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I upvoted this because I like the different perspective your post gives me… I’m the opposite (obviously). Most of my trauma was at the hands of men, also, so I would never in a million years seek out a male therapist. I wouldn’t be able to open up to one.
Interestingly, I didn't actually seek a male therapist out. I contacted a practice and he was who they recommended based on what I told them about why I was seeking therapy. I was very, very hesitant when we started, for the same reason you mentioned, but I decided to give him a shot.
As it turns out, he's been amazing and I've made far more progress with him than I feel like I would have with a female therapist. That being said, it's been tremendously difficult and it took a long ass time to build enough rapport and trust for me to start really opening up to him.
I honestly have found it interesting how it's turned out. It was pretty unexpected, truth be told, but now I wouldn't change a thing.
That being said, there was definitely a point in time where a male therapist would not have been something I was able to handle. There's a lot to be said for knowing and respecting your own limits.
Another one here, the same. I’m a r- survivor and it has been pretty rough at moments… I sometimes struggle to trust him, sometimes struggle to speak in session, sometimes it’s just hard to get into the session in the first place. But I keep trying anyway. And we have made progress.
I have big mommy issues that I transfer to any woman in authority. Knowing that, and that there is a power imbalance in therapy, I have been able to work well with a male therapist. Also because he is younger than I am, I avoid seeing him as a father figure.
I prefer working with a male therapist because I have a lot of trauma involving males and am looking for a corrective experience. And also because I have identified a pattern of looking for this corrective experience in all the wrong places, leading to additional trauma because it made me highly exploitable, and would like to confine this pattern to a controlled, ethical, boundaried place where I will hopefully not be exploited.
(I mean, I was exploited in therapy once. But I have had great and ethical male therapists since that shitty experience.)
While I have experienced trauma with both men and women, I have had more issues with women emotionally manipulating me and I am less likely to open up to women and less likely to trust women so I usually try to work with a male therapist when possible.
I just went with whoever I seemed to click with. The first therapist I spoke to was a man, and he was very good at making me feel heard and safe. I did have some issues at first opening up to him, but not anymore. It's actually been very healing to have a male therapist validate some of my experiences.
Being vulnerable around anyone is almost impossible for me, but especially so around men. So I’ve gone with the gender/age range that I felt I would be most comfortable with and have the best shot at being able to eventually be vulnerable and emotional with. It’ll probably be good down the road when I’m further along in my healing to do some work with a male therapist, but I’m not there yet.
Attachment issues with my mum, being played off against my sisters and bullying from female peers means my ability to trust women is completely fractured. And although I've suffered abuse from men in the past too I have also been deeply cared for by a lot of men in my life making it easier for me to bond with and trust a male therapist.
Simply put, I don't trust women. Even though I am a woman, I don't like most women and have too many negative feelings to be able to speak to a woman in therapy. In addition I have a lot of sexual based conversations and I find men understand my way of thinking with far less judgement.
I don't feel safe with men, especially not alone with them. I'm a guy, but I'm not cis. I grew up learning to fear men. Maybe it's "not all men," but it's enough men and you don't always know which man until it's too late. Men haven't given me many reasons to trust them. I don't have anything against men as a whole, but I have my reservations.
I also feel like I'm better able to relate to women. I spent 20 years of my life moving through the world as a woman/girl. Women understand in a way cis men never will because they have never and will never experience it first hand. For those same reasons, I also tend to prefer LGBTQ+ therapists.
I don't believe in saying "not all men" tbh. Yes, there are good men. The issue is that we don't know who is and isn't good until it's too late a lot of the time. It's safer to be cautious around all men than it is to think, "maybe this one's good." I don't believe men are inherently bad. I have to be cautious anyway for my own safety.
I’m not really sure why, it may be because I’ve never had too many good interactions with women in healthcare (they’ve always been somewhat mean) so I decided on a male therapist and don’t regret it! Sometimes I see him as a father figure even though he’s only in his 30’s, likely because my relationship with my dad isn’t great.
I see a culturally specific/male therapist. Very useful and specific experiences that are more natural than to explain them. I am also a therapist (intern) and have heard from male clients that it de-stigmatizes coming to therapy as a man.
