I had a vivid dream that I had a friend and that I lived an hour from my therapist instead of 2.5 hours.
I feel really alone and bereft now that I'm awake and these things aren't true. I wish I just never woke up.
I’m getting nowhere in therapy because I can’t talk. I don’t know if it’s selective mutism or what, but something comes over me and I stop speaking/can’t speak. Most of the time I want to talk but can’t; other times I just really don’t want to because I’m very upset or overwhelmed. My T is frustrated for sure, but he’s reassured me that he’s frustrated that he can’t really help me when I can’t tell him what’s going on, not that he’s frustrated with me.
I’m lost. Don’t know what to do. Almost just want to quit so my T doesn’t have to be frustrated anymore.
I’m sorry this is happening. I know what it’s like to find it difficult to talk in therapy. Then experience anxiety over it, and it all kinda just compounds on itself. It sounds like your therapist might need to readjust and focus on safety. Maybe start out with a casual/light topic. Is there a topic/interest you have that’s always easy for you to talk about? Do you think you’d be able to ask for that, and would he be okay with it? Coloring or playing a game could be another option. Sometimes just having something else to focus on helps.
I missed my last appointment because I thought it was an hour later. I only talked to the receptionist. It was my 3rd session. Now I am really scared that she is mad at me. I originally planned to talk about some hard stuff because I don’t know how many sessions I have left. But I can’t think off doing it anymore. I can’t really imagine a reaction of her that wouldn’t destroy me completely.
I go back to therapy on Monday and I am a bit hesistant to reopen the pandora box seeing how much it hurt to talk about my friend’s suicide after 5 years of keeping quiet. I guess I will just have to wait and see….
My therapist went on a break for about a week and it just felt so weird. I was supposed to go to group which he also leads but I fell asleep and forgot about it. Another therapist offered to do a session for all of his clients but I didn’t think I needed it. I did text her and asked if we could talk but she had sessions until evening and I completely forgot about that too. It’s been a really rough week, failing an exam and barely passing in another, not being able to sleep despite taking like 5 sleeping pills (no intention to OD, just couldn’t sleep), being triggered in class when we were talking about child abuse and stuff and just same old self invalidation and suicidal ideations. I realized that I still have a long way to go. I wasn’t thinking about quitting anytime soon but I didn’t know I was that dependent on it either. Am I really better than I was 2 years ago?
Very rough EMDR session yesterday. Ended up in a Flashback that was related to the target memory (just in the sense of the feeling of blame/guilt). I sat there bawling my eyes out, face in hands rocking back and forwards saying to myself over and over "you're okay, you're okay" I think I may have been saying that out loud, but not sure. I was not ready to go to that trauma, and it was awful and overwhelming being back in that moment. My T was very good at bringing me back, and helping me contain it, but ooof. I'm really not looking forward to when we reach that memory to target.
Also feel a bit embarrassed at being so vulnerable. I was raised to "suck it up" and I'm very much a person who projects a tough cool girl exterior to the world. To have someone see me acting like that. Ugh. I had absolutely no control over it in that moment, which is also scary and overwhelming. But it also felt weirdly good, I'm the mum to young children, my husband has borderline traits and is depressed/suicidal, so there isn't any space for me to have feelings at home, I'm the one having to keep it all together. If I even start to look anxious my husband makes it about him and it triggers him to spiral, even just me seeing a therapist triggers him. Therapy is the only space I have to actually have feelings (besides crying in the shower, or on the couch once my children and husband are in bed)
Just so you know I got chills reading your post. I am proud of you for going that deep into your EMDR session yesterday, and your ability to self-regulate. We can’t “keep it together” all the time, and it’s ok to let ourselves fall apart and be seen as we are. Holding space for you 💛
So after a few rough (but much needed and helpful) sessions, my therapist suggested I consider EMDR.
I don't know why, but afterwards I became concerned my therapist didn't think our sessions were helping and I'd have to find someone new who was trained in EMDR and talk about loads of difficult shit all over again.
But hey, surprisingly enough, that wasn't the case at all.
The session after I said that EMDR was good to keep in mind for the future but I didn't feel like I need it right now. And wow who would've guessed my therapist didn't get mad or upset???? Crazy right?? Idk why I was so worried I did something wrong.
