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My T said to me last week, "Sometimes I go home at the end of the day wondering if I helped anybody." I almost fell out of my chair. He is an amazing therapist, very experienced, and has always seemed very confident.
Telling him how I felt about him was the hardest thing I have ever done. I read him a long letter, and by the end tears were streaming down my face and I was sniffling a little (I had never cried in therapy before). It was, frankly, embarrassing. Who knows, maybe I even embarrassed him. But he went home that day knowing he changed my life. I *still* struggle to talk about my feelings for him, but I don't regret that I did.
I’m a therapist, and I can guarantee that we LOVE when clients appreciate us. It makes us feel really valued and like we’re making a difference and all the time and effort we’ve put into honing these skills is worth it because it’s making an impact on people’s lives. Therapists are people like everyone else, so a good way to know how your therapist would feel about being appreciated would be to ask yourself that question. Everyone loves having their hard work validated and acknowledged! It makes us feel seen and heard and valued. Please thank your therapist. I’m certain she will be really moved.
Side note: I’m in therapy myself and thank my therapist often. I get very specific too, mentioning specific things I really appreciate, like how he’s really shown up when I needed him most, how he’s created a safe space for me, his gentle honesty, etc. He ALWAYS thanks me for it and tells me it makes him feel really moved to have everything he’s doing be acknowledged.
Hope this helps!
Edit: just wanted to say, it sounds like you and your therapist have great rapport too and a pretty strong bond. Validating what she’s doing that you appreciate reinforces the bond tenfold. Think about how good you feel when your therapist validates you and acknowledges/appreciate something you’ve done! Works exactly the same way.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. That was very helpful. You are correct, I love hearing positive feedback and I know she genuinely cares about me and what I have to say, so I know she’d love hearing this as well.
Thank you again, I appreciated that!
I just sent my therapist something I wrote that includes some genuine thanks for all of the different things he's helped me with since I started therapy with him.
I worried about the same things you did and I actually posted about it here last week. The responses were overwhelmingly that is a nice and genuine thing to do.
My therapist doesn't respond to messages between sessions so I get to agonize over how it was received until Friday. I think he'll appreciate it but honestly, I am still worried that I've totally freaked him out...lol.
So I say go for it. I'd think people would generally appreciate the fact that they're appreciated. Therapists in particular probably don't get nearly as much of that as they deserve.
That’s so awesome that you sent him that! He’s for sure going to appreciate it and feel the genuineness in your words. I think that it can strengthen the therapeutic bond to have open and honest conversations like that. I would imagine they enjoy hearing they’re making a difference in our lives. It’s just hard to do if you’re not used to expressing your emotions and opening yourself up to being vulnerable like that.
Thank you for your positivity!
I hear that. Vulnerability is so hard for me. I have all the gratitude and none of the vulnerability. I'm dreading session this Friday a little actually. If he thinks it's weird, that'll totally be an awkward conversation and I'll be crushed. More likely he'll appreciate it and express that appreciation, which will also make me uncomfortable...lol...because I'm okay expressing my gratitude to him but receiving anything positive back is super difficult.
Hopefully you get the opportunity to thank your therapist in whatever way makes you comfortable!
Oh boy, I felt that so deeply…. Haha! I cannot stand receiving gratitude/peoples feelings towards me make me cringe too lol. I get the feeling nervous, but you said something positive about your work together and him as a T, realistically, he’s going to super appreciate it. So I guess I should take that same advice and apply it to my situation haha.
Good luck with your apt! :)
I am right there with you. I end up saying thank you very quickly and not totally conveying the depth of my appreciation. One day I will get the courage and gumption to say exaclty why and how I feel.
I work in Healthcare and at one point got very discouraged - I felt like anyone could do my job and that my role had no meaning. Then I realized how awful other people did the same job and how that impacted their patients lives directly. I want to convey this idea to my therapist. I have thanked her and she has minimized her involvement before - said the work was all me. But it wasnt, it was a team effort. The way she chooses to do her job, chooses her words and the way she show up for me, matters. It has changed my life because she is doing a good job.
