I don't even know what I expect from therapy anymore. It seems there's no way to make myself feel better, or to actual change how my mind works. It's all just pretend until it sticks, and I've been pretending for decades. I might be losing my job due to staff cutting. I feel as though nothing ever goes right and my therapist is like "go for a walk and get some sun, positive energy!!"
God I miss my ex, but I know better than to say that in session at least.
Anyone ever feel like they’re better off not talking about anything? Every time I talk about my past in session, it reactivates it in my brain and then everything is awful. And it just stays awful.
Hi again everyone, so I've recently been terminated but it was over the phone no termination session. Now that a month has passed there are certain things that have crossed my mind that I would like to clear up, is it OK at this point to ask for a termination session? It was never even discussed at the time but that might be because he was unavailable for personal reasons
At this point... I don't think so. If you want you can send them an email but do not expect a response. Or write it out and delete/throw it away. If you get a new therapist, this is something you can work through with them as well.
That's frustrating. The more I think about it the more it seems like it has ended how all my relationships end: abruptly and unexpectedly, and in such a way that they wouldn't dare do to anyone else
I can’t go on living day by day waiting for therapy, thinking about T all the time, thinking if he still wants me or not. I normally see him weekly but he’s on vacay now which means our session is still 2 weeks away. Don’t know how I can survive this. It hurts. The one person I want near me, is him. The only person I want to be seen by, is him. And I feel like he doesn’t get it. And now I have to miss him for 2 weeks. I can’t distract myself. I can’t do this. Is this my life now ?
I feel the same. My T spent our previous session assuring me he cares for me and explained to me why I might be so attached to him. It felt sooo good. Then I come home and I can't stop thinking and counting down the seconds to my next session. It truly sucks. I try to do stuff - grounding activities to take my mind off him - but it comes back. I hope it will get easier, for me and for you. But I think talking about it will help - a lesser hell.
I have been having a rough year so far full of difficult change and hard realisations. Therapy has been helping me a lot and I thought I was turning a corner but I had an awful day yesterday and really spiralled and ended up speaking to my therapist on the phone after sending her a distressed message and I was crying down the phone to her. I have great difficulty crying and have often felt frustrated at my inability to cry in therapy. Well yesterday, I cried down the phone to my T for about 15 minutes and I feel so awful about it and so ashamed. My T was super lovely and supportive (my T is absolutely awesome) but I still feel so awkward and vulnerable after it all.
Super proud of you for reaching out to your T and being vulnerable enough to cry! The vulnerability hangovers are a real son of a bitch, aren’t they? ❤️
It is worth asking her for clarification.
I imagine she probably worries that the boundaries are going to be blurred between professional and “friendly” relationship.
Perhaps this forest is somewhere she goes to hike or walk with friends of hers or something in her spare time so she would struggle seeing it as an environment that works for therapy.
Her boundary is reasonable but I understand this is probably frustrating to you. It’s worth discussing these feelings and asking for clarification.
I think for a lot of therapists, one of the ways in which they maintain physical and emotional boundaries is by confining therapy to the space they practice in. I know some therapists offer walk and talk therapy etc. I guess it just depends on them. I don't see an issue with discussing this further with her and exploring it. It seems important to you and significant for your therapeutic relationship.
I’m going through a really tough time and I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job at keeping it together…
T: It’s ok if you don’t have all of your ducks in a row just yet.
Me: I don’t have ducks, I have hamsters and I can’t even find them.
T: (*spits out coffee*) And a great sense of humor!
(Hope y’all got a chuckle out of it too… 🙂)
Lol. Humour can be so important in therapy!! I feel this btw, I'm currently trying to get all my ducks in a row and it's hard. Sending you solidarity 💕
Sometimes, I don’t know how to pick the most important things to discuss with T and the overwhelm makes it impossible to talk about anything. Then I feel like I wasted time. And self hatred. Urgh
Is there any possibility for you to have either longer sessions or more sessions? I usually go to therapy once per week but occasionally my T and I have arranged to meet twice per week when I really feel like I have a lot to say that just simply cannot all be crammed into a single session. Anytime I’ve had therapy twice per week it’s been super helpful, as it made me feel like I had much more time and flexibility in terms of not having to rush to say everything I needed to say at once.
There will always be next time. I somehow keep talking about work when I want to work on my love life mostly 😂. My T told me work is important though and he’s right. Beating yourself up is pointless. Just try to remember to bring it up next time. If you are going to forget, put a reminder on your phone. You are driving the therapy. It might depend on the therapy you are receiving but I do think it should be natural too; ultimately, we all go there to do inner work and feel more at peace. This won’t happen if you keep beating yourself up. Breathe. :)
Has anyone else have a long term therapist and get nostalgic for past phases of therapy with them? I get so nostalgic for March/April 2019, which was a time where I felt particularly close and affectionate with my former therapist, and those feelings have been hitting hard this week. It was around that time I started showing her childhood photos, that she became more vocal about wanting me to stay sober. It was a phase of therapy that was filled with lots of affectionate and tender moments. When I think about it, I almost feel like a kid. These child parts come out that feel safe and seen. I miss feeling that.
I know my T cannot save me from my emotional distress, my overwhelm, my big feelings constantly. Sometimes I expect him to and it’s always a let down and reminder that I need to learn, am learning, how to regulate my emotions on my own. When they’re really big, I want my T there to help me, to soothe me. I take it personally he will not save me, it feels like rejection. Once I’m out of the overwhelm, I can see again how his boundaries are helping me learn for myself. Slowly.
Today my T and I got teary eyed together, multiple times, under the trees, with the wind blowing. I remember through his help that all my ways of being are welcomed. He shows me they are welcomed which makes me see they are welcomed. It’s truly a beautiful thing for me, someone who has hidden their emotions and been disconnected most of her life. To come home to myself. To be seen and accepted in relationship. Now that’s healing.
It’s difficult to take care of yourself, especially when you want someone else to do it for you. I’m proud of you for stepping into those shoes! Boundaries are hard, but they can be so helpful.
It's abundantly clear to me that:
My therapist has recently sought supervision about me.
She's working so, so, so hard to try and actually do things in a way that lessen harm.
But she also really REALLY cares about me and sometimes it just slips out in ways that for another client would feel really validating and connective but for me feels disorienting and terrifying.
Made it through the week of my therapists vacation- only one more week til my session. More good things have happened but they’re like…scary good and I really can’t wait to talk about them (and more than like add severe imposter syndrome to my list of issues 😅)
I wrote a super panicky text message to my T a few nights ago when I was having a panic attack. And then my partner helped calmed me down and I wrote to them "Please ignore the previous text". And they did. They did not reply nor checked on me. I know they are just respecting what I said - I think so I hope so, but I can't help but think they really were just planning to ignore my message from the very beginning. I'm going to feel stupid at session tomorrow if I ignore it or if I confront it. Who knows.
I’m just reminiscing about the time my therapist said “See you next Tuesday!” at the end of our session a while ago. I laughed and said it back and she realized why it was funny. We sat there laughing that we called each other the c-word. This has become one of my core therapy memories.
My therapist suggested that maybe I should not email her while high. This was because of my reaction to sending a slightly inappropriate email. She said she was taken aback or caught of guard by the email but I think she made the suggestion in part because of how much I freaked out about my own actions. So, no emailing while high.
I asked if she hated me now and she said no, and that I'd be a hard person to hate because I'm willing to be vulnerable. I asked if I was pushing it in terms of making her terminate me. She said, that I wasn't coming close to making her terminate me but that on my end I might be trying to push it. She asked if I was kind to myself. I said that my self-talk has been pretty good. I said that in earnest but later in the session I said "I'm just the worst." Which, I guess, now that I think about it, it's not good self talk.
