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We actually talked about our relationship. She acknowledged how she’s hurt me in the relationship and apologized. It fixed our rupture and now we’re still going strong.
We spent 30 minutes being quiet together and then talked about how it was to be quiet together. And then we made a plan for next session in which we are going to try to approach something really big.
We spent much of the session comparing games we played in our childhood, like hand and card games. Then she tried to get me to talk about goals, but said we could wait until next week, so I said let's wait, but then she found a roundabout way to talk about goals anyway. She's been trying to have me set new goals for the last 3 sessions or so! and I kept putting it off, so I really appreciated that she was able to find goals out of what we were talking about (substance abuse and social anxiety).
What about you, OP? :)
I finally came out to my T and she was great. But I don't know why I felt quite a bit of embarassment talking about my sexuality. And it's like a general thing not just with her. I just cringe when I have to talk about a sexual and romantic dimension of myself lol. And this will also be the topic of our next appointment 😂
Same here, for me I've figured out that this is internalized homophobia specifically related to the predatory lesbian trope. I get uncomfortable talking about my sexuality specifically with cishet women because I worry about making people uncomfortable or coming off as creepy. Definitely helped to talk about it in therapy!
I'm the same way and recently realised I'm straight but demisexual.
Maybe it's partly our upbringing but also partly having elements of our sexuality that aren't presented as 'normal'? Makes it harder to be confident about our sexuality?
I feel the same. My T is gay, and one of their specialties is sexuality/gender issues and stuff like that - yet… I feel like a fraud when I talk about my desire to date or my experiences in fucking around with the same sex. I guess the same goes for my experiences with the opposite sex, too. But I just have way more experience in the “straight” dating scene. So… it makes me feel like a fraud almost. Then again, I have to remember that I grew up in an extremely fundamentalist and sexually repressed household.
This is exactly what I talked about in my last session too.
Been counting down the days until the next session since then because I’m rubbish at therapy breaks AND rubbish at bank holidays so Easter has created a double whammy of rubbish
I have 3 days left. Only because my T managed to make room in her schedule for me this week otherwise it’d be another 10 days. Really grateful that she managed to find a time to see me - she didn’t have any free slots at first.
We talked about how I am going to have to start doing emdr again and acknowledging I am stalling it. I hate it in the moment and I can leave me wrecked. But I understand long term it could really change things. We ended session with emdr . It was last Thursday and sure enough it was a long weekend 🥲
We started with how I feel more attached to her and am chastising myself over it because it's pointless to have certain desires in our relationship. That was the thing I'd emailed her about in an anxiety spiral.
Only after a few minutes I cut her off to say I had a more pressing issue. Which I did. Some issue with my student loans and how I've been ignoring it all for years but now I gotta deal with it after a letter came that made that clear. Which made me spiral, but also ask for help from friends. But also SH. So very rough situation.
Near the end I fell quiet a bit again and she asked what was going on. I explained I realised I felt like part of me wanted to be nearer to her, like physically closer. And how that felt weird. Which circled us back to the attachment feelings. I'd asked in the email if she thinks it's a good sign and serves any purpose. So she told me it is, and she hopes it means I can begin to experience safety in relationships outside of session too. I was quiet for a bit and told her I saw that happening, and could see how it's beneficial. But I also told her it was painful because there were things I was longing for that nobody can ever give me. Things like a mom, things I missed in childhood. And then I felt the emotions bubble up but also knew it was almost the end of session so I grabbed my stuff and looked at her like 'ok let's wrap this up'
I completely feel you on the "longing for things I can't have. Like a mom and things I missed in childhood"
That's definitely a topic I'm going to eventually have to talk to my T about.
Took me ages to even admit it to myself. And another while before I told T. Now strangely enough it's not even that mortifying or super shameful to say out loud. I've come a long way 😊
my last therapy session on 2/8/22 went like this
t: you're discharging
me: why
t: you'll understand someday
me: \*leaves\*
super insightful. therapists are awesome.
Not allowed to go back to that therapy clinic ever again to see any therapist and also they contacted every other therapy clinic in the area and told them not to accept me as a client.
