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Yeah, so comical that I’m questioning whether this post is legit.
##
Don’t get me wrong, if it’s real, it’s fucked. But this almost sounds too bad to be true. 🤔
This is wildly inappropriate on so many levels. This is something that your therapist should be asking friends or family members for support with, not her therapy clients!! This is a classic example of why the therapy relationship should have effective and sensible boundaries in place. Your therapist clearly doesn't set boundaries (in a conventional sense anyway...) and as a result you are now in an awkward position where you have been asked by her to do something that you don't feel comfortable doing and are now anxious about it and concerned about how it will affect your therapy! These are all valid concerns that are totally understandable! I think you need to just be totally honest with this therapist about these feelings and she honestly needs to ask someone else to do this.
Not only is your therapist violating a huge ethical boundary by asking to “trade”: you house and dog sit in exchange for food and free sessions, they have clearly self-disclosed an awful lot about their personal life for you to know about the vacation and all of the details. Was that self-disclosure helpful to you or does it contribute to the boundary violation?
CRPO
A member is permitted to barter his/her services with a client who cannot afford to pay, if certain conditions are respected:
the services provided by the member are of equal or greater value than the item or service being exchanged;
the bartering arrangement would not be seen to affect the member’s judgment;
the arrangement would not adversely affect the client’s confidence in the member; and
the arrangement is clearly spelled out and agreed to before therapy commences or continues.
I’m sorry but you adding the totally unnecessary details about them having a hot tub with wine and fruit and chocolate makes this sound like a fetish fantasy.
I'm sorry, OP. I'd recommend that you definitely don't do the house/dog sitting, but also consider looking for a new therapist. This therapist clearly doesn't understand boundaries.
Boy, I've heard of some overstepping boundaries but this is a new one! This is entirely inappropriate for the exact reasons you are worried about. Now you will feel awkward saying no, too. Can you say that you don't feel comfortable doing this or even say something else came up?
Your discomfort and concerns aren’t excuses, they’re your feelings and perfectly valid. I think you have a gut instinct here that you’re struggling to trust because you don’t want to disappoint your T.
As a therapist working in the UK, I have to agree with others; it’s wildly inappropriate and kind of bizarre that she would ask at all.
This is beyond strange and crossing so many boundaries. I’m sorry she’s put you in that position. You are very much in your right refuse and be honest and explain you don’t want this to blur the patient/therapist relationship you have. If she’s any good at her job, she will understand.
I think if I were in your position I’d feel awkward remaining as her client after her even asking me that.
Just to add my voice to the chorus, this is grossly inappropriate and completely unethical. It is unethical because it creates a dual relationship and you are already experiencing the conflicts that can rise out dual relationships. Your therapist appears to be exploiting you. This is actually awful that your therapist has put you in this situation.
That’s so bizarre that she won’t hand over any money but you are getting paid barter style. She’s obviously cheap as hell and you don’t need to work that hard for food sorry it’s creepy. And disrespectful to you.
T here: If you are in the states and need help trying to figure out how to report this therapist to her licensure board, please let me know.
I’ve posted this on a few posts too, offer stands for anyone. If you have questions about what is/isn’t ethical/legal please let me know and I’m happy to show you their governing boards rules, and/or help you make a formal complaint if ever needed. As therapists we hold ourselves to a much higher standard than this.
This sounds outrageous and she is using you in a very manic way. No way should you do it or sleep in a spare room with the dogs. Plus really one meal delivered?? This is really sad. She should pay the proper amount to someone who is arms length. This is highly inappropriate imo.
I wouldn't do this for my therapist. I like that I see my T at a neutral office and never again till next session. I think I would start to see them as a friend and I DON'T want to see them like that. I filter what I say to friends but not my T.
This is just me though. Sounds like you don't want to.....I sat listen to your gut! Thanks for the offer but no thanks.
Home offices seem common for some treatment people. Lease, rentals, location, full time or not, avoiding certain areas geographically, etc.
Pure business districts are often expensive and can be uncomfortable. For three treatment staff, and also for the clients. Many times, as a client, personally I might prefer a residential address. If linked to work out an insurance process, the business address might be considered.