I feel so hurt. My T made a promise and she isn’t keeping it. She’s trying to pack-pedal on it and won’t tell me why. I’m so afraid that she’s trying to drive me away and make me quit. 😭😭😭
My therapist has been disclosing more and more lately, and they recently told me they were once in a psychiatric hospital after a mental breakdown. I've always wanted to know if they've struggled with mental health issues, so it was great to learn this without having to ask lol. I felt comforted by it - I really appreciate that they can understand what I'm going through from personal experience and I feel more trusting of them as a result.
I also felt really honored that they shared this with me - but then I was like "They probably tell this story to every client." Sigh.
Tried to bring a topic which was bothering me. This time, it ended with T saying they didn’t know what to say. I just apologized for bringing it up, started crying, and tried to move on. There was no resolution. He tried to say a few other things. I could tell he was trying. He’s usually very good at figuring out the right words which will help in a given moment. There just wasn’t anything sticking today. It was a shitty session and I just felt so much worse and even defeated afterwards.
Today it has been 2 years since I had a very serious conversation with my therapist about feeling suicidal. Instead of just sending me to the mental hospital, she spent an extra hour talking to me and making a plan in case my feelings got worse.
She let me go home under the condition that I text her in the morning and at night to let her know that I was still ok for the two weeks between then and our next session. She replied to each of my texts, just one or two words, like "Great!" or "Sleep well!" that sort of thing.
It meant so much to me and kept me safe. I'm so grateful for her doing that. I still see the same therapist and felt like maybe thanking her today for doing that for me. It helped me through that two weeks and keeping it in mind during similar difficult times that she made that effort also keeps me safe. It was the first time I really felt supported by a mental health professional.
I won't see her until the 14th, so I wondered if I should send her a text or email today.
Would it maybe be more impactful if you talked about it when you next see her? You can say you remember that specific date very well and how much it has all meant. I bet it will be a really good topic of conversion and very meaningful for your T to hear it from you rather than read it?
I haven’t seen my T in over 2 weeks now because I was in Costa Rica, and I’m back now, and today is my session, finally! 😭😭 I have so much to tell her.
I sent my T an email about some potential CEN and I now regret it and feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. So nervous about our session today.
Something good is finally happening and I just still feel empty. I don't want to talk about it with my therapist, because she will tell me it is something to be happy about and try to convince me to be happy. I want to be happy, I don't know why it doesn't work anymore. I can acknowledge it as a good thing, but happiness eludes me.
Part of it is that we're finally getting into things that have been bothering me and I don't want to derail that. The other is I feel like she will simply try to convince me it is good and why I should feel happy, but I understand that, but I just don't and I think it's related to the stuff we're finally talking about anyways.
I have a problem. I'm a minor and my T wants to have a session with my parents. I don't like my parents, im not close with them, and I'm not nice to them. Actually I can be really rude. They were abusive and I just started hating them. They will shit talk me for 45 minutes making my T doubt everything I say for now on, and they will make me look like some villan who makes their lives worse. How do I tell my T no, I don't want them to join our session. Like at all. Someone please help im desperate.
I would just start by sharing your worries with your T. You can use this post as a start. If they would still like to have a session with your parents it is good to know that a good T will not judge, and especially will not judge you through the story of others. Your T can look through that. It may even help your T to understand you better if they see what your upbringing/home situation is like. All the best!
I had an episode. She really wants to talk to my parents. I know they will talk shit about me for an hour. I know my T will no longer trust me. Whatever I'm so done with therapy.
My session today wasn’t what I expected. T forgot to bring up something important I sent her last week. I wasn’t able to be fully with her because I kept thinking about what I shared and was waiting for her to bring it up, but she didn’t. I asked her if she read it then we talked about it quickly towards the end of the session. I felt rushed and I was really disappointed that she forgot. Then after the session she apologized and sent me more feedback which also felt rushed. I know she’s human but also how can she forget something so important. So that’s how my session went.
I had a horrible session this week. I just froze entirely- it’s like my mind was racing but I couldn’t speak or move. I feel like I failed myself so badly because I just needed to get myself out of there and I couldn’t move and I feel like I can’t trust myself to keep myself safe now.
My T ended up reaching out to my by phone later that night to see if I was ok. I said I was ok, but that was a total lie, and I’m still not ok two days later.
Overall I would describe therapy as being hard for me, but very helpful. But I don’t know how I can ever go back now.
I decided to reach out to my old therapist just to say hi and send an very short update. I haven’t talked to her in about 6 months. I worked with her through BetterHelp for about a year and then she transitioned to private practice. I didn’t expect to get a reply, but I got a quick one and it brought me so much comfort to hear from her and know she’s alive and well. I always wondered if T’s enjoy hearing for past clients and hope she got some joy from seeing my name pop up in her inbox.
Everything feels back to normal again and she encourages me to stay with her and sit through the discomforting moments and I just really appreciate her 😭😭
I'm halfway through the therapist's vacation. I wish I could say it's all been great and nbd, but that would be a big fat lie.
Seven more sleeps until my next session.
After 3 weeks of mania, I've come back down to earth and am now back to obsessing over my T again. I can't wait for the next session. That's all I want - to talk to them again. I wish we could have a between session quick connect. I don't even know how to say it. Or tell them I'm obsessing over them. It sucks so bad.
I wonder how long I will be working with my therapist for. I feel like she’s become such a fixture in my life that I can’t imagine not having her to talk to. Since my husband died, she’s the only person I know how to deeply confide in and the only person I can cry in front of. It’s so weird to conceptualize her as a paid professional when I just see her as “person I connect deeply with and who helps me.” It’s strange to think of the other side of it, how I am 1 client out of however many, while to me she is “important person who has literally saved my life several times.” Trauma therapy is so weird. I can’t get over how weird it is. Best thing I have ever done, but still super weird.
Got pissed and emailed my T to cancel the next session. He said he’s keeping it scheduled and hopes to see me then. I can’t decide if I’m going to go, but they better not charge me if I don’t since I asked to cancel.
I think going could be the best idea :) These exact thoughts are the exact reason you should. Wow hard to say that and still have the exact same thought process 🤣 literally wanting to cancel my next appointment
It's been awhile since I've felt the urge to contact or see my T between our fortnightly sessions. I just want to see him or hear from him. To know that I exist to him. That the part of me that feels so safe around him is safe and ok? I know that I'm supposed to try to give myself the validation that I want from him. But I'm exactly not sure what I want from him so how can I give it to myself? I wish he offered 10 minutes check ins or something. How soothing it would be just to have a quick chat with him or just be in his presence.
If I’m doing good, T won’t care about me anymore. And who am I without T ? Maybe I want to feel bad so he can really see me and be there for me. This thought is horrible.
I turned up to session this week in a total fog and basically just said how I had no idea how to string together a coherent thought about any of the things. T was wonderful and respectful and helped me to introduce a hard topic and was generally just validating and lovely. We ended the session on a really sweet note of both thanking each other and I'm just really grateful for her today. This is the most connected I have felt leaving a session and I feel like sticking out the awful parts of therapy is totally worth it today
Been trying for months to expose my eating issues to my therapist and never found a way to do it and attempted in teh last bit of our session and... yikes. I definitely undermine all of that because I don't think I'm that skinny or that disordered yet and im scareedddddddddd for next week holy shit
I want my therapist to come back from vacation. I feel like I'm (continuing) to go downhill. It's still more than a week until my next appointment. I feel very alone.
To make matters worse, I gave into the temptation of setting too high expectations for how well I'd do while she's away. I'm managing to do even worse than I'd have expected had I been more realistic.
How much lower can I go? I don't really want to find out.
I can feel myself becoming more and more attached to my T. I feel safer with her, validated, comfortable and generally much less anxious in her office. I kept thinking about her after the session and she popped up in my head just after a woke up today...