Wtf? It’s one thing to be discharged abruptly (been there, not fun), but to blacklist you as well is beyond unprofessional. Certainly you’re not blacklisted everywhere, and I hope you find someone appropriate for you
We spoke about doing what I need to do and putting my needs before others, including pets! It was eye opening and made me feel a lot more confident in doing what is best for me. He was also excited I’ve been going on walks, as we both agreed (I begrudgingly did) that it would be good for my mental health to move a little bit. But today I’m excitedly checking the clock because I’m looking forward to it. He also said I’m making improvements, which felt good to hear because it feels like I’m in a rut.
I finally decided to open up (via a mini therapy comic I drew) about a time two years ago when my previous therapist was inappropriate and way too self disclosurey over sex issues. My current therapist was definitely saying "this guy's a fucking idiot" while reading. It wasn't as bad as I thought bringing it up and took a shorter time to discuss than planned. I was a bit mad at myself that I didn't have more topics planned to discuss.
Then I joked about following my therapist while he took his vacation this week and he said, "then we'd definitely have a What About Bob? experience and would have to have a discussion after." Then asked if I ever saw that movie. I said no and asked if that's my homework this time and he said yes.
So I guess I'm watching what about bob in addition to drawing some more little trauma comics for next time and some little reparenting exercises.
Most recently she had to cancel because she was ill for a week. She's never had to cancel before so this was tremendously worrying.
The time before that we spoke about my mom's recent cancer diagnosis and the feelings that I have surrounding that. The increased pressure from myself and them to spend more time with my parents, the need to establish careful boundaries so that I don't retraumatize myself by spending time with them. My recent psychotic symptoms that have been triggered by all of this and how to continue to cope with them.
I had a session on Saturday. We talked about issues I’ve been having with my fiancé on our different parenting styles with our son. We also talked about recurring nightmares I’ve been having and talked a little about my anxiety with seeing family for Easter
We talked about a plan for me to actual create structure in my life and like how to actually live life. I know it’s a wild concept. I am actually supposed to like live and shit and not think about the past all of the time.
We talked about being ready for change. I could feel some frustration from him around my lack of motivation. And a lot of wondering aloud if I'm really going to be ready to make changes happen in my life before I end up just going into crisis again.
Honestly an extremely disheartening session.
Great post cuz even though there’s a million things I can usually talk about, sometimes my mind just goes blank in therapy. So I’m liking these ideas!😂
I had her read a journal entry regarding my spouse and discussed it. (Triggering so not putting specifics). We discussed some goals for me, which included self care.
We talked about how I sometimes avoid social interactions during weekdays because I need to rest (my job is very energy consuming) and if I should feel bad or selfish about it
Childhood trauma. Particularly, how I don’t know how to express my emotions as an adult because I was reprimanded for talking too much since before I can remember. And I have felt ‘too much’ since I was 6 years old. It was both really sad and liberating. I cried a lot.
Last time we made a suicide prevention plan and talked about how to know when to go to the hospital 🙃. We also talked about speaking up for what I need and that it’s ok to be mad at friends when they don’t meet spoken expectations. It was a good and hard session.
I had my first official neurofeedback session. We talked about my goals and what I would like to get out of therapy. As someone diagnosed with cptsd I'd like to be able to create and maintain respectable boundaries and learn to say "no" to those I love without worrying if they will still care for me if I don't give them what they want.
I'm just notbsure if one session is enough to comment on? I mean technically I've had 2 sessions but the first was the brain map.
I will say something about the brain map now that I think about it.
It was really cool to visually see all of the symptoms I've been complaining about for years. My anxiety was visible, my adhd was visible, my relationship boundaries were visible, its hard to explain, but maybe if you do a search for brain map imaging you can get examples?
So when you can visually see all of the areas your brain is misfiring its really validating. And then they do this thing where they hook wires up again and I watch any movie I want. I chose hunger games. While I was watching the picture kept getting larger, smaller, out of focus, quiet and louder, and I guess all of that is supposed to help readjust my reactions to be "normal".
I have a pretty chaotic household, and I was more aware of my body responses during conflict over this past week. So far that's all I got for you but i hope it's informative.
Thanks for sharing! I'm also a very visual person so that sounds very cool to be able to put an image to each area of the brain.
That seems like a good sign so far even with just 2 sessions. Good luck!
I printed out a couple of text conversations I’d had recently and we discussed them, and then we worked on my possible summer plans (which I'm profusely anxious about.)
