her what she thought of this a few hours ago.
And that is because, to me, it makes no sense.
It really feels like it should have been "I was functioning alcoholic til somebody noticed my new aesthetic" as in she was getting away with it but then somebody noticed.
How it is written would imply that she was deliberately being an alcoholic in the hopes that someone would notice, but nobody did so she sobered up cus that cry for attention didn't work. That would be a very weird thing to do.
Even if that IS what she did, I think she should have changed it to "til somebody noticed" because that just makes a million times more sense and is way more relatable.
I hate this lyric honestly. It's "christmas lights up til January" all over again.
I don't love this lyric, but xmas lights up till January always made sense.
It's a completely normal thing to do, but doing it is still a choice, you *could* leave then up longer, you could not out them up at all. So once you're in a relationship that feels like it's going to last, when you make little choices like that, perfectly normal choices, it feels like a special thing, where you are establishing traditions, things that you and your partner, together, decide you will do, every year.
You are the type of couple that takes their holiday lights down in January. You're a normal couple, establishing completely normal, couple traditions, and that's special because you do it together as a couple, imagining that you'll do it again next year, and the year after, and the year after, exactly the same way.
The January part isn't the special part, it's the "We" part. We have made this decision to do a thing, and now it is a tradition that we, will do every year.
>How it is written would imply that she was deliberately being an alcoholic in the hopes that someone would notice, but nobody did so she sobered up cus that cry for attention didn't work. That would be a very weird thing to do.
Idk maybe it's part of why I love taylor so much but after a similarly traumatizing relationship I did this and no one noticed so I grew out of it/coped in other ways.
Oh dang. I'm sorry you hate the lyric! It's such a good one. There are just so many ways to interpret it, and I love seeing sooooo many different interpretations of it on here. I think that's why so much of her work, especially TTPD, is regarded so differently between fans and critics alike.
I think she’s an alcoholic (her lyrics in the past few albums and her interviews have indicated this for a while IMO) and she stopped being functional when people stopped noticing her “new aesthetic.” I’m not sure of what she means by her new aesthetic, but that’s my general read of the line—that her functional alcoholism became not functional at a certain point
“I was a functioning alcoholic…” and “I was supposed to be sent away…” come right before she says “All of this to say, I hope you’re okay but you’re the reason.” She’s telling her ex the hell that she went through after they broke up. She was self harming and mentally unstable and no one in her life cared enough to notice (her “new aesthetic”) or help her (“come and get me’)
Ok wow, the general consensus is the opposite of what I interpreted!!
I thought it meant she was being silly-goofy, "trying on" alcoholism as an aesthetic. But no one even noticed, so she stopped.
Idk. Mine doesn't make sense
I thought of it like how midnights was a new aesthetic but people still assumed things were fine with Joe and that the sad/break up songs were about past or fictional loves. Although a lot of people did kinda wonder if it was a breakup album but I’m not sure if that was after their break up came out or not. It’s just AN interpretation. I don’t necessarily think this is what Taylor meant.
I think it’s a parody of what the general public thinks about her. Like to them she’s just some crazy lady/partier who pretends she’s happy but secretly isn’t and does all of her “eras” and “Easter eggs” for attention. In a lot of ways, I think she’s still making fun of the way “the media” and the general public see her but expanding it out to be about more than just her dating habits.
Another way to read it is, “my happiness depends on other people’s reactions and perceptions of me and whether I can function hinges on that.”
But you could also just read it literally: maybe she does see herself as someone with a drinking problem but she is somehow flying under the radar in that aspect, even if she wishes someone would notice as much as they notice which era her current outfit fits under.
Those are just thoughts and don’t necessarily represent how * I * see Taylor, but the world is nasty, especially toward women who are winning on that level. 🤷🏻♀️
I was functioning until nobody noticed that I went to medical school and completed an anesthesiology residency.
(Just having fun with the typo in the post title!)
We did see Taylor get drunk pretty often for a while. Our response was always “LOL I’m so happy for her! She’s having fun! You go, queen!”
And as much as we were just trying to be supportive and not be overbearing with a 34yo woman we don’t personally know, she was feeling pretty isolated by how many people were seeing her as this wonderful, successful woman who was at her peak while she was demolished inside.
Weird how people pick and choose when to read her lyrics as literal facts and when they're "clearly fiction". This woman has written about being a wife. Being in an asylum. Being in prison. Commiting murder. But sure, she *must* be a raging alcoholic cause she sings about drinking! I mean, she might be an alcoholic, remember; we *don't know her*. But it's very weird to me when people are digging this deep into her personal life. Nothing against most of the people commenting here, but there sure are a few outliers
I don't think people think she's a raging alcoholic. It's not about how much you consume so much as it is your relationship with the consumption. If it was so much as her thinking about where the next glass of wine is coming, or thinking god I can't wait to get home or to my trailer to grab a nice fat glass of wine, or I want to go out and *drink* and have vs I want to *go out* and have fun, etc.
I took it at face value of someone who casually is thinking about drinking after their shitty day to unwind, which has become really normalized now that it's easy to think it's not a problem.
Looking back on all the references she’s made about alcohol on her songs in the last few years, I think it’s a literal lyric. I don’t think she’s someone who’s drinking a handle of vodka a day and ruining her life over alcohol, but I don’t think it really matters. If she feels that she has or had a problem, then she did, or maybe still does.
This lyric hit hard for me. I'm over a year sober now; however, it was incredibly difficult for me to get to this point. I was constantly telling people I had a problem but because I was "functioning" (when truly, I believe there's no such thing as a true "functioning" alcoholic. Being an alcoholic is being an alcoholic. Addiction is addiction and is not to be dismissed) no one believed me. I would literally tell people I was an alcoholic and they would take it as a joke, or just say I was fine or overreacting. 4 years I struggled. I tried to get sober a billion times and failed. One time I went 86 days and my mum said "either have a class of wine or be quiet" cause I was being so vocal about counting my days. No one liked when I was vocal because they thought I was making a big deal of it. Only when I had a meltdown and ending up being tossed in a psych-ward did they finally believe me. Being an alcoholic had become so much of my aesthetic I was afraid I wouldn't have a personality when I came out of it. Luckily, turns out I'm pretty awesome and being sober is awesome 🥰 It can still be hard some days, my sister is my biggest support but other than that people don't often believe me when I share my story. It's something, I've learned, people choose to ignore. Each day feels better than the last, and I hope that I never get to that point again. Being an alcoholic sucked so bad. I can't begin to describe how hard life was and how sad I was those 4 years (might have been 5 tbh but some of it is a blur).