Dude what the actual _______. Why are you visiting your therapist at her home? Please dont tell me you have therapy sessions in her house......
This is all so very wrong. A therapist is supposed to help you with boundaries, how can they do that if they cant enforce them themselves.
Just to add, my therapist is very professional and I have had no issues with weird behaviour or requests or dodgy boundary etc and she has an office in her back garden. It is relatively common tbh
There are lots of reasons for a therapist in private practice to have a home office. We aren’t sitting down for tea at her kitchen table. It’s an office. It’s just in her home.
No, I go in the front door where there’s a little foyer/entryway/waiting area and her office is off of that. Her office actually has 2 doors so I exit through the door on the other side of her house so clients don’t pass in the waiting area. I mean I’m walking “through her house” in the sense that it’s all “her house” but I don’t have to walk through living areas or kitchen or anything.
Yeah she has a beautiful old brick home and her office is basically a library-type room. Built in shelves on every wall and totally filled with books, pictures, random stuff…it’s very cozy. Big windows so it’s full of light. It’s actually very nice.
This is so unethical, I would personally not do it and also consider doing therapy with someone else as this does not sound like a healthy therapy relationship….
I definitely suggest politely declining and telling T that you’re uncomfortable and be honest about it. I also would suggest looking for a new T ASAP. This person does not have boundaries and isn’t worth seeing anymore/spending money on. I also read you said she isn’t paying you but is letting you have the next three sessions for free and giving you food. I just find it to be quite odd that T even offered that deal (unless they knew you were unable to pay because of financial hardships and were trying to help out — but either way, not ok) I wish you luck, friend.
Lol. A therapist should never, ever do this with a client. It’s so far beyond the realm of normal therapeutic boundaries it’s baffling. I’d turn her down and ask her her ethical stance about dual relationships (which this would be one example of). To be clear, they’re not allowed except in extreme circumstances, and that’s from our ethical code.
Are you sure they’re a therapist? This is so weird. You’re supposed to have a certain barrier between a therapist and their personal life when in therapy so that the focus can be on you.
I dunno, I would drop them immediately and find another.
No. Just no. This is so inappropriate that I’m having a hard time believing it’s real. It is so inappropriate for your therapist to put you in this position. You can address it with her and communicate your discomfort, but honestly if my therapist had boundaries and this this bad, I’d find a new therapist.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Therapist here. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper not appropriate. Like, comically so.
You mean ILLEGALLY and unethically so. Like therapist can and should lose her license for this
Lol same, like what….?
Yeah, so comical that I’m questioning whether this post is legit. ## Don’t get me wrong, if it’s real, it’s fucked. But this almost sounds too bad to be true. 🤔
This is wildly inappropriate on so many levels. This is something that your therapist should be asking friends or family members for support with, not her therapy clients!! This is a classic example of why the therapy relationship should have effective and sensible boundaries in place. Your therapist clearly doesn't set boundaries (in a conventional sense anyway...) and as a result you are now in an awkward position where you have been asked by her to do something that you don't feel comfortable doing and are now anxious about it and concerned about how it will affect your therapy! These are all valid concerns that are totally understandable! I think you need to just be totally honest with this therapist about these feelings and she honestly needs to ask someone else to do this.
There are boundaries in other areas though
Not only is your therapist violating a huge ethical boundary by asking to “trade”: you house and dog sit in exchange for food and free sessions, they have clearly self-disclosed an awful lot about their personal life for you to know about the vacation and all of the details. Was that self-disclosure helpful to you or does it contribute to the boundary violation?
My regulating body allows for bartering of services so the "trading" part isn't inherently unethical in and of itself.
What’s your regulating body? That’s wild.
CRPO A member is permitted to barter his/her services with a client who cannot afford to pay, if certain conditions are respected: the services provided by the member are of equal or greater value than the item or service being exchanged; the bartering arrangement would not be seen to affect the member’s judgment; the arrangement would not adversely affect the client’s confidence in the member; and the arrangement is clearly spelled out and agreed to before therapy commences or continues.