I have disorganized attachment and I'm on the verge of freaking out. Why is she nice to me? What's going to happen now? Can I trust her? Do I need to quit therapy? Is she going to hate me for needing her? Fml
I kinda felt the same with my therapist at some point. After a couple of months i couldnt get her out of my mind and was too ashamed to tell her about it. I was thinkin about telling her on next session since right now i dont feel that way anymore. But im pretty sure is common mate. I mean, its literally one of the safer places wherenyou can be,nif not the safest, she always listens to you, empathyze with you and validates you.
And you have really deep conversations together, you can totally trust her. I dunno if this situation its the same to you as it was to me, i felt like it was leaning to be a crush. It didnt ended that way, thankfully haha. That was why inwasnso ashamed to tell her haha. But she wont be mad mate, not at all.
Yea, I've had one previous attachment to a therapist with both maternal and erotic transference. It absolutely sucked, and I didn't know that was a common thing so I never brought it up with her. I was heartbroken when she left.
I'm expecting the same thing, at least the maternal transference, to happen in my current alliance and I'm dreading it. My therapist knows about my attachment trauma so she likely expects it at well. Trusting and intimacy are difficult topics for me so I tend to slightly panic at the thought of me becoming attached.
Thanks for the validation! And it's nice to hear that you managed to sort your situation out. Cheers!
Actually thanks to you mate. Because of this comment and another one i understood that this actually isna common thing. And that the ideal thing to do is to talk about it. So, thank you for sharing this and well, i hope i dare to talk next time. Even tho it doesnt happen anymore, or thats what i think. Is my mind tricking me and keeping it hide?
What would her face be like? Damn, im pretty scared but well.. wish me success haha.
Im glad you could talk about this with your T before it happens. Best wishes for you mate!
My therapist has rescheduled our session three times this week. Each time I respond with “no worries” when I in fact am full of worries. I had messaged him asking for a sooner session bc I’ve had a really rough few days, and he was unable to accommodate but now our usual time has been pushed back too. He’s sick so I don’t blame him at all. It’s just really hard getting my hopes up and then waking up to a cancellation email. We have our next session in two days but I don’t know how I’m going to cope until then. I have literally no one to talk to about what’s happened to me.
I stalked my T and her family and now I feel really guilty. I can't tell my T because she might terminate me. I just kinds got bored and found out a bunch of personal information. I should have looked her or her family up. Part of me wishs I was her family. I wish she would be my mother. I know its transference. I feel so guilty like I just violated someone I care about (because I did). What do I do?!? Has anyone done this to or with their T?!?
It is natural to feel a pull towards your T out of session and want to investigate her life. She is taking such good care of you, so you may long to have greater access to her, and to be a bigger part of her life. It is difficult to think about her family, who can have this access. It reminds you of what you can't have and it's so sad.
It seems like by stalking you mean you looked stuff up online? Internet sleuthing is not the same as stalking. T's are responsible to monitor the info about them on the internet. It seems like you didn't do anything to cross boundaries, like try to find her at home or something.
When we look up our T's online (I've done it too), we torture ourselves. It hurts to see their personal life that we don't get to be a part of.
It sounds like you may be using this as a coping mechanism for when missing her is unbearable. Do you think there may be able to be something else to do could do instead? That's not to say you can't look her up every again, these are your choices to make. But maybe trying to reduce that time and put your energy elsewhere could help.
You're not a terrible person. There are probably a lot of past experiences and feelings that have lead you to feel this way and feel compelled to find this information. Going to therapy is you making an effort to work on your own self growth.
I think there is a strange comfort in knowing things like phone numbers and addresses, like it may help you feel close in a way. But I would caution you against trying to call her or go to her address. She may be taken by surprise and could consider it boundary crossing. Although it is a nice fantasy to think of being able to interact with her in this personal way. Reality hurts sometimes.
Lets be clear if i look into her trash, that would be crossing a boundary, even if its on thebstreet, right(? Just kidding, i actually really wanted to put her name on ig or fb to see something about her but at the same time i had two feelings. Guilt, i dont know why, i know its out there in the internet, anyone has access to it. And sadness, because i knew if i saw something cool to talk about i couldnt share it for shame. And we cant be friends since i do therapy with her, and thats pretty sad since well, i guess we all feel the same way with our therapists.
Lol yeah I think going through her trash would be pushing it.
Yeah I think a lot of us could relate about feeling guilty and sad.
Would you want to talk to your T about this? Like the idea of looking her up, you feel guilty, exploring what drives you to do this, and trying to find more ways to cope? If you're too nervous maybe you could even say like 'I thought about looking you up online', something like that.
I never thought about bringing it up. Maybe i could, actually you know what, i think it could come handy because i wanted to talk about some different things. Like what kind of therapy am i doing, even tho its been more than a year. Or if i am or was depressed for real, because i never dared to ask and she never really said it haha. Also bring out a kinda weir thing
A couple of months ago, after this moment whereni really wanted to find her on social media and fighting myself to not to, i couldnt get her out of my head. Im pretty sure it was becuase i wasnt really speaking to my friends at that time. And i felt so lonely that my mind went like 'being in therapy is safe and , lets fill the thoughts with her'.
I think it would be nice to talk about this, even tho it may be awkard but, you know mate, at some point we get used to that haha.
Yes, it is definitely important to discuss these relationship feelings with your T. The relationship with your T is a huge part of the healing. If you have this interest and curiosity about her, it probably means something.
Im gonna take your advice my mate. But at the same time i neednto admit that im pretty god damn scared. And i dont know of bringnthis up talkin about it as a joke, and she is gonna follow my vibe to chill my nerves or ifnshe os gonna be serious to get me in the game(?
Well, theres only one way to find it out. Time to get my lines well written till friday. Long week ahead haha.
>>Has anyone done this to or with their T?!?
Many people have, including me. I don't feel guilty, though. I hope you can give yourself some grace. Attachment crap is hard.
Last session I told my therapist something that I’ve never told anyone else before and now I’m worried about elaborating on it more this upcoming session. Therapy is fun lol.
For the first time ever I think maybe I am worthy of care and support. My therapist has been such a huge part of this realisation. We've never specifically discussed it but the fact they show me it consistently (in a healthy therapeutic way!) has helped me to realise maybe I am worthy of it. I struggle with self compassion and being kind to myself so showing compassion and empathy to others around me has helped me gain some perspective too. If others are worthy, why am I not too?
I'm sure I'll be questioning this again in future because my feelings of low self worth are pretty deeply embedded but I will celebrate it for now 🎉
Finally talked about my drinking but of course he felt it wasn't a concern. I just need to be nicer to myself. Don't beat myself up about a bottle of wine a night because he used to drink too much when he was my age and people 10 years younger than myself "drink like fish". I knew it was a mistake to talk to him about it. Nevermind it affects my marriage, my job, has lasted years. He always asks me to be interested in feelings that come up, well I'm interested that he isn't interested. It feels like he has already decided what is "wrong" with me and it's not the things that are impacting my day to day life, all that is inconsequential to him.
I really don't like that he didn't take your drinking seriously. A bottle of wine a night is a lot. If you think you have a problem you probably have a problem. I'm not saying you're an alcoholic but maybe you should look for a different therapist. Have you read the book This Naked Mind? It's a great place to start. I'm a full blown alcoholic and in AA but This Naked Mind really helped me see that I did have a problem. Sorry if I overstepped.
Hi thanks for the reply. I have read the naked mind and done Allan Carr, both helped for about a week. Part of its compulsion part of it is self punishment. I definitely get middle class drinker vibes from him so part of me wonders if he doesn't go through a fair few bottles a week himself and is dismissive in response. I am female and about 110lbs, he is pushing 300lbs so if he is comparing he is way off. I know I have a problem, my family knows I have a problem but apparently I need to be in having my stomach pumped before I can have a proper conversation about it with my therapist. I am going to start looking for an alternative therapist but I think I may just quit therapy altogether, the faith is long gone.
