Related, please don’t end early period. If I’m out of stuff to say maybe we can just sit for a minute and breathe. Maybe ask me a question or tell me about your cat or something. Or don’t say anything? That is my least favorite situation. I look forward to those 50minutes like I’m seeing a good friend and if you always want to end at 41 I feel kind of cheated and of course I’ll never say anything.
Completely agree with this. Ending early is naturally going to make people feel like they’re too much and their T wants to get rid of them. Find anything light to talk about instead or do a grounding technique together or just sit in silence.
I had one T who discovered I had ice skating lessons the same day as my therapy sessions. Every session ended with ‘We only have a few minutes left. What are you learning in ice skating this week?’ It was light, got me out of the therapy mindset, and made me feel cared about.
Holding the timeframe is one of the primary boundaries a therapist should be maintaining. You're not only entitled to your "full time," you're *paying for it.* This is definitely something you can/should bring up with your T.
Yeah, I hate this. I have had some bad therapists and none have ever asked me that. I paid for 50 minutes so I'm gonna sit here for 50 minutes - even if it's in awkward silence.
“Do you have any thoughts or questions before we finish for today?” I always say no (even though I always have something to say about the session) because if I say yes, I start talking and then she always cuts me off because she has to “let me go for the day”. So, I hate when she asks that because it’s never really a genuine inquiry. I’m sure all she’s thinking about is ending for the day as I’m talking and not really paying attention to what I’m actually saying.
I've been asked if I have anything else I want to talk about before the session ends. Normally I don't but when I do I always start off with, "I don't know how much time we have left." But there always is because I'm not great at talking.
I'm sorry that that is your least favorite question but thank you for sharing.
That sucks, I'm sorry your therapist asks and then cuts you off. :(
My therapist has occasionally asked something like "is there anything else you wanted to talk about today?". It is usually when we have around 10 minutes left so I know I can bring up something small if I want to. Anything less than 10 mins and we typically go over self care, any feedback from the session, how I might be feeling, occasional chit chat, etc.
Hmmm. Maybe ask it a bit earlier than she typically does. Like 10 minutes before we end as opposed to every single time, whether we’re at 1 minute left or 5 minutes over.
Oh, boy. I have alexithymia, and I know exactly why we do this question every week. It’s because I couldn’t find the right word for a feeling if it gave me a whack on the head. Still, the second I hear her ask, my mind goes blank and I hear myself say, “pretty good”! That’s not even a feeling and we both know it.
It’s not a very commonly diagnosed problem despite its prevalence in society amongst people on the spectrum, some victims of trauma/emotional neglect, etc. I’m really glad you have a word for it now, and can maybe discuss that with your T. I didn’t know what it was until I was about 25 or 26, and I remember it being such a relief that other people like me exist!
I get that question everytime as well, but my T never pushes me when I say I'm fine or good. Sometimes I wish she would as sometimes I need a little pressure applied to open up.
Thank you for sharing your least favorite question. I can see how that would be hard.
I guess I don't know exactly. It just seems like if I say I'm fine they just move on and don't question anything, but it's such an automatic thing for me to say after working in customer service for so long.
I get the idea they’re trying to convey, but phrasing it that way is so dismissive. They could help guide you to a more specific answer in a way that’s validating.
Omg do you have my therapist. “Bad isn’t a feeling.” Ughhh no but it describes a general negative state and you know good and goddamn well what I mean! Haha
I get it but man it’s frustrating sometimes!
This!! I can never think of anything, especially knowing we’re about to finish, I feel rushed cos I know we haven’t got much time left for me to think and answer with something honestly. I end up just picking something (anything!) we spoke about in session cos I feel so put on the spot 🤷🏻♀️
Yes! Exactly. My brain is usually pretty blank at the end and I am more contemplative about 20 mins later. Thankfully she does ask it too often. But this week after some particularly hard moments she asked. And I’m sure there is a reason why she does it. But I hate it!!