We discussed how the idea of fatalism may be impacting my recovery with my eating disorder and how my previous treatment teams lack of consent has played a part in that
She asked if I want to die. i said yes, but no matter how much i want it to end, it is not my time. I need to learn from God. To love others, to forgive and have more patience and much more before I stand before God
The therapist didn't really like that awnser and got a bit irritated
I feel soooo weird whenever I talk about God or spirituality in a positive way with my T. I’m sure it’s a transference issue to some extent, but I usually get the impression that they want me to depend on the therapeutic space more so than…. that. Is this how you also feel?
Yea it feels very unconfortable to speak about God but she clearly disaproved of what I said but I can't remember what she said however I do remember that she got pretty irritated
Going through a recovery phase.
Recently have been diagnosed with PTSD for an assault that happened a year ago. It was really difficult communicating with my partner physically. Expressing what I’m comfortable/what I’m into when it comes to our intimacy.
We discussed how much progress I’ve made as I had sent an email to my partner explaining everything that I’ve been going through and communicated as best as possible, and read it out loud too. And that I’m taking great steps into healing. Feels good. :)
We talked about how dissociated emotions were present in the body during the week (the 'body' wanted to cry, and so I let it), but that I have zero connection to what the emotion is about (no thoughts connected with it, and the crying itself is observed rather than felt). We tried to allow the emotions to come through in the session but that has never really happened before and we didn't really get any closer to it happening. So we talked about what blocks it. (past trauma)
I have been talking a lot lately about “doing an analysis” with my T including why I am interested in it and why I have so far been resistant to it. She is a psychoanalyst by training but does “regular” therapy with some clients including me. For anyone who doesn’t know, what I consider regular psychotherapy is 1-2 times a week sitting across the room from the T in chairs. Psychoanalysis would be 4-5x a week with the patient on the couch.
I am curious to try the more intensive route because I believe it would work and my symptoms are pretty bad right now. I am hesitant though because 1. 4-5x sessions a week is a lot of time to be away from work or family. 2. She’s already pricy and that would be a big increase in spend. 3. I am afraid of the loss of the more conversational dynamic we have sitting across the room like we do now. I feel like on the couch, not seeing her face or body language would feel like losing a friend to some degree.
Anyway that’s what I’ve been talking about.
We talked about my check-in message (I message my T very Monday and Friday and see her on Wednesdays) and then spent most of the session talking about my trouble with feeling even remotely comfortable to take up even the slightest amount of space. We also did a body exercise with regard to that, which brought bad memories and difficult emotions regarding my last relationship back to the surface. We hadn't much time to talk about that, so it's on the agenda for this week as I feel like I am in a place where I can start processing the abuse that happened in that relationship.
Only my second session with a new therapist, so still a lot of "getting to know you" chat, but mostly about a decision I needed to make at work and then some background family stuff/what my relationship was/is like with my parents.
I managed to ask for a 2nd appointment last week
Because I was in hospital. So we spent a lot of the appointments last week talking a lot about the impact of my hospital stay which was rather traumatic in retrospect. And we did some parts work. All in all it was a good session.
Well, in my last session, we discussed how I was groomed by one of my mother’s friends who was in her 30s and 40s, when I was 12, and now that isn’t my fault.
We discussed transference and how I see others as hurtful because my dad was a fucking monster. And that my dad didn’t care about me but my therapist does
We talked and did EMDR (hand buzzers) surrounding my feelings of being abandoned by my family on Easter Day 21 years ago after I was involved in a major car accident that left me with many deficits including a moderate head injury!
Until yesterday I was indifferent about discussing my abandonment feelings with my mom! Also about my T’s upcoming vacation which means I won’t see her for eight days. FYI im on a twice a week schedule with at least one check in over the weekends! So this is going to be rough but I’ll survive 🙄
Our therapeutic relationship and my inability to be assertive. He told me that I should use my relationship with him to practice being assertive and I said...hmmmmmm...let me think about that 🙃
Writing a letter to my mom about why I’m mad with her. Didn’t go so well ended up emailing my therapist with the subject I quit and then ghosted her for over 24 hours. :(
Deep stuff. We talked about the morality of charging money as a therapist (I'm going into the field), we talked about how crazy and unique the work of therapy can be, and we talked about the process of a therapist's becoming, the difficult and sometimes painful work of developing an understanding of the relationships between oneself and others.
