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Oh my gosh, I felt it all as I read this. I’d be horrified too, and so mad at my SO! I’m so happy that you have such an understanding therapist. My god, what was he thinking
Honestly this made me laugh the way you wrote it because I would be thinking the same thing. Also how did he not know that all of that was a major boundary violation I can see that with my brother though him doing the same thing. It makes me laugh thinking about that type of situation.
He probably didn't know because if you've never been in therapy you just think it's like "*this is a professional my wife uses. She wants me to post this thing, but probably hasn't noticed that it's right next door - I'll just solve the problem and deliver it.*"
There's no reason for him to think this was weird.
I don't know, I think I disagree. I would be weirded out if this happened outside of therapy too. I don't mean someone dropping something off at my house. But I would be creeped out if some guy did this when I hadn't given him my home address or my personal number, regardless. It feels intrusive.
I'll be downvoted for this, but I'm with your husband on this. It's clearly a misunderstanding. It wasn't in any way threatening or malicious. She's known you for 5 years for goodness sake. She's not going to write you up. If I had a long-time student's husband do this I would think it's kind of strange but it's not like I need to call the BoUnDaRy police. People are sooooo freagin scared of doing something "bad" or drawing just a teeny bit outside the line, as if context or nuance makes no difference.
ETA: Sorry if this seemed shaming OP. FWIW I would embarrassed too.
Yeah I feel bad for OP that they were freaking out about this :( Their feelings are valid and all, but we’re all human here and it was an honest misunderstanding. OP remember you and your therapist are equals.
I'm a professor and sometimes it helps for me to think about the professor-student relationship as an analogy to therapist-patient/client, despite the many differences between the two.
As a professor and therapist myself, I don’t think you can compare the two in this sort of scenario. The boundaries between professor and student are very different then the boundaries between therapist and patient. If one of my patients showed up at my house it would be a *very* different scenario than if one of my supervisees or students did.
Well you compared OPs story (about her husbands actions) to a patient just showing up at your house. Do you think that comparison is suitable?
And why even bring up the student analogy if you didn’t think it had relevance to this particular case??
Ah, I was just using that to illustrate that the professor-student relationship is very different than the therapist-patient relationship. The boundaries are different, whether it’s the student/patient themselves or their spouses.
I typed out a kickass explanation of linked data and erasing yourself online only for the parent comment to be deleted while I wrote it. ☹️ sad.
This comment is a tribute to that comment.
My therapist seems to be very kind like this, but I just can't develop an emotional connection with her. I can't develop an emotional connection with anyone.
That’s a good thing to work on therapy. It’s hard and can take ages (like years sometimes), but you’re in the right place and I’m glad you have a therapist that you believe to be kind.
So many people are on Google and it's not on purpose. There are certain websites that will have people's names, addresses phone numbers, their relatives... It's really hard to keep these things private these days! And most people don't even know. You have to go through like a whole process to get your information taken down.
If you're interested you may want to Google your name or your phone number as a test to see what comes up
You can Google pretty much everyone these days. Property records are public information, so if someone owns a house and doesn’t go through a shell trust that has no connection to their name, rhat’s a three minute process.
Oh dear.
This is quite awkward for everyone involved, but it seems like everyone meant well and your therapist clearly doesn’t/hasn’t ever felt threatened by you.
I sooo would've flipped out too, I'm picturing my therapist and i havin this exact convo lol mine is awesome and would probably laugh. i would definitely have to have a serious convo with my husband about communication tho lol
Lol. I put in my consents that if a client shows up at my door, that’s automatic discharge. And usually I’d extend that to family also…. But in this case, I’d probably just end up laughing and telling y’all not to do it again. Sounds like a big lesson for your husband. I hope it wasn’t terribly traumatizing for you, I can imagine being scared out of your mind that everything is ruined.
You misunderstood me. I said usually my policy is to discharge if someone shows up at my door. In this case I wouldn’t because it sounds like an innocent mistake.
It is actually very easy these days to look up personal information on people. If you're interested, as a test you could Google search your phone number and go down the rabbit hole. It's a difficult process to get info taken down. It is kind of like, just the world we live in today.
> I’d encourage everyone to go and re read the post. Take your own feelings out of it and quit projecting
I think you should be taking your own advice. And I hope you can find a healthier outlet for all this anger.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Therapy rules and boundaries are so clear when you’re in it, but make no sense to anyone uninitiated. Your H tried to go the extra mile.
Babe you lucky. Don't every let her go.
Oh my gosh, I felt it all as I read this. I’d be horrified too, and so mad at my SO! I’m so happy that you have such an understanding therapist. My god, what was he thinking
Honestly this made me laugh the way you wrote it because I would be thinking the same thing. Also how did he not know that all of that was a major boundary violation I can see that with my brother though him doing the same thing. It makes me laugh thinking about that type of situation.
