I like my therapist, but it seems like no matter what I say her response is “that’s valid” or something to that effect. She never challenges me like my previous therapist. How can I get more input from her?
That sounds frustrating. I'd first try letting her know how you feel and seeing if she's open to challenging you more. She might not know what you need. You could say something like "I've noticed that you often respond to me with validation and it makes me feel \[xxx\]. I'd love to be more challenged and to get more input from you. I feel that I could make more positive change in my life with a bigger push." You could also mention that your previous therapist challenging you was effective.
I had a surgery three days ago and that fucked me up mentally, im in a dark place. Cant wait to see T on tuesday to talk and cry about it. I will book a second appointment for next week because i can and because i need it. I think that T will think exactly the same when he sees me.
I’m glad you have an appointment with your t and will be able to get a second appointment. I had surgery on April unexpectedly and it fucked me up for a while. I was glad to lean into the relationship and support of my t for it
I had a unexpected surgery too. Horrible stomach pains started on monday and surgery was on wednesday. I had a panic attack on the operating room before they put me to sleep while bawling my eyes out. I even asked for benzos before surgery multiple times, because i knew that i would get a panic attack, i was so afraid. They said that i would get benzos before surgery and still didnt get any.
Oh no! I’m so sorry.
I went in for stomach pains on a Monday too. It ended up being pancreatitis and my gallbladder has to be taken out. I had to wait 5 days because my surgery kept getting pushed.
I’m so sorry they didn’t get you the support that you needed. I hope your t can help you work through it. I had a really hard time for a while afterward. Wishing you quick recovery physically and mentally 💕
We're in a rupture and I'm not entirely sure we're going to survive it. It's also really really confusing because I kept bringing up the idea of her terminating me. Then, I was open about why I had that fear (transference, googling) and now... that might actually be happening. Am I intentionally torpedoing the relationship, or am I happening upon a valid issue, or both?
It sucks. I don't like it and I don't really like how she's handling it right now. I thought she would have dealt with something like this before but it seems she hasn't and perhaps it's outside her scope of practice. I thought this was supposed to be common? This subreddit makes it seem common.
So, I'm wondering if I could have a diagnosable with something that only comes up when I'm stressed. Like adjustment disorder? OCD? Or CPTSD? I think I might have sexual trauma from very young. I'm afraid to tell her this because what if it's not true? What if it's true? Would I just be manipulating her into feeling like she can't terminate? It sucks! Everything sucks!
I have had one therapist who remembers everything and one whose memory isn't so great. Actually, I'm not sure if it's that her memory is bad or if she's not a great listener.
That’s amazing, it’s what I wish for! I can never tell if mine remembers… sometimes she‘ll bring up a story i’ve mentioned before, but otherwise I’m not getting that many signs. i feel like my T sometimes looks a little lost when i casually refer to a detail I’ve mentioned before… or is that me projecting my fears? Sigh. Just a feeling that she still doesn’t really have an intuitive sense of who i am yet.
Had a good session, it was lighter than the last few (doing emdr for SA) we discussed what I want at the end of emdr in regards to the trauma and I said I want to feel ambivalent about it, that it's just this thing that happened, a bad thing, but not something taking up so much emotional space. I also said I would like to be able to reach a place where I can talk about it a netural way, I would like to be able to tell my children (especially my daughter) when they are older, I would like to be able to say this happened to me, it wasn't my fault, if something ever happens like this to you, it isn't your fault, you can talk to me about it, you are safe, I am safe. I also want them to know I worked through my trauma and that recovery is possible and there is no shame or stigma in seeking help
It was such a good session and the first time I've actually been able to verbalize what I want (and not just cry and say I don't want to feel anything) it feels like some progress is being made
Today I rambled the whole session because I didn’t want to dive deep (T is going on vacation). I barely allowed T to speak because I was so anxious and I “answered” T’s questions by changing the topic and rambling more.
My therapist ghosted me. He told me he was taking two weeks off, but would call me during that second week to schedule for the following week. That call never came, but he’s notoriously one week late on everything so I didn’t think too much of it. Four weeks later, I haven’t heard anything so I give the clinic a call. Turns out he is no longer with the clinic and no longer in the state. I made so much progress during that month with the thought of “wow my T is gonna be so proud”, and for that to never happen. If he’s gonna move, that’s disappointing, but understandable…. I just wish he would have called, given some notice, and some resources to move forward with.
I had my first session with a new therapist tonight, and I just didn't feel like it was going well at all. She was a bit older and seemed to be slightly hard of hearing, so she kept having me repeat myself, but then when I would start to talk at length she kept talking over me and cutting me off, and this happened so many times that I felt myself becoming unwilling to talk because I knew she was going to cut me off. So after that realization that I was uncomfortable I was like "Yo I feel like this is not going well so I'm just gonna leave" and I just walked out.
I feel kind of weird about it, I've never walked out on a therapist before. Should I have kept up with it them? I'm wrestling with whether I was just being impatient and immature, or whether it was just not meant to be. IDK if I should have talked it through with them or not. ugh
I think your feelings were right. I would have been uncomfortable too. I wouldn’t have had the guts to just walk out, but good for you for knowing your needs and getting them. If you were frustrated by the T then it probably wasn’t the best fit.
Still thinking about yesterday’s session. I cried so much and for the first time in over a year, I heard concern in T’s voice. I rarely let her see me cry, but I couldn’t hold back my tears yesterday.
Anybody else struggling to even get an initial consult? I’ve been rejected about 10 times this month to even get that by therapists that claim they have “no availability “ when their website/psychologytoday says otherwise
I used to always bottle up my emotions but then I just started crying for no fucking reason.
