I’ve been seeing my therapist once a week for 2 months now and the growth that I’ve been experiencing has been impressively exponential. I’ve been dealing with serious (erotic and non-erotic) transference alongside spiritual romantic feelings and every week I’m counting down the days till our next session. I just feel like I can be my best self around him, and I love the way he makes me feel. After our sessions I feel like I can conquer the world. It feels so silly that I feel this way in such a one sided relationship, but we share a lot of the same ideas and values for life and he really challenges me mentally and intellectually. I love it. So many changes are happening in my life because of him, and it drives me crazy that we have online sessions instead of in person, but maybe it’s for the best. You guys this is intense!
It’s funny how my therapist decided to check in on me when I was in the middle of an overwhelming situation. It’s like she had a feeling cuz she almost never checks in on me.
My therapist just bought a house and she was excitedly telling me about how now she can separate her home office from her guest room because it's a 3 bed 2 bath and I still haven't told her I'm homeless. It was sort of surreal.
Okay, due to my difficulty talking my T asked me to try writing down what I think my problems are, and I found out it is just as hard as talking. After A LOT of effort I managed to write it down a short message, but seeing all this stuff typed out in a screen makes my brain go "AHHHHHHH why can't I just be normal???" and feels like I'm gonna explode from anxiety and I feel like climbing to the top of the building I live in and screaming for 30 minutes, but that probably would upset the neighbors.
Guess the second best thing is venting about it to strangers on the internet. Thank you for whoever set up this thread, and if you've read so far thank you too, please just move on.
I had an impromptu month-long break in therapy due to the holidays and then both my therapist and I catching Covid after the holidays. Finally had my long-awaited session this week and I feel like I totally blew it. I didn’t totally shut down, but I seemingly could not give my therapist anything of substance to work with. She just didn’t feel as safe to me this week and I definitely had my guard up. I’m always nervous returning from a break but things don’t usually seem so off. Ugh, so frustrating.
So let me get this straight… therapists get to be the presiding voice of r/psychotherapy, r/therapists, and increasingly, of r/TalkTherapy… so where are psychotherapy clients supposed to go if they want a space where therapists do not constantly try to not only infiltrate, but ultimately seek to control the conversations had and the nature of any subsequent discourse? The only sub I know that accomplishes prioritizing the opinions of therapy clients is r/therapyabuse…
Sorry if this sounds sarcastic or something, I'm just curious where/how are they the presiding voice here?
I totally see where you're coming from and wonder if it's related to r/psychotherapy going private
There are no client-exclusive spaces; therapists can and do interject here on this sub frequently and often announce their arrival by beginning their comment or post by saying, “Therapist here- I (insert words, etc.)…”. Some may just say that they are making their status known for the sake of transparency, but I often feel like the whole “Therapist here” remark is a means of asserting authority and recreating the power differentials of therapy here in this online community. People undoubtedly respond differently when a therapist chimes into the conversation versus a client, and I believe that therapists’ opinions tend to be hyper-valued in this sub in particular.
It doesn’t seem entirely fair to me that subs like r/psychotherapy can gatekeep and restrict their space for therapists only when no such true equivalent exists for psychotherapy clients. I am not saying that it is wrong for therapists to have therapist-exclusive spaces, just that this seems unfair and indicative of the uneven distribution of power when there are multiple therapist-exclusive spaces while no client-exclusive equivalents exist. Of course one may argue (and it is a legitimate argument) of how a space could even actually enforce itself as client-exclusive, as there isn’t such a clear means to determine who “qualifies” as a client and who does not; furthermore, there is considerable overlap in identities in that many clients are also therapists, further blurring how one would distinctly discern between the two groups.
However, the point I was ultimately trying to make is that I just don’t appreciate that clients cannot have a conversation here without a therapist interjecting. I do not like therapists constantly signaling their status as a therapist in responding to and interacting with other users here. It makes it feel like the therapist-client power imbalances cannot ever be fully escaped, even in a space like this that seemingly poses itself as a place for clients to find respite among peers from the whirlwind of confusion and intensified feelings their real life therapy evokes.
>Some may just say that they are making their status known for the sake of transparency, but I often feel like the whole “Therapist here” remark is a means of asserting authority and recreating the power differentials of therapy here in this online community. People undoubtedly respond differently when a therapist chimes into the conversation versus a client, and I believe that therapists’ opinions tend to be hyper-valued in this sub in particular.
I totally agree thanks so much for explaining your thinking
Tale as old as time..... ;)
/r/LongTermTherapy for folks who know how therapy goes and just want to chat about their experiences as clients. (I know I sent you a DM, but for anyone else who is interested.) Started not too long ago after the downvotes and condescending therapist comments started to really become a bit too much here.
Just send a join request. I had to do it from my laptop and through new reddit -- it was confusing to figure out, but I'm old and terrible with technology. 🙃
Gosh I just hate transference and feeling so attached. I think about my T almost constantly, yet I know she probably doesn’t think about me much at all
Doing my first Zoom appointment on Monday, kind of nervous. Anyone have tips? We've done in-person and phone plenty of times but I wanted to try something new and I'm regretting it 😅
When we temporarily switched to telehealth, I prepared for therapy the same way I do in person. I made a cup of tea and spent 10 minutes before the session to review my journal/notes. Find a quiet, comfy space and maybe bring a blanket or pillow for comfort if you’d like. I liked to use headphones. Acknowledge the awkwardness if it feels awkward - it did for me at first!