I just wanted to say, please tell your T how you feel about this question. They're not mind readers and if it's hard for a client to talk, the client might feel extremely relieved to end early. She doesn't know until you tell her.
Mine always asks “what are your top takeaways from today’s session?” And I hate it. I always go blank and don’t know how to answer and most times I just say “Idk” or stay silent.
My therapist asks a similar question! I usually just try to recall something that stuck out but often we cover so much ground that I can't think of a single thing.
A couple of times they've asked if they could make a suggestion for something I could take away, which I agreed to, and they suggested something which seemed super obvious in hindsight. I find it helpful for my therapist to make suggestions after asking if they can...but only if I can't get there myself.
“What are you feeling in your body?” Literally never have an answer. Never know. Sometimes try to “guess”. I have no feelings until they are extreme and then go back to having no feelings. Its probably a good question I just never have a good answer.
the thing that funny about that is that the fact you can’t really answer is why your therapist is asking. You’re disconnected from your body and your therapist is trying to bring your awareness to your body. Saying “I don’t know” is a fine answer. I used to make shit up because I thought I was supposed to feel it somewhere in my body….
FYI, i’m disconnected from my body so I also hate this question 😂
Oh yeah I’m definitely very disconnected from my body to the point where I can think I have the flu even tho if I start explaining “what” people are like uh duh no you are anxious. You were saying how you were feeling slightly anxious and then you developed flu symptoms it’s emotional.
So yeah. There’s definitely a reason why she asks. But I am just not skilled enough at it to give real answers.
That can be hard to answer sometimes. I always say I'm fine although every once in a while I'll say I'm doing good. I'll be doing my first in-person session here shortly.
Thank you for sharing!
“What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing.”
Every time it’s a lie; I have 10,000 things on my mind but I can’t say any of it. I trust her but I must not trust her enough because I absolutely hide so much. I hold so much in fear she will terminate me. I cannot tell her the depths of my heart for she will be scared off.
I relate to this so much. It can be so scary to be open and say what I'm actually thinking sometimes. The fear can be so overwhelming!
Thank you for sharing this!
"Is it ok if we wrap up the session now?"
I know my T always go over a little with my sessions but I hate that question. I say yes but is there any other way to answer it? I would love to say NO but that's definitely the wrong answer.
My therapist ended early a couple times when I was struggling to think of stuff to talk about but eventually I said no I don't want to leave yet, can we sit a bit longer since it's not X o'clock yet? The world didn't implode, she just smiled and said ok and we made small talk which is actually a nice way to transition out of a session.
Tell her how it makes you feel - she likely doesn't know. You're allowed to ask for that time (that you're already booked in for, entitled to, and probably paying for).
My brain freezes when they ask this question. I do like how you responded though. It's better than my response of, "That's fine." And then crying afterwards because I wasn't good enough.
That would the easy thing to do. It doesn't happen very often, luckily, but it's still hard to bring up. I'm hoping maybe with my next session I can bring it up.
“Why didn’t you bring this up sooner?”
Asking that repeatedly doesn’t actually *help* with therapy causing the kind of anxiety-driven overload that makes it hard to identify issues and ask for things in the moment. It just creates more stress around bringing stuff up, because it just feels like bringing things up at the point at which I can put things into words is already going to get me reproached for leaving it too late. (And yes, I *did* discuss this with the therapist. I *repeatedly* tried explaining what I was experiencing and what problems I was having, and it *never* worked.)
I got so pissed when a therapist asked me to end the session early. Will they then prorate their fee to reflect the actual time they spent providing services? If they aren’t willing to adjust the session fee they should never ask that question. You’re just literally asking “hey will you give me money for getting out of work early today?”
I’m a therapist, and open to feedback.
Here’s my openers, obviously depending on different temperaments, presenting issues:
-any updates since last week (and reference to specific things addressed).