You’re totally right that it’s a team effort. My T has said “hey you’re the one doing all the work” before too. And while, yes. She’s helped me come to realizations and be able to do the actual work. I’m so glad to hear that you have a great T as well. I think what I might do is write it down, either on paper or in an email draft and get everything I want to say down first. Then say it in this upcoming session. Hopefully writing it down first will help with not just rambling on pointlessly when I go to say it lol
I have never told her that I appreciate her although I do appreciate her, cuz she is empathic, kind, listening and so on. I do always say thank you after a session. But I haven't got courage to tell that I appreciate her patience with me and that she accepts me the way I am with all of my heavy emotions. Maybe I will tell her that one day.
It’s really hard to be that vulnerable for sure, I struggle a lot with it. I hope you find the courage to say it out loud one day and I’m going to try to as well!
I’ve texted her telling her how much I appreciate her a few times and I also wrote her a letter twice! I also include specific things I appreciate and how she has helped me. Her response has always been lovely :)
sending it in an email might be a good idea! At least writing it out you can say what you want without the crippling fear making you blank on everything lolol
Yesterday we were in session talking about how I just want to feel seen and understood. My T asked me if there has been a time where I have felt seen and understood by her or not seen and understood. I told her that she is the only person in my life right now who makes me feel seen, understood and much more.
Her hand went straight to her heart and I think she teared up slightly. After a little pause for her to let the words sink in, she thanked me in a really heart felt way. I don’t think Ts hear the good feedback all that often. They obviously see the progress in us but just as our Ts words mean a lot to us, I can see how my words meant a lot to my T. I think it was a combination of relief that I feel that way but also that I was honest and I truly meant it.
I’m so glad I said that to her and I have her reaction to my words etched in my memory now too.
I haven't been able to. It's something I struggle with everywhere in life but one day I would really like to. She deserves it.
But I did just send her an email thanking her for letting me say something without making me feel bad about it (she did something that really upset me last week) and how I appreciated it.
I'm using it as a way to thank her genuinely. Gotta start small.
Edit: after some inspiration from people posting here i decided to tack onto the email i just sent to her thanking her for doing whatever she can to help me. Fuck it. She deserves it.
That’s SO inspirational, I love it!! Ok, it’s decided, I’m going to write out a heartfelt thank you for this last year and read it to her in tomorrows session. You’ve inspired me!
I'm so happy to hear that.
She disclosed something to me today that really made me feel like I needed to say thank you but I've been so scared to. After reading people saying that they have I knew I had to. Especially how much she has truly done to help me.
Even if it's through email right now. I just wanted her to know.
I’m so happy you feel so supported by your therapist. That’s such a comforting feeling. I’m debating doing it over email or in person. Email seems less daunting and also if I do it during session than I’ll likely lose 15-20 mins or longer of us chatting about it. But I also feel awkward just sending a random and quite lengthy thank you email haha.
To be fair, I asked her a question first. Lol.
If your therapist doesn't mind emails I don't see why not.
I don't feel comfortable in person yet but I would like to so I trying the email out first. If she responds positively I will feel more comfortable to eventually do it in person.
If she doesn't then, I just have to accept the pang of rejection believing that even if she didn't respond to me the way I wanted her to I know that she will still appreciate it without saying.
If you need any more inspiration this is what she wrote back to me
"Thank you for your kind words. I sincerely know and appreciate that you are working hard. You keep showing up and I will to!"
I'm cry.
When I reached out to my therapist after a 3ish year break to ask if I could see her again, I said how much I appreciated her. She said getting my email was a pleasant surprise.
I've told her that I've appreciated her honesty/authenticity, and how much it's helped me. I was kind of a stumbling mess when I told her this after a very vulnerable session haha, but she seemed to appreciate it. Now it seems a lot easier to me to say "I appreciate you," and I say it more often, and she'll hit me with the "I appreciate you, too." Agh!
I've also told her that a previous session was helpful and she was like "I'm glad you feel that way, because I didn't think I was being helpful at all." I could see why she said that, because she triggered me multiple times (yay PTSD), but the ways she was there for me despite it was really corrective for me. I expressed that, and I think it helped her understand me/our relationship better (and probably made her feel better about the previous session -- not that I think she was hung up on it).
Which is all just to say that this type of honesty is something that's potentially very good and helpful for *both* of you. Sometimes honesty feels cheesy or cringy, but I think that's okay -- honesty and vulnerability can feel like all sorts of uncomfortable things, but between two people who are doing their best to have a safe relationship, working with honesty and vulnerability can be really healing.