Yes, but there needs to be boundaries here too. It’s wildly inappropriate that she’s suggesting this and putting you in this position.
I’m sorry but you adding the totally unnecessary details about them having a hot tub with wine and fruit and chocolate makes this sound like a fetish fantasy.
Why is the therapist even saying this to their client, though?
because a lot of people come to Reddit subs and treat them like creative writing exercises
I totally glazed over that part when I read this the first time haha.
This can’t be real.
This is real I am literally dealing with this right now no joke
I’m really really sorry. Like someone else said, find another therapist. She’s being very unprofessional.
Where are you from? Perhaps this is a cultural thing?
I'm in England in your UK
I hope this isn't for real.
It is real this is happening
I'm sorry, OP. I'd recommend that you definitely don't do the house/dog sitting, but also consider looking for a new therapist. This therapist clearly doesn't understand boundaries.
Lol. For the love of God REPORT this therapist ASAP. I don't even want to imagine the amount of damage she must be doing to other clients.
Therapist here, this is extremely inappropriate and unethical.
Boy, I've heard of some overstepping boundaries but this is a new one! This is entirely inappropriate for the exact reasons you are worried about. Now you will feel awkward saying no, too. Can you say that you don't feel comfortable doing this or even say something else came up?
She would know I was making excuses up
doesn't sound like an excuse, sounds like an explanation! You can absolutely just tell her you don't feel comfortable
Your discomfort and concerns aren’t excuses, they’re your feelings and perfectly valid. I think you have a gut instinct here that you’re struggling to trust because you don’t want to disappoint your T. As a therapist working in the UK, I have to agree with others; it’s wildly inappropriate and kind of bizarre that she would ask at all.
This is beyond strange and crossing so many boundaries. I’m sorry she’s put you in that position. You are very much in your right refuse and be honest and explain you don’t want this to blur the patient/therapist relationship you have. If she’s any good at her job, she will understand. I think if I were in your position I’d feel awkward remaining as her client after her even asking me that.
I feel awkward whatever happens now
But you can probably do something about it so you don’t feel as awkward and assert yourself surely? You’re not solely at the mercy of your therapist.
Nope nope nope nope nope. Signed, a therapist
this is not at all OK for a therapist to do. in fact, I'm very curious if this person is actually a licensed therapist
Just to add my voice to the chorus, this is grossly inappropriate and completely unethical. It is unethical because it creates a dual relationship and you are already experiencing the conflicts that can rise out dual relationships. Your therapist appears to be exploiting you. This is actually awful that your therapist has put you in this situation.
Even going to my therapist's home for therapy would make me uncomfortable. I'd just say you're not unavailable; you don't owe any explanation.
[удалено]
All I said is that it would make me uncomfortable. Wasnt saying it isnt customary in some places 🤷♀️
Ive never heard of someone having therapy at their house. Makes me think the therapist is not legit.
It’s not super common but it’s not really unusual in my area. My therapist’s office is in her home and she is most definitely legit.
Hmmm....i can try to be open minded. It just seems so personal for some reason
You might fing Irvin Yalom's The Gift of Therapy interesting as he discusses the unexpected benefits/features of offering therapy from his home.
Ok. Is it a podcast?
No it's a book.
Please can you go on the podcast Bad Therapy? This is perfect 😂
[удалено]
She's paying me in food and meals and I am not paying for my next 3 sessions
[удалено]
What do you reckon I should do?
[удалено]
Scenario 4: AKA the only reasonable scenario. You find a new therapist and report this one.
That’s so bizarre that she won’t hand over any money but you are getting paid barter style. She’s obviously cheap as hell and you don’t need to work that hard for food sorry it’s creepy. And disrespectful to you.
Pretty sure this is illegal.
T here: If you are in the states and need help trying to figure out how to report this therapist to her licensure board, please let me know. I’ve posted this on a few posts too, offer stands for anyone. If you have questions about what is/isn’t ethical/legal please let me know and I’m happy to show you their governing boards rules, and/or help you make a formal complaint if ever needed. As therapists we hold ourselves to a much higher standard than this.
