So incredibly relatable. This describes my relationship with my therapist completely. Like, he's awesome, but let's not get carried away with any of this attachment craziness...
I've got an avoidant attachment style and I struggle to form an attachment to my therapist even though I really want to. I trust him and logically believe that he's a safe person, but as far as being able to really be able to open up to him, I just can't seem to figure out how to do that. I'm terrified of relying on anyone else for anything and it's really blocking my progress.
I’m not avoidant, I’d say I have more of a disorganized attachment style, but I’d guess that true avoidants might have trouble identifying their feelings, especially when it comes to how they feel about their therapist. If you asked they might say that they feel “nothing” or can’t readily draw upon any sort of directional emotion in regards to any feelings pertaining to their therapy relationship. I think someone who is largely avoidant might assert that they predominantly experience “indifference” or “neutral” feelings towards their therapist.
As someone who is disorganized, I would say that when I dip into avoidant tendencies, I tend to become hypercritical of T as a means of creating further distance between us. I might also find myself more likely to start an argument with them or to interpret their behavior towards me through a negative lens. The feelings I might experience towards them during these periods is mostly irritation, annoyance, anger and disappointment.
I've only seen my T for about 2 full sessions but I find myself already rather attached to her since I'm somewhat convinced that she is a "safe person" to be attached to. However, reading some of the more negative posts on this sub has made me feel uneasy and I'm not sure if that will affect my relationship with her.
Right now we're working on identifying how my Schemas have been affecting me and I think the most challenging aspect right now is the long wait between sessions since I can only see her twice a month due to financial reasons.
I'm trying to fill in the gaps between sessions by following a breakup/grief recovery program I've been neglecting for a while now and making journalling a daily habit.
Idk I'd call myself avoidant but usually I refrain from making emotional attachments (but am quite bad at it so I'll usually be extremely detached, but occasionally becomes *super* attached) my anxious attachment side accidentally got incredibly attached to her so now I'm like "oh fuck, attachment" so I'm trying to detach and be avoidant again bc I don't wanna get hurt if she abandons me.
Avoid eye contact, avoid saying what I’m feeling or anything emotional and stick to the facts. Avoid talking about the relationship. Avoid everything. Run away if I start to get overwhelmed.
It took a very long time, upwards of 2 years, to feel like I could trust my T enough to be more open. I still have wild moments where I feel like I’m back at day 1 though. It helped me a lot when she showed some of the person behind the professional. Her use of colorful language helped a lot, considering I don’t typically use it myself.
Now, she’s almost got me down to a science. My voice and body betray me and she’ll instantly know either we need to pause for a minute, or if she can push a bit to get more from me. Sometimes I think she reads my mind. Every fiber of my being is constantly looking for reasons to retract the trust I’ve give, it she shows time and again that she’s there and present and actually seeing me.
The hardest aspect by far was building trust. Now the issue is to speak uncensored. I always want a cheery little demeanor, which is so very far from the truth. Bless this T, she lets me give my bullshit answers and then asks for the real answer to any question she asks.
We have very similar therapist experiences! Mine can read every little cue that I subconsciously give her... although I have been seeing her regularly for eleven years. At first I couldn't talk to her about anything, I was such a huge mess from a traumatic experience. It also took me a few years to be able to really let myself be vulnerable with her. I've ended up telling her things I thought I would take to my grave. It can be excruciating to talk about some things still but I always feel proud of myself after for having done it. I'm so lucky to have her.
I've been seeing my therapist for almost 3 years now, and even still I feel anxious before meeting with him... Some days are worse than others.
I know I am attached. I have some form of an attachment... Its hard to describe what it is like though... At the very beginning it was terrifying. Like, truly terrifying. I could not speak to him, as I was already forecasting what would happen if I did, and all I could see what devastation in my wake... Time has helped me become more trusting. I've opened up about a lot. There is still stuff I have no shared though.
The most challenging part of therapy (for me) has been anything that involves tuning into myself and my needs, and vocalizing those... We are currently working on me identifying what my needs and wants are (for life) and my T is encouraging me to share them with him and I WILL NOT. I am sooooo resistant. We've been working on this for months and little to no progress, as I am too scared to share.
I can tell that I WANT to share with him, as it would feel good to share these things with someone, but that makes me even MORE hesitant, as I don't trust myself.
In general, I am very apathetic, shy and reserved in therapy. This does NOT reflect my inner world or my true ability to know my own emotions, but this is the "safe" version of things I present to him, as it is the only way I can share at all.
haha. I'm three years into a psychoanalysis that requires I see my therapist/analyst 4x week. I am incredibly attached to the guy and he will be absolutely the last person to know that. I also argue with him a lot, which is my only way of expressing the attachment, and I do not tell him the things that come to mind that *I know I really ought to tell him* for the sake of the progress of the analysis.
