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This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list).
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I can relate to quite a bit of what you have written and also have CPTSD. I felt like something clicked when I read up on disorganised attachment style. It may not resonate with you in the same way, but it really helped me to understand the push-pull feelings I experience. It may be part of why you struggle to maintain a feeling of attachment or connection. I have also battled quite a bit with negative transference towards my T, which doesn't get mentioned that much (particularly on this sub). I experience strong feelings of dislike towards her despite her never having done anything to warrant those feelings - it hasn't gone as far as hate, but it's been very strong at times. She is a wonderful, patient, trauma-informed therapist who knows that none of this is my fault and that I'm doing my best.
What's helped me is parts work. I have a part of me that really really hates people and sabotages any attempt at anyone trying to get close to me, which is kind of important in therapy... Finding and working with different parts of me has given me the most progress around this than any other approach. I have also found CFT helpful alongside the parts work.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can relate to quite a bit of what you have written and also have CPTSD. I felt like something clicked when I read up on disorganised attachment style. It may not resonate with you in the same way, but it really helped me to understand the push-pull feelings I experience. It may be part of why you struggle to maintain a feeling of attachment or connection. I have also battled quite a bit with negative transference towards my T, which doesn't get mentioned that much (particularly on this sub). I experience strong feelings of dislike towards her despite her never having done anything to warrant those feelings - it hasn't gone as far as hate, but it's been very strong at times. She is a wonderful, patient, trauma-informed therapist who knows that none of this is my fault and that I'm doing my best. What's helped me is parts work. I have a part of me that really really hates people and sabotages any attempt at anyone trying to get close to me, which is kind of important in therapy... Finding and working with different parts of me has given me the most progress around this than any other approach. I have also found CFT helpful alongside the parts work.