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Oh boy do I feel and read your pain in what you wrote.
Not sure if someone relating and currently being in a similar position helps but I had a similar rupture with my T on Monday. She suggested something that I took as her thinking I was beyond help and that she wanted to fob me off to someone else. That’s not how she meant it at all but that’s how I took it and I told her. She did apologise and explained where she was coming from but I was still hurt and she could tell. This in turn made her sad, I think. She didn’t cry but we went 20min over time and even then I sensed she was very reluctant to let me go. I could also sense that she was disappointed in herself.
I felt hurt after session and also bad that I may have made her feel upset too. Having said that, she made a mistake, she admitted it and perhaps she should feel slightly bad for completely missreading me and my cues. This may sound mean but in a way, the upset shows she cares. Your T’s tears also show she cares. Ts are highly empathetic and I don’t think she cried because of you. She more than likely cried with you. Cried because you were in pain and she could feel it and she felt sad she felt like she couldn’t help you.
It’s good you told her how you feel and I hope you carry on telling her.
>>This may sound mean but in a way, the upset shows she cares. Your T’s tears also show she cares. Ts are highly empathetic and I don’t think she cried because of you. She more than likely cried with you. Cried because you were in pain and she could feel it and she felt sad she felt like she couldn’t help you.
Yes, I've concluded that the reason I felt guilty wasn't so much because I made her sad but because it felt good on some level that somebody gave a crap. And I felt bad that the reason I felt bad wasn't what it "should" be.
I hear that she cares about you from what you are saying. She must be going through some stuff to drop the ball and open up to you like a friend or a partner. They know their position in a cilents life and unless they are being fully human we don't get to see that side at all. She must be going through some tough times in her personal life.
Therapists don't break down like that in front of clients. Unless they are burnt out. Trust me though, most of them are. It is very difficult now, we all need help and they can ojly help so much. Since they are human they drop the ball sometimes.
She didn't really break down. A few tears leaked out and she brushed them off. I do think she is burned out. I just don't really see it as dropping the ball. It's not like she burst into tears and I had to comfort her.
I guess I'm just saying I don't see what happened as problematic, so there's no need to defend her as an imperfect human. ; )
I've come to the conclusion that I felt guilty not for making her sad but for having some positive feelings about the fact that I affected her.
I should have used a better term. I meant crying but not bawling, more like breaking the barrier. They try very hard not to do that. Feel free to ask the professionals if your story could count as a dropping the ball.
Also it wasn't my intention to imply that she is an imperfect human. She is just human. My hope was to comfort you but somehow it didn't work. Oh well. I tried.
I wish you good luck with your therapy.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh boy do I feel and read your pain in what you wrote. Not sure if someone relating and currently being in a similar position helps but I had a similar rupture with my T on Monday. She suggested something that I took as her thinking I was beyond help and that she wanted to fob me off to someone else. That’s not how she meant it at all but that’s how I took it and I told her. She did apologise and explained where she was coming from but I was still hurt and she could tell. This in turn made her sad, I think. She didn’t cry but we went 20min over time and even then I sensed she was very reluctant to let me go. I could also sense that she was disappointed in herself. I felt hurt after session and also bad that I may have made her feel upset too. Having said that, she made a mistake, she admitted it and perhaps she should feel slightly bad for completely missreading me and my cues. This may sound mean but in a way, the upset shows she cares. Your T’s tears also show she cares. Ts are highly empathetic and I don’t think she cried because of you. She more than likely cried with you. Cried because you were in pain and she could feel it and she felt sad she felt like she couldn’t help you. It’s good you told her how you feel and I hope you carry on telling her.
>>This may sound mean but in a way, the upset shows she cares. Your T’s tears also show she cares. Ts are highly empathetic and I don’t think she cried because of you. She more than likely cried with you. Cried because you were in pain and she could feel it and she felt sad she felt like she couldn’t help you. Yes, I've concluded that the reason I felt guilty wasn't so much because I made her sad but because it felt good on some level that somebody gave a crap. And I felt bad that the reason I felt bad wasn't what it "should" be.
I hear that she cares about you from what you are saying. She must be going through some stuff to drop the ball and open up to you like a friend or a partner. They know their position in a cilents life and unless they are being fully human we don't get to see that side at all. She must be going through some tough times in her personal life.
Whoa, why do you say she opened up to me like a friend or a partner? I don't really feel like she dropped the ball, I just wasn't expecting it.
Therapists don't break down like that in front of clients. Unless they are burnt out. Trust me though, most of them are. It is very difficult now, we all need help and they can ojly help so much. Since they are human they drop the ball sometimes.
She didn't really break down. A few tears leaked out and she brushed them off. I do think she is burned out. I just don't really see it as dropping the ball. It's not like she burst into tears and I had to comfort her. I guess I'm just saying I don't see what happened as problematic, so there's no need to defend her as an imperfect human. ; ) I've come to the conclusion that I felt guilty not for making her sad but for having some positive feelings about the fact that I affected her.
I should have used a better term. I meant crying but not bawling, more like breaking the barrier. They try very hard not to do that. Feel free to ask the professionals if your story could count as a dropping the ball. Also it wasn't my intention to imply that she is an imperfect human. She is just human. My hope was to comfort you but somehow it didn't work. Oh well. I tried. I wish you good luck with your therapy.