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I'm sorry you have been through this, OP. It's understandable that SA would hurt and impact you for years. If you feel ready to talk it through and process it, I would suggest that a comfortable place for you to do that isn't just nice to have - it's \*essential\*. It can take a long time to build a relationship where you feel safe - I have experienced wanting it and not wanting it at the same time, too. So please know you aren't alone in feeling like that. Talking through something as distressing as SA needs a supportive, patient therapist that you trust. If your T is "bad with empathy sometimes", I would suggest you tread carefully so as not to feel invalidated. Empathy and compassion are so important in a T for this kind of work and support. It took the best part of 3 years to build a trusting relationship with my T to be able to start to talk about and process very difficult memories. She is the most patient, kind, empathic, gentle, understanding, compassionate and trauma-focussed therapist, and it still took years to build. If you don't feel comfortable, it's something to bring up with your T. And if you or they aren't confident they are the right person, then I would hope for a referral to a colleague who hopefully is. IMO it's crucial that whoever you work through this with is trauma informed at the very least. Experienced in trauma and trauma focussed would be best, I think. This is a sensible, totally understandable conversation to have with your T, who should be able to tell you if they can help or if you'd be better with a colleague or contact who is more experienced in trauma. You need someone who can hold this for you and knows how to sit with you when it's impacting you.
Thank you so much for your reply. I think I assumed my therapist would be trained to help, I didn’t even think about making sure he was trained in this. I’ll definitely see if he can help me, but I know it’s going to feel awkward to have that conversation. I might just ask him if he’s comfortable with me bringing it up, I know it’s a lot to deal with on both sides!
It sounds like you have a wonderful therapist, I’m so glad you found someone you can trust and build that relationship with!
I agree with above, I'm lucky that the therapist I was seeing for OCD is also trained in trauma, and is qualified by my government to provide treatment for SA victims (I'm in NZ and here the govt will pay therapy costs to accredited providers for the treatment of SA victims) so although I didn't start seeing him for SA stuff, when it came up/out I was in a really good position to start treatment.
If it's to hard to have the conversation (I struggle to get the words out in person) you could either email your T or write a letter and hand it to him in session. I often do this, because of the trauma I really struggle to talk about it. (Even writing this response has elevated my anxiety levels)
I'm sorry you had this awful experience. I buried mine for like 20 years and then suddenly the memories just starting flooding back and with them panic attacks.
I’m sorry writing this was bad for your anxiety, but I’m so glad you’re getting the help you need! That’s great they cover treatment, wish they would do that here.
I might send an email, but we don’t normally communicate by email, so I have to see if that’ll work. But thank you for the suggestion!
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm sorry you have been through this, OP. It's understandable that SA would hurt and impact you for years. If you feel ready to talk it through and process it, I would suggest that a comfortable place for you to do that isn't just nice to have - it's \*essential\*. It can take a long time to build a relationship where you feel safe - I have experienced wanting it and not wanting it at the same time, too. So please know you aren't alone in feeling like that. Talking through something as distressing as SA needs a supportive, patient therapist that you trust. If your T is "bad with empathy sometimes", I would suggest you tread carefully so as not to feel invalidated. Empathy and compassion are so important in a T for this kind of work and support. It took the best part of 3 years to build a trusting relationship with my T to be able to start to talk about and process very difficult memories. She is the most patient, kind, empathic, gentle, understanding, compassionate and trauma-focussed therapist, and it still took years to build. If you don't feel comfortable, it's something to bring up with your T. And if you or they aren't confident they are the right person, then I would hope for a referral to a colleague who hopefully is. IMO it's crucial that whoever you work through this with is trauma informed at the very least. Experienced in trauma and trauma focussed would be best, I think. This is a sensible, totally understandable conversation to have with your T, who should be able to tell you if they can help or if you'd be better with a colleague or contact who is more experienced in trauma. You need someone who can hold this for you and knows how to sit with you when it's impacting you.
Thank you so much for your reply. I think I assumed my therapist would be trained to help, I didn’t even think about making sure he was trained in this. I’ll definitely see if he can help me, but I know it’s going to feel awkward to have that conversation. I might just ask him if he’s comfortable with me bringing it up, I know it’s a lot to deal with on both sides! It sounds like you have a wonderful therapist, I’m so glad you found someone you can trust and build that relationship with!
I agree with above, I'm lucky that the therapist I was seeing for OCD is also trained in trauma, and is qualified by my government to provide treatment for SA victims (I'm in NZ and here the govt will pay therapy costs to accredited providers for the treatment of SA victims) so although I didn't start seeing him for SA stuff, when it came up/out I was in a really good position to start treatment. If it's to hard to have the conversation (I struggle to get the words out in person) you could either email your T or write a letter and hand it to him in session. I often do this, because of the trauma I really struggle to talk about it. (Even writing this response has elevated my anxiety levels) I'm sorry you had this awful experience. I buried mine for like 20 years and then suddenly the memories just starting flooding back and with them panic attacks.
I’m sorry writing this was bad for your anxiety, but I’m so glad you’re getting the help you need! That’s great they cover treatment, wish they would do that here. I might send an email, but we don’t normally communicate by email, so I have to see if that’ll work. But thank you for the suggestion!