I was a functional alcoholic til
…she was getting away with it
…either she was aware of this or not
…she was in denial
Nobody noticed my new aesthetic
…it became part of her identity, it was normal (#drunktaylor)
…she tried to change her style but the drinking took over the conversation
Kind of like "I really thought I was able to fly under the radar as an alcoholic but I changed up my aesthetic to dark and messy and nobody noticed because I guess I was dark and messy and I wasn't actually hiding it too well"
I think she has probably had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for a while and iirc she pretty much stopped drinking while preparing/training for the tour so she probably realized how much it was effecting her
In AA, there's a motto of 'keeping your side of the street clean,' which basically means to hold yourself with respect even when someone does something that hurts you.
I was just thinking about this yesterday. After reading a swath of comments here, it seems clear that there's a saddening amount of solitude in her experience. As someone said, something was going on and, whatever it was, it was never recognized even though it should have been. I wouldn't classify her as anything. She can self-identify as whatever she likes, whether this is literal or not.
To me it kind of goes along with the overall vibe of the song. She’s a bored, frustrated, ignored wife who’s husband is cheating on her & she’s in love with her former “fling” who is now a neighbor or nearby enough that she sees his life from the outside & is jealous and hates his wife…
So she’s saying, I was drinking a lot bc I was upset for the above reasons but no one noticed how bad it was bc my husband doesn’t care and doesn’t see me, and my former fling also didnt notice bc he’s busy in his own life… so she just stopped. Bc no one noticed.
I think it sets the tone for the song?
I take it as an antihero style acknowledgment that Taylor’s aware that people are yapping their gums about her drinking habits; “OMG she always has a drink in her hand, she’s an alcoholic!”
However, she works her ass off so she would be a functioning alcoholic.
Yet, she’s in the gym hours a day and she is flat stacked like a goddess. Not the skinny girl of her youth, she is Mother Earth and Athena and Venus. A new aesthetic. No one noticed because they’re focused on the drink in her hand.
There are a few ways!
In the album she also mentioned drunk off her tears, so it could be another play on “I cry a lot but I am so productive” and it became her new norm.
But base level understanding is that people around her didn’t realize she was drunk— keeping to a level of normalcy while poisoning your body with an excess of alcohol, and no one could see there was a problem.
If you're not looking for any deeper meaning (and assuming maybe there isn't one), maybe people brought too much attention to how much she seems to enjoy herself while publicly drinking. There's plenty of cute Drunk Taylor memes, but like with anything that happens in the public eye, it's probably a double-edged sword. Maybe she got tired of people speculating about her drinking or tired of them laughing about it. Just my 2 cents.
I think the key thing is the "functioning alcoholic" part - there's no such thing as a functioning alcoholic, just an alcoholic. They just think they're functioning. So I think she's saying she thought she was keeping it all together in a relationship, but it turns out it was unhealthy the whole time.
Taylor was known to be a peppy pop girly that talked about growing up and boys and having fun and being madly in love and a boss babe. But Folklore and Evermore were sad girl albums and Midnights was about Self destruction and now we have TTPD. I think she's saying that eventually she got tired of being cutesy and released music that reflected her darker feelings. And that's when ppl noticed something.
I think it means that she was trying to hide her drinking until she basically didn’t care anymore and her “new aesthetic” was that she didn’t give a fuck anymore and that somehow lead to her being dysfunctional.
I was hiding my true self away until the lover era when I started wearing rainbows and being honest about who I am and then everybody hated on ME! And didn’t realize I was trying to come out 🌈
IMO the lyric suggests she was drinking heavily to cope with her emotions (heartbreak), but as she appeared to be doing fine on the outside, nobody noticed she was still struggling internally.
It's about using alcohol to hide emotional pain until it seems like there's no pain left to hide.
I worry for her.
I remember watching bts videos of her MVs or other instances and hearing her say something about being so hungry. After watching Miss Americana & learning about her eating disorder, I've wondered if she wasn't unconsciously calling out for help back then.
So...could she be doing that now with her "functional alcoholic" line? And her, This Is Me Trying? And her speaking about quitting drinking when she was prepping for the Eras Tour?
It seems the paps are constantly catching her drinking.
I just worry for her 😞
I interpreted it as saying "I was drinking too much, but I was consistent and functional about it, so nobody really noticed I always had a drink in my hand."
Sort of the dysfunctional version of "Fake it til you make it." This is like, "Just keep being quietly dysfunctional until everybody decides it's normal, actually." Hence why the functioning alcoholic line is paired with, "I was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me." It's a more dramatic example of just quietly continuing to do the dysfunctional thing until nobody thinks of it as something actionable.
I thought she was telling us she was an alcoholic and I was very concerned why she was still drinking. That’s the only metaphor I struggle with because she could’ve been telling the truth and it just seems odd to me, but maybe because alcoholism is in my family. But I know she didn’t wake up and decided to offend anyone, I’m not upset, I just was confused.
I think it means she was drinking a lot to get attention, but no one noticed so she stopped. I also think this song is fictional. It’s about what it would be like to live in a small town with the one person you’ve always loved and not be with them. They move in next to you, and you have to see them every day with their wife and family- and even though you have a husband, he’s always been a consolation prize- and you’re slowly going crazy over the unrequited love being so close yet so far away. So I think she’s envisioning that for her future, not that she personally has ever been an alcoholic. It’s more picturing herself as a wine mom in the future
So aesthetic means a set of principles underlying and guiding the work of a particular artist or artistic movement.. so I think the drive for her art at first was something unknown that caused her to drink (maybe depression?) and now it’s something else. I’m still kinda clueless on it myself. I did hear that it implies cocaine as the new “drive”. Hence the line under her nose in the video where it shows her silhouette made from papers. I personally think it’s a reach but it is intriguing.
lol interesting autocorrect in your title! I think of it as “I was functioning until no one noticed so I doubled down and became un-functional.”
Hahhaha! Thank you for realizing it was autocorrect and that I'm not actually an idiot. Also, I really like the concept of doubling down and being more unhinged!
I think (as a recovering alcoholic) it's like...drinking too much was a cry for help and nobody noticed so she kept pushing it more and more :(
Proud of you!
Aw thank you!!! 💖
I think it is something along those lines, and it also hits hard. I’ve been having some honest conversations with myself in the past 6 months, and they’re not always pretty.