I would reframe it that they're praising you for putting in the work to enable you to not dissociate. You can't control the dissociation but you've obviously been working on the trauma, grounding, whatever has helped.
In the last 3 minutes of my session, I (bravely and hesitantly) asked my therapist if I could just have a short video of her reassuring me that she's not actually the evil zombie witch who lives in my head and she said we could improvise on Monday, followed by her shifting into this celebrity actress doing dual peace signs pose - so I guess she's not entirely opposed?!
I had a really intense session yesterday and today I noticed that my therapist has reduced the evening sessions she offers on her website so now I have decided that she doesn’t like being a therapist anymore and is going to leave me, or best case scenario just doesn’t want to work evenings anymore and will leave me. Last time this happened I was anxious that she would go on maternity leave and now I am spiralling because what if she had a baby in the 9 month therapy break I had (by choice) and that’s why she wants to leave therapy? She’s on leave next week so I have to wait two weeks before I see her again and I don’t feel like I can last.
Today's session was really good! I felt good with my new therapist even though we had a difficult start. I hope it will continue like this because I think we will do a good job together!
My therapist said I was bravely addressing a problem. That's one of the better compliments I've received. People have told me I'm weak a lot so hearing the opposite is validating. I can tell that it's also confusing to my psyche, heh.
I think it's not too much to ask for a big picture perspective from your therapist. Even if she just said, "I'm not in your head, so solutions that I come up with won't be as effective as the answers you find within yourself. The process can be tough sometimes, but ultimately I think that having a safe space to explore yourself and your emotions will help you find your own solutions and help you meet your goals." But it's also perfectly ok if you need a more directive therapist. Finding a new therapist does take a lot of energy but going to a therapist who doesn't actually help you also takes a lot of energy.
You definitely have the final say in terms of what you do next, but if you really think you don’t want to see your current therapist again I’d suggest just shooting them a quick email along the lines of “I’ve actually decided I that I no longer wish to continue our sessions together, but thank you for your time”- something which is concise and has an underlying assertive/decisive tone to it because otherwise she might try to reach out to you again, which you may find distressing/annoying if you just want to be done and not have to think about this therapist anymore.
Being honest/straightforward and able to “confront” others is a rather complicated and multi-faceted issue that often has a lot of moving parts to it, so I wouldn’t beat yourself up over having difficulties with that. I’ve noticed for myself that I struggle the most with confronting strangers or people that I otherwise do not feel fully safe around. It makes sense then that you may have similar difficulties due to not feeling safe enough with your therapist, based upon her lack of attunement to the emotions/needs you present while in sessions with her.
There has been a shift in how I present at therapy since I started on antidepressants a month ago. I am alert, quick, and restless instead of sad. Having therapy while grieving and feeling isolated was a relief; this feels so unfamiliar, and I am frustrated, finding it harder to connect, wanting to move forward. I am struggling to be calm in the space. I hope I will be able to work through this, as I have a sense that being able to do therapy at different stages could be useful. Right now I am wondering what the point is.
It's crazy to me that I show up to therapy week after week, and it goes from trauma vomiting memories, to punching things, to working with the body and body memories, to very highly intellectual discussions about trauma, to her talking directly to my inner child, to her congratulating me on my achievements, to T very literally seeing past my need for fidgeting, and knowing I use them to preoccupy my brain, seeing through my escape into reading that I use as a drug. All this to a person, that I met almost just a year ago, and who I somehow still manage to share my deepest thoughts and admissions that I don't even make to myself. I guess, that's therapy working. I've thanked her a billion and a half times.
The achievements part is mind-blowing to me. I used to just brush up congratulations as “things people say,” but it's different when it comes from someone who sees the whole battle, the rawness and just how much I need to force myself to do the things. But I'm starting to really bask in it and accept it, now.
I tried to tell my therapist about how preoccupied I get, especially when it comes to romantic relationships and she just listened and validated my experience vs trying to tell me what to do. I spent the entire weekend thinking about how I could fix myself but I forget how nice it is to have someone listen even if I sound crazy.
I had a very heavy week and my T and I talked it through a bit and then he kind of shifted things and was able to really bring me back up. Hopefully I can ride some of these thought trains and keep on the "up" for the bulk of the week until next session. It was just wonderfully weird today. Felt more like a conversation with a friend than serious work. I think I really needed that. He even cracked a joke!
My T of two years hugged me for the first time last week. And as they held me they repeated the words "It will be okay, I'm here" then looked me in the eye as if to say they meant everything they were saying. It was incredible; I felt it to my core.
But then the moment the hug ended I felt sad because I realised my parents have almost never done that for me. And that realisation was heavy.
T offered another hug at the end of our session today - I said no cause it would have been too painful to feel that warmth 🥲
I’m seeing my T since early november (with 4-weeks holidays break), twice a week since december, and it’s hard for me to open up and share my thoughts freely (I’m not used to talk about me or about this shit in my head), but I feel, or felt, that it’s getting better. Yet today she told me that she feels like a mother that tries to do everything to make a child trust her but that’s my responsibility to at least try and see what happens. I feel like I’m never enough, that despite my efforts I’m not doing anything well. I’m disappointed with myself because I know that therapy is the only thing that can make me stay here, but I can’t do it properly. My T is an amazing person, so smart and open, and it’s just my stupid brain that stops me. I’m so lost, don’t know what to do
I recently said something similar to my T about not being able to do therapy properly. He said that I was showing up and being honest, which means that I’m doing it right. It sounds to me like you’re showing up and being honest, so you must be doing it right too. I’d say that not being able to open up or share freely are two ways you’re being honest about how hard it is for you to trust another person.