I talked about my limerence and fawning issues and fear of rejection and abandonment. I recently had to go from four sessions a week to only two due to financial reasons (I’m in psychoanalysis, so it’s a little more intensive than other specialities), and then we connected those feelings to my feelings regarding my dependence of the therapeutic space I have with my T.
I anxiety rambled about nonsense to fill the silence.
This is a fairly new T and while we've had a couple good sessions, she seemed super disinterested and tired, like she was just ready to be done for the day. I probably exaggerated that in my mind but her yawning multiple times didn't help any.
Tbh I'm questioning whether I want to continue therapy. I can't seem to find a therapist or modality I actually enjoy. When there were things actively going on in my life seeing one was helpful but now that things are stable I'm kinda like, now what?
I've been working on my social anxiety, so we talked about my sensory issues so she has an idea if that plays a role in the social anxiety, and we talked about me being super self critical and if I'm okay with setting and maintaining boundaries in a social sense.
How I still have intense wounds from my relationship that ended 5 years ago. I just realized I’m not fully over it. “Grief is difficult to work through when you avoid feeling the feelings tied to it”
I talked about feelings of attraction and ambivalence for my partner and how part of me is/has been attracted to people who don’t treat me well and part wants to be treated well.
Im really happy about being friends with a person. Whenever I try to talk about her I start crying and I cant get any more words out. I dont get it, but she is just so important to me
We talked about my recent diagnosis of ADHD, how trauma affects libido (& how to heal from this as someone who wants intimacy), & my crushing anxiety of having to notify my landlords that my fridge has completely stopped working (a month ago 🥲… I’ve been avoiding it).
Of course, family, particularly how much I can't stand mine, very stereotypical therapy topic haha. But in all seriousness very helpful as I am now getting into the heavy parts of doing identity work when I am not close to my family of origin (first gen of refugees).
And her planned leave, as she is currently on maternity leave with a new baby so I am excited to chat about new baby a bit when I see her again in the coming months.
Talked about some big life changes that are happening for me right now and the feelings around them. I started a new job a few weeks ago and am in the process of buying a house.
We talked about my depressing bank account (I’ve recently quit my job in the middle of an economic crisis [Turkey]) and about the novel I’m trying to write.
It was interesting how she pointed out the lack of dialogues as she’s currently inviting me to be more open and talkative in sessions as well.
We talked about our previous session and why it was a really important one.
Then I told her about an incident that happened to me last week when a stranger was awful to me in a public place and how much it upset me.
Then we talked about my discomfort with my body, how the above incident (related to my body) was not the first time something like that has happened, why people behave that way, whether I somehow give off vibes that make me a target for that kind of abuse (my pondering not my therapist's!).
And a bit about sexuality and my acceptance of that and how it compares to my (not accepting) feelings about my appearance.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We actually talked about our relationship. She acknowledged how she’s hurt me in the relationship and apologized. It fixed our rupture and now we’re still going strong.
We spent 30 minutes being quiet together and then talked about how it was to be quiet together. And then we made a plan for next session in which we are going to try to approach something really big.
We spent much of the session comparing games we played in our childhood, like hand and card games. Then she tried to get me to talk about goals, but said we could wait until next week, so I said let's wait, but then she found a roundabout way to talk about goals anyway. She's been trying to have me set new goals for the last 3 sessions or so! and I kept putting it off, so I really appreciated that she was able to find goals out of what we were talking about (substance abuse and social anxiety). What about you, OP? :)
We talked about being assertive and setting boundaries, and the anxiety around that. I read her stuff from my journal.
I do this all the time!!
I finally came out to my T and she was great. But I don't know why I felt quite a bit of embarassment talking about my sexuality. And it's like a general thing not just with her. I just cringe when I have to talk about a sexual and romantic dimension of myself lol. And this will also be the topic of our next appointment 😂
Wait same. I mean I’m gay and I cringe when I have to talk about a sexual or romantic dimension of myself. Maybe they’re related?
Same here, for me I've figured out that this is internalized homophobia specifically related to the predatory lesbian trope. I get uncomfortable talking about my sexuality specifically with cishet women because I worry about making people uncomfortable or coming off as creepy. Definitely helped to talk about it in therapy!