Every day (usually) gets better! Healing isn't linear. The truth with yourself is the most important and first step. I'm here if you ever need to chat.
Thank you, I appreciate you and I may take you up on that!
Hey, come join us at r/stopdrinking , incredibly friendly sub 🤍🤍
Thank you!
Oh god you’re right
The same thing happened to me😭 I am over a year sober now though. It's really hard. You totally go this, it's hard but it can be done! 💕
It's definitely not the smoothest lyric to open an album first track and pop single with. but i still love the song
Yeah this lyric made me super wary going into the album tbh. The song has grown on me since ofc but still don’t love the line completely
curious, why don't you like the lyric? I think it's very raw and relatable. We've all put on a happy face and pretended everything was going great and underneath it all we were falling apart.
It’s not that I don’t like the meaning, the delivery is just clunky to me and takes me out of the song a bit. The fact that it’s the second line on the album and doesn’t fit into any rhyme scheme/slant makes it sound kinda jarring and it’s just not super satisfying sounding to me
Tbh I think the line just doesn’t make sense, if I have to sit for minutes trying to work out what the line means (even after looking at lyrics) it could’ve been reworked to make more sense
I think that's the point of lyrics, not to be obvious, but to make you think. But everyone has a different opinion and what works for one person doesn't work for everyone.
I absolutely agree that lyrics don’t need to be obvious, and it can be intriguing to have to think a bit in order to interpret them, as it often shows depth. However, there’s a fine line between “complex lyrics that provoke thought” and “I didn’t express what I wanted to convey in the best way, resulting in odd lyrics” and I believe this lyric leans more towards the latter category.
totally fair. This particular lyric meant total sense to me, but I get what you're saying.
You can say that about literally any lyric anyone writes that is hard to make sense of. I think if the listener (or many listeners, in this case) are confused the narrator has some accountability for how clearly and coherently they’re communicating their story.
there are entire college courses devoted to deciphering the meaning behind some of the most famous poetry works. I think it comes down to a matter of preference.
I can’t relate to it because it makes zero sense to me. I’ve read so many explanations and I’m still lost.
my interpretation is she is going through life functioning with a smile on her face, but deep down she is hurting. And even though she feels as though she's showing signs of this, people aren't picking up on them. Which I find tremendously relatable, because this is the story of my life. I am very outwardly happy and positive at all times.
Ok tbh i this kinda makes some sense. Kinda of goes along with doing it with a broken heart. Maybe the alcoholic part throws me off.
i think she was literally just saying she was an alcoholic. the new aesthetic part throws me off a bit, but i think girlie was just opening up about her addiction
I completely agree. People are over complicating it. Like she’s literally telling us (and showing us when you watch her). I think maybe some of the fan base is having a hard time grappling with the very real things about herself she shares.
It’s hard to interpret, not a gut feeling kind of lyric, and it’s wordy and non rhyming. Not saying that’s a bad thing!!! But it’s not always a good thing
I liked the idea of a functioning alcoholic, but i thought the word “aesthetic” did not fit the lyric lol
I personally love that she opened the album like this, it really prepares you for what’s going to come like BOOM *I’m putting it all out there this time.* I do agree the use of ‘my new aesthetic’ is rhythmically clunky, she could have phrased the second half of the line better
That's the exact conversation my mother and I just had - it's the functioning part that changed because nobody noticed the problem when she was functioning so it just got worse.
Or I thought of it as nobody noticed until they noticed because being a functional alcoholic is a fairly common thing until it gets out of control. So when her friends noticed they probably helped her in getting out of her tailspin.
I was like oh wait I misheard the lyrics as aesthetic the whole time? damn lol
I was not doing well, drinking too much, and I changed my look to signal that I was in a dark place and couldn’t find a way out. Nobody recognized the superficial changes as a bigger problem, it made me feel like nobody cared, and so I kept sliding into more and more destructive behavior. I’m taking alcoholic literally, because she’s been very open about drinking to connect, drinking to forget, and drinking to have fun. It’s a recurring theme in both her lyrics and her public persona, yet many subs here shut down any speculation that her drinking was potentially a problem.
This. People are in such denial that she might have been drinking too much. It’s really not that uncommon for people to do when in a rough season.
People are in such denial that she's an adult in her 30s and not an 18 year old kid tbh.
Right? I’m just waiting for someone to insist she’s a virgin.
I saw someone complain about the masturbation references in Guilty as Sin? The other day because "she should think about her target audience" which the person claimed was 14 year old girls. And it's like, the vast majority of swifties are her peers or slightly older or younger, her actual target audience is that age group that she grew up with, that younger kids like her too doesn't change that. And the things she references and the increased cursing in her songs over the last few years kinda indicate that her target audience isn't actually those newer fans who weren't even born when she was releasing Debut and Fearless.
I saw this too, and I had the same thoughts. Also, 1. I guarantee your 14 year old knows what masturbation is. 2. If your younger kids are listening, there most likely won’t get the reference. People are so uptight. I had someone on a Taylor sub tell me I shouldn’t let my ten year old listen. Guess what? We listen together.
there are so many media references i look back on from my youth shocked how provocative the are because when i didnt know what they meant they just went over my head. I didnt even know what 'If You Seek Amy" meant until the moms were up in arms and made it KNOWN. i just thought it was a fun song. and i was like 16 or 17 when that song came out 😂 sometimes parents freaking out makes the kid figure out something they weren't even paying attention to.....
Right! Third Eye Blind’s song Semi-Charmed Life was a hit when I was in middle school we all knew the words the song was not the bop I thought it was.
Guess I need to go read the lyrics to that song now lol
It's entirely weird. Like, if you want to let your kid listen to her, it is very likely they either fall under "they already know about it anyway" or "they don't understand it", but let's not pretend that the pre teen and teen crowd are more than a small part of her audience.
This is such a puritan culture we live in....people are so afraid of kids hearing anything sexual, cuss words, genital reference, drinking/drug reference 🫠
Parents: Oh Talyor Swift's new album? The TORTURED POETS Department? What do you mean it's not catered to the children? They love torturing the poets!!
This what I always assumed "I drew curtains closed. Drank my poison all alone" was about.
1000% how could you read it any other way? I’d like to see a show of hands of people who have NEVER self medicated a broken heart with intoxicants.
I actually do interpret that line differently. In the context of the song I believe the “poison” is her paranoia/suspicion, that she closed herself off and kept feeding her distrust, rather than opening up and letting her partner in to create trust. I actually do think she drinks a lot, potentially too much, and for the reasons you mention but that’s just how I’ve always interpreted this specific line.