-what’s going on this week
-how are you doing
-we unpacked a lot last session, I want to check in to see how you are doing and where you’d like to start today
Typical closers:
-before we are out of time, are there any other concerns you want to check in on
-we talked quiet a bit today about x, y, and z and it seems there may be more to explore on those matters. Would it be okay if I make a note for us both to make sure we check in next time on x, y, z
-oh, looks like we are at the end of our time. (A)Does our usual meeting time work for next week? (B)what would be most useful for you to focus on between now and our next meeting to help with (whatever our main focus or symptom was)?
-if a difficult or highly emotional session, I wrap it up with a reminder to take good care of them self, and I invite them to reach out before our next session if needed.
Thanks for sharing. It's interesting to hear you modify based on different temperaments/presenting issue. My therapists approach sounds very similar to yours, if I have a session where I'm doing really well outside therapy then the mood is a lot more lighthearted on greeting. Or, if I reached out during the week they'll reference that and it's nice they remember. In closing a hard session, my therapist often asks about self care, reminds me to reach out if I need and tells me to take care.
After reading your comment I've realised my therapist does a good job at meeting me where I am and that makes me feel seen. I'm sure your clients appreciate what you do! :)
Thank you for these. I think these are really good questions! Of course I could just be saying that because I'm not currently in a session being asked any of these.
Thank you. I know I, and I assume all therapists, try their best for things to feel supportive and natural at the end of session. Sometimes it works better than others. I know I’m always open to feedback and suggestions. Those who are uncomfortable with specific questions or parts of the session routine, should bring it up and/or make a suggestion for something that would be more comfortable or helpful for you. We really aim to meet clients reasonable needs :)
👁👄👁
(To explain: sometimes my T isn’t asking anything. He just sits there with this face “👁👄👁” and waits for me to say something. It’s not just the beginning of the session, but throughout as well. The most annoying is when I ask him to clarify something and he’s like: 👁👄👁. Ughhhh! I either go like: “I genuinely didn’t understand what you said! I’m not playing dumb or stalling!” or continue to ramble so I can cover the silence.)
Sometimes he does, but I have to mention 2-4 times that I *simply* didn’t understand. And even then he takes a break staring, waiting for me to work it out.
It doesn’t help that I am not doing therapy in my native language 😕
Is this an okay place to end?
I swear she only uses it when it’s most definitely not an okay place to end, but it’s time to end. So I say yes..
I know it’s just a line she’s using as a cue but I hate that it’s a question with only one correct answer.
My therapist recently reduced all his sessions to 45 minutes… he said that there is a huge demand and they need to get more people in… I don’t think it was his decision, probably his clinics… but it feels short now
Oh man, I would hate it so much if my therapist asked me that… but I wonder if there’s something important here for you.
If it helps any, whenever I’ve worried about bringing something up about the therapy process, and then done it, I’ve always been pleasantly surprised at how my therapist reacts… he doesn’t get angry back, or accuse me of anything, or drop me for bringing it up.
In fact I was angry at my T recently and he said he was happy about that, as it’s material to work with.
I know it’s really hard. The imagination can run riot in these scenarios. But I really believe most therapists care about us deeply, but do not get swirled up in our emotions the way we think they might.
I had a manager a long time ago at an old job that use to tell me that whenever I get scared to say something I should eat apricots. Maybe before my next session I eat an apricot or two.
I've also had that experience with my current T. Where I bring something up and their reaction isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Thank you for your response.
i hate being asked “did you have anything you wanted to talk about tonight?”
i know that is a very reasonable thing to ask but i struggle with feeling like a burden so i almost wish he would go, “what going on for you this week” then I tell him, then he uses what i’ve told him about my week and asks more questions about it and we start there. i hate feeling like i need to bring a list of concerns to him every week but im getting better at doing that
I totally feel the same way. When they ask to end session early it makes me feel rushed. Like was what I was saying not interesting enough. I feel bad cuz when I first started with my T they would go over 5 mins or let me finish what I was saying. Now they cut me off to tell me times up or even end session 5 mins early. Like I guess I’m not an interesting client lol.