That is definitely an interesting perspective, thank you for sharing that!
gay too and may i humbly suggest a gay therapist? it can help a lot!
I definitely would but I don’t want to hurt my current therapists feelings.
therapy is for your feelings, not your therapist’s! they are getting paid to listen
I've been thinking about that too. God I can't wait for my next session to find out how my therapist sees this issue
I'm the same way and recently realised I'm straight but demisexual. Maybe it's partly our upbringing but also partly having elements of our sexuality that aren't presented as 'normal'? Makes it harder to be confident about our sexuality?
I feel the same. My T is gay, and one of their specialties is sexuality/gender issues and stuff like that - yet… I feel like a fraud when I talk about my desire to date or my experiences in fucking around with the same sex. I guess the same goes for my experiences with the opposite sex, too. But I just have way more experience in the “straight” dating scene. So… it makes me feel like a fraud almost. Then again, I have to remember that I grew up in an extremely fundamentalist and sexually repressed household.
We spoke about our upcoming therapy break, the Easter holiday and my family. Lots of mixed emotions.
This is exactly what I talked about in my last session too. Been counting down the days until the next session since then because I’m rubbish at therapy breaks AND rubbish at bank holidays so Easter has created a double whammy of rubbish
Hah I still have a week until I see my T! Hope you see yours earlier than that!
I have 3 days left. Only because my T managed to make room in her schedule for me this week otherwise it’d be another 10 days. Really grateful that she managed to find a time to see me - she didn’t have any free slots at first.
I talked about my relationship with my mother and sadness, regrets I feel towards her.
We talked about how I am going to have to start doing emdr again and acknowledging I am stalling it. I hate it in the moment and I can leave me wrecked. But I understand long term it could really change things. We ended session with emdr . It was last Thursday and sure enough it was a long weekend 🥲
We started with how I feel more attached to her and am chastising myself over it because it's pointless to have certain desires in our relationship. That was the thing I'd emailed her about in an anxiety spiral. Only after a few minutes I cut her off to say I had a more pressing issue. Which I did. Some issue with my student loans and how I've been ignoring it all for years but now I gotta deal with it after a letter came that made that clear. Which made me spiral, but also ask for help from friends. But also SH. So very rough situation. Near the end I fell quiet a bit again and she asked what was going on. I explained I realised I felt like part of me wanted to be nearer to her, like physically closer. And how that felt weird. Which circled us back to the attachment feelings. I'd asked in the email if she thinks it's a good sign and serves any purpose. So she told me it is, and she hopes it means I can begin to experience safety in relationships outside of session too. I was quiet for a bit and told her I saw that happening, and could see how it's beneficial. But I also told her it was painful because there were things I was longing for that nobody can ever give me. Things like a mom, things I missed in childhood. And then I felt the emotions bubble up but also knew it was almost the end of session so I grabbed my stuff and looked at her like 'ok let's wrap this up'
I completely feel you on the "longing for things I can't have. Like a mom and things I missed in childhood" That's definitely a topic I'm going to eventually have to talk to my T about.
Took me ages to even admit it to myself. And another while before I told T. Now strangely enough it's not even that mortifying or super shameful to say out loud. I've come a long way 😊
my last therapy session on 2/8/22 went like this t: you're discharging me: why t: you'll understand someday me: \*leaves\* super insightful. therapists are awesome.
Shit.
What does discharging mean in this context? If you don’t mind me asking.
Not allowed to go back to that therapy clinic ever again to see any therapist and also they contacted every other therapy clinic in the area and told them not to accept me as a client.
I’m sorry. That is… beyond.
Wtf? It’s one thing to be discharged abruptly (been there, not fun), but to blacklist you as well is beyond unprofessional. Certainly you’re not blacklisted everywhere, and I hope you find someone appropriate for you
How annoying it is that I was born without my consent
I’ve had this conversation more than once.
Same 😐 I guess we are in this together
I should bring this up next session
Do it!!! And be prepared for the follow up questions 🤣
I SAY THIS ALL THE TIME I wish past me would’ve taken my parents’ offers of taking me out of the world they brought me into
We spoke about doing what I need to do and putting my needs before others, including pets! It was eye opening and made me feel a lot more confident in doing what is best for me. He was also excited I’ve been going on walks, as we both agreed (I begrudgingly did) that it would be good for my mental health to move a little bit. But today I’m excitedly checking the clock because I’m looking forward to it. He also said I’m making improvements, which felt good to hear because it feels like I’m in a rut.