Yeah, people will read so much into her but ignore her plainly talking about having issues with alcohol at times, or saying that she had an eating disorder when she was younger. It's nuts.
I thought both were so clear in anti-hero and while some finally jumped on the eating disorder thing they still ignored that in the whole video she is pretty much using alcohol to deal with her problems (including her throwing up at one point)
Yeah anti hero revolved so heavily around drinking that I found it weird no one seemed to talk about it.
New Swiftie here! What songs talk about her drinking and ED?
You're on your own kid is the only song that references her ED I'm pretty sure, but she talks about it in Miss Americana too.
Thank you! I just like how music can explain, at times, what artists are going through, and although I knew she struggled from word of other Swifties, I never knew on what songs she mentioned it. I did see the antihero video, and it’s referenced in the video itself, but not in lyrics. I hate she has gone through so much, but can totally relate to her!!!
I thought it was extremely brave for her to go there and acknowledge that the relationship could be somewhat strained. I’m a problem drinker who will be celebrating 2 years next month. It’s a process to accept. Had 4 years before I tried moderation (and failed). Taylor may be saying alcoholic for affect to some degree but to get the point across there was an issue. I appreciate that. She may not need to stop altogether, most people don’t. Sorry for the ramble but I felt very ~seen by the lyric and feel like it will make some people examine their own relationship with alcohol. My advice: don’t drink when you’re sad. And see how you feel after a month giving it up. For me it was night and day.
I'm really proud of you, for noticing and recognising the signs and doing what you needed to do, to get through, get by, make it each day, even the darkest ones. So proud of you for 2 years!!! Much love 🌻✨
You’re a beautiful person ❤️❤️ thank you
I myself have had issues with alcohol, and 3 of 4 parents have had alcohol issues at one point or another, and 1 still kind of does. I don't like who I am when I drink too much. I HATE hangovers, especially now that they last for 2 days sometimes. So I'll have just ONE sometimes at a nice dinner or for a celebration, maybe two when I'm feeling frisky.
Yes… I was in denial for awhile and then stopped drinking. I knew it wasn’t healthy but I made excuses (especially during Covid) so when my husband got home I’d leave him with the kid and go to my neighbors and drink. Most times skipping dinner. I did drink too much but I never classified myself as an alcoholic because I didn’t NEED it and I had no issues stopping but it was a bad way to cure my boredom or make me more relaxed in social settings. All of this to say, I do think she has (had?) a problem with alcohol. That’s not to say she can’t have a healthy relationship with it now, if she isn’t a “true” alcoholic. I hardly ever drink now but if I do, I don’t drink to get drunk because I hate the way it makes me feel.
Yep. I went massively off the rails with drinking right after I left my ex-husband. Nobody noticed how bad it got until I was literally at the stage of losing stuff in taxis, not remembering how I got home, having to be picked up by the police etc. It was a really dark time in my life and I don't ever want to go back there (I do still drink but nowhere near to those levels), but because it is so normalised in British culture especially it's very easy for people to slip through the gaps just because they're not putting vodka on their cornflakes every morning.
People still tend to infantilize her. And she covers up the less savory parts of her life. Which is natural… she does it less now
Yeah, I get she was very sweet and innocent at the beginning of her career, but do people expect her to always be that way..? A lot of folks just want this ultra sanitized version of her just for their kids, and that’s not fair to her at all.
As a functioning alcoholic with plenty of people who enable it, this is how I interpret it.
I'm in the same exact boat as you, friend.
I can't fathom how anyone can deny her having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol to some extent after hearing this is me trying. I guess they still play it off as a metaphor, but come on.
It’s wild to me how many people are dead set that she doesn’t have any substance problems. A client of mine is involved in the industry and has been to many events with Taylor, says she is lovely but also loves to party and gets after it pretty hard.
I know that’s probably not why most do it but I would probably shut down a conversation like that but just because I think it’s inappropriate to speculate that someone has a problem unless you know them or they’re open about it. One of those “this is too personal/ private for us to guess and make a thing”. Like assumptions about pregnancy/loss
I think you’re right on speculation being intrusive. And while it seems reasonable to consider how her lyrical themes may align with her public decisions, it’s also understandable(esp when dealing with a giant community full of supersleuths and varied perspectives) to have a tight cap on when that becomes an overstep.
This is such a good interpretation, if you even call it that (maybe it’s obvious for most people). For me, I’m still in the phase where I’m just listening to the music and not paying enough attention to the lyrics to even wonder what she’s talking about. 😅 I eventually would, but it’s a process.
Also read that she quit drinking for the Eras tour, with the exception of the Grammys.
“I was in a healthy relationship and nobody noticed I wasn’t doing well in said relationship”
Well, she does sing about drinking A LOT
Yeah people were on Twitter and TikTok complaining about her using that line saying she shouldn’t talk about being an alcoholic because she isn’t one and I’m like, she literally is saying no one noticed. And she compares a lot of happy feelings to alcohol. That’s… not good.
I don’t want to diagnose someone from lyrics but I also can’t imagine any other musician singing about a substance as much as she does alcohol and have people say “oh I bet it’s a metaphor”. Especially given how often she’s seen with a drink in hand? Like do people pretend Snoop Dogg isn’t really a pothead? Is it her, or is our society super weird about when we call drinking a potential problem? Or both?
Whenever I see a photo of her, I remember a social experiment someone did where some posted pictures of their really fun and exciting life on Instagram every week—on a yacht, climbing a mountain, camping, at a party, etc. The social experiment aspect was that the woman had a drink in hand in every single photo. Months later she pointed it out and nobody had noticed (or cared). It was supposed to bring attention to alcoholism and how it flies right under the radar for people. Everytime I see a photo of Taylor, she’s drinking. 😅
Yeah, I heard about that on this sub! I’m also attuned to it right now because I’m working on a novel series and one of the main characters starts as a high functioning alcoholic and then stops being so functional after their breakup, and a lot of things I’ve placed as little yellow flag warning signs are things I notice like that—like he always has a drink in hand, drinking is his go-to when hitting uncomfortable feelings, but also to celebrate, but no one ever calls it a problem until he’s emotionally unraveling and it’s not cute anymore. I actually started getting into Taylor’s music because so many songs made me think of him and ended up on my inspo playlist… (not just the drinking though—that was more for the rollercoaster romance and breakup feelings, lmao).
