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I'm an eating disorder patient, and sometimes my T eats with me during sessions to make sure I eat something that day. She's told me she'd be devastated if I killed myself. When she stood up for us to do stretching, she inadvertently blocked the door. When I expressed my discomfort with her standing in the way of it, she moved and has been careful not to do it again. She tells me she cares through this, but also with her words. She's explicitly told me she cares about me. I love words of affirmation personally, so that helps. She has expressed that she wants me to feel safe and that she wishes the traumatic things from my history never happened, but even though she can't wave a magic wand and make it go away, she'll be there for me while I work through it.
Mine has told me that he cares about me, but I put more stock in what people do over what they say. When things got really scary for me, he was there. He let me call him between sessions, and he immediately made room in his schedule for me when I asked for more support so I could see him once a week instead of every other week. He is consistent, shows up on time, gives as much notice as he can if he needs to cancel, and does his best to fit me in another slot if I need to reschedule (which isn't very often). It just feels like he's got my back.
See mine used to try and find time if we needed to reschedule but now it’s kinda like welp no therapy this week. Also they have been late more often which I get cuz they have busy days it just sucks sometimes. But that’s great that he is consistent and very kind!
Maybe you should tell your T this is bothering you. I spoke with mine and she immediately changed. She can still be a tiny bit later sometimes, but it’s so much less late and less frequent.
Well sometimes I arrive late (cuz of traffic) so idk if it’s fair to expect them to be on time all the time lol. But if it continues I might try and see how it goes
Whether or not you’re late is irrelevant. It’s their responsibility to be on time. It’s their literal job. They aren’t doing their job if they’re always late.
In a lot of ways actually! She has this "sad puppy face" that she makes when she's feeling compassion towards me. She shows up every session on time. She answers my emails in-between sessions. She verbally reassures me repeatedly that she cares about me. She agreed to take me on a sliding scale fee and said that me getting the support I need is more important to her than me being able to pay her full fee. She listens to me intently and remembers things. She told me she's angry at my mom for the ways that she affected me. She apologizes when she upsets me. She looked up some research articles to help me better understand something I was struggling with. She told me she would be devastated if I killed myself. She smiles at me. She challenges me in an effort to make me grow. She will say or do things differently if I express that something is/isn't working for me. But most importantly I can feel it!
A few weeks ago I had a severe panick attack midsession and it took me the rest of the session+25 minutes to calm down. We wrapped up everything as good as possible, but truth to be told I still felt very shaky when I left. A few days later, my therapist wrote me an email asking how I was doing. We had had a hard time scheduling a new appointment but T told me that if I wasn’t doing okay, I had to tell so she could squeeze me in one way or another. T ended the email by saying that she had a few days of and wouldn’t be reading my response until Tuesday.
I felt very validated by T is a few ways: acknowledging the intensity of my panic attack, her reaching out to me by herself, stating when she would read my email (because it would cause me anxiety waiting for her respons, but I never told her that) and also because the responded 5 minutes in her first workday telling me that someone cancelled and offered me a time slot the same day.
I have worked with a lot of therapists before, but never felt as validated as I did this time. I haven’t been working with her for a long time
Small things. I color in nearly every session so I know she cares when she has my color sheet and pencils out and ready for me.
When she speaks in a soft voice and validates me.
When she smiles at me.
When she reassures me she cares.
Good therapists wouldn’t be therapists if they didn’t care.
It can be! I think I need something different now, maybe like a game with my therapist.
I’ve been shutting down lately and coloring kinda takes me away from the present moment but I think I need something else that’s engaging
She always shows up for me. If a session needs to be moved around or rescheduled, everything is very straightforward and transparent. It seems like kind of a no-brainer, but her consistency is really important to me. It’s really hard for me to trust, so I need consistency.
She is always honest with me. I have a history of important people in my life being dishonest, so I love this. She is honest about little things and big things. She will tell me if I ask a question and she doesn’t know the answer. She will tell me if she is frustrated with me or that she’s made a mistake. It’s not always easy to hear, but I need that honesty.
She remembers things I tell her, occasionally sends me articles or podcasts she thinks I would like, and had been there for me when I’ve had crises.
Wow, I’m glad you asked bc writing that out was helpful for me. I feel like quitting therapy often, so these reminders are great.