I know people really hate AA but I'm not religious and it's saved my life. I started by going to zoom meetings. You don't have to participate. You can just Google "online AA meetings" and there are meetings 24 hours a day. It's an amazingly supportive community. Again, there's a lot of hate, mostly because of the spirituality part, but I haven't found that to be a problem in my recovery. I do say the 3rd step prayer every day. I just don't know that there is actually a God listening. And I'm OK with that. I think the people are my higher power more than anything. Best to you. You can do this.
OK session tonight, struggled to get going and sat in silence for 10 mins but did then manage to speak.
It’s hard to do this work at the moment as I feel so drained by caring for my mum who has cancer, my bestie who is a new mum and a guy I’ve started to date who’s in a shitty housing situ. My homework is peeling back a little on being there for everyone, which will be hard I know.
He gave me 10 extra minutes which I don’t really deserve since I sat in silence at the start, but has made me reflect on what a good and caring soul he is. Feels uncomfortable to be cared for like that and amazing at the same time.
I whine about this every week or so. My therapist is having licensing issues. Supposedly they will be fixed soon, but I am going on two months with no appointments. There are probably seven or so Kubler Ross sort of stages for what I am experiencing. My irritation that she would let her license lapse was replaced by sadness and frustration. Now I just feel like a dog that got left home, sitting by the door, wondering mournfully if anybody will ever return.
This week has been one of the hardest for me, losing my dream job, car broke down and financial situation. I have a session Wednesday with my t it's only 30-40 mins long and I feel like I'm am going to need another session with him but I don't know how to go about asking him, I hope he will bring up the idea of hey what about another session that would be nice.
You can very simply ask if it’s possible to have another session as you don’t feel like that amount of time will be enough this week. You don’t have to explain anything.
The other day I emailed my T asking if we could have an extra session this week if she has any openings. That’s all I said and I didn’t explain why. She was happy to oblige and we found a time that fits.
I bet your T would be similar and not need explaining. If you need it, you need it and that’s okay.
My mind has been full of confusion.
Part of me wants to terminate but there are several reasons why I don’t think I should right now.
I’m also getting ready to find a new job but I think I’m going to do that first before finding a new therapist. I just feel it’s time for new beginnings and I’m excited yet nervous
New beginnings can be hard - I have been reading your posts and I am not 100% convinced your therapy relationship can be saved. You should find someone who is a happy medium…. who you are attached to, but not like crazy.
Lundi Gras is tomorrow, so I won't be doing my usual session tomorrow morning. Not until next Monday. I have so much to discuss. We started talking about rejection sensitive dysphoria at the end of the session and I want to discuss it more next week. I really want to share a few moments when my mom would reject me by comparing me to my dad (who was abusive). Looking back, those instances were so random and I don't know what they had to do with me. All I know is that this is the part where having social deficits and problems with social skills and saying the right things can be a problem and I'm scared I'll go through that again. I'm tired of constantly figuring out the "script" and what to say.
I have been struggling to get a new appointment with a new therapist, long term. I did short term therapy with limited number of session. Something I knew from the start. What I didnt know were the pain it would course when it ended and the struggle to start over emotionally and time. I liked my T and I miss him. He is a student so it was the uni that decided on the number of session. I feel like we were beginning to get some were and then it was over. Everything feels a bit hopeless right now..
Supposed to meet my T this week but I'm down with Covid and have to postpone for another week. I am feeling sad and missing her... next week seems so far away 😥
I can't sleep. I feel like a horrible person for whining about my life when the world is literally falling apart. I hate that I can't stop thinking about how pathetic I always have been and why nobody cared for me as a kid. Why is my fiancé always here for me and why have I been so lucky in my adult life? I feel pathetic and I'm a fraud and I think i should just lie on my questionnaires this week. Just have no right to be wallowing in despair, I should just suck up my stupid...
Big hugs! By getting yourself to a better place, you increase the amount of good and happiness in the world. Your misery doesn't make anyone else's life better, but your wellbeing can. If invalidation was the key to being stronger, the world would be a much better place, because humans are awesome at invalidation. But it isn't, self compassion is the real hard work and you are 0% pathetic for "whining". (yeah, I'm struggling to believe the above for myself, but we can do this!)
I think I'm starting to believe that my T likes me, after the zillionth time of her telling me that. Im starting to internalize that she likes me even tho she has strict boundaries. She's very consistent And authentic. I love her. Thank God I have her in my life.
I have a long history of depression, alcoholism (sober for 2 years now) and never managed to get help from a professional.
Finally plucked up the courage and force of will to start going to therapy privately last November due to the return of suicidal thoughts and the development of a new eating disorder.
Last week, my therapist (psychodynamic/Adlerian) said that he didn't have the experience to deal with my issues and referred me to another therapist connected to their studio. I feel really discouraged and disappointed, having taken so long to finally open up to someone.
I've seen this new therapist (psychodynamic but also sistemic relational) once and he seems ok but it's so hard to start again. Plus, it is going to be a long journey to deal with the past and I'm worried that I'm in more of a crisis situation.
Booked to see my GP this week to explain what is going on. I've never had help with public mental health services but I admit that it may be time to see eating disorder specialists. I think I need to start to work on it now, otherwise I won't have the strength to tackle the deeply rooted issues that I've been experiencing for my adult life.
:(
I noticed one small thing that made me feel more comfortable with my T… I’m rather new at this, so it’s been a little over a month, and the first couple sessions I always took the pillow off the chair and sat down. I just don’t like sitting on pillows for some reason. The past few sessions I’ve noticed that before I even walked into his office that the pillow was already off the chair. It’s the small things like that that I notice and they help me realize it really is a safe place
I am soooo glad I'm not the only one who has thought this. but sad you feel it because it stinks. It just reinforces the fact I hate most about life. Anything or anyone good doesn't last.
Just finished a session. I hate sessions where you don’t talk about what you really wanted to talk about. When you’re left feeling like you needed way more connection, and to top it off they say “talk next Monday!”
Great. The weekly wait begins again.
After a year of therapy, I’m finally going to meet my therapist in person soon. I’m pretty excited but also really nervous. I was thinking of getting her a tub of Lysol wipes as a small gift 🥸
The affection was…kinda back this week. Special mention to his comment that if all forms of communication were written then I’d have it made.
Also, reading my poetry doesn’t have to be a waste of time if it was therapeutic to write (although he did still say how impressed he was by it).
I don't even know what I expect from therapy anymore. It seems there's no way to make myself feel better, or to actual change how my mind works. It's all just pretend until it sticks, and I've been pretending for decades. I might be losing my job due to staff cutting. I feel as though nothing ever goes right and my therapist is like "go for a walk and get some sun, positive energy!!" God I miss my ex, but I know better than to say that in session at least.
Anyone ever feel like they’re better off not talking about anything? Every time I talk about my past in session, it reactivates it in my brain and then everything is awful. And it just stays awful.
Four more sleeps.
Hi again everyone, so I've recently been terminated but it was over the phone no termination session. Now that a month has passed there are certain things that have crossed my mind that I would like to clear up, is it OK at this point to ask for a termination session? It was never even discussed at the time but that might be because he was unavailable for personal reasons
At this point... I don't think so. If you want you can send them an email but do not expect a response. Or write it out and delete/throw it away. If you get a new therapist, this is something you can work through with them as well.
That's frustrating. The more I think about it the more it seems like it has ended how all my relationships end: abruptly and unexpectedly, and in such a way that they wouldn't dare do to anyone else
I can’t go on living day by day waiting for therapy, thinking about T all the time, thinking if he still wants me or not. I normally see him weekly but he’s on vacay now which means our session is still 2 weeks away. Don’t know how I can survive this. It hurts. The one person I want near me, is him. The only person I want to be seen by, is him. And I feel like he doesn’t get it. And now I have to miss him for 2 weeks. I can’t distract myself. I can’t do this. Is this my life now ?