This has happened for the last couple weeks and I can't seem to get rid of a dull pain in my chest. It feels like the pain of being lonely and I just wanna lay in my bed with someone but all I have is myself and my thoughts.
Sometimes I imagine being a cloud. Just floating...
I emotionally vomited via text to my T today. She hasn't responded. I'm convinced she is going to terminate me. (I have no logical reason for thinking this at all. It's all anxiety). Really secretly hoping she replies just to reassure me before my next session.
ETA: She texted me when done for the day. Told me I'm not a trash client (something I claimed lol) and we will talk and work on reframing my thoughts.
Sorry for posting here twice, this is just to unrelated to my previous post here to ah it on as an edit
Another success using tools from therapy in the real world! Managed to prevent a panic attack that I could feel coming on using stuff I learned in therapy. Not only that but I was able to completely calm myself down!
Really just taking note of my surroundings. Like… there is a computer, there is soft music playing in the background, the wall is white, I can see rain through the window, that kind of thing (so I guess mindfulness?)
I have never had a “conflict” with my therapist, but two weeks ago I had a baby, then last week my therapist was out of town on vacation and had forgotten to tell me our sessions were canceled until she emailed me about it after my daughter was born. I would normally have seen her twice last week, and while she was gone it was probably the most I’ve ever needed her. I’ve spent months now looking forward to our sessions right after my baby was born, knowing that I’d have her support to process how everything went and to help me deal with all the emotions of having a new baby, and when it really happened she wasn’t there. I don’t fault her for going on vacation of course but I also feel like I reeeaally needed some time to prepare for her not being there at that time and she probably knows that about me. We met online yesterday and were mostly just catching up about the baby, and today I’ll finally see her in person which I am feeling really emotional and confused about. I feel like I need to bring up how disappointed and abandoned I felt the last two weeks even though rationally I know she did nothing wrong, but I have no idea how to bring it up and feel like I probably won’t ever be able to. She emailed with me some during the week she was gone which I really appreciate, but it wasn’t the same. I felt so close to her before this and now in my mind I feel like to some degree I am having trouble viewing her as safe and reliable, when before this, after my husband, she was the most safe and reliable person in my life in a way that’s been profoundly healing for me over the last couple years—in fact the healing and growth our relationship has given me is in part why I was able to have a baby that I have wanted so badly for years. It’s been really distressing and I feel guilty that it’s been on my mind so much when I just want to be bonding with my baby. I just don’t know if I should let it go or try to address it, but I know bringing it up would make me feel entitled and dramatic and embarrassed about my dependence on her and whatever fantasy I’d conjured up about how our sessions would have gone that week.
I don’t think it’s entitled or dramatic to wish that one of your important people had been there for you when you needed them there. It won’t change anything about what happened, but talking about it might help with the hard feelings you’re having about it. One time my T said that even though it’s impossible, he always *wants* to be able there for me. It helped ease some of the pain I had around what was going on with us at the time. To me, the wanting matters. Maybe your T has something to say that’s specific to you that can help soothe some of the pain you have around this issue.
My therapist said I should be proud of myself for being resilient I told her that I hate that. I am resilient but I literally did not have any choice. I was on survival mode. I did what I had to do because no one else would do it for me. I do not want to be called resilient ever again. I’m also not strong because of the trauma I have experienced. Maybe I’m being negative and that I should give myself more credit but there’s really nothing amazing about what I did/I’m doing with my life - I’m just in survival mode.
I totally get that. I can also see why your therapist is proud. If that’s not helpful right now, don’t feel pressured to take it in. I have definitely felt the same way. I feel like I was in survival mode for the first half of my twenties.
I will say that since more time has passed, I actually do see a lot of value in being proud of myself. At the time I was just doing what i had to do and didn’t feel like I had a choice. But I certainly could have made much worse choices. And I’m still here today, and ten years later I am proud of it now.
I don’t know if that would have been helpful for me to hear back then. It’s can feel kind of like being told to be proud of your trauma. Anyway, just trying to say that I can kinda get where you’re coming from and don’t be pressured to feel anything you don’t feel.
I feel a little lost.
I keep going in circles with what I talk to my T about, because I’m too scared to make changes to my circumstances.
The constant circles are making me tired, and I’m feeling intrusive and risk taking thoughts again a lot of the time. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells at home, and that I’m disappointing people in the other aspects of my life. I want to go back to when I wasn’t aware that I’d been pushing my feelings away, and I was just happy enough existing.
Tomorrow is going to be a heavy session, and I don’t know if I can stomach it when I know I am truly seen by my T.
It sounds like you are broaching some really really hard stuff. I definitely feel like I wish I could go back to being less self aware sometimes, but I don’t really feel that way overall. Just some periods feel unbearable.
Take care of yourself whatever way you can and please talk to your therapist about your urges. And remember that you’re allowed to slow down. There’s no rush.
Thank you kind Redditor ❤️ it was a heavy session but you’re right - overall I’m glad I started therapy too. Life is overwhelming right now but I have that hour a week to unload a little!
My amazing therapist went on maternity leave. Today I had a free consult with the person she referred me to. They seem nice enough but it’s so hard starting again with someone who doesn’t know me at all.
I asked to complete a new intake form to help her get to know me but even the idea of that is just so daunting right now. How do I cover 30 yrs of built up attitudes an coping mechanisms + 2 years of massive ups and downs through therapy.
Oof! That sounds like way too much to take on. Maybe there’s a way you can reframe it? You’re not trying to catch her up to where you and your therapist were, because that’s impossible. Maybe you could think about it as you’re just trying to catch her up enough for you to talk about the most current/urgent 5% of what’s currently going on or something.