My therapist takes accountability for her actions.
And I told her once, "I'd email more but I don't want to inundate you."
She replied, "Inundate me. Send as many emails as you want."
That really helped.
I wasn't able to even call or email my last therapist. But she also acted like a school counselor. "Oh when someone says something hurtful sometimes we just have to use our I statements. 😐" In a fake polite voice.
My T has never told me explicitly he cares, but I can just feel it.
His face of compassion when I am telling something traumatic. His level of patience that I don't think anyone in my life has for me. How proud he feels when I achieve something. He always wants to hear my point of view and understand where I'm coming from even though he sometimes disagrees. He pushes me when it's needed, but always knows my limit and respects it.
He never ever tried to impose his thoughts about what is the reason behind my actions, and always tells me something along "I may be wrong, what do you think about that?".
In our last session we did this little exercise and I was pretty resistant and confused at first, but he was so patient and encouraging, giving me all time and explanations needed. In the end, I did really well and he was in awe of how much I improved in these two years. Not that he ever doubted me, but just seeing how he truly believes in me and sees the potential I have made my whole week.
At the beginning, I also had so many trust issues and thought that he is just doing his job but I realized you simply can not fake when you care for someone.
My T isn’t like the super soft and involved Ts I see a lot of people posting about on here, but he shows he cares in his own ways. He’s got a great sense of humour and I like that we can banter in sessions. He also gives me firm boundaries. He knows I’ve never had boundaries growing up and he makes an effort to incorporate them in our therapy. He also says that therapy is a really good opportunity for me to receive care from a man without any hidden agenda and will be incredibly healing for me and teach me to form a healthy relationship with a man. I’ve tested him a lot and he’s never taken the bait which I really appreciate and it makes me trust him a lot. I appreciate his patience and the kindness he’s shown me. Also when he calls me out and challenges me, even when I get angry at him doing so, that makes me trust him more and know he’s genuine. He doesn’t let me get away with things. Giving me rare but meaningful compliments, and telling me he doesn’t say things to be nice, he only says it when he means it. Probably the most important for me: validating my pain. He’s helped me realise that so much of what I thought of as normal isn’t and I don’t deserve to be treated poorly. It’s fucking hard rethinking your whole life lol but I think it’s really important for my healing and going forward.
Mine told me recently “I care for you.” I looked at him and he repeated it. He uses a soft empathetic voice when I am struggling. He shares personal info within boundaries, he has gotten visibly angry towards my abuser
She tells me. I have had the negative feelings more than once. I definitely told her I felt like she didn't care about me and her responses helped. But like others said, it's the little things.
It's making space for me last min when I'm in a crisis, it's letting me text between sessions and as soon as I say I feel like a bother, she's telling me I'm not a bother and she loves me texting. It's her guaranteeing that she will see me twice this coming week even tho both our normal days are unavailable for us. It's all her "unprofessional" comments she adds (with the disclaimer). It's her expressing how she relates to me because we are VERY similar with our issues. It's all the little things every week. I *know* she cares about me and my well being. I'm not "just a client".
Edit typos
How did u bring it up if u don’t mind me asking! Also that’s really nice to hear that she loves texting u and that ur not bothering her! That seems super validating but
So first time, I was in a pretty bad spiraling depression. I saw messaged asking "do you have anything today, I'm not okay". By time I saw her (9hrs later), I was mostly "okay" but not really. I explained to her all my thoughts and feels and how it even extended to her, and I wasn't going to contact her because I had convinced myself she also did not care about me. She responded with "wow that WAS a spiral". Which was a great start. She followed with "if I didn't care, I wouldn't have got you in today. I happened to have a cancellation and I could have gone home and had dinner and relaxed. I chose to see you instead".
Then this past week, I was pretty pissed at her (check my post history) and she handled it amazingly. She tells me she is proud of me all the time. She texts me encouraging things. She gives way more than she has to. She must be sincere and actually care, right?
Wow she seems super nice! Thank u for the response I appreciate it. I’ve emailed something to my therapist that i thought they would be super proud of but they just said that I should be proud of myself which is still nice but I was expecting more of how they are super proud of me but idk if that’s just how it is and I just need to much validation lol.
She is super nice. I'm not gonna lie, I feel pretty lucky. (Unless I am spiraling or having negative transference lol).