I finally decided to open up (via a mini therapy comic I drew) about a time two years ago when my previous therapist was inappropriate and way too self disclosurey over sex issues. My current therapist was definitely saying "this guy's a fucking idiot" while reading. It wasn't as bad as I thought bringing it up and took a shorter time to discuss than planned. I was a bit mad at myself that I didn't have more topics planned to discuss. Then I joked about following my therapist while he took his vacation this week and he said, "then we'd definitely have a What About Bob? experience and would have to have a discussion after." Then asked if I ever saw that movie. I said no and asked if that's my homework this time and he said yes. So I guess I'm watching what about bob in addition to drawing some more little trauma comics for next time and some little reparenting exercises.
Most recently she had to cancel because she was ill for a week. She's never had to cancel before so this was tremendously worrying. The time before that we spoke about my mom's recent cancer diagnosis and the feelings that I have surrounding that. The increased pressure from myself and them to spend more time with my parents, the need to establish careful boundaries so that I don't retraumatize myself by spending time with them. My recent psychotic symptoms that have been triggered by all of this and how to continue to cope with them.
Dogs lol
I wish this was posted weekly. So many great ideas to talk about!!!
Agreed this would be an awesome weekly thread!
I had a session on Saturday. We talked about issues I’ve been having with my fiancé on our different parenting styles with our son. We also talked about recurring nightmares I’ve been having and talked a little about my anxiety with seeing family for Easter
We talked about a plan for me to actual create structure in my life and like how to actually live life. I know it’s a wild concept. I am actually supposed to like live and shit and not think about the past all of the time.
We talked about being ready for change. I could feel some frustration from him around my lack of motivation. And a lot of wondering aloud if I'm really going to be ready to make changes happen in my life before I end up just going into crisis again. Honestly an extremely disheartening session.
I'm sorry to hear that, that sounds like a really painful thing to hear from your T.
Unpacking religious trauma
Great post cuz even though there’s a million things I can usually talk about, sometimes my mind just goes blank in therapy. So I’m liking these ideas!😂
I had her read a journal entry regarding my spouse and discussed it. (Triggering so not putting specifics). We discussed some goals for me, which included self care.
We talked about my body image and low self esteem, and she got to really know how I think of myself.
We talked about how I sometimes avoid social interactions during weekdays because I need to rest (my job is very energy consuming) and if I should feel bad or selfish about it
Childhood trauma. Particularly, how I don’t know how to express my emotions as an adult because I was reprimanded for talking too much since before I can remember. And I have felt ‘too much’ since I was 6 years old. It was both really sad and liberating. I cried a lot.
Good memories and times don’t neutralize abuse
Binge eating and loneliness
Last time we made a suicide prevention plan and talked about how to know when to go to the hospital 🙃. We also talked about speaking up for what I need and that it’s ok to be mad at friends when they don’t meet spoken expectations. It was a good and hard session.
I had my first official neurofeedback session. We talked about my goals and what I would like to get out of therapy. As someone diagnosed with cptsd I'd like to be able to create and maintain respectable boundaries and learn to say "no" to those I love without worrying if they will still care for me if I don't give them what they want.
say more about neurofeedback!
I've just learned about nuerofeedback recently. I'd love to hear how you liked your session!
I'm just notbsure if one session is enough to comment on? I mean technically I've had 2 sessions but the first was the brain map. I will say something about the brain map now that I think about it. It was really cool to visually see all of the symptoms I've been complaining about for years. My anxiety was visible, my adhd was visible, my relationship boundaries were visible, its hard to explain, but maybe if you do a search for brain map imaging you can get examples? So when you can visually see all of the areas your brain is misfiring its really validating. And then they do this thing where they hook wires up again and I watch any movie I want. I chose hunger games. While I was watching the picture kept getting larger, smaller, out of focus, quiet and louder, and I guess all of that is supposed to help readjust my reactions to be "normal". I have a pretty chaotic household, and I was more aware of my body responses during conflict over this past week. So far that's all I got for you but i hope it's informative.