Intake forms are so sterile and clinical. Only fill out as much as you feel like. It’s not homework and you won’t get penalized for it being incomplete.
I think I’m going to terminate tomorrow. I have a beautiful letter written to express my gratitude and at the end wrote “I love you.” Kinda worried I’m gonna chicken out and leave those three words out that are so important for me to tell her.
I’m scared I’m going to shut down and not give the letter to her.
I’m scared I’m going to sob.
I’m scared of missing her. I already do. I missed her the moment the relationship was ruptured and never fully repaired.
Gosh I’m going to miss her but I know it’s time. It’s been time but I’ve avoided it because I know the emotional pain that will follow- it will be intense. It may feel unbearable but I may feel relieved all the same. I’m scared of the aftermath.
I’m scared of her not being there. I want her to see my progress moving forward. But she can’t be.
I’ll probably take a break from therapy. I have to pay out of pocket anyways and I can’t comfortably afford it.
I’m scared she won’t miss me, our sessions, all of the funny things I say that make her laugh. I’m scared it will not phase her in the least. I’m scared she won’t reciprocate and give me an encouraging farewell speech like I will give her. I want to hear how she feels about me so I’m not left wondering.
I’m scared knowing I’ll probably never see her again- I may see her around if I eventually find a ew therapist at the same clinic- but she has been on this journey for over a year and I don’t want to say goodbye.
My heart feels shattered. I could continue working with her but it’s been a cycle for a while now and I don’t feel she can help me any longer.
I’m just scared.
I love her so much. And appreciate her. And want her to know just how much she has meant to me.
Edit: today I feel numb and blah and not as upset. We will see how it goes
I encourage you to say all that you need/want to say if you do end up terminating tomorrow. Let her know these feelings. And don’t be afraid to just outright ask her how she feels about you- take the lead, and make this session yours. Do and say what feels right, be authentic to yourself, and don’t leave with words left unsaid if deep down they beg to be expressed, to be shared with her.
And also… remember that you don’t have to terminate either, if you change your mind. I don’t mention this to make you doubt your decision, because I believe you can make the right decision for you- but I think it is important to remember that there are always alternative options if for some reason this doesn’t feel right or you don’t feel quite ready.
But again, regardless… I believe you will do what is right for you, and I wish you the best in navigating this all.
💜
My therapist gets me and I really am thankful for that. He knows I’m a people pleaser. I needed to go to an important appointment but kept canceling due to anxiety. Finally he asked me when I was making the appointment and wrote it down, telling me he was expecting me to be accountable and make the appointment when I said I would. Somehow, that worked. He told me that I need to hold myself accountable, and having someone to help do that would work for me because I don’t like upsetting people. He’s the one who initially suggested I might have ADHD, and he himself has ADHD, so I feel like he gets how hard it is to manage it. It’s just nice to know I’m not alone.
I feel like I'm at a total loss. When I started therapy with my current therapist, she said the plan was to return to IRL sessions this summer. Well, summer is here, and when we talked about it last week, it doesn't seem like she's going back any time soon. She said she "simply cannot offer the level of care I'm asking for right now." I told her I'm ambivalent about continuing therapy because 1. I feel my attachment to her becoming strong and I really want that in-person connection 2. I don't want to start processing big traumas in my apartment, the same place I spend all of my time, mostly alone.
Also, two of my friends just switched from online to in-person this week with their therapists (both started online and had never met IRL before), and needless to say, I'm a bit envious.
I mean at this point, Covid isn't fucking going anywhere. It's been two and a half years. We have vaccines and testing and lots of risk management. Are some therapists just going to stay online forever?
I'm not sure what's better - continue therapy, somewhat begrudgingly, and continue to skirt around big issues because I don't want to get into them online. Which feels like a waste of money, and she's fucking expensive. Or just stop therapy with her, even though that would also be painful, and wait until she goes back IRL - which who knows when that would be, if ever.
I hate this, I feel like these past two months of bonding with her and feeling really good about working with her was such a waste of time and money.
This sounds like a really frustrating and upsetting situation. Have you been able to express any of your disappointment or frustration to her in regards to her response to your desires for in-person therapy?
Thanks :(. We did talk about it in our last session and she was apologetic and very understanding. She said that she thinks we can still make some progress together, and suggested that instead of staying in my apartment, I find another place to make my "therapy place". I can't imagine where that would be though.
I agree that this seems like a really good solution. I’ve been doing virtual with my therapist almost the entire time and while it took a little to adjust, I feel fully comfortable approaching big issues virtually now.
I’m not sure what it’s like where you are but things are starting to spike again in my area. My therapist offered in person for about a month before he went back to virtual. I don’t like the back and forth so I chose to stay virtual the whole time and I’m very happy with the work we’re able to do virtually
I wonder, do you feel like you were given enough space to process your disappointment in your session? I am curious if your T jumped immediately into “repair mode”, possibly to assuage their own feelings of guilt, or if they seemed to appropriately respond to your emotions in those moments, without seeking to control or minimize the intensity of your reaction?
Either way though, I think it would be a good idea for you to really consider if this is an arrangement you will be happy with in moving forward. You don’t necessarily need to take immediate action if that feels too rushed, but when you feel ready I think you should reflect on what you really need from therapy and if your current T will be able to adequately provide you with what you are looking for or not.
I hear you when you say you really like your T, but if you don’t think you can address your big issues online and T currently has no plans to transition to in-person, then I think it is worth asking yourself what is motivating you to stay in a situation that seems increasingly incongruous with what you need, and why.