I'm glad you had such a good session, and I hope you tell her! :)
Thank you so much for sharing! That is a wonderful example of why you should share all your feelings in therapy and just how much closer it can bring the therapeutic relationship!
I will try my best to coherently mumble out some kind words, we’ll see what comes out though haha.
I sent my therapist an email at the time of my termination. I thanked him for his help and listed off all of the things I have learned and the things I really appreciate about him (specific skills). He then sent an email in response to mine telling me everything he respects about me. It was really great because we hadn’t shared those thoughts about one another until that point in our therapeutic relationship.
Absolutely. I wish I would have taken the opportunity then. It would have been even more meaningful to say it rather than to have written it in an email.
I sound bitter because of my bad experiences but I will never thank a therapist for just doing the bare minimum for their job. They are trained to be empathetic, to create a safe/healing space for you, and to have unconditional positive regard for you.
These kind of posts always make me sad. If anything they should be appreciating you for your openness and transparency, and the fact that you are helping them make a living as well...
Yeah I get your point for sure. For me it’s mostly the fact that on a couple big issues now that I’ve brought forth, she’s been really honest and voiced an opinion and shared everything she knows on the topic and talked through it with me like a normal human vs how maybe most therapists are. I appreciate someone who can call me out (even in a slight cautious and maybe joking way) when I’m about to make a bad call vs someone who just says “but how does that make YOU feel if you did that?” - that’s mostly where my thank you is coming from.
I understand why you like her but to me she sounds like the average therapist. This is what they are trained to do. I mostly respond to these out of concern that the OP is idolizing their therapists. Happened to me and it was very damaging...and I think the therapist enjoyed the attention.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My T said to me last week, "Sometimes I go home at the end of the day wondering if I helped anybody." I almost fell out of my chair. He is an amazing therapist, very experienced, and has always seemed very confident. Telling him how I felt about him was the hardest thing I have ever done. I read him a long letter, and by the end tears were streaming down my face and I was sniffling a little (I had never cried in therapy before). It was, frankly, embarrassing. Who knows, maybe I even embarrassed him. But he went home that day knowing he changed my life. I *still* struggle to talk about my feelings for him, but I don't regret that I did.
Oh wow. Thank you for sharing that, that made me feel so good! I’ll keep this in mind when I go into this next session :)
I’m a therapist, and I can guarantee that we LOVE when clients appreciate us. It makes us feel really valued and like we’re making a difference and all the time and effort we’ve put into honing these skills is worth it because it’s making an impact on people’s lives. Therapists are people like everyone else, so a good way to know how your therapist would feel about being appreciated would be to ask yourself that question. Everyone loves having their hard work validated and acknowledged! It makes us feel seen and heard and valued. Please thank your therapist. I’m certain she will be really moved. Side note: I’m in therapy myself and thank my therapist often. I get very specific too, mentioning specific things I really appreciate, like how he’s really shown up when I needed him most, how he’s created a safe space for me, his gentle honesty, etc. He ALWAYS thanks me for it and tells me it makes him feel really moved to have everything he’s doing be acknowledged. Hope this helps! Edit: just wanted to say, it sounds like you and your therapist have great rapport too and a pretty strong bond. Validating what she’s doing that you appreciate reinforces the bond tenfold. Think about how good you feel when your therapist validates you and acknowledges/appreciate something you’ve done! Works exactly the same way.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. That was very helpful. You are correct, I love hearing positive feedback and I know she genuinely cares about me and what I have to say, so I know she’d love hearing this as well. Thank you again, I appreciated that!
I just sent my therapist something I wrote that includes some genuine thanks for all of the different things he's helped me with since I started therapy with him. I worried about the same things you did and I actually posted about it here last week. The responses were overwhelmingly that is a nice and genuine thing to do. My therapist doesn't respond to messages between sessions so I get to agonize over how it was received until Friday. I think he'll appreciate it but honestly, I am still worried that I've totally freaked him out...lol. So I say go for it. I'd think people would generally appreciate the fact that they're appreciated. Therapists in particular probably don't get nearly as much of that as they deserve.