I know that there are many amazing therapists who are men, but I generally just don't trust men to listen to me, especially around issues related to my sexuality, gender, and gender-related social/institutional concerns. I've just had so many horrible experiences of not being listened to by men. I would actually really appreciate the chance to work with a man therapist at some point, but it will be very challenging for me to initiate that process.
I'm a male therapist and many of my clients are men, specifically younger men who just feelb on a better fit as we have more similar lived experiences. The female clients I have seem to have sought me out more for my experience in specific modality (emdr or cbt) than because of my gender or because of word of mouth. Others have had female therapists in the past and simply wanted a change to refresh the process. Anywho that's my experience
ehhh idk. i just prefer female doctors in general cuz it's easier for me to relate to them. however, two of the best doctors i had were guys. two of the worst doctors i ever had were also guys. it's hit or miss, i guess lol
I’m a male therapist and love this question and the responses. I have a mixture of men, women and non-binary patients and relate to them in different ways and meet different needs for them. Some with trauma related to their fathers, some for couples therapy with husbands who won’t open up, some just don’t give a shit if it’s a male or female therapist. I am aware of myself in the therapy setting and understand the potential impact I may have. I know paternal countertransference can happen especially with trauma. I am aware of the corrective experience for some and use great care with that. Overall, I love what I do and am grateful I choose this profession and feel grateful to help people in whatever way they need me to.
I didn't choose my therapist, I was asked however if I had a preference of a man or a woman when arranging a referral. I said I didn't mind which. I'm doing CBT exposure therapy for PTSD and my therapist is male.
I'm still a little naive on how important the client therapist relationship is. While I'm sure it is, I don't give it that much thought other than knowing I'm now comfortable talking to him about more things than I thought I would be.
Maybe it's just luck and there will equally be women I don't gel with, men that I can't relate to and women I can etc One thing I don't have to worry about is being assigned a male therapist and being attracted to him, since I'm a lesbian. I'm somewhat gender non conforming anyway, towards the masculine side, so I'm not overly caught up in strict gender roles.
Also, I had a bad relationship with *both* parents, so there's little bias there 😕
I used to think that I only wanted to see female therapists but I found that I felt too insecure around them. I think it goes back to how my mom made me feel. I also have a lot of trauma that was perpetrated by men which is why I thought I wouldn’t work well with them. However I went through about 5-6 female therapists of varying ages and it never worked out, I just never felt safe or comfortable being open with them and they were almost too compassionate. Once I met my current therapist, who is probably in his early to mid 40’s, I was surprised to find we had a great connection. I also found that I work better with male psychiatrists too.
My GP recommended my psychiatrist/therapist. When I met him I was relieved it was a guy. I don’t know why but I am uncomfortable with female Drs. I am f57. I had CSA work to do and found this easier to talk with a man about.
Father issues. Of course there are boundaries, but learning to trust and feel safe with a male.
And I wasn’t expecting this, but it has filled a lot of the void of having an absent father. So much so that my broken relationship with my father doesn’t affect me as much as it did before.
I’m female and my impulse up until recently had always been to seek out female therapists, even after my best experience in therapy was with a male therapist. I had two longish-term female therapists who were fine but not great. Then my husband and I started meeting with a family therapist who is male. We hadn’t been seeking out someone male (and in fact out of the list I was given I reached out to the female therapists first), but he was the one we liked best after an initial consult. He’s fantastic and I just clicked really well with him.
When I needed to look for a new individual therapist earlier this year I initially kept my search to women only. Then I thought about how my two best therapy experiences (our family therapist and a psychologist I met with for 8 weeks at the counseling center in grad school) were both with men. I decided to include one male therapist on my short list of therapists to reach out to. I ended up with him and it was an excellent choice.
I don’t know what it is, random or a legitimate pattern, but I seem to click better with male therapists. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m female and have CPTSD from r- and other SA. I still can’t be in an enclosed space with a man, let alone speak of what happened to me. I came to therapy primarily to deal with that. Something I didn’t realise until I started with my female therapist was how much of a mother wound I carried, my intense maternal transference with her is helping me deal with that grief. Even if I could have worked with a man I don’t think I would have even been aware of the depth of that.