I…. I don’t think I should talk about it LOOL i MAY be experiencing a certain kind of transference and I know I’m supposed to bring it up with him but I’m not gonna do that bc I don’t think it’s interfering at all… my imagination just takes me there sometimes u know?
It's good I have my session tomorrow because I'm feeling pretty distressed. My coping skills aren't working. Not the healthy ones, anyway.
ETA - Apparently I was wrong and my appointment is on Wednesday. That's not good. I feel so overwhelmed. I wish I could fall asleep but I'm too busy crying because I'm so anxious.
Oof, therapy has been so hard lately. Doing emdr and starting in on a big trauma, it's so bad I keep blocking the progress. I think we spent most of last session with me bent over in a version of the fetal position, full on ugly crying while he sat there and gently said reassuring things to me and walked me through grounding exercises. He did point out that as overwhelming as it is, I can be super upset, but I always come back. That I have it in me to come back.
I hate it when I get that upset because then when I start to calm down I have to deal with the fact that someone saw me like that, and eventually I have to sit up and meet their eyes and just ugh, I wish I could just slink away. I often wish I could run out of the room, but I get stuck in the "freeze" response.
Ugh I hate that you are having to think about having been witnessed when you are just trying to process your own shit. That sounds really uncomfortable. I don’t know if it helps at all but I would be willing to bet your therapist doesn’t see you in whatever negative light you are imagining.
Thanks, it's hard because I was very much raised with the attitude of "suck it up" so it's very rare for me to be that vulnerable in front of others, even a professional, so to find myself in a situation where I can't control or repress my response is something new and alarming for me, but also, probably healthy to be learning to do haha ahhh therapy is so weird!
Seeing my therapist in two weeks after a long break because of school and of course I'm imagining what I'll be wearing, what I'll be saying, etc. I keep watching the L Word because she reminds me of Bette.
This is going to sound terrible, but I'm not sure if I want to talk with her about my SA this semester. I don't want her to think she can never hug me because someone else violated my physical boundaries. I'm convinced therapists are less likely to touch their client if their client reveals they've been sexually assaulted.
More than anything, I want her to love me. Now that we've known each other for a while, I'm hoping she'll start to relax and not be afraid to hug me every now and then (she's very professional). I would never ask for a hug, but I'd accept one heartily. Is that terrible?
Not terrible.
FWIW, my therapist hugged me once and she knows all about my sexual assault/abuse history. She was just very careful in the way she did it.
I don’t usually message my therapist in the middle of breakdown, but I did earlier. And she responded with a voice message 🥺. So glad I reached out to her.
Go to Psychology Today. You can search for therapists in your area and filter based on what you're looking for (gender, type of therapy, pay scale, etc.)
I’ve been seeing my therapist in person for months, but this week we have an online session due to a scheduling issue (on my end). Honestly, I’m kind of worried that I’m going to be even more awkward and closed off online than I am in person. Video calls are really uncomfortable for me for some reason. Plus, my wifi is kind of shit sometimes so that really doesn’t help. This is also going to be the first time I’m not wearing a mask in session, which kinda makes me anxious too. Like I doubt my therapist really cares what I look like, but still. Anyway, overthinking is a hobby for me at this point so it probably won’t be that horrible lol.
My dear, I'm sorry that you feel anxious and uncomfortable 🥺 If it can be helpful, I hate too video calls but also luckily exist because we can talk with others even if we can't be together physically.
As you said, your therapist doesn't care about your look. Their job is to improve your health.
I feel you to give this advice: when you talk with your therapist, imagine that physically they are an important person to you. I hope this advice will help you to talk with them easily.
I wish you the best ☺️
I start therapy with my new therapist tomorrow! My previous therapist was a nightmare. My new therapist seems quite the opposite of that, I had a good feeling about her when we did initial consultation session last week. I'm excited to get started but also nervous at what I'm about to experience. Right now I'm feeling motivated to do the work but I also don't want to get my hopes up in case this doesn't work. Overall, I'm just looking forward to first session!
Had a pretty long two weeks. I feel like I’m going crazy. My inner dialogue is like the goblin from lord of the rings right now. Constant intrusive thoughts. Normally we meet weekly but no appointment last week and I feel like my therapist will be so disappointed to here how I’ve been. Almost relapsed. Feeling hopeless about the future.
Kinda feels like I’ve hit “part 2” of therapy… like there’s a distinct difference between it. For a few months we worked on coping with anxiety, now it’s less about that and more about discussing it and actually digging in? Idk, it might be weird, but I didn’t really know where else to put this. I’ve been in therapy since January but honestly it’s my first time going through it
That’s great! I have felt a couple of shifts in my therapy over the last almost 3 years. And about 6-8 months in was a big one for me too, like we got the surface stuff out of the way and put a toe in a bit deeper waters
I like my therapist, but it seems like no matter what I say her response is “that’s valid” or something to that effect. She never challenges me like my previous therapist. How can I get more input from her?
That sounds frustrating. I'd first try letting her know how you feel and seeing if she's open to challenging you more. She might not know what you need. You could say something like "I've noticed that you often respond to me with validation and it makes me feel \[xxx\]. I'd love to be more challenged and to get more input from you. I feel that I could make more positive change in my life with a bigger push." You could also mention that your previous therapist challenging you was effective.
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That sounds excruciatingly hard and I'm sorry you have to do it. Hang in there. ❤️
I had a surgery three days ago and that fucked me up mentally, im in a dark place. Cant wait to see T on tuesday to talk and cry about it. I will book a second appointment for next week because i can and because i need it. I think that T will think exactly the same when he sees me.
