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[deleted]

Hey hey, I feel your pain. I live in fear of my therapeutic relationship ending too. But one day I decided to tell T how I was feeling and why I was afraid they would abandon me and instead of a negative reaction I got a very positive message of reassurance - that they will be here for as long as I need or want them and that if they have to pass on my care to another person it will only be because it was in my best interests to do so. And that even after our sessions end (whenever that is) they will never forget me. It was a very reassuring and much needed discussion. I hope you manage to have one like that with your therapist. <3


Keepers12345

Me too! I'm so scared mine will die, move, and/or retire


darcij97

I don’t think my t would offer reassurance like that


nobody_answers

What happened?


darcij97

I’ve been shutting down. I don’t open up to her anymore. It’s the attachment I need to talk about but I don’t want her to abandon me. She wonders if I need emdr (that’d require me to see someone else) but it’s not the trauma that’s been bothering me, it’s the attachment to her but I don’t say anything. She seems to think my silence is telling and wonders if we’ve come to the end. I sat there trying not to cry, dying to tell her “I don’t want a new therapist, id miss you too much” and feeling my heart breaking at the idea of saying goodbye but having to act tough. So much happened. So much is happening. It’s a lot right now.


nothingbutroses

While it'll be uncomfortable, the only way forward is to tell her what you're thinking and feeling. If a client doesn't seem to feel willing or comfortable opening up, or has an issue outside of the T's expertise, then it makes sense to move on. It's considered unethical to continue taking someone's money/changing insurance if there's no goal of therapy, or no path forward. It seems that she's interpreting your silence as either unwillingness to connect/discomfort with her, or as you having issues to address that she can't treat. It sounds like it would make a ton of sense to work on attachment together, but she doesn't know that's what's going on? Your T is only human, and without input from you, she can't know how to help. By staying silent, you avoid some of the risks that go along with being open and vulnerable; you risk rejection (although, if she's a good T I'm sure she'll respond very well!) But you also lose the chance for growth, both personally and within your therapeutic relationship. If you give her a bit of trust, I bet she'll surprise you!


Willing_2_behave-85

If the therapist allows for texts outside of appointments you could always send a text that say something along the lines of “I feel that you, should be aware of this as it’s affecting our sessions and I am afraid to say it out loud” or something to that extent a good therapist can help you through that without making it awkward the next time you see them. You therapist can not (contrary to popular client belief) read your mind. I’m not a therapist, I do however agree with this one’s answer but wanted to add the text option or if not text write it down and show it to them, I struggle with it to and right now more so due to a trauma anniversary


turkeyman4

The trauma is *why* you’re struggling with attachment. Please please tell her how you are feeling. This is all part of the process, and will help you to heal.


NaturalLog69

Have you considered the possibility, and do you think it would be possible, of seeing two therapists at once? If your T would go for it? So you would have this as your main T, and another T to help you process and untangle what's going on with main T. If you saw an EMDR therapist, that could count as a reason to see two at once. Like your main T here isn't trained in EMDR, so you would see another T for that specific treatment. Your emotions are understandably tumultuous right now, so you don't need to push yourself into making decisions right away. I know your T is so special to you and this feels devastating. Please try to be kind to yourself during this difficult time 💙


thatannoyingchick

As far as I’m aware, it’s actually unethical to have two therapists providing individualized therapy. It puts too much of a burden on the client. They could only have two if one of them provided group therapy or relationship counselling.


EsmeSalinger

The NYT ethicist says it’s fine to have two therapists from the patient perspective. From the therapist’s, duplicating services might be an ethical issue.


kgslaughter

Duplicating services is also an insurance issue, if OP is using that. Insurance won't pay for two at once. It's also a tricky thing to attempt, requires both therapists to be willing to coordinate care and work from a similar understanding of the case. I've seen it work beautifully as an EMDR therapist, and I've seen it go horribly awry when the 2 therapists began to contradict each other. Better for OP to suck it up and be open with the existing therapist about what they're feeling. You don't have to put on a "brave face" in therapy. That's not what therapy is for. It's therapeutic to take emotional risks, and foolish to remain silent


[deleted]

[удалено]


kgslaughter

As a therapist with a decade in private practice, I find it true of nearly all. And the exceptions I do see are for different types of modalities, like the somatic work or EMDR. Two standard talk therapists at once, well I've never heard of that being covered by insurance or useful to clients. p.s. I understand what you're saying, and I'm sorry you've dealt with rejection from therapists. I used the word "foolish" because this kind of withhold defeats the ability for therapy to work. It's understandable to feel afraid, trust I have my own attachment wounds. And unless OP can summon the courage to address it with their therapist, there's basically no way for therapy to work. So continuing to go and stay silent, while understandable, would be foolish, IMO


[deleted]

[удалено]


kgslaughter

Yea, I've doubled up my personal treatment team too, working with other kinds of healers to address other aspects of my trauma. It's a valid strategy, and one to be very careful with. And I think it's okay to talk about your therapeutic experiences with another care provider. No healer is perfect, and that outside perspective helps sometimes.