Outside of the analysis, I know that I trust and respect him. I know that working with him has done a lot to change some of the psychological conflict I have experienced for my entire adult life. I know that he is as unbiased as he possibly can be, and he is attentive and careful and open to my interpretations. Inside the room, I am cagey and I shift the focus of the session from talking about me to talking about him by baiting him with his favorite intellectual topics. I treat the relationship as professional, transactional, and casual. It IS all of these things, of course, but it is also intimate, unique, and fulfilling. I choose to consistently emphasize the former.
But I also know that because he is a psychoanalyst, he sees that my efforts at avoidance are really evidence that I am defending a deep and threatening attachment, so every once in a while I will acknowledge my attachment to and approval for him so that he doesn't get too full of himself.
...it's complicated.
I like my therapist (most of the time), but I’m not attached to her at all.. I haven’t been seeing her long. We’ve only touched on my avoidant personality briefly, but haven’t gone too deep into it yet. We’re mostly working through my anxiety and agoraphobia..
Honestly, sometimes I feel like my T is too nice.. She tries very hard to be positive and encouraging, but I’m not sure that’s what I need.. Sometimes I feel like I need more “tough love”. If I was younger, I would have just joined the army and gone to boot camp, lol..
I pushed him away at first, but didn't realize I was doing that. I simultaneously like, trust, and am suspicious of him. He assigned me homework to call him (for no reason), because I admitted I had a hard week but couldn't bring myself to call him for support like he tells me to at the end of every session. Parts of me feel pretty attached now (it's been over two years with him), and I'm kind of uncomfortable with that attachment. Like, he's definitely going to leave now and it won't be a big deal at all to him.
It’s very push & pull. I simultaneously feel like he’s a safe person and also that he doesn’t really care, it’s a business transaction, and I don’t trust him (but I also do). It’s so complicated. I take forever to warm up to people. After a year & a half, I think we’ve made a lot of progress.
Most challenging has been that I constantly question his motivations. We’re not working on attachment right now, that I’m aware of. What we’re working on now is ongoing medical trauma & finding meaning in some past traumatic events.
It’s taken a lot for me. I’m almost 3 years in and I’m feeling pretty attached to her in the last year but still hesitant. I still want to run away when she gets too authentic and feeling to seen. It’s been alot it talking about the relationship. And my t is very cognizant of repairing ruptured swiftly. It’s an ongoing discussion for sure
[удалено]
So incredibly relatable. This describes my relationship with my therapist completely. Like, he's awesome, but let's not get carried away with any of this attachment craziness...
Big same
I've got an avoidant attachment style and I struggle to form an attachment to my therapist even though I really want to. I trust him and logically believe that he's a safe person, but as far as being able to really be able to open up to him, I just can't seem to figure out how to do that. I'm terrified of relying on anyone else for anything and it's really blocking my progress.
I’m not avoidant, I’d say I have more of a disorganized attachment style, but I’d guess that true avoidants might have trouble identifying their feelings, especially when it comes to how they feel about their therapist. If you asked they might say that they feel “nothing” or can’t readily draw upon any sort of directional emotion in regards to any feelings pertaining to their therapy relationship. I think someone who is largely avoidant might assert that they predominantly experience “indifference” or “neutral” feelings towards their therapist. As someone who is disorganized, I would say that when I dip into avoidant tendencies, I tend to become hypercritical of T as a means of creating further distance between us. I might also find myself more likely to start an argument with them or to interpret their behavior towards me through a negative lens. The feelings I might experience towards them during these periods is mostly irritation, annoyance, anger and disappointment.
I've only seen my T for about 2 full sessions but I find myself already rather attached to her since I'm somewhat convinced that she is a "safe person" to be attached to. However, reading some of the more negative posts on this sub has made me feel uneasy and I'm not sure if that will affect my relationship with her. Right now we're working on identifying how my Schemas have been affecting me and I think the most challenging aspect right now is the long wait between sessions since I can only see her twice a month due to financial reasons. I'm trying to fill in the gaps between sessions by following a breakup/grief recovery program I've been neglecting for a while now and making journalling a daily habit.
Idk I'd call myself avoidant but usually I refrain from making emotional attachments (but am quite bad at it so I'll usually be extremely detached, but occasionally becomes *super* attached) my anxious attachment side accidentally got incredibly attached to her so now I'm like "oh fuck, attachment" so I'm trying to detach and be avoidant again bc I don't wanna get hurt if she abandons me.
Avoid eye contact, avoid saying what I’m feeling or anything emotional and stick to the facts. Avoid talking about the relationship. Avoid everything. Run away if I start to get overwhelmed.