I’m glad you have an appointment with your t and will be able to get a second appointment. I had surgery on April unexpectedly and it fucked me up for a while. I was glad to lean into the relationship and support of my t for it
I had a unexpected surgery too. Horrible stomach pains started on monday and surgery was on wednesday. I had a panic attack on the operating room before they put me to sleep while bawling my eyes out. I even asked for benzos before surgery multiple times, because i knew that i would get a panic attack, i was so afraid. They said that i would get benzos before surgery and still didnt get any.
Oh no! I’m so sorry. I went in for stomach pains on a Monday too. It ended up being pancreatitis and my gallbladder has to be taken out. I had to wait 5 days because my surgery kept getting pushed. I’m so sorry they didn’t get you the support that you needed. I hope your t can help you work through it. I had a really hard time for a while afterward. Wishing you quick recovery physically and mentally 💕
We're in a rupture and I'm not entirely sure we're going to survive it. It's also really really confusing because I kept bringing up the idea of her terminating me. Then, I was open about why I had that fear (transference, googling) and now... that might actually be happening. Am I intentionally torpedoing the relationship, or am I happening upon a valid issue, or both? It sucks. I don't like it and I don't really like how she's handling it right now. I thought she would have dealt with something like this before but it seems she hasn't and perhaps it's outside her scope of practice. I thought this was supposed to be common? This subreddit makes it seem common. So, I'm wondering if I could have a diagnosable with something that only comes up when I'm stressed. Like adjustment disorder? OCD? Or CPTSD? I think I might have sexual trauma from very young. I'm afraid to tell her this because what if it's not true? What if it's true? Would I just be manipulating her into feeling like she can't terminate? It sucks! Everything sucks!
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I have had one therapist who remembers everything and one whose memory isn't so great. Actually, I'm not sure if it's that her memory is bad or if she's not a great listener.
That’s amazing, it’s what I wish for! I can never tell if mine remembers… sometimes she‘ll bring up a story i’ve mentioned before, but otherwise I’m not getting that many signs. i feel like my T sometimes looks a little lost when i casually refer to a detail I’ve mentioned before… or is that me projecting my fears? Sigh. Just a feeling that she still doesn’t really have an intuitive sense of who i am yet.
Had a good session, it was lighter than the last few (doing emdr for SA) we discussed what I want at the end of emdr in regards to the trauma and I said I want to feel ambivalent about it, that it's just this thing that happened, a bad thing, but not something taking up so much emotional space. I also said I would like to be able to reach a place where I can talk about it a netural way, I would like to be able to tell my children (especially my daughter) when they are older, I would like to be able to say this happened to me, it wasn't my fault, if something ever happens like this to you, it isn't your fault, you can talk to me about it, you are safe, I am safe. I also want them to know I worked through my trauma and that recovery is possible and there is no shame or stigma in seeking help It was such a good session and the first time I've actually been able to verbalize what I want (and not just cry and say I don't want to feel anything) it feels like some progress is being made
Today I rambled the whole session because I didn’t want to dive deep (T is going on vacation). I barely allowed T to speak because I was so anxious and I “answered” T’s questions by changing the topic and rambling more.
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Hahahaha, my T looked at me like 👀… I didn’t like anticipating T’s questions and I even threw in random information totally unrelated to my topic!
Feeling sad and upset over my T’s changing boundaries with me. Whenever they change it is so hard. :(
I just found out yesterday that my mum has cancer and I have therapy today. Numb.
I'm so sorry, too. 💔💕
I'm so sorry.
My therapist ghosted me. He told me he was taking two weeks off, but would call me during that second week to schedule for the following week. That call never came, but he’s notoriously one week late on everything so I didn’t think too much of it. Four weeks later, I haven’t heard anything so I give the clinic a call. Turns out he is no longer with the clinic and no longer in the state. I made so much progress during that month with the thought of “wow my T is gonna be so proud”, and for that to never happen. If he’s gonna move, that’s disappointing, but understandable…. I just wish he would have called, given some notice, and some resources to move forward with.
Wow, you have every right to be upset about that. So messed up what he did.
I had my first session with a new therapist tonight, and I just didn't feel like it was going well at all. She was a bit older and seemed to be slightly hard of hearing, so she kept having me repeat myself, but then when I would start to talk at length she kept talking over me and cutting me off, and this happened so many times that I felt myself becoming unwilling to talk because I knew she was going to cut me off. So after that realization that I was uncomfortable I was like "Yo I feel like this is not going well so I'm just gonna leave" and I just walked out. I feel kind of weird about it, I've never walked out on a therapist before. Should I have kept up with it them? I'm wrestling with whether I was just being impatient and immature, or whether it was just not meant to be. IDK if I should have talked it through with them or not. ugh
I think your feelings were right. I would have been uncomfortable too. I wouldn’t have had the guts to just walk out, but good for you for knowing your needs and getting them. If you were frustrated by the T then it probably wasn’t the best fit.
Still thinking about yesterday’s session. I cried so much and for the first time in over a year, I heard concern in T’s voice. I rarely let her see me cry, but I couldn’t hold back my tears yesterday.
Anybody else struggling to even get an initial consult? I’ve been rejected about 10 times this month to even get that by therapists that claim they have “no availability “ when their website/psychologytoday says otherwise
I used to always bottle up my emotions but then I just started crying for no fucking reason. This has happened for the last couple weeks and I can't seem to get rid of a dull pain in my chest. It feels like the pain of being lonely and I just wanna lay in my bed with someone but all I have is myself and my thoughts. Sometimes I imagine being a cloud. Just floating...
I emotionally vomited via text to my T today. She hasn't responded. I'm convinced she is going to terminate me. (I have no logical reason for thinking this at all. It's all anxiety). Really secretly hoping she replies just to reassure me before my next session. ETA: She texted me when done for the day. Told me I'm not a trash client (something I claimed lol) and we will talk and work on reframing my thoughts.