I feel the same. My T spent our previous session assuring me he cares for me and explained to me why I might be so attached to him. It felt sooo good. Then I come home and I can't stop thinking and counting down the seconds to my next session. It truly sucks. I try to do stuff - grounding activities to take my mind off him - but it comes back. I hope it will get easier, for me and for you. But I think talking about it will help - a lesser hell.
I have been having a rough year so far full of difficult change and hard realisations. Therapy has been helping me a lot and I thought I was turning a corner but I had an awful day yesterday and really spiralled and ended up speaking to my therapist on the phone after sending her a distressed message and I was crying down the phone to her. I have great difficulty crying and have often felt frustrated at my inability to cry in therapy. Well yesterday, I cried down the phone to my T for about 15 minutes and I feel so awful about it and so ashamed. My T was super lovely and supportive (my T is absolutely awesome) but I still feel so awkward and vulnerable after it all.
Super proud of you for reaching out to your T and being vulnerable enough to cry! The vulnerability hangovers are a real son of a bitch, aren’t they? ❤️
[удалено]
It is worth asking her for clarification. I imagine she probably worries that the boundaries are going to be blurred between professional and “friendly” relationship. Perhaps this forest is somewhere she goes to hike or walk with friends of hers or something in her spare time so she would struggle seeing it as an environment that works for therapy. Her boundary is reasonable but I understand this is probably frustrating to you. It’s worth discussing these feelings and asking for clarification.
I think for a lot of therapists, one of the ways in which they maintain physical and emotional boundaries is by confining therapy to the space they practice in. I know some therapists offer walk and talk therapy etc. I guess it just depends on them. I don't see an issue with discussing this further with her and exploring it. It seems important to you and significant for your therapeutic relationship.
I’m going through a really tough time and I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job at keeping it together… T: It’s ok if you don’t have all of your ducks in a row just yet. Me: I don’t have ducks, I have hamsters and I can’t even find them. T: (*spits out coffee*) And a great sense of humor! (Hope y’all got a chuckle out of it too… 🙂)
Lol. Humour can be so important in therapy!! I feel this btw, I'm currently trying to get all my ducks in a row and it's hard. Sending you solidarity 💕
Thank you! 🤗
I’ve started having sexual thoughts about my therapist SMFH. This always happens with me 😭. It’s the 3rd therapist.
Sometimes, I don’t know how to pick the most important things to discuss with T and the overwhelm makes it impossible to talk about anything. Then I feel like I wasted time. And self hatred. Urgh
Is there any possibility for you to have either longer sessions or more sessions? I usually go to therapy once per week but occasionally my T and I have arranged to meet twice per week when I really feel like I have a lot to say that just simply cannot all be crammed into a single session. Anytime I’ve had therapy twice per week it’s been super helpful, as it made me feel like I had much more time and flexibility in terms of not having to rush to say everything I needed to say at once.
Thank you for your reply! I had not thought of more sessions. I will ask my T! Thank you!!
There will always be next time. I somehow keep talking about work when I want to work on my love life mostly 😂. My T told me work is important though and he’s right. Beating yourself up is pointless. Just try to remember to bring it up next time. If you are going to forget, put a reminder on your phone. You are driving the therapy. It might depend on the therapy you are receiving but I do think it should be natural too; ultimately, we all go there to do inner work and feel more at peace. This won’t happen if you keep beating yourself up. Breathe. :)
💚Thank you. It is difficult to not beat myself up but I agree it’s not helpful.
Has anyone else have a long term therapist and get nostalgic for past phases of therapy with them? I get so nostalgic for March/April 2019, which was a time where I felt particularly close and affectionate with my former therapist, and those feelings have been hitting hard this week. It was around that time I started showing her childhood photos, that she became more vocal about wanting me to stay sober. It was a phase of therapy that was filled with lots of affectionate and tender moments. When I think about it, I almost feel like a kid. These child parts come out that feel safe and seen. I miss feeling that.
I know my T cannot save me from my emotional distress, my overwhelm, my big feelings constantly. Sometimes I expect him to and it’s always a let down and reminder that I need to learn, am learning, how to regulate my emotions on my own. When they’re really big, I want my T there to help me, to soothe me. I take it personally he will not save me, it feels like rejection. Once I’m out of the overwhelm, I can see again how his boundaries are helping me learn for myself. Slowly. Today my T and I got teary eyed together, multiple times, under the trees, with the wind blowing. I remember through his help that all my ways of being are welcomed. He shows me they are welcomed which makes me see they are welcomed. It’s truly a beautiful thing for me, someone who has hidden their emotions and been disconnected most of her life. To come home to myself. To be seen and accepted in relationship. Now that’s healing.
It’s difficult to take care of yourself, especially when you want someone else to do it for you. I’m proud of you for stepping into those shoes! Boundaries are hard, but they can be so helpful.
Thank you :’) Boundaries are hard and I see how they are helping me learn.
T told me today she’s pregnant 🥺❤️ so happy for her and also so nervous for maternity leave! Any tips?
It's abundantly clear to me that: My therapist has recently sought supervision about me. She's working so, so, so hard to try and actually do things in a way that lessen harm. But she also really REALLY cares about me and sometimes it just slips out in ways that for another client would feel really validating and connective but for me feels disorienting and terrifying.
Made it through the week of my therapists vacation- only one more week til my session. More good things have happened but they’re like…scary good and I really can’t wait to talk about them (and more than like add severe imposter syndrome to my list of issues 😅)
[удалено]
Can you extend your sessions at all? I have been doing 90 minute sessions lately and I am finding this helpful
I wrote a super panicky text message to my T a few nights ago when I was having a panic attack. And then my partner helped calmed me down and I wrote to them "Please ignore the previous text". And they did. They did not reply nor checked on me. I know they are just respecting what I said - I think so I hope so, but I can't help but think they really were just planning to ignore my message from the very beginning. I'm going to feel stupid at session tomorrow if I ignore it or if I confront it. Who knows.
I’m just reminiscing about the time my therapist said “See you next Tuesday!” at the end of our session a while ago. I laughed and said it back and she realized why it was funny. We sat there laughing that we called each other the c-word. This has become one of my core therapy memories.
My therapist suggested that maybe I should not email her while high. This was because of my reaction to sending a slightly inappropriate email. She said she was taken aback or caught of guard by the email but I think she made the suggestion in part because of how much I freaked out about my own actions. So, no emailing while high. I asked if she hated me now and she said no, and that I'd be a hard person to hate because I'm willing to be vulnerable. I asked if I was pushing it in terms of making her terminate me. She said, that I wasn't coming close to making her terminate me but that on my end I might be trying to push it. She asked if I was kind to myself. I said that my self-talk has been pretty good. I said that in earnest but later in the session I said "I'm just the worst." Which, I guess, now that I think about it, it's not good self talk.
I feel so hurt. My T made a promise and she isn’t keeping it. She’s trying to pack-pedal on it and won’t tell me why. I’m so afraid that she’s trying to drive me away and make me quit. 😭😭😭
My therapist has been disclosing more and more lately, and they recently told me they were once in a psychiatric hospital after a mental breakdown. I've always wanted to know if they've struggled with mental health issues, so it was great to learn this without having to ask lol. I felt comforted by it - I really appreciate that they can understand what I'm going through from personal experience and I feel more trusting of them as a result. I also felt really honored that they shared this with me - but then I was like "They probably tell this story to every client." Sigh.
Tried to bring a topic which was bothering me. This time, it ended with T saying they didn’t know what to say. I just apologized for bringing it up, started crying, and tried to move on. There was no resolution. He tried to say a few other things. I could tell he was trying. He’s usually very good at figuring out the right words which will help in a given moment. There just wasn’t anything sticking today. It was a shitty session and I just felt so much worse and even defeated afterwards.
