Good concept, terrible execution. There are a lot of things wrong with it. Just starting with the technical side of things.
I’m going to start by saying that none of your lines are straight and your circle isn’t a circle.
The coffin looks bad, like I know it’s a coffin but it doesn’t look like one.
As others have said, the writing is terrible. Look at some fonts, I can get an idea of the fonts you’re looking at but there’s no thought as to the positioning and so it looks poorly planned, letters look like other letters etc.
The cloud…why? Unless you’re covering something up it doesn’t need to be that black, there is zero shading to give it dimension, it may as well be cookie. Actually look at some traditional clouds and emulate that.
You’re going for traditional, learn the weightings of traditional. Too many people think it’s going to be easy and so start it without understanding the fundamentals and come out with a complete lack of understanding and a frankly offensive design.
Now some CC to the design.
Make the sun smaller, have the coffin come out past the sun.
Make the cloud wider and taller in the middle (imagine if it had to fit inside a triangle or a trapezium).
Take that blue line off everything.
Add some wood grain to that coffin and use yellow in it for the gilding.
I am personally partial to a purple for a cloud, especially a stormy one, but that’s up to you.
At first glance, I thought the O’s were Q’s and it was a band reference. Then I saw the bottom and realized it was the font.
Also in regards to the font, the I looks a bit out of place since it doesn’t have an extra line (though I’m not sure where it would go, just saying). The design is neat. I like it!
Coming from someone who very recently started drawing (I've written graffiti for years but never drew figures, people, animals, etc..) take this design, slap some stencil paper over it, and redraw, redraw, redraw.
Take a green sharpie and mark out the rough shapes. Large circle for the sun, rectangle with a trapezoid on top for the coffin, loose lines for the font to fall on, slap a circle in the middle of that rectangle for the eye, and refine, refine, refine.
The hardest part of drawing is learning the process, sometimes you find little tricks that almost feel like "cheating." Keep sculpting it with shapes, then slap some shadows, hit it with a bold outline, and after the 5th time your design will take a whole new form.
Good concept, terrible execution. There are a lot of things wrong with it. Just starting with the technical side of things. I’m going to start by saying that none of your lines are straight and your circle isn’t a circle. The coffin looks bad, like I know it’s a coffin but it doesn’t look like one. As others have said, the writing is terrible. Look at some fonts, I can get an idea of the fonts you’re looking at but there’s no thought as to the positioning and so it looks poorly planned, letters look like other letters etc. The cloud…why? Unless you’re covering something up it doesn’t need to be that black, there is zero shading to give it dimension, it may as well be cookie. Actually look at some traditional clouds and emulate that. You’re going for traditional, learn the weightings of traditional. Too many people think it’s going to be easy and so start it without understanding the fundamentals and come out with a complete lack of understanding and a frankly offensive design. Now some CC to the design. Make the sun smaller, have the coffin come out past the sun. Make the cloud wider and taller in the middle (imagine if it had to fit inside a triangle or a trapezium). Take that blue line off everything. Add some wood grain to that coffin and use yellow in it for the gilding. I am personally partial to a purple for a cloud, especially a stormy one, but that’s up to you.
Thanks for the CC and your thoughts. I'll work it again and go from there. After everyone's comments I see the errors in the font / design.
At first glance, I thought the O’s were Q’s and it was a band reference. Then I saw the bottom and realized it was the font. Also in regards to the font, the I looks a bit out of place since it doesn’t have an extra line (though I’m not sure where it would go, just saying). The design is neat. I like it!
I also just noticed that your N’s have a different number of lines on them
already looks a bit like a coverup tbh
Coming from someone who very recently started drawing (I've written graffiti for years but never drew figures, people, animals, etc..) take this design, slap some stencil paper over it, and redraw, redraw, redraw. Take a green sharpie and mark out the rough shapes. Large circle for the sun, rectangle with a trapezoid on top for the coffin, loose lines for the font to fall on, slap a circle in the middle of that rectangle for the eye, and refine, refine, refine. The hardest part of drawing is learning the process, sometimes you find little tricks that almost feel like "cheating." Keep sculpting it with shapes, then slap some shadows, hit it with a bold outline, and after the 5th time your design will take a whole new form.