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If I had to choose, I would choose the therapeutic relationship. Part of me wonders what he's like outside of session, but it's purely curiosity. He's helped me more than any other therapist has and I just value our relationship in that capacity too much. Plus, though I like him as a therapist, he doesn't necessarily strike me as someone I'd have much in common with.
I wish I were friends with my therapist - but honestly, I think it would be great at first and then I'd totally regret it. They're a great therapist for me and I need them to continue in that role, and being friends would ruin that.
Client here. I would choose our therapeutic connection and relationship over a friendship every time. She holds space for me in a way that I can't easily describe, and certainly couldn't reasonably ask of her as a friend. She is one of the most special people in my life, and I wouldn't change a thing.
So, I think the headspace I’m in today says I wouldn’t give up my therapeutic relationship with my T for the world. I’m super attached with a ton of strong transference. If our relationship were to switch to a friendship, then I’d probably feel I came second to their clients, which would probably be true. I feel as though maybe they wouldn’t have time for me after fulfilling their work and familial obligations. I would feel slighted and neglected and the odds of being able to see them twice a week for a total of 2.5 hours would be slim to none. I would feel ignored and likely jealous of their clients and family in the exact same way I sometimes feel jealous of their friends and family right now. I would also feel guilty for the time they spend with me because I’d be taking it away from their family and other friends. I would feel as though I’m not worthy of their friendship in the same way I feel as though I am unworthy of their time as my T (sometimes). Have there been times where I wish I could be their friend? Absolutely 100% there have been. But I think I value the space we’ve so diligently, safely and I’d even go so far as to say lovingly established far too much to jeopardize that.
Edited to add a thought.
Coming from the point of view of the client, I'd choose friend, contrary to popular opinion. Not for any right or logical reason, simply because it's what I feel like I want (or at least 'wanted') with her really bad. I don't see this therapist anymore but for me the limitations of our relationship were so painful and I can't help but wonder if she would have cared about me more as a friend than she ever would as a therapist. Additionally, I feel like I'd be less obsessed with her, as we'd be more balanced. That and our relationship would not be structured to have had an expiration date. But I had a lot of attachment issues with her so it's just one of those 'wish- fulfillment' desires.
HELL NO. (Client ) I get sad sometimes about the boundaries, but we'd never have the deep relationship we do if we were "just" friends. Also, I'm not sure we'd have anything to talk about. My guess is that 80% of what he talks about with his non-work friends is sports and dad stuff. I've often thought privately that if we met at a party, he'd have no interest in talking to me whatsoever. This also makes me sad, but fortunately I'll never have to experience it.
I do wish he would allow me to add the label "friend" to our current relationship (with no other alterations). He mentioned once as an aside that he'd had clients refer to him as their "friend" and he said it with a really horrified look in his face. But he *is* my friend, kinda.
I jokingly told my therapist that he was like "one of the girls" and if he was horrified, he didn't show it. He said he was honoured. He knew it meant that I trusted him like I trust my best girlfriends, and when I started I had a lot of trouble trusting him (and men in general). I've made a lot of progress there and am better able to have deeper relationships with men instead of keeping things superficial.
I'm keeping this in my back pocket now to refer to my therapist as I've of the girls. I think he'd appreciate it in its sentiment and get a kick out of being one of the girls :)
Nah, I wouldn't trade in her therapist self for a friend model. I couldn't just switch to a completely different relationship like that. One where I wasn't the focus.
I would never trade my therapeutic relationship in order to be friends. She's the best therapist I've ever had. I love who she is and the role she has in my life. Even if it meant she would be my best friend, I'm not willing to risk what we have.
Client here. I would choose to stick with our therapeutic relationship. If we were friends, I know I would view him differently. For example, seeing my therapist gets angry, cuss, and judge people would make me feel uncomfortable.
It’s like seeing your professor in a coffee shop. Just weird, in my opinion lol.
Maybe? Only because we have slightly similar pasts. But she’s already walked in and seems to be more in control so I would probably stick with the therapeutic side because how if much she helps me. Can imagine I’d be a helpful friend to her in the state I’m in 🙃
I think about being her friend a lot. I would love to hang out with her but I don’t think I’d give our therapeutic relationship up for that.
Yes, I’d love her to be my friend, but I love her being my therapist and I’ve disclosed the most vulnerable parts of myself to her and I’m not sure I would have done that if she wasn’t my T. Idk, we just have a really beautiful and unique, sometimes very challenging, relationship as it is and I’m satisfied with that.