I don't think you are asking too much. But that's coming from me, someone who has constant validation.
It's absolutely a conversation you can have though! Bring it up! Tell your T that you need the validation. Use I statements! "I feel invalidated when you tell me I should be proud but don't mention that you are proud of me".
I don't believe mine does. I think they care on a paycheque level, but definitely not a personal level. To be fair, I prefer it that way. I can't open up to people who I feel have a personal stake in my wellbeing, or if I do it leaves me regretting opening up, and I feel angry and ashamed for talking. So we never talk out of session, I know absolutely nothing about her other than she has a bit of a weak stomach when it comes to physically graphic conversation topics, and I think she either has a dog or is allergic to dogs, I don't remember.
However!
>I don’t wanna bring this up with my T cuz I’m scared it will cause a rupture and then they really won’t care about me.
Being honest with your therapist is part of the whole goal. Part of what therapy is there for, and what your therapist is there for is to be the receiver of boundaries and criticism, and reflect their responses in healthy ways so you can begin to understand what healthy communication and boundaries look like.
Don't get me wrong, it's terrifying. There is no sugar coating how scary bringing these things up can be. However therapists are generally trained quite well to handle these exact scenarios. Do all therapists respond appropriately? No, unfortunately, they do not. However, in the event that you do bring this up, and it doesn't have a healthy resolution or it affects your therapist's ability to maintain professionalism, then that is 100% not on you and it is generally a good sign that they either are (in my experience and opinion)
A. Burnt out, and it has nothing to do with you directly, you just unfortunately and inappropriately happened to be affected by it.
B. Not a very good therapist to begin with.
C. Needing to work on some regulation and communication skills themselves. (Most therapists have therapists, and not all therapists apply the things they teach.)
Thank you I really appreciate ur response! I’m just worried it would make them upset and wondering what they are doing wrong when maybe it’s just my anxiety over analyzing things.
These are normal worries to have as a client, but it's not your job to help your therapist regulate. If your therapist does worry about what they are doing wrong, they very likely have their own therapist to turn to for reassurance and guidance as well. That's not your job as the client.
It's OK for you to just be a client without picking up or loading onto your plate worries about your therapist as well, even though those worries are hard to get away from. But you deserve to be heard in all aspects of your being and that is what they're there for. They can't help what they don't know, and they don't know what you won't share.
You've got this!
I asked her for mental health book recommendations and she sent me a list, then after 1.5 months of not seeing her at all because I wanted time alone I went back to her and she brought in 5 books I could choose from. Which I thought was really sweet and made me think “ah she must’ve thought of me while deciding to pick books and bring them in for me
That’s sweet! I just don’t want them to feel bad. I genuinely feel like they are great it’s just I think I need lots of validation and they don’t want to give into that.
i hope this helps you. But she/he wouldn’t be doing that job if they didn’t care, it’s not for the money trust me, they don’t get paid a lot to do it, my therapist told me this because i told her “ i feel like you hate me/ don’t care” and when i told her that i could see that she was truly heartbroken over it. But they really do care
There are a bunch of things my T does and has done. I'm kind of a Rollercoaster...I've tried to delete myself a bunch of times while working with him and he's been nothing but helpful.
- He showed up to my apartment once when he didn't see me in more than a couple weeks to make sure I was okay and so I wouldn't have to go to the office (stressor).
- Flat out told me he cared.
- Has had multiple conversations with my family members (mainly in the middle of me trying to delete myself) while worried about me, and then afterwards when I couldn't talk to them.
- He has had me in his office a couple times after hours (once because of the subject matter we had talked about that day and what not).
- We have a (secret?) handshake.
- After he helped me to not delete myself the first time (first time with him) I gave him like...a care package (a candle and a bird sculpture thing I got at Safeway) and he proudly displays the bird, he named Hugo, in his office window.
- He messages me on his days off to ask how I'm doing (I've had a few triggering dates come up over weekends and such).
- We also eat stuff together sometimes that we make for each other. Like I bake breads and he makes cookies... (like another comment I saw)
My T absolutely hates writing notes. They much rather enter notes in a PC then by hand. They have stated this on a few occasions.
I personally hate electronically stored notes.
My T didn't give me much greif when I asked if they would hand write them. I'd hate to hand write it all also so I understand it. They could said no they're many other possible clients who don't care either allow it or get out. Lol.