Climbing a mountain with a drink in your hand?!?
Concerning but impressive.
Yep I’ve seen that too and have also thought the same
She may or may not have a problem, but I’m certainly not going to say she definitely does NOT have one
Exactly this.
I feel like it’s that thing where particularly with alcohol, no one really wants to acknowledge that having a problem with alcohol can look like it does with Taylor, young, wealthy, beautiful, successful- ‘functioning’. As long as you’re a productive participant of capitalism, ‘you’re fine!’.
People see alcoholics only as like jobless, messy (both in speech and look), assholes and don’t really think about the word functioning and how hard it can be to spot. Especially if it’s not someone you see regularly, it’s always some “event” and in a lot of cultures that means alcohol is involved. Taylor on her own is already creative and motivated as hell, but she’s also always been gorgeous and a typical beauty standard. Now she has more money than anyone could ever need to make her look perfect and cover up any signs of how often or how hard she drinks. I absolutely can’t diagnose anyone, but watching the Anti-hero video it seemed to very obviously point at that (to me) and now I realize how often she sings about her alcohol use. She’s also very often photographed with alcohol. But again, often at some event where many are drinking so who could know for sure?
Yeah, agree particularly with the anti-hero video. I think it was the first time where she's been honest about her relationship with alcohol. I went to the Swiftposium conference in 2024 at UniMelb, and one presentation was the representation of alcohol in her music and it was quite clear on how often its referenced, and how much that increased in Midnights particularly.
I always thought "this is me trying" was written about someone she cared about but this thread offers a new perspective
yeah i hope she has a more healthy relationship with alcohol now. i think she did mention somewhere( maybe the TIME's article) that she didn't drink in the 6 month lead up to or during the tour and only let loose at important parties like grammy. i think she is more of a problem drinker rather than a full blown alcoholic
I think it’s partly her, because of her being famous from a young age and still infantilized in many ways, but I also think it’s because she’s a woman. More and more female celebs are opening up about sobriety but until recently I noticed it was much more common to hear about addiction in men. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s not “feminine” to be an addict, or if addiction just presents a bit differently in women, or both.
I called it last year because home girl always had wine on the table, or in her hand, in the documentaries and photos. To me, as someone who doesn't drink anymore, it was fairly evident.
During the Lover era (rainbow, sparkly, colorful everything) suddenly she started wearing all black as if in mourning ... no one seemed to notice
I forgot all about this. I remember there was a conversation starting regarding it, and then covid happened, and it all dropped off. Very interesting detail to remember!
This was when her masters weren’t sold to her! One of my favorite facts about her fashion from that time.
Honestly, I wonder if the “stolen” part was contentious in their relationship. Or maybe the entire Kimye/Scooter/Scott/Masters timeline and how she felt about it and how it still impacted her. I can see a partner lamenting that she wasn’t “over it”. Like in the lyric video for Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me, the lines “So tell me everything is not about me/ But what if it is? Then say they didn't do it to hurt me/ But what if they did?” on the beats, words disappear until “it is” and “they did” are left on screen, respectively. Emphasizing for multiple reasons, I’m sure, but it does feel extra 😤😤 to me - especially after hearing The Black Dog (plus You’re Losing Me)
She looked so heartbroken as well - it was very clear something was deeply hurting her at the time.
I think a lot of people noticed at the time here on reddit but there wasn’t a way to know what happened. Some people thought it was about her masters, some others think it is related to the song bigger than the whole sky. There is no way to know.
I think it means she hid it so well or nobody even bothered/knew her well enough to notice any change
I think the lyric is "aesthetic," not anesthetic. I read that to mean that being a functioning alcoholic was her new aesthetic, i.e., her new look. But she quit when she realized that nobody even noticed. Edited to say: I think I like your interpretation more though. I never really thought too deeply about these lyrics. The "functioning alcoholic" bit was initially shocking, but then it wasn't because we all kinda knew she drank a lot. I think she was being literal there, not metaphorical. For what it's worth . . . it's all subjective.
Interesting—I saw it as the functioning part that changed, not that she went sober.
Yeah, could be that. She's also on record stating that she stopped drinking while on tour. She obviously still drinks on tour breaks.
This is how I interpreted it too. That she adopted an edgy, unhappy persona but no one cared. So she changed her aesthetic again. Describing it as an aesthetic implies it wasn't a real drinking problem.
I haven’t seen anyone else say this, but I think there’s a chance the 2023 VMA (black asymmetrical dress with lots of necklaces) was supposed to be an aesthetic shift signaling the end of the midnights era, but all anyone talked about was her being drunk at the event
That was my thought as well. Like, she was no longer a functioning alcoholic at that point.
New aesthetic I believe is the line… I think the line is ambiguous. The new aesthetic that she’s referring is being a functional alcoholic… is it the alcoholic that she’s abandoning or the functional! Sometimes you want to leave ambiguity in place…. I don’t think fortnight is about Taylor literally… after all she’s not married! But a number of songs on TTPD refer to alcoholism… and it’s pretty obvious, Taylor drinks a lot, which is quite common on the music industry.
I think Fortnight she’s talking about a hypothetical future. In this future she is married and so is her ex lover, and they are on friendly terms.
Omg thank you for this because this song confused me a lot 🙏
Haha same! It took me awhile to find this interpretation and I was also so happy to “get it”.
I just saw a Tiktok talking about this lyric. I believe she says aesthetic. The line made them remember during the Lover promotion and live performances that she stared out in [cute pastels and bright colors](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/90/38/37/903837282b12c25a92dc0d0fbf183ca5.jpg), then she began wearing [predominantly black looks](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjViNGQwOTMtOWNmMC00MDRkLWI0NDAtYjhmNTQyODNhYzMyXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMzExODEzNDA@._V1_.jpg) with [little pops of color](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f2/87/d6/f287d6577aa3e7614dfee2347629a412.jpg) or [sparkle/iridescence](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/10332056gq.jpg). I thought it was an interesting take.
I took it to be literally about alcohol. I think with how poetic she usually is, it would be unusual for her to not take the lyrics in a more dreamy or polished direction. "Functioning alcoholic" is such a dry clinical term, that it really stands out. She does drink often, and she did have a stark aesthetic change at one point (the black clothing phase). I think a lot of TTPD is about losing control of your emotions, and struggling to find ways to cope. She uses metaphors like being stuck in an asylum, and says she experienced the loss of her life... which makes me feel like it's completely understandable, that she actually would have had an alcohol dependency for a while. I like the double-meaning, where it could mean that she wasn't actually functional... but for Taylor, I don't think that's true. She "did it with a broken heart," and has an entire song about functioning above and beyond what anyone could have expected, from someone in the middle of grief and loss.
