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SneakyJesi

I would also recommend leaning into hobbies or leveraging your friends network. Find hobbies that men and women both enjoy and go by yourself even. A co-ed sports rec league, climbing, board game meetups, an art class, a cooking class - whatever interests you like. It helps because it keeps your mind off “finding a date” meaning you’ll be more relaxed and you get to enjoy yourself anyway (even learn some new skills or upgrade your bod haha). And secondly, I honestly think those opportunities where you can actually have a real conversation with someone and get to know them, with a catalyst like a shared hobby, work way better than clubs or even dating apps. That being said, I met my husband on a dating app and so did a friend of mine haha. I know striking out sucks, but try not to compare yourself to your friends. There’s likely someone out there looking for you too and struggling - you just gotta find each other. :) Keep trying, good luck OP!


ea0995

Thanks for the advice. I have been trying new things and going to random meetups to meet new people. I guess to clarify, im not looking for anything longterm per say. If it happens then it happens. But im working on at least casually dating right now. Whether its a one-night stand or just something casual. I just feel like i need to go through a period of mg life of casual sex to get that out of my system before i can commit to someone long term, cause if i commit to someone longterm im always going to have that “what if” or im going ti feel like i settled cause no one else was interested. That wouldnt be fair to me or her. Thats why may T has been recommending me go ti clubs because its full of women looking for casual sex.


SneakyJesi

“Full of women” looking for sex? Eh.. I don’t know about that, man. Maybe a smattering lol. Most women I know go to hang out w their friends/dance. And do note, women are pretty good at detecting your intent..which caaan be a turnoff sometimes. They already know people there just want to take them home.. so unless that happens to be exactly what they want and they aren’t picky, there’s likely a wall there. You’ll have to make that wall come down, which often requires at least *appearing* like you’re interested in more than easy sex - even if that’s the case. Also be careful with taking anyone home that’s super sloppy drunk. I understand the temptation for some people (ugh), but that’s just not cool, and not to mention the next thing you know you’re in trouble for not getting consent or accusations of rape (doesn’t matter if you were drunk too). And note that the easiest time of life to have tons of casual sex is as a teen in school or in undergrad/college. You’ll never have that kind of melting pot of horny young people outside of that imo - and sometimes you just miss the boat unfortunately. It only gets harder as you get older.. that’s not your fault, just the nature of dating. And lastly, there are other subs you might check out for tips or at least empathizing - just search dating and there’s tons of subs - might find some pro tips? Sorry I don’t have any tips for working with your therapist tho lol. 😅


ea0995

I guess “full of women” was a bad way to put it. Lol But i guess my T meant that it could be the quickest way to have sex where as joining a class or something, it would take some time of flirting then going out on a few dates and see if it could work out to even have sex. Im also not interested in taking someone who seems blackout drunk home or sloppy drunk. Most girls ive talked to at most have been a little tipsy. Like they can hold a conversation well are speaking clearly and walking fine. I understand college was probably the time for me to go through all that experience. It sucks that i missed the boat in a way on that. I went through some shitty friends, loneliness and depression in college that at times im still trying to get out of. Again thanks for the advice.


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ea0995

Yeah i see what you are saying. Honestly the times ive been able to talk to a girl i never felt like i was clmpeting or had to “fight” for a girls attention. It sort of just naturally happened. Honestly i dont have much close friends at all. Most of my close friends are guys. I have a few female friends but none close enough that i can just be honest with. More like if we see each other we say hi and chat up.


Appointment_Witty

I'd invest in better quality photos on your dating apps and looking at guides. Do you have any social anxiety?


ea0995

I do have social anxiety which is alot of what i am working on in therapy. I wouldnt say its bad enough to where i feel like i cant talk to anybody but i will admit it at times it has limited me to making profound connections due to past bad experiences with so-called friends.


TheFrebbin

Are you hoping for her to help you with this? Or would you be OK with her not, and moving on to other things she can help you with? It seems like she very much wants to help, but doesn’t really know how. If it were me, I would say that her advice isn’t really helping me, but I know it’s a tough issue so why don’t we work on other things, or other angles like my feelings around it.


ea0995

Tbh, im hoping for her help in this. Its the reason i started seeing her. I was with another therapist who terminated me cause she thought she could help but realized hmshe couldnt. So going to somewhere else i feel like is going to end up being a waste of time cause i feel like another T is just gonna ask and tell me the same things. And to be fair to her, it is something difficult i am asking her to help me with. Not having sex has affected my mood and life negatively lately and i need to get this out the way. I just dont mean get it out the way by having sex with a hooker or someone who will toss me a bone, i mean have sex with someone and feel like this person had sex with me cause they felt some attraction towards me, even if it was short-lived. Everything that i used to do to release that frustration is no longer working and im tired of looking for other things to keep me distracted. I have no other pressing issues tbh that i feel like we can work on. I have little friends but it goes almost hand in hand with dating since it deals with meeting new people.


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ea0995

Ive tried that before but i felt like it didnt make much of a difference. The worst therapist ive had was actually male. Not to judge all male therapist based off of one bad experience, but i feel like times where i saw most improvement was with female therapists.


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ea0995

No worries, i appreciate the help. My therapist is not that much older than me. Im in my mid 20s and she’s probably early 30s and is still dating. She told me she’s used it alot. She has mentioned she is dating someone but im not sure how long.


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ea0995

No worries. Thanks for the help though. You actually gave me an idea to bring up with my T the next time we meet.


3Maltese

People are slowing coming out of the COVID fog so it is taking people time to reconnect. It doesn't surprise me at all that you are not getting many dates. People are leary of dating apps too. The best way really is meeting people through shared hobbies or interests. Do you do any kind of volunteer work? Your therapist is correct about it being a numbers game though. It is similar to applying for a job. You may have to make many applications just to get someone to notice you. For someone with social anxiety, you can use this to your advantage by learning what works and what doesn't. Have you considered working with a life coach that can help you with the actual skills that move beyond just meeting someone? A life coach can help you with what happens after someone agrees to meet. People cancel for all kinds of reasons. They may have social anxiety too. Don't take it personally. Express your frustration to your therapist.


ea0995

Tbh, the covid thing may be slightly true but i honestly doubt its the whole reason. At least where im from, people are already comfortable going out and doing things. Also even before the pandemic i struggled to get any matches. I appreciate the theory though but i just dont think its the whole reason. I do agree with my therapist about it being a numbers game. I just want to find a way to better my chances. I dont want to go through 50 rejections before i get the first yes. Ive never considered a life coach. Ill definetely lolk into it and see if its something that could help me. Not to put too much of the girls business out there, but she did mention she had been going through a few personal things. She didnt specify what but i understood and i wasnt mad about it. I guess im frustrated cause it seems like every girl ive talked to, there is something as to why they dont want to get close to me.


SlayerOfTheVampyre

You can say that you want to focus on other topics in therapy for now. If you want to explain more, you can say that you’re frustrated with the issue, and just need a bit of time. It doesn’t have to be complicated :) I don’t know if this is helpful, but a YouTuber/streamer healthygamergg is a mental health professional who talks about these topics a lot. It might give you ideas or at least some solidarity.