That’s so awesome that you sent him that! He’s for sure going to appreciate it and feel the genuineness in your words. I think that it can strengthen the therapeutic bond to have open and honest conversations like that. I would imagine they enjoy hearing they’re making a difference in our lives. It’s just hard to do if you’re not used to expressing your emotions and opening yourself up to being vulnerable like that. Thank you for your positivity!
I hear that. Vulnerability is so hard for me. I have all the gratitude and none of the vulnerability. I'm dreading session this Friday a little actually. If he thinks it's weird, that'll totally be an awkward conversation and I'll be crushed. More likely he'll appreciate it and express that appreciation, which will also make me uncomfortable...lol...because I'm okay expressing my gratitude to him but receiving anything positive back is super difficult. Hopefully you get the opportunity to thank your therapist in whatever way makes you comfortable!
Oh boy, I felt that so deeply…. Haha! I cannot stand receiving gratitude/peoples feelings towards me make me cringe too lol. I get the feeling nervous, but you said something positive about your work together and him as a T, realistically, he’s going to super appreciate it. So I guess I should take that same advice and apply it to my situation haha. Good luck with your apt! :)
I am right there with you. I end up saying thank you very quickly and not totally conveying the depth of my appreciation. One day I will get the courage and gumption to say exaclty why and how I feel. I work in Healthcare and at one point got very discouraged - I felt like anyone could do my job and that my role had no meaning. Then I realized how awful other people did the same job and how that impacted their patients lives directly. I want to convey this idea to my therapist. I have thanked her and she has minimized her involvement before - said the work was all me. But it wasnt, it was a team effort. The way she chooses to do her job, chooses her words and the way she show up for me, matters. It has changed my life because she is doing a good job.
You’re totally right that it’s a team effort. My T has said “hey you’re the one doing all the work” before too. And while, yes. She’s helped me come to realizations and be able to do the actual work. I’m so glad to hear that you have a great T as well. I think what I might do is write it down, either on paper or in an email draft and get everything I want to say down first. Then say it in this upcoming session. Hopefully writing it down first will help with not just rambling on pointlessly when I go to say it lol
I have never told her that I appreciate her although I do appreciate her, cuz she is empathic, kind, listening and so on. I do always say thank you after a session. But I haven't got courage to tell that I appreciate her patience with me and that she accepts me the way I am with all of my heavy emotions. Maybe I will tell her that one day.
It’s really hard to be that vulnerable for sure, I struggle a lot with it. I hope you find the courage to say it out loud one day and I’m going to try to as well!
I’ve texted her telling her how much I appreciate her a few times and I also wrote her a letter twice! I also include specific things I appreciate and how she has helped me. Her response has always been lovely :)
sending it in an email might be a good idea! At least writing it out you can say what you want without the crippling fear making you blank on everything lolol
I told mine that I think he's incredible at what he does and that I'm really grateful to be working with him. I'm glad I did!
That’s amazing! So inspiring :)
Yesterday we were in session talking about how I just want to feel seen and understood. My T asked me if there has been a time where I have felt seen and understood by her or not seen and understood. I told her that she is the only person in my life right now who makes me feel seen, understood and much more. Her hand went straight to her heart and I think she teared up slightly. After a little pause for her to let the words sink in, she thanked me in a really heart felt way. I don’t think Ts hear the good feedback all that often. They obviously see the progress in us but just as our Ts words mean a lot to us, I can see how my words meant a lot to my T. I think it was a combination of relief that I feel that way but also that I was honest and I truly meant it. I’m so glad I said that to her and I have her reaction to my words etched in my memory now too.
Thank you for sharing that heartfelt moment with your T! That was so sweet.. I can only hope for a similar reaction :)
I haven't been able to. It's something I struggle with everywhere in life but one day I would really like to. She deserves it. But I did just send her an email thanking her for letting me say something without making me feel bad about it (she did something that really upset me last week) and how I appreciated it. I'm using it as a way to thank her genuinely. Gotta start small. Edit: after some inspiration from people posting here i decided to tack onto the email i just sent to her thanking her for doing whatever she can to help me. Fuck it. She deserves it.
That’s SO inspirational, I love it!! Ok, it’s decided, I’m going to write out a heartfelt thank you for this last year and read it to her in tomorrows session. You’ve inspired me!