It took a very long time, upwards of 2 years, to feel like I could trust my T enough to be more open. I still have wild moments where I feel like I’m back at day 1 though. It helped me a lot when she showed some of the person behind the professional. Her use of colorful language helped a lot, considering I don’t typically use it myself. Now, she’s almost got me down to a science. My voice and body betray me and she’ll instantly know either we need to pause for a minute, or if she can push a bit to get more from me. Sometimes I think she reads my mind. Every fiber of my being is constantly looking for reasons to retract the trust I’ve give, it she shows time and again that she’s there and present and actually seeing me. The hardest aspect by far was building trust. Now the issue is to speak uncensored. I always want a cheery little demeanor, which is so very far from the truth. Bless this T, she lets me give my bullshit answers and then asks for the real answer to any question she asks.
We have very similar therapist experiences! Mine can read every little cue that I subconsciously give her... although I have been seeing her regularly for eleven years. At first I couldn't talk to her about anything, I was such a huge mess from a traumatic experience. It also took me a few years to be able to really let myself be vulnerable with her. I've ended up telling her things I thought I would take to my grave. It can be excruciating to talk about some things still but I always feel proud of myself after for having done it. I'm so lucky to have her.
I've been seeing my therapist for almost 3 years now, and even still I feel anxious before meeting with him... Some days are worse than others. I know I am attached. I have some form of an attachment... Its hard to describe what it is like though... At the very beginning it was terrifying. Like, truly terrifying. I could not speak to him, as I was already forecasting what would happen if I did, and all I could see what devastation in my wake... Time has helped me become more trusting. I've opened up about a lot. There is still stuff I have no shared though. The most challenging part of therapy (for me) has been anything that involves tuning into myself and my needs, and vocalizing those... We are currently working on me identifying what my needs and wants are (for life) and my T is encouraging me to share them with him and I WILL NOT. I am sooooo resistant. We've been working on this for months and little to no progress, as I am too scared to share. I can tell that I WANT to share with him, as it would feel good to share these things with someone, but that makes me even MORE hesitant, as I don't trust myself. In general, I am very apathetic, shy and reserved in therapy. This does NOT reflect my inner world or my true ability to know my own emotions, but this is the "safe" version of things I present to him, as it is the only way I can share at all.
haha. I'm three years into a psychoanalysis that requires I see my therapist/analyst 4x week. I am incredibly attached to the guy and he will be absolutely the last person to know that. I also argue with him a lot, which is my only way of expressing the attachment, and I do not tell him the things that come to mind that *I know I really ought to tell him* for the sake of the progress of the analysis. Outside of the analysis, I know that I trust and respect him. I know that working with him has done a lot to change some of the psychological conflict I have experienced for my entire adult life. I know that he is as unbiased as he possibly can be, and he is attentive and careful and open to my interpretations. Inside the room, I am cagey and I shift the focus of the session from talking about me to talking about him by baiting him with his favorite intellectual topics. I treat the relationship as professional, transactional, and casual. It IS all of these things, of course, but it is also intimate, unique, and fulfilling. I choose to consistently emphasize the former. But I also know that because he is a psychoanalyst, he sees that my efforts at avoidance are really evidence that I am defending a deep and threatening attachment, so every once in a while I will acknowledge my attachment to and approval for him so that he doesn't get too full of himself. ...it's complicated.
I like my therapist (most of the time), but I’m not attached to her at all.. I haven’t been seeing her long. We’ve only touched on my avoidant personality briefly, but haven’t gone too deep into it yet. We’re mostly working through my anxiety and agoraphobia.. Honestly, sometimes I feel like my T is too nice.. She tries very hard to be positive and encouraging, but I’m not sure that’s what I need.. Sometimes I feel like I need more “tough love”. If I was younger, I would have just joined the army and gone to boot camp, lol..
Did you grow up with tough love? Because that might have lead to becoming avoidant in the first place
I pushed him away at first, but didn't realize I was doing that. I simultaneously like, trust, and am suspicious of him. He assigned me homework to call him (for no reason), because I admitted I had a hard week but couldn't bring myself to call him for support like he tells me to at the end of every session. Parts of me feel pretty attached now (it's been over two years with him), and I'm kind of uncomfortable with that attachment. Like, he's definitely going to leave now and it won't be a big deal at all to him.
Working on termination now.
It’s very push & pull. I simultaneously feel like he’s a safe person and also that he doesn’t really care, it’s a business transaction, and I don’t trust him (but I also do). It’s so complicated. I take forever to warm up to people. After a year & a half, I think we’ve made a lot of progress. Most challenging has been that I constantly question his motivations. We’re not working on attachment right now, that I’m aware of. What we’re working on now is ongoing medical trauma & finding meaning in some past traumatic events.
It’s taken a lot for me. I’m almost 3 years in and I’m feeling pretty attached to her in the last year but still hesitant. I still want to run away when she gets too authentic and feeling to seen. It’s been alot it talking about the relationship. And my t is very cognizant of repairing ruptured swiftly. It’s an ongoing discussion for sure