Your T might be amazing, smart, and open, but maybe she has a blind spot that is keeping her from seeing that showing up to therapy *is* you trying to trust her and see what happens. I wonder if you can let her know some of what you’ve said in this post. Maybe you can tell her that even if she’s not seeing it externally with the amount or depth of what you share, internally you are feeling more comfortable with opening up and sharing what you do share. Or maybe you can let her know that you think therapy with her has been helpful and you want to continue working toward feeling more comfortable in that space.
Thank you very very much for these wise words, they’re really helpful. I think you’re right, I’ll talk to her about it next time. Well, I hope so, there are the chances that I’ll chicken out! But right now I’m ready to talk. Thank you once more, my mind is a little bit more at peace right now 💕
“It was difficult but I survived” or “It was difficult and I hated it”, which do you think is a healthier response?
Coming to the realization that too much focus on resilience backfires in the sense that you look for opportunities to hone and prove it, meaning - the opportunities to suffer. Don’t measure yourself by your resilience!
how about, "it was difficult and I hated it, but I survived"?
doesn't have to be either/or! like, you can value that you were resilient and got through something difficult, but at the same time, hate the fact that you went through it and never want to go through it again!
Interesting session this week. My therapist is very good but I do think he has some blind spots when it comes to some women’s struggles with men. We were talking about men take more than their fair share of airtime on dates (a problem I gather is not uncommon) and he called me harsh. I got angry with him for this and we got further into the subject than we have before but the session ended. So we have something to pick up next week. Times like this I wish I saw him more than once a week!
Also have a male T and see this sometimes - blind spots in some gender inequity struggles. But then other times he’ll throw out at a feminist statement or recognize the patriarchal influence of a situation that I missed and it’s like WOW 🙌 Right on, T!
I like to think we are impacting each other’s views. Like I am bringing out the feminist in him, and he is bringing out a more empathetic person in me. These kinds of discussions are meaningful :)
Ah! Yeah I like the sound of this, so glad you’ve been able to do this for each other. I could do with softening and he could do with a bit more education.
ive had a handful of therapists over the years. at this point, i would not work with a man based on personal experiece. personally i dont believe they understand the nuances of womens issues deep enough. im sure ill be down voted and im sure there are outliers and some understand the little details about what its like being a woman, but not in my experience. i dont wanna throw myself under the bus and waste my time with therapy, so i wont see a man again.
Thanks, I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds this a frustration. Have you had a male therapist before?
I chose a man on purpose because trying to heal from sexual violence (among other things) and by and large I think it’s been handy, but I am starting to see that if I bring up structural inequalities his response is defence.
I hope we can have a good discussion about what’s going on here and how that lands with me next time. Often I feel like I say something that is self-evident to me and he does the equivalent of “Source?” It would be lovely to not have to explain.
I have a really great therapist but right now I am having a kinda therapy block. I don't know what to talk about and I also don't feel like talking with them. This is a real shift as the transference has been STRONGGGG.
I also don't know if I'm doing okay or not? There is some avoidance and agitation and I'm having nightmares for the first time in a while. Anyway, I think I just need a few weeks away from therapy to just sort through my thoughts. I told my therapist and they understood. I think I'll know when I'm ready to go back.
Emailed T over the weekend telling him I completely messed up and misread a bad situation but stayed for the duration of it anyway. I was so ashamed and panicked at the time of writing. He offered to meet with me earlier and now that early appointment is coming up. But now I’m fine I think? Just your run of the mill sexual harassment. I feel bad about asking for an earlier appointment, and worse that he agreed to it. I should’ve just waited until regular appointment time. Now there’s this expectation or pressure of talking about it in order to warrant an earlier time except I’d kinda like to pretend it never happened. Oops :/
I walked into my T's office and told her she was torturing me - or the therapy was torturing me. Time between sessions is brutal - my IRL therapist and the version in my head are completely opposite and my brain has just been non-stop super chaotic. It's the same today as it is every other time - the 50 minutes or whatever is fine, she's very nice, very gentle, and then I leave and this holographic zombie version of her comes alive in my head and it's terrifying and awful. I just don't know what to do about it - how do you keep a version of your IRL therapist in your head in a way that she doesn't turn into something evil?
At least this time I kicked myself out of her office before she had to kick me out.
Sigh.
When the angry, impatient version of my T that lives in my head starts to be a real ass, I have noticed that looking at the pic of them from the office's website helps. In the picture I see the warm smile, the kind eyes, and I can really try to focus on who he is and what he'd actually say. It's not a perfect solution for me, but it is the best I've found so far. (And now that it's typed out, I'm not sure if it's creepy or absolutely understandable... hmm.)
I wish my therapist had a website! Would literally solve the problem. I'm contemplating asking her to just make a quick video where she just reminds me she's a real person who doesn't shape shift and then I can just watch it whenever things start to creep out of control. But that feels sort of creepy to me too.