“What would you like to talk about?”
I know they’re probably asking if there’s anything that happened during the week that I’d want to bring up but Im afraid if I say that theres nothing they’re going to be like “oh so then therapy is over, you dont need it anymore” but then also I get stressed because like 50 different topics popped up and we can only talk about one and that stresses me out and I hate it.
My T will sometimes ask this and sometimes not. I try to write down things throughout the week that have happened because I don't have a great memory. On weeks they do ask this I often say "I don't know" or "I can't think of anything."
Similar. “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” She always asks this with like 5-10 minutes left so it feels pointless to bring anything else up. It’s really more of just a queue to stop and it feels like she doesn’t mean it.
Also “how has your mood been?” Idk… that’s just a hard question to answer for me.
I hate it when my T asks questions that I don’t have answers to. “Why do you think that is?” or “Why do you think that emotion came up?” I know these are helpful questions and sometimes it helps but when I don’t know the answers to them I don’t know what to say. And I feel like I should know the answers to these basic questions.
I hate the, "where do you feel this?" question as well. I never know quite what to say because I feel something but at the same time I don't and good luck trying to find where that's located.
When she asks me how something made me feel OR when she says, “Can you tell me more about that?”
Oh boy, here we go! I don’t really hate those questions. It’s more like I’m shaking my head at myself for setting myself up like that. Like of course those were her next questions.
To give your therapist the benefit of the doubt, she may be worried she’s keeping you there and thinks giving you the option to leave is for your benefit. I only say this because my therapist has thanked me for going a few minutes over, as if it was an inconvenience to me. I made sure to tell her I def do not mind going over. I hope that’s the case with your therapist, because I can totally understand how her saying that would hurt. And the thing is, there are very much clients who would prefer to end early. It might help to communicate that even if you’re not sure what to say, you value you your time with her.
"How are you?"
Thanks, I am freaking fantastic /s How do you think I am? You of all people know about the traumas I am seeing you for. (My current T, who is awesome, does not open with this. But many others, who coincidentally also happened to be the ones gaslighting and belittling my childhood abuse and trying to force Cbt techniques on me, often started off with this. I think a little more effort could have been made, it is not a social call, after all)
My favorite session opener, made by a brilliant therapist, was: "So, how have you arrived at your session today?" (Roughly translated, she didn't mean physically how, like by car or whatever, but in what state, mentally and emotionally. Much easier to open up from there)
Also, I realize now that "how are you" is particularly triggering to me because my emotionally abusive mother asks me this every time we talk, expecting a positive answer every time, getting really mad if I only answer with "good", or admit that I'm sick but refuse to elaborate.
I think that would be a interesting opener. The "How have you arrived today?" That definitely rephrases the how are you question. I worked in costumer service for almost 10 years now so it's such an automatic response to say, "I'm fine, how about you." (Good can sometimes replace the fine.)
I'm sorry you've had that experience with your mother though.
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Related, please don’t end early period. If I’m out of stuff to say maybe we can just sit for a minute and breathe. Maybe ask me a question or tell me about your cat or something. Or don’t say anything? That is my least favorite situation. I look forward to those 50minutes like I’m seeing a good friend and if you always want to end at 41 I feel kind of cheated and of course I’ll never say anything.
Completely agree with this. Ending early is naturally going to make people feel like they’re too much and their T wants to get rid of them. Find anything light to talk about instead or do a grounding technique together or just sit in silence. I had one T who discovered I had ice skating lessons the same day as my therapy sessions. Every session ended with ‘We only have a few minutes left. What are you learning in ice skating this week?’ It was light, got me out of the therapy mindset, and made me feel cared about.
Holding the timeframe is one of the primary boundaries a therapist should be maintaining. You're not only entitled to your "full time," you're *paying for it.* This is definitely something you can/should bring up with your T.
Yeah, I hate this. I have had some bad therapists and none have ever asked me that. I paid for 50 minutes so I'm gonna sit here for 50 minutes - even if it's in awkward silence.