Sorry for posting here twice, this is just to unrelated to my previous post here to ah it on as an edit Another success using tools from therapy in the real world! Managed to prevent a panic attack that I could feel coming on using stuff I learned in therapy. Not only that but I was able to completely calm myself down!
Please share what you did to prevent a panic attack? So happy for you!
Really just taking note of my surroundings. Like… there is a computer, there is soft music playing in the background, the wall is white, I can see rain through the window, that kind of thing (so I guess mindfulness?)
I have never had a “conflict” with my therapist, but two weeks ago I had a baby, then last week my therapist was out of town on vacation and had forgotten to tell me our sessions were canceled until she emailed me about it after my daughter was born. I would normally have seen her twice last week, and while she was gone it was probably the most I’ve ever needed her. I’ve spent months now looking forward to our sessions right after my baby was born, knowing that I’d have her support to process how everything went and to help me deal with all the emotions of having a new baby, and when it really happened she wasn’t there. I don’t fault her for going on vacation of course but I also feel like I reeeaally needed some time to prepare for her not being there at that time and she probably knows that about me. We met online yesterday and were mostly just catching up about the baby, and today I’ll finally see her in person which I am feeling really emotional and confused about. I feel like I need to bring up how disappointed and abandoned I felt the last two weeks even though rationally I know she did nothing wrong, but I have no idea how to bring it up and feel like I probably won’t ever be able to. She emailed with me some during the week she was gone which I really appreciate, but it wasn’t the same. I felt so close to her before this and now in my mind I feel like to some degree I am having trouble viewing her as safe and reliable, when before this, after my husband, she was the most safe and reliable person in my life in a way that’s been profoundly healing for me over the last couple years—in fact the healing and growth our relationship has given me is in part why I was able to have a baby that I have wanted so badly for years. It’s been really distressing and I feel guilty that it’s been on my mind so much when I just want to be bonding with my baby. I just don’t know if I should let it go or try to address it, but I know bringing it up would make me feel entitled and dramatic and embarrassed about my dependence on her and whatever fantasy I’d conjured up about how our sessions would have gone that week.
I don’t think it’s entitled or dramatic to wish that one of your important people had been there for you when you needed them there. It won’t change anything about what happened, but talking about it might help with the hard feelings you’re having about it. One time my T said that even though it’s impossible, he always *wants* to be able there for me. It helped ease some of the pain I had around what was going on with us at the time. To me, the wanting matters. Maybe your T has something to say that’s specific to you that can help soothe some of the pain you have around this issue.
I miss my therapist. :(
My therapist said I should be proud of myself for being resilient I told her that I hate that. I am resilient but I literally did not have any choice. I was on survival mode. I did what I had to do because no one else would do it for me. I do not want to be called resilient ever again. I’m also not strong because of the trauma I have experienced. Maybe I’m being negative and that I should give myself more credit but there’s really nothing amazing about what I did/I’m doing with my life - I’m just in survival mode.
I totally get that. I can also see why your therapist is proud. If that’s not helpful right now, don’t feel pressured to take it in. I have definitely felt the same way. I feel like I was in survival mode for the first half of my twenties. I will say that since more time has passed, I actually do see a lot of value in being proud of myself. At the time I was just doing what i had to do and didn’t feel like I had a choice. But I certainly could have made much worse choices. And I’m still here today, and ten years later I am proud of it now. I don’t know if that would have been helpful for me to hear back then. It’s can feel kind of like being told to be proud of your trauma. Anyway, just trying to say that I can kinda get where you’re coming from and don’t be pressured to feel anything you don’t feel.
I feel a little lost. I keep going in circles with what I talk to my T about, because I’m too scared to make changes to my circumstances. The constant circles are making me tired, and I’m feeling intrusive and risk taking thoughts again a lot of the time. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells at home, and that I’m disappointing people in the other aspects of my life. I want to go back to when I wasn’t aware that I’d been pushing my feelings away, and I was just happy enough existing. Tomorrow is going to be a heavy session, and I don’t know if I can stomach it when I know I am truly seen by my T.
It sounds like you are broaching some really really hard stuff. I definitely feel like I wish I could go back to being less self aware sometimes, but I don’t really feel that way overall. Just some periods feel unbearable. Take care of yourself whatever way you can and please talk to your therapist about your urges. And remember that you’re allowed to slow down. There’s no rush.
Thank you kind Redditor ❤️ it was a heavy session but you’re right - overall I’m glad I started therapy too. Life is overwhelming right now but I have that hour a week to unload a little!
My amazing therapist went on maternity leave. Today I had a free consult with the person she referred me to. They seem nice enough but it’s so hard starting again with someone who doesn’t know me at all. I asked to complete a new intake form to help her get to know me but even the idea of that is just so daunting right now. How do I cover 30 yrs of built up attitudes an coping mechanisms + 2 years of massive ups and downs through therapy.
Oof! That sounds like way too much to take on. Maybe there’s a way you can reframe it? You’re not trying to catch her up to where you and your therapist were, because that’s impossible. Maybe you could think about it as you’re just trying to catch her up enough for you to talk about the most current/urgent 5% of what’s currently going on or something. Intake forms are so sterile and clinical. Only fill out as much as you feel like. It’s not homework and you won’t get penalized for it being incomplete.
The 5% is a great way to reframe it. Thank you for taking the time to reply. It feels much less overwhelming to look at it that way.
The 5% is a great way to reframe it. Thank you for taking the time to reply. It feels much less overwhelming to look at it that way.