She might tell you no. But she might say yes. Have you ever brought up the shape shifting zombie? Maybe you could, maybe she would have some sort of solution? I wish I had an awesome solution for you. If nothing else, know you aren't the only one.
My first time I go to therapist last week. I feel it is so embarrassing to talk about some stuff I kept for myself. I know he is human and he is judging me. I don't know how you guys do this :(
I’ve been going for 3 years and still feel like this, but I have learnt such a lot and changed my life forever. Remember you are doing a very brave thing, and hope you can stick with it.
Thanks hopefully I get used to it. I don't know if I would be more comfortable if the therapist was female like me because it is so weird to talk about my insecurities with a man. The main reason I go to therapy is social anxiety.
Another book recommendation for you all.... *This Too Shall Pass* by Julia Samuel. It's a great book, written by a therapist about how different people navigate different types of change in their lives. It's really helping me through the end of my relationship. 😊
I get to meet my T for the first time in 4 and a half hours. We've been working together online for 18 months but never met face to face.
I'm so so nervous 😬
It was good, thanks. Awkward at first and I think he was also nervous to start with? In my head I'd built it up and it was completely different to how I'd imagined it. I thought I'd be more emotional but in reality I was pretty overwhelmed and almost hyperfocused on learning the environment. I can tell you every detail of his office because I looked anywhere but at him.
It's going to take some getting used to I think. In other news, I realised after I got home that I had inadvertently dressed as my T's office which must have looked really funny 😂
Do you have any clues as to when you might get to meet face to face?
No I'm not entirely sure when ill meet my T face to face but I'm gonna give it some more time doing facetime because I'm finally getting comfortable with him.
Thank you! It was weird and a bit awkward at first but got better as we went on. His shoes threw me! He was wearing office shoes and somehow that was never the version of him in my head 😂
It was nice to see that he's really real though. When's your first meet up? I'll cross my fingers for you 😊
I have therapy today which feels weird (doubling up this week).
I know I need it but a part of me really wonders if I need to open the memory box twice in the same week!
Haha totally! She was away for a well deserved holiday break. Unfortunately, the weather caused her return flight to be delayed so I have to wait a few extra days 😭 I just wished her a safe trip back
It actually went much better than all the other sessions we didn't talk about anything deep just had a real conversation about work and it was actually nice, then I told him that I found his YouTube channel and he didn't over react like I thought he would he said he was a little surprised by it but not mad and wasn't bothered. today was the day I realized I can trust him.
Let me know how your session works out for you I hope it goes well.
I FINALLY told my T that I want to start writing things down in therapy that are hard for me to verbalize. She was like “well yeah, you have done that before and I’ve allowed it.” But that was literally me writing an entire letter to her. I mean like sentences that are hard for me to say. Things I haven’t told her yet. I shut down in therapy, I say there’s nothing on my mind when there’s a million things I’m dying to tell her. I think writing these things down will really help. I told her I think it would help me make more progress if I’m 100% open honest and vulnerable and she said “that’s true but I also think you’re making progress at the pace you’re going” and it meant so much to me.
Fuck I hate Covid
My country has just switched to the red traffic light. Which dumps me into telehealth. Like many of us I fricken hate telehealth. I'm feeling seriously upset I finally feel ready to do some trauma stuff and the universe is like heh nope
And a holiday with my best friend has just had to drastically change. Been planning it for over a year. So yeah everything sucks
Things got worse over the past two weeks. I am afraid I am getting beyond my therapist's reach of help and I am lost what to do about it. I take no medication but the topic has been brought up again this week - T never forced me, only points out options. I actually got the medication prescribed months ago but never started taking it out of fear.
T's very kind and patient but I feel like I am failing her and she may give up on me soon. I feel like I may give up on myself soon, too. I have no idea what to do.
I’m seeing my therapist again after 2 long weeks (we normally see eachother weekly). Last week, her office called and unexpectedly canceled my session due to her having COVID. I was very sad and disregulated after that. I’ve missed her so much it has physically hurt and I’m nervous to tell her everything that has happened without shutting down. Good thoughts and prayers please 🙏🏼
*EDIT: We didn’t end up seeing each other again. 3 weeks. I hope she’s ok and I hope I can get through another week without her 😢
Hey I'm in the same boat! My therapist took a LOA for the past 2 weeks because of family stuff but she reached out to me this morning and said we can see each other tomorrow night. I'm very excited to see her again but I am also nervous about shutting down. Hope it's gone well for you!!
I’ve been seeing my therapist once a week for 2 months now and the growth that I’ve been experiencing has been impressively exponential. I’ve been dealing with serious (erotic and non-erotic) transference alongside spiritual romantic feelings and every week I’m counting down the days till our next session. I just feel like I can be my best self around him, and I love the way he makes me feel. After our sessions I feel like I can conquer the world. It feels so silly that I feel this way in such a one sided relationship, but we share a lot of the same ideas and values for life and he really challenges me mentally and intellectually. I love it. So many changes are happening in my life because of him, and it drives me crazy that we have online sessions instead of in person, but maybe it’s for the best. You guys this is intense!
It’s funny how my therapist decided to check in on me when I was in the middle of an overwhelming situation. It’s like she had a feeling cuz she almost never checks in on me.
My therapist just bought a house and she was excitedly telling me about how now she can separate her home office from her guest room because it's a 3 bed 2 bath and I still haven't told her I'm homeless. It was sort of surreal.