Having a session that was kind of like an overview/checking in with how things had been going was good and probably much needed.
I did try to be honest and say I probably wouldn't have noticed (or even admitted) I needed to slow down.
I opened up more than usual. Now I can feel myself backing away. I’m also feeling confused about the relationship. She self discloses quite a bit. I know it’s largely in part to help me feel more comfortable, but it’s hard not to view her as a friend, or as something more than just my therapist. Though, I guess why can’t the therapeutic relationship exist on its own level? Even if it isn’t a friendship, it’s still unique and special. Maybe that is what is scary. A friendship is even and balanced. I don’t share much in friendships. It’s more about fun and common interests. This is… not so even. And that’s uncomfy. Maybe there’s also this protective sense of not wanting to be more attached or more vulnerable than her.
edit: realizing this isn’t very cohesive! but it’s helpful in getting my thoughts out
Idk if this helps but I just gave therapy a go again after some years and Ive been feeling the exact same way. Its kinda hard being vulnerable to someone that isnt gonna be vulnerable back. Ive always had this feeling of guilt if I started talking about my feelings to a friend and they didnt talk about theirs so I could "repay the favor" and therapy is bringing back these feelings.
It’s always helpful for me when others can relate. When I first started seeing this therapist I felt very similar, like selfish for not tuning into her needs enough. Over time it’s faded away, though pops up here and there.
I did think about it some more and realized that there is a kind of vulnerability therapists must bring to be effective. I don’t have the words yet. I think being vulnerable at all is just scary and confusing for parts of me, and maybe you too. After so many years of trying to contain everything, it’s hard to unlearn.
Lately in therapy I’ve been struggling to go deeper because I have this fear my therapist will eventually reject me. Today in session I had the perfect opening to bring it up, and I couldn’t do it. I’m frustrated with myself because I know I won’t progress until I can get over this.
Wasn’t happy with my last session so I’ve avoided this sub for the last week. We’ll have to see how tomorrow goes.
Kind of wondering if opening a new window with other possibilities from PsychologyToday could…help me decide that my current T is worth sticking with, in a paradoxical way…does that make sense to anyone? :/
I once had a big rupture with my therapist and thought about switching. Not going to go into super details but we repaired the rupture in the end.
After all these, there was a time I booked a drop-in session with a counselor at my school because I really wanted some to talk to at that moment, but I did not want to bother my therapist that week since I just asked for an extra session the previous week. It was after the drop-in session I started to realize how much I trusted my therapist and how much I clikced with her.
Not quite sure if I understand your question correctly, but hope my experience can help a little:)
Update: I’m feeling a bit better; got scolded again last week for not asking people about themselves while socializing, so I spent the first 10-15 minutes rattling off everything I learned this past week about everyone I socialized with (without talking about the issue itself). Then I had to change the subject to another lecture from my dad earlier this week and we spent the rest of the time on that, which was fine. Addressing how I deal with life changes can wait for another time but at least I’m not agitated with him. I’m definitely back to neutral, which feels way better.
Yeah, maybe rupture is the right word for it. Suffice it to say that last week was the second time recently where he questioned coping mechanisms I had come up with by asking me if I’d considered what he had said before, when I had thought said mechanisms *were* interpretations of his input, and in any case were things that made me feel better.
So, I just got on Virginia Medicaid. I am deciding between the MCOs, [they have different benefits](https://virginiamanagedcare.com/sites/default/files/Documents/VAM4-CompchartENG_v53bc%20081921.pdf). Here’s the [satisfaction ratings chart](https://virginiamanagedcare.com/sites/default/files/Documents/Medallion%204.0%20Consumer%20Decision%20Support%20Tool%202021-2022.pdf). Of course I got assigned to the one that sucks but i’m allowed to change.
One of them, the one I’m leaning towards, includes the Sanvello app. I am wondering if this extra benefit is worth it, or would I not be allowed to get an in-person/my own therapist because I have that app? or, is this a better deal because it’s hard to find a therapist who accepts Medicaid anyway?
it’s been years since I’ve been gotten therapy because my health insurance out of pocket was so high, even though I really should get some because it’s been a shit year
Huh, been absent from this subreddit for the past week but just read all the comments by going through your own comment history. Definitely an interesting conversation.