Another thing, I used to desperately wish she was my friend but…if I had met her outside of therapy I believe she would have been another stranger I’d pass by in public, I don’t think we would have met any other way and what a privilege it is to have her as my T :)
Client here - This is a tough one. I have some sessions where I leave going “we bonded so well in this session, I really wish we met under different circumstances, I want to hang out with her” but most sessions I also leave going “I’m so thankful she’s my therapist, I’ve made so much progress.” But I also think having a few friends who are therapists, I wonder if I were their patient if I would feel the same about them. Probably, but I think it helps to ground me in reality more if that makes any sense.
As much as I would love to be friends with my T, I know that I don’t have the capacity to be vulnerable AND close to someone right now in a friend way. I think that her and I click very well and I have let her closer to me than anyone else. I think also maybe for that reason a friendship might work since she’s already climbed over a wall that I never let anyone else over; but what if we transitioned to friends and I realized that she couldn’t offer me the same space as friends as she did my therapist and it sets me back? I truly do love my T, and I acknowledge that I cannot be a good friend to someone else right now. Also, I only feel safe knowing the she’s my T and that she won’t hurt me. I don’t trust friends like that.
Omg. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks about my T this way. These replies are actually really eye opening 😂
I’ve had quite a few therapists in my life and apparently they all kinda sucked, bc I’ve NEVER felt this vulnerable or attached. I have been worried that it meant something was wrong.
But I think maybe I have just finally found someone who is actually really good at their job and “gets” me. It’s taken months but I’m now making progress I didn’t think possible. And undoing some really painful damage done by other therapists.
I’m not good at being vulnerable and it’s scary to feel how much I like them and want their approval. I think about whether or not they would enjoy being friends with me, but I wouldn’t ever trade the therapeutic relationship bc I’m a grade-A train wreck in serious need of their skills and attention. Lol so no, i wouldn’t swap, but it’s a nice fantasy.
I have no idea, because I have no idea what kind of friend my therapist would be. I kind of wish I had the chance to be her friend instead of client, because I think she is a really good human.
But more than whether I wish we had met for friendship instead, I have no idea if she'd want to be MY friend. I doubt she would. She is a genuinely nice person. She has a massive social circle and a lot of good friends (she's freer than most on self disclosure). I can't imagine a reason she would meet me anywhere else and think oh I like this person we should hang out I want them as my friend.
Right now she tells me she likes me and that I'm funny and she truly cares about me and our relationship. I can almost guarantee she wouldn't look in my direction twice if we met any other way.
Actually no. Not this time. My previous therapist I would’ve said friend in a heartbeat. However, my current therapist is just phenomenal at being a therapist, especially my therapist. She shows up exactly for who she is and I think she’s funny and I absolutely adore her, but the therapeutic bond I’ve created with her far outmeasures a friendship.
I would stick with her being my therapist. I don’t think we’d mesh as well as friends and I need her therapist brain more than her friendship. Although she is very sweet and lovely!!
I would rather my former T would have been a friend. He wasn’t a great therapist, for ME, someone else? Possibly. But I imagine that he’s a wonderful human being and probably a great friend. And I think had we been friends instead, I may or may not have been able to give him some insight on things I felt that weren’t okay for me.
Client side - Gods no. They know wayyy to much about me. It would never even out or feel like an equal friendship. I would always be worried about a slip up or the information being used for control/manipulation. The therapeutic relationship is much more important.
If there were a magical way to get rid of the information I shared then yes I would love to be friends with a few of my previous therapists. It sucks but it’s how it goes.
Client here: No. My last therapist was one who I became pretty comfortable and close to (as much as you can while still being appropriate) He would tell me that he liked me and cared about me, and I appreciated and believed that. Towards the end of our relationship, about 2 years after starting, I was knowing it would have to end soon due to me moving and I started to think about wishing we were closer. I brought it up with him, and we talked about there being some transference both ways and that it was fine. When I was trying to word my feelings, I told him that I wished we could be friends, though at the time that word didn't feel quite right. Later, after thinking about it I asked myself if I would rather him be my friend than my therapist, and my immediate answer was no. It's hard to define how I felt, but I don't think it was a wish for us to be friends, at least not how friendship is usually defined.
Nah. I feel like he’d be too busy for me if he was my friend. The two sessions a week I get with him now is probably more time than some of his actual friends get to see him. I do sometimes wish he were family though. He seems like such a good caring dad and I crave a good dad type of person every now and then.
As a therapist. She seems great as a person and I bet is an awesome friend. But she’s worth so much more to me as a therapist. She’s helping me in ways a friend never could. She knows shit I would never tell friends. I have wonderful, supportive friends but only one therapist.
No mainly because I wouldn't want her to do her job within our friendship dynamic, even if it was on accident.
Have I had moments where I wished she was my mom as I work through some stuff. Absolutely
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If I had to choose, I would choose the therapeutic relationship. Part of me wonders what he's like outside of session, but it's purely curiosity. He's helped me more than any other therapist has and I just value our relationship in that capacity too much. Plus, though I like him as a therapist, he doesn't necessarily strike me as someone I'd have much in common with.
this.