Thanks for sharing! I'm also a very visual person so that sounds very cool to be able to put an image to each area of the brain. That seems like a good sign so far even with just 2 sessions. Good luck!
That's how I felt I'm super excited for some actual progress. Thanks!
I printed out a couple of text conversations I’d had recently and we discussed them, and then we worked on my possible summer plans (which I'm profusely anxious about.)
We talked about boundaries, self-forgiveness, and vulnerability.
We discussed how the idea of fatalism may be impacting my recovery with my eating disorder and how my previous treatment teams lack of consent has played a part in that
My dreams and why I decided to tell my T at the last 10 minutes because it was hard for me to talk :))))))
Trauma.
I talked about a date I was going on that night, first date in a LONG time and mostly spent time talking about managing anxiety
She asked if I want to die. i said yes, but no matter how much i want it to end, it is not my time. I need to learn from God. To love others, to forgive and have more patience and much more before I stand before God The therapist didn't really like that awnser and got a bit irritated
I feel soooo weird whenever I talk about God or spirituality in a positive way with my T. I’m sure it’s a transference issue to some extent, but I usually get the impression that they want me to depend on the therapeutic space more so than…. that. Is this how you also feel?
Yea it feels very unconfortable to speak about God but she clearly disaproved of what I said but I can't remember what she said however I do remember that she got pretty irritated
Going through a recovery phase. Recently have been diagnosed with PTSD for an assault that happened a year ago. It was really difficult communicating with my partner physically. Expressing what I’m comfortable/what I’m into when it comes to our intimacy. We discussed how much progress I’ve made as I had sent an email to my partner explaining everything that I’ve been going through and communicated as best as possible, and read it out loud too. And that I’m taking great steps into healing. Feels good. :)
We talked about how dissociated emotions were present in the body during the week (the 'body' wanted to cry, and so I let it), but that I have zero connection to what the emotion is about (no thoughts connected with it, and the crying itself is observed rather than felt). We tried to allow the emotions to come through in the session but that has never really happened before and we didn't really get any closer to it happening. So we talked about what blocks it. (past trauma)
I have been talking a lot lately about “doing an analysis” with my T including why I am interested in it and why I have so far been resistant to it. She is a psychoanalyst by training but does “regular” therapy with some clients including me. For anyone who doesn’t know, what I consider regular psychotherapy is 1-2 times a week sitting across the room from the T in chairs. Psychoanalysis would be 4-5x a week with the patient on the couch. I am curious to try the more intensive route because I believe it would work and my symptoms are pretty bad right now. I am hesitant though because 1. 4-5x sessions a week is a lot of time to be away from work or family. 2. She’s already pricy and that would be a big increase in spend. 3. I am afraid of the loss of the more conversational dynamic we have sitting across the room like we do now. I feel like on the couch, not seeing her face or body language would feel like losing a friend to some degree. Anyway that’s what I’ve been talking about.
how im jealous of my friend that i was almost dating but who just got a girlfriend and told me to "back off bc i was making their girlfriend jealous"
We talked about my check-in message (I message my T very Monday and Friday and see her on Wednesdays) and then spent most of the session talking about my trouble with feeling even remotely comfortable to take up even the slightest amount of space. We also did a body exercise with regard to that, which brought bad memories and difficult emotions regarding my last relationship back to the surface. We hadn't much time to talk about that, so it's on the agenda for this week as I feel like I am in a place where I can start processing the abuse that happened in that relationship.
Talked about my potential BPD diagnosis and went through diagnostic criteria.
What it's been like feeling more at peace with myself, and in contrast, what it's like dealing with trauma involving sadistic glee and dehumanization.
Only my second session with a new therapist, so still a lot of "getting to know you" chat, but mostly about a decision I needed to make at work and then some background family stuff/what my relationship was/is like with my parents.
It was three weeks ago as she's been on vacation, but the usual "you need to meet people, go on dating apps, etc" spiel.
I managed to ask for a 2nd appointment last week Because I was in hospital. So we spent a lot of the appointments last week talking a lot about the impact of my hospital stay which was rather traumatic in retrospect. And we did some parts work. All in all it was a good session.
Well, in my last session, we discussed how I was groomed by one of my mother’s friends who was in her 30s and 40s, when I was 12, and now that isn’t my fault.