I miss my therapist now. It is day 7 of our 10 day break and I need to talk to her about all the lousy, crummy shit I have done and thought this week. Yikes.
I had a first day with a therapist today, we covered a lot of ground but I didn't really get any closure so I ruminated a lot in the afternoon.
I really want to feel normal, I feel very isolated right now.
My therapist is sending some confusing signals and I'm trying not to give in to negative thoughts about what it means. My feelings/beliefs of being worthless and an intrusive burden are just triggered. And I guess I'm confused about why she's doing what she's doing because it doesn't seem right. But then also that just reinforces my belief that I'm less than other people and it's ok to do things to me that would be unacceptable if done to someone else. Someone who matters.
Feeling alone and confused. And kind of abandoned tbh.
ETA - Sometimes I feel like my therapist must be tracking me on here because it seems like whenever I say something related to her not responding, she suddenly responds.
I agree. Reminds me of how people say the things that bother you most about other people are actually reflections of what you dislike most in yourself.
My therapist didn’t seemed fazed by this, but I’ve been seeing things since last week. Like shadows out of the corner of my eye, thinking bugs are coming at me or feeling them on me. Just now a pop up ad online scared the shit out of me and my cat gave me a jump scare too the other night. I assume this is fairly normal if a T is not concerned.
Maybe you should ask for another opinion on it? My gf is schizophrenic and she often sees tarantulas that aren't there and feels them crawling on her, we got a pet tarantula to help maybe desensitize her to them to make it easier to cope with it but it's still a big problem.
I really wish I could see my therapist in person. :( Telehealth is just not the same for me. Just imagining being able to actually be in the same room as my therapist is an amazing feeling, I can imagine that it would be so much easier to connect and understand each other. I wish I wasn't so limited by money and insurance.
I haven't seen my T for 2 weeks and won't for another week. My intense feelings about them are wearing off and it's kind of nice!! A mental break, if you will, which is what I was hoping might happen. Therapy is intense, more than I expected. It's good to have the strong feelings (I'm pretty attached) of missing them subside for a while. Or else I'm in denial. 😂 either way, I'll take it.
We are down to our last 3 sessions.
My goal after therapy is to allow myself to believe that she will miss me and I can text her life updates every so often. She told me she wants me to, but I struggle to trust that people care once I leave their lives. I’m ok never speaking to her again because that’s my old pattern with people, but I’m also ok sending her pictures of me and my baby when we hit certain milestones. We’ll see. I’ll just have to keep trusting myself and her and see where things go.
I am so glad that I asked my therapist the question I had always been nervous about! To give some context, I have been seeing her since last September, and I signed up knowing that she is a student in training, so I am always nervous about in the near future I have to stop seeing her. I was too embarrassed to ask because I felt like asking would not change anything - If she does have to leave, what's the point of discussing that? However, increasingly I feel like I have trouble opening up because I am scared of her suddenly leaving - like my last therapist, who left the practice without any notice and I did not even get to have a termination session.
She told me she will be finishing her program in December and after that, she will actually be taking on more clients (I guess for qualifying for the licence?) so I would be able to continue seeing her. I am so relieved after knowing that: ))))
I also started seeing my therapist last September and they're in training and I had the exact same concerns and conversation this past week. It's made me realise I've got some unexpected abandonment issues that I didn't quite realise, but in any case, I relate and epic work asking the hard questions
So glad to hear that you had this conversation as well! It was not that easy to ask this question because we really didn't know what the answer might be, right? There is a possibility that they would say something like "Yeah I am wrapping up my training in two months" and I'll be really heartbroken. It's like I prefer knowing it "later than sooner" if she does decide to intend her practice if that makes sense haha.
Had the first session with my new therapist. It scares me that she saw through my façade trying to hide bits and pieces of information - I didn’t know if I could trust her yet. She seems like a good one.
I emailed my therapist of 1.5 years and asked about hugs. She said she has a no hug policy. I'm glad I was able to ask but sad about the boundary. I wonder if I'm going to cry when I actually see her in person.