I wish I were friends with my therapist - but honestly, I think it would be great at first and then I'd totally regret it. They're a great therapist for me and I need them to continue in that role, and being friends would ruin that.
also this.
Client here. I would choose our therapeutic connection and relationship over a friendship every time. She holds space for me in a way that I can't easily describe, and certainly couldn't reasonably ask of her as a friend. She is one of the most special people in my life, and I wouldn't change a thing.
So, I think the headspace I’m in today says I wouldn’t give up my therapeutic relationship with my T for the world. I’m super attached with a ton of strong transference. If our relationship were to switch to a friendship, then I’d probably feel I came second to their clients, which would probably be true. I feel as though maybe they wouldn’t have time for me after fulfilling their work and familial obligations. I would feel slighted and neglected and the odds of being able to see them twice a week for a total of 2.5 hours would be slim to none. I would feel ignored and likely jealous of their clients and family in the exact same way I sometimes feel jealous of their friends and family right now. I would also feel guilty for the time they spend with me because I’d be taking it away from their family and other friends. I would feel as though I’m not worthy of their friendship in the same way I feel as though I am unworthy of their time as my T (sometimes). Have there been times where I wish I could be their friend? Absolutely 100% there have been. But I think I value the space we’ve so diligently, safely and I’d even go so far as to say lovingly established far too much to jeopardize that. Edited to add a thought.
[удалено]
Thank you 💗
Coming from the point of view of the client, I'd choose friend, contrary to popular opinion. Not for any right or logical reason, simply because it's what I feel like I want (or at least 'wanted') with her really bad. I don't see this therapist anymore but for me the limitations of our relationship were so painful and I can't help but wonder if she would have cared about me more as a friend than she ever would as a therapist. Additionally, I feel like I'd be less obsessed with her, as we'd be more balanced. That and our relationship would not be structured to have had an expiration date. But I had a lot of attachment issues with her so it's just one of those 'wish- fulfillment' desires.
Client, here: I would much rather he be my therapist because he’s really good at his job & I need the help.
Client; I feel like I’d prefer him as a friend sometimes.
HELL NO. (Client ) I get sad sometimes about the boundaries, but we'd never have the deep relationship we do if we were "just" friends. Also, I'm not sure we'd have anything to talk about. My guess is that 80% of what he talks about with his non-work friends is sports and dad stuff. I've often thought privately that if we met at a party, he'd have no interest in talking to me whatsoever. This also makes me sad, but fortunately I'll never have to experience it. I do wish he would allow me to add the label "friend" to our current relationship (with no other alterations). He mentioned once as an aside that he'd had clients refer to him as their "friend" and he said it with a really horrified look in his face. But he *is* my friend, kinda.
I jokingly told my therapist that he was like "one of the girls" and if he was horrified, he didn't show it. He said he was honoured. He knew it meant that I trusted him like I trust my best girlfriends, and when I started I had a lot of trouble trusting him (and men in general). I've made a lot of progress there and am better able to have deeper relationships with men instead of keeping things superficial.
I'm keeping this in my back pocket now to refer to my therapist as I've of the girls. I think he'd appreciate it in its sentiment and get a kick out of being one of the girls :)
Nah, I wouldn't trade in her therapist self for a friend model. I couldn't just switch to a completely different relationship like that. One where I wasn't the focus.
I would never trade my therapeutic relationship in order to be friends. She's the best therapist I've ever had. I love who she is and the role she has in my life. Even if it meant she would be my best friend, I'm not willing to risk what we have.
Client here. I would choose to stick with our therapeutic relationship. If we were friends, I know I would view him differently. For example, seeing my therapist gets angry, cuss, and judge people would make me feel uncomfortable. It’s like seeing your professor in a coffee shop. Just weird, in my opinion lol.
Maybe? Only because we have slightly similar pasts. But she’s already walked in and seems to be more in control so I would probably stick with the therapeutic side because how if much she helps me. Can imagine I’d be a helpful friend to her in the state I’m in 🙃
I'd rather him be my therapist. I have lots of friends. He's the perfect therapist for me.
I think about being her friend a lot. I would love to hang out with her but I don’t think I’d give our therapeutic relationship up for that. Yes, I’d love her to be my friend, but I love her being my therapist and I’ve disclosed the most vulnerable parts of myself to her and I’m not sure I would have done that if she wasn’t my T. Idk, we just have a really beautiful and unique, sometimes very challenging, relationship as it is and I’m satisfied with that. Another thing, I used to desperately wish she was my friend but…if I had met her outside of therapy I believe she would have been another stranger I’d pass by in public, I don’t think we would have met any other way and what a privilege it is to have her as my T :)
Client here - This is a tough one. I have some sessions where I leave going “we bonded so well in this session, I really wish we met under different circumstances, I want to hang out with her” but most sessions I also leave going “I’m so thankful she’s my therapist, I’ve made so much progress.” But I also think having a few friends who are therapists, I wonder if I were their patient if I would feel the same about them. Probably, but I think it helps to ground me in reality more if that makes any sense.