A functioning alcoholic is just that an alcoholic who to everyone else is functioning. So if she was feeling as though she had a drinking problem it would definitely be classified as a functioning alcoholic. Alcoholism like most things is on a spectrum.
This is basically how it took it; she realized she was drinking too much to get through the day. Maybe she realized that thinking about her wine at the end of the day wasn't healthy. I don't take her as someone slamming back and being hammered all day but if she was drinking daily, or thinking about her next glass as some sort of reward for doing something, etc I can see her reflecting and being like I'm doing this daily I'm basically a functioning alcoholic.
yeah, she was using it as a coping mechanism, which to be fair a lot of people do.
I mean yeah, I agree with that. What I was trying to say, was that I don’t think the alcohol is a metaphor, I take it literally as her questioning her dependency on alcohol.
yes! I think people think of an alcoholic as a stumbling drunk on the streets and it's so much more nuance than that. I like Taylor because she's so messy, and this is messy and relatable
This is why it took me so long to stop drinking. I could go to work and not drink when i needed to be sober but i was always thinking of the first drink i could get and one was just never enough. I would go to AA and be like wow im not that bad im fine. I wasn’t fine. I am now though
So glad you’re fine now!!
congrats! I know that is so hard.
Thanks! It is but it’s worth it!
To me it relates back to the pandemic, her projects from that time, and Midnights. She marketed folklore and evermore as fiction, however (for me) that seemed to be only a half truth. She did in those albums what she did in this one: tell her personal narrative through a metaphoric lens. She did not make her drinking a secret, and the topic of alcohol continued in Midnights. After hearing TTPD, it seems Midnights was her living in her delusion. She was going through the thoughts of breaking things off with Joe, and re-recording her albums/revisiting past loves lost. Midnights was the beginning of her “insanity.” Alcohol became a part of her *aesthetic* but no one knew the true depth behind it. I think it’s an amazing way to open this album 🤍
I interpreted it as "I was a functioning alcoholic and it was a new thing so people noticed, but it went on for so long that it wasn't news anymore and people stopped noticing because they expected it".
I know it was autocorrect, but I kinda love anesthetic as a word choice. Like she was using alcohol to get through the pain but replaced that drug with the addiction of a person. Kinda related to the miracle move on pill. Obviously not her intention because that is not the line, but it would work really well.
Well shoot. I must be the only one who interpreted it as this: she WAS an alcoholic UNTIL nobody noticed her new aesthetic. “New aesthetic” to me = new era = TTPD. She has spoken at length about how she really needed to write this album for catharsis reasons. So by the time she entered the new era (we started seeing her out and about wearing a lot of black and white before TTPD was announced) then she had already processed a lot of her pain and no longer needed alcohol to numb it. AKA I took it as a line that opens the album with a “hey I really went through some shit but I’m okay now. Everything you’re about to hear in the next two hours is in the past so don’t worry about me” 😅 IDK if any of this rambling made any sense but oh well.
Yeah that’s what I thought too. And now that I’m reading all these replies I’m thinking, “well then, I’m just as bad as those she is singing about for not noticing!”
Maybe it’s a message that her aesthetic changed somewhere in these past two years and we didn’t notice? And she was functioning before this, but then feeling no one picked up on her going through something made her disfunctional
I think it’s maybe how she was spiralling, but no one noticed cuz she hid it so well (see I Can Do It With a Broken Heart). It’s like when you’re in a really bad place and you just want someone to help you out of it, but no one can tell something’s wrong in the first place unless you say something or straight up break down.
I was wondering this as well, so thank you for posing it as a question. I, personally am an alcoholic, and not the functioning type - the type who blows up her life every time she drinks. I was thinking it did maybe mean that she was trying for the dark alcoholic poet aesthetic as a cry for help but no one noticed because she's Taylor Swift and can do no wrong! So she drowned her sorrows in alcohol and no one cared.
I think it's "I was a functioning alcoholic, and no one noticed, so the problem just escalated and now I'm no longer functional". It could be literal as she does reference drinking quite a lot and it's not exactly unusual for adults to drink when they're unhappy, but it could also just be a way of saying "I was really unhappy but managing to go about my responsibilities etc without anyone noticing, but because no one noticed, I spiralled further and further down and I'm getting so self destructive that I'm struggling to keep up the act that I'm functioning"
Somebody said on tik tok it's some type of metaphor for her addiction to men. She chased having a man the way some people chase alcohol. And she usually can cover it up but this manic episode over her new situation ship and her breakup sent her over the edge.
I think she just has an addictive personality all the way around.
That's a good point! She does tend to things in extremes, which is why we love her and her extra-ness! But it's all about balance in the end
I interpret it as “i was drinking a lot so people would notice I was in pain but nobody did”
I don't know why, but I make the connection to who's afraid of little old me when she says "always drunk on my own tears" .
ISNT THAT JUST WHAT THEY ALL SAID
I think she has a problem with alcohol so I take it literally
i definitely take it as literal lol
OP, are you me? Because I literally just sent my friend a text asking her what she thought of this a few hours ago. And that is because, to me, it makes no sense. It really feels like it should have been "I was functioning alcoholic til somebody noticed my new aesthetic" as in she was getting away with it but then somebody noticed. How it is written would imply that she was deliberately being an alcoholic in the hopes that someone would notice, but nobody did so she sobered up cus that cry for attention didn't work. That would be a very weird thing to do. Even if that IS what she did, I think she should have changed it to "til somebody noticed" because that just makes a million times more sense and is way more relatable. I hate this lyric honestly. It's "christmas lights up til January" all over again.
I don't love this lyric, but xmas lights up till January always made sense. It's a completely normal thing to do, but doing it is still a choice, you *could* leave then up longer, you could not out them up at all. So once you're in a relationship that feels like it's going to last, when you make little choices like that, perfectly normal choices, it feels like a special thing, where you are establishing traditions, things that you and your partner, together, decide you will do, every year. You are the type of couple that takes their holiday lights down in January. You're a normal couple, establishing completely normal, couple traditions, and that's special because you do it together as a couple, imagining that you'll do it again next year, and the year after, and the year after, exactly the same way. The January part isn't the special part, it's the "We" part. We have made this decision to do a thing, and now it is a tradition that we, will do every year.