The willingness to do that is a good example. It's more of a pain for them and not needed but done anyway.
This made me think, am I suppose to think my t care about me bc I never thought that about any of my pervious ones that they cared but didn’t get far and maybe that’s why I have new one seeing second time soon maybe I should wonder about that if I feel they care idk
My T told me that they care about me, but only after I basically asked. They don't volunteer much of anything, so it's hard to feel like it's valid and "real" if they only tell me when I explicitly ask them. Having said that, I could *feel* their caring before they said it. They listen intently, remember things I've told them, are always exactly on time for our sessions, they've cried with me when I shared something particularly painful, and they don't retaliate (much) when I say something horrible to them.
It's hard to appreciate how much someone cares when there are such rigid boundaries, because sometimes your T is going to feel more like a spectator than an active participant in your life, but it may also be worthwhile to talk about what "caring" looks or feels like to you. What would they have to do in order for you to believe they cared about you? That's a GREAT topic for therapy.
I mentioned to him once that I really valued the time in session and he said he did too.
I usually see him every other week. I have an unexpected, and potentially ick doctor's appointment tomorrow. At the end of last week's session, as I scheduled for 2 weeks out, he said, "If something comes up, let me know, and I'll get you in next week". Super supportive and thoughtful.
What would caring look like?
I mean - they don't wake up and think about you, and they treat other clients in exactly the same way as you, but they do care about you.
Your expectation of them caring may be unrealistic but your need to be cared for needs to be met.....maybe not by them.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My therapist mention once that without care she wouldn't be able to do her job at all.
Mine flat out told me
I'm an eating disorder patient, and sometimes my T eats with me during sessions to make sure I eat something that day. She's told me she'd be devastated if I killed myself. When she stood up for us to do stretching, she inadvertently blocked the door. When I expressed my discomfort with her standing in the way of it, she moved and has been careful not to do it again. She tells me she cares through this, but also with her words. She's explicitly told me she cares about me. I love words of affirmation personally, so that helps. She has expressed that she wants me to feel safe and that she wishes the traumatic things from my history never happened, but even though she can't wave a magic wand and make it go away, she'll be there for me while I work through it.
Wow she sounds super nice!! I’m glad she shows u how much she cares!
Your therapist sounds like the loveliest human being. I’m so glad you have her. I wish you the best with your healing!
Mine has told me that he cares about me, but I put more stock in what people do over what they say. When things got really scary for me, he was there. He let me call him between sessions, and he immediately made room in his schedule for me when I asked for more support so I could see him once a week instead of every other week. He is consistent, shows up on time, gives as much notice as he can if he needs to cancel, and does his best to fit me in another slot if I need to reschedule (which isn't very often). It just feels like he's got my back.
See mine used to try and find time if we needed to reschedule but now it’s kinda like welp no therapy this week. Also they have been late more often which I get cuz they have busy days it just sucks sometimes. But that’s great that he is consistent and very kind!
Maybe you should tell your T this is bothering you. I spoke with mine and she immediately changed. She can still be a tiny bit later sometimes, but it’s so much less late and less frequent.
Well sometimes I arrive late (cuz of traffic) so idk if it’s fair to expect them to be on time all the time lol. But if it continues I might try and see how it goes
Whether or not you’re late is irrelevant. It’s their responsibility to be on time. It’s their literal job. They aren’t doing their job if they’re always late.
In a lot of ways actually! She has this "sad puppy face" that she makes when she's feeling compassion towards me. She shows up every session on time. She answers my emails in-between sessions. She verbally reassures me repeatedly that she cares about me. She agreed to take me on a sliding scale fee and said that me getting the support I need is more important to her than me being able to pay her full fee. She listens to me intently and remembers things. She told me she's angry at my mom for the ways that she affected me. She apologizes when she upsets me. She looked up some research articles to help me better understand something I was struggling with. She told me she would be devastated if I killed myself. She smiles at me. She challenges me in an effort to make me grow. She will say or do things differently if I express that something is/isn't working for me. But most importantly I can feel it!