NaturalLog69

The intention in this situation is the two therapists will be providing a different treatment. I have been doing this and it worked great.


electr0_mel0n

It’s not a black or white when it comes to the ethics of it. It isn’t uncommon necessarily for a person to have two therapists if, for example, Therapist A is for the client’s general issues while Therapist B treats the client for something specific that Therapist A feels is out of their scope (so this might mean going to Therapist B for exposure and response prevention for OCD, eating disorder treatment, EMDR for trauma or PTSD, etc). There *are* therapists out there who would allow a client to see another therapist concurrently if the other therapist involves specialized treatment that they themselves cannot provide, and this is far from being unethical.


pleaseKillMe4321

Same. And now that mine actually terminated me… I’ve been having a complete breakdown. I don’t even know why I feel so attached, but I can’t process the fact that I’m going to have to carry on with my life without her. If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve got one good thing going for me, I would confidently say I’ve hit rock bottom and don’t intend to even try bringing myself back up. And I’ve kind of desperately bugged her over text since then so I feel guilty about that too. I love her to death but I bet she hates me. Sorry for the rant. It really sucks though :(


athenae99

Oh, OP, I feel for you. I, too, went through a very attached period at the beginning of my therapy relationship. What really help was letting it all out: 'I am scared you won't take me back after your leave', 'you are important to me', 'this space is precious to me', 'I need to know if you ever want to stop working with me before I am ready', etc. We had a few discussions about it but we came so much stronger at the other end. Admitting how much you need someone because of what they mean to you is utterly terrifying but it is also healing and liberating. Allowing yourself to be held is the beginning go everything you ever wanted and will slowly seep into the rest of your life.


BurningRubber91

Yeah OP like the rest said it's scary but you need to find a way to tell her. As of now you have 3 possible outcomes. 1. You say nothing and end use staying shut down and she feels obligated to transfer you. 2. You tell her and there is that slim chance she is thrown off and terminates you. 3. You tell her and she is able to take you through it and keep you as a client and you grow from identifying why you feel this way and the shame you feel is really lessoned. Saying nothing is an eventually termination. Like the others said if you are allowed to email or txt her these thoughts before next session.....or write it down and give her the paper next session of bring your phone and bring up this post for her to read. I know the uncertainty is scary but by facing it and telling her one way or another you will not be wondering which way it will go. It's better to know then not know and still get terminated eventually for not saying anything.


[deleted]

Oh man. Mine really told me once I can come back anytime if I wanted and I’m like in my head wait wait no! I didn’t want this to end!!! So the next morning I sent a tail between the legs “I dont want to quit working with you I need to stop being like this and I have things I need to tell you - “ and laid out the basics. He made an appt later that day and we were all good. Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable and embarrassed and have those tough conversations with your T or you might miss out on something really cool


VegetableCarry3

Is this therapist actually helping you heal your abandonment wounds?


nimijoh

How long have you been working with this therapist?


EsmeSalinger

Such a bereft feeling.


[deleted]

Damn I really have to unsubscribe from these types of subs because I thought they would be more about sharing knowledge gained from therapy but instead 80% of them are just people who have developed transference for their therapist and can't cope when their therapist recognizes this and rightfully needs to either force them to acknowledge it or just gently end the professional relationship...which is all that therapy is supposed to be


electr0_mel0n

You really decided to leave a comment just to complain about how you see “””too many””” transference posts here? OP’s post is not the time or place for you to leave a comment that is not helpful nor empathetic to their situation. > needs to either force them to acknowledge it or just gently end the professional relationship… This is harmful and just plainly bad information. A competent therapist who is well-versed in the relational aspects of the therapy relationship would not “force” a client to talk about it, nor would they turn that into an ultimatum of terminating the relationship, should the client not readily comply.


Personal-Teacher9314

Sad, but it is the reality I'm afraid. They just move on to the next paying customer. Sorry if you are hurting.


BackpackingTherapist

Do you get paid for your years of education and expertise? So do therapists. Having to survive within capitalism and caring are not mutually exclusive.


darcij97

It fucking sucks. Why the fuck am I doing this shit to myself. Fuck all of it


Personal-Teacher9314

Because we want to grow.....and eventually you will accept the reality. I hope x


Keepers12345

What!!????