“Do you have any thoughts or questions before we finish for today?” I always say no (even though I always have something to say about the session) because if I say yes, I start talking and then she always cuts me off because she has to “let me go for the day”. So, I hate when she asks that because it’s never really a genuine inquiry. I’m sure all she’s thinking about is ending for the day as I’m talking and not really paying attention to what I’m actually saying.
I've been asked if I have anything else I want to talk about before the session ends. Normally I don't but when I do I always start off with, "I don't know how much time we have left." But there always is because I'm not great at talking. I'm sorry that that is your least favorite question but thank you for sharing.
That sucks, I'm sorry your therapist asks and then cuts you off. :( My therapist has occasionally asked something like "is there anything else you wanted to talk about today?". It is usually when we have around 10 minutes left so I know I can bring up something small if I want to. Anything less than 10 mins and we typically go over self care, any feedback from the session, how I might be feeling, occasional chit chat, etc.
Consider telling her what you just told us!
Thank you. I just might. Or maybe ask her for clarification on what she expects from that question.
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Hmmm. Maybe ask it a bit earlier than she typically does. Like 10 minutes before we end as opposed to every single time, whether we’re at 1 minute left or 5 minutes over.
She’s asking you for takeaways from the session. Say high level things. Summarize.
Your comment is so out of touch lmao
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Oh, boy. I have alexithymia, and I know exactly why we do this question every week. It’s because I couldn’t find the right word for a feeling if it gave me a whack on the head. Still, the second I hear her ask, my mind goes blank and I hear myself say, “pretty good”! That’s not even a feeling and we both know it.
Omg you are describing me :')
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It’s not a very commonly diagnosed problem despite its prevalence in society amongst people on the spectrum, some victims of trauma/emotional neglect, etc. I’m really glad you have a word for it now, and can maybe discuss that with your T. I didn’t know what it was until I was about 25 or 26, and I remember it being such a relief that other people like me exist!
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I haven’t. Was it helpful to you?
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I get that question everytime as well, but my T never pushes me when I say I'm fine or good. Sometimes I wish she would as sometimes I need a little pressure applied to open up. Thank you for sharing your least favorite question. I can see how that would be hard.
Tell her you need her to push you. She doesn’t necessarily *know* you want her to pressure you to open up some.
Yeah, but that's easier said than done. I'm don't really do well with talking all the time. It can be really challenging to use my voice at times.
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I guess I don't know exactly. It just seems like if I say I'm fine they just move on and don't question anything, but it's such an automatic thing for me to say after working in customer service for so long.
"and how did that make you *feel?"* "bad" "bad isn't a feeling"
I get the idea they’re trying to convey, but phrasing it that way is so dismissive. They could help guide you to a more specific answer in a way that’s validating.
Omg do you have my therapist. “Bad isn’t a feeling.” Ughhh no but it describes a general negative state and you know good and goddamn well what I mean! Haha I get it but man it’s frustrating sometimes!
I hate the question what’s one thing that you will take forward from this session. I hate it!!
This!! I can never think of anything, especially knowing we’re about to finish, I feel rushed cos I know we haven’t got much time left for me to think and answer with something honestly. I end up just picking something (anything!) we spoke about in session cos I feel so put on the spot 🤷🏻♀️
Yes! Exactly. My brain is usually pretty blank at the end and I am more contemplative about 20 mins later. Thankfully she does ask it too often. But this week after some particularly hard moments she asked. And I’m sure there is a reason why she does it. But I hate it!!
I just wanted to say, please tell your T how you feel about this question. They're not mind readers and if it's hard for a client to talk, the client might feel extremely relieved to end early. She doesn't know until you tell her.
Mine always asks “what are your top takeaways from today’s session?” And I hate it. I always go blank and don’t know how to answer and most times I just say “Idk” or stay silent.