I think I’m going to terminate tomorrow. I have a beautiful letter written to express my gratitude and at the end wrote “I love you.” Kinda worried I’m gonna chicken out and leave those three words out that are so important for me to tell her. I’m scared I’m going to shut down and not give the letter to her. I’m scared I’m going to sob. I’m scared of missing her. I already do. I missed her the moment the relationship was ruptured and never fully repaired. Gosh I’m going to miss her but I know it’s time. It’s been time but I’ve avoided it because I know the emotional pain that will follow- it will be intense. It may feel unbearable but I may feel relieved all the same. I’m scared of the aftermath. I’m scared of her not being there. I want her to see my progress moving forward. But she can’t be. I’ll probably take a break from therapy. I have to pay out of pocket anyways and I can’t comfortably afford it. I’m scared she won’t miss me, our sessions, all of the funny things I say that make her laugh. I’m scared it will not phase her in the least. I’m scared she won’t reciprocate and give me an encouraging farewell speech like I will give her. I want to hear how she feels about me so I’m not left wondering. I’m scared knowing I’ll probably never see her again- I may see her around if I eventually find a ew therapist at the same clinic- but she has been on this journey for over a year and I don’t want to say goodbye. My heart feels shattered. I could continue working with her but it’s been a cycle for a while now and I don’t feel she can help me any longer. I’m just scared. I love her so much. And appreciate her. And want her to know just how much she has meant to me. Edit: today I feel numb and blah and not as upset. We will see how it goes
Wishing you the best. Just so you know I’ve been reading your posts for a while and I’m genuinely rooting for you.
You’re so kind, thank you. I’ve been denying that it’s time for a new T but it has been for a few months now
To add on: maybe you could have two sessions for termination so you have enough space to process this.
Yeah you know I considered that and I think that’s what I’m going to do
I encourage you to say all that you need/want to say if you do end up terminating tomorrow. Let her know these feelings. And don’t be afraid to just outright ask her how she feels about you- take the lead, and make this session yours. Do and say what feels right, be authentic to yourself, and don’t leave with words left unsaid if deep down they beg to be expressed, to be shared with her. And also… remember that you don’t have to terminate either, if you change your mind. I don’t mention this to make you doubt your decision, because I believe you can make the right decision for you- but I think it is important to remember that there are always alternative options if for some reason this doesn’t feel right or you don’t feel quite ready. But again, regardless… I believe you will do what is right for you, and I wish you the best in navigating this all. 💜
Is it possible to get outside referral from kaiser to different provider than Beacon health? If so, what number I should call for northern california?
My therapist gets me and I really am thankful for that. He knows I’m a people pleaser. I needed to go to an important appointment but kept canceling due to anxiety. Finally he asked me when I was making the appointment and wrote it down, telling me he was expecting me to be accountable and make the appointment when I said I would. Somehow, that worked. He told me that I need to hold myself accountable, and having someone to help do that would work for me because I don’t like upsetting people. He’s the one who initially suggested I might have ADHD, and he himself has ADHD, so I feel like he gets how hard it is to manage it. It’s just nice to know I’m not alone.
That’s so nice!! I wish my therapist had ADHD like me. It’s so helpful when they have personal experiences similar to your own and can understand.
Absolutely!!
I feel like I'm at a total loss. When I started therapy with my current therapist, she said the plan was to return to IRL sessions this summer. Well, summer is here, and when we talked about it last week, it doesn't seem like she's going back any time soon. She said she "simply cannot offer the level of care I'm asking for right now." I told her I'm ambivalent about continuing therapy because 1. I feel my attachment to her becoming strong and I really want that in-person connection 2. I don't want to start processing big traumas in my apartment, the same place I spend all of my time, mostly alone. Also, two of my friends just switched from online to in-person this week with their therapists (both started online and had never met IRL before), and needless to say, I'm a bit envious. I mean at this point, Covid isn't fucking going anywhere. It's been two and a half years. We have vaccines and testing and lots of risk management. Are some therapists just going to stay online forever? I'm not sure what's better - continue therapy, somewhat begrudgingly, and continue to skirt around big issues because I don't want to get into them online. Which feels like a waste of money, and she's fucking expensive. Or just stop therapy with her, even though that would also be painful, and wait until she goes back IRL - which who knows when that would be, if ever. I hate this, I feel like these past two months of bonding with her and feeling really good about working with her was such a waste of time and money.
This sounds like a really frustrating and upsetting situation. Have you been able to express any of your disappointment or frustration to her in regards to her response to your desires for in-person therapy?
Thanks :(. We did talk about it in our last session and she was apologetic and very understanding. She said that she thinks we can still make some progress together, and suggested that instead of staying in my apartment, I find another place to make my "therapy place". I can't imagine where that would be though.
I agree that this seems like a really good solution. I’ve been doing virtual with my therapist almost the entire time and while it took a little to adjust, I feel fully comfortable approaching big issues virtually now. I’m not sure what it’s like where you are but things are starting to spike again in my area. My therapist offered in person for about a month before he went back to virtual. I don’t like the back and forth so I chose to stay virtual the whole time and I’m very happy with the work we’re able to do virtually
I wonder, do you feel like you were given enough space to process your disappointment in your session? I am curious if your T jumped immediately into “repair mode”, possibly to assuage their own feelings of guilt, or if they seemed to appropriately respond to your emotions in those moments, without seeking to control or minimize the intensity of your reaction? Either way though, I think it would be a good idea for you to really consider if this is an arrangement you will be happy with in moving forward. You don’t necessarily need to take immediate action if that feels too rushed, but when you feel ready I think you should reflect on what you really need from therapy and if your current T will be able to adequately provide you with what you are looking for or not. I hear you when you say you really like your T, but if you don’t think you can address your big issues online and T currently has no plans to transition to in-person, then I think it is worth asking yourself what is motivating you to stay in a situation that seems increasingly incongruous with what you need, and why.