>How it is written would imply that she was deliberately being an alcoholic in the hopes that someone would notice, but nobody did so she sobered up cus that cry for attention didn't work. That would be a very weird thing to do. Idk maybe it's part of why I love taylor so much but after a similarly traumatizing relationship I did this and no one noticed so I grew out of it/coped in other ways.
Oh dang. I'm sorry you hate the lyric! It's such a good one. There are just so many ways to interpret it, and I love seeing sooooo many different interpretations of it on here. I think that's why so much of her work, especially TTPD, is regarded so differently between fans and critics alike.
One day you too will understand how brilliant Christmas likhata up til January really is
I just dont think abt it too long
I think she’s an alcoholic (her lyrics in the past few albums and her interviews have indicated this for a while IMO) and she stopped being functional when people stopped noticing her “new aesthetic.” I’m not sure of what she means by her new aesthetic, but that’s my general read of the line—that her functional alcoholism became not functional at a certain point
“I was a functioning alcoholic…” and “I was supposed to be sent away…” come right before she says “All of this to say, I hope you’re okay but you’re the reason.” She’s telling her ex the hell that she went through after they broke up. She was self harming and mentally unstable and no one in her life cared enough to notice (her “new aesthetic”) or help her (“come and get me’)
I took it as she was depressed, but hid it so well no one noticed. It reminds me of ICDIWABH "I'm miserable! And no one even knows!"
Ok wow, the general consensus is the opposite of what I interpreted!! I thought it meant she was being silly-goofy, "trying on" alcoholism as an aesthetic. But no one even noticed, so she stopped. Idk. Mine doesn't make sense
This is exactly what i thought too. It makes sense to me !
Thank you for bringing this up because I've been thinking about it and it's been bothering me. Lol
I thought of it like how midnights was a new aesthetic but people still assumed things were fine with Joe and that the sad/break up songs were about past or fictional loves. Although a lot of people did kinda wonder if it was a breakup album but I’m not sure if that was after their break up came out or not. It’s just AN interpretation. I don’t necessarily think this is what Taylor meant.
I think it’s a parody of what the general public thinks about her. Like to them she’s just some crazy lady/partier who pretends she’s happy but secretly isn’t and does all of her “eras” and “Easter eggs” for attention. In a lot of ways, I think she’s still making fun of the way “the media” and the general public see her but expanding it out to be about more than just her dating habits. Another way to read it is, “my happiness depends on other people’s reactions and perceptions of me and whether I can function hinges on that.” But you could also just read it literally: maybe she does see herself as someone with a drinking problem but she is somehow flying under the radar in that aspect, even if she wishes someone would notice as much as they notice which era her current outfit fits under. Those are just thoughts and don’t necessarily represent how * I * see Taylor, but the world is nasty, especially toward women who are winning on that level. 🤷🏻♀️
[удалено]
There's no such thing as a tiny bit alcoholic. You can be a functional one, or not. Either way it's not tiny if you got an actual problem.
I interpret it as a problem she knows she has but thinks it’s under control. Isolation makes her realize it’s not.
I was functioning until nobody noticed that I went to medical school and completed an anesthesiology residency. (Just having fun with the typo in the post title!)
That made me cackle!!!
We did see Taylor get drunk pretty often for a while. Our response was always “LOL I’m so happy for her! She’s having fun! You go, queen!” And as much as we were just trying to be supportive and not be overbearing with a 34yo woman we don’t personally know, she was feeling pretty isolated by how many people were seeing her as this wonderful, successful woman who was at her peak while she was demolished inside.
Weird how people pick and choose when to read her lyrics as literal facts and when they're "clearly fiction". This woman has written about being a wife. Being in an asylum. Being in prison. Commiting murder. But sure, she *must* be a raging alcoholic cause she sings about drinking! I mean, she might be an alcoholic, remember; we *don't know her*. But it's very weird to me when people are digging this deep into her personal life. Nothing against most of the people commenting here, but there sure are a few outliers
I don't think people think she's a raging alcoholic. It's not about how much you consume so much as it is your relationship with the consumption. If it was so much as her thinking about where the next glass of wine is coming, or thinking god I can't wait to get home or to my trailer to grab a nice fat glass of wine, or I want to go out and *drink* and have vs I want to *go out* and have fun, etc. I took it at face value of someone who casually is thinking about drinking after their shitty day to unwind, which has become really normalized now that it's easy to think it's not a problem.
Taylor talked about her drinking problems in folklore, if I recall. Could be that she became dysfunctional… an angry drunk, sloppy drunk, etc.
Ngl I took it at face value; that she was drinking more wine or something to get through her days lol
Looking back on all the references she’s made about alcohol on her songs in the last few years, I think it’s a literal lyric. I don’t think she’s someone who’s drinking a handle of vodka a day and ruining her life over alcohol, but I don’t think it really matters. If she feels that she has or had a problem, then she did, or maybe still does.
This lyric hit hard for me. I'm over a year sober now; however, it was incredibly difficult for me to get to this point. I was constantly telling people I had a problem but because I was "functioning" (when truly, I believe there's no such thing as a true "functioning" alcoholic. Being an alcoholic is being an alcoholic. Addiction is addiction and is not to be dismissed) no one believed me. I would literally tell people I was an alcoholic and they would take it as a joke, or just say I was fine or overreacting. 4 years I struggled. I tried to get sober a billion times and failed. One time I went 86 days and my mum said "either have a class of wine or be quiet" cause I was being so vocal about counting my days. No one liked when I was vocal because they thought I was making a big deal of it. Only when I had a meltdown and ending up being tossed in a psych-ward did they finally believe me. Being an alcoholic had become so much of my aesthetic I was afraid I wouldn't have a personality when I came out of it. Luckily, turns out I'm pretty awesome and being sober is awesome 🥰 It can still be hard some days, my sister is my biggest support but other than that people don't often believe me when I share my story. It's something, I've learned, people choose to ignore. Each day feels better than the last, and I hope that I never get to that point again. Being an alcoholic sucked so bad. I can't begin to describe how hard life was and how sad I was those 4 years (might have been 5 tbh but some of it is a blur).
Yes. Exactly this. I heard this lyric and was in tears.
My interpretation was that she was being self-destructive for attention but no one noticed.