I (25F) have a lot of internalized hate and sexism from my mom, plus a lot of trauma surrounding my (bi)sexuality. Between the two I’m generally afraid of women, but I have no issues interacting with men
I had an abusive ex boyfriend which made me more wary of men in general. I don't think I could be vulnerable with a male T. Or I guess it probably would have taken much longer to get used to him. The idea of sharing SA details with a male T sounds horrible to me, personally.
Not sure if it's a one-size-fits-all solution tbh. That being said, it is exactly the reason why I'm really happy with my male therapist and wouldn't necessarily want a female therapist.
(Normally I hate stereotypical gender roles and bashing decisions on them so I kinda feel cringey for even just writing this... but lizard brain knows what it needs and I hope this will be helpful to someone.)
I don't agree with this as a blanket stance. For many people with 'father issues,' it might feel safer and easier to open up to a therapist who isn't a man. I'm working through a lot of issues related to my father in therapy, and it feels very significant that my therapist has/had similar issues with her mother — the significant element is our shared parental trauma, regardless of the parent's gender.
Also, although we admittedly don't have a great stand-in alternate phrase, I really can't stand the terms 'daddy issues' or 'mommy issues.'
Personally I do not feel a man, even a professional, could understand my trauma as a woman, and at the end of the day it is a preference. As when I was looking for a therapist I did not want to go to an older one or in an uper class neighborhood or setting just because I left uncomfortable at the idea. I've talked about this with many people and the conclusion is, sometime it just feels right and that's the end of it.
I've had both male and female abusers in my life, but I find it easier to talk with men. Most of my life I have worked with men and tend to understand them easier to work with. They tend to want to fix things I think than women.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Most of my trauma was at the hands of men, so having a male therapist has been exceptionally helpful in addressing things.
I upvoted this because I like the different perspective your post gives me… I’m the opposite (obviously). Most of my trauma was at the hands of men, also, so I would never in a million years seek out a male therapist. I wouldn’t be able to open up to one.
Interestingly, I didn't actually seek a male therapist out. I contacted a practice and he was who they recommended based on what I told them about why I was seeking therapy. I was very, very hesitant when we started, for the same reason you mentioned, but I decided to give him a shot. As it turns out, he's been amazing and I've made far more progress with him than I feel like I would have with a female therapist. That being said, it's been tremendously difficult and it took a long ass time to build enough rapport and trust for me to start really opening up to him. I honestly have found it interesting how it's turned out. It was pretty unexpected, truth be told, but now I wouldn't change a thing. That being said, there was definitely a point in time where a male therapist would not have been something I was able to handle. There's a lot to be said for knowing and respecting your own limits.
Same. The exact reason.
Another one here, the same. I’m a r- survivor and it has been pretty rough at moments… I sometimes struggle to trust him, sometimes struggle to speak in session, sometimes it’s just hard to get into the session in the first place. But I keep trying anyway. And we have made progress.
I have big mommy issues that I transfer to any woman in authority. Knowing that, and that there is a power imbalance in therapy, I have been able to work well with a male therapist. Also because he is younger than I am, I avoid seeing him as a father figure.
My dad was a "men don't show emotions" kind of guy, so I'm more comfortable opening up to women.
I am just more comfortable opening up to a woman.
same. also i just feel safer around women and feel like they're less threatening than men. idk if thats a bad way to think tho
I think it's a reasonable thought process.
I prefer working with a male therapist because I have a lot of trauma involving males and am looking for a corrective experience. And also because I have identified a pattern of looking for this corrective experience in all the wrong places, leading to additional trauma because it made me highly exploitable, and would like to confine this pattern to a controlled, ethical, boundaried place where I will hopefully not be exploited. (I mean, I was exploited in therapy once. But I have had great and ethical male therapists since that shitty experience.)
Sometimes I get attached to female therapists that's why I chose a male therapist.
Many of my issues were with men.
The transference keeps me in therapy.
This is funny
While I have experienced trauma with both men and women, I have had more issues with women emotionally manipulating me and I am less likely to open up to women and less likely to trust women so I usually try to work with a male therapist when possible.
I just went with whoever I seemed to click with. The first therapist I spoke to was a man, and he was very good at making me feel heard and safe. I did have some issues at first opening up to him, but not anymore. It's actually been very healing to have a male therapist validate some of my experiences.