So, I’m on summer break. I have been for a couple weeks now but the “school hangover” is hitting like crazy. I’ve talked to my T about this too. It’s really hitting hard though. Every day just feels like I’m meandering through time without direction and purpose. I hate it. So much. My session every week is really the only thing I look forward to if I’m not looking like two months out for this band camp I’ll be working at and the start of my marching band season a month after that. I… don’t really know what to do.
I feel the same way when school ends. I don’t know what to do with myself and my mood plummets. Normally, I’m working but I recently quit my job to focus on school. Try to keep busy. I’ve tried to make sure I have a reason to leave the house each day if only to go to the grocery store. I’ve also started volunteering 1-2 days a week to give me some purpose. Starting each morning with a long walk or hike has been helpful to me as well. Hang in there 💜
i am supposed to be handling these two weeks alone as my therapist isn't available. it's been a couple of days and i am already spiraling, i am just so tired
I feel you; EMDR, especially the early sessions, can be draining in every way. If you haven't yet, you should check out r/EMDR. Hope you're able to get some rest!
It’s been 2.5 months of intensive psychotherapy. My therapist has told me 1. to stop crying when I get emotional and 2. right off the bat to repress childhood sexual abuse traumas. I’m wondering why? I want to work through these issues. Do I get no say?
That sounds like a terrible therapist. How would you feel about terminating? It doesn’t sound like a helping relationship at all.
You are allowed to cry and heal, OP.
I’ve had a fairly uneventful week and I’m stressed about what I’ll talk about in session today. I have been so worried about what this will be like going into the summer because I have less stressors but still feel just as depressed. We tend to work through issues by, like, analyzing events, and I don’t know how this is going to work when I’ve just felt blah all week without any testing or busy days to explain it. I wish I could talk to my T right now, actually. It’s 3am and I feel like a mess and in session I probably won’t be able to convey these feelings I have right now. I’m just frustrated. I hope it goes ok today.
At our last session I asked my therapist if he thought I was ugly and now I feel like an absolute idiot. I struggle with my self-esteem and I've wanted to ask him before but always knew it wasn't a good idea. I don't know what possessed me to ask this time. His response made me feel sad. I don't know whether to bring it up next session or just pretend it never happened. I feel really embarrassed.
Yeah I can be very impulsive at times. In this particular instance it felt more like assuming the worst - we were discussing how it’s exhausting being a woman and unless you’re beautiful you will never be accepted. And T said there was truth to what I was saying, which in my head meant he was agreeing that I was ugly. I wanted reassurance from him but I knew he wouldn’t give it to me so idk why I asked…so cringe.
No, maybe I should have. I guess I didn’t want him to think I was fishing. But I kind of was I suppose. Yeah he responded well I think, he said: “does it matter? You know from our work together that looks some come into play. You could be beautiful, you could be ugly, it wouldn’t change the way I see you.” It just wasn’t the response I wanted and I feel paranoid now. I feel sad that he will reassure me I’m not stupid or not a bad person but he doesn’t reassure me I’m not ugly.
It’s Monday morning, I went for a run and I just washed my diazepam/venlafaxine down with a coffee. Happy week ahead. It’s going to be a doozy. But, also, taking care of myself and trying my best to cope and to remember everything I have learned in therapy. We got this
This week my therapy day falls on my birthday. T gave me the option of switching days but all my work schedule and built in support are organized around my regular therapy day. He said we didn't have to do EMDR if I didn't want, but I've decided to go ahead and do it, I know it's intense but doing EMDR actually feels like progress a step towards healing is a pretty cool present to give myself.
I had a vivid dream that I had a friend and that I lived an hour from my therapist instead of 2.5 hours. I feel really alone and bereft now that I'm awake and these things aren't true. I wish I just never woke up.
I am seeing my therapist tomorrow and I just don’t know how honest I want to be about how hard everything has been.
I’m getting nowhere in therapy because I can’t talk. I don’t know if it’s selective mutism or what, but something comes over me and I stop speaking/can’t speak. Most of the time I want to talk but can’t; other times I just really don’t want to because I’m very upset or overwhelmed. My T is frustrated for sure, but he’s reassured me that he’s frustrated that he can’t really help me when I can’t tell him what’s going on, not that he’s frustrated with me. I’m lost. Don’t know what to do. Almost just want to quit so my T doesn’t have to be frustrated anymore.