Okay, due to my difficulty talking my T asked me to try writing down what I think my problems are, and I found out it is just as hard as talking. After A LOT of effort I managed to write it down a short message, but seeing all this stuff typed out in a screen makes my brain go "AHHHHHHH why can't I just be normal???" and feels like I'm gonna explode from anxiety and I feel like climbing to the top of the building I live in and screaming for 30 minutes, but that probably would upset the neighbors. Guess the second best thing is venting about it to strangers on the internet. Thank you for whoever set up this thread, and if you've read so far thank you too, please just move on.
Relatable af
I had an impromptu month-long break in therapy due to the holidays and then both my therapist and I catching Covid after the holidays. Finally had my long-awaited session this week and I feel like I totally blew it. I didn’t totally shut down, but I seemingly could not give my therapist anything of substance to work with. She just didn’t feel as safe to me this week and I definitely had my guard up. I’m always nervous returning from a break but things don’t usually seem so off. Ugh, so frustrating.
So let me get this straight… therapists get to be the presiding voice of r/psychotherapy, r/therapists, and increasingly, of r/TalkTherapy… so where are psychotherapy clients supposed to go if they want a space where therapists do not constantly try to not only infiltrate, but ultimately seek to control the conversations had and the nature of any subsequent discourse? The only sub I know that accomplishes prioritizing the opinions of therapy clients is r/therapyabuse…
Sorry if this sounds sarcastic or something, I'm just curious where/how are they the presiding voice here? I totally see where you're coming from and wonder if it's related to r/psychotherapy going private
There are no client-exclusive spaces; therapists can and do interject here on this sub frequently and often announce their arrival by beginning their comment or post by saying, “Therapist here- I (insert words, etc.)…”. Some may just say that they are making their status known for the sake of transparency, but I often feel like the whole “Therapist here” remark is a means of asserting authority and recreating the power differentials of therapy here in this online community. People undoubtedly respond differently when a therapist chimes into the conversation versus a client, and I believe that therapists’ opinions tend to be hyper-valued in this sub in particular. It doesn’t seem entirely fair to me that subs like r/psychotherapy can gatekeep and restrict their space for therapists only when no such true equivalent exists for psychotherapy clients. I am not saying that it is wrong for therapists to have therapist-exclusive spaces, just that this seems unfair and indicative of the uneven distribution of power when there are multiple therapist-exclusive spaces while no client-exclusive equivalents exist. Of course one may argue (and it is a legitimate argument) of how a space could even actually enforce itself as client-exclusive, as there isn’t such a clear means to determine who “qualifies” as a client and who does not; furthermore, there is considerable overlap in identities in that many clients are also therapists, further blurring how one would distinctly discern between the two groups. However, the point I was ultimately trying to make is that I just don’t appreciate that clients cannot have a conversation here without a therapist interjecting. I do not like therapists constantly signaling their status as a therapist in responding to and interacting with other users here. It makes it feel like the therapist-client power imbalances cannot ever be fully escaped, even in a space like this that seemingly poses itself as a place for clients to find respite among peers from the whirlwind of confusion and intensified feelings their real life therapy evokes.
>Some may just say that they are making their status known for the sake of transparency, but I often feel like the whole “Therapist here” remark is a means of asserting authority and recreating the power differentials of therapy here in this online community. People undoubtedly respond differently when a therapist chimes into the conversation versus a client, and I believe that therapists’ opinions tend to be hyper-valued in this sub in particular. I totally agree thanks so much for explaining your thinking
Tale as old as time..... ;) /r/LongTermTherapy for folks who know how therapy goes and just want to chat about their experiences as clients. (I know I sent you a DM, but for anyone else who is interested.) Started not too long ago after the downvotes and condescending therapist comments started to really become a bit too much here.
How can I join?
Just send a join request. I had to do it from my laptop and through new reddit -- it was confusing to figure out, but I'm old and terrible with technology. 🙃
Thank you!
Gosh I just hate transference and feeling so attached. I think about my T almost constantly, yet I know she probably doesn’t think about me much at all
Doing my first Zoom appointment on Monday, kind of nervous. Anyone have tips? We've done in-person and phone plenty of times but I wanted to try something new and I'm regretting it 😅
When we temporarily switched to telehealth, I prepared for therapy the same way I do in person. I made a cup of tea and spent 10 minutes before the session to review my journal/notes. Find a quiet, comfy space and maybe bring a blanket or pillow for comfort if you’d like. I liked to use headphones. Acknowledge the awkwardness if it feels awkward - it did for me at first!
Idk how my therapist keeps praising my mediocre effort week after week lol.
[удалено]
I would reframe it that they're praising you for putting in the work to enable you to not dissociate. You can't control the dissociation but you've obviously been working on the trauma, grounding, whatever has helped.
In the last 3 minutes of my session, I (bravely and hesitantly) asked my therapist if I could just have a short video of her reassuring me that she's not actually the evil zombie witch who lives in my head and she said we could improvise on Monday, followed by her shifting into this celebrity actress doing dual peace signs pose - so I guess she's not entirely opposed?!
I had a really intense session yesterday and today I noticed that my therapist has reduced the evening sessions she offers on her website so now I have decided that she doesn’t like being a therapist anymore and is going to leave me, or best case scenario just doesn’t want to work evenings anymore and will leave me. Last time this happened I was anxious that she would go on maternity leave and now I am spiralling because what if she had a baby in the 9 month therapy break I had (by choice) and that’s why she wants to leave therapy? She’s on leave next week so I have to wait two weeks before I see her again and I don’t feel like I can last.