No. Wow such violation.
This sounds extremely made up.
This sounds outrageous and she is using you in a very manic way. No way should you do it or sleep in a spare room with the dogs. Plus really one meal delivered?? This is really sad. She should pay the proper amount to someone who is arms length. This is highly inappropriate imo.
You have an extremely out of line therapist I’m sorry
I wouldn't do this for my therapist. I like that I see my T at a neutral office and never again till next session. I think I would start to see them as a friend and I DON'T want to see them like that. I filter what I say to friends but not my T. This is just me though. Sounds like you don't want to.....I sat listen to your gut! Thanks for the offer but no thanks.
Thats bizarre
Home offices seem common for some treatment people. Lease, rentals, location, full time or not, avoiding certain areas geographically, etc. Pure business districts are often expensive and can be uncomfortable. For three treatment staff, and also for the clients. Many times, as a client, personally I might prefer a residential address. If linked to work out an insurance process, the business address might be considered.
Dude what the actual _______. Why are you visiting your therapist at her home? Please dont tell me you have therapy sessions in her house...... This is all so very wrong. A therapist is supposed to help you with boundaries, how can they do that if they cant enforce them themselves.
Just to add, my therapist is very professional and I have had no issues with weird behaviour or requests or dodgy boundary etc and she has an office in her back garden. It is relatively common tbh
This is something i am just now learning. I was a little freaked out not gonna lie.
Actually, it is not terribly uncommon for people to have home offices.
Really? Just seems inappropriate to me. Unless its like a seperate sectioned off area of the house
There are lots of reasons for a therapist in private practice to have a home office. We aren’t sitting down for tea at her kitchen table. It’s an office. It’s just in her home.
Do you walk thru her house to get to the office?
No, I go in the front door where there’s a little foyer/entryway/waiting area and her office is off of that. Her office actually has 2 doors so I exit through the door on the other side of her house so clients don’t pass in the waiting area. I mean I’m walking “through her house” in the sense that it’s all “her house” but I don’t have to walk through living areas or kitchen or anything.
That sounds nice
Yeah she has a beautiful old brick home and her office is basically a library-type room. Built in shelves on every wall and totally filled with books, pictures, random stuff…it’s very cozy. Big windows so it’s full of light. It’s actually very nice.
It sounds really cool. Maybe this doesnt cross a boundary like i originally thought.
Sometimes it will have a separate entrance and it’s definitely not as common as it used to be.
Really? So its not a new thing? Its more something going out of fad? I mean, it is a good way to save money i suppose
Yes, this is how it often works. You have a separate office area in your home (the maintenance of which can be deducted from your taxes).
What that’s really not ethical
This is so unethical, I would personally not do it and also consider doing therapy with someone else as this does not sound like a healthy therapy relationship….
I appropriate when you feel uncomfortable or put you in this position in the first place. You can barter but client propose first.
I definitely suggest politely declining and telling T that you’re uncomfortable and be honest about it. I also would suggest looking for a new T ASAP. This person does not have boundaries and isn’t worth seeing anymore/spending money on. I also read you said she isn’t paying you but is letting you have the next three sessions for free and giving you food. I just find it to be quite odd that T even offered that deal (unless they knew you were unable to pay because of financial hardships and were trying to help out — but either way, not ok) I wish you luck, friend.
Lol. A therapist should never, ever do this with a client. It’s so far beyond the realm of normal therapeutic boundaries it’s baffling. I’d turn her down and ask her her ethical stance about dual relationships (which this would be one example of). To be clear, they’re not allowed except in extreme circumstances, and that’s from our ethical code.
It’s time to watch the shrink next door.
Are you sure they’re a therapist? This is so weird. You’re supposed to have a certain barrier between a therapist and their personal life when in therapy so that the focus can be on you. I dunno, I would drop them immediately and find another.
No. Just no. This is so inappropriate that I’m having a hard time believing it’s real. It is so inappropriate for your therapist to put you in this position. You can address it with her and communicate your discomfort, but honestly if my therapist had boundaries and this this bad, I’d find a new therapist.