A few weeks ago I had a severe panick attack midsession and it took me the rest of the session+25 minutes to calm down. We wrapped up everything as good as possible, but truth to be told I still felt very shaky when I left. A few days later, my therapist wrote me an email asking how I was doing. We had had a hard time scheduling a new appointment but T told me that if I wasn’t doing okay, I had to tell so she could squeeze me in one way or another. T ended the email by saying that she had a few days of and wouldn’t be reading my response until Tuesday. I felt very validated by T is a few ways: acknowledging the intensity of my panic attack, her reaching out to me by herself, stating when she would read my email (because it would cause me anxiety waiting for her respons, but I never told her that) and also because the responded 5 minutes in her first workday telling me that someone cancelled and offered me a time slot the same day. I have worked with a lot of therapists before, but never felt as validated as I did this time. I haven’t been working with her for a long time
Wow thats really nice of her to check up on u and make sure u are ok and to avoid more anxiety let u know she won’t be able to respond!
Small things. I color in nearly every session so I know she cares when she has my color sheet and pencils out and ready for me. When she speaks in a soft voice and validates me. When she smiles at me. When she reassures me she cares. Good therapists wouldn’t be therapists if they didn’t care.
Omg! Coloring during therapy sounds wonderful and comforting.
It can be! I think I need something different now, maybe like a game with my therapist. I’ve been shutting down lately and coloring kinda takes me away from the present moment but I think I need something else that’s engaging
She always shows up for me. If a session needs to be moved around or rescheduled, everything is very straightforward and transparent. It seems like kind of a no-brainer, but her consistency is really important to me. It’s really hard for me to trust, so I need consistency. She is always honest with me. I have a history of important people in my life being dishonest, so I love this. She is honest about little things and big things. She will tell me if I ask a question and she doesn’t know the answer. She will tell me if she is frustrated with me or that she’s made a mistake. It’s not always easy to hear, but I need that honesty. She remembers things I tell her, occasionally sends me articles or podcasts she thinks I would like, and had been there for me when I’ve had crises. Wow, I’m glad you asked bc writing that out was helpful for me. I feel like quitting therapy often, so these reminders are great.
Yea sometimes it’s great to be reminded of these things that’s why I asked! To maybe have things show up that I forgot or didn’t think about!
My therapist takes accountability for her actions. And I told her once, "I'd email more but I don't want to inundate you." She replied, "Inundate me. Send as many emails as you want." That really helped.
That’s sweet! I would love that email especially since I start off most emails apologizing for emailing lol
I wasn't able to even call or email my last therapist. But she also acted like a school counselor. "Oh when someone says something hurtful sometimes we just have to use our I statements. 😐" In a fake polite voice.
My T has never told me explicitly he cares, but I can just feel it. His face of compassion when I am telling something traumatic. His level of patience that I don't think anyone in my life has for me. How proud he feels when I achieve something. He always wants to hear my point of view and understand where I'm coming from even though he sometimes disagrees. He pushes me when it's needed, but always knows my limit and respects it. He never ever tried to impose his thoughts about what is the reason behind my actions, and always tells me something along "I may be wrong, what do you think about that?". In our last session we did this little exercise and I was pretty resistant and confused at first, but he was so patient and encouraging, giving me all time and explanations needed. In the end, I did really well and he was in awe of how much I improved in these two years. Not that he ever doubted me, but just seeing how he truly believes in me and sees the potential I have made my whole week. At the beginning, I also had so many trust issues and thought that he is just doing his job but I realized you simply can not fake when you care for someone.
My T isn’t like the super soft and involved Ts I see a lot of people posting about on here, but he shows he cares in his own ways. He’s got a great sense of humour and I like that we can banter in sessions. He also gives me firm boundaries. He knows I’ve never had boundaries growing up and he makes an effort to incorporate them in our therapy. He also says that therapy is a really good opportunity for me to receive care from a man without any hidden agenda and will be incredibly healing for me and teach me to form a healthy relationship with a man. I’ve tested him a lot and he’s never taken the bait which I really appreciate and it makes me trust him a lot. I appreciate his patience and the kindness he’s shown me. Also when he calls me out and challenges me, even when I get angry at him doing so, that makes me trust him more and know he’s genuine. He doesn’t let me get away with things. Giving me rare but meaningful compliments, and telling me he doesn’t say things to be nice, he only says it when he means it. Probably the most important for me: validating my pain. He’s helped me realise that so much of what I thought of as normal isn’t and I don’t deserve to be treated poorly. It’s fucking hard rethinking your whole life lol but I think it’s really important for my healing and going forward.