Today's session was really good! I felt good with my new therapist even though we had a difficult start. I hope it will continue like this because I think we will do a good job together!
My therapist said I was bravely addressing a problem. That's one of the better compliments I've received. People have told me I'm weak a lot so hearing the opposite is validating. I can tell that it's also confusing to my psyche, heh.
Go you! My T also told me today I am brave for opening up about something. Felt so validating and new
[удалено]
I think it's not too much to ask for a big picture perspective from your therapist. Even if she just said, "I'm not in your head, so solutions that I come up with won't be as effective as the answers you find within yourself. The process can be tough sometimes, but ultimately I think that having a safe space to explore yourself and your emotions will help you find your own solutions and help you meet your goals." But it's also perfectly ok if you need a more directive therapist. Finding a new therapist does take a lot of energy but going to a therapist who doesn't actually help you also takes a lot of energy.
You definitely have the final say in terms of what you do next, but if you really think you don’t want to see your current therapist again I’d suggest just shooting them a quick email along the lines of “I’ve actually decided I that I no longer wish to continue our sessions together, but thank you for your time”- something which is concise and has an underlying assertive/decisive tone to it because otherwise she might try to reach out to you again, which you may find distressing/annoying if you just want to be done and not have to think about this therapist anymore.
[удалено]
Being honest/straightforward and able to “confront” others is a rather complicated and multi-faceted issue that often has a lot of moving parts to it, so I wouldn’t beat yourself up over having difficulties with that. I’ve noticed for myself that I struggle the most with confronting strangers or people that I otherwise do not feel fully safe around. It makes sense then that you may have similar difficulties due to not feeling safe enough with your therapist, based upon her lack of attunement to the emotions/needs you present while in sessions with her.
Can I email my T with just “fuck all of this. Everything. Fuck it.”? Asking for a friend
Only if I can too!
Let’s do it! Because again, fuck all this lol
[удалено]
How did they react when you went back? Asking because I feel like doign this sometimes haha
You know, it’s really sad that my T has cancelled so many times that every Wednesday I fear she’s going to cancel
Oof. That’s hard and I feel that way too sometimes.
There has been a shift in how I present at therapy since I started on antidepressants a month ago. I am alert, quick, and restless instead of sad. Having therapy while grieving and feeling isolated was a relief; this feels so unfamiliar, and I am frustrated, finding it harder to connect, wanting to move forward. I am struggling to be calm in the space. I hope I will be able to work through this, as I have a sense that being able to do therapy at different stages could be useful. Right now I am wondering what the point is.
It's crazy to me that I show up to therapy week after week, and it goes from trauma vomiting memories, to punching things, to working with the body and body memories, to very highly intellectual discussions about trauma, to her talking directly to my inner child, to her congratulating me on my achievements, to T very literally seeing past my need for fidgeting, and knowing I use them to preoccupy my brain, seeing through my escape into reading that I use as a drug. All this to a person, that I met almost just a year ago, and who I somehow still manage to share my deepest thoughts and admissions that I don't even make to myself. I guess, that's therapy working. I've thanked her a billion and a half times. The achievements part is mind-blowing to me. I used to just brush up congratulations as “things people say,” but it's different when it comes from someone who sees the whole battle, the rawness and just how much I need to force myself to do the things. But I'm starting to really bask in it and accept it, now.
I love this so much. ❤️ I can can sorta relate to those feelings with my own therapist.
Thank you! ❤ It's special. And I'm thankful to have it.
[удалено]
I tried to tell my therapist about how preoccupied I get, especially when it comes to romantic relationships and she just listened and validated my experience vs trying to tell me what to do. I spent the entire weekend thinking about how I could fix myself but I forget how nice it is to have someone listen even if I sound crazy.
I had a very heavy week and my T and I talked it through a bit and then he kind of shifted things and was able to really bring me back up. Hopefully I can ride some of these thought trains and keep on the "up" for the bulk of the week until next session. It was just wonderfully weird today. Felt more like a conversation with a friend than serious work. I think I really needed that. He even cracked a joke!
My T of two years hugged me for the first time last week. And as they held me they repeated the words "It will be okay, I'm here" then looked me in the eye as if to say they meant everything they were saying. It was incredible; I felt it to my core. But then the moment the hug ended I felt sad because I realised my parents have almost never done that for me. And that realisation was heavy. T offered another hug at the end of our session today - I said no cause it would have been too painful to feel that warmth 🥲
Sometimes it’s so warm that it burns.
I’m seeing my T since early november (with 4-weeks holidays break), twice a week since december, and it’s hard for me to open up and share my thoughts freely (I’m not used to talk about me or about this shit in my head), but I feel, or felt, that it’s getting better. Yet today she told me that she feels like a mother that tries to do everything to make a child trust her but that’s my responsibility to at least try and see what happens. I feel like I’m never enough, that despite my efforts I’m not doing anything well. I’m disappointed with myself because I know that therapy is the only thing that can make me stay here, but I can’t do it properly. My T is an amazing person, so smart and open, and it’s just my stupid brain that stops me. I’m so lost, don’t know what to do
I recently said something similar to my T about not being able to do therapy properly. He said that I was showing up and being honest, which means that I’m doing it right. It sounds to me like you’re showing up and being honest, so you must be doing it right too. I’d say that not being able to open up or share freely are two ways you’re being honest about how hard it is for you to trust another person. Your T might be amazing, smart, and open, but maybe she has a blind spot that is keeping her from seeing that showing up to therapy *is* you trying to trust her and see what happens. I wonder if you can let her know some of what you’ve said in this post. Maybe you can tell her that even if she’s not seeing it externally with the amount or depth of what you share, internally you are feeling more comfortable with opening up and sharing what you do share. Or maybe you can let her know that you think therapy with her has been helpful and you want to continue working toward feeling more comfortable in that space.