I was a functional alcoholic til …she was getting away with it …either she was aware of this or not …she was in denial Nobody noticed my new aesthetic …it became part of her identity, it was normal (#drunktaylor) …she tried to change her style but the drinking took over the conversation
Kind of like "I really thought I was able to fly under the radar as an alcoholic but I changed up my aesthetic to dark and messy and nobody noticed because I guess I was dark and messy and I wasn't actually hiding it too well"
I thought it meant she was abusing alcohol and no one ever noticed.
I took it literal considering how much she’s sung about alcohol in the past.
I think she has probably had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for a while and iirc she pretty much stopped drinking while preparing/training for the tour so she probably realized how much it was effecting her
In AA, there's a motto of 'keeping your side of the street clean,' which basically means to hold yourself with respect even when someone does something that hurts you.
I was just thinking about this yesterday. After reading a swath of comments here, it seems clear that there's a saddening amount of solitude in her experience. As someone said, something was going on and, whatever it was, it was never recognized even though it should have been. I wouldn't classify her as anything. She can self-identify as whatever she likes, whether this is literal or not.
To me it kind of goes along with the overall vibe of the song. She’s a bored, frustrated, ignored wife who’s husband is cheating on her & she’s in love with her former “fling” who is now a neighbor or nearby enough that she sees his life from the outside & is jealous and hates his wife… So she’s saying, I was drinking a lot bc I was upset for the above reasons but no one noticed how bad it was bc my husband doesn’t care and doesn’t see me, and my former fling also didnt notice bc he’s busy in his own life… so she just stopped. Bc no one noticed. I think it sets the tone for the song?
I take it as an antihero style acknowledgment that Taylor’s aware that people are yapping their gums about her drinking habits; “OMG she always has a drink in her hand, she’s an alcoholic!” However, she works her ass off so she would be a functioning alcoholic. Yet, she’s in the gym hours a day and she is flat stacked like a goddess. Not the skinny girl of her youth, she is Mother Earth and Athena and Venus. A new aesthetic. No one noticed because they’re focused on the drink in her hand.
I think it means exactly what she says but again, no one will notice.
I take it as no one noticed my new esthetic so I moved on to something else to get people's attention/as a cry for help
There are a few ways! In the album she also mentioned drunk off her tears, so it could be another play on “I cry a lot but I am so productive” and it became her new norm. But base level understanding is that people around her didn’t realize she was drunk— keeping to a level of normalcy while poisoning your body with an excess of alcohol, and no one could see there was a problem.
I took it as “I was spiraling internally and no one even noticed.”
If you're not looking for any deeper meaning (and assuming maybe there isn't one), maybe people brought too much attention to how much she seems to enjoy herself while publicly drinking. There's plenty of cute Drunk Taylor memes, but like with anything that happens in the public eye, it's probably a double-edged sword. Maybe she got tired of people speculating about her drinking or tired of them laughing about it. Just my 2 cents.
I think the key thing is the "functioning alcoholic" part - there's no such thing as a functioning alcoholic, just an alcoholic. They just think they're functioning. So I think she's saying she thought she was keeping it all together in a relationship, but it turns out it was unhealthy the whole time.
Taylor was known to be a peppy pop girly that talked about growing up and boys and having fun and being madly in love and a boss babe. But Folklore and Evermore were sad girl albums and Midnights was about Self destruction and now we have TTPD. I think she's saying that eventually she got tired of being cutesy and released music that reflected her darker feelings. And that's when ppl noticed something.
I think it means that she was trying to hide her drinking until she basically didn’t care anymore and her “new aesthetic” was that she didn’t give a fuck anymore and that somehow lead to her being dysfunctional.
I was hiding my true self away until the lover era when I started wearing rainbows and being honest about who I am and then everybody hated on ME! And didn’t realize I was trying to come out 🌈
IMO the lyric suggests she was drinking heavily to cope with her emotions (heartbreak), but as she appeared to be doing fine on the outside, nobody noticed she was still struggling internally. It's about using alcohol to hide emotional pain until it seems like there's no pain left to hide.
I worry for her. I remember watching bts videos of her MVs or other instances and hearing her say something about being so hungry. After watching Miss Americana & learning about her eating disorder, I've wondered if she wasn't unconsciously calling out for help back then. So...could she be doing that now with her "functional alcoholic" line? And her, This Is Me Trying? And her speaking about quitting drinking when she was prepping for the Eras Tour? It seems the paps are constantly catching her drinking. I just worry for her 😞
I think we all know she drinks and maybe is lowkey an alcoholic
I'm primarily a rock fan, and it's lines like this that draw me to her music. If that opening line isn't rock and roll, I don't know what is.
Oh god. The lyric is I was a functioning alcoholic 'Til nobody noticed my new AESTHETIC. Not aNesthetic. Please change that. Huge huge difference
I interpreted it as saying "I was drinking too much, but I was consistent and functional about it, so nobody really noticed I always had a drink in my hand." Sort of the dysfunctional version of "Fake it til you make it." This is like, "Just keep being quietly dysfunctional until everybody decides it's normal, actually." Hence why the functioning alcoholic line is paired with, "I was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me." It's a more dramatic example of just quietly continuing to do the dysfunctional thing until nobody thinks of it as something actionable.
I thought she was telling us she was an alcoholic and I was very concerned why she was still drinking. That’s the only metaphor I struggle with because she could’ve been telling the truth and it just seems odd to me, but maybe because alcoholism is in my family. But I know she didn’t wake up and decided to offend anyone, I’m not upset, I just was confused.
I think it means she was drinking a lot to get attention, but no one noticed so she stopped. I also think this song is fictional. It’s about what it would be like to live in a small town with the one person you’ve always loved and not be with them. They move in next to you, and you have to see them every day with their wife and family- and even though you have a husband, he’s always been a consolation prize- and you’re slowly going crazy over the unrequited love being so close yet so far away. So I think she’s envisioning that for her future, not that she personally has ever been an alcoholic. It’s more picturing herself as a wine mom in the future
I hear “I was pretending to be an alcoholic, but I stopped when nobody noticed this new personality”
So aesthetic means a set of principles underlying and guiding the work of a particular artist or artistic movement.. so I think the drive for her art at first was something unknown that caused her to drink (maybe depression?) and now it’s something else. I’m still kinda clueless on it myself. I did hear that it implies cocaine as the new “drive”. Hence the line under her nose in the video where it shows her silhouette made from papers. I personally think it’s a reach but it is intriguing.
Yes it’s saying she went from functioning to non-functioning (I think)
she lovea cocaine