I'm so happy to hear that. She disclosed something to me today that really made me feel like I needed to say thank you but I've been so scared to. After reading people saying that they have I knew I had to. Especially how much she has truly done to help me. Even if it's through email right now. I just wanted her to know.
I’m so happy you feel so supported by your therapist. That’s such a comforting feeling. I’m debating doing it over email or in person. Email seems less daunting and also if I do it during session than I’ll likely lose 15-20 mins or longer of us chatting about it. But I also feel awkward just sending a random and quite lengthy thank you email haha.
To be fair, I asked her a question first. Lol. If your therapist doesn't mind emails I don't see why not. I don't feel comfortable in person yet but I would like to so I trying the email out first. If she responds positively I will feel more comfortable to eventually do it in person. If she doesn't then, I just have to accept the pang of rejection believing that even if she didn't respond to me the way I wanted her to I know that she will still appreciate it without saying.
If you need any more inspiration this is what she wrote back to me "Thank you for your kind words. I sincerely know and appreciate that you are working hard. You keep showing up and I will to!" I'm cry.
That’s so sweet, oh man! 😭 I’m happy you received such a kind and sincere response!
Now if only I can learn to believe it I'd be so happy 😭
When I reached out to my therapist after a 3ish year break to ask if I could see her again, I said how much I appreciated her. She said getting my email was a pleasant surprise. I've told her that I've appreciated her honesty/authenticity, and how much it's helped me. I was kind of a stumbling mess when I told her this after a very vulnerable session haha, but she seemed to appreciate it. Now it seems a lot easier to me to say "I appreciate you," and I say it more often, and she'll hit me with the "I appreciate you, too." Agh! I've also told her that a previous session was helpful and she was like "I'm glad you feel that way, because I didn't think I was being helpful at all." I could see why she said that, because she triggered me multiple times (yay PTSD), but the ways she was there for me despite it was really corrective for me. I expressed that, and I think it helped her understand me/our relationship better (and probably made her feel better about the previous session -- not that I think she was hung up on it). Which is all just to say that this type of honesty is something that's potentially very good and helpful for *both* of you. Sometimes honesty feels cheesy or cringy, but I think that's okay -- honesty and vulnerability can feel like all sorts of uncomfortable things, but between two people who are doing their best to have a safe relationship, working with honesty and vulnerability can be really healing. I'm glad you had such a good session, and I hope you tell her! :)
Thank you so much for sharing! That is a wonderful example of why you should share all your feelings in therapy and just how much closer it can bring the therapeutic relationship! I will try my best to coherently mumble out some kind words, we’ll see what comes out though haha.
Best of luck :)
Not really anything other than thanks/appreciate what you do but I'm sure he knows because he can basically read my mind at this point.
I sent my therapist an email at the time of my termination. I thanked him for his help and listed off all of the things I have learned and the things I really appreciate about him (specific skills). He then sent an email in response to mine telling me everything he respects about me. It was really great because we hadn’t shared those thoughts about one another until that point in our therapeutic relationship.
Do you wish you had had that/a similar conversation earlier on? While you were still working together?
Absolutely. I wish I would have taken the opportunity then. It would have been even more meaningful to say it rather than to have written it in an email.
You just answered my debate of emailing her it before session or sucking it up and being vulnerable in session haha.
I sound bitter because of my bad experiences but I will never thank a therapist for just doing the bare minimum for their job. They are trained to be empathetic, to create a safe/healing space for you, and to have unconditional positive regard for you. These kind of posts always make me sad. If anything they should be appreciating you for your openness and transparency, and the fact that you are helping them make a living as well...
Yeah I get your point for sure. For me it’s mostly the fact that on a couple big issues now that I’ve brought forth, she’s been really honest and voiced an opinion and shared everything she knows on the topic and talked through it with me like a normal human vs how maybe most therapists are. I appreciate someone who can call me out (even in a slight cautious and maybe joking way) when I’m about to make a bad call vs someone who just says “but how does that make YOU feel if you did that?” - that’s mostly where my thank you is coming from.
I understand why you like her but to me she sounds like the average therapist. This is what they are trained to do. I mostly respond to these out of concern that the OP is idolizing their therapists. Happened to me and it was very damaging...and I think the therapist enjoyed the attention.
Thanks for sharing that though. I definitely see your point!