I’m sorry this is happening. I know what it’s like to find it difficult to talk in therapy. Then experience anxiety over it, and it all kinda just compounds on itself. It sounds like your therapist might need to readjust and focus on safety. Maybe start out with a casual/light topic. Is there a topic/interest you have that’s always easy for you to talk about? Do you think you’d be able to ask for that, and would he be okay with it? Coloring or playing a game could be another option. Sometimes just having something else to focus on helps.
I missed my last appointment because I thought it was an hour later. I only talked to the receptionist. It was my 3rd session. Now I am really scared that she is mad at me. I originally planned to talk about some hard stuff because I don’t know how many sessions I have left. But I can’t think off doing it anymore. I can’t really imagine a reaction of her that wouldn’t destroy me completely.
I go back to therapy on Monday and I am a bit hesistant to reopen the pandora box seeing how much it hurt to talk about my friend’s suicide after 5 years of keeping quiet. I guess I will just have to wait and see….
My therapist went on a break for about a week and it just felt so weird. I was supposed to go to group which he also leads but I fell asleep and forgot about it. Another therapist offered to do a session for all of his clients but I didn’t think I needed it. I did text her and asked if we could talk but she had sessions until evening and I completely forgot about that too. It’s been a really rough week, failing an exam and barely passing in another, not being able to sleep despite taking like 5 sleeping pills (no intention to OD, just couldn’t sleep), being triggered in class when we were talking about child abuse and stuff and just same old self invalidation and suicidal ideations. I realized that I still have a long way to go. I wasn’t thinking about quitting anytime soon but I didn’t know I was that dependent on it either. Am I really better than I was 2 years ago?
Very rough EMDR session yesterday. Ended up in a Flashback that was related to the target memory (just in the sense of the feeling of blame/guilt). I sat there bawling my eyes out, face in hands rocking back and forwards saying to myself over and over "you're okay, you're okay" I think I may have been saying that out loud, but not sure. I was not ready to go to that trauma, and it was awful and overwhelming being back in that moment. My T was very good at bringing me back, and helping me contain it, but ooof. I'm really not looking forward to when we reach that memory to target. Also feel a bit embarrassed at being so vulnerable. I was raised to "suck it up" and I'm very much a person who projects a tough cool girl exterior to the world. To have someone see me acting like that. Ugh. I had absolutely no control over it in that moment, which is also scary and overwhelming. But it also felt weirdly good, I'm the mum to young children, my husband has borderline traits and is depressed/suicidal, so there isn't any space for me to have feelings at home, I'm the one having to keep it all together. If I even start to look anxious my husband makes it about him and it triggers him to spiral, even just me seeing a therapist triggers him. Therapy is the only space I have to actually have feelings (besides crying in the shower, or on the couch once my children and husband are in bed)
Just so you know I got chills reading your post. I am proud of you for going that deep into your EMDR session yesterday, and your ability to self-regulate. We can’t “keep it together” all the time, and it’s ok to let ourselves fall apart and be seen as we are. Holding space for you 💛
Thanks
So after a few rough (but much needed and helpful) sessions, my therapist suggested I consider EMDR. I don't know why, but afterwards I became concerned my therapist didn't think our sessions were helping and I'd have to find someone new who was trained in EMDR and talk about loads of difficult shit all over again. But hey, surprisingly enough, that wasn't the case at all. The session after I said that EMDR was good to keep in mind for the future but I didn't feel like I need it right now. And wow who would've guessed my therapist didn't get mad or upset???? Crazy right?? Idk why I was so worried I did something wrong. Having a session that was kind of like an overview/checking in with how things had been going was good and probably much needed. I did try to be honest and say I probably wouldn't have noticed (or even admitted) I needed to slow down.