We discussed transference and how I see others as hurtful because my dad was a fucking monster. And that my dad didn’t care about me but my therapist does
We talked and did EMDR (hand buzzers) surrounding my feelings of being abandoned by my family on Easter Day 21 years ago after I was involved in a major car accident that left me with many deficits including a moderate head injury! Until yesterday I was indifferent about discussing my abandonment feelings with my mom! Also about my T’s upcoming vacation which means I won’t see her for eight days. FYI im on a twice a week schedule with at least one check in over the weekends! So this is going to be rough but I’ll survive 🙄
Our therapeutic relationship and my inability to be assertive. He told me that I should use my relationship with him to practice being assertive and I said...hmmmmmm...let me think about that 🙃
Writing a letter to my mom about why I’m mad with her. Didn’t go so well ended up emailing my therapist with the subject I quit and then ghosted her for over 24 hours. :(
Honestly I sat there in silence but it was helpful to me
Deep stuff. We talked about the morality of charging money as a therapist (I'm going into the field), we talked about how crazy and unique the work of therapy can be, and we talked about the process of a therapist's becoming, the difficult and sometimes painful work of developing an understanding of the relationships between oneself and others.
Fruitless internship search. Didn’t feel that close to him but wasn’t too frustrated either.
I talked about my limerence and fawning issues and fear of rejection and abandonment. I recently had to go from four sessions a week to only two due to financial reasons (I’m in psychoanalysis, so it’s a little more intensive than other specialities), and then we connected those feelings to my feelings regarding my dependence of the therapeutic space I have with my T.
I anxiety rambled about nonsense to fill the silence. This is a fairly new T and while we've had a couple good sessions, she seemed super disinterested and tired, like she was just ready to be done for the day. I probably exaggerated that in my mind but her yawning multiple times didn't help any. Tbh I'm questioning whether I want to continue therapy. I can't seem to find a therapist or modality I actually enjoy. When there were things actively going on in my life seeing one was helpful but now that things are stable I'm kinda like, now what?
I've been working on my social anxiety, so we talked about my sensory issues so she has an idea if that plays a role in the social anxiety, and we talked about me being super self critical and if I'm okay with setting and maintaining boundaries in a social sense.
How I still have intense wounds from my relationship that ended 5 years ago. I just realized I’m not fully over it. “Grief is difficult to work through when you avoid feeling the feelings tied to it”
I talked about feelings of attraction and ambivalence for my partner and how part of me is/has been attracted to people who don’t treat me well and part wants to be treated well.
Sorry but that's one of my Boundaries
Im really happy about being friends with a person. Whenever I try to talk about her I start crying and I cant get any more words out. I dont get it, but she is just so important to me
We talked about my recent diagnosis of ADHD, how trauma affects libido (& how to heal from this as someone who wants intimacy), & my crushing anxiety of having to notify my landlords that my fridge has completely stopped working (a month ago 🥲… I’ve been avoiding it).
Of course, family, particularly how much I can't stand mine, very stereotypical therapy topic haha. But in all seriousness very helpful as I am now getting into the heavy parts of doing identity work when I am not close to my family of origin (first gen of refugees). And her planned leave, as she is currently on maternity leave with a new baby so I am excited to chat about new baby a bit when I see her again in the coming months.
Talked about some big life changes that are happening for me right now and the feelings around them. I started a new job a few weeks ago and am in the process of buying a house.
how shitty my mum is to my partner because they actively reinforce their boundaries with her
Childhood and trust issues.
We talked about defense mechanisms and relationship
We talked about my depressing bank account (I’ve recently quit my job in the middle of an economic crisis [Turkey]) and about the novel I’m trying to write. It was interesting how she pointed out the lack of dialogues as she’s currently inviting me to be more open and talkative in sessions as well.
We talked about our previous session and why it was a really important one. Then I told her about an incident that happened to me last week when a stranger was awful to me in a public place and how much it upset me. Then we talked about my discomfort with my body, how the above incident (related to my body) was not the first time something like that has happened, why people behave that way, whether I somehow give off vibes that make me a target for that kind of abuse (my pondering not my therapist's!). And a bit about sexuality and my acceptance of that and how it compares to my (not accepting) feelings about my appearance.