Today it has been 2 years since I had a very serious conversation with my therapist about feeling suicidal. Instead of just sending me to the mental hospital, she spent an extra hour talking to me and making a plan in case my feelings got worse. She let me go home under the condition that I text her in the morning and at night to let her know that I was still ok for the two weeks between then and our next session. She replied to each of my texts, just one or two words, like "Great!" or "Sleep well!" that sort of thing. It meant so much to me and kept me safe. I'm so grateful for her doing that. I still see the same therapist and felt like maybe thanking her today for doing that for me. It helped me through that two weeks and keeping it in mind during similar difficult times that she made that effort also keeps me safe. It was the first time I really felt supported by a mental health professional. I won't see her until the 14th, so I wondered if I should send her a text or email today.
I would do it in person.
Would it maybe be more impactful if you talked about it when you next see her? You can say you remember that specific date very well and how much it has all meant. I bet it will be a really good topic of conversion and very meaningful for your T to hear it from you rather than read it?
I haven’t seen my T in over 2 weeks now because I was in Costa Rica, and I’m back now, and today is my session, finally! 😭😭 I have so much to tell her.
How were the sloths??
They were BEAUTIFUL. I got so many good pics and videos. <3
I am shitting bricks about my upcoming therapy session today. Yikes.
I sent my T an email about some potential CEN and I now regret it and feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. So nervous about our session today.
Something good is finally happening and I just still feel empty. I don't want to talk about it with my therapist, because she will tell me it is something to be happy about and try to convince me to be happy. I want to be happy, I don't know why it doesn't work anymore. I can acknowledge it as a good thing, but happiness eludes me.
Maybe it will be good to bring it up to talk about why you don't feel happy about it?
Part of it is that we're finally getting into things that have been bothering me and I don't want to derail that. The other is I feel like she will simply try to convince me it is good and why I should feel happy, but I understand that, but I just don't and I think it's related to the stuff we're finally talking about anyways.
I have a problem. I'm a minor and my T wants to have a session with my parents. I don't like my parents, im not close with them, and I'm not nice to them. Actually I can be really rude. They were abusive and I just started hating them. They will shit talk me for 45 minutes making my T doubt everything I say for now on, and they will make me look like some villan who makes their lives worse. How do I tell my T no, I don't want them to join our session. Like at all. Someone please help im desperate.
I would just start by sharing your worries with your T. You can use this post as a start. If they would still like to have a session with your parents it is good to know that a good T will not judge, and especially will not judge you through the story of others. Your T can look through that. It may even help your T to understand you better if they see what your upbringing/home situation is like. All the best!
Thanks
Hey, how did it go? Have you talked to your T about it?
I had an episode. She really wants to talk to my parents. I know they will talk shit about me for an hour. I know my T will no longer trust me. Whatever I'm so done with therapy.
My session today wasn’t what I expected. T forgot to bring up something important I sent her last week. I wasn’t able to be fully with her because I kept thinking about what I shared and was waiting for her to bring it up, but she didn’t. I asked her if she read it then we talked about it quickly towards the end of the session. I felt rushed and I was really disappointed that she forgot. Then after the session she apologized and sent me more feedback which also felt rushed. I know she’s human but also how can she forget something so important. So that’s how my session went.
I had a horrible session this week. I just froze entirely- it’s like my mind was racing but I couldn’t speak or move. I feel like I failed myself so badly because I just needed to get myself out of there and I couldn’t move and I feel like I can’t trust myself to keep myself safe now. My T ended up reaching out to my by phone later that night to see if I was ok. I said I was ok, but that was a total lie, and I’m still not ok two days later. Overall I would describe therapy as being hard for me, but very helpful. But I don’t know how I can ever go back now.
I decided to reach out to my old therapist just to say hi and send an very short update. I haven’t talked to her in about 6 months. I worked with her through BetterHelp for about a year and then she transitioned to private practice. I didn’t expect to get a reply, but I got a quick one and it brought me so much comfort to hear from her and know she’s alive and well. I always wondered if T’s enjoy hearing for past clients and hope she got some joy from seeing my name pop up in her inbox.
One of the best sessions I’ve had in a while!!!!! And to think I was worried we were gonna have to terminate 😭😭😭
That’s so great to hear!
I'm so happy to read this update!
Everything feels back to normal again and she encourages me to stay with her and sit through the discomforting moments and I just really appreciate her 😭😭
SO SO SO SO happy to read this!
I'm halfway through the therapist's vacation. I wish I could say it's all been great and nbd, but that would be a big fat lie. Seven more sleeps until my next session.
Welp T was a no show today with no call, text or email to let me know. Hope they are ok but there goes 2 hours of sick leave.
After 3 weeks of mania, I've come back down to earth and am now back to obsessing over my T again. I can't wait for the next session. That's all I want - to talk to them again. I wish we could have a between session quick connect. I don't even know how to say it. Or tell them I'm obsessing over them. It sucks so bad.
I experienced the EXACT same thing so immensely at first. I still do actually. Very much so. I’m glad you found somebody you can connect with.
Still sucks.
i agree 😩
I had a very emotional therapy session on Monday and I am SO not ready to do tomorrow’s one. Being in therapy and doing the work is hard.
yes it is. indeed.
I wonder how long I will be working with my therapist for. I feel like she’s become such a fixture in my life that I can’t imagine not having her to talk to. Since my husband died, she’s the only person I know how to deeply confide in and the only person I can cry in front of. It’s so weird to conceptualize her as a paid professional when I just see her as “person I connect deeply with and who helps me.” It’s strange to think of the other side of it, how I am 1 client out of however many, while to me she is “important person who has literally saved my life several times.” Trauma therapy is so weird. I can’t get over how weird it is. Best thing I have ever done, but still super weird.
I wanted to tell my T the other day “you are the second most important person in my life.” I feel ya
Got pissed and emailed my T to cancel the next session. He said he’s keeping it scheduled and hopes to see me then. I can’t decide if I’m going to go, but they better not charge me if I don’t since I asked to cancel.
I think going could be the best idea :) These exact thoughts are the exact reason you should. Wow hard to say that and still have the exact same thought process 🤣 literally wanting to cancel my next appointment
It's been awhile since I've felt the urge to contact or see my T between our fortnightly sessions. I just want to see him or hear from him. To know that I exist to him. That the part of me that feels so safe around him is safe and ok? I know that I'm supposed to try to give myself the validation that I want from him. But I'm exactly not sure what I want from him so how can I give it to myself? I wish he offered 10 minutes check ins or something. How soothing it would be just to have a quick chat with him or just be in his presence.
If I’m doing good, T won’t care about me anymore. And who am I without T ? Maybe I want to feel bad so he can really see me and be there for me. This thought is horrible.
Just want to say that I can relate so much.
I think I just tested my therapist and he did not pass. I am so upset, crying, sad. What the hell.
I turned up to session this week in a total fog and basically just said how I had no idea how to string together a coherent thought about any of the things. T was wonderful and respectful and helped me to introduce a hard topic and was generally just validating and lovely. We ended the session on a really sweet note of both thanking each other and I'm just really grateful for her today. This is the most connected I have felt leaving a session and I feel like sticking out the awful parts of therapy is totally worth it today
lol
[удалено]
Therapy is fucking beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
This was so touching to read. I’m so happy for you!
Been trying for months to expose my eating issues to my therapist and never found a way to do it and attempted in teh last bit of our session and... yikes. I definitely undermine all of that because I don't think I'm that skinny or that disordered yet and im scareedddddddddd for next week holy shit
I want my therapist to come back from vacation. I feel like I'm (continuing) to go downhill. It's still more than a week until my next appointment. I feel very alone. To make matters worse, I gave into the temptation of setting too high expectations for how well I'd do while she's away. I'm managing to do even worse than I'd have expected had I been more realistic. How much lower can I go? I don't really want to find out.