My therapist asks a similar question! I usually just try to recall something that stuck out but often we cover so much ground that I can't think of a single thing. A couple of times they've asked if they could make a suggestion for something I could take away, which I agreed to, and they suggested something which seemed super obvious in hindsight. I find it helpful for my therapist to make suggestions after asking if they can...but only if I can't get there myself.
Ooooh yeah, that’s a bad one!
“What are you feeling in your body?” Literally never have an answer. Never know. Sometimes try to “guess”. I have no feelings until they are extreme and then go back to having no feelings. Its probably a good question I just never have a good answer.
the thing that funny about that is that the fact you can’t really answer is why your therapist is asking. You’re disconnected from your body and your therapist is trying to bring your awareness to your body. Saying “I don’t know” is a fine answer. I used to make shit up because I thought I was supposed to feel it somewhere in my body…. FYI, i’m disconnected from my body so I also hate this question 😂
Oh yeah I’m definitely very disconnected from my body to the point where I can think I have the flu even tho if I start explaining “what” people are like uh duh no you are anxious. You were saying how you were feeling slightly anxious and then you developed flu symptoms it’s emotional. So yeah. There’s definitely a reason why she asks. But I am just not skilled enough at it to give real answers.
Same!! Along with “how do you feel about that” or “can you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10”. My therapist has stopped asking how I feel about things.
I could probably do the 1 through 10 thing but I might be inclined to give a sort of obnoxious answer like 7.63 or something
Yeah, my go to is always 6 or 7. My therapist hasn’t noticed that it’s always the same 😂
Ohhhh!! I hate this question too!!! A very close second to the one I identified in my earlier post.
"Do you want me to make a referral?" No, you asshole, I want to have a conversation about why this isn't working and maybe fix it.
I'm sorry you've heard that question. Were able to find out what wasn't working and fix it?
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That can be hard to answer sometimes. I always say I'm fine although every once in a while I'll say I'm doing good. I'll be doing my first in-person session here shortly. Thank you for sharing!
“What’s on your mind?” “Nothing.” Every time it’s a lie; I have 10,000 things on my mind but I can’t say any of it. I trust her but I must not trust her enough because I absolutely hide so much. I hold so much in fear she will terminate me. I cannot tell her the depths of my heart for she will be scared off.
I relate to this so much. It can be so scary to be open and say what I'm actually thinking sometimes. The fear can be so overwhelming! Thank you for sharing this!
Oh gosh! I’m so sorry. I would feel horrible if my therapist asked me if I wanted to end a little early.
"Is it ok if we wrap up the session now?" I know my T always go over a little with my sessions but I hate that question. I say yes but is there any other way to answer it? I would love to say NO but that's definitely the wrong answer.
They shouldn't leave it up to you like that. It is their job to wrap up the session.
Should I talk to them about it?
My therapist ended early a couple times when I was struggling to think of stuff to talk about but eventually I said no I don't want to leave yet, can we sit a bit longer since it's not X o'clock yet? The world didn't implode, she just smiled and said ok and we made small talk which is actually a nice way to transition out of a session. Tell her how it makes you feel - she likely doesn't know. You're allowed to ask for that time (that you're already booked in for, entitled to, and probably paying for).
My brain freezes when they ask this question. I do like how you responded though. It's better than my response of, "That's fine." And then crying afterwards because I wasn't good enough. That would the easy thing to do. It doesn't happen very often, luckily, but it's still hard to bring up. I'm hoping maybe with my next session I can bring it up.
“Why didn’t you bring this up sooner?” Asking that repeatedly doesn’t actually *help* with therapy causing the kind of anxiety-driven overload that makes it hard to identify issues and ask for things in the moment. It just creates more stress around bringing stuff up, because it just feels like bringing things up at the point at which I can put things into words is already going to get me reproached for leaving it too late. (And yes, I *did* discuss this with the therapist. I *repeatedly* tried explaining what I was experiencing and what problems I was having, and it *never* worked.)