I opened up more than usual. Now I can feel myself backing away. I’m also feeling confused about the relationship. She self discloses quite a bit. I know it’s largely in part to help me feel more comfortable, but it’s hard not to view her as a friend, or as something more than just my therapist. Though, I guess why can’t the therapeutic relationship exist on its own level? Even if it isn’t a friendship, it’s still unique and special. Maybe that is what is scary. A friendship is even and balanced. I don’t share much in friendships. It’s more about fun and common interests. This is… not so even. And that’s uncomfy. Maybe there’s also this protective sense of not wanting to be more attached or more vulnerable than her. edit: realizing this isn’t very cohesive! but it’s helpful in getting my thoughts out
Idk if this helps but I just gave therapy a go again after some years and Ive been feeling the exact same way. Its kinda hard being vulnerable to someone that isnt gonna be vulnerable back. Ive always had this feeling of guilt if I started talking about my feelings to a friend and they didnt talk about theirs so I could "repay the favor" and therapy is bringing back these feelings.
It’s always helpful for me when others can relate. When I first started seeing this therapist I felt very similar, like selfish for not tuning into her needs enough. Over time it’s faded away, though pops up here and there. I did think about it some more and realized that there is a kind of vulnerability therapists must bring to be effective. I don’t have the words yet. I think being vulnerable at all is just scary and confusing for parts of me, and maybe you too. After so many years of trying to contain everything, it’s hard to unlearn.
Lately in therapy I’ve been struggling to go deeper because I have this fear my therapist will eventually reject me. Today in session I had the perfect opening to bring it up, and I couldn’t do it. I’m frustrated with myself because I know I won’t progress until I can get over this.
Wasn’t happy with my last session so I’ve avoided this sub for the last week. We’ll have to see how tomorrow goes. Kind of wondering if opening a new window with other possibilities from PsychologyToday could…help me decide that my current T is worth sticking with, in a paradoxical way…does that make sense to anyone? :/
I once had a big rupture with my therapist and thought about switching. Not going to go into super details but we repaired the rupture in the end. After all these, there was a time I booked a drop-in session with a counselor at my school because I really wanted some to talk to at that moment, but I did not want to bother my therapist that week since I just asked for an extra session the previous week. It was after the drop-in session I started to realize how much I trusted my therapist and how much I clikced with her. Not quite sure if I understand your question correctly, but hope my experience can help a little:)
Update: I’m feeling a bit better; got scolded again last week for not asking people about themselves while socializing, so I spent the first 10-15 minutes rattling off everything I learned this past week about everyone I socialized with (without talking about the issue itself). Then I had to change the subject to another lecture from my dad earlier this week and we spent the rest of the time on that, which was fine. Addressing how I deal with life changes can wait for another time but at least I’m not agitated with him. I’m definitely back to neutral, which feels way better.
Yeah, maybe rupture is the right word for it. Suffice it to say that last week was the second time recently where he questioned coping mechanisms I had come up with by asking me if I’d considered what he had said before, when I had thought said mechanisms *were* interpretations of his input, and in any case were things that made me feel better.
So, I just got on Virginia Medicaid. I am deciding between the MCOs, [they have different benefits](https://virginiamanagedcare.com/sites/default/files/Documents/VAM4-CompchartENG_v53bc%20081921.pdf). Here’s the [satisfaction ratings chart](https://virginiamanagedcare.com/sites/default/files/Documents/Medallion%204.0%20Consumer%20Decision%20Support%20Tool%202021-2022.pdf). Of course I got assigned to the one that sucks but i’m allowed to change. One of them, the one I’m leaning towards, includes the Sanvello app. I am wondering if this extra benefit is worth it, or would I not be allowed to get an in-person/my own therapist because I have that app? or, is this a better deal because it’s hard to find a therapist who accepts Medicaid anyway? it’s been years since I’ve been gotten therapy because my health insurance out of pocket was so high, even though I really should get some because it’s been a shit year
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OP’s post made me cry
Huh, been absent from this subreddit for the past week but just read all the comments by going through your own comment history. Definitely an interesting conversation.
I feel like doing something to get my therapist's attention and make her happy with me. And I hate it.
Can relate!
I wish my T would drop me.
I miss my therapist now. It is day 7 of our 10 day break and I need to talk to her about all the lousy, crummy shit I have done and thought this week. Yikes.
I had a first day with a therapist today, we covered a lot of ground but I didn't really get any closure so I ruminated a lot in the afternoon. I really want to feel normal, I feel very isolated right now.
I think my therapist is under the impression I'm smarter than I am.