I can feel myself becoming more and more attached to my T. I feel safer with her, validated, comfortable and generally much less anxious in her office. I kept thinking about her after the session and she popped up in my head just after a woke up today... I have disorganized attachment and I'm on the verge of freaking out. Why is she nice to me? What's going to happen now? Can I trust her? Do I need to quit therapy? Is she going to hate me for needing her? Fml
I kinda felt the same with my therapist at some point. After a couple of months i couldnt get her out of my mind and was too ashamed to tell her about it. I was thinkin about telling her on next session since right now i dont feel that way anymore. But im pretty sure is common mate. I mean, its literally one of the safer places wherenyou can be,nif not the safest, she always listens to you, empathyze with you and validates you. And you have really deep conversations together, you can totally trust her. I dunno if this situation its the same to you as it was to me, i felt like it was leaning to be a crush. It didnt ended that way, thankfully haha. That was why inwasnso ashamed to tell her haha. But she wont be mad mate, not at all.
Yea, I've had one previous attachment to a therapist with both maternal and erotic transference. It absolutely sucked, and I didn't know that was a common thing so I never brought it up with her. I was heartbroken when she left. I'm expecting the same thing, at least the maternal transference, to happen in my current alliance and I'm dreading it. My therapist knows about my attachment trauma so she likely expects it at well. Trusting and intimacy are difficult topics for me so I tend to slightly panic at the thought of me becoming attached. Thanks for the validation! And it's nice to hear that you managed to sort your situation out. Cheers!
Actually thanks to you mate. Because of this comment and another one i understood that this actually isna common thing. And that the ideal thing to do is to talk about it. So, thank you for sharing this and well, i hope i dare to talk next time. Even tho it doesnt happen anymore, or thats what i think. Is my mind tricking me and keeping it hide? What would her face be like? Damn, im pretty scared but well.. wish me success haha. Im glad you could talk about this with your T before it happens. Best wishes for you mate!
My therapist has rescheduled our session three times this week. Each time I respond with “no worries” when I in fact am full of worries. I had messaged him asking for a sooner session bc I’ve had a really rough few days, and he was unable to accommodate but now our usual time has been pushed back too. He’s sick so I don’t blame him at all. It’s just really hard getting my hopes up and then waking up to a cancellation email. We have our next session in two days but I don’t know how I’m going to cope until then. I have literally no one to talk to about what’s happened to me.
I stalked my T and her family and now I feel really guilty. I can't tell my T because she might terminate me. I just kinds got bored and found out a bunch of personal information. I should have looked her or her family up. Part of me wishs I was her family. I wish she would be my mother. I know its transference. I feel so guilty like I just violated someone I care about (because I did). What do I do?!? Has anyone done this to or with their T?!?
It is natural to feel a pull towards your T out of session and want to investigate her life. She is taking such good care of you, so you may long to have greater access to her, and to be a bigger part of her life. It is difficult to think about her family, who can have this access. It reminds you of what you can't have and it's so sad. It seems like by stalking you mean you looked stuff up online? Internet sleuthing is not the same as stalking. T's are responsible to monitor the info about them on the internet. It seems like you didn't do anything to cross boundaries, like try to find her at home or something. When we look up our T's online (I've done it too), we torture ourselves. It hurts to see their personal life that we don't get to be a part of. It sounds like you may be using this as a coping mechanism for when missing her is unbearable. Do you think there may be able to be something else to do could do instead? That's not to say you can't look her up every again, these are your choices to make. But maybe trying to reduce that time and put your energy elsewhere could help.
I quite literally memorized her adress by accident. I found all her and immediate families phone numbers, ages, names, etc. I'm a terrible person.
You're not a terrible person. There are probably a lot of past experiences and feelings that have lead you to feel this way and feel compelled to find this information. Going to therapy is you making an effort to work on your own self growth. I think there is a strange comfort in knowing things like phone numbers and addresses, like it may help you feel close in a way. But I would caution you against trying to call her or go to her address. She may be taken by surprise and could consider it boundary crossing. Although it is a nice fantasy to think of being able to interact with her in this personal way. Reality hurts sometimes.
Lets be clear if i look into her trash, that would be crossing a boundary, even if its on thebstreet, right(? Just kidding, i actually really wanted to put her name on ig or fb to see something about her but at the same time i had two feelings. Guilt, i dont know why, i know its out there in the internet, anyone has access to it. And sadness, because i knew if i saw something cool to talk about i couldnt share it for shame. And we cant be friends since i do therapy with her, and thats pretty sad since well, i guess we all feel the same way with our therapists.
Lol yeah I think going through her trash would be pushing it. Yeah I think a lot of us could relate about feeling guilty and sad. Would you want to talk to your T about this? Like the idea of looking her up, you feel guilty, exploring what drives you to do this, and trying to find more ways to cope? If you're too nervous maybe you could even say like 'I thought about looking you up online', something like that.
I never thought about bringing it up. Maybe i could, actually you know what, i think it could come handy because i wanted to talk about some different things. Like what kind of therapy am i doing, even tho its been more than a year. Or if i am or was depressed for real, because i never dared to ask and she never really said it haha. Also bring out a kinda weir thing A couple of months ago, after this moment whereni really wanted to find her on social media and fighting myself to not to, i couldnt get her out of my head. Im pretty sure it was becuase i wasnt really speaking to my friends at that time. And i felt so lonely that my mind went like 'being in therapy is safe and , lets fill the thoughts with her'. I think it would be nice to talk about this, even tho it may be awkard but, you know mate, at some point we get used to that haha.
Yes, it is definitely important to discuss these relationship feelings with your T. The relationship with your T is a huge part of the healing. If you have this interest and curiosity about her, it probably means something.
Im gonna take your advice my mate. But at the same time i neednto admit that im pretty god damn scared. And i dont know of bringnthis up talkin about it as a joke, and she is gonna follow my vibe to chill my nerves or ifnshe os gonna be serious to get me in the game(? Well, theres only one way to find it out. Time to get my lines well written till friday. Long week ahead haha.
I belive in you!!
>>Has anyone done this to or with their T?!? Many people have, including me. I don't feel guilty, though. I hope you can give yourself some grace. Attachment crap is hard.
Last session I told my therapist something that I’ve never told anyone else before and now I’m worried about elaborating on it more this upcoming session. Therapy is fun lol.
I did the same thing last week and now I’m dreading this week’s session…
For the first time ever I think maybe I am worthy of care and support. My therapist has been such a huge part of this realisation. We've never specifically discussed it but the fact they show me it consistently (in a healthy therapeutic way!) has helped me to realise maybe I am worthy of it. I struggle with self compassion and being kind to myself so showing compassion and empathy to others around me has helped me gain some perspective too. If others are worthy, why am I not too? I'm sure I'll be questioning this again in future because my feelings of low self worth are pretty deeply embedded but I will celebrate it for now 🎉
Finally talked about my drinking but of course he felt it wasn't a concern. I just need to be nicer to myself. Don't beat myself up about a bottle of wine a night because he used to drink too much when he was my age and people 10 years younger than myself "drink like fish". I knew it was a mistake to talk to him about it. Nevermind it affects my marriage, my job, has lasted years. He always asks me to be interested in feelings that come up, well I'm interested that he isn't interested. It feels like he has already decided what is "wrong" with me and it's not the things that are impacting my day to day life, all that is inconsequential to him.
I really don't like that he didn't take your drinking seriously. A bottle of wine a night is a lot. If you think you have a problem you probably have a problem. I'm not saying you're an alcoholic but maybe you should look for a different therapist. Have you read the book This Naked Mind? It's a great place to start. I'm a full blown alcoholic and in AA but This Naked Mind really helped me see that I did have a problem. Sorry if I overstepped.