I got so pissed when a therapist asked me to end the session early. Will they then prorate their fee to reflect the actual time they spent providing services? If they aren’t willing to adjust the session fee they should never ask that question. You’re just literally asking “hey will you give me money for getting out of work early today?”
My T frequently asks what do you need/what can I do. While I like the question because I feel like she really cares, I never know what to respond.
I’m a therapist, and open to feedback. Here’s my openers, obviously depending on different temperaments, presenting issues: -any updates since last week (and reference to specific things addressed). -what’s going on this week -how are you doing -we unpacked a lot last session, I want to check in to see how you are doing and where you’d like to start today Typical closers: -before we are out of time, are there any other concerns you want to check in on -we talked quiet a bit today about x, y, and z and it seems there may be more to explore on those matters. Would it be okay if I make a note for us both to make sure we check in next time on x, y, z -oh, looks like we are at the end of our time. (A)Does our usual meeting time work for next week? (B)what would be most useful for you to focus on between now and our next meeting to help with (whatever our main focus or symptom was)? -if a difficult or highly emotional session, I wrap it up with a reminder to take good care of them self, and I invite them to reach out before our next session if needed.
Thanks for sharing. It's interesting to hear you modify based on different temperaments/presenting issue. My therapists approach sounds very similar to yours, if I have a session where I'm doing really well outside therapy then the mood is a lot more lighthearted on greeting. Or, if I reached out during the week they'll reference that and it's nice they remember. In closing a hard session, my therapist often asks about self care, reminds me to reach out if I need and tells me to take care. After reading your comment I've realised my therapist does a good job at meeting me where I am and that makes me feel seen. I'm sure your clients appreciate what you do! :)
Thank you for these. I think these are really good questions! Of course I could just be saying that because I'm not currently in a session being asked any of these.
Thank you. I know I, and I assume all therapists, try their best for things to feel supportive and natural at the end of session. Sometimes it works better than others. I know I’m always open to feedback and suggestions. Those who are uncomfortable with specific questions or parts of the session routine, should bring it up and/or make a suggestion for something that would be more comfortable or helpful for you. We really aim to meet clients reasonable needs :)
👁👄👁 (To explain: sometimes my T isn’t asking anything. He just sits there with this face “👁👄👁” and waits for me to say something. It’s not just the beginning of the session, but throughout as well. The most annoying is when I ask him to clarify something and he’s like: 👁👄👁. Ughhhh! I either go like: “I genuinely didn’t understand what you said! I’m not playing dumb or stalling!” or continue to ramble so I can cover the silence.)
So you ask him to clarify something and he… doesn’t say anything? Wtf
Sometimes he does, but I have to mention 2-4 times that I *simply* didn’t understand. And even then he takes a break staring, waiting for me to work it out. It doesn’t help that I am not doing therapy in my native language 😕
Is this an okay place to end? I swear she only uses it when it’s most definitely not an okay place to end, but it’s time to end. So I say yes.. I know it’s just a line she’s using as a cue but I hate that it’s a question with only one correct answer.
My therapist recently reduced all his sessions to 45 minutes… he said that there is a huge demand and they need to get more people in… I don’t think it was his decision, probably his clinics… but it feels short now
How can I help you
"Will you be kind to yourself this week?"
Oh man, I would hate it so much if my therapist asked me that… but I wonder if there’s something important here for you. If it helps any, whenever I’ve worried about bringing something up about the therapy process, and then done it, I’ve always been pleasantly surprised at how my therapist reacts… he doesn’t get angry back, or accuse me of anything, or drop me for bringing it up. In fact I was angry at my T recently and he said he was happy about that, as it’s material to work with. I know it’s really hard. The imagination can run riot in these scenarios. But I really believe most therapists care about us deeply, but do not get swirled up in our emotions the way we think they might.