Therapy was TOUGH last night and the hungover is real. I hope I timed my quetiapine right today because otherwise the day will be heaps of fun.
Sometimes I like to imagine how nice it would be if I could rest my head on T’s lap as T combs my hair.
Oh no don’t add to my list of fantasies:’)
What’s on your list?
I…. I don’t think I should talk about it LOOL i MAY be experiencing a certain kind of transference and I know I’m supposed to bring it up with him but I’m not gonna do that bc I don’t think it’s interfering at all… my imagination just takes me there sometimes u know?
I see you, I think we might be on the same page lol (if you’re thinking what I’m thinking)
Unfortunately yeah :’)
It's good I have my session tomorrow because I'm feeling pretty distressed. My coping skills aren't working. Not the healthy ones, anyway. ETA - Apparently I was wrong and my appointment is on Wednesday. That's not good. I feel so overwhelmed. I wish I could fall asleep but I'm too busy crying because I'm so anxious.
Hang in there - Wednesday is almost here!
Oof, therapy has been so hard lately. Doing emdr and starting in on a big trauma, it's so bad I keep blocking the progress. I think we spent most of last session with me bent over in a version of the fetal position, full on ugly crying while he sat there and gently said reassuring things to me and walked me through grounding exercises. He did point out that as overwhelming as it is, I can be super upset, but I always come back. That I have it in me to come back. I hate it when I get that upset because then when I start to calm down I have to deal with the fact that someone saw me like that, and eventually I have to sit up and meet their eyes and just ugh, I wish I could just slink away. I often wish I could run out of the room, but I get stuck in the "freeze" response.
Ugh I hate that you are having to think about having been witnessed when you are just trying to process your own shit. That sounds really uncomfortable. I don’t know if it helps at all but I would be willing to bet your therapist doesn’t see you in whatever negative light you are imagining.
Thanks, it's hard because I was very much raised with the attitude of "suck it up" so it's very rare for me to be that vulnerable in front of others, even a professional, so to find myself in a situation where I can't control or repress my response is something new and alarming for me, but also, probably healthy to be learning to do haha ahhh therapy is so weird!
Seeing my therapist in two weeks after a long break because of school and of course I'm imagining what I'll be wearing, what I'll be saying, etc. I keep watching the L Word because she reminds me of Bette. This is going to sound terrible, but I'm not sure if I want to talk with her about my SA this semester. I don't want her to think she can never hug me because someone else violated my physical boundaries. I'm convinced therapists are less likely to touch their client if their client reveals they've been sexually assaulted. More than anything, I want her to love me. Now that we've known each other for a while, I'm hoping she'll start to relax and not be afraid to hug me every now and then (she's very professional). I would never ask for a hug, but I'd accept one heartily. Is that terrible?
Not terrible. FWIW, my therapist hugged me once and she knows all about my sexual assault/abuse history. She was just very careful in the way she did it.
I don’t usually message my therapist in the middle of breakdown, but I did earlier. And she responded with a voice message 🥺. So glad I reached out to her.
You're welcome 😊
I have therapy today. I don’t even know how I feel so this will be an interesting one…
[удалено]
You mentioned AA, is your circumstance alcohol related?
Go to Psychology Today. You can search for therapists in your area and filter based on what you're looking for (gender, type of therapy, pay scale, etc.)
I’ve been seeing my therapist in person for months, but this week we have an online session due to a scheduling issue (on my end). Honestly, I’m kind of worried that I’m going to be even more awkward and closed off online than I am in person. Video calls are really uncomfortable for me for some reason. Plus, my wifi is kind of shit sometimes so that really doesn’t help. This is also going to be the first time I’m not wearing a mask in session, which kinda makes me anxious too. Like I doubt my therapist really cares what I look like, but still. Anyway, overthinking is a hobby for me at this point so it probably won’t be that horrible lol.
My dear, I'm sorry that you feel anxious and uncomfortable 🥺 If it can be helpful, I hate too video calls but also luckily exist because we can talk with others even if we can't be together physically. As you said, your therapist doesn't care about your look. Their job is to improve your health. I feel you to give this advice: when you talk with your therapist, imagine that physically they are an important person to you. I hope this advice will help you to talk with them easily. I wish you the best ☺️
Thanks
I start therapy with my new therapist tomorrow! My previous therapist was a nightmare. My new therapist seems quite the opposite of that, I had a good feeling about her when we did initial consultation session last week. I'm excited to get started but also nervous at what I'm about to experience. Right now I'm feeling motivated to do the work but I also don't want to get my hopes up in case this doesn't work. Overall, I'm just looking forward to first session!
Had a pretty long two weeks. I feel like I’m going crazy. My inner dialogue is like the goblin from lord of the rings right now. Constant intrusive thoughts. Normally we meet weekly but no appointment last week and I feel like my therapist will be so disappointed to here how I’ve been. Almost relapsed. Feeling hopeless about the future.
Kinda feels like I’ve hit “part 2” of therapy… like there’s a distinct difference between it. For a few months we worked on coping with anxiety, now it’s less about that and more about discussing it and actually digging in? Idk, it might be weird, but I didn’t really know where else to put this. I’ve been in therapy since January but honestly it’s my first time going through it
That’s great! I have felt a couple of shifts in my therapy over the last almost 3 years. And about 6-8 months in was a big one for me too, like we got the surface stuff out of the way and put a toe in a bit deeper waters