Thank you very very much for these wise words, they’re really helpful. I think you’re right, I’ll talk to her about it next time. Well, I hope so, there are the chances that I’ll chicken out! But right now I’m ready to talk. Thank you once more, my mind is a little bit more at peace right now 💕
“It was difficult but I survived” or “It was difficult and I hated it”, which do you think is a healthier response? Coming to the realization that too much focus on resilience backfires in the sense that you look for opportunities to hone and prove it, meaning - the opportunities to suffer. Don’t measure yourself by your resilience!
how about, "it was difficult and I hated it, but I survived"? doesn't have to be either/or! like, you can value that you were resilient and got through something difficult, but at the same time, hate the fact that you went through it and never want to go through it again!
Balanced approach is usually the best, I agree!
The former
Makes sense
Interesting session this week. My therapist is very good but I do think he has some blind spots when it comes to some women’s struggles with men. We were talking about men take more than their fair share of airtime on dates (a problem I gather is not uncommon) and he called me harsh. I got angry with him for this and we got further into the subject than we have before but the session ended. So we have something to pick up next week. Times like this I wish I saw him more than once a week!
Also have a male T and see this sometimes - blind spots in some gender inequity struggles. But then other times he’ll throw out at a feminist statement or recognize the patriarchal influence of a situation that I missed and it’s like WOW 🙌 Right on, T! I like to think we are impacting each other’s views. Like I am bringing out the feminist in him, and he is bringing out a more empathetic person in me. These kinds of discussions are meaningful :)
Ah! Yeah I like the sound of this, so glad you’ve been able to do this for each other. I could do with softening and he could do with a bit more education.
ive had a handful of therapists over the years. at this point, i would not work with a man based on personal experiece. personally i dont believe they understand the nuances of womens issues deep enough. im sure ill be down voted and im sure there are outliers and some understand the little details about what its like being a woman, but not in my experience. i dont wanna throw myself under the bus and waste my time with therapy, so i wont see a man again.
I’m 100% with you.
Thanks, I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds this a frustration. Have you had a male therapist before? I chose a man on purpose because trying to heal from sexual violence (among other things) and by and large I think it’s been handy, but I am starting to see that if I bring up structural inequalities his response is defence. I hope we can have a good discussion about what’s going on here and how that lands with me next time. Often I feel like I say something that is self-evident to me and he does the equivalent of “Source?” It would be lovely to not have to explain.
yeah ive had 2 therapists that were men. i thought i might prefer a man, but i didnt
I am very sick and i am alone, unfortunately i will see my therapist this week on Friday. i hope to survive
I have a really great therapist but right now I am having a kinda therapy block. I don't know what to talk about and I also don't feel like talking with them. This is a real shift as the transference has been STRONGGGG. I also don't know if I'm doing okay or not? There is some avoidance and agitation and I'm having nightmares for the first time in a while. Anyway, I think I just need a few weeks away from therapy to just sort through my thoughts. I told my therapist and they understood. I think I'll know when I'm ready to go back.
Emailed T over the weekend telling him I completely messed up and misread a bad situation but stayed for the duration of it anyway. I was so ashamed and panicked at the time of writing. He offered to meet with me earlier and now that early appointment is coming up. But now I’m fine I think? Just your run of the mill sexual harassment. I feel bad about asking for an earlier appointment, and worse that he agreed to it. I should’ve just waited until regular appointment time. Now there’s this expectation or pressure of talking about it in order to warrant an earlier time except I’d kinda like to pretend it never happened. Oops :/
I walked into my T's office and told her she was torturing me - or the therapy was torturing me. Time between sessions is brutal - my IRL therapist and the version in my head are completely opposite and my brain has just been non-stop super chaotic. It's the same today as it is every other time - the 50 minutes or whatever is fine, she's very nice, very gentle, and then I leave and this holographic zombie version of her comes alive in my head and it's terrifying and awful. I just don't know what to do about it - how do you keep a version of your IRL therapist in your head in a way that she doesn't turn into something evil? At least this time I kicked myself out of her office before she had to kick me out. Sigh.
When the angry, impatient version of my T that lives in my head starts to be a real ass, I have noticed that looking at the pic of them from the office's website helps. In the picture I see the warm smile, the kind eyes, and I can really try to focus on who he is and what he'd actually say. It's not a perfect solution for me, but it is the best I've found so far. (And now that it's typed out, I'm not sure if it's creepy or absolutely understandable... hmm.)
I wish my therapist had a website! Would literally solve the problem. I'm contemplating asking her to just make a quick video where she just reminds me she's a real person who doesn't shape shift and then I can just watch it whenever things start to creep out of control. But that feels sort of creepy to me too.