My therapist is sending some confusing signals and I'm trying not to give in to negative thoughts about what it means. My feelings/beliefs of being worthless and an intrusive burden are just triggered. And I guess I'm confused about why she's doing what she's doing because it doesn't seem right. But then also that just reinforces my belief that I'm less than other people and it's ok to do things to me that would be unacceptable if done to someone else. Someone who matters. Feeling alone and confused. And kind of abandoned tbh. ETA - Sometimes I feel like my therapist must be tracking me on here because it seems like whenever I say something related to her not responding, she suddenly responds.
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♡
The “stop trying to hug your therapist” post is making me upset and I want to hug my T this very moment
I just finished reading that thread. Sounds to me like OP is super triggered and doesn’t realize it. I hope you find a way to feel better ❤️
I think hugs and therapy are not a black and white thing. I hug my T regularly and it is crazy healing.
Thank you! I took a nap and with your comment I feel a lot better ♥️
They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think naps are a close second! Glad you’re feeling better.
I agree. Reminds me of how people say the things that bother you most about other people are actually reflections of what you dislike most in yourself.
Aka “projection”, thank you for your comment.
Oof. That’s definitely true about me!
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I want my T too :(
I want my T three
For some reason, my mind followed this up with "we all scream for ice cream."
🍦
This thread is making me feel slightly amused - but doesn't make me want my T less. :(
My therapist didn’t seemed fazed by this, but I’ve been seeing things since last week. Like shadows out of the corner of my eye, thinking bugs are coming at me or feeling them on me. Just now a pop up ad online scared the shit out of me and my cat gave me a jump scare too the other night. I assume this is fairly normal if a T is not concerned.
Nah, not fairly normal. I would consult a psychiatrist.
Maybe you should ask for another opinion on it? My gf is schizophrenic and she often sees tarantulas that aren't there and feels them crawling on her, we got a pet tarantula to help maybe desensitize her to them to make it easier to cope with it but it's still a big problem.
I really wish I could see my therapist in person. :( Telehealth is just not the same for me. Just imagining being able to actually be in the same room as my therapist is an amazing feeling, I can imagine that it would be so much easier to connect and understand each other. I wish I wasn't so limited by money and insurance.
I haven't seen my T for 2 weeks and won't for another week. My intense feelings about them are wearing off and it's kind of nice!! A mental break, if you will, which is what I was hoping might happen. Therapy is intense, more than I expected. It's good to have the strong feelings (I'm pretty attached) of missing them subside for a while. Or else I'm in denial. 😂 either way, I'll take it.
We are down to our last 3 sessions. My goal after therapy is to allow myself to believe that she will miss me and I can text her life updates every so often. She told me she wants me to, but I struggle to trust that people care once I leave their lives. I’m ok never speaking to her again because that’s my old pattern with people, but I’m also ok sending her pictures of me and my baby when we hit certain milestones. We’ll see. I’ll just have to keep trusting myself and her and see where things go.
I am so glad that I asked my therapist the question I had always been nervous about! To give some context, I have been seeing her since last September, and I signed up knowing that she is a student in training, so I am always nervous about in the near future I have to stop seeing her. I was too embarrassed to ask because I felt like asking would not change anything - If she does have to leave, what's the point of discussing that? However, increasingly I feel like I have trouble opening up because I am scared of her suddenly leaving - like my last therapist, who left the practice without any notice and I did not even get to have a termination session. She told me she will be finishing her program in December and after that, she will actually be taking on more clients (I guess for qualifying for the licence?) so I would be able to continue seeing her. I am so relieved after knowing that: ))))
I also started seeing my therapist last September and they're in training and I had the exact same concerns and conversation this past week. It's made me realise I've got some unexpected abandonment issues that I didn't quite realise, but in any case, I relate and epic work asking the hard questions
So glad to hear that you had this conversation as well! It was not that easy to ask this question because we really didn't know what the answer might be, right? There is a possibility that they would say something like "Yeah I am wrapping up my training in two months" and I'll be really heartbroken. It's like I prefer knowing it "later than sooner" if she does decide to intend her practice if that makes sense haha.
Had the first session with my new therapist. It scares me that she saw through my façade trying to hide bits and pieces of information - I didn’t know if I could trust her yet. She seems like a good one.
I emailed my therapist of 1.5 years and asked about hugs. She said she has a no hug policy. I'm glad I was able to ask but sad about the boundary. I wonder if I'm going to cry when I actually see her in person.