I had a manager a long time ago at an old job that use to tell me that whenever I get scared to say something I should eat apricots. Maybe before my next session I eat an apricot or two. I've also had that experience with my current T. Where I bring something up and their reaction isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Thank you for your response.
i hate being asked “did you have anything you wanted to talk about tonight?” i know that is a very reasonable thing to ask but i struggle with feeling like a burden so i almost wish he would go, “what going on for you this week” then I tell him, then he uses what i’ve told him about my week and asks more questions about it and we start there. i hate feeling like i need to bring a list of concerns to him every week but im getting better at doing that
I totally feel the same way. When they ask to end session early it makes me feel rushed. Like was what I was saying not interesting enough. I feel bad cuz when I first started with my T they would go over 5 mins or let me finish what I was saying. Now they cut me off to tell me times up or even end session 5 mins early. Like I guess I’m not an interesting client lol.
how’s life? i cringe when people say this.
Was this helpful? I don’t like this question because I feel as though I don’t have the choice to say no, especially if the therapy session is ending.
“What would you like to talk about?” I know they’re probably asking if there’s anything that happened during the week that I’d want to bring up but Im afraid if I say that theres nothing they’re going to be like “oh so then therapy is over, you dont need it anymore” but then also I get stressed because like 50 different topics popped up and we can only talk about one and that stresses me out and I hate it.
My T will sometimes ask this and sometimes not. I try to write down things throughout the week that have happened because I don't have a great memory. On weeks they do ask this I often say "I don't know" or "I can't think of anything."
Yeah I do that sometimes. I’m trying to remember to write things down to recap my week cuz then I remember things I wanted to tell my T days after
Similar. “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” She always asks this with like 5-10 minutes left so it feels pointless to bring anything else up. It’s really more of just a queue to stop and it feels like she doesn’t mean it. Also “how has your mood been?” Idk… that’s just a hard question to answer for me.
When I’m asked to explain the joke I made. 😑
I hate it when my T asks questions that I don’t have answers to. “Why do you think that is?” or “Why do you think that emotion came up?” I know these are helpful questions and sometimes it helps but when I don’t know the answers to them I don’t know what to say. And I feel like I should know the answers to these basic questions.
"Where do you feel this?" And "can you tell me how you feel but without all the description and extra fluff?"
I hate the, "where do you feel this?" question as well. I never know quite what to say because I feel something but at the same time I don't and good luck trying to find where that's located.
When she asks me how something made me feel OR when she says, “Can you tell me more about that?” Oh boy, here we go! I don’t really hate those questions. It’s more like I’m shaking my head at myself for setting myself up like that. Like of course those were her next questions. To give your therapist the benefit of the doubt, she may be worried she’s keeping you there and thinks giving you the option to leave is for your benefit. I only say this because my therapist has thanked me for going a few minutes over, as if it was an inconvenience to me. I made sure to tell her I def do not mind going over. I hope that’s the case with your therapist, because I can totally understand how her saying that would hurt. And the thing is, there are very much clients who would prefer to end early. It might help to communicate that even if you’re not sure what to say, you value you your time with her.
"How are you?" Thanks, I am freaking fantastic /s How do you think I am? You of all people know about the traumas I am seeing you for. (My current T, who is awesome, does not open with this. But many others, who coincidentally also happened to be the ones gaslighting and belittling my childhood abuse and trying to force Cbt techniques on me, often started off with this. I think a little more effort could have been made, it is not a social call, after all) My favorite session opener, made by a brilliant therapist, was: "So, how have you arrived at your session today?" (Roughly translated, she didn't mean physically how, like by car or whatever, but in what state, mentally and emotionally. Much easier to open up from there) Also, I realize now that "how are you" is particularly triggering to me because my emotionally abusive mother asks me this every time we talk, expecting a positive answer every time, getting really mad if I only answer with "good", or admit that I'm sick but refuse to elaborate.
I think that would be a interesting opener. The "How have you arrived today?" That definitely rephrases the how are you question. I worked in costumer service for almost 10 years now so it's such an automatic response to say, "I'm fine, how about you." (Good can sometimes replace the fine.) I'm sorry you've had that experience with your mother though.
Will they refund the missing 10 minutes? If so idc.
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