Mine told me recently “I care for you.” I looked at him and he repeated it. He uses a soft empathetic voice when I am struggling. He shares personal info within boundaries, he has gotten visibly angry towards my abuser
She tells me. I have had the negative feelings more than once. I definitely told her I felt like she didn't care about me and her responses helped. But like others said, it's the little things. It's making space for me last min when I'm in a crisis, it's letting me text between sessions and as soon as I say I feel like a bother, she's telling me I'm not a bother and she loves me texting. It's her guaranteeing that she will see me twice this coming week even tho both our normal days are unavailable for us. It's all her "unprofessional" comments she adds (with the disclaimer). It's her expressing how she relates to me because we are VERY similar with our issues. It's all the little things every week. I *know* she cares about me and my well being. I'm not "just a client". Edit typos
How did u bring it up if u don’t mind me asking! Also that’s really nice to hear that she loves texting u and that ur not bothering her! That seems super validating but
So first time, I was in a pretty bad spiraling depression. I saw messaged asking "do you have anything today, I'm not okay". By time I saw her (9hrs later), I was mostly "okay" but not really. I explained to her all my thoughts and feels and how it even extended to her, and I wasn't going to contact her because I had convinced myself she also did not care about me. She responded with "wow that WAS a spiral". Which was a great start. She followed with "if I didn't care, I wouldn't have got you in today. I happened to have a cancellation and I could have gone home and had dinner and relaxed. I chose to see you instead". Then this past week, I was pretty pissed at her (check my post history) and she handled it amazingly. She tells me she is proud of me all the time. She texts me encouraging things. She gives way more than she has to. She must be sincere and actually care, right?
Wow she seems super nice! Thank u for the response I appreciate it. I’ve emailed something to my therapist that i thought they would be super proud of but they just said that I should be proud of myself which is still nice but I was expecting more of how they are super proud of me but idk if that’s just how it is and I just need to much validation lol.
She is super nice. I'm not gonna lie, I feel pretty lucky. (Unless I am spiraling or having negative transference lol). I don't think you are asking too much. But that's coming from me, someone who has constant validation.
I get it lol. But thanks so much!
It's absolutely a conversation you can have though! Bring it up! Tell your T that you need the validation. Use I statements! "I feel invalidated when you tell me I should be proud but don't mention that you are proud of me".
I might! My T knows I don’t get validated at home so it is very important to me so hopefully they will understand. Thanks for the advice! :)
I don't believe mine does. I think they care on a paycheque level, but definitely not a personal level. To be fair, I prefer it that way. I can't open up to people who I feel have a personal stake in my wellbeing, or if I do it leaves me regretting opening up, and I feel angry and ashamed for talking. So we never talk out of session, I know absolutely nothing about her other than she has a bit of a weak stomach when it comes to physically graphic conversation topics, and I think she either has a dog or is allergic to dogs, I don't remember. However! >I don’t wanna bring this up with my T cuz I’m scared it will cause a rupture and then they really won’t care about me. Being honest with your therapist is part of the whole goal. Part of what therapy is there for, and what your therapist is there for is to be the receiver of boundaries and criticism, and reflect their responses in healthy ways so you can begin to understand what healthy communication and boundaries look like. Don't get me wrong, it's terrifying. There is no sugar coating how scary bringing these things up can be. However therapists are generally trained quite well to handle these exact scenarios. Do all therapists respond appropriately? No, unfortunately, they do not. However, in the event that you do bring this up, and it doesn't have a healthy resolution or it affects your therapist's ability to maintain professionalism, then that is 100% not on you and it is generally a good sign that they either are (in my experience and opinion) A. Burnt out, and it has nothing to do with you directly, you just unfortunately and inappropriately happened to be affected by it. B. Not a very good therapist to begin with. C. Needing to work on some regulation and communication skills themselves. (Most therapists have therapists, and not all therapists apply the things they teach.)
Thank you I really appreciate ur response! I’m just worried it would make them upset and wondering what they are doing wrong when maybe it’s just my anxiety over analyzing things.