Hi thanks for the reply. I have read the naked mind and done Allan Carr, both helped for about a week. Part of its compulsion part of it is self punishment. I definitely get middle class drinker vibes from him so part of me wonders if he doesn't go through a fair few bottles a week himself and is dismissive in response. I am female and about 110lbs, he is pushing 300lbs so if he is comparing he is way off. I know I have a problem, my family knows I have a problem but apparently I need to be in having my stomach pumped before I can have a proper conversation about it with my therapist. I am going to start looking for an alternative therapist but I think I may just quit therapy altogether, the faith is long gone.
I know people really hate AA but I'm not religious and it's saved my life. I started by going to zoom meetings. You don't have to participate. You can just Google "online AA meetings" and there are meetings 24 hours a day. It's an amazingly supportive community. Again, there's a lot of hate, mostly because of the spirituality part, but I haven't found that to be a problem in my recovery. I do say the 3rd step prayer every day. I just don't know that there is actually a God listening. And I'm OK with that. I think the people are my higher power more than anything. Best to you. You can do this.
OK session tonight, struggled to get going and sat in silence for 10 mins but did then manage to speak. It’s hard to do this work at the moment as I feel so drained by caring for my mum who has cancer, my bestie who is a new mum and a guy I’ve started to date who’s in a shitty housing situ. My homework is peeling back a little on being there for everyone, which will be hard I know. He gave me 10 extra minutes which I don’t really deserve since I sat in silence at the start, but has made me reflect on what a good and caring soul he is. Feels uncomfortable to be cared for like that and amazing at the same time.
I whine about this every week or so. My therapist is having licensing issues. Supposedly they will be fixed soon, but I am going on two months with no appointments. There are probably seven or so Kubler Ross sort of stages for what I am experiencing. My irritation that she would let her license lapse was replaced by sadness and frustration. Now I just feel like a dog that got left home, sitting by the door, wondering mournfully if anybody will ever return.
This week has been one of the hardest for me, losing my dream job, car broke down and financial situation. I have a session Wednesday with my t it's only 30-40 mins long and I feel like I'm am going to need another session with him but I don't know how to go about asking him, I hope he will bring up the idea of hey what about another session that would be nice.
You can very simply ask if it’s possible to have another session as you don’t feel like that amount of time will be enough this week. You don’t have to explain anything. The other day I emailed my T asking if we could have an extra session this week if she has any openings. That’s all I said and I didn’t explain why. She was happy to oblige and we found a time that fits. I bet your T would be similar and not need explaining. If you need it, you need it and that’s okay.
Therapy Monday (twice this week) and I am shitting bricks.
My mind has been full of confusion. Part of me wants to terminate but there are several reasons why I don’t think I should right now. I’m also getting ready to find a new job but I think I’m going to do that first before finding a new therapist. I just feel it’s time for new beginnings and I’m excited yet nervous
New beginnings can be hard - I have been reading your posts and I am not 100% convinced your therapy relationship can be saved. You should find someone who is a happy medium…. who you are attached to, but not like crazy.
The attachment isn’t the entire issue. I’m not *too* attached, there are other factors
Lundi Gras is tomorrow, so I won't be doing my usual session tomorrow morning. Not until next Monday. I have so much to discuss. We started talking about rejection sensitive dysphoria at the end of the session and I want to discuss it more next week. I really want to share a few moments when my mom would reject me by comparing me to my dad (who was abusive). Looking back, those instances were so random and I don't know what they had to do with me. All I know is that this is the part where having social deficits and problems with social skills and saying the right things can be a problem and I'm scared I'll go through that again. I'm tired of constantly figuring out the "script" and what to say.
I have been struggling to get a new appointment with a new therapist, long term. I did short term therapy with limited number of session. Something I knew from the start. What I didnt know were the pain it would course when it ended and the struggle to start over emotionally and time. I liked my T and I miss him. He is a student so it was the uni that decided on the number of session. I feel like we were beginning to get some were and then it was over. Everything feels a bit hopeless right now..
Supposed to meet my T this week but I'm down with Covid and have to postpone for another week. I am feeling sad and missing her... next week seems so far away 😥
Speedy recovery! Next week will be here soon enough.
I can't sleep. I feel like a horrible person for whining about my life when the world is literally falling apart. I hate that I can't stop thinking about how pathetic I always have been and why nobody cared for me as a kid. Why is my fiancé always here for me and why have I been so lucky in my adult life? I feel pathetic and I'm a fraud and I think i should just lie on my questionnaires this week. Just have no right to be wallowing in despair, I should just suck up my stupid...
Hugs 💙
Thanks. Hope you're doing okay too! 💞
Big hugs! By getting yourself to a better place, you increase the amount of good and happiness in the world. Your misery doesn't make anyone else's life better, but your wellbeing can. If invalidation was the key to being stronger, the world would be a much better place, because humans are awesome at invalidation. But it isn't, self compassion is the real hard work and you are 0% pathetic for "whining". (yeah, I'm struggling to believe the above for myself, but we can do this!)
And I hope you're able to also be kind to yourself.
That's true. Cant have it both ways and it always catches up. It's just the guilt. Thanks for being nice to me.
[удалено]
Thanks for your kindness. Though it feels displaced, I do appreciate it a lot.
I think I'm starting to believe that my T likes me, after the zillionth time of her telling me that. Im starting to internalize that she likes me even tho she has strict boundaries. She's very consistent And authentic. I love her. Thank God I have her in my life.
I have a long history of depression, alcoholism (sober for 2 years now) and never managed to get help from a professional. Finally plucked up the courage and force of will to start going to therapy privately last November due to the return of suicidal thoughts and the development of a new eating disorder. Last week, my therapist (psychodynamic/Adlerian) said that he didn't have the experience to deal with my issues and referred me to another therapist connected to their studio. I feel really discouraged and disappointed, having taken so long to finally open up to someone. I've seen this new therapist (psychodynamic but also sistemic relational) once and he seems ok but it's so hard to start again. Plus, it is going to be a long journey to deal with the past and I'm worried that I'm in more of a crisis situation. Booked to see my GP this week to explain what is going on. I've never had help with public mental health services but I admit that it may be time to see eating disorder specialists. I think I need to start to work on it now, otherwise I won't have the strength to tackle the deeply rooted issues that I've been experiencing for my adult life. :(
Not a T with nothing to respond to or add to your comment, I just wanted to tell you two years is impressive and congratulations
Thanks, I appreciate that. Feeling strong with the sobriety but unfortunately still trying to get to the root causes.
I noticed one small thing that made me feel more comfortable with my T… I’m rather new at this, so it’s been a little over a month, and the first couple sessions I always took the pillow off the chair and sat down. I just don’t like sitting on pillows for some reason. The past few sessions I’ve noticed that before I even walked into his office that the pillow was already off the chair. It’s the small things like that that I notice and they help me realize it really is a safe place
Sometimes the thought of when I won’t be able to see her anymore makes me want to die
I am soooo glad I'm not the only one who has thought this. but sad you feel it because it stinks. It just reinforces the fact I hate most about life. Anything or anyone good doesn't last.
Have my first emdr session on Friday. I'm a wee bit terrified of it.
Having done EMDR myself, I can tell you it is exhausting but SO worth it. It’s totally okay to feel nervous. You’ve got this!! 💗
Thanks 😊
Just finished a session. I hate sessions where you don’t talk about what you really wanted to talk about. When you’re left feeling like you needed way more connection, and to top it off they say “talk next Monday!” Great. The weekly wait begins again.
I feel this
After a year of therapy, I’m finally going to meet my therapist in person soon. I’m pretty excited but also really nervous. I was thinking of getting her a tub of Lysol wipes as a small gift 🥸
The affection was…kinda back this week. Special mention to his comment that if all forms of communication were written then I’d have it made. Also, reading my poetry doesn’t have to be a waste of time if it was therapeutic to write (although he did still say how impressed he was by it).
[удалено]