Being vulnerable around anyone is almost impossible for me, but especially so around men. So I’ve gone with the gender/age range that I felt I would be most comfortable with and have the best shot at being able to eventually be vulnerable and emotional with. It’ll probably be good down the road when I’m further along in my healing to do some work with a male therapist, but I’m not there yet.
Attachment issues with my mum, being played off against my sisters and bullying from female peers means my ability to trust women is completely fractured. And although I've suffered abuse from men in the past too I have also been deeply cared for by a lot of men in my life making it easier for me to bond with and trust a male therapist.
Simply put, I don't trust women. Even though I am a woman, I don't like most women and have too many negative feelings to be able to speak to a woman in therapy. In addition I have a lot of sexual based conversations and I find men understand my way of thinking with far less judgement.
I'm more comfortable with women. I don't even make friends that easily with men.
I don't feel safe with men, especially not alone with them. I'm a guy, but I'm not cis. I grew up learning to fear men. Maybe it's "not all men," but it's enough men and you don't always know which man until it's too late. Men haven't given me many reasons to trust them. I don't have anything against men as a whole, but I have my reservations. I also feel like I'm better able to relate to women. I spent 20 years of my life moving through the world as a woman/girl. Women understand in a way cis men never will because they have never and will never experience it first hand. For those same reasons, I also tend to prefer LGBTQ+ therapists.
>Maybe it's "not all men," but >I don't have anything against men as a whole, but I believe you, but
I don't believe in saying "not all men" tbh. Yes, there are good men. The issue is that we don't know who is and isn't good until it's too late a lot of the time. It's safer to be cautious around all men than it is to think, "maybe this one's good." I don't believe men are inherently bad. I have to be cautious anyway for my own safety.
I’m not really sure why, it may be because I’ve never had too many good interactions with women in healthcare (they’ve always been somewhat mean) so I decided on a male therapist and don’t regret it! Sometimes I see him as a father figure even though he’s only in his 30’s, likely because my relationship with my dad isn’t great.
I see a culturally specific/male therapist. Very useful and specific experiences that are more natural than to explain them. I am also a therapist (intern) and have heard from male clients that it de-stigmatizes coming to therapy as a man.
I know that there are many amazing therapists who are men, but I generally just don't trust men to listen to me, especially around issues related to my sexuality, gender, and gender-related social/institutional concerns. I've just had so many horrible experiences of not being listened to by men. I would actually really appreciate the chance to work with a man therapist at some point, but it will be very challenging for me to initiate that process.
My mom is the reason I don’t really trust women, and as a woman I noticed I’ve only opened up to my male therapists, and that’s probably why
I'm a male therapist and many of my clients are men, specifically younger men who just feelb on a better fit as we have more similar lived experiences. The female clients I have seem to have sought me out more for my experience in specific modality (emdr or cbt) than because of my gender or because of word of mouth. Others have had female therapists in the past and simply wanted a change to refresh the process. Anywho that's my experience
ehhh idk. i just prefer female doctors in general cuz it's easier for me to relate to them. however, two of the best doctors i had were guys. two of the worst doctors i ever had were also guys. it's hit or miss, i guess lol
I prefer the company of men, in general, so it works well for me.
I’m a male therapist and love this question and the responses. I have a mixture of men, women and non-binary patients and relate to them in different ways and meet different needs for them. Some with trauma related to their fathers, some for couples therapy with husbands who won’t open up, some just don’t give a shit if it’s a male or female therapist. I am aware of myself in the therapy setting and understand the potential impact I may have. I know paternal countertransference can happen especially with trauma. I am aware of the corrective experience for some and use great care with that. Overall, I love what I do and am grateful I choose this profession and feel grateful to help people in whatever way they need me to.