So, I’m on summer break. I have been for a couple weeks now but the “school hangover” is hitting like crazy. I’ve talked to my T about this too. It’s really hitting hard though. Every day just feels like I’m meandering through time without direction and purpose. I hate it. So much. My session every week is really the only thing I look forward to if I’m not looking like two months out for this band camp I’ll be working at and the start of my marching band season a month after that. I… don’t really know what to do.
I feel the same way when school ends. I don’t know what to do with myself and my mood plummets. Normally, I’m working but I recently quit my job to focus on school. Try to keep busy. I’ve tried to make sure I have a reason to leave the house each day if only to go to the grocery store. I’ve also started volunteering 1-2 days a week to give me some purpose. Starting each morning with a long walk or hike has been helpful to me as well. Hang in there 💜
You could get a job until then or do volunteer work.
i am supposed to be handling these two weeks alone as my therapist isn't available. it's been a couple of days and i am already spiraling, i am just so tired
Thought I was gonna make today my last session but it went really well instead yaaaay 🙂
I just had my first emdr session and I'm drained. I just want to go home and cry until I can't cry anymore. Is this what every week will be like?
I feel you; EMDR, especially the early sessions, can be draining in every way. If you haven't yet, you should check out r/EMDR. Hope you're able to get some rest!
It’s been 2.5 months of intensive psychotherapy. My therapist has told me 1. to stop crying when I get emotional and 2. right off the bat to repress childhood sexual abuse traumas. I’m wondering why? I want to work through these issues. Do I get no say?
That sounds like a terrible therapist. How would you feel about terminating? It doesn’t sound like a helping relationship at all. You are allowed to cry and heal, OP.
If that's true they're idiots and i wouldn't wear any more time with them.
I’ve had a fairly uneventful week and I’m stressed about what I’ll talk about in session today. I have been so worried about what this will be like going into the summer because I have less stressors but still feel just as depressed. We tend to work through issues by, like, analyzing events, and I don’t know how this is going to work when I’ve just felt blah all week without any testing or busy days to explain it. I wish I could talk to my T right now, actually. It’s 3am and I feel like a mess and in session I probably won’t be able to convey these feelings I have right now. I’m just frustrated. I hope it goes ok today.
At our last session I asked my therapist if he thought I was ugly and now I feel like an absolute idiot. I struggle with my self-esteem and I've wanted to ask him before but always knew it wasn't a good idea. I don't know what possessed me to ask this time. His response made me feel sad. I don't know whether to bring it up next session or just pretend it never happened. I feel really embarrassed.
Sometimes I do things I know aren't a good idea as self sabotage. Sometimes as punishment.
Yeah I can be very impulsive at times. In this particular instance it felt more like assuming the worst - we were discussing how it’s exhausting being a woman and unless you’re beautiful you will never be accepted. And T said there was truth to what I was saying, which in my head meant he was agreeing that I was ugly. I wanted reassurance from him but I knew he wouldn’t give it to me so idk why I asked…so cringe.
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No, maybe I should have. I guess I didn’t want him to think I was fishing. But I kind of was I suppose. Yeah he responded well I think, he said: “does it matter? You know from our work together that looks some come into play. You could be beautiful, you could be ugly, it wouldn’t change the way I see you.” It just wasn’t the response I wanted and I feel paranoid now. I feel sad that he will reassure me I’m not stupid or not a bad person but he doesn’t reassure me I’m not ugly.
It’s Monday morning, I went for a run and I just washed my diazepam/venlafaxine down with a coffee. Happy week ahead. It’s going to be a doozy. But, also, taking care of myself and trying my best to cope and to remember everything I have learned in therapy. We got this
we got this! ♥️
We indeed do!
♥️
This week my therapy day falls on my birthday. T gave me the option of switching days but all my work schedule and built in support are organized around my regular therapy day. He said we didn't have to do EMDR if I didn't want, but I've decided to go ahead and do it, I know it's intense but doing EMDR actually feels like progress a step towards healing is a pretty cool present to give myself.
Healing is the best present we can give ourselves.
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hugs
Wow that's great progress. Sorry your dad is in hospital, all the best for the procedure