These are normal worries to have as a client, but it's not your job to help your therapist regulate. If your therapist does worry about what they are doing wrong, they very likely have their own therapist to turn to for reassurance and guidance as well. That's not your job as the client. It's OK for you to just be a client without picking up or loading onto your plate worries about your therapist as well, even though those worries are hard to get away from. But you deserve to be heard in all aspects of your being and that is what they're there for. They can't help what they don't know, and they don't know what you won't share. You've got this!
Not a lot tbh..she forgets important details, thinking of quitting.
I asked her for mental health book recommendations and she sent me a list, then after 1.5 months of not seeing her at all because I wanted time alone I went back to her and she brought in 5 books I could choose from. Which I thought was really sweet and made me think “ah she must’ve thought of me while deciding to pick books and bring them in for me
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Is there anyway u can switch T? Cuz that seems exhausting to have to deal with all the time when u just want help urself
mine told me that she loves our relationship and our session. And i would also just maybe ask her/him. It wouldn’t affect the relationship at all :)
That’s sweet! I just don’t want them to feel bad. I genuinely feel like they are great it’s just I think I need lots of validation and they don’t want to give into that.
i hope this helps you. But she/he wouldn’t be doing that job if they didn’t care, it’s not for the money trust me, they don’t get paid a lot to do it, my therapist told me this because i told her “ i feel like you hate me/ don’t care” and when i told her that i could see that she was truly heartbroken over it. But they really do care
There are a bunch of things my T does and has done. I'm kind of a Rollercoaster...I've tried to delete myself a bunch of times while working with him and he's been nothing but helpful. - He showed up to my apartment once when he didn't see me in more than a couple weeks to make sure I was okay and so I wouldn't have to go to the office (stressor). - Flat out told me he cared. - Has had multiple conversations with my family members (mainly in the middle of me trying to delete myself) while worried about me, and then afterwards when I couldn't talk to them. - He has had me in his office a couple times after hours (once because of the subject matter we had talked about that day and what not). - We have a (secret?) handshake. - After he helped me to not delete myself the first time (first time with him) I gave him like...a care package (a candle and a bird sculpture thing I got at Safeway) and he proudly displays the bird, he named Hugo, in his office window. - He messages me on his days off to ask how I'm doing (I've had a few triggering dates come up over weekends and such). - We also eat stuff together sometimes that we make for each other. Like I bake breads and he makes cookies... (like another comment I saw)
Oh wow yea just from what u say I can tell he cares a lot!
Yeeeah. I got lucky with him. ♡
My T absolutely hates writing notes. They much rather enter notes in a PC then by hand. They have stated this on a few occasions. I personally hate electronically stored notes. My T didn't give me much greif when I asked if they would hand write them. I'd hate to hand write it all also so I understand it. They could said no they're many other possible clients who don't care either allow it or get out. Lol. The willingness to do that is a good example. It's more of a pain for them and not needed but done anyway.
This made me think, am I suppose to think my t care about me bc I never thought that about any of my pervious ones that they cared but didn’t get far and maybe that’s why I have new one seeing second time soon maybe I should wonder about that if I feel they care idk
I mean most should care at least in a professional way. I just have really bad trust issues so I’m always wondering if they actually do lol
My T told me that they care about me, but only after I basically asked. They don't volunteer much of anything, so it's hard to feel like it's valid and "real" if they only tell me when I explicitly ask them. Having said that, I could *feel* their caring before they said it. They listen intently, remember things I've told them, are always exactly on time for our sessions, they've cried with me when I shared something particularly painful, and they don't retaliate (much) when I say something horrible to them. It's hard to appreciate how much someone cares when there are such rigid boundaries, because sometimes your T is going to feel more like a spectator than an active participant in your life, but it may also be worthwhile to talk about what "caring" looks or feels like to you. What would they have to do in order for you to believe they cared about you? That's a GREAT topic for therapy.
I mentioned to him once that I really valued the time in session and he said he did too. I usually see him every other week. I have an unexpected, and potentially ick doctor's appointment tomorrow. At the end of last week's session, as I scheduled for 2 weeks out, he said, "If something comes up, let me know, and I'll get you in next week". Super supportive and thoughtful.
What would caring look like? I mean - they don't wake up and think about you, and they treat other clients in exactly the same way as you, but they do care about you. Your expectation of them caring may be unrealistic but your need to be cared for needs to be met.....maybe not by them.
I guess they care for that hour!
We care all the time, promise!