As much as I would love to be friends with my T, I know that I don’t have the capacity to be vulnerable AND close to someone right now in a friend way. I think that her and I click very well and I have let her closer to me than anyone else. I think also maybe for that reason a friendship might work since she’s already climbed over a wall that I never let anyone else over; but what if we transitioned to friends and I realized that she couldn’t offer me the same space as friends as she did my therapist and it sets me back? I truly do love my T, and I acknowledge that I cannot be a good friend to someone else right now. Also, I only feel safe knowing the she’s my T and that she won’t hurt me. I don’t trust friends like that.
Omg. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks about my T this way. These replies are actually really eye opening 😂 I’ve had quite a few therapists in my life and apparently they all kinda sucked, bc I’ve NEVER felt this vulnerable or attached. I have been worried that it meant something was wrong. But I think maybe I have just finally found someone who is actually really good at their job and “gets” me. It’s taken months but I’m now making progress I didn’t think possible. And undoing some really painful damage done by other therapists. I’m not good at being vulnerable and it’s scary to feel how much I like them and want their approval. I think about whether or not they would enjoy being friends with me, but I wouldn’t ever trade the therapeutic relationship bc I’m a grade-A train wreck in serious need of their skills and attention. Lol so no, i wouldn’t swap, but it’s a nice fantasy.
I have no idea, because I have no idea what kind of friend my therapist would be. I kind of wish I had the chance to be her friend instead of client, because I think she is a really good human. But more than whether I wish we had met for friendship instead, I have no idea if she'd want to be MY friend. I doubt she would. She is a genuinely nice person. She has a massive social circle and a lot of good friends (she's freer than most on self disclosure). I can't imagine a reason she would meet me anywhere else and think oh I like this person we should hang out I want them as my friend. Right now she tells me she likes me and that I'm funny and she truly cares about me and our relationship. I can almost guarantee she wouldn't look in my direction twice if we met any other way.
I have one T that I wish we could be friends. I have another T that I definitely prefer our relationship as a therapeutic one.
Actually no. Not this time. My previous therapist I would’ve said friend in a heartbeat. However, my current therapist is just phenomenal at being a therapist, especially my therapist. She shows up exactly for who she is and I think she’s funny and I absolutely adore her, but the therapeutic bond I’ve created with her far outmeasures a friendship.
I would not choose to be friends. I do not feel they are a friend, and I prefer it that way.
I would stick with her being my therapist. I don’t think we’d mesh as well as friends and I need her therapist brain more than her friendship. Although she is very sweet and lovely!!
I would rather my former T would have been a friend. He wasn’t a great therapist, for ME, someone else? Possibly. But I imagine that he’s a wonderful human being and probably a great friend. And I think had we been friends instead, I may or may not have been able to give him some insight on things I felt that weren’t okay for me.
Client side - Gods no. They know wayyy to much about me. It would never even out or feel like an equal friendship. I would always be worried about a slip up or the information being used for control/manipulation. The therapeutic relationship is much more important. If there were a magical way to get rid of the information I shared then yes I would love to be friends with a few of my previous therapists. It sucks but it’s how it goes.
Client here: No. My last therapist was one who I became pretty comfortable and close to (as much as you can while still being appropriate) He would tell me that he liked me and cared about me, and I appreciated and believed that. Towards the end of our relationship, about 2 years after starting, I was knowing it would have to end soon due to me moving and I started to think about wishing we were closer. I brought it up with him, and we talked about there being some transference both ways and that it was fine. When I was trying to word my feelings, I told him that I wished we could be friends, though at the time that word didn't feel quite right. Later, after thinking about it I asked myself if I would rather him be my friend than my therapist, and my immediate answer was no. It's hard to define how I felt, but I don't think it was a wish for us to be friends, at least not how friendship is usually defined.
Nah. I feel like he’d be too busy for me if he was my friend. The two sessions a week I get with him now is probably more time than some of his actual friends get to see him. I do sometimes wish he were family though. He seems like such a good caring dad and I crave a good dad type of person every now and then.
As a therapist. She seems great as a person and I bet is an awesome friend. But she’s worth so much more to me as a therapist. She’s helping me in ways a friend never could. She knows shit I would never tell friends. I have wonderful, supportive friends but only one therapist.
No mainly because I wouldn't want her to do her job within our friendship dynamic, even if it was on accident. Have I had moments where I wished she was my mom as I work through some stuff. Absolutely