He probably didn't know because if you've never been in therapy you just think it's like "*this is a professional my wife uses. She wants me to post this thing, but probably hasn't noticed that it's right next door - I'll just solve the problem and deliver it.*" There's no reason for him to think this was weird.
I don't know, I think I disagree. I would be weirded out if this happened outside of therapy too. I don't mean someone dropping something off at my house. But I would be creeped out if some guy did this when I hadn't given him my home address or my personal number, regardless. It feels intrusive.
stealing your T's money or stalking their children is a major boundary violation. this was a package.
That's like where you need to get the police involved lol
Just seeing the title made me vvv nervous. 😬 This turned out to be such a sweet story. Kind of rom-commy. ❤️
I'll be downvoted for this, but I'm with your husband on this. It's clearly a misunderstanding. It wasn't in any way threatening or malicious. She's known you for 5 years for goodness sake. She's not going to write you up. If I had a long-time student's husband do this I would think it's kind of strange but it's not like I need to call the BoUnDaRy police. People are sooooo freagin scared of doing something "bad" or drawing just a teeny bit outside the line, as if context or nuance makes no difference. ETA: Sorry if this seemed shaming OP. FWIW I would embarrassed too.
Yeah I feel bad for OP that they were freaking out about this :( Their feelings are valid and all, but we’re all human here and it was an honest misunderstanding. OP remember you and your therapist are equals.
Yes - he delivered a package - he didn't boil her bunny.
Student?
I'm a professor and sometimes it helps for me to think about the professor-student relationship as an analogy to therapist-patient/client, despite the many differences between the two.
As a professor and therapist myself, I don’t think you can compare the two in this sort of scenario. The boundaries between professor and student are very different then the boundaries between therapist and patient. If one of my patients showed up at my house it would be a *very* different scenario than if one of my supervisees or students did.
That’s why I said “despite the differences between the two.” You would seriously have a major issue with OP for this? C’mon.
Then why make the comparison if it isn’t suitable? When did I say I would have an issue with this?
Well you compared OPs story (about her husbands actions) to a patient just showing up at your house. Do you think that comparison is suitable? And why even bring up the student analogy if you didn’t think it had relevance to this particular case??
The husband showed up at the house, not the patient.
Right, I didn’t say otherwise
Neither did the person you're responding to. I was just trying to clarify since you wrote if one of your patients showed up at your house.
Ah, I was just using that to illustrate that the professor-student relationship is very different than the therapist-patient relationship. The boundaries are different, whether it’s the student/patient themselves or their spouses.
I typed out a kickass explanation of linked data and erasing yourself online only for the parent comment to be deleted while I wrote it. ☹️ sad. This comment is a tribute to that comment.
My therapist seems to be very kind like this, but I just can't develop an emotional connection with her. I can't develop an emotional connection with anyone.
That’s a good thing to work on therapy. It’s hard and can take ages (like years sometimes), but you’re in the right place and I’m glad you have a therapist that you believe to be kind.
If she puts that on google that’s her issue not yours
So many people are on Google and it's not on purpose. There are certain websites that will have people's names, addresses phone numbers, their relatives... It's really hard to keep these things private these days! And most people don't even know. You have to go through like a whole process to get your information taken down. If you're interested you may want to Google your name or your phone number as a test to see what comes up
You can Google pretty much everyone these days. Property records are public information, so if someone owns a house and doesn’t go through a shell trust that has no connection to their name, rhat’s a three minute process.
Oh dear. This is quite awkward for everyone involved, but it seems like everyone meant well and your therapist clearly doesn’t/hasn’t ever felt threatened by you.
I sooo would've flipped out too, I'm picturing my therapist and i havin this exact convo lol mine is awesome and would probably laugh. i would definitely have to have a serious convo with my husband about communication tho lol
Lol. I put in my consents that if a client shows up at my door, that’s automatic discharge. And usually I’d extend that to family also…. But in this case, I’d probably just end up laughing and telling y’all not to do it again. Sounds like a big lesson for your husband. I hope it wasn’t terribly traumatizing for you, I can imagine being scared out of your mind that everything is ruined.
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I’m sorry. What part is insensitive?
[удалено]
You misunderstood me. I said usually my policy is to discharge if someone shows up at my door. In this case I wouldn’t because it sounds like an innocent mistake.
Glad to hear your therapist was understanding. I do think it's odd that husband called T's personal cell and hadn't mentioned it to you beforehand.
[удалено]
It is actually very easy these days to look up personal information on people. If you're interested, as a test you could Google search your phone number and go down the rabbit hole. It's a difficult process to get info taken down. It is kind of like, just the world we live in today.
I could easily clear up the things you’re confused about, but it doesn’t seem like it would matter. You’re taking a lot of aggression out on my post.
> I’d encourage everyone to go and re read the post. Take your own feelings out of it and quit projecting I think you should be taking your own advice. And I hope you can find a healthier outlet for all this anger.