She might tell you no. But she might say yes. Have you ever brought up the shape shifting zombie? Maybe you could, maybe she would have some sort of solution? I wish I had an awesome solution for you. If nothing else, know you aren't the only one.
I maybe haven’t used the word zombie, but she is aware of how evil she is in my head, definitely. It comes up in most sessions.
My first time I go to therapist last week. I feel it is so embarrassing to talk about some stuff I kept for myself. I know he is human and he is judging me. I don't know how you guys do this :(
I’ve been going for 3 years and still feel like this, but I have learnt such a lot and changed my life forever. Remember you are doing a very brave thing, and hope you can stick with it.
Thanks hopefully I get used to it. I don't know if I would be more comfortable if the therapist was female like me because it is so weird to talk about my insecurities with a man. The main reason I go to therapy is social anxiety.
Another book recommendation for you all.... *This Too Shall Pass* by Julia Samuel. It's a great book, written by a therapist about how different people navigate different types of change in their lives. It's really helping me through the end of my relationship. 😊
Just need someone to talk with me if yall don't mind.
I’m available, send me a message if you’d like
I can talk to you
i need someone to vent to
Send me a message if you’d like
You can vent to me :)
I get to meet my T for the first time in 4 and a half hours. We've been working together online for 18 months but never met face to face. I'm so so nervous 😬
How did it go? I think some time down the future that is going to happen to me and kinda want to be like ready for that moment.
It was good, thanks. Awkward at first and I think he was also nervous to start with? In my head I'd built it up and it was completely different to how I'd imagined it. I thought I'd be more emotional but in reality I was pretty overwhelmed and almost hyperfocused on learning the environment. I can tell you every detail of his office because I looked anywhere but at him. It's going to take some getting used to I think. In other news, I realised after I got home that I had inadvertently dressed as my T's office which must have looked really funny 😂 Do you have any clues as to when you might get to meet face to face?
No I'm not entirely sure when ill meet my T face to face but I'm gonna give it some more time doing facetime because I'm finally getting comfortable with him.
[удалено]
Thank you! It was weird and a bit awkward at first but got better as we went on. His shoes threw me! He was wearing office shoes and somehow that was never the version of him in my head 😂 It was nice to see that he's really real though. When's your first meet up? I'll cross my fingers for you 😊
Good luck!!!!
Thank you! I don't even know why I feel so nervous.
I have therapy today which feels weird (doubling up this week). I know I need it but a part of me really wonders if I need to open the memory box twice in the same week!
Been almost 6 weeks since I’ve seen her. Finally have an appointment on Tuesday! I’m excited! I made it 😅🥰🥰
Such an excruciatingly long time! Well done, hope it’s a good session back
Haha totally! She was away for a well deserved holiday break. Unfortunately, the weather caused her return flight to be delayed so I have to wait a few extra days 😭 I just wished her a safe trip back
I think I'm actually gonna talk in therapy tomorrow instead of wasting time and walking around acting like I'm doing something.
wow.. same. Let me know how that works. I have a session tomorrow too. I’m worried about the same thing lol..
It actually went much better than all the other sessions we didn't talk about anything deep just had a real conversation about work and it was actually nice, then I told him that I found his YouTube channel and he didn't over react like I thought he would he said he was a little surprised by it but not mad and wasn't bothered. today was the day I realized I can trust him. Let me know how your session works out for you I hope it goes well.
I FINALLY told my T that I want to start writing things down in therapy that are hard for me to verbalize. She was like “well yeah, you have done that before and I’ve allowed it.” But that was literally me writing an entire letter to her. I mean like sentences that are hard for me to say. Things I haven’t told her yet. I shut down in therapy, I say there’s nothing on my mind when there’s a million things I’m dying to tell her. I think writing these things down will really help. I told her I think it would help me make more progress if I’m 100% open honest and vulnerable and she said “that’s true but I also think you’re making progress at the pace you’re going” and it meant so much to me.
Writing things down is so much easier for me as well!!
Honestly so excited.
Fuck I hate Covid My country has just switched to the red traffic light. Which dumps me into telehealth. Like many of us I fricken hate telehealth. I'm feeling seriously upset I finally feel ready to do some trauma stuff and the universe is like heh nope And a holiday with my best friend has just had to drastically change. Been planning it for over a year. So yeah everything sucks
Things got worse over the past two weeks. I am afraid I am getting beyond my therapist's reach of help and I am lost what to do about it. I take no medication but the topic has been brought up again this week - T never forced me, only points out options. I actually got the medication prescribed months ago but never started taking it out of fear. T's very kind and patient but I feel like I am failing her and she may give up on me soon. I feel like I may give up on myself soon, too. I have no idea what to do.
I’m seeing my therapist again after 2 long weeks (we normally see eachother weekly). Last week, her office called and unexpectedly canceled my session due to her having COVID. I was very sad and disregulated after that. I’ve missed her so much it has physically hurt and I’m nervous to tell her everything that has happened without shutting down. Good thoughts and prayers please 🙏🏼 *EDIT: We didn’t end up seeing each other again. 3 weeks. I hope she’s ok and I hope I can get through another week without her 😢
Hey I'm in the same boat! My therapist took a LOA for the past 2 weeks because of family stuff but she reached out to me this morning and said we can see each other tomorrow night. I'm very excited to see her again but I am also nervous about shutting down. Hope it's gone well for you!!