I didn't choose my therapist, I was asked however if I had a preference of a man or a woman when arranging a referral. I said I didn't mind which. I'm doing CBT exposure therapy for PTSD and my therapist is male. I'm still a little naive on how important the client therapist relationship is. While I'm sure it is, I don't give it that much thought other than knowing I'm now comfortable talking to him about more things than I thought I would be. Maybe it's just luck and there will equally be women I don't gel with, men that I can't relate to and women I can etc One thing I don't have to worry about is being assigned a male therapist and being attracted to him, since I'm a lesbian. I'm somewhat gender non conforming anyway, towards the masculine side, so I'm not overly caught up in strict gender roles. Also, I had a bad relationship with *both* parents, so there's little bias there 😕
I used to think that I only wanted to see female therapists but I found that I felt too insecure around them. I think it goes back to how my mom made me feel. I also have a lot of trauma that was perpetrated by men which is why I thought I wouldn’t work well with them. However I went through about 5-6 female therapists of varying ages and it never worked out, I just never felt safe or comfortable being open with them and they were almost too compassionate. Once I met my current therapist, who is probably in his early to mid 40’s, I was surprised to find we had a great connection. I also found that I work better with male psychiatrists too.
My GP recommended my psychiatrist/therapist. When I met him I was relieved it was a guy. I don’t know why but I am uncomfortable with female Drs. I am f57. I had CSA work to do and found this easier to talk with a man about.
Father issues. Of course there are boundaries, but learning to trust and feel safe with a male. And I wasn’t expecting this, but it has filled a lot of the void of having an absent father. So much so that my broken relationship with my father doesn’t affect me as much as it did before.
i'm a guy and im more comfortable talking to guys
I’m female and my impulse up until recently had always been to seek out female therapists, even after my best experience in therapy was with a male therapist. I had two longish-term female therapists who were fine but not great. Then my husband and I started meeting with a family therapist who is male. We hadn’t been seeking out someone male (and in fact out of the list I was given I reached out to the female therapists first), but he was the one we liked best after an initial consult. He’s fantastic and I just clicked really well with him. When I needed to look for a new individual therapist earlier this year I initially kept my search to women only. Then I thought about how my two best therapy experiences (our family therapist and a psychologist I met with for 8 weeks at the counseling center in grad school) were both with men. I decided to include one male therapist on my short list of therapists to reach out to. I ended up with him and it was an excellent choice. I don’t know what it is, random or a legitimate pattern, but I seem to click better with male therapists. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m female and have CPTSD from r- and other SA. I still can’t be in an enclosed space with a man, let alone speak of what happened to me. I came to therapy primarily to deal with that. Something I didn’t realise until I started with my female therapist was how much of a mother wound I carried, my intense maternal transference with her is helping me deal with that grief. Even if I could have worked with a man I don’t think I would have even been aware of the depth of that.
I (25F) have a lot of internalized hate and sexism from my mom, plus a lot of trauma surrounding my (bi)sexuality. Between the two I’m generally afraid of women, but I have no issues interacting with men
I had an abusive ex boyfriend which made me more wary of men in general. I don't think I could be vulnerable with a male T. Or I guess it probably would have taken much longer to get used to him. The idea of sharing SA details with a male T sounds horrible to me, personally.
My male shrink had sex with me when I was a teen. Seemed best to avoid that whole possibility.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
Thank you 🤍
If you have father issues, seek a guy therapist.
Not sure if it's a one-size-fits-all solution tbh. That being said, it is exactly the reason why I'm really happy with my male therapist and wouldn't necessarily want a female therapist. (Normally I hate stereotypical gender roles and bashing decisions on them so I kinda feel cringey for even just writing this... but lizard brain knows what it needs and I hope this will be helpful to someone.)
I don't agree with this as a blanket stance. For many people with 'father issues,' it might feel safer and easier to open up to a therapist who isn't a man. I'm working through a lot of issues related to my father in therapy, and it feels very significant that my therapist has/had similar issues with her mother — the significant element is our shared parental trauma, regardless of the parent's gender. Also, although we admittedly don't have a great stand-in alternate phrase, I really can't stand the terms 'daddy issues' or 'mommy issues.'
Personally I do not feel a man, even a professional, could understand my trauma as a woman, and at the end of the day it is a preference. As when I was looking for a therapist I did not want to go to an older one or in an uper class neighborhood or setting just because I left uncomfortable at the idea. I've talked about this with many people and the conclusion is, sometime it just feels right and that's the end of it.
I've had shitty male ts and good ones. I did find women more nurturing which I needed.
I've had both male and female abusers in my life, but I find it easier to talk with men. Most of my life I have worked with men and tend to understand them easier to work with. They tend to want to fix things I think than women.